Now all Buddha ancestors who uphold the Buddha Dharma have made it the true path of enlightenment to sit upright, practicing in the midst of the self-fulfilling awareness. Those who attained enlightenment in India and China and Japan and America followed this way. It was done so because teachers and students personally transmitted this excellent method as the essence of the teaching. In the authentic tradition of our teaching it is said that this directly transmitted, straightforward Buddhadharma is the supreme of the supreme.

[01:16]

We often hear, or I often hear Buddhist teachers saying something like, this is an excellent practice or this is the supreme of the supreme. I remember Suzuki Roshi used to say, and this is the most important thing, and he said that about a number of things. It's not that this is the supreme of the supreme and something else is less supreme, but rather that we're being encouraged to be completely one-pointed about our practice. Again, there is this practice of sitting upright. and the practice of being in the midst of this self-joyousness awareness.

[02:46]

I reiterate this scripture, one hundred, one thousand, one million scrolls. Breathing in, not dwelling in the realm of body-mind. Breathing out, not entangled in myriad circumstances. This is Prajna Tara's classical expression on sitting upright. and also realization of freedom in the midst of myriad circumstances

[04:28]

The being who is dedicated to liberating all living creatures has been encouraged by the Buddha to produce a mind, produce a thought which has no abode. When you hear about producing a thought which has no abode, you might think, how could I produce such a thought? And that's right. The production of the thought of no abode is not produced by the bodhisattva. However, it is produced. It is dependently co-produced. There is a thought which has no abode and it is dependently co-produced.

[06:37]

It has co-producers. The thought which has no abode is co-produced by all living beings. Eulogizing the production of a thought which has no abode, which abides nowhere, which doesn't depend on anything, and is simultaneously produced by everything, and also simultaneously produces everything, Dogen Zenji said, coming, going, The waterfowl leave no trace. The water birds leave no trace. Yet, they require no guide.

[07:38]

For years, I appreciated this picture of uprightness. of coming and going in the world and leaving no trace and not even having a guide on how to do that. And not even having no guide on how to do that. And then I found out that there are these water birds and they can do this thing in the water. I pictured these water birds flying through the sky leaving no trace, like migratory ducks. Flying through the air, leaving no trace. But I heard that water birds can swim through the water, and after the trace of their pattern is gone, they can swim back through exactly the same traces, through exactly the same path.

[08:48]

that they just went through and left no trace of and they don't need a guide to figure out how to go back through that same pattern. Just like human beings go through birth and death, go through various karmic habits, And when those habits leave no trace, or even without those habits leaving any trace, we can reenact those habits exactly. But we think we have to remember how we walked up the stairs or how we trapped ourself in order to do it again. we're completely, perfectly trapped into these patterns.

[10:10]

And because we're so completely trapped into these habits, because of that exactly, they leave no trace. I had a dream some time ago and when I first looked at the dream I thought, hey, it's just like my life except for one thing was kind of unusual. It was a dream about me and I had lots of appointments and as I was going to one appointment I realized that I wanted to also go to another appointment, but there was a conflict because they were at the same time. I wanted to go see this person, and then I wanted to go see that person. And while I was about to go see this person, another person came to me and said, could I talk to you?

[11:17]

And I wanted to, but I had a problem there, a conflict. And then... my attendant came to me and said that I had to catch a flight, a three o'clock flight, which was in a few minutes. And this went on and on for quite a while. And actually I was kind of enjoying it, although there was some tension in the situation. And then on top of all that, I was invited to join a posse or a search party And this search party was looking for a little boy who was lost. And although we were looking for the boy, I could kind of see the boy.

