I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words. So let's see, can you hear me if I talk like this? Is that working okay? A little louder? All right. How about if I, is this working okay now? I can hear something coming back. Can you hear all right? Can you hear over there now? All right. Well, I hope that this class is as much fun as the fireworks for you. In thinking about this class called Buddhist psychology, a thought crossed my mind. What's the difference between Buddhist psychology and non-Buddhist psychology?

[01:01]

And just a second ago, I thought of a difference. And one was that usually before psychology classes, at least in the West, people don't do prostrations to the founder of the psychology school. So to my right, above me, is our founder of the school of psychology. His name is Shakyamuni Buddha. I don't know what he was, but when he taught, he taught in terms of psychology. Kind of the focus of his teaching was philosophy and psychology. And his basic philosophical statement was that there is suffering. He did not say life is suffering.

[02:04]

He said there is suffering. It's a truth that there's suffering and that there is suffering arises. There is a truth of an arising of suffering. The fact that our suffering arises entails that it ceases. Also that it arises entails that it has conditions. So there is a truth that it arises upon conditions and that it ceases. And there is a path by which the ceasing of this suffering can be realized. This is a philosophical statement and there's a psychological element in that philosophical statement. The psychological element has to do with the conditions for the arising of suffering. And the conditions for the arising of suffering is not understanding the nature of self, and not understanding the nature of self, we become subject to, we become possessed by craving, which then leads to all kinds of

[03:34]

bondage and misery. I can't really typify all of non-Buddhist psychology, but I remember when I first took my first course in psychology in college, I seem to remember that in the textbook for the class it said something like, I can only remember a part of it, psychology is the study of something. And the point of it was, the partly, I think one of them was to understand, but another member of the other ones were to control and predict behavior. Buddhist psychology I don't think is about controlling or predicting. The Buddha can prophesy But the Buddha can't predict.

[04:37]

No one can predict anything, actually. But the Buddha can prophesy. Buddhist psychology is not about controlling or prediction. It's about liberation. It's about how to liberate beings from suffering and not only to liberate them from suffering but to enable them to help others to become free of suffering, which means to be liberated from suffering and also to experience extreme, extreme and unlimited happiness. But it's not about control. It's actually about becoming free of issues of control. As part of this project of becoming free and happy, we need to understand the self.

[05:55]

So to study the path of liberation from suffering for all beings entails studying of the self until we understand what it is, how it is, Now, I think that the blackboard is hard to position in such a way that everybody can see it. Now... Can you see that? Can you see this? Huh? No? What? Too much light. Can you see it over here? You can? Okay. Now, what happens if I... tilt it this way a little bit. What happens if we put it over in the corner? Can you set it so that the... Yeah, can it fit like that?

[07:10]

Now, the people here, if you turn your head, you can see the blackboard, right? So can you see over there now? Better? Somewhat? Okay. Okay. Okay, so can you see it's a circle? All right. That's a circle, and I guess I would say that there's a circle, and inside that circle is what I would just, I would just say that's life. Life, okay, is a circle of life. The nature of this circle, this is a circle of life, this is a circle symbolizing a living creature. The nature of this living creature is BN. You know what BN stands for?

[08:18]

Buddha nature. The Buddha's teaching is that all living beings, human and non-human, their nature is Buddha nature. Okay? Something that Buddha saw, made him very happy to see it. When the Buddha woke up, it wasn't that the Buddha woke up that he was Buddha. That wasn't what made him so happy. He didn't wake up and say, wow, I'm Buddha. He woke up and said, wow, everybody's fully possesses the Buddha nature. All living beings fully possess the Buddha nature. That's what made him so happy. He got included in that, but it was that everyone was that way that made him so happy. So, living being, nature and living being is Buddha nature. Now if this living being is a human, and a normal human, past a certain age, in some relationship to this living being, somewhere around, kind of like, you might say, maybe a circle around it, maybe a circle around

[09:44]

around the living being, or it might be almost the same boundary as the living being, but there's a circle that forms around the living being. The living being feels there's a circle around her, a kind of representation of her, like like the circle of your body or the shape of your body or your skin or something, something, some kind of limited image or representation of your life can appear to your mind and that can kind of like be what you think you are. So there gets to be around the human being, around the living being, if it's a human, this idea of self, as something which is actually separate from the rest of the world or even separate from the person's life forms. So this kind of self thing happens around, around the living being.

[10:52]

Around, sort of around all the experiences of the living being. And this self, which is felt to be separate from other, becomes the condition, the sense of self, which is seen as separate from the other, this sense of self becomes the condition for an experience of So one basic definition for pain is to grasp, technical definition is to grasp the five aggregates of experience, to grasp them.

