On one level we see words, we see numbers, we notice that the calendar says it's April and we hear words about the practice period coming to an end. And these perceptions, these perceptions, these awarenesses of objects lead us to contribute to our perceptual process which then leads to further words. It seems as though some physical changes in our environment are happening or will happen.

[01:05]

The schedule will change, we think, our work will change, our assignments, our work assignments will change, the place we live will change, our little room will change, food will change, people we live with will change, and so on. Any changes we somehow sense are happening or will happen. They've been happening all practice period but now it seems like somehow a major transition. We sense it's happening. Our body is being affected.

[02:17]

We don't know exactly what's going on but we sense some change and in relationship to these changes various feelings arise. Feelings of anxiety, feelings of sadness and grief, feelings of anticipation and joy, feelings of anger, feelings of hurt, feelings of the unknown, of not knowing what will happen and not being sure of what will happen. These things seem to be happening to the people of this valley. Probably the other animals feel something too.

[03:25]

Perhaps we feel overwhelmed by the big wind, humbled by its force. I'm not saying I'm humbled but I feel humbled by the forces of change. I feel humbled by your efforts this practice period. Not that they're better than somebody else's or better than my effort or something but rather just the total mass and impact of your effort is awesome.

[04:43]

And that effort has been made also makes whatever will come all the more interesting and important. Thank you. Thank you.

[06:03]

Thank you. In the midst of this deluge of words the problem is attribution of substance to them. The problem is grasping them and therefore the belief that they can be grasped.

[07:08]

This is what causes outflow and suffering. Whatever thought through which a thought is thought of as a substance that indeed is a mere fabrication. It is not evident. It is not evident. It is not evident.

[08:19]

In the stream of words we live in we must clearly observe so that no words can reach it. A dependent self nature is a thought. It has arisen depending on conditions. However the absence of one prior to it is always accomplished. This accomplished is also suchness and it is the ultimate meaning of events.

[09:44]

The other night I said that this accomplished which is suchness which is love is an epistemological achievement. It is an understanding. But the way Vasubandhu puts it is very good because he says that the accomplished he doesn't say the accomplished is the understanding that the thought through which a thought is thought or through which an object is thought to have substance he doesn't say that it is the understanding that that thought is a mere fabrication.

[10:57]

He says that the absence of the thought through which something is thought to have substance that its absence is the accomplished. Or another way to put it is there is one kind of concept that's the dependently arisen. There is another kind that's mere fabrication. These two are always separated. It's not that the accomplished is understanding that these two are separated

[12:05]

and understanding that the one is dependently arisen and the other is a mere fabrication. It's not like something over here understands that. It is the understanding of this but there's not something over here which understands it. It is just suchness. It is just the fact that there's this kind of concept and this kind of concept. It's not an additional thing. It's just the suchness of those two types of concepts and the suchness of that is the accomplished. Or that fact is the accomplished. That is just things as they are, as it is. And I would still say, after thinking about it more, that that is love.

[13:14]

The simple fact that there is the dependently arisen and there is the mere fabrication, that fact that things being that way is love. And that is the way things are. A combination of the production, the creation of something that has never come to be. And something that did come to be, which is empty. That is reality. And understanding that is just that.

[14:21]

It's not something understanding that. In relationship to this, this is suchness. Now, in relationship to that, there is something other than that.

[15:24]

No, there's not something other than that. In relationship to that, in the relationship to suchness, there is this dependently arisen thought and there is the mere fabrication. The dependently arisen thought possesses all the seeds and its transformation occurs in a variety of ways and it proceeds on the basis of mutual dependence as the result of which such and such thoughts are born. So this dependently arisen type of thought leads to our life of experience, leads to the causes, is in the causal process of leading to all of our thoughts.

[16:41]

The mere fabrication, which is separate from this, always separate from this, separate from the dependently arisen thought, that mere fabrication is there too. That's part of suchness. In the midst of that which has come to be, there is the continual production of that which does not come to be, which has not come to be. There is the continual production of that which is mere fabrication, which is there too with that which is produced, which is dependently arisen. That mix is also the result of suchness, goes with suchness, leads to further suchness.

