The purpose of Zen training or Zen practice is to purify our love, to purify our love of all dualities, Another way to put it would be, the purpose of Zen is to heal the world, heal the wound in the world.

[01:12]

So the wound in the world is a wound in our love. And as I say that, it occurs to me that there's an implication that it would be possible that the world could be healed or that love could be purified of duality. and even that this healed condition is available right now, even while there is war going on right now.

[02:19]

We just got over a war, now we have another one, and we have war after war after war. in this world. And so we have a practice which we call Zen to reach this healing place, to reach the place where we're not split from each other. or rather to reach the place where we're free of that split. The duality may still be there. The duality between subject and object, self and other, may still be there.

[03:27]

but it may be possible for us to let go of it and be free of it and to act in freedom from this split between self and other. This split which is a source of acting in warlike ways. Because if we hold to that split, We're in pain, we're perplexed, we're anxious and afraid and susceptible to hatred. If we let go of that duality, even while it still appears, we can act free of it and even come to the point where we would be willing to die in order not to hate.

[04:30]

Or we would be willing to die in order to not act in hateful, harmful ways. we would give up grasping the view that we're separate. And because of giving that up, we could be free of that view. And being free of that view, we would no longer be afraid of death or life. And although we wouldn't be afraid of death and life, we would, strangely, be very protective of all forms of life.

[05:39]

And again, we would we would be willing to die in order to protect life. For some time now, well, for approximately 2500 years, disciples of the Buddha have been trying to learn what we call the middle way. And we're still trying to learn it this morning. During this last week, during this last month, during this last year, we've been talking about the middle way quite a bit.

[06:55]

And I feel maybe the simplest way to put the middle way right now is to directly experience The middle way is to directly experience, or the middle way is directly experiencing experience. Just to feel what it's like to have a feeling. Now, the way the middle way is often phrased is, first of all, the first way the Buddha put it was to not practice two extremes.

[08:04]

There are two extremes that we ought not to practice if we wish to be in the middle. Or put it another way, there's two extremes we ought not to practice if we want to directly and simply experience life. And those two extremes are to distract ourself. Two ways of distracting ourselves from our experience. And the two ways, the two extreme ways are devotion to addiction to sense pleasure and and devotion to self-mortification. Those are two ways to distract ourselves from what we're feeling, from what we're experiencing, that the Buddha recommended we ought not to practice. And someone here said to me a while ago, I hope you know

[09:14]

that some of us will do anything to practice these extremes. Do you know that? I think she said that because I wasn't sure if people were aware of practicing these extremes. And then she said, do you know that some of us are quite aware that we're practicing these extremes and we'll do anything to continue? Switching maybe between addiction to sense pleasure and self-mortification. Maybe doing both at the same time occasionally. And so I thanked her for that strong statement And I was happy that she was so aware of how strongly she was drawn to distract herself from life by these extremes.

[10:21]

Then the other extremes that the Buddha encouraged us not to grasp are views, attitudes. And these are also ways we distract ourselves from our life, but not so much exactly distract, but more abstract ourself, to lift ourselves up out of our life into a buffer zone, an intellectual buffer zone. an abstract commentarial space where we think about and talk about our life all day long. Rather than sinking down into it, we're just chattering about it to ourselves and others. I wonder what it would be like to actually, like, talk about what it feels like to be with you. We should do that sometime, don't you think? I wonder if I should bring up doing it now.

[11:41]

Yeah, let's talk about it. But how about like not even talking about it, how about just shut up and feel it? To feel what it's like to be together without any commentary, without any metaphysical view like this is really happening or this is not. So we can distract ourselves through feelings and through sensation and through our thoughts and even through intuitions. We can distract ourselves and abstract ourselves from our experience. And the middle way is to give up these distractions and these abstractions and just sink down into the green dragon's cave. and feel what it's like to be alive right now to descend down to the earth to come back from diversion to come back from alternatives to this moment and just take it like a woman

[13:04]

So someone sent me a note a while ago and said, I wonder, can you really wholeheartedly love? Can you be wholeheartedly loving and compassionate in the middle? The middle way that we're talking about now is it's in the middle between distracting yourself from your loving. It's in the middle in that way. You're sitting in the middle of your love rather than in the suburbs of your love or in the traffic jam outside your love. I'm trying to get home, but I can't get there yet because I've gotten myself into this diversion and now it has its own momentum and I can't get home. It's not true.

