I wanted to begin by saying a practical thing about the sitting posture. Some of you are way ahead of your legs crossed. I think maybe you can cross them in a more comfortable way. Lisa? So you were sitting, I think you had your leg on top of your foot, did you? Yeah? And it was uncomfortable? You know, I think, looking at your leg, I think you can sit like this. Can you sit like that? Move your front leg this way a little bit. I think if you'd like to be sat a little higher. Can you give me a look? Yeah, that's pretty far for me from the knee. Push it back a little bit.

[01:03]

You can hold the heel. You can double it up. Okay. Is it comfortable now? Yeah. For now. This is called perfect posture. Good. Yeah, like that. Like that. Like that. Like that. A lot of people, sometimes it's called Burmese style. And it's quite, not everybody's comfortable in it, but it's quite comfortable in terms of there's no bone on bone thing. So it's quite nice, quite nice like this. And I would suggest that you alternate it from period to period like that. Okay. Now, sitting like this is okay, but it does tend to, after a while, hurt the bone on bone thing. So it's okay if you're comfortable, but, yeah, a lot of you can do that.

[02:10]

Yeah. And let's see. Where is he? Huh? I sit in a full lotus with my feet up like this. And if you want to work towards this, there are exercises you can do to prepare for this. This is a really nice way to sit, but you should only sit this way if you have your feet way up here. You shouldn't sit this kind of way. It's not good. You don't want your legs like, your ankles twisted like this. But if you can get it, if you can get your leg up in your thigh, you're doing half lotus like this. You can also sit like this. This is nice. And you sit up high enough so you're not, if I sit, I have to sit up high enough so there's room here, right back here for my leg to go 100. Then it's comfortable. And by having the foot on the thigh, I find that by the pressure of the foot on the thigh, it helps me hold my hips, my pelvis vertically, very comfortably.

[03:26]

And I think consciously and unconsciously your body feels very secure and stable in this position. So you feel like you really can just really be here. I think this way, sitting like this is also fine. This kind of, like this where you can put a cushion under here, like you can also put cushions up underneath if you like. Like this. These bolsters are, these are blue bolsters. You sit with your leg on either side of them. And then you can have it quite straight back. And spread your knees a little bit so you have some lateral stability. You can sit quite nicely like this too. Jay, right? Jay? So, you were sitting, so your legs were kind of up. And I think, for me, if I sit my leg up like this, I start getting a strain here after a while. I think you almost can get your knees down.

[04:28]

But if you can't quite, then you can put these, a combination of sitting higher. Sitting higher generally brings your knees forward. A combination of sitting higher and putting a little bit under your knees so that you don't get a strain here. So, a little bit of a, a little bit off the ground maybe is okay. And maybe while you're sitting, it might go down. One. One. So, that looks more comfortable. I don't know if it is. Anybody else have their knees off the ground? Any questions about crossing the legs? Yes. This is okay too. Some people like this, they put the, put up here, this. Some people call it half a lily. So, I, my general word on that is that when they go to sleep,

[05:39]

if when you uncross them, if the sensation comes back in less than five minutes, two minutes or one minute, something like that. I mean five minutes is even kind of long, but basically if the feeling starts to come back right away, then it's, I don't think it's much of a problem. I've heard various theories about whether it's circulation, depression or nerve pressure. But it seems to be local rather than coming from the sciatic area. And it doesn't seem to be damaging as long as, I haven't heard of any problems as long as it comes back in a minute or two. But if it takes ten minutes to come back, or more, then maybe you should let me know. And I'll tell you. Or someone will be able to get you to know. Because that's too long. Two minutes is too long. And then you probably, then maybe you've actually deprived nerves of nutrition or something, and you might be killing them. But if the feeling comes back in less than a minute or two seconds,

[06:45]

it makes the walk a little bit easier. So, if you don't know how to walk with positive sensation, then maybe you just don't join the walking meditation for a while. I find that, if my legs fall asleep, if I just go like this, turn into this position, I usually wake them up. Or like this. I usually wake them up. Or sit on the edge of a chair or something like that. Do you have exercises you do to even help them to wake up? Yeah, there's a number of them. You know, the one that's the one that's, I think, the most common reason for people not being able to sit cross-legged is, I think, these muscles being tight. Well, of course, the knees being tight. But besides the knees, these muscles being tight.

