Our life, our living, and complete, perfect enlightenment are exactly the same thing, are one thing. Or another way to say it is, our breath, every effort we make in life,

[01:02]

and the certainty or the verification of this life as perfect freedom, the living and the verification or certification or proof of this life as complete, perfect freedom, those two are really one thing. However, if we bring a sense of self to our experience,

[02:08]

then those two are not one anymore. Then our life is uncertainty and bondage and misery, and enlightenment and freedom and certainty are another thing. So the basic problem for us living beings is this habit of carrying a self to our experience or holding on to a self. Self-cleaning, self-cherishing, self-concern.

[03:15]

So this week I would like to basically talk about ways and indicate ways of how to protect ourselves from this habit of carrying a self. To our experience. To look at antidotes to this very strongly established tendency to hold on to this self. To look at ways to become free of the self. To become free of clinging to the self.

[04:32]

To become free of clinging to the self. In living, who sees quite frequently ways where she can express her life energy in certain creative dimensions and in certain helpful ways. And so she does certain things with this intention. However, she notices in the process that her activity becomes, this following through on activity which was originally creative, becomes compulsive.

[06:20]

And at the root of this compulsiveness is insecurity. And I would say then, at the root of this insecurity is this burden of a self. If you conduct your living while carrying the burden of a self, you're very likely to feel insecure and afraid. If you're conscious of this insecurity and this fear, you're in pretty good shape.

[07:27]

But even if you are conscious of it, you still may find that what you do in the midst of that insecurity and that fear, what you do is really, even though it might seem wholesome, it's actually compulsive. But certainly if you don't notice that you're insecure, and notice that you're afraid, then the things you do are even more compulsive. It's kind of like, I noticed some time ago, quite a few years ago, that sometimes I would be talking to someone and I felt uncomfortable and wanted to get away from them. And at a certain point I noticed that really I wanted to go to the toilet. But not noticing that I wanted to go to the toilet, I just wanted to get away from them and I didn't know why.

[08:44]

Once I find out that the reason why I want to get away from them is because I want to go to the toilet, I may have to go. I may have to say, please excuse me, I'm going to go now. Or I may be able to stay and talk to them, knowing that the reason why I want to leave is simply because I want to go to the toilet. But until I identify the reason for my nervousness and my impatience and my lack of interest, I may feel doubly confused and distracted. So in the case of going to the toilet, you can easily go and take care of that, and then you can come back and live your life. In the case of self-cleaning, it's not so easy to just go take care of it.

[09:50]

But it's the same kind of thing, that simply as long as you're holding that, you've got a problem. You've got to worry. It's hard for you to live your life. And if you don't know that you're clean to the soul, then it's hard for you to live your life too, but you don't even know why it's hard. So again, I propose to you, in rather stark terms, that all problems in life come from this one Source Habit. And that overcoming, or becoming free of this Habit, solves all problems.

[11:02]

I would also say that this Habit of holding on to a self in the midst of your experience, or importing a self to your experience, this Habit exists very much in terms of words. It lives in the realm of words, of names. There is a part of our life, a big part of our life, in some sense a more innocent part of our life, which is not in the realm, which does not function in the realm of words. It is the realm of direct experience. However, that realm is not a realm where we know things.

[12:26]

That realm does not have the problem of self-cleaning, does not have the problem of words. Problems, the source of the misery, happens in the realm of words, and the realm of knowing things. So very much the antidote, or the solution to the problem of clinging, comes to us through the way we use words, the way we hear them, the way we speak them, the way we see them, the way we smell them, the way we taste them, the way we touch them. Or another way to put it is that all those dimensions of seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, and tasting, as they are knowable experiences, are really experiences of words.

[13:28]

And that it is the way we use words that sets us into bondage, and misery, and insecurity, and compulsiveness. And there is another way of using words that releases us from that very realm. One Zen teacher said, that while carrying a self, or under the burden of a self, while carrying, you could say, one self, When we say one self, one self means one's self, right? One way to hear it is, one's self. The other way to hear it is, one self.

