It's good to give yourself time to do that, don't be hasty, place yourself carefully so that you feel you're well, well placed there, so that you feel as much as possible that the two sides of your pelvis, your sitting bones, are level. And tonight I won't get into all the different ways of crossing your legs, because there's lots of different ways of doing that, but I will just say that now, just cross them in a comfortable way. And if you're sitting in a chair, you can try to see if you can sit without leaning back in the chair. I don't know if that works for your back, but you can sit without leaning back in the

[01:04]

chair. And, you know, there are different kinds of chairs out there. And you're sitting on top of something, you might want to put something underneath it so that you feel comfortable. For most people, having a little bit of a raise under the seat is good. I don't know if you want to sit like that or not. You have to sit so up on it, so it's not over there. You can even sit a little higher if you want to. You probably have to lean slightly. And the main suggestion, to which I, unless I forget, will talk about in many different

[02:18]

ways. The main thing about sitting is that you sit upright, and the meaning of upright is very deep. Basically, I would like you to start by sitting in what you feel is an upright posture. And I will, during meditation periods, come around and make suggestions to you about your posture. I don't consider these to be corrections, but more like suggestions to you, or even questions of your body, about do you feel more upright in the position I suggest. So, again, I will elaborate on what upright means in many ways, I think, but for now,

[03:22]

I'd like to see what you think is upright. And then I will interact with you about that, in a physical way. I guess I would also say that try to express this uprightness with your entire body, even with your legs. But particularly, from the base of your spine to the crown of your head, try to use this body to express a feeling of uprightness. A feeling of directness. I also sometimes say that the feeling of this posture is, it has an erect, upright feeling,

[04:36]

but also a relaxed feeling. There isn't forced, restrained uprightness. If you're pushing, that's extra. That should be let go of, some kind of pushing. Or straining. Like an upright or an erect swoon. Even I would also say that this upright posture is not something that you have to feel, that you do all by yourself. You can almost feel like the earth is supporting you, holding you up. The earth is making it possible for you to sit upright.

[05:37]

The earth is allowing you to sit upright. And the sky is supporting you too, almost like it's lifting you into uprightness. So both the earth and the sky help you to fulfill your posture. I would also suggest that in this, to try out Zen meditation, that you keep your eyes open during the meditation. You can ask me questions about the reason for that later, but what I would suggest is that you keep your eyes open. But what I mean by open is not that they be wide open, although that's okay sometimes if you're sleeping, but that they be open at a restful angle, which is for most people,

[06:39]

if you're looking down at an angle of about 45 degrees. For each person, you should find the comfortable angle of your eyes. So on erect posture, erect spine, relaxed forehead, relaxed eyebrows, awake eyes, awake and relaxed eyes. And the nose is where we breathe, and the mouth is closed, with the lips together and the teeth together, and the tongue placed against the roof of the mouth, with the tip

[07:42]

of the tongue touching the back of the upper teeth. Again, the back of the neck has an erect, upright feeling, the front of the neck more relaxed. The chest, feeling of openness, perhaps slightly lifted and widened, the abdomen is relaxed. And the arms and the hands are, in some sense, the most challenging part of the posture,

[08:45]

and are the final touch of the posture. So what I suggest for the arms is that you hold them so that the arms are not directly against the body, but away from the body, so that under your armpits, there could be a chicken egg. And then bring your right hand against your abdomen, about two or three inches below your navel. The baby fingers of your right hand against your abdomen, two or three inches below your navel. And then place your left hand on top of your right hand, again, touching baby fingers against the abdomen. And then join the thumbs together, this is the palms, forming an ellipse.

[09:48]

At the top of the ellipse, slightly flattened. Again, I'll adjust this, in this case it's ideal. And then, holding the hands this way, I find, it's very helpful in staying, in being alert. That contact of the hands with the abdomen is a real, an earth-touching gesture. And I find that when I sit this way, the first thing in my posture that slips is that the hand slips away from the abdomen. And the, it looks, from what I can see, it looks like you're doing this, but the thumb

[11:01]

tips should touch, not hard, you're actually touching, but not hard, but hard enough to, for example, if you put a piece of paper between them, it would be held apart. Do you have any questions about the position and the posture? I'm not sure why I'm always visible. Um, there is a why, there is a how, there's a reason for all this, yes. Maybe you could ask questions later in the discussion. Any questions? Any questions about the how at this point? Um, as much as possible, don't rest, don't rest them on your legs, more like touch them

[12:03]

to your legs, to your thighs. So use your thighs, maybe, if you wish, as a point of, as a point of location of your movement, but don't lean on your legs. Again, I would say that if there was, if there were a hand between your leg and your hands, it wouldn't hurt you, but the hand probably wouldn't move. So, um, find the touch, but don't lean into it. If you lean into it, you're just going to start leaning forward, and that leaning forward and leaning on something is not uprightness. When you sit upright, you're not depending on anything. On the other hand, if you get tired and stressed in this posture, go ahead and lean on something if you want to relax for a little while. This is kind of, uh, pretty subtle to find this balanced place where you can hold your

[13:03]

hands this way, and it wasn't, uh, it was effortless. It may take you a while to get there. It took me two and a half years. Yes? I mean, first I'm trying to double the use of my back hand, and although the tongue is kind of leaning in a direct way, I'm not using both hands. If it makes your jaw temper a little bit, keep them kind of in that neighborhood, and try not to move them around a lot. One of the main reasons for keeping the mouth closed is, in the tongue, particularly the chapter, I personally have the experience that, um, when I'm sitting, I notice that I'm talking to myself. I repeatedly find my tongue is, you know, wagging around in a different place. And if I put my tongue up on the roof of my mouth, it just, things are getting uncomfortable. It doesn't, that won't stop all of the chapter, but it does subdue it somehow.