[07:52]

And this exercise is quite good for that. This one. And I sit with my buttocks slightly raised, and just grab the feet like this, and sit with the back straight. If you do this, like, in the morning for five minutes, in the evening for five minutes, and then you just sit like this with your back straight, and then you just, on the exhale, just let your, just let them drop. Don't push them down, and don't let them drop anything. You sit like this, and you get surprised. For five minutes, you decide a day. And I think in a few months, most people's legs will be almost down to the ground. And then, and then you find, I think, sitting cross-legged is pretty functional, except for your knees. And there's, there's a, the best way for your knees to stretch is by sitting. Sitting meditation is good for your knees, and in the posture itself. There's also these kinds of exercises,

[08:52]

where you can put your leg up in this position, and actually bring your, bring your thigh, bring your foot up in your thigh, and try to get it, as I said, way back up in the corner, back in here. So that, so that your, your ankle is actually supported in the thigh, rather than this way, where the ankle is, is being kind of like bent, when you have your foot in the thigh, but not the ankle. So do it so that you actually have the ankle up in the thigh. And I, myself, when I do this, I have to sort of like work it around in there a little bit, so it doesn't hurt, so I don't feel like they're somehow being, pushing down the muscle against the thigh, but there's a way, it's sort of like getting in there where the thigh sort of muscle moves aside, and it sets right in the spot there.

[09:55]

That's one thing you can do. And you can just do this for, you know, what, 30 seconds? Just sort of, just try it out for 30 seconds. And then you can go like this. And just do it just for a little while. You see, you don't have your, you see, you don't have your foot up high enough. You have to, have to put your knee up in there. Your knee up in there in the first place? Maybe, I think, maybe, it's good to do this when your knee's down, so you can get your knee down. So I think before you lift your foot up, it's probably good to have your knee down. What do you think, darling? You don't need to pull this up until you can sit with your knee down like this. Okay?

[11:01]

But when your knee's down like this, you can get extra stretch by going like this. See, and then this is very close to the position. Once you get into this, you're pretty close. But starting like this, just start by this, switching back and forth, doing this for a few seconds. You know, you see, you gotta, you gotta pull your, John, you have to pull your knee over that way to get that knee. And your bent knee, you have to go back, you have to rotate your bent knee to get your foot back up on your thigh more. But don't, don't, don't push it, but just, that's where you have to, before this is gonna happen, before you're gonna sit in a good half lotus, I think you really should get your foot up in this crevice up here when you're thigh bending, up in here, in this place here. Just do, just do a little bit. Anyway, if you can't get up here, then you can go like this on both sides,

[12:02]

and that's very close to the posture. Another thing you can do, which is quite good, is, you can go like, lean back like this, and put your leg up on your, cross your legs like this, and then you can reach through like this and pull back like this. This is helpful too. And that stretch, stretches back across here, which when you sit cross-legged in a, well, particularly a half lotus or full lotus, if you sit a long time, some people get a kind of shearing feeling across here. So that exercise helps stretch across here. And it feels good to do it anyway, but it's quite helpful for sitting. Those are, those are the three, basically. And then sitting itself is, just sitting, sitting itself is the main way you're going to sit.

[13:02]

And it's just perfect posture, a very good posture, with a, you know, a good way for you to learn how to initiate your knees into this, into this posture, cross-legged posture. Any more questions? Yeah, sure. Pardon? I'm wondering if you have a problem with your knees on the ground. The knees on the ground, why are the knees on the ground? Which is a good question. But the most important thing when you're sitting is to get your back straight. So if you have a nice posture with your legs like this, but you can't get your back straight, whereas, for example, sitting in this posture, with a bolster between your legs, if you could sit straighter this way, I would choose the way you can sit straighter. Some people can cross their legs, but then they're bent like this for various reasons.