[12:15]

to grasp them by some kind of concept, or to make them into a concept which you can grasp, to make them into, for example... And then, for example, that thing which you make the field of experience into, you could call, and often is called, yourself. You grasp the field of your life that gives rise to self. Also, if the self is seen as different from and separate from the other, you also feel pain because of that separation. The pain of grasping your life system as a fixed thing is a pain of constriction and, in a sense, choking. which is anxiety. The pain of feeling yourself as separate and surrounded by others is also a kind of constriction, which is anxiety. So all around this living field, the nature of which is Buddha, is this surface, this rigid surface which gives rise to pain.

[13:32]

Not only does it give rise to pain, but it obscures understanding the enlightened nature of the living being. Not only does it give rise to pain, but also in association with this self, partly to avoid pain and promote pleasure, arise all kinds of emotional phenomena like greed, hate, and delusion. Also, because of having difficulty in staying present with this pain, we project it into the future and feel fear. Feeling fear, we aren't even able to stay present with the experience of the pain which arises from the self-clinging which surrounds our Buddha nature, and then we space out even further into further realms of misery and alienation, even from our painful self. So we get way out there in orbit, even out beyond the self.

[14:41]

Because at least if you're present with your sense of self, you're feeling something. And you're feeling something which is connected to the sense of self. And the sense of self is what's blocking you from the vision of your Buddha nature. So you're close to being able to do your work if you can stand to be present with your pain, which is connected to your... which arises in conjunction with your limited sense of self. This is a better place for the chalkboard also because although Tara temporarily allowed me to put the chalkboard in front of her, she's happier this way it looks. Okay, so now before I launch into the ocean of Buddhist psychology, I want to give you some practical psychological homework, okay?

[16:00]

which will be quite simple but extremely difficult and painful. Anybody who doesn't have a self, see me after class. Anybody with a self, as far as I know, I never met anybody who has a self who doesn't suffer. who isn't in pain. So the homework assignment is to feel. Feel what's happening with you. Feel your pain. Feel your pleasure. But even when you have a pleasureful feeling, I propose to you that if you stay still and quiet, you'll notice that even when you're in pleasure, you're anxious, and there's pain even when you're in pleasure.

[17:08]

For example, when you're in pleasure, you're afraid it's going to end, or you're afraid somebody's going to get jealous of you, or you're afraid you don't deserve it. Or you're anxious you're going to get busted for whatever you're doing. And so on. Even in pleasure, we're afraid and anxious and in pain. Of course, when we're in pain, we're afraid it's going to last. Or that it's going to get worse. Or that we're going to get busted for what we did when we got into the pain. Because we're selves, I propose we're in pain. So the homework assignment is feel it. Starting now. But I don't say just feel it without any help. I say feel it and please feel it and practice patience.

[18:17]

Please practice patience. We can't feel the pain fully without the great practice of patience. Our pain is too great to fully feel without developing a skill called patience. So the first part of the Zoma assignment is feel and feel pain and pleasure and feel neutral sensation whenever it happens, but also feel and open up to basic existential non-stop anxiety and practice patience in order to be able to feel that, feel that. And patience means

[19:24]

Make yourself as comfortable as possible under the circumstances of what's happening. Patience doesn't mean to tense up, grit your teeth and get through the pain. It means actually to situate yourself in the most present and centrally located part of the pain and actually sit upright and relax as much as possible and be gentle and kind to yourself. Be as kind and gentle with yourself as you can under the circumstances of pain. When you practice patience well, you can sit calmly in the middle of your pain. And if you can sit calmly in the middle of your pain, your reward will be that you'll open to more pain.

[20:36]

And if you can sit calmly in the middle of the pain, which you open up to, your reward will be that your heart will open to more pain and again on and on until your heart completely opens to the full scale pain of being a limited or being a person who thinks she's limited we do think that there are consequences of that we must accept the consequences of that in order to see What is the conditions for that consequence? If we can see the conditions, we can become free. I will discuss with you in this class, I will try to bring forth awareness of the conditions. But in order for this to be optimally useful, it's good if you have actual experience that you're working with to apply this to.

[21:46]

to apply this articulation and examination of the conditions which you're experiencing. So that's your homework, is to feel and practice patience with what you feel. Of course, you practice patience with pain. You don't have to practice patience with pleasure. You can't really practice patience with pleasure. However, you can practice pain with the fear and anxiety you feel while you're having a pleasant experience. If you do your homework, then this class will not get too abstract, philosophical, and intellectual. Or it might get that way, but you can keep bringing it down to your experience.

[22:49]

So one more step in your homework. Patience, feeling, patience, and presence. So again, practice patience with your feelings. And the key ingredient in practicing patience is to be present. And in a sense the key ingredient of being present is not moving. So all these things go together. Feeling, patience with the feeling, presence and not moving. There is, I propose to you, there is presence,

[24:08]

in the person but there's no persons in presence. There is non-moving, there is within every person there is not moving but there's no person in not moving. There's not moving in the person but no person in the not moving. This practice of patience and this presence not only grounds you, but basically sets you up right away to realize selflessness. So this is a simple practice, but very difficult. Very difficult. Okay? Any questions about this, what I've said so far? Yes? The first teaching, you said, I don't understand it, but it just... Since what she said, it was a part of me.