[14:09]

And the same with the teeth. So if it is close to being closed, you have to push the mouth a little bit. Any other questions about how, at this point? Another thing I would suggest is that when you, once you're, um, have established your basic foundation of your posture, it's also good to put your hands on your knees and rock from side to side, to loosen up a little bit beforehand, and to let your neck go into it too a little bit. And first rock in rather large motions, and then gradually, uh, smaller and smaller amplitude.

[15:15]

So at the end, you can use this, um, this rocking to get a feeling for uprightness again. So leaning to the right and to the left, right, left, right, left, until finally you feel you're leaning slightly to the right and slightly to the left. And then sit right in the middle of that, where you're not leaning to the right or the left, you're not leaning forward or backwards. And at the end of sitting, um, you'll ring a bell at the end of the period to join your hands together and bow. And then again, rock in from side to side, first in very small motions, and then gradually larger motions to loosen up a little bit. And then gently uncross your legs. And I would also suggest that when you stand up, it's good to sort of like turn around,

[16:19]

turn around like this, like, you know, uncross your legs to turn around like this, and to get up in this position. If you've been using your hands, don't get up like this. That can really hurt your knee. I survived that for demonstration purposes, but the reaction is quite dangerous. So get up like this is better. Now, as you uncross your legs and stand up, I'm going to show you a formal walking meditation. Maybe we could line up these, um, these cushions so that we make rows so there would be walking spaces between the rows. Okay, so in the walking meditation, basically it's the same postural awareness feeling of

[17:32]

being upright again. And it's basically the same arms onto the same, except you can take this, uh, this movement by the way is called the Cosmic Concentration Movement, or Cosmic Concentration Seal, or Circle, or Ring. And you just take this and you collapse it by putting the thumb of the left hand in a wrapping hinge around it, like this. So they're related. By putting the thumb of the left hand down in a wrapping hinge around it, placing it against the sternum and the pelvic of the right hand. And again, keeping the arms somewhat away from the body, so you can get bigger in your arm. And the rest of the posture is the same with the eyes cast down and upward, like this. And for slow walking meditation, uh, one way to do it is that you walk with your feet staggered

[18:42]

of course, so that the toe of the back foot is at the instep of the knee foot. And when you take a step, you take a step which is the length of your foot, so the, uh, toe will be at the instep again when you take a step. And the walking, the slow walking, the slow formal walking, is that the walking follows the breathing. I can show you other kinds of walking meditation where it doesn't work that way. In this case, the breathing will be just natural. Just breathe it, in whatever way you wish. And then when you notice your breathing, then you have your walking following your breathing. So, another suggestion is that as you inhale, as you begin your inhale, you lift your heel, you start to lift the heel of the back foot.

[19:43]

And as you continue to inhale, you continue to lift the heel, and also the weight is on the knee foot. And when you finish the inhale, you start to exhale. When you start to exhale, you take this step. And then when you continue to exhale, you continue to shift your weight onto the knee foot. When you finish the exhale, most of your weight is on the knee foot. And when you start to inhale, you lift the heel of the back foot. And when you continue to inhale, continue to lift the heel. And then when you finish the inhale, when you start to exhale, you take this step. When you start to exhale, you take this step. Any questions about that? I'm keeping you in watch. Can you see me? Can you see my feet? And now, am I inhaling or exhaling? Am I letting my feet hurt?

[20:45]

I can't really tell, actually. So, what am I doing now? I can't see anything. Okay. Mm-hmm. Okay. Can you see that? Okay. You put your foot in the middle of your toe first. You're going to toe first. Right after the middle first. I do toe first. I'm going to toe first. In the ball of the knee. Thank you. If you watch me, you say what I'm doing, you'll get it. Can you see?

[21:49]

Okay, can you move over a little bit? Everybody who has trouble moving, everybody who understands, sit down. People who can't move, come on and sit down. So, if you just say what I'm doing, you can tell. Okay. Inhaling. Exhaling. Inhaling. Okay. Would you like to try that? Okay, we can do this. So, this row, step over here. You go this way.

[22:51]

You go that way. You go this way. You go that way. You go this way. And then you just roll your feet up along this way. And move up all the feet along, all the way to the front. Move up on this way. This way. And all the way to the front. And you're going to be going in the back of this row over here. Okay? And you're going to be moving like this. So, go that way, or kind of this row or the front. Oh, I need to... I'm right here. I'm right here. I need to do this row. This row or that row. Well, you do that.

