At first I was going to say that my heart hurts, but it doesn't exactly hurt, it more feels like it's going to burst, and it's being held back from bursting by the bones in my rib cage, in my chest, particularly the bones around here, are restraining, feel would, it feels like it wants to be more the size maybe of a beach ball, that might be just about right, I don't know, anyway, that's how I feel. So now that I said that, I thought maybe I should say, beware of such a person who's bursting, sort of at the seams, and I should also beware that I'm this way, so that you

[01:05]

don't get splattered by what I do, I don't particularly want that to happen. But I'm actually, I don't know exactly what it is that's creating this surface tension around here, I think I'm telling you this to try to adjust the osmotic pressure. Coming up to the zendo here, I thought of one way to describe my intention in giving

[02:15]

these talks is I'm trying to encourage you to sit still and be present and just pay attention. And I'm also trying to encourage you not to do anything more than that, and giving you many reasons and unreasons for why that's a good idea. I guess I'm giving you one kind of thing, in a sense, to do other than just sit there and that is I'm suggesting that you look, that you focus on the self. And I feel a little bit bad about that because it sounds a little bit like telling you to

[03:20]

do something, but I don't want to direct you any particular way, but just to tell you that I really feel that the place of liberation is around this awareness of self. And I think that will appear to you if you just sit still and keep your eyes open. However, trying to do this kind of practice myself, I find it very challenging to be alert enough to be able to catch this place, this elusive phenomena called the self and how

[04:27]

it dances. Now, in the middle of Sashin, I'm becoming awake enough to ... I'm getting more awake, so I feel I have a chance to witness the place where the world turns. So, the teaching, the wondrous teaching of the Buddhas has the criterion or the standard of this self-receiving, self-using awareness.

[05:31]

The criterion, the standard of the teaching and the practice of the Buddhas is this awareness of receiving and using the self. There are many kinds of teachings, many kinds of awarenesses, but the standard of the Buddha practice is this awareness of receiving and using the self. Again, there are other kinds of awareness, but this is the essential awareness that cannot be left out. Other kinds of awareness come and go and may be useful for certain things, but to enter awakening, this is the essential awareness we must be able to sense to witness the receiving

[06:34]

and using of the self. This place where the self is received and used is the focal point of the spiritual world of the Buddhas. It is the pivot where living beings turn from a life of delusion to a life of liberation. It's the pivot. It's the subtle round mouth where the spiritual works turn. To carry the self forward and practice Buddhism or live our life, that's what's called delusion.

[07:44]

For all things to come forward and confirm or realize the self is called awakening. What I am trying to do is to sit upright in that stage of delusion and enlightenment, where the self is brought forward and confirms things and where things come forward and confirm the self. That pivot, to catch that spot, that place where delusion is born and where it can turn into awakening, the center of it is self. In one case the self is an object, in another case the self is a subject.

[08:51]

In one case the self is the actor, in the other case the self is acted upon. It's the same place. You don't have to get in there with tweezers, scalpel, hammer, nails, saws, anything and mess with the situation. All you have to do is watch this drama and liberation will spontaneously erupt or settle in or manifest. But it's hard for us to be present enough to be there in that moment. So as I was walking up here I thought of this thing I heard Reggie Jackson say.

[09:56]

Do you know Reggie Jackson? Do you know Reggie Jackson? So we have a row of people who don't know who Reggie Jackson is. Reggie Jackson is a baseball player. Do you know baseball? Did he play for the Oakland A's? Yes. Did he play for the Oakland A's? Yes, yes. Right field. What, also New York? Well, I heard Reggie Jackson said he was a batter also. He played, he caught the ball in the right part of the field and then he sometimes batted. You know bat? Huh? Left-handed. One of the most popular swings in baseball. Very good swinger. So he said, some days when the ball comes it's as big as a basketball.

[10:57]

And then of course it's very easy to hit, either this way, or this way, or this way. You can hit it any way you want. You can tell right where to put the bat. Some days the baseball is this big usually, okay? And it comes very fast, 100 miles an hour. So it looks like a tiny little, very small. It's coming from far away so it's a little dot and suddenly it's big and then it's gone. Some days it's like a basketball. That's the part that we need to work at, is making this event, not making it, but be ready for the time when this event is like a basketball. When the self, coming to things and living life, changes from things coming and making our life. That space, that time, we have to be there for that time.