[25:11]

I mean, I think it's often interpreted as saying something like, all life is suffering, that everything is suffering. And that couldn't be true. That's sort of logical. You know, that's a . Well, he certainly didn't say that. But he did say something that leads people to interpret it. In other words, he said something more than just there is suffering, which is sort of made somewhere in the world for one person, suffering. I don't even know if he said there is suffering. Because to say there is suffering, then he's saying there is rather than there isn't. I think what he said was the first truth is the truth of suffering. The first truth is not there is suffering. If I said that, it's kind of a misrepresentation. The first truth is the truth of suffering, not saying that there is suffering. Now, to say that there is suffering doesn't mean that there is suffering in the opposite way, but there isn't suffering. But anyway, he didn't just say that. He went on to say that suffering has conditions.

[26:12]

Under these conditions, there's suffering. Under the conditions of craving, there's suffering. But if you just feel what's happening to you completely, there will be no craving. And then, even in pain, when you're feeling a painful sensation like somebody biting you on the cheek or punching you in the nose or being cold or being insulted, even in those painful situations, if you just completely feel the pain, there's no suffering of the type he was referring to. The type of suffering that Buddha... said the truth spoke of the truth of you could say is two kinds one kind is temporary temporary suffering suffering which is due to temporary conditions like for example suffering due to physical pain due to an illness or cold or heat or being punched or injured when those conditions are taken away also

[27:13]

but that pain goes away. But there's another kind of suffering which is basically eternal, but can be ended. That's the suffering which is due to self-clinging and craving. That's the kind of suffering which can be ended. The other kind ends only when it can... Well, they both can be ended when the conditions change. The conditions for one, however, are basically non-stop suffering. in the human being. In the human being there's a continuous sense of individual identity and individual importance and individual concern for the self. That's a nonstop concern, therefore there's a nonstop suffering, and that concern can go on basically forever, and therefore that suffering can go on forever. When that condition is taken away, that suffering drops away. Same as with the other things which come temporarily once in a while. So when the conditions for anything are not there, the thing doesn't happen. He said those things too.

[28:16]

And in particular, like I say, the main cause of suffering is this grasping of your experience into a thing, into an independent thing. Anything else? Yes? Is it more difficult to feel Did you say, is it more difficult to be present with the pain when you're moving? Not necessarily, no. She said, is it more difficult to be present with pain when you're moving? Not necessarily. For a lot of people, they move around... rather quickly and because they're moving they don't notice that they're in pain and they don't notice that they're angry and things like that when they stop and sit still or slow down anyway then oftentimes they will notice that they're really angry or really in pain however some people when they feel pain if they try to sit they feel the pain so much

[29:28]

that they can't stand it because they don't have enough patience to feel the pain. In those cases, sometimes it helps to do walking meditation. But the walking, the movement, is not a movement which is rushing ahead to avoid the pain in this case. It is a meditative walking wherein you're trying to synchronize your bodily movements and your awareness, and then you can maybe stay with your pain more fully than you could when you were running around or when you sat still. Once you can settle into your pain by walking or settle into your rage by walking, once you feel settled in that, then sometimes you can stop walking and then sit down and stay with it then. So the movement is not necessarily, you know, movement in the sense of walking meditation or dancing meditation is not necessarily ill-advised so you have to think about what it is that what kind of presence helps you be present with your feeling for most people who are not very well aware of their pain and can't find much pain we have this nice method to show them pain which is just sit still and anybody who sits still will become aware of their pain if they sit long enough they will become aware of their uncomfortable feelings

[30:52]

At that time, if you can stay with it, fine. If not, if it comes on too strong, then sometimes getting up and moving with it will help you stay with it, and then you can come back to the sitting. So, is that simple? What I said? But difficult, very difficult, very difficult. All right, is this class... Was there some mention of Abhidharma in this class? Did you hear something about that? Were you expecting something about Abhidharma? No? Not necessarily? What did it say in the announcement? It didn't use the word Abhidharma. Okay, so I don't have to talk about that. But I will. So let's see, what should I talk about next here? Hmm, I think, okay, I'll go this way.

[31:57]

You know, our ancestor Dogen Zenji said, to study the Buddha way is to study the self. To learn the Buddha way is to learn the self. To learn about the Buddha way is to learn about the self. To model yourself on the Buddha way is to model yourself on yourself. Now, if you're a selfish person, like me, that would mean that we'd be saying to model yourself on the Buddha way would be to model yourself on a selfish person. If you model yourself on a selfish person, if you model yourself on your own selfish person, that would be the Buddha way, not in the sense of being selfish is the Buddha way, but the modeling yourself on your selfish self is the Buddha way.