[14:05]

I think it'd be better to sit in a posture where you can get your back straight. I think that's the most important thing. Anytime. You can, you can stretch your leg later. But for the beginning of sitting, the most important thing is that you can make this effort to hold your back direct, and you can work with, you know, full range and the possibility of having a balanced spine. That's most important. So, if you have any problems with any of these cross-legged positions in your back being straight, then just postpone them until... I think actually also, doing exercises to stretch your hamstrings also helps. Instead of help your back. So, there's some simple hamstring stretches that can... There's ones where you just stand up like this, and you raise your foot, and each other, and then you can get back straight, and keep your foot straight,

[15:06]

and like that. There's tons of hamstring stretches also, to help your back. Any questions about the posture? So, I just want to remind you again, the mudra is like this, and I recommend that. It's the lips, there's actually a space in here. And the top of the mudra is somewhat flat. If you... My experience is that if my mudra ends up like this, either I get through, or I find that my influence is in a mudra like this. It's kind of not in that mudra. It's more in the excited, tense mood. And of course, this kind of mudra,

[16:08]

or this kind of mudra, is usually something you need to be aware of. So, the basic principle of meditation, or any kind of yoga practice, is somehow to be in between the tense, loose, what seems to be thought of as tense. Somewhere between those two. In a mudra like this, I think there's a good example of alert, relaxed, and also focused. The place where it happens here is touching, I know, hard, as I said. It's a whole piece of paper. A whole piece of paper, I guess. But, when you sit here,

[17:11]

you have to remember what that feels like. It wasn't quite crumpled. So, it's soft, and when I first started sitting, a lot of my nervous energy was manifested around people, so sometimes I felt like there was electricity across me. One time I went to dinner with one of my friends, and he stopped me, and he said, Hey, have you heard this phrase, Kutisana Nanda, lately? And I said, No. And he said, Well, it's this kind of thinking sound, and he made this sound, and I said, Kutisana Nanda. And he noticed that I was clicking my fingers. So, I think you can actually hold them together without clicking and pulling around. It's kind of a imbalanced state of mind, actually. It doesn't have to be active,

[18:12]

it doesn't have to be present, it doesn't have to be present, it doesn't have to be relaxed. And, again, perhaps the abdomen is what's fascinating about people touching my heart, but I definitely feel the contact. So, even through your clothes, if you put the hand, you can feel the abdomen. You can feel the temperature, you can feel the contact. And, I mean, for me, I saw a movie one time called Star Wars. Did you see that movie? And they have these spaceships in the back, and they have this spaceship, and then they have this thing where they'll be riding along, and then they have this kind of thing where they'll do this thing and they'll go, like this. For me, the difference between this kind of hand-holding and touching is that there should be another dimension

[19:12]

of attention. A little bit of, it's like money. Generally, I would say, I don't think the name is very well-located, of course, but we will see that there are highways, I'm not sure, but anyway. That's a nice way of saying it. But, generally, the palm is about 2 or 3 inches below the navel. Now, a really tall person maybe needs to be 4 or 5 inches below the navel. And some people, they just move like this. So somewhere, here's my navel, so somewhere around here, so that for the thumbs to come together, it is in with the navel and below. But you can vary this

[20:12]

according to where your arms are, and your shoulder, middle finger, find a comfortable spot. But I think for almost nobody is the right place above the navel, because it's kind of too high for almost everybody, unless somebody has really short knees. But almost everybody, if he looks better, it's going to look more synergistic. Another thing about this is that, I don't know as much about Indian yoga, but in Chinese yoga, Daoism and all that, this is a very important spot. Of course, this is a shock. In China, they call it the Tan Ding, or Tian Ding. It means the cinnabar field. It's a very important physiological location. So you put your hand right in that central place

[21:14]

of your body. If you sit cross-legged, and then, especially for lovers, if you sit cross-legged, you're in a position such that you can draw a line connecting your knees, your buttocks and your head. It forms a tetrahedron, which, as you may know, is the most stable three-dimensional solid. And the center of the tetrahedron is right there. So you put your hand right in the center of this geometrical space that you create by your cross-legged sitting. So it really is a well-worked-out discovery, actually, of human beings to sit like that. When I first started practicing Zen,