[12:04]

So it's so big it's like, oh, there it is. I get it. You have to see it. Once you see it, once you feel it, once you taste it, it'll be very easy from then on to understand what Zazen is. And then when you practice Zazen, you'll be able to sit even more confidently and wait for the time when the next basketball comes. Or even just, baseball may still be coming and you'll strike out, but you'll know that actually you're doing the best, you're in the right game. This is the criterion. So there are various kinds of sitting in meditation. The kind the Buddhas do is they watch this place where delusion turns to enlightenment, turns to delusion, turns to enlightenment. They watch this place.

[13:05]

That's where they enter, is in catching that subtle turning. But it's very hard to see that thing when the ball's coming a hundred miles an hour and the ball does come very fast. And we think it's going to hit us in the head. So we close our eyes. And then you don't learn anything if you flinch and close your eyes. Too bad. Later, Gator. Is that okay? Can I go on and do this and you can ask questions later? So, Dogen Zenji says, as I told you before, realization of the path of freedom is life.

[14:27]

Life is realization. At the time of realization, there is nothing but life totally actualized. There is nothing but death totally actualized. Life is like when one goes riding in a boat. Though this boat, though in this boat one works the sail and the rudder and the oars, the boat carries one and one is nothing without the boat.

[15:30]

Though you work the sail and the oars and the rudder, no one can ride without the boat. The boat carries you and at the same time, your riding in the boat makes the boat a boat. You can't ride without the boat and the boat can't be a boat without you riding in it. One should concentrate on this precise point. At this very moment, the boat in the world,

[16:54]

excuse me, at this very moment, the boat is the world. Even the sky, the water and the shore all have become circumstances of the boat, unlike circumstances which are not the boat. For this reason, life is our causing to live and life's causing us to be ourselves. When riding in a boat, the body and mind, subject and object are all the workings of the boat. The whole earth and all space are both the workings of the boat. We that are life, life that is we, are the same way.

[18:09]

He says, one should concentrate on this precise point, the point where the self receives and uses the self, living out the self that is nothing but the self in the world, which is nothing but the self. The delusion which is the source of all sin arises from our taking this objectified self

[19:36]

as our self. The source of delusion is the way of seeing this self as an object that we can carry around and do things with. Although the schedule is not required, a reversal of this way of seeing is required. A reversal, a total reversal of values is mandatory. But nobody is requiring this. All that is requiring this is freedom. Freedom has this requirement. Now I'd like to give some concrete examples.

[21:02]

And then, if you want, you can ask questions or I can give more concrete examples. Is that okay? The example is entering water. At the baths, there's a little plaque there, which maybe someday Jim will make a more spiffy one. Anyway, it's kind of a rough plaque. And then, in an apropos way, I wrote in kind of... What was the word I used for that plaque? Rough? Kind of a roughly made plaque. And then I wrote, kind of in rough handwriting, Bhadrapala Bodhisattva on the plaque. And there's a picture above the plaque of these monks. I believe there's 16 of them. Theoretically, there really should be 17, but I think there's 16. Monks in the bath, in a plunge, as a matter of fact.

[22:07]

Very apropos of Tassajara. Have you ever seen that picture? Did you count the monks? 16? Yeah. There should be 17, but we'll let it go at that. Maybe there shouldn't be. We'll think about that. Anyway, there was this monk named Bhadrapala who lived a while ago in India, I think. And one day, he and 16 of his friends went to the bath. As he was entering the bath, when he touched the water, when his skin touched the water, he understood the nature of water. And he was liberated. Liberated from all suffering and distress. Homage to Bhadrapala Bodhisattva.