[14:28]

Just let go of your distractions and abstractions and feel what it's like to be in a traffic jam. That's the way you practice love now. It's always possible to recover and be in the middle. The middle way is not going to undermine your wholehearted loving. It's going to remove, it's the way to remove the dualities of your loving. It's the way to love all the way. First of all, the way to feel all the way, and the way to think all the way, and the way to sense all the way.

[15:33]

The middle way means the way of facing, for example, your revulsion. If you feel revolted by something or somebody, somebody out there or somebody in here, if you feel revulsion, the middle way is to not distract yourself from that feeling of revulsion and feel it all the way. go to the summit of revulsion, where you've felt the revulsion so completely that there's no revulsion left. At the summit of revulsion, the revulsion is just revulsion.

[16:53]

At the summit of revulsion, there's no revulsion. The middle way is to face all the way your selfishness, your own selfishness, to face it completely, to feel it completely. to go all the way to the I of your selfishness, where your selfishness is just selfishness, where you don't distract yourself from your selfishness at all, where you have no alternative to the way you're selfish right now. And in the I of your selfishness, your selfishness is just selfishness, and there's no selfishness you go to the summit of the feeling of separation from somebody else and the anxiety you feel there.

[18:04]

And being willing to feel separate from somebody else and being willing to feel the anxiety of being separate from the other, all the way to the summit of that anxiety, without distracting yourself by these things that you'll do anything to do to distract yourself, somehow giving up these distractions and going all the way to the mountaintop of anxiety. Don't rush there. Don't push yourself there. Walk slowly and carefully. Feel the anxiety all the way.

[19:07]

Don't go looking for it. It'll come to you. Take the anxiety that's given, not the anxiety you want to feel. and feel the anxiety that's given to you all the way with no distractions, with no alternatives, giving up all views about what this anxiety is. At the summit of anxiety there is no anxiety. There's just anxiety. There's just a mountain of anxiety and you're sitting on top of it. And you have nothing to attain.

[20:16]

You have nothing. You are the bodhisattva who has nothing to attain. You're holding on to nothing. You've given up your distractions. You've given up your views. You're naked. You have nothing. All you trust is perfect wisdom. All you trust is giving up alternatives and giving up all views. It isn't that you trust nothing, and it isn't that you trust something. You trust neither something nor nothing.

[21:23]

In other words, you trust giving up something and nothing. You give up all views. You give up the views that there's something, and you give up the views that there's nothing, and everything in between. on your way to the top of this mountain, as you consider giving up all views that everything exists and the views that everything does not exist, as you walk to the top of the mountain of this anxiety, giving up all distractions of self-mortification, and indulgence in sense pleasures, you might feel fear of what will happen to you if you don't have your little distractions and abstractions. This feeling of fear is part of the trip.

[22:28]

So you need to be in a place where you feel like you could, at least for a moment, Just try a little experiment for a moment of letting go of sense pleasure, of indulgence in sense pleasure, letting go for a moment the trusting that it exists or trusting that it doesn't exist. Just stop being a metaphysician for a moment. If you need somebody to hold your hand, We'll get somebody to hold your hand. We'll stand by you and say, it's okay, you can do it for a moment. I won't guarantee what will happen, but I will guarantee you'll be all right. And you won't harm anybody if you let go of them. And you won't harm your indulgences and distractions if you let go of them.

[23:33]

And your views and opinions, they won't be damaged if you let go of them. It won't harm anything. As a matter of fact, it has the potential to set you free and to heal your heart. So give it a try, just for one moment, and then another. That's the only place it really is tried anyway. Just watch your experience arise and cease. That's all. No big deal. Watch your anxiety arise and cease until you can go all the way with this arising and ceasing.

[24:44]

until you can simply settle into your experience which you can be aware of coming up and going down. Until you can just feel this sight, this experience of sight coming up and going down, this smell this feeling of smelling coming up and going down, this feeling of pain coming up and going down, until you can simply feel what it's like to be alive with no distractions. Now you're in a place where the world is healed. It's healed right here by one of us, by each of us being willing to not be someplace else.

[26:03]

We can't heal our heart in absentia. We have to feel the wounded heart all the way We have to be willing to feel the wounded heart with no distraction and no abstraction. That's where it's healed, and that's how it's healed. You've loved all the way to this point. You've loved your wounded heart all the way.