[22:16]

the meditation text that I read was written by a Japanese ancestor of our tradition. He said, put the left hand on top of the right. He said, in the full lotus, put your right leg on top of your left, and then put your left hand on top of your right. And then he said, put your left hand on top of your right. That was the instruction. He didn't say I needed to alternate it. So, I spent, you know, some number of years, more than a decade, sitting that way. Left on top of right, left on top of right. It worked out all right. And then, actually, I started reading some yoga teachers, and they said, why don't you switch sometimes? Don't you develop an imbalance by stretching one side differently from the other? And I said, well, yeah, but it says in the text to do it that way. And I studied Buddhism more, and I actually read some Indian meditation texts. In those texts, they said to put the right on top. Which

[23:18]

gave me a little sense of the range of flexibility. And then I also studied mudras and found out that actually there are different names for these different ways of doing it. Left on top of the right is getting more precedence to the passive over the active. It's more of a calming gesture. And the right on top of the left is putting an active on top of the passive. So it's more active, and it's called a different name, too. So the one where you put the left on top of the right is called demon-seduction. The one with the right on top of the left is called fortune-destruction. And then I actually asked one Zen teacher one time, I said, what about switching the legs? And he said, well, actually, it says in such a set of texts that you can switch. So I said, it's all right. I said, what about switching the hands? He said, well, it doesn't say anywhere that you can switch hands, so I didn't switch them. But anyway, I myself

[24:21]

switch my legs and my hands every other period. I've been doing that for about six years, switching. When I first started switching, I was sitting for about 20 some years, always left on top. My right, it was very different to switch. But now I can't tell which is which. After I got them, without looking, I couldn't tell what's what. The feeling is the same on both sides, but at first I couldn't tell which side was which one. When you cross your legs like this after a while, it does sort of blend in. I seem to be very used to rigid sticks being placed in place after a while. At first, rigid things

[25:23]

are being forced together. Definitely, that's what you're Any other questions about chemistry? Yes, ma'am. I have a question about what you were saying. Yes. Following the graph, I think what I was trying to do was to try to have a good relationship and I've noticed that even though I'm supposed to not be

[26:24]

in a relationship I still want to be in a relationship with you. Yes. Yes. Well, I have a lot to say about this is a very good question. It's very much about what I want to talk about. And basically I'll just say for now that what she just said is an example of what we call karma. What you just demonstrated there is human karma. You directed your attention you feel like you direct your attention to some tight spot in your body. You feel like you're breathing into some area of attention and you're directing your attention to that. This is like a way of thinking that you're doing. Strictly speaking

[27:28]

breathing with the attitude of I'm breathing is what we call karma. Breathing itself is not karma. But the feeling of I'm breathing is an example of karma. The feeling of I'm directing my attention towards this breathing I'm directing my attention towards this tension is a kind of karmic attitude. Action oriented. I am doing this. In terms of karma there are different kinds of karma. There are what we call wholesome karma and unwholesome karma. I think to direct your attention to think in terms of I direct my attention towards my posture is the example of wholesome karma. To direct my attention towards my breathing is also wholesome action. Wholesome karma. Harmony action. To develop

[28:31]

an image of my breath being sent towards areas of tension I would say also is fairly wholesome karma. Okay? But this is still in the realm of this kind of talking this kind of talking is still in the realm of I'm doing this. I'm directing my attention here I'm directing my attention there. I'm aware of this I'm aware of that. I'm paying attention to this and I'm not paying attention to that. This is normal human thinking. Normal human action. That action itself or rather just the action is not meditation. Meditation is I guess first of all the first aspect of it is to notice that what you're doing there is action. That you're thinking in terms of that you are thinking. You're thinking in that particular way. And the reason why you're thinking in that particular way

[29:32]

is what can I say? It's complex. How you came to make the decision to think about that rather than something else. How you came to have a breath in the first place. How you came to have attention. How you're interested in one tension over another. All these decisions and complexities of our thinking process are just that, the thinking. Meditation at the beginning anyway is to notice that that's what you're up to and then call it by what it is. Namely, this is a thought process. To just sit there and do that although it's wholesome is not really meditation. It would be very similar to shopping or changing a diaper or turning on public television with a wholesome intention. But that's actually a

[30:33]

this is just a little snippet of a larger thing I want to say tonight. So in that context it makes more sense I think. So I'd like to just review a little bit of last week and that is maybe start with a problem. A problem or a mystery whichever you want to put it. The problem is that most of us have some anxiety or if you don't have anxiety you're usually in some state of denial. And then I mean that's basically what seems to be going on. And some people of course in response to the anxiety do various things like then go into denial or try to blame it on somebody or try to get some other people to do different so that their anxiety will go away. Things like that.