[33:12]

Because if you model yourself completely on your selfish self, you will... become liberated from that selfishness. It is unselfish to model yourself on your selfishness. Most people are just selfish. They don't turn around and admit it and completely take responsibility for it. Therefore, they're possessed by selfishness. But if you turn around and completely study how you're selfish, you will become free of being selfish and be able to understand the Buddha way. The assignment I gave you is an example of that. If you feel your pain, that's the key to start settling into yourself. Yes? Yes? Well, model in the sense of, sometimes we say, settle the self on the self.

[34:16]

Settle your awareness, your attention? No. I mean, your awareness will be there. You say your awareness, so the your, your awareness is kind of like your, what do you call it, what do they call it, air control center at the airport, what do they call that? Huh? Traffic control. Your awareness is like your traffic control by which you guide yourself onto yourself. You have a sense of yourself? What do you do with that sense of self? Do you try to get rid of it or promote it? No. Just take yourself and put it right on top of the self. Your self on top of your self, what is that? That's just presence. That's just not moving. That's just like you'll just be feeling. But, you know, I just said presence here, but an additional instruction is settle the self on the self. Model the self on itself. In other words, take responsibility for whatever way you see yourself.

[35:29]

Completely... Bring yourself back and put it right on top of yourself and don't be ahead of yourself or behind yourself. Don't be involved in, I mean, if you are in, if yourself is involved in getting something for itself, if that's the activity of the self, then take responsibility for what you're trying to get for yourself and be completely abreast of yourself trying to get us something for itself. Here I am being selfish about such and such. I'm right here being just exactly that selfish. I'm not elaborating or exaggerating my selfishness. I'm not underestimating it. I'm just settling my selfishness on my selfishness. And you use awareness and mindfulness in order to make that alignment happen. Now, when you do that, if you do that, you will run into, of all things, lots of pain.

[36:32]

Because around this selfish self is pain. So in order to come in there and settle on yourself, you've got to also accept and open to what's happening. So that's why people have a little difficulty settling the self on the self, because there's all this anxiety around that pain. Which again, you have to have patience in order to settle the self on the self. But that patience practice is the primary cause of enlightenment. Primary condition. First of all, you have to be able to tolerate being this tight, selfish, little thing. which not only is it tight, selfish, little, petty, and so on, but you love it and think it's great and are protecting it as though it were like the greatest thing in the world. And you're embarrassed about that too.

[37:33]

Hang out with that. Exactly. And all the embarrassment, anxiety, and pain and fear that comes with that set up. That's called studying the Buddha way. It means get down into the mud to plant a lotus seed. But gently, gently, kindly, warmly, precisely do this work. Suzuki Roshi says, the only way to experience the big mind is through the small mind. The only way to experience the Zen mind is through the deluded mind.

[38:36]

The only way to experience the enlightened mind is through the deluded mind. The only way to experience the big self is through the small self. Now, some of you might think, or I might think, well, it wouldn't be so bad to experience the Zen mind, the big mind. But actually, you know, if we could experience the big mind right now without going through experiencing the small mind, it would not be good for our health. It's just as hard to experience your full-scale big mind as it is to experience your little, small, limited, deluded mind. Anyway, it turns out that if you're willing to completely experience how deluded you are, and you're completely open to how deluded and how painful it is to be deluded, if you can completely open to that and stay present with it, not open and then freak out.

[39:46]

but open and settle down into it and just sit there like you were in a situation that you really could stay present with. It's not exactly like settling into a nice comfortable bath. It's like settling into a really hot bath, but as though you were in a comfortable bath. Did they burn St. Paul in oil? Is that how he went? Anyway, when I was a kid, I saw some guy on TV who was burning an oil. Some Christian was burning an oil. And I always thought, how would I do in the oil? Now, right now, most of us would have a hard time just jumping straight in to full, you know, oil, real hot oil right now. But if you practice patience, you can gradually work your way up to it.

[40:49]

And if you can stay present with the pain of being an individual person, that is the door to the bliss of enlightenment. Again, that's the homework assignment. By experiencing the pain of the small self, we can experience the bliss and peace of the big self. And it isn't that we try to get rid of our small self. I mean, we do try to get rid of it, but the path of enlightenment is not to try to get rid of the small self. It is the exhaustive study of the small self and the great awakening as to the nature of the small self. That is enlightenment. So Buddhist psychology is about helping us understand the self. Yes? Questions? So did you say you have some resistance to something and you'd like a little break from something?

[42:27]

Is that what you said? You have some resistance to feeling your pain, you'd like a little pleasure? You have some resistance to overindulging in it? Is that what you said? Yeah. You're afraid to take this homework assignment as a case of massive self-improvement? Is that what you said? Okay. So that's one of the dangers of life, the massive self-improvement program. Okay? So anything beneficial that someone might mention, like this homework assignment, which is virtually going to get you enlightened in a few days... When you hear that, it perks, you know, it stimulates your massive self-improvement program, right?