[23:52]

So, go that way. And you're going to have to do this. And then you'll come back here. And you'll go into the next row. This way, and you're going to be going this way. Then you go this way and you're going back into the row. Run your back, see if you got any problems. Okay? So what we'll do is we'll walk slowly now for a little while, and then I'll ring a bell, and then we'll walk more quickly back to our place. And then another thing is that we're kind of crowded here, so one of the things we can do is somehow... And you might have to take smaller steps than I told you. So you might have to shorten your steps. Don't shorten your breath, but you might have to take short steps because you might not have enough room in front of you. The eyes are drawn at under 45 degrees to something you see.

[24:54]

So... So... So...

[26:34]

So... So... Ring the bell, then we can walk back to sleep. Ring the bell, then we can walk back to sleep. No, keep going the same direction. That back road's got a lot more traffic on it. Come on.

[28:29]

That back road's coming in front. It may not seem like we'll ever get back, but you will. Just keep walking. Walk faster than you think. Walk faster than you think. Mm-hmm.

[29:40]

Mm-hmm. That was fun. I think it would be good anyway, wouldn't it? Yeah. Please make yourself comfortable. The name of this course is called Radical Insight and Radical Compassion.

[31:58]

And what I'm alluding to by that title is fundamental insight, fundamental compassion, recognizing that there are many, many levels of insight and many levels of compassion, and they're all welcome too. But particularly I want to make sure that we make a gesture towards and turn our attention towards the most fundamental form of insight, the most fundamental form of compassion, which is also, you might say, the most universal form of insight and the most universal form

[33:04]

of compassion. In other words, the compassion of an awakened one and the insight of an awakened one. So I offer in the instructions of Zen meditation what I want to make clear from the beginning that Zen meditation is religious meditation, I don't like the word religion, but it's religious in the sense that it's addressing a universal scope, it's addressing a universal, unlimited scope of concern. It's addressing the actual mind of a Buddha, or a love Buddha, or a Buddha. And the mind of Buddha is concerned with the welfare of all living creatures, without any

[34:13]

of such exception at all. The Buddha's appearance world, the enlightened being's appearance world in response to the suffering and the confusion which causes that suffering of living beings. Here in the world we say for one great cause, but really it's under four great causes. They wish, they have a wish, Buddhists have a wish, and their wish is that all living beings will open their eyes, open their ears, open their hearts to the knowledge and insight

[35:17]

of the Buddhists. They wish to demonstrate or to show living beings the knowledge and insight of the Buddhists. They wish to cause and assist living beings to awaken, to understand the knowledge and insight of the Buddhists. And they wish to assist people to enter the actual practice path of the Buddha's wisdom and knowledge. This is what brings forth enlightened beings, enlightened beings into the world. So this compassionate wish that they have to help beings become awake and understand

[36:21]

and actually enter into the path of wisdom and compassion of the Buddhists, this compassionate wish is the heart of the Buddha's mind, of the Buddha's enlightened mind. The heart of the enlightened mind is this compassionate wish. This is wishing the best for everybody, but it's also specifically wishing that people will specifically open up, observe a demonstration of teaching, understand it and enter it, and thus actually become Buddhas themselves. A Zen teacher was asked once, a Zen teacher's name was Cloud Gate.

[37:47]

He was a Chinese Buddhist priest. A monk asked him, what was the teaching of the Buddha's whole life? What did the Buddha teach during his whole life? The Chinese monk said, an appropriate response was what the Buddha taught during his whole life. An appropriate response. Or literally, meeting one teacher, and you can understand one as meeting one person the Buddha taught, meeting one person the Buddha taught, meeting another person the Buddha taught. Each person the Buddha met, the Buddha taught for that person.

[38:48]

Another way to understand this is meeting oneness the Buddha taught. Whenever the Buddha met someone, the Buddha met oneness, the Buddha met himself. The Buddha didn't meet somebody else. And by meeting each person, not as somebody else, thus the Buddha taught. Appropriate. So he taught according to each person, their needs, their situation, but also he taught according to understanding that this person he was meeting was actually teaching him who he was. That's what he taught. He always had the appropriate response because he understood that the person he was meeting was himself. By understanding that each person he met, by really understanding that each person he

[39:53]

met was teaching him who he was, he thus taught him. So, what I propose is from the beginning that the fundamental insight and fundamental compassion arise from studying fundamental delusion, our fundamental delusion. Our fundamental delusion is that when we meet another person, that's not us. One difference between psychology and Zen meditation is that although we have many delusions among us, we all have different varieties of delusions and neurotic habits, there's one thing we all share, there's one universal delusion that we share, and that is we believe

[40:59]

we're separated from others. We share that. We perceive because of the way we're built that other people in buildings, in trees, in sky and earth, in oceans and mountains, we perceive that they're external, that they're not us. But not only do we perceive that, but we believe it. It's true. This belief is the fundamental delusion of human beings, and studying this delusion is the food of the contents, at least the initial contents, of non-discriminating wisdom.

