Our life, our living, and complete, perfect enlightenment are exactly the same thing, are one thing. or another way to say it is our breath every effort we make in life and the certainty

[01:09]

or the verification of this life as perfect freedom. The living and the verification of certification or proof of this life as complete perfect freedom. Those two are really one thing. However, if we bring a sense of self to our experience, then those two are not one anymore. Then our life is uncertainty.

[02:17]

and bondage and misery and enlightenment and freedom and certainty are none of them. So the basic problem for us living beings is this habit of carrying a self to our experience, or holding on to a self-cleaning, self-cherishing, self-concern. So this week I would like to basically talk about ways, indicate ways of how to protect ourselves from this habit of carrying yourself to our experience.

[03:38]

to look at antidotes to this very strongly established tendency to hold on to the self to look at ways to become free of the self become free of clinging to the self. Recently I was talking with someone who actually has some real interest in living, who sees quite frequently ways where she can express her life energy

[05:19]

in certain creative dimensions and in certain helpful ways and so she does certain things with this intention however she notices in the process that her activity becomes this following through on activity which was originally created comes compulsive and at the root of this compulsiveness is insecurity And I would say then, at the root of this insecurity is this burden of a self.

[06:30]

If you conduct your living while carrying the burden of a self, you're very likely to feel insecure and afraid. If you're conscious of this insecurity and this fear, you're in pretty good shape. But even if you are conscious of it, you still may find that what you do in the midst of that insecurity and that fear, what you do is really, even though it might seem wholesome, it's actually compulsive. But certainly if you don't notice that you're insecure and notice that you're afraid, then the things you do are even more compulsive.

[07:39]

It's kind of like I noticed some time ago, quite a few years ago, that sometimes I would be talking to someone and I felt uncomfortable and wanted to get away from them. And at a certain point I noticed that really I wanted to go to the toilet. But not noticing that I wanted to go to the toilet, I just wanted to get away from them and I didn't know why. Once I find out that the reason why I want to get away from them is because I want to go to the toilet, I may have to go. I may have to say, please excuse me, I'm going to go now. Or I may be able to stay and talk to them, knowing that the reason why I want to leave is simply because I want to go to the toilet. But until I identify the reason for my nervousness and my impatience and my lack of interest, I may feel doubly confused and distracted.

[09:04]

So in the case of going to the toilet, you can easily go and take care of that. And then you can come back and live your life. In the case of self-clinging, it's not so easy to just go take care of it. But it's the same kind of thing, that simply as long as you're holding that, you've got a problem. You've got to worry. It's hard for you to live your life. And if you don't know that you're clinging to the self, then it's hard for you to live your life too, but you don't even know why it's hard. So again, I propose to you in rather stark terms that all problems in life come from this one source habit.

[10:25]

And that overcoming or becoming free of this habit solves all problems. I will also say that this habit of holding onto or holding onto a self in the midst of your experience or bringing a self to, sort of importing a self to your experience, this habit exists very much in terms of words. It lives in the realm of words, of names. There is a part of our life, a big part of our life, in some sense a more innocent part of our life, which is not in the realm, which does not function in the realm of words.

[11:41]

It is a realm of direct experience. However, that realm is not a realm where we know things. That realm does not have the problem of self-cleaning, does not have the problem of words. Problems, the source of the misery, happens in the realm of words and the realm of knowing things. So very much the antidote or the solution to the problem of clinging comes to us through the way we use words, the way we hear them, the way we speak, the way we see them, and the way we smell them, and the way we taste them, and the way we touch them. Or another way to put it is that all those dimensions of seeing, hearing, smelling, touching and tasting, as they are knowable experiences, are really experiences of words.

[12:53]

And that it is the way we use words that sets us into bondage and misery, insecurity and compulsiveness. And there's another way of using words that releases us from that very wrong. One Zen teacher said, while carrying a self, or under the burden of a self, while carrying, you could say, one self, When we say oneself, oneself means one's self, right? One way to hear it is one's self, okay? The other way to hear it is one self. While carrying one's self, or while carrying one's self, while doing that, to practice

[14:09]

Buddhism or whatever to try to be good to try to be helpful to try to take care of yourself or take care of others to make an effort to have a decent life and help others to have a decent life okay while carrying oneself to try to do that and then to try to prove or certify or be sure about this That is delusion. What popped in my head just now is the Christian crusades. People tromping off to do the work of Christ by slaughtering people. try to do good in the world under the burden of a self, you will simply turn out to be destructive to yourself and others.

