what we just recited is called the Ehe Koso Hotsugamon, which means the verse of arousing the vow of the high priest Ehe. And this priest lived about 700 years ago. And this was his own personal vow. He wrote this poem to express his own personal vow, the prayer of his life. And during this last week, we've been having about, how many people sitting? 76. 76 trombones have been sitting. And before each Dharma talk, every day, we recite this vow.

[01:05]

So I wanted to continue through with that vow, but also I did want some of you who are coming in for just a day to hear it, perhaps for the first time. I hope it wasn't too shocking. Part of what it says there is that by I think revealing and disclosing our lack of faith in practice or our lack of faith and practice before the Buddha, we melt away the root of transgression. Now what transgression is being referred to?

[02:12]

Well, basically transgressing or veering away from the faith and the practice of a Buddha. Now this person who wrote this vow, and I personally am a disciple of Buddha. And that means that I take on the discipline of the Buddha. In other words, I want to practice like the Buddha practiced. Because I want to be Buddha's disciple. And that's what disciple means for me, is that I actually... practice the Buddha's discipline, practice the Buddha's practice. I try to find out what does the Buddha's practice, and then when I find out, I try to practice that way, to live that way. So transgression for me means that I veer away from the practice which I love, the practice which I want to give my life to.

[03:26]

the practice of Buddha, the practice of enlightenment, the practice of enlightening all beings and saving all beings from suffering. This is the practice of the Buddha. When we give ourselves wholeheartedly to that practice, there's no transgression. There's just Buddha and all sentient beings, which is the same thing. But sometimes we doubt the teaching of Buddha. We doubt the practice of Buddha. Sometimes we think we have better things to do. Sometimes we get cynical and say, enlightenment, oh please, or not for me, or something like that. Or I got enough problems.

[04:37]

Or I just can't face reality. Give me a break. But this vow says, by confessing and repenting, our lack of faith and practice, we melt away the root of transgression by admitting, hey, you know, I don't really believe Buddha's teaching. To tell you the truth, I don't. By admitting that I don't believe Buddha's teaching, by admitting that I really don't particularly want to practice Buddha's practice, because it's too hard or whatever, or I'm not going to get anything out of it, or something like that. And also, repenting, in other words, saying, hey, you know, I don't want to do it, and you know what? I'm miserable not doing it, and I'm really sorry I don't do it, and I do want to do it. In other words, I'm a human being, and I got conflicted here. I'm not practicing what I want to practice, but I do want to practice what I'm not practicing.

[05:47]

I do want to practice. I feel I do, but I didn't, but I do. I really do, now that I admit I didn't. And I really didn't, and that's it, and I do. I really do. And part of practicing Buddhist practice is to admit when I don't. I transgressed, and that's a transgression. And by admitting that I veer away from Buddha, the Buddha's teaching grows. And I like that and I want to contribute my life to Buddhist teaching, Buddhist practice. And by continually revealing and disclosing my lack of faith in the Buddhist teaching and my lack of complete wholehearted practice, by admitting that, the root of veering away melts away. This is a great Zen master who wrote this verse.

[06:49]

He obviously sometimes veered away. But he confessed it and realigned his body and mind with the way by confessing his veering away. And not only did he realign, but the root of veering away melts away by continually admitting the transgressions. By admitting that, oops, I veered away, oops, I slipped, oops, I veered... Not only do I realign by admitting I veered, but the root of veering melts away. And then one finally is steadily, can you believe it, steadily straight ahead on the path of wisdom and compassion for all beings. This is what he's saying. This is his vow. It's his prayer. Maybe he hopes that that will be so. But maybe he verified it actually. He said this is the teaching of verified Buddhas. Buddhas, the great Buddhas have said this is so and he says it's so.

[07:53]

So there it is. You have now heard this kind of teaching. You can consider this for the rest of your life if you wish. Now what is the teaching that we might not believe? That we might lack What's the teaching which we might lack in practice? Well, it's kind of an amazing teaching. I don't know exactly. The Buddha didn't speak English, so what I say is not necessarily what Buddha said. But last Sunday I proposed that what's going on actually here in the life, in your life, my life, our life, what's going on here is that we are actually right now being held, each of us, lovingly held, each of us.