[12:18]

He was about four years old, kind of a good-sized four-year-old. He was Caucasian and had kind of blonde hair. And as I looked more carefully, I realized that this boy was, in some ways, he was, what do you call it, he looked kind of at, what do you call it, like at birth defects, or he was mentally retarded, or maybe autistic. So anyway, I was on, I joined this search party for this, to find this boy. to help this lost, disabled boy. And I seemed to be willing to take this responsibility on in the midst of all the other ones which I wasn't able to satisfy either. However, I thought the other things, all these various appointments, I thought they were, I guess I thought they were a little bit more important than

[13:27]

being on this search crew for this boy, because I thought, you know, a lot of people can look for a boy, but not so many people can have these appointments that I had and catch these airplanes. But the person who was organizing the search wanted to give instructions to the search party. And I think the person sensed that I was feeling like, a little bit like, hey, I'm willing to be on this search party, but you know, if you're going to go into elaborate detail about all this kind of procedures that are necessary to be a member of this searching crew, and if I have to, like, take a course on how to be on this search crew, that's a bit much for me, you know. I'll do it, but don't expect me to, like, give my whole body and soul to this project, because there's other things which I think are a little bit more important, like, you know, teaching Buddhism or helping suffering people in this special way of Zen practice rather than just looking for some retarded kid.

[14:36]

But anyway, the person, the instructor of this search crew really felt like what they were instructing was very important too. And so there was this little thing there. And I think that was about all. I didn't get kicked off the crew because I didn't say, well, I'm not going to learn all you want me to learn. But I think the dream kind of ended. But when I look back at it, I thought, well, it's just my life except this. I don't have this. I'm not on this search crew. That's the additional thing in my life that I didn't see. And I also noticed again that I seem to be unwilling to give myself fully to this search for this incapable boy. But as I looked more, I thought, wait a minute. I mean, I felt bad. Because, you know, Zen theory says I should be willing to give myself as much to kind of somewhat irrelevant activities, so-called unimportant activities, as I would to so-called important activities.

[15:58]

You know, attempting to elucidate the subtleties of perfect wisdom should not be put above anything even something where I don't play a very important role but I thought now why did I tell myself about this and why do I feel bad about not giving myself fully to this and so what I felt after a while was that actually this boy this incompetent ineffective boy is actually the most important person The one who can't do anything, who can't go to these meetings, who can't even think of going to the meetings, who can't even want to go to the meetings, who can't even go on a search party, who can't even resist going on a search party, who can't even... That one who can't do anything is the one that I think actually I should remember.

[17:17]

like a babe in the world in five aspects complete except in this case five aspects not necessarily complete does not go or come or rise or stand Baba Wawa so there is this karmic game each of us have our karmic game my karmic game now you know my karmic game going to appointments sitting upright, hopefully, in the midst of self-fulfilling awareness. That's my karmic game. That's my karmic game as something I can do. Me do Zen. That's my karmic game. Me do Zen priest. Me do bodhisattva. This is not the mind which has no abode.

[18:26]

This is the karmic mind. And My karmic mind, which I can see in my daily life and even my dreams say, my karmic mind is busy, overlapped on busy. I have enough to satisfy, to fill several karmic lives, and I would like to, if possible. I even look for longer weeks and longer days where I can jam in more me practicing Zen and But there's somebody who's so stupid they can't play this game, who's just sitting there drooling, hardly even able to watch it or notice it. And on top of all my karmic activities, I'm supposed to find this useless, stupid boy.

[19:27]

and make finding him equal priority to my karmic trips, and maybe even a higher priority. But again, making him a higher priority would just be making another karmic trip. This boy, this incapable boy, is also known as the one who's not busy. But he's not busy like he has a choice, you know, he could be busy. He's not busy because he doesn't understand how to be busy. He looks at busyness and doesn't get it. This is the Buddha. The Buddha can't rise, can't stand, can't sit. The Buddha is incapable of understanding how to create karma. Because the Buddha has studied karma so thoroughly that the Buddha cannot see karma anymore.

[20:35]

Karma, karma. As no karma does the Buddha understand karma. Therefore the Buddha is at a loss, is an incompetent karmic machine, is an incompetent player in the karmic work. And what is the content of Buddha's subtle discriminating wisdom? It is this karma. So being upright means to be sitting in the middle of the karmic game, unwaveringly, And watching how the karmic game works, watching how we think, I go to an appointment, I catch an airplane, I open a door, I do zazen, watching that until you see that it's not that way.