[15:27]

Cause damage. Because you're operating under delusion, the whole program is dominated by the burden of a self, by the importation of a self to your experience. Now, another way to say this is, yeah, so the accent is carrying oneself, to walk around carrying oneself, to take care of oneself. take care of one, only one self. You might think, well, how about if I carry two selves? Well, actually, that's a little bit better. But still, if you can carry two selves, still, if it's anything that you carry around with you, you're acting under a burden

[16:46]

Well, how about three selves? Well, in a way, it's still a little bit better, but still, if you carry three selves, well, how about an infinite number of selves? Well, that's actually okay. If you bring all selves, an infinite number of selves, if you've imported infinite number of selves to your experience moment by moment, that will be enlightened. As a matter of fact, if an infinite number of selves are not imported by you because you cannot import an infinite number of selves, you cannot carry all living beings to this moment. However, if all beings do come forth, if all things do come forth, not just all beings, not just all living beings, but all things, if they all are imported forth and come here right now,

[17:55]

and they practice and confirm oneself, that is enlightened. Notice how the language in these two cases is very close. It's a total reversal, but it's the same language, just turned upside down. So with my hand, maybe I can again show it, is that if there is a carrying of oneself to the experience, where you practice Buddhism and confirm all things and prove Buddhism through the carrying, while carrying yourself in the while carrying yourself forward onto all your experience, you practice and confirm.

[18:58]

That's delusion. But when all things come forward and they practice and confirm themselves, that's in my Sitting here, is it possible to... Can it be allowed that all things are advancing forward and confirming oneself? That the oneself is the advancing forward of all things.

[20:00]

That's what the oneself is. So I ask you, can you identify?

[22:22]

Can you identify? Or maybe I'll say it a little differently. Is it possible to see? to discover this habit moment by moment of either holding on to a sense of self or bringing a sense of self to your experience or carrying a sense of self moment by moment. Is it possible to discover that

[23:23]

I don't know, management-wise, if I should ask you now if anyone has been able to find that or if anyone has been unable to find that. Have you all already been able to find it? It may be a little bit embarrassing. If I ask you if you can't find it, you may not want to admit it. You'd be the dumb kid in class. But if anyone has the courage to say that they haven't found it, that might be interesting. Has anyone not found it? You can't see it? No.

[25:15]

Okay. What? I had what then? Good enough on what? That's why I'm here. When you look, where do you look? Did you look for it? I am speaking. What did you do? Not much, except sit. Attention. And you didn't see any sense of self? Oh, why? Too much. You saw some sense of self? Well, that's to myself, but please say. Oh, I don't mean the self. I mean my self. I mean one self. You could find that?

[26:15]

What do you mean too much? So you did find the self that's in the way? Yes. Okay. And do you understand what self it is that's not in the way? What self is it that's now in the world? Well, it's right here, right? It's a balance of that fallen emptiness. It's not my self, it looks. It's also in the nature. One translation of this expression is, when all things come forward and experience themselves, that is enlightenment.

[27:21]

And I actually don't like that translation so well. Okay, so picture everything coming forward and confirming themselves. That sounds pretty good. In that scenario, there's no self-clinging. Can you see that? However, the problem there is that there's not a one self that's getting confirmed by all these things arriving. Yes? It seems to me that the word confirmed is really used differently in these two sentences. When we carry the self forward and confirm things, that seems like we're really grabbing on, labeling, solidifying. But when the myriad things advance and confirm us, that's different. I don't feel they're at all, the queens are at all attached to the self that they're confirming.

[28:28]

The experience is interesting. Yeah, it's really different in two cases. But the same word. The same word. So I think that's why it's so tricky. What does the confirm mean in the second sentence? In the second sentence, the confirm is a confirmation or validation of our life which is not just holding on to things, but it's actually all things holding on to us. That's why I think it's better to say that all things come forward and confirm one's self. And enlightenment doesn't happen all over the place exactly. It happens at one's self. It happens at one's self. And all things are advancing forward and confirming oneself, [...] oneself.

[29:43]

And when things happen that way, there's nothing to be afraid of. And when When action comes from there, the action is not compulsive. It's not based on insecurity or infected by insecurity. Another translation is acting on and witnessing oneself in the advent of all things. to bring it up into two parts, to act on oneself in the advent of all things. Or witnessing oneself in the advent of all things.

[30:50]

That's enlightening. So again, if you can get a hold of a sense, if you can get a hold of a sense, if you can recognize the sense in which we bring the self to things, we bring the self forth onto things, if you can catch yourself at that, you're very close in terms of language of seeing it the other way around. Instead of that this is brought to things, see that things are brought to make this. If you can make that switch, this is the point. It's to turn at that point. And the pivot is on the self.

[31:56]

The self is where the clinging occurs and where the problems arise. At that same place that you can just change your perspective. I shouldn't say you can just change your perspective because you can't change your perspective. But if the perspective can change at that place of itself, this is the place to look. You can't switch the dial from reporting the self to having the self arrive by all things. You can't turn the dial, but you can look at that spot, concentrate at that place, and it can switch. So that's what I'd like to work on this week is looking at that place and circle around this place of the self-clean to look at this carrying the self or to look at how we walk around with this burden of the self on top of our self or on top of our life.