[08:56]

Our life is held by the entire universe right now. And not only that, but our life is holding the whole universe. Maybe not our ego. Maybe your ego doesn't want to hold the whole universe or your ego doesn't want to hold a few some people. But your life, your actual life, embraces and sustains the entire universe. And the entire universe embraces and sustains your life. And it embraces and sustains everything that comes up in your life. Like, for example, it embraces and sustains transgression. Transgression. Even our transgressions are supported by the entire universe. And even our transgressions are expressions of the life which embraces and sustains all beings. I propose this as reality. Reality, truth, in the sense that this truth, if you realize this truth, if you understand this truth, this truth is the truth which is the end of suffering.

[10:03]

You won't suffer if you understand and completely accord with the truth that you are being held and supported by everything and vice versa, you hold and support all beings. If you realize this truth, this is the end of suffering. I said that last Sunday. I say it this Sunday. And I think about it in between Sundays. Do I believe it? 100%? When I do, I do. And when I don't, I don't. When I do, I feel, you know, I don't suffer. I feel like all suffering beings are my body and I can throw myself into the ocean of suffering beings and don't care where I land because that's my life. I'm not squeamish about anything when I feel like that. When I don't feel like that, I'm squeamish about quite a few things. And when I don't feel like that, my practice, my vow like Dogen's is to confess that I chickened out.

[11:07]

I turned away from the truth that all beings support me and I sustain all beings and therefore I'm scared, anxious, selfish and miserable. Somewhat in proportion to the level of my disbelief of that teaching. Right now, each of us has some understanding, some level of belief and trust in the teaching that all beings are lovingly supporting us, that our life is the result of that, and that's what our life is for. All of us, to some extent, understand that. And we're acting from our present level of understanding. Understanding at 1% is pretty good. 80%, you know, that's great. 100% is Buddha. By admitting it's only 80% or that it's only 2%, it moves up. It becomes more thorough.

[12:11]

Sometimes you may think You believe that teaching, but if you look at your behavior, you think, hmm, I'm not acting like I think all beings are supporting me. I'm not acting like I think this being is giving me life. I'm kind of like not being very respectful of this being if I thought this being was supporting my life. So whenever I find myself not respecting someone, I think, oh, I guess I don't believe that teaching, at least at this moment with this person. And someone else may say, I don't think I believe that teaching. But when you really are kind to someone and really respect someone and really appreciate someone, in fact, you believe the teaching because that's how you are with people when you trust this reality. And then during the week, one of the teachings, one of the statements I said to the group was that the entire universe is nothing but the true body of the self.

[13:51]

The entire universe is nothing but the true body of the self. We've got some people, we all think maybe we've got some body of the self. and that the body of the self that we've got has some limit on it, well, that's not the true body. That's not the body of the self that will be the end of suffering. The true body of the self is the entire universe. So that's another teaching where somebody might say, oh, that's cool, but we don't completely trust it and practice in accordance with it. So after seven days, still some people in this room do not completely trust that teaching. But that's really all right, as long as you realize that here I am trying to practice. I'm even considering being a disciple of Buddha, but actually I don't completely trust that teaching. But I admit it.

[14:56]

And I repent it, maybe, and then I get closer to completely understanding that the entire universe is a true body of the self. So this week we've been working on, do we have some resistance to that teaching? Is there some hindrance to realizing that teaching? Well, sure. How do we work with that? Well, today this verse says, just disclose it. reveal it and disclose it, admit it and that's pretty much all you have to do for now. Some human beings are selfish and being selfish, being deeply selfish, it's hard for us to embrace a way which is selfless. It's easy for us to doubt a way that's selfless unless somebody puts it in such a way that it looks like it might help us.

