and all other things are walking back and forth, appearing and disappearing at the threshold where the two worlds meet, the world of dharma and the world of self. These two worlds are really united, but there seems to be a gate in the middle of these worlds separating them. But the place where they're separated is also the place where they're joined.

[01:10]

This wound in the world, in the total world, is also the place where the world is healed. We sit on this wound. We sit with this wound. And the way of healing, the way of peacefully contemplating this wound and thereby healing it, is all pervasive but a moment's reflection

[02:51]

initiates eons of migration through birth and death. And the failure to completely settle with the peaceful mind of Buddha comes from our unwillingness to stop deliberating. Our unwillingness to be upright with what's happening. As someone came to see me

[03:55]

A hundred year old woman came to see me and I said, how are you feeling? She said, anxious. And the way she said it, I thought she looked a little embarrassed. It wasn't when she said, I'm anxious. She didn't look proud. She looked a little embarrassed. She winced a little bit when she said it. So I said, you looked a little embarrassed. And she said, well, I am a little embarrassed. I think she was a little embarrassed because she had recently gone over the line and entered the gate a little bit, I think, or got a glimpse of the spacious world of the unknown, the inconceivable world where nobody's lost.

[05:36]

because nobody knows where they're going. And she'd just come back, and when she came back she felt anxiety again. But when I saw that embarrassment in her face, I thought, the difference between us and Shakyamuni Buddha when he was enlightened was that he got over his embarrassment about his anxiety. He entered the samadhi of anxiety completely. The Buddha was embarrassed. He said so. One time he was with some old sick people, and he said, in my father's house I was very comfortable.

[06:50]

My father made me so comfortable. And when I saw, when I see old people, or when I saw old people and sick people, I felt uncomfortable. just like an ordinary person. I didn't like seeing these old, sick, sickly and dying people. I'm ashamed." But he finally got over his embarrassment and just admitted that he didn't like it, and he settled all the way into being somebody who a little bit doesn't like the rotting side of things. And he's settled all the way. And settling all the way with what's happening is the gate to the mind which has no abode.

[08:07]

And it is also the mind which has no abode. Being willing to settle with the world as it's given to us is because we're willing to have this abode temporarily. And if we don't settle here and take up abode here and dwell here in this breath, in this pain, then we can settle in the next pain. Not settle like dwell, but accept. And if we can accept the pain without camping out, we can accept the next pain. and the next pain. And when we do this thoroughly, we enter the spacious realm of the unknown.

[09:18]

And because we're in the inconceivable and the unknown, we can't have anxiety anymore. But again, as soon as a slight bit of deliberation arises, we're thrown out and back into the world of anxiety. But again, if we can be one with that anxiety, we're readmitted to the Dharma world. To work with whatever is happening is selfless and upright.

[10:26]

This woman who, this old woman who was anxious, she said that I talked about no indulgence, but she said, also, that would mean no denial. And I said, yes, that's right. So whatever's happening, you don't indulge in it or deny it. This is the selfless way to be with what's happening. You don't esteem or despise it. You don't esteem and despise what you know, and you don't esteem or despise the unknown. You don't esteem or despise spacious liberation. If you do, then you'll be thrown back into kinky bondage.

[11:32]

But again, if you don't esteem or despise that, you'll be liberated on the spot. Then again, even though you're liberated on the spot, as it says in the morning chant, Suppose one gains pride of understanding and inflates one's own enlightenment, glimpsing the wisdom that runs through all things, attaining the way and clarifying the mind, raising an aspiration to escalate the very sky.

[12:37]

One is making the initial partial excursions around the entrance, but is still somewhat deficient in the way of total emancipation. So even though you have a glimpse, you must continue to be upright and not esteem your entry into Dharma. So on one side of the gate, witnessing and acting on all things with the burden of one self is, quote, delusion.

[14:08]

carrying oneself and witnessing and acting on everything that's happening, that's what we call delusion. We say call delusion because there is no such thing as delusion. So we don't say that is delusion, like there really is such a thing. But if you want to know what we call delusion, that's what it is. to carry oneself and then witness and act. But when all things come forward, in the advent of all things, to then, as all things are coming forward, to witness oneself. and to act from that one self is enlightenment.

[15:23]

When all things are advancing forth, to carry, when myriad things are coming forth, to carry myriad selves would be enlightenment. almost, but not quite. It would be when myriad things come forward and you carry all of them and you watch all of them turn into one. When you watch all selves turn into one self. Finally, in enlightenment and delusion there's one thing in common and that one thing is self, is one self. There is one self in enlightenment and delusion. That's the place they meet. When they meet, Buddhahood is spontaneously realized.