[14:34]

While carrying one's self, or while carrying one's self, while doing that, to practice Buddhism, or whatever, to try to be good, to try to be helpful, to try to take care of yourself, or take care of others, to make an effort to have a decent life, and help others to have a decent life, while carrying one's self, to try to do that, and then to try to prove, or certify, or be sure about this, that is delusion. What popped in my head just now is the Christian crusades.

[15:40]

People tromping off to do the work of Christ, by slaughtering people. To try to do good in the world, under the burden of a self, you will simply turn out to be destructive to yourself and others. Because you're operating under delusion, the whole program is dominated by the burden of a self, by the importation of a self to your experience. Now, another way to say this is, yeah, so the accent is, carrying one's self, to walk around carrying one's self, to take care of one's self.

[16:57]

Take care of one, only one self. You might think, well, how about if I carry two selves? Well, actually, that's a little bit better. But still, if you can carry two selves, still, if it's anything that you can carry around with you, you're acting under a burden. Well, how about three selves? Well, in a way, it's still a little bit better, but still, if you carry three selves. Well, how about an infinite number of selves? Well, that's actually okay. If you bring all selves, an infinite number of selves, if you import an infinite number of selves to your experience, moment by moment, that will be enlightenment.

[18:04]

As a matter of fact, if an infinite number of selves are not imported by you, because you cannot import an infinite number of selves, you cannot carry all living beings to this moment. However, if all beings do come forth, if all things do come forth, not just all beings, not just all living beings, but all things, if they all are imported forth and come here right now, and they practice and confirm one self, that is enlightenment. Notice how the language in these two cases is very close. It's a total reversal, but it's the same language, just turned upside down.

[19:12]

So with my hand, maybe I can again show it, is that if there is a carrying of one self to the experience, where you practice Buddhism and confirm all things and prove Buddhism while carrying a self, while carrying a self forward onto all your experience, you practice and confirm, that's delusion. But when all things come forth, and they practice and confirm those selves, that's enlightenment. Sitting here, is it possible to...

[20:33]

Can it be allowed that all things are advancing forward and confirming one self? That the one self is the advancing forward of all things. That's what the one self is. Okay.

[21:38]

Okay. Okay. So I ask you, can you identify, can you...

[23:25]

Can you identify? Or maybe I'll say it a little differently. Is it possible to see, to discover this habit, moment by moment? Of either holding on to a sense of self, or bringing a sense of self to your experience, or carrying a sense of self, moment by moment. Is it possible to discover that habit? Is it possible to discover that habit?

[25:17]

Management-wise, if I should ask you now, if anyone has been able to find that, or if anyone has been unable to find that. Have you all already been able to find it? It may be a little bit embarrassing if I ask you if you can't find it, and you're not willing to admit it, and you're being a dumb kid in class. But if anyone has the courage to say that they haven't found it, that might be interesting. Has anyone not found it? You can't see it? No, I haven't found it.

[26:17]

What? I have not found it. You have not found what? That sense of self coming from outside. That's why I'm here. When you look, where do you look? Did you look for it? In my own thinking. Okay. What did you do? Not much, except sit. And you didn't see any sense of self? Oh, a lot, too much. You saw some sense of self. Well, that's my self, not the self. Oh, I don't mean the self. I mean my self. I mean one self.

[27:18]

You could find that? Oh, yeah. What do you mean, too much? It's in the way. So you did find the self that's in the way? Yes. Okay. And do you understand what self it is that's not in the way? What self is it that's not in the way? Well, it's not here, you're right. It's a balance of that form and emptiness. It's not in my self, it's in the way. Some sort of human nature. One translation of this expression is,

[28:20]

when all things come forward and experience themselves, that is enlightenment. And I actually don't like that translation so well. Okay, so picture everything coming forward and confirming themselves. That sounds pretty good. In that scenario, there's no self-clinging. Can you see that? However, the problem there is that there's not a one self that's getting confirmed by all these things arriving. Yes. It seems to me that the word confirm is really used differently in these two sentences. When we carry the self forward and confirm things, that seems like a really grabbing arm, labeling, solidifying.