[43:30]

So here we have a wise person who, it didn't really quite get her, but she thought she might slip into that if she started to do this, okay? And she does not want to get into that massive self-improvement program, do you? No, I don't want you to get into it either, okay? That's why I suggested presence. Presence means energy. You're not feeling with a little bit of side agenda of, if I feel this and practice patience, I'm going to get enlightened. That's not feeling. Feeling is just like feel. That's it. It's not overindulgence in the feeling. It's not underindulgence. It's just feel it. the pain might be coming from the results of past self-improvement programs that have been successful or unsuccessful. But there is a tendency always lurking that this is going to improve me.

[44:35]

That's a danger. So I think it's good if you can spot that danger in any kind of work, any kind of beneficial work can be converted into self-improvement. But self-improvement is not beneficial. It is the condition for our suffering. It is a condition for our cruelty. Presence is to give up self-improvement and also to give up self-deprecation. Now, when you're feeling your pain, And if you start tensing up or something or getting tired or whatever, or you're pushing too hard, you're not just feeling it, you're kind of like pushing yourself into it a little bit, then it's a good time to take a rest. Rest is part of the bodhisattva's work. But it's rest which you feel is going to help you do something good, not rest which is like taking you away from something good.

[45:39]

so that your concerns are well justified. You don't want to overindulge in the feeling. We have to learn now what it means just to feel something as purely and in as balanced a way as we can. Yes? Yes? Uh-huh. Well, can you understand that there's presence in a person? Okay. And presence can be in any person, right? And presence is the same in any person, right? That's the presence I'm talking about. I'm talking about the presence that's the same in you as it is in me.

[46:48]

It won't help to look at your notes. You just stay here with me. Look at me. As John Travolta says, look at me. Okay? The presence I'm talking about is the presence which is not different in you and me. It's just presence. It's not like there's like a Raynell type of presence and a Reb type of presence. The presence of Raynell is that Raynell's over there with Raynell. That's it. My presence is that I'm over here with me. That presence doesn't have any individual characteristics of your type and my type. Everybody's presence is the same. Everybody has, everybody has, everybody has presence. No matter what you do, presence is there.

[47:59]

That's what Buddha saw. Not life force, but the presence of life force. You have life force, some kind of life force, just the way it's there is the presence. Those little lights up there have a presence. A big 150-watt bulb has a presence. They have the same presence. The light of a 150-watt bulb for these little bulbs, that doesn't work. The presence of a 150-watt bulb, the presence of right now, the presence of me, the same presence. It's in all of us. Everybody has it. But there's no person in the present. There's no, like, personal identity in all the different presences. They're not different presences. They're just presence. There's no person in presence. Also, same, in every one of you, right now, there's a stillness.

[49:01]

There's a stillness in each person. Buddha sees that. Buddha sees presence and stillness in every person, in every plant, in every animal. In the present, everybody has presence and stillness. It's the same all over the universe. Every star has presence. Every star has an unmoving, unshakable presence. But there's no stars in presence. There's no people in presence. There's no mountains in presence. But the mountains being the mountains and the men being the men and the women being the women, that is presence. Look at me. Okay? Look at me. This is our presence. And there's no person here.

[50:05]

But if you do that very long, there's going to be pain, so watch out. And when it comes, practice patience so you can stay there in the presence of the moment. This takes all of your energy. Your presence is not the presence of part of you. It's the presence of all of you. That's why the presence is in you. But you're not in the presence. Okay, so now I want to say... Let's see. I don't know if I should talk about Abhidharma tonight. Maybe I won't. I'll say this. Part of the psychological study is...

[51:14]

to, again, first of all, feel, for starters. Feel. Well, first of all, feel your body. Be aware of your body. Come and be present with your body, sitting on the earth, standing on the earth. Then feel. Feel. And from there, as you start to feel, in that circle I drew there, you may start to notice that there's a variety of experiences arising in that field which has feeling. Every moment we have a feeling. We always have a feeling. But we have many other things happening to us too, like, for example, various emotions, various conceptions. Various impulses, various opinions are happening simultaneously with our physical presence and our feeling.

[52:24]

What do you mean, what's the difference between being Feeling, the way I'm using the word feeling, feeling is, it's an evaluation. And it comes in three varieties. Pain, pleasure, and can't tell which. Okay. Okay. Emotion is, for example, emotion is some impulse or response to, for example, pain. So trying to push pain away is the basic paradigm of anger and hatred and aversion.

[53:29]

Pushing pain away. Or pushing away something that threatens pleasure. Holding onto something pleasant is the basic gesture of greed and attachment. Being confused about which one to do is confusion. Or having a feeling that you're not sure whether you want to hold onto or let go of might lead you to be confused. The greed, hate, and delusion are more like emotions. But there's a wide variety of emotions. which I can discuss with you. Anyway, in any particular moment of life, if you stay present and you can tune in through body and feeling, if you can tune in and be present with that, you'll notice a lot of other things too. Like, for example, anger, anxiety, fear, attachment, delusion,

[54:37]

laziness, or faith, concentration, distraction, dishonesty, shame, lack of shame, on and on. And I have for you a list of 75 elements of experience. Where's that list? Maybe you can just put that out on the table after class. There's a list of 75 elements of experience of one of the schools of Buddhist psychology called the Srivastava school. I'm not recommending you study that right now, but anyway, there's lots of elements of experience in the circle of a living being. I'm not suggesting to you that you analyze your experience into these elements.