[23:16]

Water. Water. I'm getting to that. It looks like it's endless. Its nature is endless. Huh? Its nature is warm? No. Its characteristics are warm and cold. Its nature is endless. It's boundless. It's bottomless. It's topless. Anyway, this story appears in the Surangama Sutra. And the Buddha is asking the Bodhisattvas,

[24:23]

which sense modality is the best for entering into awakening? And the different Bodhisattvas come up and say, Oh, I think seeing is best. Or I think hearing is best. Or I think tasting is best. Or touching. And then they tell a story of their awakening through that sense modality, or through mind. So, when it comes to Bhadrapala Bodhisattva, he says, through touch is the best, because that's the way he entered. Like Reggie Jackson thinks through baseball is the best. When he touched the water, he realized the nature of water. The nature of water is that water is you. In other words, water is you. In other words, water is not water. Water is you. By realizing what water is, you realize who you are.

[25:27]

You are water. In other words, you're not you. You're water. Wait a second. This water is endless. This you is endless. This water is empty of water, and you are empty of you. This is what he realized by touching the water. Isn't that nice? So, we have a picture of these sixteen. Now I think, well, maybe it is good there's only sixteen, because there's sixteen of his friends, but no Bhadrapala Bodhisattva. That's appropriate, right? This is Bhadrapala Bodhisattva looking at his friends as he touches the water, as he forgot who Bhadrapala Bodhisattva was. So, when you look at that picture, maybe you can forget who you are. Now we have hot water.

[26:30]

Tathagati is very well equipped this time of year. We have hot water and cold water. Hot running water, cold running water. I use both in my practice. I swim in the bay, and when I go in the bay, there comes a time when my body, my sense of touch, my body touches the water. At that time, there's a moment there, when the water really is the main thing that's making me. As I walk up to the water, there's various me's that are being made by the beach, by the sun, by the sky, by Zen Center, by all of you, you know, which is nice.

[27:34]

But when I touch the water, the water really makes me. And at that time, it's hard for me to be present at that moment. I make a sound at that moment. And I go, ah! Or I go, pfft, pfft. I try every time, almost every time, I try to be there and watch, to see how the water makes me. But also, I make the water. I make the water. My being touched makes the water. I make the water. The universe uses this self to reflect itself on itself.

[28:38]

It's hard to be present for that moment because this is a universal reflection. Everything in the universe is turning at that moment. The people who, you know, I practice Zen, I try to practice Zen, and some of the people at the Dolphin Club don't have a religion. A lot of the people at the Dolphin Club, where I go swimming, Dolphin Club is the place I go swimming. Do you understand Dolphin Club? The people in the club are called dolphins. I'm a dolphin. I understand from the Dolphin Club members that many of them do not have a religion. Their religion is going in that water. They go in that water. As they walk into the water, they say, oh, this is stupid, especially in the middle of the winter, they say, this is stupid. And actually, not so many people come in the winter.

[29:43]

But the ones who go in, they often are saying to themselves, why am I doing this? But to have one experience a day when you feel something make you, rather than you make something, that is a moment of liberation, and it makes the day for these guys and these gals. Have you had a moment today when the world made you? Have you had a moment when the world was you? But again, it's hard to be present enough so that that moment is as big as a basketball. You need to miss it. It's so intense, those moments. So I think many of you would rather have warm water than cold water. And the water in the baths are hot enough

[30:47]

so that you can do it there too. When you enter the water, especially, not especially, anyway, you enter the water, when you feel that water, at that point, you, the self, and the world are one at that moment. The self and the world as two, this is delusion. When you enter the water, that's delusion. But when the water is you, and you are the water, when the water and you, when the world and you are one, at that moment you get to see Dharma. You get to feel the Dharma that the Buddhas teach. That's the Dharma they teach, the Dharma which is you touching the water, you and the water one,

[31:49]

that is the Dharma. And that is the place where the universe, where the whole universe reflects itself. Where time and space, where time and space, or where space that has time in it, which means space that is conscious, where conscious space reflects itself through yourself in that water. Such a radiant moment is difficult to be present for.