[27:09]

You've loved your wounded love all the way. all the way to the point where there's no running away from it anymore. You've walked with it until you become intimate with this wounded heart. This is your love of your wounded love. You've held hands with this wounded child for a long time. You've walked with him until you finally stopped running away from being with him. You've walked with him and you've seen his pain. You've watched him tremble and twist and writhe because he's cut in two and he's anxious.

[28:20]

but you stayed with him. And while you were walking with him, you many times thought of trying to get away from him, or to get him to not be the way he was, to distract yourself from what it's like to be with him. You thought of that, but you didn't do it. Instead, you just loved him, which means you were just with him. Again and again, you were just with him, with no defense, with no leverage, with no alternatives, with no distraction, just simply with him. Still maybe feeling separate, but being willing to feel what it's like to feel separate. Now, after this long walk, you become close to him, intimate with him. and you understand that he's just him and he's not even him.

[29:22]

And his anxiety is just anxiety and it's not even anxiety. This is all the work of being willing to feel what it's like to be alive. so simple, and nothing is more difficult for us than to simply stop running away. Stop running away from what it's like to be here and feel it. Now, at this point, the world has been healed in one spot. One heart has been healed. One heart is no longer running away The wound is still there, but the wound is simultaneously healed. The split is still there, but there's freedom from the split.

[30:33]

For eons, the split has been there, but there has been slavery to the split. And the slavery to the split manifests in spending almost all our time trying to get away from what the split feels like. Now, we're not afraid of the split anymore. We're at peace with the wound. The wound is still there. We're at peace with it, and we're free of it. The wound is healed, but there's still a wound. The wound is not annihilated. The idea of annihilating the wound is one of the ways to distract ourselves from the healing process.

[31:40]

The view that the wound exists is a way to distract ourselves from the healing process. The healing process is to be with the wound without holding on to the views of annihilating it or it going on. You're just wounded. That's the way of healing. And the healing goes to the point of complete freedom with the wound. Now it has become, I'm afraid, almost a cliché to speak of the wounded healer. But here it is. It's a healer who was wounded

[32:48]

one with the wound because being a human you have this wound your mind creates the split between yourself and others this is human but this wounded person can be a healer because some of the wounded people are not running away from being wounded and those wounded who are not running away from the wounded who had completely given up distracting themselves are healed while wounded and are thus wounded healers. They are so completely wounded that they're free from the wound. And they're healers because other people can see, look, that wounded critter is not running away from being wounded. When we see a wounded animal who's not running away from being wounded, we're moved. When we see a wounded animal who's running away from being wounded, we're moved.

[33:51]

But when we see a wounded animal running away from being wounded, we think, how ignorant. They can't get away from being wounded. And actually, I don't know if you very often see a wounded animal running away from being wounded. They're quite rare, except among the humans. Other animals, when they're wounded, they usually accept it. I think, and be wounded. And when we see this, we think, hmm, that's different. Watch a dog die. Watch a dog have a baby, a pup. They don't know about trying to get away, or at least so much so that it looks like they don't from our perspective. But we can think of being not wounded when we're wounded. So the healer is one wounded who shows it's possible to not run away from being wounded.

[34:56]

Namely, they're just wounded. And again, the way it works is when you're just wounded, you're free of being wounded. For short, we say, you're not wounded, but you are wounded. It's just that it's like you're not wounded. It's like you're healed. but you're still wounded. Because you've loved your wound all the way. Not liked your wound. Well, part of the trip was you liked your wound. Most of the trip you didn't like your wound. Maybe 85% of the time you didn't like your wound, and 3% of the time you tried liking your wound. But in the end, you didn't like your wound or dislike your wound. You loved your wound. Loving your wound means you were your wound's close companion. And finally, you gave up liking your wound.

[35:58]

You gave up disliking your wound. And you just loved your wound. You were just intimate with your wound. And you were healed. But you're still wounded. And so you can show everybody else, one by one or one by two, you can show them, here I am, wounded and healed. And it could happen to you. But first of all, you've got to admit you're wounded. Are you up for that? If you're not, I understand. Eons. I didn't want to admit it. Finally, somehow, I admitted it. I saw it. I felt wounded. And I ran away. But then I came back. They saw it again. Finally, I stopped running away. And now, here I am, just on the summit of being.