[55:39]

But in fact, if you're just present with something simple like body and feeling, these more subtle phenomena, which sometimes aren't so subtle, will start to come before you and show you what they are. And sometimes it helps to discuss what these are beforehand so that you know, what do you call it, the names of the players. Sometimes it helps. Like in watching sporting events, some people walk into a sporting event and they look out there Like, you know, my wife sometimes looks at a TV game, a TV show or the football game, she can't see anything. There's some movement out there, you know. But when you learn the names of the two teams, you learn the names of the players, you learn the names of some of the other elements in the field, suddenly it seems to be you can see things happening that you couldn't see happen before maybe.

[56:45]

Also, you maybe can't see things that you could see before. But anyway, if you stay present with something simple like this, other things will start to become clear. It's like this. Something's happening. Let's say something's happening. Maybe something's happening. Something's happening. In a sense, like before your eyes, something's happening. If you don't study it, it obscures your vision. Like if you put a screen up in front of your face, at first it obscures your vision, but if you just sit there and look at it for a while, you can start to see through it. If you're not aware of your body, then your body, in a sense, becomes something you trip over and gets in your way.

[57:46]

If you're not aware of your feelings, then when you look at things, you can't tell very clearly what you're seeing because your feelings are in the way. If you have a feeling of pain and you look at somebody, you can't really see them very well because your pain, your feeling of pain which you're not aware of, blocks your vision. But if you notice your feeling of pain when you look at somebody, you can see through the feeling to the person. But if you don't notice it, it obscures you. So first of all, if you don't notice your body, then your lack of awareness of your body will obscure your experience of your feelings. If you don't notice your feelings, your awareness of feelings will block the more subtle psychological phenomena. If you don't notice them, you don't notice the next layer of psychological phenomena. If you don't notice them, you don't notice Buddha nature, the most subtle of all and the most wonderful of all.

[58:54]

So turn it around the other way. If you're aware of your body, your body no longer obstructs your vision and you can see your feelings. If you're aware of your feeling, your feelings no longer obstruct your vision and you can see your emotions. If you're aware of your emotions, they don't obstruct your feeling and you can notice your self-concepts. If you can notice your self-concepts, they no longer obstruct you and you can see the nature of yourself. If you can see the nature of yourself, it doesn't obstruct you and you can see the Buddha nature. So by studying the different layers of subtlety of psychological phenomena, you move through them. not studying them, they become layer upon layer of obstruction to your blissful, radiant, not taking yourself seriously nature. But you can't not take yourself seriously if you don't see yourself.

[59:56]

because since we don't see ourselves clearly we do take ourselves seriously because what we think we are is this thing which really should be taken seriously i mean it's seriously wonderful or seriously terrible or seriously this or seriously that or really this that's we think that because we don't actually look at it but you can't just look at it you know get a free vision of yourself necessarily once in a while you get a kind of a little gift shot on it, but usually then you try to punish somebody for that. But if you work your way down to it through your feelings and through your emotions, then when it gets revealed, you've already done a lot of hard work, and this revelation is not such a big shock. I just want to say one more thing, and that is that I mean, one more thing before I answer your question. Thoreau said, all you have to do in Walden, Thoreau said, all you have to do is sit in an attractive spot in the forest long enough for all the inhabitants to exhibit themselves to you in turn.

[61:20]

So all these things, all these different layers will come and exhibit themselves. And then when they come, you just stay present and continue to feel what you're feeling. They'll come and they'll exhibit themselves. You don't have to go looking for them. They'll show themselves to you. And then if you can stay present with them, the next layer will come. And the next layer will come. So Once they start showing themselves to you, that's the first thing. They start showing themselves to you. The next thing that happens, this is sort of the analysis happens, but it isn't by you doing the analysis, because if you do the analysis or I do the analysis, we will always select what to analyze, and it will not be a trustworthy selection. It won't be a selection of the total field of our experience. We'll select some little section of our being. But if you stay present with what's happening, there won't be a selection.

[62:26]

You'll get everything exhibited to you just at the right time. Once you start seeing the elements of the analysis, which you don't do willfully, but which is given to you because, as a gift, for being present, you have the elements of the analysis. Then if you sit there and stay present with the revealed analysis, you'll start to gradually notice the relationship among the elements. You'll start to notice the relationship between anger and attachment and lust and confusion and various beliefs and laziness and faith and effort and all these different elements you'll start to see the relationship. And when you start to see the relationship You'll see how they mutually curate each other. In other words, you'll see the dependent core arising of the phenomena. And as you see the dependent core arising of the phenomena, you realize that phenomena lack inherent existence.