[21:54]

I do this and I do that and this is not working very well so I'd like to change what I'm doing from this to that. Without trying even to stop that process we realize this process has already been stopped. to enter the mud with all sentient beings. To come into karmic life is the only way a bodhisattva can function. So, In eulogizing the instruction of Prajnatara, the instruction breathing in without dwelling in body and mind, breathing out without entanglement in myriad circumstances, eulogizing this, Ru Jing says, in the subtle round mouth of

[23:31]

of the pivot, the spiritual work turns. In the subtle round mouth of the pivot, the spiritual work turns. Or there is the turning of the spiritual work. What is this pivot? Where is the pivot? The pivot is in your karmic activity. And the pivot is in liberation from karmic activity. It's in the same place. So the pivot is the self-fulfilling awareness.

[24:36]

It's the place where there's a self and it's the place where the self gets fulfilled. It's the place where you do things and where things do you. The pivot is life. Life is the pivot. In the subtle round mouth of life, the spiritual work turns. And life is just like riding in a boat. You, or I, maybe I say I, ride in a boat. I raise the sail. I row the oars.

[25:40]

I work the rudder. I do this. I do that. Life is just like that. Right? However, although I row and all that, the boat gives me a ride. And I couldn't ride without the boat, and nobody else can either. But when I ride in the boat, my riding makes the boat what the boat is. Nothing, there is nothing that exists on its own side. Using karaoke balls.

[26:49]

You put the balls out. I put the balls out. I... pick up the bag that has the chopsticks and the spoon in it. I do that. This is karma. I do this. I do that. I do this. I do this. I do this. This is karmic life. See it? This is what is called birth and death. But while I'm doing this, actually At the same time, the bowls are moving around and the hands are moving around. And actually, all this stuff of the hands and the bowls and the chopsticks happening, there's one thing that isn't happening there, and that's meat. Orioki means just enough equipment.

[27:56]

Oreo means just enough or sufficient, and ki means equipment. It's just enough to be itself, and then there's me. First there's me, and then there's doing the orioke. Then there's doing the orioke, and just doing the orioke, and then there's me. One is misery and the other is freedom. And they're in the same place. Putting the hands out, I put the hands out, I raise the hands up, and then I stop talking like that for a second and watch these hands. And watch these hands come together. And then pretty soon there's just this stuff happening and then there's me.

[29:03]

But it's in the same place. I put the hands out and then the hands are coming together and then there's me. There's a pivot there. If I observe the karma, the karma becomes the content and inseparable from a totally different point of view. everything I do can turn around into everything doing me. There's a precept called doing all good or gathering all wholesome dharmas. Dogen's comment on that is this precept is unsurpassed penetrating and perfect awakening. And it is the path of practicing and being practiced.

[30:06]

I'm practicing can turn into being practiced. I'm doing things can turn, can pivot into things are doing me. Watching how I do things turns into things doing me is called the self-fulfilling awareness. It's called studying dependent co-arising. Watching how karma dependently co-arises, watching how awakening co-arises. When I bring myself forward and confirm the bowls, when I bring myself forward and practice Zen, this is delusion. When everything comes forward and confirms me, that's awakening.

[31:18]

They're at the same place. Both cases you're watching the self-fulfilling process. There is a self which does things and there is a self which is born of or arises from the arrival of everything. One is the self of misery. The other is the self of happiness. For one, everything that happens is painful. For the other, everything that happens is happiness. But you don't have to move from your present karmic position to witness this pivot. All you have to do is give up everything, period. And just let it be thus. All you have to do is inwardly

[32:29]

Stop coughing and sighing. And outwardly, stop activating and getting excited about objects. All you got to do is make your mind like a wall. And the wall will turn into a door. I'd already told you about the time I was having dinner with my wife, didn't I? And I had this conversation with her about, first it was about, she was talking to me about something about, is homosexuality inborn or the result of education?