[17:52]

The work here is called clearly observe, clearly observe this. In this field there is the possibility of outflow and leaks. I'd like to talk about that and also I'd like to talk about the word resistance. Resistance. Cool clarity filled his bones so he couldn't sleep.

[19:30]

How can cool clarity fill our bones so that we can stay awake and clearly observe? This is important. How are we going to let the bones be full of clarity, cool clarity? In the Blue Cliff Record, I think it's case 15, they're talking about certain people who are very familiar with the Buddha way, who are adept at it, who dare to let go, let go of the ultimate and enter the mud and water and take our hand and be born and die with us.

[20:51]

How can they do this? They do this by ending outflows. These wonderful Zen monks take the hands of sentient beings and enter the mud and water and die and be born with us for our sake. How can they do that? Because they have ended all leaks. Then they quote Dungshan, who has taught three kinds of leakage. Leakage of emotions or feelings, leakage of view and verbal leakage. He says that the emotional or feeling leakage is that cognition always turns towards and against

[22:12]

and thus your view is biased. The leakage of views is that the intellect, the selector, does not stir from its fixed position and therefore one is thrown into, one falls into the poisonous sea. Leakage of verbiage is that one embodies the marvel but loses the fundamental. Intellect confuses beginning and end. Hearing words one does not understand the source. Hearing words one thinks the end is the beginning.

[23:23]

Right now we're contemplating finishing the Kaisando and I noticed that how this happens, how it's finished, I noticed in myself a possibility, not a possibility, but I noticed some leakage occurring around this possibility, around the thought of it being done this way or that way. A whirlwind of energy starts swirling around the word, the image of the Kaisando. I don't go to sleep like taking a nap, but I go to sleep in terms of continually clearly observing and I get caught in a whirlpool.

[24:50]

If I clearly observe, it drops away and the leaks end. We may have an idea of what a practice period is and we look at what's happening and we compare. We may wonder what's happening and again all three of these types of leaks can occur. We can get quite agitated about what's happening because of our idea of practice period. And attributing some substance to the idea or the word, concept of practice period.

[25:54]

This has been the case all practice period. Now it's particularly intense possibilities here. Once we feel upset, we may wish to say, well this isn't a practice period. Then we won't have to experience the outflows that happen around the belief in such a thing as a practice period in the face of what's happening. If we just get rid of the practice period, then we can calm down. But as long as we still say practice period, we may have some upset.

[27:07]

Relationship with a teacher or with anybody can give rise to the opportunity for resistance. As I mentioned before, there's basically two kinds. One where you hold back from it, shrink back from it, say no to it. The other one is where you say yes to it or yes in the sense of I like this, this is good. Such resistance is sometimes difficult for the person who's doing the resisting. It's sometimes difficult to feel this.

[29:13]

And for the teacher or friend or therapist, it's sometimes as painful to see or feel. On two accounts, one in terms of the person's relationship with you, you feel them. There's a connection between you and you feel them trying to rip it apart or overwhelming. You feel overshot or rejected. Actually, I remember I used to have a problem with my mother like that. Sometimes I would hear her talking on the telephone and saying things about me. Usually saying things about me that were better than true.

[30:19]

Not better than true, but like if I did something good, she would say, she would make it better than it was. I didn't very often hear her saying I'm deprecating me to her friend on the telephone. It was usually that she was being overly praising and misrepresenting it from my point of view in a positive direction. But the funny thing is that it really hurt anyway. Even though it was positive, it really bothered me. Just the fact that she didn't understand me was what hurt me. And publicizing this misunderstanding. So it actually can hurt a teacher, both for people to not appreciate the teacher, but also to overly appreciate.

[31:38]

It can hurt if the relationship hurts, but another way it hurts is that sometimes you can see that what the person is doing to you, they also do to themselves. Their unwillingness to let the relationship, let the connection be as it is, hurts you. But also it hurts you to know that they're having trouble letting inside themselves, they're having trouble letting themselves be themselves. So if I see someone who is having trouble settling with their inner state, if I see someone having trouble settling with their inner state through seeing them have trouble following a schedule or something, I will usually find that they have trouble settling with their external state in terms of their relationship with me.