[32:50]

That's why we do this sitting, to learn how to sit and be present with all the complexities and brilliance of you and your body, [...] until finally you and your body are one, and again, [...] until finally you and the floor are one, you and your neighbor are one, you and the world are one, you are the world, the world is you. This is the self-receiving, self-using awareness. You don't have to do anything. Just sit there and look at the floor or look at the wall. But not doing anything

[33:56]

is a total reversal of our habit. So it's very challenging to be able to actually be that innocent as to just sit. I have a whole bunch of examples, but I will temporarily give them up and entertain those questions which I postponed, if they're still there. Are they still there? They went away? New ones, yes? You said you make the water, the water makes you. And I'm thinking that there are two ways

[34:59]

that you make the water, you make the soup. One is as an example of delusion, the other one is as an example of enlightenment. As an example of delusion would be that you make the water and you self-point towards the person who is there. Right. Right. And even your delusion makes the water. Then the water becomes a tool for delusion because that's the way you choose to use it.

[35:59]

But the water is also, if we use it that way, that's what the water is. So we make it that way too. But that's a deluded way to understand how you make the water. But it can turn there too. Yes. Can always turn. Sorry. Waiting for the time, waiting for the day. You make the sun, the light, the... the way in which you wait and then you... the occurrence of that time. Just a minute. Could you say that more... higher volume? Higher volume? Yes. With many taxes, someday baseball, someday... basketball, it makes it sound like...

[37:01]

when you stop and you start trying to change or searching, waiting for that day, the self is created. It makes it sound like the way that you wait doesn't have anything to do with the baseball game, right? You've never been able to see yourself being created. It seems like there's a magnitude of it in our... Okay. Well, I can use another example. This is something Kafka said, which I've... which I've changed slightly. You don't have to leave your seat. Just sit there and wait. Wait. Don't even wait.

[38:04]

Just listen. Don't even listen. Just be quiet and still. And the world will reveal itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice. It will roll at your feet in ecstasy. So, if I said wait, I don't mean wait. Not even wait. Not even listen. Not even look. If I say look, yes, I say look, but after you look, don't even look. Look at the world and realize it's you. But don't even look as something on top of what you're doing.

[39:07]

When you look, look. But whatever you're doing, whether you're looking, listening, waiting, just be quiet and still. Just, in other words, sit upright. Sit upright means be quiet and still, meaning sit upright means use this opportunity, whatever it is, without anything added to that, use this. And the world will reveal itself to you to be unmasked. In other words, the mask will be taken off the world and you will see that the world is you. And then you will be released from the world and you'll get your wings. And you'll get your voice. And you can fly and sing from that place. That's where then you can go to work

[40:09]

for the universe. So I don't mean wait, like that's something on top of anything or before anything. Or to say there's one time better than another. But I have to recognize that if we're not awake, if we don't have our eyes open, in fact, we don't realize it. We don't see it. So, just sitting upright is what all the Buddhas have done. Not moving is what they've all practiced in order to get a chance to witness this turning, this pivot on the self. They have all practiced self-study. Sometimes I see people at Zen Center, you know, and they're doing very nicely, but I notice sometimes that they do not look at themselves. They're very good at many things, like they're very good at noticing what other people are doing. Or how the food is. Or how the accounts are going.

[41:15]

Or how the flowers are growing. Which is good, but they sometimes do not turn around and look at the self. In other words, they don't realize that they're looking at the self. So when they talk about other people sometimes, there is in the way they talk a tone which makes me want to ask, Oh, do you realize that you're talking about you? And sometimes when I say that, they say, Oh, no, I didn't. I thought I was talking about her. Which is not me. This is delusion. So that's why I mentioned about doksan. Doksan means solitary meeting. You're not going to meet somebody else. You're going to meet, not somebody else. You're going to meet yourself. Because who you see there is just you.

[42:15]

And that person, hopefully, is also just seeing herself. Two people who are just receiving and using themselves, mutually transmit the way of liberation. Yes. Wait a second. This is a question session. Just kidding, and some people got the joke. Looking or seeing. And what occurred to me more is about allowing. To allow dropping to happen

[43:18]

or to allow seeing. That it's not just action thing. And if I make some space to it, then it can sort of come up. The other is about... Can we handle that now? Since we may never get to the other thing. Do you want me to comment on your comment? Comment to what? Good. Anything else? I did good. That's my comment. That took care of that. Now what's next? The baseball that turns into basketball. Excuse me. It doesn't turn into a basketball. It looks like a basketball. In other words, it's easy to see. Because you're paying attention. Okay?