[63:30]

And you'll see the Dharma. When you see the Dharma, you're done with this life's work. Your heart will be at peace. And that's it. Buddhist psychology has finally been successful in your case. So analysis, relationship, interdependence, emptiness, and liberation. That's the process. Yes? I just wanted to say that it's very helpful to hear you explain this layer theory, because what's happening Right. So when you're having a feeling, you're supposed to just have the feeling, not, okay, I have a feeling, now where is the light? Okay, let's have the light now.

[64:44]

I did my job. Let's see the light. Come on. No. You may have to sit in the feeling of darkness for a long time before you realize that the darkness is actually light. Okay, it's now... What? Well, you see the elements of analysis through spontaneous analysis which is given to you by being present with what's happening to you at whatever level you're aware. It starts to break down into elements. You start to see relationships between things. When you see the relationship, you see how they mutually create each other. You see dependent co-arising. When you see dependent co-arising, you realize that nothing inherently exists by itself. You see that things are empty. And in that you see the Dharma. Then you see the Dharma in everything because everything you see, every element you see, every pain, every pleasure, every emotion, everything you see then you no longer see it by itself, you see it in relationship.

[65:51]

Therefore everything is a Dharma door to you, a gate to see Dharma, a gate to see Buddha. And this study, the field that I'm talking about here is a field of psychological phenomena. The core of the pain in this field is self-confusion, self-ignorance, and lack of understanding of the self in the middle of this field of elements. So wisdom in Buddhist psychology is a discernment of all these different elements and how they interrelate. But to get a seat in this theater of psychological experience, we have to pay the price of feeling our pain. You can't get into the actual playing field, into the actual drama of your life, if you're unwilling to feel the pain of it.

[67:00]

Sorry. That's the price of admission. You don't have to feel all of it immediately. You can work up to fully experiencing how painful it is. Little by little, you get to set the pace. Now, if you're worried that you're going too slowly or being too easy on yourself, I'm one of the people on the planet who's willing to hear you explain about your program And I may say, no, I think you're going just at the right speed. Or I might say, yeah, you're kind of going a little easy on yourself there. The main way that people go easy on themselves is by, you know, not expressing themselves. So I encourage you to express yourself because

[68:07]

that will bring upon just the right amount. Okay, now I could either present more material or I could again open up for the last little bit here to some Comments, questions, or demonstrations? Demonstrations of delusion or enlightenment? Pain? Pleasure? Yes? In pain, do you make a distinction between physical pain and emotional, psychological, spiritual pain? I did make a distinction between so-called physical pain, which again goes away when physical situations change, and emotional pain, which is primarily due to self-clinging.

[69:20]

Yes. Sitting with the physical pain. Yeah, that's the nice thing about Zen. Zen is that Zen, you get to sit down with physical pain. And it's a kind of a warm-up to psychological pain. If you can sit with your physical pain... which you have some control over because, you know, the period ends and it ends, you know. If you can sit with your physical pain, that warms you up to opening up to your anxiety. So at the beginning of a session with Zen students, you know, they have maybe, I don't know what, some percentage of their capacity for physical pain has been realized. Like on the first day, let's say the person's feeling, you know, 10% of their physical pain. Okay?

[70:21]

This is a new watch. I don't know how to turn it off. That's how to turn it off. So, you know, they're feeling, they're open to about 10% of their physical pain range, and that's fine, and as long as it's under that level, they feel pretty good. And then if it goes up to 15%, they say, hey, wait a minute. But anyway, it goes up to 15%, and they say, wait a minute, and then finally they say, okay, fine. And it goes up to whatever, 20%. And they say, wait a minute. And then after a couple more days, a couple more hours, they say, okay. So at the beginning of a session, you know, if a person's sitting sometimes and I would touch their back, you know, they're sitting there, if I touch their back, sometimes the message I get from them is, I've got enough problems. You know? It's like, you know, I'm at the maximum of pain that I'm going to deal with right now.

[71:27]

I don't need to deal with, like, you know, your input on my posture. I don't need you to put me in a posture where I might feel more pain. Forget it. So it's a kind of little turtle back, right? Knock, knock. So anyway, so I just, you know, keep moving. But then, you know, the person sits with that, whatever that pain level is, that level that they sort of like to, that's it, right? This is it. That's enough. But then things happen and they make new arrangements with themselves. And they just say, well, it seems to be more than that. So maybe I should adjust to what's happening. Are you following this? In other words, the pain increases and the person sort of says, well, it's more than I said I was up for a few minutes ago, but actually it's happening, so might as well. It doesn't seem to help to resist it, so maybe I'll just accept this pain.