[16:39]

Before that, it is not. The hard work is letting that one self be a one self with all things coming forward. The way our mind usually works is that in all the different realms of our consciousness we are aware of an object We are aware of a content of consciousness. But we are not aware of the act of consciousness itself. We are not aware of the activity of consciousness.

[17:43]

To be aware of the object of consciousness is to have a self and to witness things. To have a self and witness things and act from that. but we are not aware of the activity by which we are able to be aware and witness. Because the activity of witnessing, the activity of being aware is a world activity. The activity of being able to think is given by the advent of all things.

[18:59]

If you excuse me for saying so, it is a world class act. You could even say it is a world class action. Our thinking is the world's suit. in this world. We are the way the world asserts and expresses itself. Our thinking, our activity of thinking is a servant of the entire world. And everybody's thinking is a world-class action. But we take this action as our own. And by taking it as our own, we put a veil over the world.

[20:07]

We put a veil over how the world comes forth and realizes us. we cover it by our possessiveness. In order to lift this veil, we have to start thinking on the side of the advent of all things. This is learning the backward step. And the way to make the switch, again, is just to be upright and watch how all things come forward every moment. Witnessing and acting on oneself that appears in the coming forth of everything in the world

[21:19]

We lift the veil by thinking on the side of the myriad things that come forth. Our thinking is the arrival of the world, and the world which is arriving is non-thinking things. Thinking of the arrival of things is thinking of the not thinking. Non-thinking is to witness the thinking in the arrival of all things. And again, if you think you can think of it on purpose, That's not the way. The way is simply be upright and don't indulge or deny and you will naturally see this.

[22:30]

When you see it, then again, there will be a tendency to inflate this and say it's mine and cover it and be thrown back into anxiety again. If that happens, again you are quiet and upright with that, admit it, and you're back on the path. So you have pain, And your pain is the best example you have now of the world that's given to you.

[23:35]

You didn't ask for it. It's not necessarily even the type of pain that you would like. But anyway, it is the pain that's being given to you by the entire world. To be upright with this pain is the gate to the world of creation, to the world of Dharma, to the world of liberation. It's the gate to the world where the one self, where the one self will be fulfilled by everything.

[24:49]

Where the one self will be fulfilled, but actually it's more like there will be everything and then there will be one self. And by happening that way, you'll understand how full the self is. meantime and at the same time, before entering and after entering, there will be some rejection or grasping of what appears. When either of those tendencies of mind appear or seem to manifest, simply recover and don't do it again.

[26:04]

Simply admit what's happening and that's not repeating it. This is the power of repentance. This is the pure and simple color of true practice. To enter the world of Dharma and say, and then what, is quite common. Now I'm here. Now what? Quite common. It's okay. And I think, and then what means, and then what am I supposed to do?

[27:14]

Or, and now what's going to happen to me? It's not really, and then what's going to happen over there? If you really want to know what's going to happen over there, you wouldn't be asking, you'd just look. When you enter, if you want to know what's going on, just look and you'll see. That's it. But some special interest still can reemerge after entry and then what we really mean is, now what am I supposed to do? Or can I still do my old thing? Or what's going to happen to me?" That's what the question is. Because when you look around in the new world, you can't see what's...it doesn't say what's going to happen to you. What it says is what's happening. And if you really want to know, it's right there. That's the answer. So the real question you wouldn't even ask.

[28:19]

Once you enter, you wouldn't even ask because there would be. But from the selfish point of view, you want to know. So you ask, and then you're out again. If you confess it, that's the practice. When you confess it, you're back in. Now, the next time you come in, On your way in, you can remind yourself, now don't ask what's going to happen again. Just be quiet. Just be quiet. Don't say anything unless when you get there, what's happening is that there's something to be said. When I get there with you, if you ask me if I have a question, I don't.

[29:25]

Necessarily, and I usually don't. But as soon as you say something, I have a question. As soon as you say something, I wonder, what does that mean? As soon as you say something, there's something for me to say. And it's not, and then what? It's, what's that? What's that? And it's not personal. I have to ask it. And it's a continuous working with what just happened to come up. And sometimes what I'm asking about is painful and sometimes it's pleasurable and sometimes it's neither. But I have to ask. And I don't do it because I thought I was going to have to. I just, it just comes because you say something. But I actually have no questions about the unknown.