[16:08]

And actually sometimes Buddhas do phrase a selfless path in such a way that it sounds like it's good for the self and then some selfish people try it. But then sometimes as they get into it, kind of hooked, then gradually the Buddhas start disclosing the full significance of this selflessness. And then the people start to start backing out. So someone asked me, why would a selfish person want to practice a selfless practice? Well, I don't know. There's various reasons. One reason is that selfish people, funny thing is about being selfish is that part of being selfish, strangely, is to be ashamed of being selfish. Part of the self-protection, self-promotion enterprise is to be able to be ashamed of being selfish because if you're ashamed of being selfish, other selfish people will be easier on you and give you promotions.

[17:13]

So selfish people, the really, you know, kind of like surviving selfish people are the ones who can be ashamed of being selfish just at the right moment. And then other selfish people say, well, that's the right attitude. At least you're ashamed of trying to get your way. And at least you want to be selfless and do what I want. So we'll, you know, you're okay. But being ashamed is not all that comfortable, especially for a selfish person being ashamed isn't that comfortable. But that's part of the deal of being selfish is being ashamed. Now some selfish people are not ashamed, they're called shameless. And then we say shame on you. Please be ashamed. Be ashamed of being selfish and really be ashamed of being self, what do you call it?

[18:16]

Shameless. Get with shame. You're a good candidate for it. Try it on. And then when we try it on, then they lay off. Once we get the hang of it. Okay, now you got the shame thing, fine. Go be miserable. You should be miserable, you selfish thing. At least then the other selfish person doesn't have to worry about you anymore. So part of being selfish is to be miserable. And being ashamed of yourself is part of it. Being ashamed of our pettiness, our pettiness, is part of it. And again, that shame is part of the selfishness. It's a consequence, but also it promotes the selfishness. But by revealing and disclosing the selfishness, we melt away the root of the selfishness. So the person says, well, why would a selfish person want to practice?

[19:25]

Again, I said that before, many reasons. One is that you're miserable. Another is that you see, you hear about or you see, you see actually somebody behaving in a way that looks totally beautiful and cool. And you think, now that looks like the way. Now that would be a way to be free of all this selfishness and all the complicated entanglements and tedious projects that this selfish person has to do in this very exhausting and obnoxious way. If I could be like that. In other words, selfish people sometimes see a selfless person or somebody who looks selfless and they like it because they see, hey, that would be freedom and it's beautiful too. It's inspiring.

[20:28]

Or we just hear about a story about a selfless person and we think, That's the way to go. At least, that's my story. I was like, you know, walking on the earth, selfish person, and feeling bad about being selfish. I was a lucky boy, a lucky young man. I was healthy. I had a comfortable life. I had a comfortable apartment. I had a comfortable life. I had nice friends. I had a lovely apartment and a sweet dog. And there I was all comfortable and I even had a motor scooter that worked. And I was riding my motor scooter one time I was riding home on my motor scooter.

[21:30]

And my apartment was very comfortable. But my apartment was in kind of a slum. That's part of the reason why I could afford this nice apartment. Because the rent was only $75. Of course, this was a long time ago. And it was a big, beautiful apartment. Anyway, I was driving home to my beautiful apartment with all my beautiful books and my beautiful dog. in my beautiful telephone that I could call up beautiful people. I'm driving home through the slums and I drive by a bar and outside the bar are some living beings, some adult living beings, big ones. And they're outside the bar and they're drinking on the street, drinking alcohol and they're vomiting and they're falling all over each other. They're mindlessly suffering. They're trying to get rid of their suffering by drowning themselves in cheap liquor.

[22:32]

And they're doing a pretty good job of making themselves numb. But still they're slightly irritated with each other and push each other around and stuff. Never quite getting to the place they want to get a freedom from suffering by this method. I drive by them. on my motorcycle, on my motor scooter, to my nice little apartment. And I feel, you know, I don't want these people to come into my little house. I wouldn't want them to come over to my little house. And I feel really ashamed. I feel really ashamed that I have this nice place, but I don't want these people to share my life with me. There's something about us that feels ashamed when we exclude living beings from our comfort. So I go home into my nice little house and I close the door to all that messiness and I open my book about Zen and I read a story about a monk who's not like that, who's not afraid of

[23:43]

miserable drunken people who loves beings in this Zen way. And I think, I want to be like that. The beautiful response to living beings attracts me. The compassionate, wise, humorous, flexible way of those monks attracts the young man says maybe if he could learn how to be like that. Even the Buddha, Shakyamuni, you know, had a really comfortable little apartment too, except he had a big apartment, he had a palace. And one day he went outside his palace and saw the people on the street, the miserable people on the street, and he was shocked. He was shocked to see the suffering and what happens to people, but he also which is not a story that is so well known, he also felt repulsion at seeing these old, decrepit people.