[42:06]

It is the initial contents, it actually is the contents of radical insight and radical compassion. And the first truth that the Buddha taught is called the truth of suffering. It's the number one truth. Scott Peck, in the beginning of one of his most famous bestsellers, said that Buddha said that life is suffering. And he said that, and millions of people have heard him say that, and poor little me, I'm

[43:09]

trying to combat that. I don't have much of a chance, but anyway I want to tell you people, Buddha did not say that life is suffering. The first truth is not the same as saying life is suffering. The first truth is that there is suffering. And suffering occurs under the circumstances of believing that you're separate from your being. On the level at which you do not believe this, on the level at which you understand that this is an illusion, or a delusion, at that level, life is not suffering. So the purpose, in some sense, of Buddhist meditation is to admit, first of all, that we think this way, and by studying how you actually think, by studying your delusion,

[44:10]

to be liberated from your delusion, to be liberated from your belief that you're not all living beings, and thereby be relieved of suffering, and thereby also become a Buddha. Because then when she meets people, she meets them with this understanding, and this understanding transforms beings. But right from the beginning there is a problem with this line of study, and that is that if you look at this delusion, if you start to notice how you separate yourself from others by the way you think and the way you believe, noticing this is something in the neighborhood of painful. Painful, uncomfortable, nauseating, something in that area. It's not particularly pleasant to notice this because as you start to notice this process

[45:16]

you start to notice you're uncomfortable. You're already uncomfortable. Most people are fairly well established in denial about this, and have all kinds of techniques for avoiding awareness of this particular type of suffering. It's fairly subtle, actually, this form of suffering, this form of discomfort, this form of dis-ease, this form of unrest, this form of dis-stress. It's fairly subtle in its universal aspect. Most of us ignore it, we turn away from observing this pain. But if we can be patient with this pain, we can see the cause of the pain.

[46:20]

And if we see the cause of the pain, we can study the cause of the pain. If you study the cause of this pain, you will understand that there is no cause of this pain, and there is no pain. It's all dreamt up. It's all based on confusion. As soon as you... So, from the beginning, the practice of patience is really highly recommended, and is really essential and necessary. The ultimate fruit of the practice of patience is that other beings are transformed. Patience is the primary cause of enlightenment. In particular, among all the different kinds of dreams and discomforts we need to be patient

[47:21]

with, we must include among that array of discomforts, this awareness of this particular type of discomfort, which I propose to you, although it may be hard to understand with this kind, I propose to you that every person you meet, if you think they're not you, if you think they're external to you, not even every person, but everything that you think is external to you disturbs you, agitates you, annoys you. Everything that you think is external disturbs you. This is one of the things that the Buddhist ancestors have discovered in themselves, and then they check it out with other people and find out that to their satisfaction, everybody's mind is disturbed fundamentally by thinking that there's something external, and it really

[48:22]

exists up there. However, there's also, right now, going on at the same level, not the same level, but simultaneously, we've got another mind, not another mind, we have a bigger mind, so to speak, which doesn't think things are external, and therefore is not the least bit disturbed. To be integrated with, or to develop a rapport with this mind which doesn't think things are external, because it includes everything, so there's nothing outside of it, again, the entry to this is to gradually, more and more deeply admit the mind that does think things are external, by playing that mind thoroughly, in which reunion and integration with our fundamental undisturbed mind, in some sense our fundamental stupid mind, that doesn't

[49:25]

have the intelligence or the sophistication or the evolutionary status of imagining something that comes to itself, and then to attribute inherent existence to that external entity. So, what I'd like you to learn how to do, in the next five weeks, is I'd like you to learn how to be upright, and to use that uprightness as the gift to this awareness of self and other, and then, by studying this self and other dance, to start to see, more and more, how

[50:31]

the other makes the self, and the self makes the other, until you can realize that self and other are absolutely contradictory self-identical, that the other completely creates the self, and the self is absolutely, completely, in contradiction, identical to what it isn't. And if you study this, you will see this. You can see it, actually. On many, many levels, you can have many insights, even in these five weeks, about how that works. The entry point, the way to enter this study, is through uprightness. Uprightness will allow you to sit in the middle of this psychic process, and this pain and discomfort and confusion.

[51:42]

So you'll be in what we call the learning position, or the learning stance, in the midst of all that's going on with us. Uprightness. Uprightness, by itself, is almost identical, but not quite. I think uprightness will naturally open you to notice yourself, and how you misunderstand yourself, and how the way you understand yourself is causing you suffering. And I think uprightness will, again, open you to your work of study. But I still have to mention that it seems too inconsequential to be upright, to not lean forward or backwards, right or left, in every way that you can understand that. And with that stance, with that posture of life, and to study self-minded, to study the self.

[52:56]

And what will develop then from this is what we call the self-joyousness awareness. An awareness of the self, which is a kind of awareness, which is a joyful awareness. The usual way that we're aware of ourself is painful. Not only is it painful, but it's self-perpetuating, and endlessly self-perpetuating a painful and miserable pattern. And by studying this painful cycle of self-misunderstanding, there arises the end of this cycle, freedom from this cycle. But this is not easy. It's simple, it's fairly simple, but it's not easy, because you have to open up this illusion. I think we have to admit that we're deluded.

[54:03]

And most of us, I think, have a background of thinking and feeling that it's maybe disrespectful of ourselves to consider ourselves to be deluded. Or something like that. A lot of people might think we're being unrealistically self-perpetuating or something. But it's not really a criticism of us to say that, to admit that we're deluded. It's just, you know, nobody's not that way, so you'll just admit them in any situation. The Buddha himself was totally into himself being deluded. He understood delusion because he studied it firsthand, very deeply.

