I have mentioned that when we do a ceremony to open the eyes of a statue of Buddha or some bodhisattva like this bodhisattva, Earth Store Bodhisattva, or Manjushri Bodhisattva, when we open the eyes in the ceremony, we chant a little bit of scripture. over and over. And that little bit of scripture is eyes of compassion observing sentient beings assembles an ocean of blessing or happiness beyond measure. So the beginning or the opening or the arousing of the path of development of happiness and freedom is initiated by great compassion.

[01:25]

Great compassion is the way that the inherent nature of all beings is opened. After being aroused, after being awakened in this way, then beings can begin to develop the aspiration for enlightenment. And today I'd like to talk about the aspiration. for enlightenment. Many people come to Zen Center and after being around for a little while, when they occasionally hear the word enlightenment, they sometimes say, well actually that's a little too lofty for me.

[02:36]

I can understand compassion and I can I can dedicate myself, I can devote my life to developing compassion, but enlightenment sounds too special, too high. But I have noticed that it is mentioned over and over that for these beings called enlightening beings, these beings who are dedicated to the one thing of compassion. the one practice of compassion, that's their main practice, that the way that they do that practice is by thinking about enlightenment all the time.

[03:53]

That the compassionate beings are not necessarily thinking about compassion. Rather, they think about enlightenment. Their only concern is compassion, but their orientation is only towards enlightenment. I think some people are surprised by that. So again, the beings who vow to live for the benefit of others are also vowing to constantly, unwaveringly, to be oriented towards supreme enlightenment. I could make many reasons for that. One being simply that although we may dedicate ourselves and vow to live for the welfare of all beings and to develop great compassion, it is also apparently so that we are caught in discriminations.

[05:24]

For example, we discriminate between enlightenment and delusions. and we discriminate between self and other, and that we actually are somewhat hindered by these discriminations. We believe in them. And because of this hindrance, it's hard for us to realize great compassion. So we are encouraged to orient ourselves towards a mind which is prior to the discrimination or the distinction between delusion and enlightenment. To orient towards a mind that is prior between the distinction or more fundamental than the distinction between self and other.

[06:31]

good and bad, and so on. In other words, we need to aspire, if we wish to develop compassion, we need to aspire to enlightenment. And not a little bit of enlightenment, but supreme enlightenment. Enlightenment which has an infinite scope, which is the enlightenment that is the seed of universal compassion. So it is compassion that awakens the seed of enlightenment, and it is enlightenment which is the seed of compassion. So if we wish to develop

[07:33]

fully our ability to be compassionate, we also need to aspire to this enlightenment. Now maybe I didn't need to say that, but I thought maybe I did. So I did. I don't know if you're convinced, but I'd like to just try to talk a little bit about the aspiration. And although many distinctions can be made about the aspiration for enlightenment, I'd like to talk about the distinction between a kind of tentative or initial aspiration, or opening aspiration, and the real aspiration. The initial aspiration is born when we begin to see how frail and transient and impermanent our life is and others' lives are.

[08:46]

When we start to see how the world is changing, how the world of things, where there's you, me, the thing called you, and the thing called me, how this world of things is constantly changing, undependable, fleeting. And it is a world where we make things things. Things are made by our process of perception. By the way we see things, we make what's happening into individual things separate from each other. And we do that either, you could say, partly so that we can get a hold of things, or you can say that we make this discrimination and then we can get hold of things. Anyway, for us to manipulate and grasp and hold onto and attach to things, we have to make them limited.

[09:52]

And we do. And because we make them limited and grasp onto them, they can't last. And so they're constantly being torn from our little hands, and we suffer because we're frustrated all the time by the limited things which we're holding onto. Seeing this world of impermanence and clinging, clinging and impermanence and misery, the aspiration to become enlightened is born. and one is willing to give up this world or wants to give up this world. But this is not the real aspiration for enlightenment. However, it's a necessary first step for most of us. So Buddhist teachers do mention quite frequently that everything's fleeting and transient and we better get to work here.

[11:00]

Some people go from that kind of aspiration for enlightenment to leave the world and go off and live in the forest. And that's fine. But unless they develop the real aspiration, the true aspiration, that can become a dead end. They often think that they're safe then from the world and better than the people who are still involved in it. And they never really develop compassion based on that understanding. The true aspiration for enlightenment is more having to do with the faith in the inherent enlightenment in all beings. and the faith that this inherent supreme enlightenment of all beings is completely free of any limitation.

[12:30]

It's completely transcendent and it's completely in-house. And that means that those two go together because since this enlightenment is completely transcended, it can be, it isn't unable to be completely present. in this moment of experience. So because it's transcended, it can be what's happening now for each of you and me, but it's also free of the way we are right now.

[13:34]

so that what we become, it is also able to be there and also be able to transcend there. And faith doesn't mean to sit and... It's not like... I don't think it's like to sit there and say, oh, I guess that's true. It is rather... Faith in this case means that orienting towards or being concerned about this... enlightenment, to be oriented towards this enlightenment, is the ultimate concern of your life. That it is the most important thing for you. That nothing else is as vital and essential to your life as this enlightenment.