[24:48]

And he felt ashamed and embarrassed to feel repulsion towards living beings who were just in a state that he soon would be in. He felt ashamed of his low level of spiritual awareness development that an old, decaying, dying, suffering person would be someone that he felt some revulsion towards. And that was part of his decision. I gotta like find a way not to be turned away from life in this manifestation. I gotta find a way. Now, in his case, he didn't have some Zen books to read to show him an example. He couldn't read books about his own disciples because they hadn't appeared yet. If Buddha could have read his own teaching, he would have joined his own group.

[25:56]

But his teaching wasn't out there yet. That's one of the neat things, you know, about being living right now is we can look at Buddha's teaching. He already tells us what it is. He had to find it all by himself. And that's part of the reason why, you know, if you think about it, Shakyamuni Buddha was really a wonderful thing that happened in this world because he found this way, this way of love and compassion. this way of understanding that selfishness is the root problem. And by facing that selfishness and admitting it, it brings us back to look at the reality which we veered away from. He found that out. And he found it by finding his selfishness. And he went away and sat And finally he looked at his selfishness and he faced it.

[27:01]

And he faced it in a balanced way. He didn't bang his head against it. He didn't slug himself and punish himself for it. It was already a punishment enough to be selfish. He faced the consequences of being selfish in an upright way. physical and mental posture. And he saw the reality of selflessness by facing the appearance of selfishness. So looking at the behavior of the Buddha, looking at the behavior of his wonderful disciples over the centuries, they did these wonderful acts of compassion because they faced their selfishness. So when I wanted to be a disciple of Buddha, I joined up for the training course, the Buddha training course, which starts with admitting that you're a human being,

[28:06]

admitting your selfishness, not theoretically, but they can start with that, but actually, case by case, noticing your own selfishness and the consequences of that, facing it, facing it, facing it, admitting it, facing it, admitting it. And doing it in a way that's loving, because if you do it in a rough way, you're just going to do it for like a minute or two and then quit for several years. If you stick your face in it too cruelly and start getting excessive about it, then you're just going to do it for a little while because it's just too painful to do it that way. You've got to do it in a way that you can sustain. And as you can sustain that, then your eyes start to open to the reality which we turn away from, the reality which is not that the self is standing all by herself. and got to make her way in the world. But that self is supported by all beings and that the whole universe is actually what the self really is.

[29:08]

But it's hard to look at that. That's why we have a group like this. That's why we have these meditation retreats. And you get these 76 people together, each one of which, after a few minutes of meditation, would like to go do something else. But they look at their neighbors and they say, look at that person sitting there. You know, I don't want to abandon this person. They're a fine person. You know, if I leave, it'll distract them from doing the hard work which I theoretically would like to do. Right now, I'm kind of getting bored. I want to do something more interesting than face my own pettiness, my own self-concern, my own arrogance, my own preference for myself over the rest of the universe. My own delusion that I live independently. I don't want to look at that right now. I did when I signed up for this, but now that I'm coming for it, it's not that interesting.

[30:12]

But this person sitting next to me, and they're probably, I don't know what they're doing, but they're sitting very nicely. And I don't want to get up and leave now and disturb them. And not only that, but it kind of encourages me that they do it. They're kind of beautiful. It's inspiring. So I think maybe I'll sit here a little longer. Maybe I'll leave at the end of the period. And then you see, well, there's a person in front of me, they're also doing it, and a person this way. Geez, all these other people, am I the only one who can't do this? Well, then selfishness comes to your aid, like, well, I'm not going to be the wimp of the group. Then you think, well, maybe I will be. Maybe I'll be like, at least I'll be the wimpiest. You try all these things out, but finally, with all this loving support... you start to get that you actually are being supported. You start to open up to reality and you start to, well, be a Buddha. And then the other people start, they're also looking at you, you're also helping them. You start to get a feeling like you're helping them.