[44:21]

Alright. So maybe where I sometimes lose it is that after... and maybe even I meet the basketball that there's a lot of things in motion. And I can still get strikes out because I didn't move the first thing. And the next thing that happens is the other thing. And if... Well, always series of things are happening one after the other. Yeah? Actually that the realization of that moment isn't such a hindsight. Because otherwise then I move to the next part. So I don't know if...

[45:26]

I mean, there... You noticing a moment of being there is a moment of delusion. So it takes that moment though when you're present. Is that later? I mean, that's the delusion. And then you move back. And that allows you to sit still again. Yeah? Because you fall back into delusion. Sounds like delusion to me. Uh-huh. Yes?

[46:37]

But maybe it's not. It just sounds like it. Yes? I was going to ask a question and immediately I thought how are... How are you doing, Sonia? I think I'm completely in delusion. You do? Are you willing to focus on that? That's the self-receiving samadhi is to focus on delusion. Delusion... In delusion the self is using the self. So if you can see delusion

[47:38]

you're actually focusing on the right area. And to be able to do that with stability and consistency is what's required. Is to have... Is to beam in on delusion. To tune in. I am coming to situations. To tune in on I see something that's not me. To notice that. I do things to something which isn't me. I hit a baseball which isn't me. I talk to somebody who isn't me. This I am involved in delusion. Focus on that. This is the self-receiving and using awareness. However, this is a total reversal of the usual mode of seeing of human beings. It is a total reversal

[48:49]

of my usual way of behaving. And from what I can tell it's a total reversal of everybody that I know's usual way of being. And some people spend actually a significant amount of time in this reversed mode. Which makes me, you know, really, inspires me to see that some people can keep this reversed mode remembering that they're talking about themselves and that what they're seeing is themselves. And when something happens they think now what does this mean about me? Or how is this me? Or what a funny way for me to act. Some people spend a lot of time that way. It's great. This is a self- receiving and enjoying the self-fulfilling Samadhi. So if you can stay with that mode I don't know about Regina

[49:49]

but I would be I'd be happy if you did that a lot. But you know, don't do it just for me. Do it for Regina. And Donald and Mary and Reggie. Do it for Reggie. Is that enough on Sonia for now? Or do you want to talk to her some more? Yes, it's enough. Do you have a question? Yeah, I do. I'm really impressed with people's interpretation of what you're saying because I feel like my mind is like a cartoon where it's very simple so anyway I sort of

[50:54]

when you talk about people there are certain people who are really good at identifying things going on outside themselves like the food and the garbage and things like that the question that came to mind was if the person is so willing to turn towards itself is one of the signs that one is really doing that work that one no longer really notices things outside of oneself because they're really not what's that? That is one of the signs, yeah that you actually don't see things outside yourself that you don't think they're outside yourself is one of the signs that's one of them

[51:58]

that you're doing the work so I told the story about this guy that I used to be I was sitting in the Zendo at Payne Street and we had these white walls and they had these it's stucco, kind of got all these little dots on it so you sit there for a week and the walls have these little cartoon shows on them these people running all over hi, hi in other words you know, anyway I don't know how they do that they have this show on the wall and it gets more and more intense as the session goes on and tends to cool off towards the end of session but about the fourth and fifth day not the sixth so much but fourth and fifth it's just very hectic on the wall there which is also somewhat enjoyable actually seeing these for some reason or other innumerable faces, I don't know why but faces on the wall, of all things

[53:00]

I almost never see like elbows or you know private parts or you know, toes or old shoes occasionally an old shoe but you know, mostly it's faces all kinds of faces my face sees faces, isn't that funny? and eyes, my eyes see eyes when my eyes are shut however, they don't see eyes funny, huh? anyway, so I see these faces I get up from my seat and I'm doing qin he in Chinese style and I'm looking ahead you know and at the end of the row there's a window it's called it's called window number one and it was open and it opened and made a little opening about this big and through that opening you can see the building across the street 294 page and over the deck of 294 page