[14:44]

And that you sense that being devoted and oriented towards this enlightenment will take care of all your other concerns. That the best way to take care of all your other concerns will to be make this concern clearly number one, and that you will give up everything else for this one, that you will give up any other orientation and turn towards enlightenment constantly. And if you forget, and notice that you are becoming entangled in other concerns, you will let go of them and turn back to this enlightenment. And by observing other living beings, by watching every living creature, you also understand that you can use every person you meet as a way to meditate on this enlightenment.

[16:05]

because it is right here in every being. And it is also free of the way they are. So the way they are doesn't confine it or limit it. And the way it is doesn't confine or limit them. People don't have to be the slightest bit different from the way they are right now. And in fact, they aren't. Because enlightenment is so transcended, it can allow each of you to be who you are. And the fact that it allows each of you to be who you are is how it is so close to you. So eyes of compassion are watching people and not the least bit hoping that they would be different from what they are.

[17:23]

At the same time, hoping that they will be happy. But hoping that they'll be happy without thinking that they should be different from what they are. Hoping that people will be happy by changing from what they are to something else is what makes people unhappy. So how can you hope that everyone will be happy at the same time appreciating them just as they are? This meditation on enlightenment is to meditate on the happiness and freedom of all beings while also realizing that the thing you're hoping for them, the real happiness for them, is this enlightenment. which is so transcendent that they can be the way they are, and it's not at all hindered. That no person's suffering, no matter how great, hinders enlightenment.

[18:26]

And if we can realize that our suffering, no matter how great, doesn't hinder enlightenment, then our suffering is no longer hindered. a hindrance. It is actually then the place where we realize complete freedom because enlightenment is completely in every experience of suffering. suffering draws and is the birthplace of enlightenment. So to walk this path of steadfast orientation towards enlightenment

[19:41]

means that you don't cling to worldly things. You let go of them for the sake of this orientation. And you also don't cling to spiritual attainments. You don't cling to anything. You just are oriented towards enlightenment. And you also don't cling to any idea of what enlightenment is. So although you orient towards it If you make it into something, you alienate yourself from it, because it is transcendent of anything. So you orient towards it without making it into a thing. And also you orient towards it without making it into nothing. Another way to put it is you're constantly absorbed, you're constantly orienting towards light.

[20:50]

But not a light that you can see with your eyes, but this light which is so transcendent and so completely all-penetrating and all-pervasive. It's a light that is in everyone, all the time. So one great ancestor said, named Yuen Mun said, all of you, everywhere, all time, wherever you are, you have light. But if you look for it, you can't find it, and everything becomes dark.

[21:55]

He said this teaching over and over. They say for 20 years he said this to his monks. And they also say that no one ever understood him. If you don't understand, you're joining a tradition. And someone asked him to say more at one point, and he said, what is your light? And he said, it's the kitchen pantry. It's the front gate of the temple. But then he uncharacteristically added another line, another sentence, and said, a good thing is not as good as nothing. All of you have light.

[23:17]

What is your light? If you look for it, you won't be able to find it and you'll just find darkness. What is your light? It is the kitchen pantry. It is the front gate. But then he says, a good thing is not as good as nothing. Everything is a good thing because everything is your light. But a good thing is not as good as nothing. In other words, he didn't want us to get stuck in the kitchen pantry and in the front gate. He didn't want us to get stuck in our cars and our relationships. But everything that appears before you is your light. But don't get stuck in that. Every person you meet is your light.

[24:21]

Every person you meet is the light of your mind. The enlightening beings are unwaveringly looking at every person like that. every person they meet, they understand, this is the light of my mind. At the same time, they don't get stuck in seeing that person as the light of their mind. Seeing each person and wishing that they would be happy without trying to make them better or worse and realizing that seeing them that way is the light of your mind. seeing people without improving or wishing for them to improve or depreciating them or wishing that they would be depreciated, leaving them just as they are, is the light of your mind. And yet, it's not stuck in that person, so they can change, and you can do it again in the next moment.

[25:32]

And some people then think, oh, well, then I'll practice real hard. I'll be very determined. And I'll decide to really intensely meditate on this. And everybody I'll meet, I'll do this with. Which is good to think that. And then they practice that way. And every person they meet, they see that way. They say, oh, this person is the light of my mind. This person is the light of my enlightenment. And I'll just leave them to be just as they are. And then you might think that because you're so concentrated and so steadfast in your attention, that that proves that you're oriented properly. But it transcends your effort, too.

[26:45]

So your effort doesn't make it happen. And yet it completely penetrates and pervades your effort. If you think that you can prove that you're aligning yourself and verifying your faith by your effort, then you become proud. And you're using what you're doing as a proof that you're on the right track becomes an obstacle to being on the track, to being on the path. And other people may feel, well, what if I don't do some practices? What if I don't do some kind of meditation where I keep remembering that each person I meet, just as they are, demonstrates inherent perfect enlightenment? And every person is my teacher in that way.

[27:48]

If I don't do that, will I lose it? And then they become anxious. Then that becomes a hindrance. And we have actually, in Zen practice, here at Zen Center, we have practice periods. And in some ways, the main point of these practice periods is a time when you can deepen your faith in Buddha, in enlightenment. You can deepen it. You can steep yourself in your ultimate concern. But the funny thing that happens is that people go into these practice periods and then they think that the practice period that they entered in order to deepen the practice then becomes the thing that deepens the practice.