[36:59]

And up here, there's nothing to attain. And no fear exists. And then some people say, well, if you give up all views and all distractions and you're healed, how would you help people? How would you or opinions? Well. That's another lecture. But basically, without having any views or any opinions, having given them all up, without any distractions and just being what you are, like everybody else, just being how you are,

[38:11]

When people call, you respond. And they do call. When people cry, you hear them. When people touch you, you feel it. And your feeling is your response. Right then. Not later. Right then. As soon as they touch you, You feel it. And your feeling is your healing. The fact that you feel and the fact that you feel completely is the way you heal the person who touches you or calls to you. So you go to the summit of your life, to the summit of your experience, to the summit of your experience, whatever it is, pain or pleasure, fear or anxiety, you go to the summit and you sit there and you wait and see if you can say,

[40:05]

if it comes out of you. The bodhisattva with nothing to attain relies on perfect wisdom and no hindrance exists. I'm willing to live and I'll be whatever whatever the universe makes me. So this is unusual than the usual Sunday morning. We don't have question and answer later. We have question and answer now. But there will be no answers.

[41:15]

Unless there are questions. Just feel that. Yes, Sala? Can you use the word letting go a lot, or the expression letting go? Letting go. And letting go of duality. Letting go of duality, yes. I don't mean letting go of something you do, right? So what you do is you grasp. You grasp, you grasp, you grasp, right? So first thing you do is you grasp. So you're grasping.

[42:23]

Now, if you're ever so lucky as to notice that you're grasping, which is happening all the time, but if you have a chance to notice that you're grasping, basically you're on the middle way, pretty much. You're at the beginning, but you're... One of the first steps, or the foothills, of learning what it means to let go is to learn what it means to hold on. You can't let go if you don't face that you're holding on. So if you can notice that you're holding on, you're starting to learn what it means to let go. And again, if you notice some grasping, and if you can notice some more grasping, you're walking up. Not grasping.

[43:30]

Not so familiar because you're still grasping. You're grasping and you notice you're grasping. So again, you keep walking, you keep noticing you're grasping. And also you notice what it feels like. Can you experience your grasping? Can you feel what it's like to grasp? You are grasping probably. Probably you are. You are grasping. But do you feel it? Do you feel yourself holding on for dear life? If you do, this is the beginning of learning what it means to grasp. at the eye of grasping, you will understand that grasping is just grasping, and you will realize no grasping. But not by doing something called not grasping, because that's another kind of grasping. But by understanding thoroughly and feeling thoroughly what it's like to grasp, and not holding back at all from what it's like to grasp.

[44:43]

Because in fact, you do grasp wholeheartedly. but you seldom admit it and feel it all the way. So in fully grasping, you will find right at the eye of that, there's no grasping. There's letting go. In fully experiencing how much you don't let go, you will find out, you will realize letting go. And similarly, if you understand and realize letting go, you can admit how much you're holding on. Those who have let go are those who say, I'm totally holding on. Those of us who haven't let go are afraid to admit that we haven't let go. So admitting that you're holding on is at the same place as realizing that you've let go. And realizing you let go is at the same place of admitting that you're holding on.

[45:46]

Being healed is at the same place as admitting that your wound did. Okay? Pat? I did forget. And in my forgetting... I forgot completely. And I remembered your name. Pat. Patricia, right? Not Patricia? Used to be, yeah. When I say the universe, Did I say the universe? Yeah? Are you referring to something all-knowing, but not calling it a name because then that's judgment on a name?

[47:02]

Am I thinking of something all-knowing? No, I'm not thinking of something all-knowing, but, I mean, all-knowing is part of what's going on in the universe, but also all-not-knowing and all-stupid is also included in what I mean by the universe. What? What? I think I said all knowing and all not knowing and all stupid are included in what I mean by the universe or the world. There's no stupid over here, right? So we need the stupid out there so that I can be me. Or if I'm stupid, I need to not stupid out there so I can be stupid. Anyway, we are, each of us are the world's project. And now that we're here, the world that we've got is inseparable from us, and we make it.

[48:09]

Round and round we go. I sometimes feel at a loss on how to change the dynamics of my hurt the way I am because I know it isn't something I can get okay I'm at a loss I'm going to repeat what you said now I'm at a loss of how to change the dynamics of the way I am So sometimes you pray to God to give you an insight? Do you want to know that or do you want to know about how to change the dynamics of how you are?