[33:32]

Did I tell you about that? Has anybody heard about this?" Oh, okay, well. So she asked me that and I said, uh, I don't think it's inborn. And she said, you don't? I said, no. And then I made some comment which she thought was me saying that I thought that it was the results of some psychological process. But she soon realized that what I was saying was, I don't think it's inborn, and I don't think it's not inborn. And when we got into that a little bit, she started to get upset, I thought. So I said, I don't want to talk about it anymore. But later I realized that she wasn't getting upset, she was getting excited and interested. And then somehow the conversation shifted over to talking about karma.

[34:33]

and I said, I think karma is insignificant. I do. This karmic game is insignificant. It's of no concern. Karma, as a matter of fact, is putting significance on things and being concerned about things. But if you can study karma and be thorough in your study of karma, you verify that karma is insignificant and you express your lack of concern for it. And then karma becomes the content of your subtle discriminating wisdom. And karma becomes the door to liberation because you realize it has no sign and you have no concern for it. She also started getting upset about that, so I stopped talking about that too.

[35:35]

But then later when we were driving home, she told me that she thought it was really an interesting conversation we had. She said, it's almost the only time we've had an interesting conversation at a restaurant. Usually we just sit there like dullards listening to the other people's conversations. She said, but this was really interesting. I misinterpreted her thinking that she was getting upset with what I was saying. Actually, she thought it was interesting. I also told her in that conversation that I didn't like people. And she said, oh yes you do. And then she started naming some people she thought that I liked. She said, well you like so and so, don't you? And I said, no. You like that person, don't you?" I said, no. She was gradually working her way towards herself. I think she never did get that far.

[36:38]

I really don't like people. I like Buddhas, to tell you the truth. Of course, occasionally I slip into liking people. And sometimes I slip into not liking people. But not liking people does not mean I don't like people. It means I neither like nor dislike. But the one who doesn't like or dislike is this stupid boy I'm looking for. who doesn't even know how to like or dislike, who's not that clever, who doesn't know how to judge who he should like and doesn't like. All he sees is blankety-blank Buddhas. He can't show up for anything, and he can't even be late. He's too stupid to be late or on time.

[37:48]

He doesn't know what Buddhism is. He doesn't know what the right Dharma is. He doesn't know what the wrong Dharma is. He doesn't know what a good student is, or a bad student is, or a good teacher is, or a bad teacher is. He's incapable of making comparisons, poor thing. He's really not busy. with the wonderful karmic trip of comparing this to that and coming up with a perfect evaluation of who knows what. He's already given up everything, but if he knew any better, he wouldn't have. He doesn't know how to escape, so he's completely free. He doesn't even know that that is a contradiction. He doesn't even know that he's a contradiction.

[38:53]

He doesn't even know that since he's irrelevant and useless, he's the most valuable thing. He can't figure out that he has an independent existence of other creatures. Doesn't figure it out. Can't figure it out. He's just dependent co-origination. That's all he is, poor thing. Ba-ba-wa-wa. So if you want to switch from I'm doing it to everything is coming forth and realizing I, you got to be stupid enough to just be who you are and watch how you do that.

[40:20]

I'm a miserable, suffering person judging myself and others. I can't even be that stupid boy. But being willing to be smarter than that stupid boy is that stupid boy or that stupid girl. So that was my dream. And somebody else told me a dream. It wasn't a dream, actually. It was a book, a story in a book, which I thought was apropos of this. It's about some Portuguese Christian missionaries who lived at, I believe, the beginning of the 17th century.

[41:47]

towards the end of the 16th century, Hideyoshi, in the process of unifying Japan, also unified the religious scene and crucified Christians in Japan and pretty well eliminated Christianity. And I think they even got some Buddhist priests to be part of the crucifixion process. I don't know. Anyway, so back in Portugal, some Christians hearing about this thought, mmm, yummy. Let's go to Japan and get crucified. What a great opportunity. So they went to Japan, unknowing that they were going into a difficult situation. but doing Jesus' work, right? Even going to be just like Jesus.