[29:01]

And then that attitude destabilizes the practice. And other people whose lives are such that they can go to practice periods worry that they don't have the opportunity for some practice that will deepen their faith. And they often ask, well, do you have to enter a monastery? And in a sense, the answer is yes, you do have to enter a monastery. But if you're in a monastery, you have to let go of the monastery. And if you're not in a monastery, you have to let go of not being in monastery. And letting go of not being in monastery is what I mean by monastery. You have to let go of the life which does not support your ultimate concern.

[30:11]

What in your life doesn't support your ultimate concern? You have to let go of that because those things are not your ultimate concern. When you do, at that moment, you're in a monastery. You're in a place where you are dedicated to one thing, where you've let go of everything else. And This kind of talk goes particularly well with enlightenment because enlightenment is the one thing that because it transcends all situations, it can be the thing which you're always doing by letting go of everything else. Because it is right here now. It cannot be. It has no meaning other than right here in what you are. And at the same time, it is free of the way you are. So you don't have to be this way except now.

[31:21]

Now is the only time you have to be like this. You never have to be like this again. However, although this is temporary, this is also the only time you have available to you to realize awakening. So now I ask myself, what is my ultimate concern?

[32:34]

Is it supreme enlightenment? The answer that comes is yes, finally. Ultimately, the answer is that that is my ultimate concern. Do I get caught by other things? The answer comes a little bit more quickly, yes. Are these things I'm caught by my ultimate concern? No, they're not. Since they aren't, could they be, now that I remember that, an occasion to remember my ultimate concern?

[33:44]

Yes. My errors and deviations from my ultimate concern, once I remember that they're not my ultimate concern, then they're an opportunity to, again, remember and realize my ultimate concern. And the type of ultimate concern which I have is such that, because it's transcendent, it is not hindered by deviations from itself. Enlightenment is not hindered by deviations from enlightenment. It completely pervades its errors. I mean, the errors from it, the deviations from it, house it also. It's only I that deviate, but my deviation is totally radiated by the light.

[34:50]

but it just radiates it. It doesn't like stop and move in there. Even though it's in there, it goes right through it. So that means I don't have to stay and camp out in my deviations. I can give them up. Does anybody here not know what the term cargo cult means? Would you raise your hand if you don't know what that term means? Hmm. Well, a cargo cult is a term for, like, in certain areas of the world, like certain jungle areas or something, sometimes airplanes crash. And then the natives come out to the airplane and find these maybe dead bodies and so on. But they also find transistor radios, you know, those... microwaves, lots of uneaten dinners, Western clothes, cameras, chairs, jet engines, instrument panels.

[36:21]

They find all this stuff, which is very interesting to them, and they take them back to their village. as wonderful new toys, which came from the sky and landed in their jungle. And then they go back. If maybe later somebody comes and finds the jets and takes the bodies back home to San Francisco or wherever they came from. Or maybe they don't. But anyway, the people then often go out to the place where the airplane crashed, and they make a shrine there at that place the airplane crashed. And they pray for the next airplane to come and crash. They make a cult out of the cargo that they got from that crash. Every moment in our life is kind of like an airplane crash. And sometimes we notice it and we scoop up the cargo and are happy with it.

[37:29]

Sometimes we don't notice, and we think actually it's a garbage dump instead of the coming of some jewels. But in every dump there are jewels. However, whenever the jewels are dumped, you don't go back to the same place again to get more. And if you should ever be able to discover and believe that inherent in your current state and realize inherent in your current state are these great jewels that can turn and release you, you don't go back then to that same place. That's why Yin-Man said, a good thing is not as good as nothing. But be careful of nothing because if you get stuck in that, that's a worse mistake than a good thing. So you don't get stuck in the thing even though the thing is the place you get your jewels.

[38:35]

A good thing, a jewel, a good jewel house is not as good as nothing. But to make a jewel house out of nothing is worse than to make a good jewel house out of something. So don't get stuck there either. In other words, go through both wonderful worldly things and spiritual things go through both of them without it clinging. And again, we do get stuck in worldly things and spiritual things. We get stuck in good things and we get stuck in nothing. When we realize we're stuck, then turn around and look back again inside to that inner sense of transcendence, the inner sense of this thing which is the most important thing in your life which is ultimately the thing for which everything else can be renounced because it's a thing that takes care of everything else.

[39:49]

And if you hold on to things The holding on to things is what doesn't take care of things. The holding on to things is what hurts them and hurts you. The letting go of them for the sake of enlightenment takes care of everything. But you don't let go of them just for the sake of letting go of them. You don't renounce things just for the sake of renunciation. You renounce them just to get back on the track to what you really care about. So I leave you with the question, what is your ultimate condition?

[41:14]

And they hog up the seats, they put their clothing or their sunglasses or their keys. You come into the room, every single chair, there's not one chair available, but they're all empty and everybody's outside drinking tea. And then it's very crowded and it's even hard, I had to crawl over to find a place on the floor. And then people come in with their tea. It's just difficult. I'm wondering if... It doesn't seem fair to have people reserving their seats when some people are not drinking tea and some people are not eating muffins and they just want to sit in the room. I'm wondering if there's something we could do about that. I didn't hear that. I didn't hear that. Whoever spoke should say something. Come in early. It's the middle room. I did. I came in immediately at the end of the lecture. All the seats were taken. There was no one in the lounge. There weren't very many seats, first of all. There weren't very many chairs. Are you comfortable now?