[30:36]

I don't. If you ask me if I do, I'm a little embarrassed that I don't. But that's where I'm at. That's where I'm at. But as soon as you give something, there's something to say. And that should be said. That should be said. Please say it. And if you say it because it's to be said, it's not that you are there saying something about what's happening. It's that what's happening causes there to be something to say. that the world is thinking and speaking and posturing through you. Outside the gate, I sit.

[31:39]

I think, I talk. And if you practice meditation outside the gate that way, and you practice and you practice and you practice, the wholesomeness of sitting, of you sitting, of you sitting with good intentions, with compassionate motivation, the wholesomeness of that accumulates and accumulates and accumulates until finally you're so thoroughly sitting there that there's just sitting and not you sitting. And then you enter. and the self is dropped off, the practice becomes selfless, becomes truly upright. And that becomes then Buddhist meditation, Dharma meditation, Sangha meditation. And that meditation is no longer yours,

[32:45]

That meditation is the world's meditation. And the world's meditation comes forth as you. One self. Sitting. How does that song go? Little Jack Horner sat in the corner eating what? Eating curds and whey? No. We'll do that one later. Little Jack Horner sat in the corner eating cherry pie? Christmas pie. Little Jack Horner sat in the corner eating Christmas pie or his Christmas pie? His? A or his? There's two schools, his and A school. His school, a school. Anyway, little Jack Horner sat in a corner eating blank Christmas pie.

[33:51]

He stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum and said, what a good boy am I? Is that what he said? What a good boy am I. How did that happen? I'm in the corner. I got the pie. I'm here. Got the pie in the corner. All that's happening now. Stick the thumb in. And out comes the plum. Or the whatever. Plum. Plum thumb. And now what a good boy am I. Now that can be in the Dharma realm. If you can see, you know, all this stuff, pie, body, mind, breath, jack, corner, Christmas, okay, now, thumb in pie, now here comes the thumb, there's a plum on the thumb, and then, let's have something, what are we going to say now?

[35:11]

Okay. Okay. What a good boy am I. Where'd that come from? The other way is I'm in the corner. The other way, here I am, and now I've got a corner. And I'm going to do something over there in the corner. Give me the pie. Give me the pie. All right. Now, stick the thumb in. I'm going to stick a thumb in and pull something out there, maybe. Okay, a thumb. Okay, now I'm good for doing that. That's very similar to the other one, isn't it? Perfectly meaning, what's the difference between It's a simple difference that all the way through up until pulling this thumb out and realizing enlightenment, there is only the thinking on the side of the pie and Christmas and Jack and Horner and Little and Corner and all that stuff.

[36:33]

There's all that stuff. That's what the thinking is. That's what makes the thinking. All those things, I'm thinking of all those things which aren't thinking. That's the thinking. In other words, I'm just being upright with all that stuff. And then at the last second, there's a self, a good boy, am I. But if you, a slight, a slight deliberation on that at any point in the process, even at the end, a slight deliberation, and you're thrown into eons of migration. You're thrown into turbulence, into chaos, into misery. And there's no way to tell the difference between the misery and the freedom. There's nothing about them by which they would be any different.

[37:34]

It's just that if you vibrate a little bit, you're thrown into the world of selfish plumb-sticking. Or if you stop vibrating, if you stop not vibrating, if you stop deliberating, which means you just be upright, which means the self drops away, it's the same world, the same world, the same world. As a matter of fact, it is now really the world. is now really the world coming to create this person with a thumb and a plum. So when

[38:40]

Luo Shan went to Yantou and said, in this world of unceasing, arising and vanishing, pies and plums and people coming up and going down all the time, People rushing by, to and fro. Worlds in change. In this world, how about it? So, what is that question when it's an upright question? When you're watching things come up, When you're watching your pain go up and go away, it does go away. Of course, it comes up again real quick. But anyway, it comes up and goes away. There's a pulse in it. That's why you should keep breathing while you're in pain, because you can feel.

[39:50]

The pain doesn't just turn on and stay on. It's not a pedal point. It has a rhythm. It pulses with your heart and your breath. Sometimes it gets louder, boom, boom, boom, boom. Sometimes it gets quieter, but it's a pulse. It arises and vanishes nonstop, unceasing. How about it? What's the upright how about it? What's the how about it which is not, how about it, how am I going to get rid of it? What's the how about it, how am I going to get control of it? Not, how about my arising and ceasing? How about this object arising and ceasing? How about, how about, how about?