[32:49]

The process, the inner process, pervades the outer process, and the outer process pervades the inner process. Recently I had an experience which was quite helpful, and that is someone who admittedly had resisted the practice. And resisted me. Admitted that she resisted me. In this case it was that the inner resistance was admitted, but the outer resistance wasn't.

[34:01]

And the outer resistance was admitted. Sometimes people admit the outer resistance and don't see that this is just a metaphor, this is just an example of what they're doing inside. Sometimes they admit neither. This person who had already admitted inner resistance admitted outer resistance. But then one very important thing happened, and that is a clue was given. A clue was given to me of something I could do, or something about me that outwardly would make it possible to settle into the relationship more fully. The person gave me a clue or a hint.

[35:03]

The person saw in the external relationship something about it that if it was changed a little bit they could settle with it. And when the person made that suggestion, before the word even was said, before the information even came, there was a change, a turn, the whole situation turned before the word came out. The resistance stopped prior to the information. The person became generous and offered this clue. I didn't know what was coming, but I noticed that something was going to come and the way it was offered up, before it came, I thought, what's going to happen now? It's a whole new thing. Listen to the next part carefully, please.

[36:10]

The thing this person told me that would make it easier to settle, I may rarely be able to do, actually. But I really felt that it wasn't so much that I would be different, because as soon as the person told me this, the resistance basically at that moment ended. It wasn't that I would be different, but simply that the person would tell me what it was that made it easier or hard to settle. Because when the person can say that, the person can see it, and when the person can see it, they at that moment are not resisting anymore, you see. To say it's this, and if it was turned this way I would be okay, that means they're settled with this and this, they were settled into the suchness of their own mind. And whether I can do anything or not, the resistance was not functioning at that time, there was no outflow.

[37:17]

This thing, whatever it is, is a mere fabrication, something that's been given some substance. But when the person sees it and recognizes it as it is, it's already overcome. Then in addition to that, by being able to talk about it in terms of this external relationship, then what would that mean, this is not clear yet, what would that mean inside the person? What are they telling themselves to do inside? And that richness also comes from this kind of thing. And the whole process could be said the other way around. You can see the inner one, and it could help the external relationship. I heard a rumor that somebody said about the green-ghost children, that if you look at the way they behave, it seems that they grew up in a strict community, strict religious community,

[38:52]

with a strict practice that they were excluded from. And therefore now they're rebelling. So you know, some parents are very strict with their children. Some parents present their children with a very strong, a severe moral imperative, provide a very strict moral environment, which the children somehow can't figure out a way to participate in. So, children rebel and do outrageous things.

[40:03]

Similarly, the person who is very ... some people come to me and give me lectures, moral lectures. I always wondered, is this person giving me a lecture, a moral lecture, do I do that to them? Is this revenge? Usually, though, I think it isn't. Usually if I do it to them, rather than coming back and giving me a moral lecture, more often, if I do that to somebody, they usually come back to me with rebellion. If my moral lecture is one that they can participate in, that suits them, then there's no rebellion. But if it's too strict, one that excludes their behavior, then I get rebellion back. People who give me moral lectures, those people I usually find that inwardly,

[41:15]

and then therefore their behavior which follows from that, inwardly they rebel against the messages that I hear them giving me, because inside they're also being very strict with themselves. They're being very oppressive morally with themselves. Therefore, if you look at their life, you find usually there's some area that's really distracted and rebellious. So they come across internally, and you can also watch externally, they come across as saying, you know, this is the right way, and I know the right way. And then over in some other area of their life, it's totally blind. To the extent that this is severely right, and they're sure that they're right over here, and they're going around telling other people about that too,

[42:22]

over here is completely a mess. Inside, the same thing happens. Inside they're going, pop, pop, pop. And then inside, there's some area which is kind of like, I'm a hopeless mess. So they switch back and forth between knowing what's right and telling me and everybody else what's right, and then over here feeling really ashamed because inside there's such a mess, or externally telling people what's right and externally being a mess. In both cases, they're attributing substance. They're attributing substance to the right, to listen here, I'll tell you what to do, kids. This is very strictly this way, and you better do it. This is definitely substantially the way it is, and then definitely substantially it's a mess over here. So they take the moral side very strictly and very substantially, and they take the mess very substantially.