[29:21]

But when the myriad things advance and confirm us, that's different. I don't feel that all the claims are at all attached to the self that they're confirming. We've done it, but it's interesting. Yes, it's really different. It's the same word. The same word. I think that's why it's so tricky. What does the confirm mean in the second sentence? In the second sentence, the confirm is a confirmation or a validation of our life. Which is not just holding on to things, but it's actually all things holding on to us.

[30:23]

That's why I think it's better to say that all things come forward and confirm one's self. And enlightenment doesn't happen all over the place, exactly. It happens at one's self. It happens at one's self. And that all things are advancing forward and confirming one's self, [...] one's self. And when things happen that way, there's nothing to be afraid of. And when action comes from there, the action is not compulsive. It's not based on insecurity or infected by insecurity. Another translation is acting on and witnessing one's self in the advent of all things.

[31:44]

To break it up into two parts. To act on one's self in the advent of all things. Or witnessing one's self in the advent of all things. That's enlightenment. So again, if you can get a hold of a sense, if you can recognize the sense in which we bring the self to things, we bring the self forth onto things, if you can catch yourself at that,

[32:51]

you're very close in terms of language of seeing it the other way around. Instead of that this is brought to things, see that things are brought to make this. If you can make that switch, this is the point. Turn at that point. And the pivot is on the self. The self is where the clinging occurs and where the problems arise. And that same place that you can just change your perspective. I shouldn't say you can just change your perspective because you can't change your perspective. But if the perspective can change at that place of itself, that's where this is the place to look. You can't switch the dial from importing the self to having the self arrive by all things. You can't turn the dial, but you can look at that spot, concentrate at that place, and it can switch.

[33:55]

So that's what I'd like to work on this week, is looking at that place and circle around this place of the self-clinging. To look at this carrying the self, to look at how we walk around with the burden of the self on top of ourself, on top of ourself, on top of our life. To look at that and see if there's some way to look at that. By looking at it from various angles, that somehow maybe it can drop off. And without the self going away, but it's not that the self goes away, but that the self doesn't have a burden of the self on top of it. When the self-burden is dropped, then the self pops up fresh, freshly delivered by all things. And then again, that self is dropped, and another self is freshly delivered by all things.

[35:08]

So you keep getting new, fresh, and impermanent selves, moment after moment, none of which are carried, none of which are a burden. All things easily produce this person. Okay. It's kind of like all things are happening, and the little selves all over the world are popping up in the midst of all things happening. All things are happening all over the place, and each place where all things are happening in the living being, at each one of those places, a self pops up and goes away.

[36:15]

And all things arrive again all over the place. All things arrive here, there, [...] there. All these places, all things arrive at all places. And if there's a living being there, a self arises. Yes? I have the experience that there are these times when there are millions of impulses popping up, and there's something almost dirty and disreputable that is choosing sort of a lower spectrum of these. And I think, but I'm not quite sure, this isn't what you mean by the self. It has to be changed.

[37:23]

But my question is, in my experience, this only happens when something is very much speeded up in my body due to, I don't know, due to intensive work of some kind, or a period of time. And I have not found a way to even confirm this vision of this dirty, disreputable self that's constantly making illegitimate choices during more or less ordinary life conditions. Do you have not been able to notice it? Occasionally the taste of it, but not really to confirm it in the precise vision as I sometimes have under special states.