[55:05]

He saw that he was deluded. He was embarrassed about it, but then he went on to sort of put aside his embarrassment and studied what a delusion was. Confused, deluded, miserable creature he was. And he studied it all the way and achieved liberation from delusion. And then he even attained liberation from his liberation. Fortunately. Actually, right now, all of us are liberated from liberation, but we're not yet liberated from delusion. The reason why we're not liberated from delusion is because we haven't yet admitted it. Now, some of you may feel like you have admitted it, but most of us can do it more deeply and more often.

[56:11]

But not too often. The most dangerous, cruel people in the world are people who think they're never wrong, never deluded. They're the most cruel and dangerous people. Fairly nice people admit that they're wrong more frequently. They're cruel frequently. These are fairly nice people. The kindest, most gentlest people, most enlightened people are admitting that they're deluded all the time. Physically. For practical purposes all the time. Actually, there are some mis-phases in life, but from our point of view, it's like every second, every moment, they're admitting that you're deluded. And when you get to be at that level of admitting a delusion, you are a highly enlightened being.

[57:24]

And basically, you're free. Because you catch yourself in an act of delusion right on the spot, and therefore you're liberated from the delusion on the spot, moment after moment. Even while it's coming up, you just catch it and release it by calling it for what it is. In the Buddhist coronation ceremony, we have a confession at the beginning, and at the end of the confession, we ask and say to the people, even after achieving complete, perfect enlightenment, will you continue the practice of confession? I listened to that for many years, but then I finally realized that they were saying that even after you're a Buddha, if you don't be confessing, what would you be confessing? Would you be just kind of like, well, I'm still doing this, but really, I don't have any problems anymore? Would they just be going through the motions? I don't know. I don't think so.

[58:31]

I think that what's wonderful about the Buddhist teaching is that it is for regular people. And that no matter how high your enlightenment gets, I just say no matter how high it gets, it contributes. Because actually, when your enlightenment gets fairly high, you might get stuck there. And not want to come back down to the level most of us. We call you back, please come back, this is not going to work, come back. No thanks, I've had enough. I've actually got something in mind, I'm going to keep it. But actually when you get to the highest enlightenment, you have no problems giving it up and going back to the ground. With all beings, so you're not the least bit above anybody else. In other words, that you're willing to have in mind a total, massive, bottomless darkness.

[59:35]

That you're willing to have a mind, a karmic mind, a mind that thinks in terms of action, which is self-created, all by yourself, not in cooperation with the rest of the beings. That you are an independent operator in this world, doing things all by yourself, including practicing Buddhism by yourself. And this confusion, this karmic consciousness, is boundless and unclear, and there's no like fundamental bound at the bottom that you can rely on. Buddhists have no problem going back to that mind. And seeing it for what it is, and being released. As a matter of fact, they love to demonstrate that one can be released from the human situation. And that's exactly what brings them into the world, because they come into the world among living beings to demonstrate that there is a way to be free, even while being an ordinary human being.

[60:40]

So, I propose that the path of Buddhist teaching and meditation, and other people have different understandings of it, is not to get rid of the people in this room and get a new group of better people, but rather to use the people in this room as they are, to set them free from what they are. To use what you are, to become free of what you are, rather than try to make yourself into somebody else and become free of it too. That would work too, I suppose. The problem is, that if you're deluded, and I think it sets the idea right, if you're deluded in a predicted personality and you try to put yourself up for it, what is going to fix the situation? It just gets self-perpetuated. It doesn't work. There needs to be a complete reversal, a complete inversion in this process.

[61:48]

But the main inversion is not that you sort of become a different person. The main inversion is that you stop trying to become a different person. That's the most fundamental change. That's the most un-human thing. It would be that you would, instead of trying to fix yourself up or be better, or make other people worse than you'd be better, or whatever technique you have to jack yourself up or push them down, instead of doing that, you just practice uprightness in your own state. And that will open you up to the demonstration of the truth. So, maybe that's enough of an introduction to this. Do you have some questions about anything? A meditation practice or a piece that I was going to say? This is really a good practice, by the way. I was thinking of inserting myself in that scene where I was hit by a car.

[62:58]

I've been looking at it and searching for a relationship to help other people who are in trouble. I can feel the compassion within me. I'm a witness for the grander insight and the inner truth. I don't have that anymore. I'm just not in control of my own life. I feel that I need to find that. I was just saying, if I'm in control of my own life, it's because I'm so not in control of my own life. I don't know how much to lose. It won't come too late. It won't come too late. It won't come too late. It'll come exactly on time. However, if we waste time,

[64:02]

if we have all the time wasting time, we're going to be suffering and so are they. But it won't come too late. It won't come too late. You are protected from that. Or you're not protected from all the pain and suffering that you're going to experience and they're going to experience until you and I get to work. And it may be that you and I have to suffer a lot more before we get down to it. So, why wait? But also don't distract yourself from doing your work by worrying that maybe it'll be too late. Be careful to just go to work rather than thinking about that. Use that to get yourself to go to work. So, let's move. There are things, there are things, there are pitiful situations when people miss opportunities.