[42:51]

Remember Jesus? He kind of got word that if he went into Israel on that ass, on that donkey, he might get in trouble. Didn't he hear about that beforehand? If you go in there, you might get in trouble, Jesus. Hey, let's go. This is my big chance. Anyway, following in Jesus' footsteps, these Portuguese missionaries went back to Japan And they got to Japan and had some hardships and found some, I guess, found some former Japanese Christians among the peasantry hiding out, keeping their faith hidden and working with them. And anyway, having, I don't know the hardships anyway, having hardships, right? And of course, the people thought, boy, these people are something to have come here knowing that they're going to have hardships. Wow. These Christians, wow. And then this one missionary met one of his former teachers who had lived there, but he renounced his faith.

[44:05]

He renounced Christianity and was allowed to stay in Japan forever. And so the newly arrived missionary said to the old teacher, you know, how could you do that? How could you give up and renounce your faith? And I think the old teacher said something like, well, you'll understand someday maybe. So finally this missionary was captured, put in prison, and then after being in prison for a while, he heard some sounds in a nearby area nearby cell and he thought it was people snoring and he inquired and found out that they weren't snoring this was actually sounds that they were emitting from being tortured and they were being tortured in such a way that they wouldn't die and they would just keep suffering like this until he

[45:09]

repudiated his faith until he gave up his pure Christian path. He was ready to die himself, but the Japanese torturers knew that there's a better way. Torture other people to get him Put him in a kind of a conflict situation, right? And so he, I guess, considered maybe, okay, maybe repudiating his faith, giving up his faith. But how do you do that? The way you have to do it is take the picture of Jesus. And by the way, this monk always carried the picture of Jesus before his eyes. He always thought of Jesus' face in this picture. And that gave him inspiration to survive these difficulties to help people. So what he had to do is he had to take that picture and put it on the ground and step on it.

[46:15]

On his ideal, on his inspiration that kept him going through all difficulty and showed him a path of happiness. He had to put it on the ground and step on it. Anyway, of course, that's the one thing that was the thing to get him to do all right. That was the most hard thing to do. That was it. They found it. So anyway, he went back and forth, I suppose, for a while, and finally he decided he would do it. And then as he's just about to step on Jesus' face, he heard Jesus talk to him. And Jesus said, yes, now you understand what I'm here for.

[47:23]

Please walk on me. So each of us have our thing that we're holding on to. What is it? Each of us have our one-sidedness, our position, our assertion of existence or non-existence. We each have it. This story, you know, tells a story of somebody who... This story tells the kind of help we get

[48:41]

to find the thing we have to give up, to actually get to the place where it's put on the line and we can give it up. By watching our activity, by watching how we, you know, go to Japan, or how we work with the peasants, or how we think of the holy image, or how we do this, or how we're watching this carefully, we will be offered an opportunity to turn around. Not even to turn around, but to let it turn. Although you row, the boat gives you a ride.

[50:46]

And without the boat, no one could ride. But you ride in the boat, and your riding makes the boat what the boat is. such a moment as this. All moments are like this. And at such a moment, at just such a moment, there is nothing in the world but the world of the boat. The sky, the water, the shore, all are the boat's world, which is not the same as the world that is not the boat's. When you ride in the boat, your body and mind and the environment together are the whole undivided activity of the boat.

[52:01]

The entire sky and the entire earth are both the undivided activity of the boat. Thus life is nothing but you and you are nothing but life. At the time of realization there is nothing but life. somehow we need to find a way to make ourselves comfortable in the mud, in this karmic mud.

[53:57]

We need to sit in the middle of the dependently co-arisen misery so we can witness the turning of this dependently co-arisen misery into dependently co-arisen liberation. We need to make ourselves very comfortable. So comfortable that you're quite happy and quite relaxed. So relaxed that you're no longer resisting it. Totally accepting.

[55:03]

Finding the one who couldn't imagine anything but this. Who can hardly even imagine this. This stupid one is the founder of Buddha's Way, is the Buddha ancestor. Sitting still with this stupid girl is the ancestor's awareness. Can you renounce for the welfare of all beings the worldly ways of thinking that you can do something other than just be here in this mud?

[56:18]

Can you renounce these sophisticated demons who are trying to distract you from the pain of human delusion, who are trying to distract you from your awareness of self-clinging. They are intentional.

[57:48]

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