[42:14]

But are you comfortable? Because there's a space right here. You can sit here if you want to. Thank you. If you want to, please. Thank you very much. You don't want it? That doesn't address my concern. I appreciate that. It happens every week. I just might, okay, maybe I should make it simple. I don't think people should reserve seats. Okay. Do you understand what she said? Especially when they're not here, they run out. Yes? I have a thought. I've been thinking for a while that the discussions have been becoming more and more popular, more and more crowded. Maybe we should just have a discussion in Zendo and put the Zendo away after the discussion. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. I have a question about when this aspiration toward enlightenment and its being the one really important thing, and yet we are people, we have our lives and we have desires and needs and wants, and we have very individual identities, in some cases it seems so much more important to have desires than others.

[43:38]

that knowing that all these things that we want still have these real limitations and they are part of who we are. I just have to make this little question out of it. You could stop there. Okay? I'll give you an example. I'm eating this muffin. Okay? But eating this muffin is not as important to me as enlightenment. So I try to work on my practice while I'm eating this muffin. But I did feel a real desire for this muffin when I saw it. And I'm hungry. So I decided to eat because I think it's actually a good idea because I think I'll probably do better at my practice if I eat something now. So sometimes you really are hungry and it seems like a good idea to eat or sleep. But that doesn't mean that at that moment suddenly you think that eating is more important than your ultimate concern.

[44:46]

You are committed while eating to continue your orientation towards what you're really concerned about in your life. So it doesn't mean you give up all the lesser things in terms of not doing them anymore because that might not work. Now there's also the case of where you get distracted So not only will you get involved in some lesser concern, and you forget about your ultimate concern. I'm just wondering how one thing can be seen. I mean, I tend to be too enthusiastic in general about any particular thing. I like almost everything. And this seems, this idea seems to even burn to this tendency not to get enthusiastic. You somewhat tempt me about all things. No. It is getting completely enthusiastic about one thing. The beings who, the enlightening beings, the bodhisattvas, they may be enthusiastic about a lot of things, but not necessarily.

[45:59]

Basically, they're enthusiastic about one thing, great compassion. And in order to realize great compassion, they have to be basically enthusiastic about enlightenment. They are really enthusiastic about that. It really is clearly their main concern. But that does not limit your enthusiasm about other things at all. It doesn't reduce your enthusiasm about things at all. As a matter of fact, it tends to increase your enthusiasm about other things. Not necessarily, but it often does. But the more you If you get more enthusiastic about other things, then the response then is to get even more enthusiastic about the one thing. So your enthusiasm just keeps getting greater and greater until it becomes infinite. But still, even though it's infinite, there's a priority, and that is the principle of infinite enlightenment. Yes?

[47:02]

Yes? You use the word orientation towards enlightenment. How does that relate to grasping nature of mind? Like, I'm afraid by orienting towards enlightenment, that's where you just develop grasping. Right. So, the teacher says, you all have light. What is your light? And he says, it's the kitchen pantry. It's the front gate. In other words, when you usually ask people what their lighters or what their enlightenment is, they might not think it's the kitchen pantry or their eyeliner or their car keys. They might think it's someplace else. And he said that not because he thought of the kitchen pantry, but probably it was right nearby. He probably said it's the kitchen pantry. It's a front gate. In other words, it's something right under your nose. It must be. It must be.

[48:04]

Because that's your nature. But then he said, but a good thing is not as good as nothing. In other words, these good things, these things which you now realize are great opportunities, you don't want to get stuck in them, like you said. Because the mind will, because he sensed when he said that that people would say, okay, the pantry is... So make a cargo cart out of the pantry. And in fact, We do tend to do that. You hang around the pantry and your mom gives you nice good stuff like that. You tend to get nostalgic about those moments in your life when you saw the light and tend to go back to them and look for something like them again. So in spiritual practice you have these moments where you realize the light. But if your orientation is towards enlightenment you don't cling to those moments of illumination. Not to mention you don't cling to moments of endarkenment So not clinging to some kind of minor enlightenment, you might think, well, then I should go into darkness.

[49:12]

No, you don't cling to anything. So if you orient towards enlightenment and you have some image out there, and you actually think that that's envisioning enlightenment, then you alienate yourself from it. So we say seek or approach, but you don't really approach something. You approach inwardly. And you approach inwardly not to some place in yourself that you can get a hold of, but you approach a transcendent place in yourself. And yet you approach a place that's transcendent, but not at a distance. So it's not at a distance, and it's not stuck here. It's here, but not stuck here. It's here, but it's as much there as it is here. But it's not there in the sense that it's not an object. So you just go back and forth on this one hundred, one thousand, one million times you work with this dynamic and you find the middle way. And someone said to me, when I was talking just right after, before I came in here, someone said, well, like, I think I understand what you said, but I have trouble applying it.