[43:30]

Other people don't mind the mess too much. As a matter of fact, other people feel sorry for the mess which naturally goes with this side, which is so purely clean. They feel sorry for the person on this side. This side, they just want to get away, run away from this side. And also, if they see this person doing this to themselves, they pity the person to do this to themselves, because they know how harsh that must be for the person to do it to themselves. The person does it to themselves and then rebels, and then it does it to themselves for rebelling. Zen Center itself might have something of this too. Therefore, if Zen Center itself is that way, people like that might be comfortable here, because maybe they can get by with that a little bit. I don't know how true it is, but if I think about our practice,

[44:38]

a lot of our practice, I don't see a way for the children, they can't sort of run into lecture halls and run out, run into Zendo's and run out. We invite them to our practice, but we make them hold still. So it makes me wonder, is there some way to include the children in our practice? Some way. Could they give us a hint? Could they give us a clue? So I'm suggesting to you that you maybe look at this, that you think. If you feel resistance to the practice, it's hard to talk to the practice. And I'm not asking you to do that primarily so then I will know what you want and I'll be able to do that and be more what you like. Primarily I'm asking that just because if you tell me that, even though I'm still maybe a way that you have trouble with,

[45:44]

when you tell me that, you overcome this problem you have with me to some extent. Plus, I think that usually the problem you have with me, it's not that I'm right or wrong, but the problem you have with me is because you have the same problem inside. If you didn't have the problem inside, you'd just see, well that's just the way he is. He's just kind of a jerk. But that's not a problem. Because a jerk's not, and there's nothing to a jerk. There's not really any jerks. He's just that way. But when you have a problem with me, it's probably because you attribute something to me. And if you can attribute something to me, there's probably something inside you're doing the same thing to. So if you give me a hint, you give yourself a hint. But it's not that I'm going to change because there's nothing to me in the first place. You just specify, basically, what it is you're attributing to me.

[46:48]

And therefore you can say, now what would that be inside you? Where are you doing that same attribution of substance inside? So you give yourself a hint, and you give me a hint. Vice versa, if you tell me or yourself about something inside where you're attributing substance, and therefore having a problem. You might be then able to tell me, what's the problem in our relationship? I might be able to say, oh, you do that inside? Well, but did you do it to me too? So either way. I was having problems with somebody a while ago, and I mentioned it to somebody, and they said, yeah, that's right, that's just the way that person is. And I thought, now that's really good. They said, that's right, that's just the way the person is. And then at that moment anyway, I had no problem with the person anymore,

[47:53]

because I see it, it's not something I have a problem with, it's just the way the person is. I was putting more onto it than just the way they were, and I was having a problem with it. But just that simple phrase, yep, that's the way they are. It's nothing to do with me or them or anybody, it's just the way they are. Everybody can see it. Okay. So what I've been talking about this morning is

[49:42]

outflows. I've been talking about leaking. And these things aren't something you should, these aren't exactly, what I'm saying are not practices exactly, but simply things that you might notice in the process of the practice of clearly observing. These are like, what I've mostly been talking about are warnings or just the signs or the qualities of various kinds of leakage that take you away from clear observances, which somehow swirl around the accomplished, which somehow obscure suchness, magically obscure suchness, magically obscure, just the way things are, magically obscure love

[50:47]

by attributing substance, which is a mere fabrication, and then falling for that mere fabrication, which then allows this outflow or leaking out or flooding in. A lot of times people feel a leaking out from these things, a weakening, getting limp. When I was thinking about the Kaisandra, it was definitely, it was a flood in, it was energizing actually. I was getting this tremendous amount of flood flooding into me. I wasn't, I wasn't getting tired from it, I was getting excited by it. You can go either way. But I just, I'm sort of like, today I was, I was delineating the mind field. I was telling you the different kinds of traps

[51:53]

that are swirling up and around clearly observing all the different types of leaks and floods. Not all of them, but some examples of these things. When you're clearly observing, these things have no efficiency. When they have efficiency, you're not clearly observing. Thank you. I'm having a little trouble with what you said about saying that that's just the way somebody is. That sounds a lot like attributing substance to something. Yeah, I know. I guess it's, you have to see it sort of in the context of the story. Okay? It's in the context of the story you're having a problem with somebody.