[54:02]

and then there's a little space between the next building and Oakland home of Reggie Jackson I couldn't see Reggie Jackson but I did see like some skyscrapers over in Oakland just see that little crack Oakland and I thought I'm Oakland and I was really surprised because I never thought I was Oakland before I never thought I was San Francisco either by the way I never thought I was Reggie Jackson but I definitely just like that I said I'm Oakland looking at the wall I didn't particularly notice that I thought I was the wall of course I was the wall I mean but it didn't strike me I was the wall even though I had this very intimate relationship with the wall it didn't impress me but when I saw Oakland all of a sudden

[55:02]

it was like the wall I was intimate with Oakland so intimate that I said it came up I was Oakland and you know that has had some lasting effect on my relationship with Oakland that's a sign that I was doing my homework however it isn't always that way it also can be a sign that you're doing work to look out the window and see Oakland and say I'm not Oakland that's also a sign in fact I usually think I'm not Oakland but don't notice that I don't think I'm Oakland I usually think I'm going to Oakland I'm going to Berkeley I'm going to San Francisco I think that way that means I don't think I'm Oakland that means I think that I'm here and Oakland's there and I'm going to Oakland and I'm going to do Oakland let's do an A's game let's go and practice and confirm baseball we do that all the time but we don't think

[56:07]

this is delusion to notice this to catch yourself that I'm going to do church I'm going to do Zazen I'm going to do baseball I'm going to do lunch so this new expression like let's do lunch right that should be a signal to you delusion I, we do lunch rather than lunch makes us lunch makes us but you're doing the work if you notice that I do the garden I do lunch I do a conversation, I do Zazen if you catch that you're doing that and notice that's delusion that's the work too you may not have flipped around for the work to do you yet and when there's nothing out there but it's the same work it's just as good, it's the same place and you just keep turning in that place turning in that place and pretty soon it's going to get real big and it's going to say boom guess what this is

[57:07]

this is the world making you this is life making you and you making life that will happen too it's in the same place it's a hair's breadth deviation away tune in to delusion enlightenment's right there don't turn in to delusion you're out to lunch you cannot turn in to enlightenment because it's not out there to turn in to but you can tune in to delusion that is possible because that's what delusion is is you turning in tuning in to something or you're turning in to something or you're doing something, that is delusion if you notice that you're on the right station you're on the self enjoyment self fulfillment samadhi station and eventually someone will come on

[58:08]

the station and say something quite surprising to you I don't know what it will be but it will tip you upside down and shake you out so I won't read the Wallace Stevens poem I won't read it Landscape with a Boat I won't read I'll read it when you're here since this is her book and I'm her he wrote a book, a poem called Landscape with a Boat

[59:10]

apropos of this see I have these glasses, right now these glasses the glass is falling out of the glasses so that allows me to keep trying to put them back in and not only that but I haven't had these glasses for very long and I kind of don't know how to wear them or when to wear them like for example when I put them on like this I can see better but then I can't see my what my notes are, plus if I put them on this way there's a good chance the glass is going to pop out and break so I'm having some adjustment problems to these glasses, and why am I having adjustment problems to these glasses, because I haven't been wearing them very long, and why haven't I been wearing them very long because I used to be younger than I am now and my eyes were different, in other words the reason why I'm having adjustment problems is because I'm changing I'm getting older and that's embarrassing because it points out to the fact of a self

[60:15]

as you get older, noticing that you're getting older also is part of the work noticing that you're rotting and you're losing your sense capacities is part of the work because it makes you aware of the self death, think about death as a way to practice self-awareness, constant mindfulness of death is a self-enjoyment samadhi, is a self-embarrassment awareness yes? How's your heart? How's my heart? The asthmatic pressure has been pretty much balanced your heart is the same size as mine now pretty much, some of you are your heart is slightly bigger or smaller than mine, but you know basically you people have lined up with me You know when you used you first mentioned to us how your heart felt like it was a piece of beach ball maybe and I said, first I was going to say basketball