[50:19]

And she was about to talk about her meditation practice. I think she was about to say, so like in my meditation practice, and I said, just a minute. when you had the thought, I have trouble applying it, at that time did you apply it? In the thought, I have trouble applying it, did you see in that thought that enlightenment is in that thought? That by its transcendent nature, even as you think of how will I apply it, which is not actually, how will I apply this teaching? It's just a thought. And you could like think, Not only how would I apply it, but gee, I don't think I'll be able to apply it. Some anxiety coming up. But if you see, oh, that's not it, but it could be there, then you're back on again. So the spirit that leads us to great compassion is a spirit which uses every opportunity so that because enlightenment is transcendent, there's no diversion, there's no sidetrack, there's no worry, there's no question that it doesn't pervade.

[51:27]

But again, even though it pervades it and is imminent in it, eminent, immanent in it, still, it then transcends it again. But again, enlightenment is not something different from a thing because all things also naturally transcend themselves. So, wondering or doubting that you can apply it, when you really look at doubting that you can apply it, doubting that you can apply it is not doubting that you can apply it. Doubting that you can apply it is applying it. One of the ways you apply it is to doubt that you can apply it. That's one of the applications of it. You apply it to the thought, I doubt that I can apply it. So you have to have this flexibility and non-attachment, but also you have to penetrate into everything. So non-attachment doesn't mean you start staying away from things, like he was saying, maybe you don't get enthusiastic. No, you're enthusiastic about everything that comes up because you have this enthusiasm about taking care of everything. But it's not because of the thing that you're enthusiastic. It's because of the opportunity for something which is more important than anything and simultaneously takes care of everything.

[52:36]

I don't know who was next. You had your hand up before. I have a real concern about, forgive me, I'm very interested in the topic today, but I'm very concerned also about how this women's concern was not addressed except by sarcasm and ridicule. I don't think that's appropriate in Latin America, and it's distracting me from the conversation, so I wondered if you would talk a little more about it. Well, tell us about, do you have any suggestion? Perhaps you could suggest that you take it up, discuss it, and pay attention to the issue at some point in the future. I feel that the fact that she expressed her opinion is sufficient. I don't particularly want to take on this administrative responsibility. myself. If someone else would like to bring it to the Green Gulch staff or something and talk to them about suggesting that people don't reserve seats, they can do that. If the majority in the room feels it's a good idea to reserve seats, that's okay with me.

[53:46]

I'm just wondering what most people feel. But maybe next week the majority will feel the other way. So I think it's more like if somebody has a concern and you want to do something to If you want to do something more than express yourself and you want to have some effect on the administrative structure of this place, then you should go to the administration. You should go talk to the director or write a letter to the director or the practice committee here saying that you feel that way. But I didn't understand you necessarily wanted to accomplish something. I thought maybe you just wanted to express yourself. I want to just express myself. I mean, you know, when there's a community and there's a lot of people, it's just like, you know, do you go through the red light or do you stop at the red light or do you pass on the left or do you pass on the right? It's just, is it ongoing? I just would like that. So I would suggest that you express yourself in that way. And if anybody else in the room would like to co-sign the letter...

[54:48]

with her afterward, you could, I don't know, those of you who actually want to, like, get this across to some other group who can make a decision, then you can do that at Zen Center. But I don't want to do that. Okay. Because I'm leaving town. Okay? Is that okay? We have more space and more chairs. Excuse me, but do we address this enough for you? Not to me. Okay, go ahead. It boils down to equal opportunity. So the equal opportunity of being physically in the room has been transferred to the equal opportunity of bringing an object to a chair. Still a matter of equal opportunity.

[55:51]

It could go either way. It's fine with me either way. But I would think that it's probably not very nice to come and put some object to reserve a chair and go away to do something else. You know, it's probably not... A very nice thing to do. To me, it's finding a way. Yes? Is it possible to use the Zender for question and answer? I think it is possible to use the Zender for question and answer, yes. I mean, it is sort of an uncomfortable situation, putting your things to save a chair, and I do it, and I don't feel that bad about it, but I see that it is, it's like a first come and a sort of urgency that's not perfectly pleasant. It does make it possible for people to have a little more air in between the zendo and the discussion. Well, we could still have the tea out here and go back to the zendo.

[56:57]

Still do it the same way, but just go back there. I think one idea is to eventually develop the backside of the zendo into a courtyard and have tea out there. So people don't have to walk all the way over here. Then that would also make it easier to go back into the zendo. But I think it is possible to have the question and answer in the zendo. That may be what people will decide to do. You've been waiting for a while. Yeah, hi. I've never been willing to put all my eggs in one basket. But I feel I'm getting a little bit closer. It's taking a long time to get here. Going in and out of it. What reservations do you have about it? Can I give you an example before you answer? What just happened here in this discussion? Was that a distraction, or were you using that opportunity of this discussion about the seats? Were you orienting towards enlightenment during that discussion?

[57:58]

This discussion could have been a time when... it was just as much relevant to the topic as now your question. So now we're back to your question, and I ask you, what basis do you have about putting all your eggs in the enlightenment basket or towards the aspiration for enlightenment? Well, other things are more important. Like what? Career. Money. Women. It scared him. It scared him that career money and women scared him. So anyway, go back to that then. that at a certain point in your life, maybe, actually, women were your ultimate concern.