[49:29]

Okay, so the dynamics of the way you are is that you have this experience of wanting to reach out to get some help, to ask for some insight. That's part of the dynamics? That's the way you are sometimes? You frequently call out for help, give me insight? That's great. It's a nice dynamic way of being. It's a good dynamic. I like that dynamic. Please give me insight. God or Buddha's give me insight. And Buddha says back to you, be yourself completely. Go to the summit of Pat. Feel what it's like to be you completely. Feel what it's like Feel the experience of the dynamics of how you are.

[50:35]

Feel that completely. Not yet. And that feeling completely the dynamics of how you are, that's a new way to be. But it's not adding anything to what's already happening. It's just fully accepting and fully experiencing what's already available to you. That will be a new way of being. That will be the intimacy of the dynamics of the way you are. And then infinite new ways of new kinds of activity will be possible. activities will not only be possible but will be realized. Now they're possible but they're interfered with because of an unwillingness to fully experience the dynamics of the way you are. And calling out for help is fine.

[51:38]

That's part of what you have to learn is what it's like to call out for help. And you'll notice that when you call out for help you'll have a certain experience. And you'll notice that if you call out for help thinking that there's something out there that's not you, you'll notice that that weakens you. You get weak when you do that, when you think it's out there. It rips your heart apart again. But if you can learn how to call out for insight, but not to something outside, and not to something inside, but just be this woman on the planet saying, give me insight. Like, give me an A. Give me a B. But, you know, not like somebody's out there that's going to give me the B. Just here I am. Give me a B. Give me a U. Give me two Ds.

[52:40]

Give me an H. Give me an A. Give me a B. Give me a U. I feel that. There's nobody out there. I give up that idea. And there's nobody in here. I give up that idea. I'm just here asking with my whole heart for a B, for a great wisdom. Give me great wisdom. Come on, give me great wisdom. Give me great compassion. Come on, give it. I'm not talking to somebody out there. But if I am, I see how that feels and I feel like this is weakening me. I'm not going to be able to keep up this request for very long. About three more and I'll be done. But just gimme, gimme, gimme. I can say that forever. Do you understand?

[53:43]

Say yes. No, no, be that gerbil. No, be that gerbil. Be that gerbil. Huh? What? He thinks so? Huh? Okay. Do you think that with your whole heart? Are you holding back on that thought a little bit? Like, I've been a gerbil a long time, but I'm sort of not really into this thinking that I've been a gerbil a long time. Huh? Is that a wholehearted thought, I've been a gerbil a long time? No, it's not. And that's the kind of gerbil you've been. And that's why you're a gerbil.

[54:57]

But if you would change your ways, and you accept the kind of gerbil you are, you'd still be that same kind of gerbil, but you'd be free of being a gerbil. You'd be a free gerbil. You'd be a gerbil Buddha. A Buddha gerbil. And you'd save all the other gerbils. You've got your job assignment. De-accept it. It looks like people are quieting down now. And there's no more questions. You have a question? Exactly. Oh, it's not a question?

[56:11]

What is it? I just wanted to confess that I feel some grasping happening. You feel some grasping? Yeah. Oh, it's a confession. That's more like it. I'm not surprised that you feel grasping. And I'm proud of you that you recognize you're feeling the grasping. Now, can I try to read your mind? You're grasping at me stopping to talk, stop talking? Is that what you're grasping for? Do you want me to end this event? How would you put it? Well... Are you going to reach for something else to help you? I have a schedule. You have a schedule. You have a schedule, yes. And I'm kind of interested in staying close to the Fed. What does the Fed schedule say?

[57:13]

I'll tell you. She wants to stay close to the schedule. The schedule says 11.15, put away chair. LAUGHTER [...] Oh, he missed that one. Do you want to try for 11.20, put away the chairs? Huh?

[58:14]

That'll do? How about 11.30? It'll all do, right? She just wanted to make a confession, that's all. She wasn't trying to control anything, right? She was just saying, give me a break. Give me a schedule. Let me make a confession. Do you want to say something else? What? That was enough fun for her. So, can you sing a song?

[59:24]

Because this song's called The Middle Way. When somebody loves you It's no good unless they love you All the way Happy to be near you When you need someone to cheer you Come what may Taller than the tallest tree is, that's how it's got to be. Deeper than the deep blue ocean sea, that's how deep it goes if it's real. When somebody needs you, it's no good unless they need you. All the way through the good and lean years and for all the in-between years, come what may, who knows where the road will lead us.

[60:34]

Only a fool will say, but if you let me love you, it's for sure I'm gonna love you all the way. Hey Vernon, how was that? They are intention.

[61:11]

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