[40:51]

And that's it. With no agenda. Or, if there is an agenda, you realize that's a mistake. I confess it. You're back on. How about? How about unceasing arising and vanishing of pain? How about that? Really, just how about it? Really, just what is it? Not what is it like, I want to get rid of it, what is it? But what is it? What is the world coming to be? What is the world coming to be? Really, that's what I want to know. I really want to know that. I want to know that. And I don't want to know it for any other reason than I want to know that. And I don't even want to know it. I just want to ask, what is it? I want to be what is it. I don't want to be what is it to get an answer even. Just what is it? And... He was a little off in the way he asked that.

[41:52]

So Yanto says, who's arising and vanishing? He was a little bit into, what's my arising and vanishing? What's arising and vanishing got to do for me? What's it going to do for me? What's it going to do against me? Who's arising and vanishing? At that time in the Tang Dynasty, when that Zen monk said to the other Zen monk, who's arising and vanishing? Luo Shan sat up straight and entered into unselfish practice. And he saw the coming forth of all things. He saw his self in the advent of arising and vanishing. And he became then the Sangha for us, a jewel in our Sangha.

[42:55]

And we take refuge in the Sangha. We take refuge in Luosan's uprightness, in his dropping away a body and mind and just saying and hearing who's a rising and vanishing of pain, of birth and death. I want to tell you a long story now It's a hundred-page story. It's about a she-wolf, a pregnant female, well, pregnant wolf.

[43:59]

She was a citizen of the Western Hemisphere. She mostly hung out in the Mexican mountains. But sometimes she ran over to New Mexico and gobbled up American beef. But the problem with wolves is that, for safety's sake, they don't stay and eat the whole cow. There's too much for them to eat, right? So they just eat enough to sustain themselves and feed their puppies in their gut or outside And then they run away because the cattle people will be waiting for them to come back for seconds. So they don't want that to happen. So that's unfortunate, but that's the way they do it. If there were smaller animals available, they could eat them too, but sometimes there's not them available, so they eat the big ones. And the she-wolf could eat anything, probably.

[45:08]

It's an extremely powerful carnivore. Like it or not, anyway, she thrived on blood. This young boy, not young, 17-year-old boy, went out on behalf of his family, his father and mother and brother, to try to trap this wolf. And so there's 100 pages of him trying to trap this wolf. And finally he caught her. She was very smart, but he managed to catch her. And he didn't know exactly what he was going to do when he caught her. He hadn't thought it through carefully. He vaguely thought he would catch her and bring her home and then collect the bounty or whatever, because lots of ranchers wanted this wolf taken out of action.

[46:14]

But of course, in the process of catching her, he came to respect her intelligence greatly. You know, if somebody was trying to trap you, if some of these trappers were trying to trap you or me, they probably would catch us pretty easily. If they knew where we were going to walk and they put these traps under the ground, in the snow, in the mountains, or certain other places. If they put some traps near campfires or other good places to camp, we'd probably get caught. But wolves, especially this wolf, knew about traps and it was more hard to catch than a person. So it's not that people are smarter than wolves that you can catch wolves. You can catch people too. People are probably easy to catch in traps. Part of the reason why people ride horses in that country is so their horses will get caught instead of them.

[47:19]

And horses do get caught in the traps. Anyway, he caught the wolf, but he knew the reason why he caught her was not because he was smarter than her. They were equal intelligence, at least around traps. He caught her and then I don't remember exactly, but he managed to get her in tow somehow by very skillfully tying her up in various ways, but she could still walk. And he also had to give her some first aid for her wound that was created by the trap. And he and his horse and the wolf started walking someplace. He didn't know exactly where, but finally he started walking back towards Mexico. And you could see that he was gradually understanding that he didn't want to kill the boys and truck drivers who would see him with the wolf.

[48:21]

And, of course, people would be very shocked and frightened to see this animal. And little by little, when people asked... I don't remember what he said at first, but after a while when people asked him, what he was going to do with the wolf, he stopped saying, I don't know, and started saying that this wolf was given to me. I'm caring for this wolf for someone else. Someone has put this wolf in my care, and I must return this wolf to this person. It was kind of an excuse for why many people wanted to buy the wolf from him so they could have the pelt And more and more it became clear and he became more and more certain that what he was doing was that no one could have this wolf because this wolf had been given to him by someone else and he had to take care of this wolf and he had to return this wolf to its owner.