[59:01]

There was a time, maybe, when it was like that, and maybe you'd sacrifice everything, practically, for women. And then later, or before, maybe career was actually your ultimate concern, and everything else would actually be relinquished for that goal. So, I'm just saying that if you want to develop compassion, then your ultimate concern needs to be enlightenment. And you have to let everything else be not as important. So, getting your way or not getting your way is not as important as compassion. So, right now, I'm in a place of letting go. Things are rapidly changing, and I'm in this void. You're in a void? Void. I'm not being there yet, and letting go of the old stuff. And sometimes I have trouble in the void. is there so much uncertainty of where I'm going with this? And it's still not my ultimate attainment. Attainment or concern?

[60:03]

It's more so. The other things aren't as important. I'm not yet talking about attainment, I'm talking more about faith at this point. And so what is your ultimate concern? Can you tell us what it is? I would have to think about it. If you come up with ultimate concern, there's not a void anymore. There's a... There's a something. What? It's not an ultimate concern about enlightenment. It's that enlightenment is your ultimate concern, or not. Well, it's not. So then, you don't have that kind of aspiration. And I'm suggesting to you to consider that that kind of aspiration is necessary... if you really want to realize great compassion. And if you think great compassion would be a good thing in your life, then you need actually great enlightenment to go with it, because they're paired.

[61:10]

So if you meditate on that or think about that, that can be your practice too, in a sense of just thinking about, if that's not your ultimate concern, is there an ultimate concern? And maybe there's not right now, which means that you don't have much faith. Faith is your ultimate concern. And some people don't have much faith because they don't have the clear ultimate concern. So there's this kind of doubt and confusion about what they should do with their life. So if you want to develop faith, then you have to figure out what is really standing up there above everything. What is the polar star of my life? Or what is the real root of my life? And I'm suggesting that the beings who become Buddhas... the one thing that they're always focused on, very unwaveringly, is they're always thinking about enlightenment. Now, some of us may feel like we're bodhisattvas and that we sometimes think about enlightenment, we're sometimes oriented to it, and I'm saying that, okay, but even though you only do it sometimes, is it clearly your highest priority?

[62:17]

And if so, then good, and then is there some way to make it more and more that you never deviate from it? But you maybe now have to clarify your faith. And you're not the only one in this community that needs to clarify their faith. That's why I gave the talk, because faith is kind of the beginning. And we need to clarify, what is our faith? What is your faith? Is your faith Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha, or not? And if it's Buddha, then that means you're saying that Buddha, Enlightenment, and the teaching of enlightenment and the community of those who are working for the enlightenment of all beings, that's my highest jewel. That's the most important thing to me. But if you're not there yet, then meditate on that and come and talk with us about it. If you keep looking at what your situation is and looking at all the other agendas you have, gradually you'll become clear. We do have the capacity to have that kind of faith because it is our nature.

[63:18]

It's really faith in your own nature. that you're talking about. We're proposing that this is faith in who you really are. It's not like faith in some other deal. The more you think about it, the more you realize that you actually are enlightened. And that's your highest priority. But you may have to tumble around with that and struggle with it for a long time before that becomes real clear. My fear about enlightenment has been losing myself. Come on. Well, that's really good. Because when you become enlightened, you do forget yourself. But then after you forget yourself, then everything that happens, you know, you look at people and everything that happens confirms you. All these faces, right now a lot of them are smiling, so it's easy to be confirmed by those. But even frowning faces confirm you when you forget yourself. But if you're holding on to yourself, then frowning faces you may think, ooh, then they're kind of pushing on yourself.

[64:19]

Maybe they're going to eliminate yourself. Maybe they're going to gang up and eliminate myself. But if I forgot myself, then frowning faces don't scare me. As a matter of fact, frowning faces remind me, oh, they're frowning at me. Frowning faces realize, frowning faces remind me that I'm here. Frowning faces give me my life. But forgetting yourself is different than losing yourself. Yes, it is. I think that's what he's talking about. And that's what I feel. Yeah. That This is a path to losing myself, and that fills me with terror. And I don't know if that's the way to go or not. If you don't know, what is the way to go? Buddhism, the path of Buddhism. Well, see, that's another thing about faith is that when people, actually someone said that to me just before I came in, and I said, please come to the present. Please come here to the present. in the present you won't be afraid of losing yourself anymore. So then the question is, then she got scared again.

[65:23]

She thought, well, what would happen to me if I come to the present? I said, just come. And she said, well, would you hold my hand? I said, yes. And so then she came to the present. In the present you won't be afraid of losing yourself. In the present... you will experience that you're being choked by yourself. As a matter of fact, I didn't say that because you were choking yourself. But in the present you can verify, you can actually experience that we are strangled by ourself. Ourself is strangling us. That we tighten around this thing. It's suffocating us. And you can find that in the present. But if you think about it beforehand, out in the future, what will happen to me if I practice Buddhism, you can imagine all kinds of things, like I'll lose myself, or you might even imagine I'll become a great, a great puffed up, you know, something or other. All the stuff might frighten you.

[66:23]

None of it will happen. None of it will happen. Something will happen, but none of that will happen. But if you dare to come to the present, There you will find out that you wouldn't mind if you forgot yourself. And there you have to struggle with the pain of having a self. That's where Buddhism is practiced. Not in thinking about what's going to happen to you. But if you think about what's going to happen to you, I would say, well, are you willing to apply the Buddhist teaching of coming to the present at that time? Or do you want to stay out in the future and be afraid? So, I would say, to determine whether you want to practice Buddhism or not, at least give it enough of a chance to come to the present, and then in the present decide whether you want to practice it. Don't try to decide whether you want to practice Buddhism in the future. I mean, don't go to the future and try to decide whether you want to practice Buddhism. Because when you're afraid, you don't make good decisions. Come to the present.