[38:23]

Oh, I see. When you say special states, you mean not in ordinary life, but in special states. Yes. Well, what I'm talking about is, in your language, to create, I don't want to say this exactly, but just in terms of your language, to create special states where you can see this more often. Or, another way to do it is to start visualizing, which is another kind of special state, to start visualizing things, to start thinking in a way that is an antidote to these states,

[39:29]

which is an antidote to this, as you say, small, disreputable self. It's not exactly that the self is small and disreputable, but that a small, disreputable self is being grasped. That any self that you can grasp is small. It's not so much that it's small, but by being grasped it becomes small and tight. Anyway, there's two ways of practice in this case. One would be to look at this activity and notice how disruptive it is. And by seeing this disruptive pattern, that lesson of this clinging to this small self and disruption, you see that association over and over and over, and they drop by that awareness.

[40:34]

The other way is to develop ways of thinking, and these two practices can be done together or alternatively or in parallel. The other way is to start thinking in ways which are antidotes to that activity, even if you can't see that activity. So I, in some sense, give you two kinds of assignments, and you can take both of them or one of them. One is, see if you can find this, see if in this valley, and with the intention to discover this self-clinging, see if you can find yourself carrying around a sense of self. See if you can find yourself, see if you can feel the burden of a self.

[41:38]

That's one thing. Can that effort put you into a state where you can discover that? Just can that effort put you into a special state where you can discover this and notice this? That's one way. The other way is, think new ways. And one way I would say is, think of nature. Think about nature. For example, think walking around during the day, no matter what you're doing, talking to people, brushing your teeth, cutting vegetables, swimming. Think of the mountains.

[42:42]

Think of water. Think of trees and grass. Just think of that. Think of nature all the time. Only think of nature. Don't think of people. Don't think of... Those are two different styles of antidote to this clinging. Okay.

[44:03]

Okay. What is the unburdened self? Is the unburdened self aware of a self? Is the unburdened self aware of a self? A self is not aware of a self. Awareness of self is not a self. Awareness of self is an awareness. A self is just a concept. An unburdened self is the person who knows that the self is just a fleeting concept. Openness and awareness of a self.

[45:37]

There's time to be aware of that. Be aware of this freshly delivered self. Freshly delivered self. Freshly delivered self. Constantly fresh new selves are popping up in our lives. These selves are unheard of before this moment. Unprecedented. Unique. Fresh and soon to disappear. They don't need to be cared for. As a matter of fact, if you do care for them, that is the source of all misery. Just let these little things pop up and go away and everything will be okay. If you believe that and try it, you'll notice, perhaps, either that you're happy all the time,

[47:04]

or you'll notice a strong habit coming up and saying, wait a minute, I've got to take care of these little guys. Or these little gals. I've got to take care of them, I've got to protect them. Because if you don't, who will? But you don't have to take care of them because... For me, this song is extremely apropos of this talk tonight. Somebody told me that it was written by Gershwin, but my sheet music says that it's written by Gershwin. It's written by Rogers Hammerstein II and Mr. Kern. But some people think it's written by Gershwin, which would have to be settled with the court.

[48:06]

The song is called Old Man River. Ready? Ready? How does it go? Oh, I've got the music ready. That old man river, that old man river, he must know something, but don't say nothing, he just keeps rolling, he keeps on rolling along. He don't plant taters, he don't plant cotton,

[49:12]

and damn that landscape, it's soon forgotten. But old man river, he just keeps rolling along. You and me, we sweat and strain, body all aching and wracked with pain, tort that bar, lift that bale, get a little drunk and you land in jail. I get weary and sick of trying,

[50:17]

I'm tired of living and scared of dying, but old man river, he just keeps rolling along. And then sometimes you go back and again you say, I gets weary. And then sometimes you go back and again you say, I gets weary.

[51:19]

To merit of Buddha's way, you can say God's own. You can say God's own. Namo'valokiteshvaraya Buddha, Namo'valokiteshvaraya Things are numberless, I vow to awaken with them. Delusions are impossible, I vow to end them.

[52:27]

Dharma and peace are boundless, I vow to reach them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable, I vow to become it.

[52:47]

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