[32:58]

To look at that and see if there's some way by looking at it from various tangles that somehow maybe it could drop off and without the self going away, but it's not that the self goes away, but that the self doesn't have a burden of the self on top of it. When the self burden is dropped, then the self pops up fresh, freshly delivered by all things. And then again, that self is dropped, and another self is freshly delivered by all things. So you keep getting new, fresh, and impermanent selves, moment after moment, none of which are carried, none of which are a burden. All things easily produce this person.

[34:12]

It's kind of like All things are happening. And the little selves all over the world are popping up in the midst of all things happening. All things are happening all over the place. And each place where all things are happening and there's a living being, at each one of those places, a self pops up and goes away. And all things arrive again, all over the place. All things arrive here, there, [...] there. All these places, all things arrive at all places. And if there's a living being there, a self arises. Yes?

[35:15]

I've had the experience that there are these times when Julian's impulse is popping up. And to do something, it's almost very indisputable that it's choosing sort of a lower spectrum of these. And I think that I'm not such a student's what you need guys to sell. It has to be a lot of pain. But my question is, in my experience, there's something like nothing when something very much speeded up in my body. Do you have to, I don't know, do the extensive word of some kind of appearing times? You have not been able to notice it?

[36:38]

Oh, I see. When you say special states, you mean not in ordinary life, but in special states? Yes. Well, what would what I'm talking about is in your language to create I don't want to say this exactly but just in terms of your language to create special states where you can see this more often or another way to do it is to start visualizing, which is another kind of special state, to start visualizing things, to start thinking in a way that is an antidote to these states, which is an antidote to this, as you say, small disreputable self.

[37:54]

It's not exactly that the self is small and disreputable, but that a small disreputable self is being grasped. that any self that you can grasp is small. It's not so much that it's small, but by being grasped, it becomes small and tight. Anyway, there's two ways of practice in this case. One would be to look at this activity and notice how disruptive it is. And by seeing this disruptive pattern, That lesson of this clinging to this small self and disruption, you see that association over and over and over, and they drop by that awareness. The other way is to develop ways of thinking. And these two practices can be done together or alternatively or in parallel.

[39:02]

The other way is to start thinking in ways which are antidotes to that activity, even if you can't see that activity. So I, in some sense, give you two kinds of assignments, and you can take both of them or one of them. One is, see if you can find this, see if in this valley, and with the intention to discover this self clinic. See if you can find yourself carrying around a sense of self. See if you can find yourself, see if you can feel the burden of a self. That's one thing. Can that effort put you into a state where you can discover that. Just in that effort put you into a special state where you can discover this and notice this.

[40:05]

That's one way. The other way is think new ways. And one way I would say is think of nature. Think about nature. For example, think walking around during the day, no matter what you're doing, talking to people, brushing your teeth, cutting vegetables, swimming. Think of the mountains. Think of water. think of trees and grass. Just think of that. Think of nature all the time. Only think of nature. Don't think of people.

[41:21]

Don't think of Anything of nature. Those are two different styles of antidote to this clinging. Is the unburdened self aware of a self?

[42:58]

Is the unburdened self aware of a self? A self is not aware of a self. Awareness of self is not a self. Awareness of self is an awareness. A self is just a concept. An unburdened self is the person who knows that the self is just a fleeting concept. There is an awareness of a self, but it's not a permanent self. It's not a self which was there yesterday. It's a self which has just emerged at this moment. It's a new self. There's time to be aware of that.

[44:04]

Every moment there's an opportunity to be aware of this freshly delivered self. freshly delivered self, freshly delivered self, constantly fresh new selves are popping up in our lives. These selves are unheard of before this moment, unprecedented, unique, fresh, and soon to disappear. They don't need to be cared for. As a matter of fact, if you do care for them, that is the source of all misery. Just let these little things pop up and go away, and everything will be okay. If you believe that and try it, you'll notice, perhaps, either that you're happy all the time, or you'll notice a strong habit coming up and saying, wait a minute,

[45:12]

You got to take care of these little guys, or these little gals. Extremely apropos of this talk. Somebody told me that it's written by Gershwin, but my sheet music says that it's written by Rogers Hammerstein II and Mr. Current. But some people think it's written by Gershaw. For this would have to be settled in court. The song is called Old Man River. Ready? How does the girl play? I got the music very soon. That old man in the middle of the river. That all night I bring in the worship, he must know something.

[46:19]

But don't say nothing, he just came in from me. He came in from me, he came in from me. He don't plant baiters. He don't plant cotton. And then that plant self is soon forgotten. But old man, Ritter, he just keeps rolling along. You and me, we sweat and strain, body all aching and wracked with pain, told that father

[47:26]

Lift that pill. You get a little drunk and you run in jail. I give it to you and say, bro, what's crying? I'm tired of living and scared of dying. But all that living, it just keeps growing up. And then sometimes you go back and again, you say, I get weird. Thank you.

[48:36]

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