[67:25]

In the present, you won't be afraid anymore, but you'll be suffering. When you're suffering, you often do make good decisions. or particularly when you're aware of your suffering and accepting your suffering and staying in the present with it, you often make very good decisions. And there you might decide to practice Buddhism. And there you won't be afraid to practice Buddhism. Next moment you may again get into the future and be afraid, but then again you might say, well, let's come back to the present again and see how things are there. You have to come to the present to practice the Buddha way. And it's there that you'll decide to do it or not. Even if you decided to do it in the future, if you had some happy vision about what happened to you, it still doesn't count. Decisions made in the future don't count. They don't hold up. But decisions made in the present are real decisions. Because not only are they really happening in the present, but you're making them on the basis of an actual experience. So I would just say, at least for a moment, come to the present and let's talk about how this is and see if here you want to practice Buddhism.

[68:32]

That's what I would say. I don't know who was next, but maybe you or you, whichever, which one of you was first? I'll take that opportunity. My concern is on the second question you put out. And in trying to apply compassion to concern and fear, concern still, it lessened a bit, but it still exists enough that I'd like to address it. When you said that nothingness is greater than a faint, patry of a particular object, I had a great sense of relief. Because what I'm... that I'm experiencing in my life right now is when I can get away from wanting, I have more peace and more time to give to meditation, and my meditation takes on a quality that I appreciate.

[69:43]

And then when you said that nothing is worse than if you go after... I didn't quite say that. a good thing is not as good as nothing. Nothing and nothing, if you hold to nothing, is worse than holding to something. They say, attaching to a mountain of belief in existence is not as bad as attaching to a a dust mote of nothingness. Holding on to nothingness is much worse than holding on to somethingness. However, nothingness is a relief from somethingness, so you should definitely realize that nothing's better than anything. That's why holding to a little bit of nothing is much worse than holding to a lot of something, because nothing's better than anything.

[70:49]

The point is, the point is you shouldn't hold to either. You shouldn't hold to anything, but particularly don't hold to nothing. That's much worse than holding to something. You all are, you know, probably to some extent, occasionally, or at least in your past, you held to something. You held to some existing thing, right? You all know what that's like. You know that you've also had some problems with attachment, haven't you? Attachment to something, right? Well, the attachment to that is not nearly as bad as attaching to nothing. It's a much more devastating thing. That's what Trungpa made famous as spiritual materialism. Attaching to nothing. Attaching to your mind, the nature of your mind. It's much more devastating because almost no one can help you with that. Whereas if you get attached to me or her or her possessions, you'll get in trouble right away. A lot of people can help you. But if you attach to nothing, almost no one can help you with that. And you can really get sick.

[71:54]

But still, the reason why you shouldn't attach to nothing is because nothing is so much better than anything. It's the most precious things that you have to particularly be careful not to attach to. Buddhist sickness, the worst sickness, the most difficult to cure sickness is the highest state of enlightenment. Because who can Who can criticize you holding on to a very high state of detachment? You know, you get very detached and then hold on to that. Who could help you with that? Almost no one can help you with that because most people don't even, can't even see how detached you are that you're holding on to. So it's a very, it's a grave illness and you need a great teacher to protect you from the higher states of attachment to this attachment to the higher states of enlightenment and realizing nothing is greater than something. But it's also, you should have it. That's why he said it. First of all, he said, every place is good. Every place is your light.

[72:58]

All these people, everybody you meet is your light. You've got it. You've got it, and it's in everything you see, because everything you see is you. But still, having nothing, using nothing to do that, is better than that. But then, be careful of that. So you constantly... compensating for the tendency of the mind to grasp. And compensating for this tendency of the mind to grasp means following the path of enlightenment, the path which walks through worldly and spiritual opportunities and doesn't grab them, but keeps orienting on something that's completely transcendent. And because it's transcendent, it's everywhere, in an everything. It's in the kitchen pantry. It's in Barbara. It's in her worry. It's in your worry. It's so transcendent, it's right there in your worry. So, let's just be worried here for a little while, okay?

[73:59]

And enjoy enlightenment. And she said, when I'm not wanting, my meditation goes, you know, more, well, fine. Fine. But that's not being oriented towards enlightenment. That's grabbing on to the pleasant experience of not wanting anything for a few seconds. It's nice. It's nice not to want something. For most of us, it's a nice pause. And then you can relax and meditate. Well, I don't want anything. I don't want to clean the house. I don't want to drive my house. I drive my car. I don't want to watch TV. I actually don't want anything. I think that's humanity. How lovely. That's not enlightenment. Enlightenment is to let go of that. The perfection of that nice state, the way to bring that to perfection is to let go of it.