[31:35]

Which then lead of course to more anxiety more fear even cruelty towards yourself and others. Or various kinds of things to numb us or help us deny the anxiety and the pain which then of course escalate into more pain and more denial. So we've got these problems right? These problems. Or another way to put the problem is we don't understand that a world with so many murders and drug addicted people and people being in other ways cruel and manipulative towards themselves. We don't understand that this is perfect. And that this is the absolute reality and it's just the most joyous possible arrangement that could ever be and nothing could be better than this. That's not a problem. Most of us

[32:37]

have a problem. Or when we think about that we just think we have some sort of problem. So this is the normal situation for what's called a living being. Living beings, generally speaking, are in this kind of situation. I propose that to you. It's just a normal situation. People are happy sometimes but even while they're happy if they're awake they notice that they're also anxious. That it's unstable. And the reason for this instability is just by the nature of the way the human mind works. And that it is a wonderful thing that it's just a wonderful thing, the human mind.

[33:43]

It's like just this rare and wonderful thing. And part of what it has come to be is it's come to be something that it becomes aware of itself. And I've been reading this article about it. This article talking about evolution. Was it about science and religion? And one part I liked in it said that most biological evolutionary biologists or biological evolutionists most of them now believe, although they say so, that it looks to

[34:45]

them that by watching the nature of evolution and how complex it is how people take things, it's inevitable that a being of high intelligence would evolve. And this article said to create a species with our essential property our human central property which this article says is to have an intelligence that becomes aware of itself and starts trying to figure out how it works. So the kind of intelligence we have is an intelligence that becomes aware of itself. But the way it becomes aware of itself, initially is that there's basically a misunderstanding of what the self is. And because of this misunderstanding of the way the self is we inevitably

[35:46]

experience misery. That's the basic situation we have evolved into a species that becomes aware of itself in such a way that it suffers. And it suffers in a way self-perpetuating kind of suffering that leads to more of the same and then also by the understanding of how that happens it also leads to more of the same. The misunderstanding is an endless cycle. The type of understanding that can naturally develop unless it's changed, will not stop. So what's required is changing the understanding of what the self is. So these suffering beings because of these suffering beings there is, as I said to you last week,

[36:49]

there is a teaching that these enlightened beings come forth in order to teach these suffering beings the correct understanding of what the self is. Because once we understand what the self is then the cause of the suffering is eliminated and the suffering doesn't occur anymore. Or rather it may occur but it is immediately antidoted by the correct understanding. So another way to say that is the processes that lead to suffering the processes of delusion which are kind of built into us still produce the misunderstanding and the misunderstanding still causes the suffering but then we can get so we see what the suffering is coming from and it's antidoted right there on the scale. And basically that's what meditation is. For most Buddhist practitioners

[37:49]

the meditation is to identify to notice the problem to see its cause and then to be relieved from it. So a general principle in Buddhism is that Buddhism doesn't like to go around and teach people about enlightenment although we sometimes get on to the topic because it's kind of neat to talk about it. Generally speaking suffering beings like to talk about enlightenment. They have a lot of things to say about it they're quite interested in it. It sounds like a good deal, let's talk about it. But Buddhism doesn't spend too much time talking about enlightenment except to the extent to propose that it's possible and then what generally we do is we

[38:50]

look at our weaknesses we look at our weaknesses and our illnesses we look at our problems and our delusions and by studying these weaknesses they turn in a sense and become enlightened qualities awakened qualities by studying them. So Buddhas you know, Buddhas are really they're like enlightened on top of enlightenment on top of enlightenment beyond enlightenment but the way they get enlightened is by studying delusion. They understand delusion that's what enlightenment is. Enlightenment is the correct understanding of delusion or it's the correct understanding of what the self is but basically it's the correct understanding of the misunderstanding of the self. It isn't like the correct understanding is out there and you find it exactly