[31:16]

Like they're helping you, you're helping them. They're working hard too, facing what it means to have a human body that isn't wiggling all the time and distracting itself. They're facing that. There they are doing that. That's pretty encouraging to you. And also you're doing the same thing. You're encouraging them. it starts to feel pretty good, even though it's really hard. It's hard to be a human. It's hard to be just a human. Nothing's harder for humans than to be humans. Nothing's harder. But when a human being is just a human being, that is Buddha. And only Buddhas can do that. And they do it because they want to encourage other beings to be themselves and be Buddha. And the reason why they can do that is not only do they love all beings, but Buddhas are helping them help other people be people and therefore be Buddhas. So here we are.

[32:18]

Each of you is helping all of us. And we're all helping you. Each of you is helping each of us be Buddha. And each of us is helping you be Buddha. which means you be you and face what you are. And if you say it's hard, you're right. All the ancestors said it's not easy. And you don't have to say it over and over. We understand. Once a year is enough. If you say it too much, you're distracting yourself from facing how hard it is. It's harder than just saying it's hard. That's pretty easy actually to say it's hard. But beyond hard and easy is the actual work of facing the reality of ignoring reality.

[33:24]

And we don't exactly know where to look to see reality because you don't have to move at all to see reality. It's always right in your face. And also Your selfishness and turning away from reality is also right in your face. You don't have to move at all to see everything you need to see. You don't have to move at all to see what you need to see. But guess what you do need to do? You have to not move at all. And that's hard. It's hard to understand what that means. But it's something like, you know, being awake being attentive to what's happening. You don't have to spend any time running away from what's happening now, so all your energy is available to be aware of what's happening and to be attentive to it and to appreciate it. All the energy which is like going into acting out lack of appreciation can now be turned towards appreciation.

[34:27]

Appreciation of what? This and this and this and this and this. So in Zen, we sit and we face a wall, you know, or we face the floor, which means we face ourself. And we face the wall in the spirit of being like a wall. When we see something, we do what a wall would do. Namely, we just see something. We just face it. We don't try to like trade it in for something better. And all these wonderful monks that I read these stories about, from the Buddha down till now, they did this practice of simply appreciating what's happening without messing with it.

[35:33]

Like now. Like now, appreciating what's happening without manipulating it. Just flat out appreciation. Not liking as opposed to disliking, but appreciate. Not liking as opposed to disliking. Not liking, but praise it. Praise whatever is happening. Praise it. How do you praise it? You feel grateful. You don't say, well, that's pretty good. Could I have more? You don't say, that's pretty good. Could I have less? Or you don't say, that's pretty bad. Could I have less? The Buddha does not practice that way. The Buddha does not ask for more of this or less of this. The Buddha doesn't ask for anything but this. And the Buddha always gets this and the Buddha says, thank you. But you're like that too. You always get this.

[36:48]

But do you say thank you every time? If you do, that's called praising. That's a mind like a wall. And if you have a mind like this that just says thank you to everything, this life that's always there blooms into what we call enlightenment. Enlightenment. This sounds really simple to me. Just be awake all the time, or just, no, just be awake for a moment. Just be awake now. Just be attentive to what's happening. And be grateful, and don't ask for something different. That's all. It sounds simple.

[37:51]

Is it hard? Yeah, but it's simple. And I propose that that is the practice of all these, whatever number there are, hundreds, thousands, millions of ancient, compassionate and wise beings, that they all did the same practice. It all came down to appreciating life as it's manifesting now without any manipulation. And that from this appreciation, from this meditation comes forth wisdom and compassion. And if you don't trust that practice, if you don't trust the practice of being where you are, being awake, not wiggling away at all from where you are, if you don't trust that practice, then revealing and disclosing that lack of trust in being what you are right now

[39:13]

melts away the root of not trusting that, of not trusting yourself as you are right now. So we have this, you know, this retreat here this week, and because of the retreat today, there's not going to be a tea.