[75:02]

Not to mention to let go of what you did a moment before, to let go of your desire to clean the house. You let go of it. You let go of your desire to go shopping. You let go of your desire to make a telephone call, to get some work done, to do exercise. You let go of it all and then you didn't want anything. Well, great. Well, now let go of that. But the way you let go of it is not by trashing it, but realizing enlightenment's here. I don't need this state. And yet, Where is enlightenment? It's in the state of not wanting. But it's also in the state of wanting. It's in the state of wanting. It's in the state of worry. That's the kind of thing it is. It's not a pussyfoot. It's not a chicken. You know? It's a tiger. And she enters the mountains of worry. Goes tromping into the worry. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Laughter It's a dragon of courage that enters into confusion.

[76:04]

It doesn't like to say, okay, let's get to the place of no confusion, no worry, no busyness. No. It enters whatever is happening. If it didn't do that, then enlightenment would be disabled. And our usual state is a kind of disabled enlightenment. We are enlightened and we disable it by our attachments. It doesn't really disable it. It just says, well, we've got attachment now. So you know what happens when you've got that? You feel all tight and stuff like that. Well, it's there still. If you're willing to worry, then that shows you have some faith in the transcendence and immanence of enlightenment. If you're not willing to worry, then it shows you doubt then enlightenment could be here. You think it must be in some better neighborhood.

[77:06]

So you doubt. That's okay. Then you say, well, this is my doubt. And enlightenment can be in my doubt. So when enlightenment's in your doubt, then your faith gets stronger. So faith grows on doubt. Okay? I think she was next. You actually answered my question, actually, which is so hard to ask. My ultimate concern is in life, and right now I'm at a point where I can restructure my life so that I can reform it so it will support that, because up to this point, If my life is in chaotic, then I can support that. But I'm really confused as to how to go about doing that when I'm searching all these different avenues and ways of living. I just feel like I'm in darkness. I don't know what to do. Right in that darkness is the light.

[78:10]

Just go into that darkness, and you'll see the light. So I'll find the answers. You'll find the answers in your darkness and confusion. That will show you where to go with your life. Now if you didn't have any darkness then you wouldn't be able to use that for that purpose. If you had clarity then there would be darkness in your clarity. Do you understand? If she was clear about what you want to do there would be darkness there because the darkness would be that you shouldn't be using that clarity then to decide what to do. Because all the enlightenment is in clarity and darkness. You shouldn't get stuck in the clarity. And the main way that Buddhists get stuck in darkness is they try to get out of it. They try to get to some other place to make the decisions about their life. But the light which is showing you where to go from your darkness is in the darkness.

[79:14]

And When you have light, when you have clarity or light, it isn't that light that you should use to figure out what you want to do. It's enlightenment in that light. It's not a thing called light. The light is not something that gets brighter when the lights get turned on or gets darker when you turn them off. The light we're talking about, if six or ten or 145 Buddhas walked in the door, it wouldn't get brighter in here. The spiritual light would not get brighter. Some other kind of light would get brighter. We'd be impressed, you know. Even if two came in, we'd kind of like, we'd feel something, you know. When all that generosity came in the room, we'd all kind of like, oh, wow. That's wonderful. Two generous people walked in the door. Two patient people walked in the door. Two courageous people walked in the door. Too enthusiastic. We'd be impressed. It would impress us. And a kind of light would happen. But that's not the spiritual light.

[80:17]

The spiritual light would not get a little bit brighter if they came in. And also, even after they left, it wouldn't get darker than spiritual light. The worldly light would get darker if they left. And we cry over that. So when a great teacher dies, we feel sad because the worldly light gets dim. And then when it gets dim, all kinds of stuff gets thrown all around. Everybody gets upset. That's normal. But the spiritual light doesn't get brighter or dimmer when good people come and go, or when bad people come and go. A bunch of bugs come in here too, the spiritual light would not get dimmer. Not at all. Not at all. It also wouldn't get brighter. It's completely present in whatever happens. That's why it's a spiritual light. It's spiritual because it's not hindered by worldly things. However, if you attach that spiritual light, which is not hindered by worldly things, then you get real sick. And almost no one will be able to help you, so don't attach to spiritual things.

[81:27]

If you have to attach to something, attach to something real gross. Really, it's the best. Physical attachments, you know, like food and sex and stuff like that is much better. Huh? Much better. You immediately get in trouble for it. You get sick. People beat up on you. It's really great. Even like morons can tell you're off. Children can spot it, you know. But spiritual attachment, you know, you can get by with it for a long time and almost nobody will notice it. You can get sick for a long time. You may never find a teacher who can call your number. So, don't attach to spiritual things, please. And they're so tempting. I don't know if you're next, but go ahead. Actually, he was next. But he's already had one question. Go ahead. I'll take it because I'll look it. That's a word.

[82:30]

When you say not to attach to spiritual belief, how is that like, let's say, you use a phrase of yours, taking a life on Zen. Yeah. I mean, there's attachment and then there's sort of direction. Yeah, right. Well, don't attach to your direction either. Let's say you had a sense, you know, suddenly it felt like, oh my God, I'm on the beam. you know I'm on my light beam I got it finally I'm on it you'd be really happy if you had that sense and you can have that sense you can feel like my god I'm sure and you mean it and you feel it and it's wonderful well great and then let go of that because if it's really that wonderful that you got on a transcendent beam which is totally in your mind and in your body that's it and then you should let go of it And the closer it gets to being perfect,

[83:29]

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