[65:15]

It is pitiful, it is sad. But that doesn't mean it's too late. It just means that they have to degrade themselves more before they go to work. Which is too bad. But that's what we have to do. Thank you. So, if one, if one, if one of the process is to admit delusions, and I think what's going on, for me in this process,

[66:15]

I mean, for me, I had a daughter, I think, I had two daughters at the same time. What we do is, I don't feel like I'm giving myself anything to enjoy. I just, I'm the one that feels like I need to break free from a lot of social conditioning that I That's twofold. It's conscious, and it's also unconscious whereby I form relationships in which I deliver and misinterpret information. For example, if I saw you as a benefactor of sorts, I would figure out some way to get this out of your relationship because it would get misinterpreted.

[67:17]

So all that conditioning of both the conscious and the unconscious is what I need to get this out. You know what? Take it in a court of feeling in which I say, all right, maybe there are only ways out than here. Maybe what I have to do is follow my subjective sense and my focus around it to see what is inside me rather than looking out for answers, rather than being anything, listening to anything. So then the question would be then, you know, that's something that I find really interesting.

[68:25]

I still find that I'm thinking a lot, et cetera, et cetera. If I'm to admit that I'm deluded, then who am I to trust? If you admit that you're deluded, who are you to trust? If you admit you're deluded, who are you to trust? I guess you trust the Buddha. The Buddha said, admit your delusion. So you're trusting Buddha when you admit your delusion. You're trusting the teaching that Buddha himself meditated on and admitted on numerous occasions how deluded he was. You're following the path of Buddha. You're trusting the path of Buddha when you admit you're deluded. That's what you're trusting. And I tell you that when you're admitting your delusion, when you're admitting your delusion, that's not delusion.

[69:30]

That's insight. That's the practice of confession that liberates you from your delusion. That's uprightness. So trusting doesn't mean... trusting means you do that. I think, isn't it true that people... don't you feel good about people who admit they're deluded and don't you feel worried about people who say that they're not? Yeah. And also, when people admit they're deluded, they can admit they're deluded in a way that seems like they go too far. They go too far. And you feel like they're distracting themselves from really seeing what it is by overdoing it. They're leaning too far forward into the admission of the delusion. Usually people are leaning too far back from the admission of the delusion. Well, I sort of... I was sort of... I kind of... But then sometimes they go too far forward. I think we feel good when a person comes right on to say,

[70:31]

I did it like this. I did this thing. This is, by the way, to remind me in response to Susan's question. And that is that, you know, your level of development is not something you do all by yourself, either. You're not doing this practice... The practice I'm talking about is not something you do by yourself. So it's actually everybody's working with you to have you be at the present level of understanding. You didn't get this all by yourself. And nobody else gave it to you, either. We have to accept our present role in this huge realm of awakening. Each of us has our present understanding. We have to work with this. We have all different understandings of how to live. The word that they use in Buddhism for practice

[71:35]

means, how do you take care of your life? Each of us has our way of taking care of our life. Each of us is practicing patience. Each of us is practicing some uprightness. Each of us is somewhat aware of our deluded nature. If you weren't somewhat aware of your deluded nature, you wouldn't be in this class. The only person to be in this class, unaware of his deluded nature, would probably be me. But I think I'm a teacher. Yes? I'm just sort of wondering about... I don't know much about deluding, but where faith comes in, because I feel like, you know, just probably 99% of us have this huge deluded need. And there's this little tiny piece of us that we can trust and that probably isn't that deluded. And that's the part that I feel like we can take a leap of faith on. And that it really does never fail. And the more you can trust it,

[72:37]

the more you find out that it doesn't fail, and it gets easier as you go. But trusting it, because it's so teeny, it's really hard. And it's very hard to find it amidst all the delusion. And so I'm just wondering, in terms of the philosophy of Buddhism, if there's any sort of correlation there with what we're working... Correlation with what you said? Yeah. With this teeny piece of you that you can't trust. Well, I wouldn't say it was teeny, I would say it's immeasurable. You say, in its fineness, in its smallness, it fits in the spacelessness. In its greatness, it is utterly beyond location. It's just you can't measure it. You could say it's so small, actually it fits into every single cell of your body. There's Buddhas in every cell of your body carrying on vast assemblies of teaching. Also, it's extremely big. I think smallness is one of the ways...

[73:38]

It can get into any place, it's so teeny. There's no way you can lose it, because it's everywhere in your body. Also, it's not limited to your body, it pervades all space. It doesn't belong to us, personally. And yet, we are the sights of it. And one of the ways you demonstrate your faith in it is to be upright. Just be upright. Check that out. Doesn't that sound, doesn't that seem... When you do it, you kind of feel you're entering, or it's entering you. When you're upright, you're open to it. And also, you enter. You embrace it, and it embraces you in your uprightness. Uprightness is faith. In other words, faith that you can be the person you are. And also faith that you can only be the person you are. That's also reasonable. But faith and reason go together.