[72:28]

Right, right. So then after a couple of days, the person has opened up maybe somewhat to pain. Not only do they open up to more pain, but they've sort of gotten with the program of... Actually, opening seems to be helpful, actually. This resisting, it doesn't really... It actually is something which I keep finding is good to give up. The pain isn't good, exactly, but the fighting it is definitely bad, and resisting it is really bad, but the opening to it actually seems to make things go more smoothly, whatever the level of pain. So then after a few days, I come and touch that same person, you know, who's maybe in more pain now and been through a lot of trouble, it's like touching tenderized meat. You know, they say, okay, I'll try it. Sure, okay, all right, yeah, okay. You know, not necessarily I'm going to stay this way forever, but I'll give it a try. the you know so the pain physical pain helps us like not just experience physical pain but open to the and experience the reality that resistance to what's happening to us is like exactly the cause of the problem in the first place of this self thing self clinging is resistance to what's happening what's happening is that self clinging is not really

[73:56]

It doesn't make any sense. We're clinging to something which doesn't actually exist. This thing we're clinging to doesn't actually exist. We do exist, but not as fixed selves. So this clinging, a rendition of this clinging is trying to control what's happening and set limits on what kind of experiences we're going to have. So physical pain and sitting is a way to sort of get in there. It's a simple version. so that's why it's helpful. Yes? Getting sleepy? That's hard for you? Uh-huh. Can I say something about sleepy, getting sleepy? Well, the first thing I would suggest is feel the sleepiness and feel the, I guess, maybe anxiety you feel about the sleepiness.

[75:07]

Feel it. And try to be patient with it. And then maybe try to stay there and not run away from the feeling of sleepiness. This is your own particular... thing that you have a hard time with. Some other people just go to sleep. But sincere newer students, they have trouble with sleep. And some of them face it and practice patience with it, and others learn how to just completely go to sleep. And that's another way to escape it. So going to sleep, you'll escape the torment of sleepiness. And leaving the zendo, you'll escape the torment of sleepiness. But to stay present with that torment, torment of sleepiness, it's a torture. It's anxiety. You feel anxiety about it. To stay present with that is very good.

[76:09]

To try to get rid of the sleepiness by certain methods, that's fine to do. Get more sleep at night, rest a little bit before you sit, all that's fine. But still, the main thing I'm suggesting is not manipulations, because that's up to all of you to make your manipulations about your states. But still, no matter how many manipulations you make, still you're going to wind up in a situation where it's going to be like this. What I'm recommending is Be patient and feel what it's like to be sleepy and be present there. That's what I would recommend. Only when you're sleepy, though. When you're not sleepy, be present with whatever it is, but be present. That's what I would suggest. This is a great opportunity for you to actually enter into real meditations. But again, I'm not criticizing trying to, you know, be more awake when you're sitting.

[77:11]

That's good. And that's why we say, please try to keep your eyes open. That's good. But the real practice is dealing with what's happening. And you've already got some real thing to deal with. It's a real, a real thing to deal with that really does give you a chance to practice patience and develop presence. You're very lucky. I hope you stay awake. Yes? Sometimes when I'm trying to be really open to my pain, I feel immobilized by it. I just feel like I'm just sitting there really feeling it, but I just feel a little helpless. Well, part of feeling it and being patient with it. Being patient means that you get to a place in it where it doesn't, what do you call it, it doesn't dominate you. It doesn't push you around. If it's still pushing you around, you haven't found your patient place in the middle of it.

[78:14]

There's a cool spot in the middle of the flames. But when you're looking for that cool spot, sometimes when you haven't found it yet it pushes you around and you are vulnerable and helpless in it because it's fierce powerful pain can push you all over the place but there's a place in the middle of it where you can sit in peace it doesn't the pain is still all around you and you still feel it but you found the center of it and it is very much in the present and when you find that place you can test it by leaning a little bit into the future Think about you're dealing with it moment by moment. And then if you think, what was it? Then think about it lasting for like two minutes. And if it flares up, that shows you that you're probably in the present. Then move back to the present of dealing with it moment by moment. If you deal with it moment by moment, it can't push you around.

[79:15]

You cannot get pushed around in the present. The real present is unmoving, unmanipulatable. You're vulnerable to everything, and nothing can push you or shove you, and you can't push or shove anything else. But it's hard to find that place when you're in the middle of a forest fire. But if you just keep thinking, look for where is the present. And the present is something to do with a very short period of time. So if you're dealing with seconds, or minutes, you're not in the present. If you're dealing with whole exhales and whole inhales, you're not in the present. The present, there's many, many moments of present in one exhale. If you're in those little tiny moments, the pain can't get up any momentum on you. It's real close to you.

[80:17]

And you can deal with it up close. It won't overwhelm you if you're in a very small moment of it. And there's flames all around you. All the Buddhas are in there with you in the midst of those flames. That's where they live. They live in the middle of the pain of the whole world. They're sitting there. But it's hard to find it. You have to get quite a few burns to find it. But staying outside of it is even, you know, is nowhere. It's just, you know, unreal, unreal practice. Okay, well, that's it. And so there's many books there. I don't recommend reading any of them, but, you know, you can read them. But if you want to, I'll deal with you.

[81:20]

May our intention...

[81:29]

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