[39:50]

although you do find it but you find it by noticing the incorrect understanding and you can find the incorrect understanding very easily because it's right around the misery. But it's hard but it's really hard to find it because although the misery is right there we tend to not be looking at it so because we're not looking at the misery and we've studied quite a bit about the misery we don't look at it it's hard to find that I can look at it. So this course has been called Radical Insight Radical Compassion Radical in the sense that it addresses this radical delusion the root delusion that all human beings share by the nature of our normal processes of exciting development. It's also a root

[40:51]

a radical in the sense that it solves a basic human problem and it comes down to a level at which it will solve the problems for everybody. There are insights in one sense there are insights at various levels but the most basic insight is also the highest. The insight about the most basic problems is also the highest insight. So I [...] think I brought up last week the idea of this upright sitting and so in terms of time and space in terms of space upright sitting

[41:51]

I mentioned is to not be leaning forward or backward right or left in terms of time upright sitting is not to be leaning into the future or the past upright sitting is to be right here now. So and that kind of stays time description of uprightness. Another way to talk about it is what's required to to to be upright part of what's required there is to use the word renunciation we need to practice renunciation in order to be upright. We need to renounce the past and the future we need to trust now it's hard to trust now

[42:52]

what if I don't think about tomorrow what if I don't plan tomorrow well you want to forget my address? We have various habits of leaning forward in time and space and we think what would happen to us if we didn't or checking backwards now what did that person mean to me yesterday? Wouldn't it be foolish to remember and go back there and check it out and hold it against me and protect yourself from whatever We have all kinds of reasons for not renouncing past and future and putting the head behind ourselves. We have all kinds of reasons and we need to renounce all of it we need to basically in order to be upright we have to give up absolutely all of our human trips

[43:56]

I mean all of it I I thought about telling you this before I told you and I thought this is kind of heavy but then I thought well I only have five weeks and if I could tell you people well you sort of have to a little bit give up something sometimes and then by the end of the class I tell you well actually you have to give up everything then if you're going to walk out the door in shock so I thought it would be better to shock at the beginning and then maybe I can help you recover from the news over the next few weeks not kind of like turn but actually still be holding on to it a little bit completely flip you have to give up

[45:02]

karma now to get rid of karma that's not giving it up a lot of times we're trying to get rid of karma that's another kind of karma get rid of this kind of karma let's get that get rid of this kind of action let's do this kind of action that activity I'm not saying you should stop doing that either stopping doing it is more of the same thing I'm talking about give it up give it up is more of a radical shift than to try to stop it stopping action is more real action based on the same system of understanding that I'm going to stop it or me and my friends are going to stop it or I'm not going to stop it and they're going to make me stop it

[46:03]

this is still the same realm of misery giving it up totally new game that's what's needed that's called renunciation the karmic world is the world where I am an independent operator and I think that way because I think I'm an independent operator and when I do things I think I'm independent from other people by definition if I wasn't independent I wouldn't be me, I am not you therefore I do things beautifully that's the understanding of karma giving up karma is like giving up self what's necessary is to embrace a practice basically that you can't do

[47:05]

which means to embrace a useless practice which means to embrace a selfless practice again there's lots of practices that you can do which are wholesome and if you do those wholesome practices for long enough eventually the merit of doing those wholesome practices we need you to be able to someday do a practice that you can't do embrace, venture into or live a practice that you cannot do any practice that you do is based on selfishness to do things for other people to live for the benefit of others is good, but it's not something you can do I can't do

[48:16]

being kind to you a lot of people think they can and they go around doing, being kind to people they decide they do it the other people have to take it because they're doing kindness you have to accept how could you not? I'm doing kindness to you kindness is not one direction trying to be kind is nice, I have nothing against that it sounds good but actual kindness is not one sided it's not done by one person to another actual kindness is just that and nobody does it and both sides are recipients so upright sitting is to sit while understanding