[74:39]

They foster each other. Faith and reason help each other. It's reasonable that you can only be who you are, and you can only work from where you are. And yet, we don't act like that a lot of times, because we don't believe it. It's reasonable that we don't believe it. And when you believe it means, faith in it means, that you act like that. Like you're willing to be yourself. And you're willing to be admitted. Not just sort of, I'll be it, but I'm not going to. I'll look at it, but I'm not going to. No, you'll be it, and you'll admit it. You actively own it. You confess it. You confess that you're in this room, with this body, with this kind of posture, this kind of breath, these kinds of thoughts. And you trust that this is what you're supposed to work with. But again, a lack of faith is also not to pay attention to that. Be mindful of the demonstration of faith,

[75:43]

because when you're mindful, you're saying, well, the best thing to pay attention to, for starters, is what's happening with me. Because I've got to work from where I am. And in order to work from where I am, I have to be there to work with it. I can't work with where I am from slightly someplace else. Not even slightly. Well, you can work a little bit slightly someplace else, but it's really a lot like being completely someplace else. Whereas it is possible for human beings to be completely where they are. We can do that because we are that way. So, what's happening on your side is the best way to practice, I think. What's happening is people are deluded. And people are exactly deluded the way they're deluded. They're not generally deluded. They are generally deluded. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about not admitting that you're generally deluded, but specifically, right now, who do you think is not you? Like right now, I'm looking at Phyllis, which is not me.

[76:46]

Right now, that's what's finding me. Specifically, not in general, and not overdoing it or underdoing it. If you over-confess, that's a way to avoid the actual experience of what it's like to say, this is what I think is happening. When you hit it on the mark, you think you hit it on the mark. When you don't hit it on the mark, well, then you might think you hit it on the mark too. But sometimes, but when you do think you're not hitting it on the mark, you're right. You have a sense of that. No, that wasn't quite right. That's right, you're right. You don't need any help on that point. Except if you say, well, I've been hitting it wrong so long, I'm going to give up the whole project I've been trying to hit. I'm not even going to try to say who I am, or be where I am, because I'm so far off. That's laziness. That's the laziness of self-separation,

[77:50]

of self-discouragement. Yeah, but that's not a problem. Just admit that too. It's perpetual, never-ending, and it's not real. It's not real. It's not really that way. What delusion fundamentally is, is that I think here I am. The delusion is fundamentally, that, what did I say? The fundamental delusion is, I'm separate from you. But another way to say what delusion is, delusion is to think that there's a universe plus you. There's everything, and then there's me. There's a little bump on the universe. That's delusion. It's not really so, though. You cannot establish that. But that's what delusion is. That's why we say that's called delusion. That's what delusion is,

[78:51]

but there really is no such thing as a universe plus me. But that's the way I think. I come into a room, I'm already there, before I even get in the room. I come in the room, then there's me in the room. There's me and the people. There's me. Yes, there you are. I'm here, and then there's you. I'm here, and you're good students. You're practicing Zen. I say so. How about myself? This is delusion. This goes on indefinitely. Basically, infinitely, eternally. No problem. However, there is no such thing as that. That's just totally a figment of my imagination, which I will continue to imagine. And I don't need to stop. I just need to notice what I'm doing. That's delusion. And at that same place, where there's the universe plus this little bump, there's also kind of another place where there's the universe and then there's me. It's like there's a universe,

[79:52]

and there's one thing missing in the universe. There's one thing that's not there, and it's me. And that part perfectly fits on this part. Something extra and something missing. They fit together perfectly. The other way of there's the universe and there's me, that's called enlightenment. But that enlightenment is not the whole story. The enlightenment happens in relationship to delusion, and they fit together. And the total reality is that enlightenment and delusion are inseparable. So that's why you don't take away these deluded beings who think there's the universe plus themselves. There's that, and that totally constellates enlightenment. And enlightenment has no meaning aside from supplementing and telling the other side of the story of delusion. So it's not like enlightenment's the reality of the world. Enlightenment's only half the story.

[80:53]

It's the medicine for the deluded people. Enlightenment's not for enlightened people, but yoga is for stiff people. And those people, those people are supposed to go and lift weights. And then come back, get tense and stiff and come back and practice yoga. But we think dualistically, like, oh, there's enlightenment up there and delusion over here. And enlightenment's reality. But enlightenment is not reality, and delusion is not reality. There's no end to delusion, there's no end to enlightenment. There's no end to it, there's no end to anything. Except we think so, and it's delusion. We think that something ends. And we think we end, and that's how we create ourselves. We thought we ended, we thought this was the end of me, started with not me over there.

[81:54]

But before there was the end of this, and the start of that, there was no this, there was no self. There was no self for beings who don't have ends. Only beings who are aware of their own death have self. Biological life that doesn't have a sense of death does not have a sense of self. We human beings are examples of life that has the ability to imagine something external to itself, a death, and therefore, by that externality, they divide this into an individual, unique self. But the death has the birth of the self. So the death, the birth of the self, is identical with the death in the born. If you study this, you start to see this more and more deeply. What is death?