[40:46]

I guess no muffins, huh? Is that right? No muffins? So I hope you're okay without your muffins. And no tea? I'm really sorry about the no tea part. Because you know what Zen practice is? It's to drink your tea and go. But we don't have any tea for you. So I guess change it to be yourself and go. And the people in the retreat, they've been working hard all week and to some extent they're kind of happy that it's going to be over pretty soon. and they don't want to face themselves so intensely. But they're also kind of sad because they know they're going to leave here and they're not going to have those people sitting next to them encouraging them, encouraging them, giving, supporting their courage to stay where they are, to be where they are.

[42:01]

Not stay, to be where they are right now. You don't have to stay there just for a moment to completely be They're going to leave here and they're not going to have people standing to the right, to the left, in the front, in the back, saying, you know, I'm trying to sit here, would you please do the same? I'm trying to face my life, would you please face yours? Or, maybe they're not saying that, maybe they're just saying, I'm trying to face my life and I really appreciate you looking like you're facing yours. It's really encouraging that you look like you're facing yours. And some of, actually, that person over there looks like she's not facing hers. She looks like she's squirming. That's not so encouraging, but in a way it is encouraging too because that's how I am, so maybe I'm not the only one. Anyway, we basically, I feel encouraged, so we're afraid for this thing to end too. We're happy for it to end and we're afraid for it to end because in some sense it's harder afterwards. But we have to just give it up.

[43:07]

and jump into the ocean of beings and see if we can find the practice again when everything changes. We've always got what we need, our life. And our life's always got what it needs, the entire universe. It needs the entire universe to be here and it needs the entire universe to take care of. You've got a world to take care of wherever you are and the world's taking care of you wherever you are. So now it's time to think about what is your vow?

[44:17]

Do you have the vow of the ancient masters? Dogen Zenji Eihei Koso wrote this thing. Maybe today you could write your own vow. What vow do you have for this life? What is your intention for practice? You could just copy this. You can take these home with you and you can copy them. Don't, you know, change the title if you copy it, but you can basically copy it if you want to. It's fine. Buddhists don't mind you copying them. You'll still be different. Don't worry. So please, you know, consider what your vow is.

[45:22]

Quietly consider what you want for the rest of your life, what you want, perhaps like him, for many lifetimes. Do you want to spend many lifetimes being a beneficent being in the universe? If so, maybe that's your vow. Maybe you could write that down and say, that's what I want. I vow. I vow to hear the truth, to realize the truth. And if I turn away from it, by revealing and disclosing my veering away, I turn back to the truth, to the way of peace and harmony for all beings. It's kind of rude for me to say this, but I actually ask you... I ask you to make a vow today.

[46:35]

But actually, I ask you to see if you can find your vow, because you can't make it before you find it. Is there some vow you can make? And what is it? And would you please look for it? And if you can find it, consider making it if you're ready. I don't want you to make it before you're ready, actually. What is your hope? What is your vow for your life? I myself am not very original. My vow is kind of like that one that you just read. I kind of copy that. For me it's really suitable, especially the part about the transgressions. They're not appropriate to me. who knows, maybe this 700-year-old vow is just right for you. Maybe it's suitable for modern people who have so many distractions.

[47:41]

But anyway, please, since there's no tea and muffins, when you leave this room, you can walk around this valley on this lovely spring morning and meditate on what you hope to do with the rest of this life. Considering this is already a great benefit that you bestow upon the world. Please give this gift to all beings. And anybody who doesn't want to give it, I'll be outside to talk to you. I won't punish you. I will just listen to you confess to me that you do not want to make a vow. Now, what's the song about this?

[48:50]

Huh? Maybe we're ragged and funny, but we'll travel along singing a song side by side. Through all kinds of weather, it doesn't matter at all. Just as long as we're together, it doesn't matter at all. That it? They are intentional.

[49:35]

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