[52:57]

Okay? They're doing something, like maybe they're being rude to you. They're intruding on you. You know, they're pecking at you. Okay? And so then the person says, that's just the way they are. So you realize that there's nothing they can do about it. It's not that you say that that's the suchness of the person. But then it might be situational. It's like, that's the way they are with me. No, that's what I'm saying is that that person said that, and that person reminded me that that's the way this person is with everyone. It has nothing to do with me. That just like, let's say somebody had gray hair. Okay? And it really bugged you. Or anyway, their hairstyle really bugged you. Okay? And then you found out from somebody, that bothers everybody. That bothers everybody in this, in a limited circle.

[53:59]

Well, no, no, no, no. That's not it. It's when you get it, when you get the message, that this has nothing... This doesn't necessarily translate when I say it, you know. The point was, that when I heard this, my problems disappeared. The message was such, that I was told basically, something such that I dropped, expecting this person to be any different from what they are. So when I say it to you, you may think that this is some kind of you know, when they get caught by the word, that's how they are or something in that sense. But the point was, I was already attributing some substance. You know, I was already caught up in it. The words plugged the hole. And that person, those words might not apply to anybody else ever again in history.

[54:59]

But at that moment, what they did is they worked. The same way when someone's going like this to you and they're saying, this is the way it is. It's this way. This is the... It's like this, you know, and you feel kind of harassed. You know. Well, if you know that they're harassing themselves at the same time, this really doesn't have much to do with you, but because they're harassing themselves, when they talk, they do the same thing to everybody. When you see that, you see that it's not that they're doing anything to you, this is just their inner process. You may realize that this is not something you take personally. As a matter of fact, you start to see, oh, you poor thing, you're doing that inside too. And when I walk away, you're going to keep doing it to yourself. Then compassion comes rather than feeling harassed. But until you see that, until you can kind of feel that they're doing it to themselves too, and also they do it to everybody, because they do it to themselves, they do it to everybody.

[56:02]

And you're not getting singled out. They do it to this person, [...] because the projection, the screen's inside that does that thing. So inside there's this little film that has somebody hitting somebody. Inside they're hitting themselves, so when they talk to you, they do the same thing. When you see that, you might be relieved. I see that, but it still sounds like... Particularly what you'd be relieved of is the figment of that they're doing it, you know, especially for you, but it has something to do with you. Exactly. It sounds like the thing that breaks it is that you see something about yourself rather than seeing something substantial about them. You see that they're not doing it to you. You see that you're sort of not in it. You don't necessarily see the way they really are. Right. You're not in it. They have nothing to do with you. And then you're gone too. That's the relief, is when you're gone, you know,

[57:05]

and moving on to the next you, and the next you. That was what the relief was. That's always the relief. Yes? Doesn't it take a certain amount of, I'll call it courage or something, or certainty, for a student to tell a teacher, or a client, or a therapist, this is what I see, or this is what I feel. Because you know intuitively, or really, that you're going to reveal yourself when you talk about somebody else. I mean, does that make sense? So I think that it's kind of important to remember that you need some sort of confidence, or courage, or certainty, and I think it's, and I almost want to put in moral certainty, but I don't want to make it sound heavy, but it's kind of like that, it's sort of, you have to have something in order to accept the fact that you're going to reveal yourself. And I think, I sort of feel like that needs to be included.