[82:56]

Say that again? I would say earlier I said that Buddha said that there is suffering. I said there is. But again, when I say there is, you maybe think I'm saying that suffering is. Like is is like the opposite of isn't. But when Buddha said that, he wasn't making an existential statement about suffering being in the category of existence. And like them, suffering goes away and is in the category of non-existence. So, Buddha does not say that death doesn't exist, or does exist, or life exists, or life doesn't exist, or death, or suffering exists, or doesn't exist. When we say there is death, and there is life,

[84:14]

and there is birth, and there is suffering, and there is practice, and there is enlightenment, when we say there are those things, we don't really mean that we're taking like the lead forward into saying these things exist. We use that language, but really we should have an upright attitude about what death is. We should know, we should treat death like we treat love. Namely, we don't know what love is. If you know what love is, it's gone. If you know what death is, it's gone. If you know what life is, it's gone. You lose stuff when you know that. Death, everything is a mystery, and uprightness is the proper way to study it. So, to lean into death exists, or does not exist, life exists, or does not exist, God exists, or does not exist, love is this way and not that way,

[85:15]

to lean into these, these ways of dealing with things, is not uprightness. That's not the way to find out about things, that's the way to sort of like project your understanding that you already have onto things, and basically continue your delusion, which is fine, but then admit that you're doing it. Admit it. I'm just projecting my delusion on what death is. I'm saying, well, there is death, according to my understanding of what is life, rather than, I'll be upright, and then death appears all around me. It's appearing all around me, I don't have to go, I don't have to admit, I don't have to say what it is for me to start feeling it. But I can feel it without saying, well, it's this or that. But also I will say it's this or that, but that's delusion. Death is, well, is a form. It doesn't get,

[86:16]

it doesn't fit into my little ideas about it. It's much more radiant than that. And life doesn't fit into my ideas about it, and love doesn't, and you don't, and I don't. But I do have ideas about myself, and my ideas of myself are simple misunderstandings. If I admit that they're misunderstandings, I can understand what the self really is. And one of the ways I can tell what my misunderstandings are is when my misunderstandings hurt, or disturb me. That isn't exactly the proof that they're misunderstandings, that's just a way to locate them. When I know where your misunderstandings are, they're hurt. If you look in the parts of yourself that don't bother you, you're not looking in the part that will show you how it doesn't work. It's right at the surface where the self meets the other feeling this. That's where you've been invaded, harassed,

[87:19]

or humiliated, or benefited, through increased profit, gaining something, losing something. At that surface is the place to look and that's where the pain is. And that's also where the truth is. The liberating truth is at that surface. You know, it makes you, you make it. It's where you come in the room, where you're across the universe, where the universe comes and makes you. It's where enlightenment and delusion play. It's an uncomfortable place. However, even though it's uncomfortable, I say to you, make yourself comfortable. I want you to be comfortable with the facts. I want you to be comfortable, I want you to be as comfortable as possible with the reality of your life. I don't want you to be uncomfortable. I want you to be at ease, and at peace, and patient,

[88:20]

and upright, but facing the facts. The name of the book is The Appearance of Suffering. There's some sad stuff going on. And another sort of principle which I would offer at the beginning, a little bit deeper, I hope, as time goes on. The principle is that by taking, or assuming, or accepting full responsibility for your actions, by accepting full responsibility for your actions, you will get the ability to respond appropriately. The ability to respond will come into your life, and it won't be because you're responding appropriately, but the appropriate response will be born to the one who takes complete responsibility for the fact that she thinks that she does these things by herself. Well,

[89:25]

literally, I mean your posture. All day long, when you're walking around, whatever posture you're in, be upright. Even if you're pulling or leaning forward, you know. You've got to be on the crew level as a three-year-old, and go like this, you know. Is there a way to be upright in this posture? How can you be upright in this posture? How can I be, you know, like, not up here, above where I am, or below where I am, back from where I am, or ahead of where I am? You can still be, you can still be pulling, you know. It's not easy, but it's simple. And when I hit that place of being upright, I know where it is, and I'm not ahead or behind myself, but to the right and left of myself. And it also applies to time, space and time. I'm not in the future, I'm not in the past. It's hard to talk about what's to the right and left of time. I'm not even delving into

[90:26]

existential positions I'm around. I'm not existing. I'm not saying I'm in. I'm not saying I'm not. I'm not saying I'm both, existing and not existing. I'm not saying I'm neither existing nor not existing. I'm just thus. That's the purpose. Here's a, here's a, here's a, the way the Buddha put it. He said, Dear disciple, please train yourself thus. Train yourself thus. That's the purpose. How do you train yourself? Like this. There you are. You're a woman near the wall with a blue blouse on and your arms are like this. And you're kind of smiling. That's how you should train yourself. I did that now. He said, When

[91:29]

in the herd there is just the herd, this kind of herd. And in the seen, he said, train yourself thus. Let there be in the herd just the herd. In the seen just the seen. And in the imagined, just the imagined, and in the thought, in the cognized, just the cognized. Train yourself thus. In the seen there will be just the seen. In the herd there will be just the herd. In the imagined, just the imagined. In the cognized, just the cognized. Yes.

[92:39]

That is how you must train yourself. Now, when in the seen there will be to you just the seen. And in the herd there will be to you just the herd. And in the imagined there will be to you just the imagined. And in the cognized there will be to you just the cognized. Then there will be no identification. You will not identify yourself with it. And for you there is just the seen in the seen. And you will not be outside yourself identifying with it. For you

[93:41]

there will just be the seen in the seen in all your work. And the herd is familiar. And the imagined, just the imagined. Like even if you imagine that you're here

[93:53]

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