[49:26]

Finally he ran into a big gang of Mexican I don't know what, deputies of something like a sheriff, and they took the wolf away from him. And he was very strong and told them that really they should give the wolf back because it wasn't his and they couldn't pay him for it. They wanted to pay him for it, but he wouldn't accept the money. He just said, I don't want the money, I want the wolf. I've got to take the wolf back to this person who entrusted the wolf to me. Anyway, these people didn't listen to him. And finally what they did with the wolf is they took the wolf to a place where they have dog fights. And they had dogs come out in teams to fight the wolf, the pregnant wolf. They chained her up and then had dogs come at her. She fought dog after dog. She fought 30 dogs. and defeated them all, even while being chained up.

[50:41]

And finally the last two dogs, after she had been ravaged by this battle with all these dogs, the last two dogs were Airedales, fresh Airedales. And Airedales are pretty big dogs and they're trained, they're bred to fight bears. And finally the boy just came up to the scene and shot the wolf so that he wouldn't be torn to shred by the Airedales, because she had gotten very weak after fighting 30 other dogs. And the Mexicans were going to kill him for doing that, but then the sheriff intervened and realized that it was over. And he took the wolf, the dead wolf with him, with the puppies inside, and left. So I'm just going to read to you the last part of this story.

[51:45]

So he's riding with the wolf on his, he's got the wolf, he's riding with his horse. The night was clear as he rode. The moon dropped under the rim of the mountains and the stars began to come up in the east where it was darkest. They rode up the dry course of a creep bed in the night, in a night suddenly colder, as if the moon had had warmth to it. The night was clear, and as he rode, the moon dropped under the rim of the mountain, and the stars began to come up in the east where it was darkest.

[53:07]

They rode up the dry course of a creek bed in a night suddenly colder as if the moon had had warmth in it. up through the low hills where he would ride all night, singing softly as he rode. By the time he reached the first talus slides under the tall escarpment of the pilares, the dawn was not quite far to come. He reined the horses in a grassy swale and stood down and dropped the reins. His trousers were stiff with blood. He cradled the wolf in his arms and lowered her to the ground.

[54:24]

and unfolded the sheet she was wrapped in. She was stiff and cold, and her fur was bristly with the blood dried upon it. He walked the horse back to the creek and left it standing to water and scouted the banks for wood with which to make a fire. Coyotes were yapping along the hills to the south, and they were calling from the dark shapes of the rimlands above him. where their cries seemed to have no origin other than the night itself. He got the fire going and lifted the wolf from the sheet and took the sheet to the creek and crouched in the dark and washed the blood out of it and brought it back

[55:49]

And he cut forked sticks from mountain hackberry and drove them into the ground with a rock and hung the sheet from the trestle pole where it steamed in the firelight. like a burning scrim standing in the wilderness where celebrants of some sacred passion had been carried off by rival sects or perhaps had simply fled in the night at fear of their own doing. He pulled the blankets around his shoulders and sat shivering in the cold and waited for dawn that he could see and find a place where he could bury the wolf. After a while the horse came up from the creek trailing wet rains through the leaves and stood at the edge of the fire.

[56:53]

He fell asleep with his hands palm up before him like some dozing meditator. When he woke, it was still dark. The fire had dried, had died to a few low flames seething over the coals. He took off his hat and fanned the fire with it and coaxed it back and fed it wood he'd gathered. He looked for the horse but could not see it. The coyotes were still calling along the stone ramparts of the Pilares, and it was graying faintly in the east. He squatted over the wolf and touched her fur. He touched the cold and perfect teeth.

[58:02]

The eye turned toward the fire, gave back no light. He closed it with his thumb and sat by her and put his hand upon her bloodied forehead and closed his own eyes that he could see her. running in the mountains, running in the starlight. Or the grass was wet and the sun's coming as yet not undone. the rich matrix of the creatures passed in the night before her.

[59:16]

The deer and the hare and the dove and the ground vole all richly impaled on the air for her delight. All nations possible world ordained by God of which she was one and not separate from. Where she ran, the cries of the coyotes clapped shut as if a door had closed upon them. and all was fear and marvel. Where she ran, the cries of the coyotes clapped shut as if a door had closed upon them and all was fear and marvel.

[60:29]

He took up her stiff head out of the leaves and held it, or he reached to hold what cannot be held, what already ran among the mountains, at once terrible and of great beauty, like flowers that fed on flesh. What blood and bone are made, a butt can themselves not make on any altar, nor by any wound war. What we may well believe has power to cut and shape and hollow out the dark form of the world, surely if wind can, if rain can.

[61:46]

But which cannot be held, never be held, and is no flower, but is swift and a huntress, And the wind itself is in terror of it. And the world cannot lose it. Very intentional.

[62:44]

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