[61:18]

but I changed it to beach ball in honor of Leslie Leslie, Miss Leslie Nevertheless, when you did that and then when you brought up the Reggie Jackson example of basketball, somehow it clicked those two examples and I thought, huh maybe that's what your heart is that's right, that's what it was you got it, see, because I was out there I was out there I was out there I was out there, I was out there coming in here and I wanted to tell you a story about Reggie Jackson but you know, you weren't ready for it so I had to get ready I was full of Reggie Jackson so I was, you know, too much pressure in here I didn't want to like come in and hit a home run right like that also you know that song when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pizza pie, that's amore you know that one? same thing, right? same thing now

[62:18]

the kitchen's gone but I want to make clear maybe I'll say it again for them taking care of the food and taking care of the garden you know that also can be the self-fulfillment samadhi the self-enjoyment the self-receiving samadhi doesn't mean we shouldn't do this work it's just that like, what is it? that story of George Washington Carver you know him? you know George Washington Carver? no, he's American botanist a black man and he grew up very poor on a poor farm and in an unused part of his farm he made a little greenhouse when he was a little boy and he would bring all sick plants he would find he would bring them to his greenhouse

[63:20]

and make them healthy and the ladies in the area heard about him and they would bring him all their sick plants and he would make them well and give them back and they said, well how do you little boy, how do you make these plants well? and he said all the flowers talk to me and so do hundreds of little living things in the woods I learn what I know by watching and loving everything so this kind of gardening or this kind of kitchen work you know it's a self receiving samadhi too, the foods talking to you the foods you

[64:22]

lunch is you lunch makes you the plants are you you don't love objects you don't go around and say a beautiful plant good food I say beautiful plant they make you, the plants make you when the plants make you you love the plants in other words, this love is objectless, it doesn't have an object or if it does have an object you confess your delusion that the plants are an object you confess your delusion that the food is an object the grounds are the objects, the people are objects that's delusion you confess it buddhists confess this this delusion is the basis of our life

[65:24]

it's very deep this is the radical evil radical sin that we do this it's deeply ground into our nervous system to think that that's not me or to think that I'm something outside the situation deeply more water more water don't worry I'm going to stop somebody asked Goethe you know Goethe did I say it right somebody asked Goethe what's sin and Goethe said what's sin for you and he said same as for anybody else whatever you can't stop doing so we should love sin

[66:41]

because we can't stop doing it we should be polite to sin we can't stop doing it let it come in oh here's sin, here's delusion hello delusion, please sit down show me your, show me tell me about yourself oh really, oh I see ok good, thank you see you later oh next sin next delusion oh yes we learn from this sin which we can't stop doing this is what's giving us lots of examples enlightenment is not an example delusion is what we get the examples of and we can't stop doing it so since we've got lots of material, why don't we learn from it all the little living things teach us ok yes

[67:45]

no it's not that easy to just invite delusion in and say hello have a cup of tea sometimes delusion is quite a scary beast or quite a delectable beast let me in and I'm going like no fucking way the only reason why it bangs so hard is because you're not letting it in it doesn't bang hard it actually comes in really easily and smoothly all the time without you saying anything the only time it gets rough like that is when you don't pay attention to it for a long time and actually not paying attention to it isn't even enough by pushing it away and saying you're not deluded just say you're not deluded for a while I'm not deluded? yeah get into that one and then it'll start banging on your door with you know like all kinds of pounding will happen upon

[68:47]

us for you like yesterday I thought I was kind of embarrassed about this session I thought oh my god I hope nobody finds out about this easy session we set up so easy you know like there's no more than two periods of Zazen in a row can you believe this? we used to have five or six we could have had six in this session just take out the exercise period and put two periods of Zazen in there we'd have had six periods in the afternoon now that wouldn't have been so easy right? wouldn't that have been kind of challenging in the afternoon when the sun's up nice sunny outside you're sitting here one two three four five six dinner but we didn't have that we had two periods and some people don't even come to both of those and then we have an exercise period I was embarrassed when I thought of somebody finding out about this I thought so easy but then right after I thought that we had lunch and I had a hard time