[58:08]

Yeah, I thought I said that. In other words, as soon as you say it, you may say something to someone, and the point is not that they're going to change, but that you could say it. The fact that you could say it, you've already basically done, for that moment anyway, you've done like almost 100% of what you have to do. You've had the courage, also based on, you had the courage, you don't know what's going to happen, but you had courage, clarity, and in a sense, you overcame your resistance at that moment. It's a rare thing, is what I'm talking about, a rare and wonderful thing, that this kind of thing happens. Because, as you say, it's just great. It's great for the person who hears it, because they experience the resistance going away, and they experience it going away between you, and also they experience it going away in you. So it's great for them, clears everything up. Plus, it's great for you.

[59:10]

So it's a gift to them, it's a gift to you, it's a gift to the relationship, and it takes courage, definitely. It takes courage. It takes courage to clearly observe, to, you know, hurl and glide right down to what's happening, and then say, look, this is happening. If you would cross your legs the other way, if you would part your hair another place, I would be more relaxed. I just told you what I've been resisting all this time. And I trusted you enough, and I was brave enough. It isn't just... because it's never... you can never be completely sure. You have to be a little bit sure, I suppose, and care enough. And so much wonderful stuff happens around this kind of passage,

[60:16]

this kind of communication. But sometimes it goes on for years and years and years before this happens. Both parties being patient, losing patience, on and on. Okay. Okay.

[61:26]

Okay. Okay. So, this noticing and plugging up this kind of leakage is what these great Bodhisattvas are able to do.

[62:58]

They let go of the ultimate. They let go of the accomplished. They let go of suchness, in a sense. And they enter. They actually enter the world of resistance. They don't come down and interact with us and not take our hand and take our hand and then really still be holding on to the accomplished. They actually come down and feel the resistance. And they wince and writhe with us. They really do come down. We really do come down with each other. We really do enter the realm of pain with each other. And we die together and we're born together.

[64:06]

And these leaks that are plugged up, they keep happening and getting plugged, happening and getting plugged. If we're leaking, the great Bodhisattvas leak. If we're great Bodhisattvas, we leak, we enter this realm of people. And each time we feel the pain and each time a person can tell us, look, this would take care of it. At that point, we are released too. And we're really not released before they are. Okay. So I say we enter the mud and water

[65:55]

and that means we get hurt, we leak with other people and then we clearly observe. And in the relationship, we really can't clearly observe until the other person clearly observes. Yashan hadn't given a lecture for a long time. The superintendent came to him and said,

[66:56]

you haven't given a lecture for a long time. Why don't you come and give a lecture? So he said, okay. Ring the bell. Assemble the monks. So they did. He went up into the hall and got up in the seat. He didn't say anything. He got down, went back to his room. The superintendent came up to see him and said, how come he didn't say anything? He said, the sutra teachers teach about sutras. The commentarial teachers teach about the commentaries. Don't bother this old monk.

[68:02]

So in a way, you know, I think, well, I have this class on the commentary I'm teaching. There's a commentary by Vasubandhu and I'm teaching about the commentary. So maybe at that time, I'm maybe not a Zen teacher. Maybe I should have a class on Vasubandhu, or not have a class on Vasubandhu, but anyway, Vasubandhu's there. I should just stay in my room. And if you ask me to come and lecture about Vasubandhu, I'll walk in and not say anything and then leave. Then I wouldn't leak. Then I'd really be kind of, not a Zen master anyway, but yeah, sort of a Zen master maybe. If I come and lecture about Vasubandhu, then I just sort of feed, I just sort of feed feed it. If I come to feed it and I don't feed it,

[69:19]

then I get in trouble. No matter what I do, there's a problem. Yaoshan did really well, but still, the superintendent didn't get it. . One time I gave a lecture here. I just came in and sat down and the jishas said, clearly observe the teaching of the Buddha. The teaching of the Buddha is thus, so nice, so clean. Such a great lecture. Didn't say a word.

[70:20]

. And yet, . . . In the beginning and end place, will the truth be read all the world's way.

[71:47]

Till all men sing and know, morning, day, and night. Home among the old to live and grow. But worship the Lord with joy today and tomorrow. In darkness I am not going with them. Millions are inexhaustible, I am not going with them. Now my days are countless, I am not going with them. The world's way is not still passable, I am not going with them.

[72:52]

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