[69:48]

so if you think you're not deluded then it pounds hard if you think it's too easy you don't need to see your therapist anymore okay yeah okay thank you but it's good to say that kind of stuff actually in a way you know change of pace if you want a little challenge just say that stuff say you don't have back problems anymore okay that's when it's easy but it's all the other times sneaking in there just like getting in there those are the multitude of examples so don't miss those and be grateful for when it's really pounding intervention time for you intervention time you didn't think

[70:55]

you had any problems you thought your alcohol was going to protect you from your suffering well it didn't did it it wasn't that good after all was it that's the nice thing about life is it it's really it really is stronger than denial denial although denial is powerful we should honor it constantly I honor denial I'm in denial I know I'm in denial I mean I know I don't even admit how in denial I am I'm in denial about my denial yes I know it's true because life is so wonderful because life is endless yes you can spend your life you can use your life to spend a lot of time admitting you're in denial

[71:55]

don't worry it's not going to use your life up life is infinite so use a lot of your life to notice that you're deluded just noticing that you're deluded and particularly this particular type of delusion of self separate from things noticing that delusion that's the criteria that's the characteristic that's the standard of zazen that's the standard of the wonderful dharma of the buddhas that's what buddhas are noticing and they notice it so fully that it keeps turning into a pizza pie it turns into their love and they love everything because they know that's them they know that we

[72:58]

are their body so they have no what do you call it they'll do anything for us because they know we're them enlightened self interest it's called see I'm full of it, I'm sorry you know that guy named Adam Smith he said you know if there's something in it for the self, you can get people to do practically anything, I mean they'll work themselves to the bone for themselves but if it's not, if there's no self in it, no self interest in it you can't get them to do anything really except by beating them and then as soon as you stop they'll lay off but if there's something in it for them, boy they can do fantastic things once you realize that the whole world

[74:00]

is you you have infinite energy to help it to forgive it for being this way because it's you and so on however when Mio was patting Jim excuse me when Reverend Mio was patting Reverend Jim I mean Reverend Ike when he was patting him and saying is it okay to do that, is it too much to say you're me or I'm you this kind of friendly interaction you should be careful of though why? why? what's the reason? I forgot it, but what's the reason? because people aren't us

[75:01]

because people aren't us and also enlightened self-interest one thing that that Adam Smith did ten years before he wrote The Wealth of Nations he wrote another book about moral philosophy and the key to his moral philosophy was to be sensitive to the fact that other people are suffering and if you realize other people are you you have tremendous energy to help them but you should also understand that while you're helping them and while you have no restriction in wanting to love them and embrace them and put makeup on their face or dress them up pretty or get them to go on a diet or get them to do well in school or take them to the supermarket all these wonderful things you want to do for them

[76:02]

you should remember also that they may be and probably are in pain so they may not be ready for this so if you slap them on the back out of love it might not be appropriate that's also part of remembering the person is you is to remember they may be in pain like you even though you just got liberated from yours by realizing that they're you so it's subtle that's why when I come in the room I have to be careful and my chest actually kindly restrains me for a little while from expressing this thing before you have told me that you're ready for it usually people

[77:10]

usually people say to me what I hear mostly is people say to me can I hug you they say to me I almost never say to somebody can I hug you it's because of my position often many times I hear is it okay to hug an abbot they say so people say can I hug you and I almost always say yes except in Doksan because there's nobody there and one time I was talking to a young man and he was really he was you know we had this talk and afterwards I felt like it would be good to hug him so I hugged him and then a couple days later he said you know in the future you should ask me before you hug me and it really hurt me when he said that because I thought he was a suffering kid

[78:13]

I just wanted to give him some support it really hurt me that he said that but he had been abused you know by his father sexually abused by his father so when a man hugs him it can be really violating so my feeling was you know to help him and embrace him but actually I should ask him first so it's you know that's part of it too that you can disturb people with your love and the fact that they're you doesn't mean that you don't ask them how they're doing or what's okay excuse me for

[79:17]

carrying on so long please thank you I vow

[80:19]

to save them the illusions are inexhaustible I vow to end them now my gates are boundless I vow to enter them through the levels of spades unsurpassable I vow to become them

[80:44]

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