[49:18]

that this practice of upright sitting is not just a thing you can do so while you're sitting hard you're doing things you still are sitting there thinking that you're doing something you think you're breathing you think you're sitting up straight you think you're paying attention to this or you think you're not paying attention to this you're still there karmically operating so again giving that whole approach up is what we call zazen or upright sitting but giving it up does not mean that you stop sitting there thinking that you're a person who's sitting there doesn't mean that you stop doing that it doesn't mean you start doing that you do whatever you do as you always have been doing whatever you think you're doing so what is the

[50:19]

giving it up thing? how can you practice a way that you can't do it? well part of the way you do it is by confessing what you think you are doing so another part of this renunciation in a sense is to confess your karma to confess that you think you're doing things to confess your karma which is to confess your self delusion which is to confess that you believe that you're independently existing that you do things and to do that confession

[51:20]

or that assume or vow that completely and again the principle here is the way to say it is at the extreme assumption of your deluded activity at the extreme confession, at the full confession of your deluded activity at the full assumption of your action at the tip of that you will realize what you can't do you will realize it you will receive it for what happened yes it's a long time process? I suppose a lot of people feel the pain

[52:22]

in their mind so we're talking about a very very long time what happens in the maturing phase how can you let go probably what you're speaking about takes years probably but not necessarily you might be able to do it right now because it's just simply a matter of basically you will have it some people never do it for many years and they still don't feel it so he said that you're sitting there and you just have that pain thoughts happen to you so again, pain is not karma a sensation is not karma

[53:23]

karma is that you karma comes in three varieties, action comes in three varieties action is something that a self thinks it does it makes sounds, voice vocal karma physical karma, postures and mental karma, thoughts thoughts thoughts are fundamental you perceive the positive in the voice these are the three kinds of actions that we're involved in those are happening right now, beginners have that too advanced people have it too so what's required of both beginners and advanced is that they observe these actions however, beginners don't necessarily even notice that what they're observing is karma which is okay but as soon as possible they should notice but not only are they making postures and making sounds not only do they have thoughts but these thoughts

[54:24]

are also coming from a place where the person thinks that they're doing it but what I'm recommending is a fast way to get into seeing your delusion is this uprightness which you could say takes years but you could also say it took and Buddhists do say this that it took innumerable lifetimes to get where you are now for you to be in the position you're in right now to have this conversation with me has taken an incredibly long time has been a very long spiritual evolution so, in one sense you're saying gee, it looks like it's going to be a long time until this happens but from another point of view it's like this has happened and what you're talking about is like that it's like that compared to where you've been but from your point of view, looking just from right now

[55:26]

this moment here, until when that happens to you it looked like, well, years maybe years, right? but from Buddha's point of view it looks like that it looks like you are, from Buddha's point of view you are like just a hair's breadth away from settling to another that's what they say you're very close even though it may take you 20 years to settle or 30 years, or 6 lifetimes it's nothing compared to where you've been you've been working a long time to come down to this point you have awareness of self you have awareness of karma you have awareness of thoughts and pain this is incredible that you have this awareness this clarifying this is it's a tipping point it's a tipping point it's a tipping point

[56:27]

the question is do you follow, do I follow my thought to the tip do I follow my posture moment after moment to its tip do I follow my voice moment utterance by utterance to the tipness to the whole heartedness of each thing I do and the answer for most of us is no 1%, 80%, 95%, 99%, 99.6% but we can be 100% because in fact we do these things 100% it's a question of awareness but if you miss a little bit it does not count you have to go all the way because the slightest bit of holding back holds you back one thread can hold you back that's why you have to give up all human trips

[57:27]

in order basically to be what you actually are and you don't have to like crank yourself over into another person we're talking about realizing what you actually are and we have the mind which makes us a little bit or more or less off center from the other that's why we need to be willing to do a practice that we can't do because the slightest bit of doing causes this deviation causes this anxiety the anxiety we feel is from greater or less deviations of being willing to just be what we are and we have all kinds of excuses and reasons for why we have habits of not being what we are but I understand what you're saying

[58:33]

you're kind of saying well while we're warming up to this what are we going to do? well I would say what you're going to do, you're going to be warming up to this you're basically going like this hum hum hum you're balancing, you're balancing you're balancing and you've been doing that for a long time and to wonder how long it's going to take is another little bit of a vibration to make deals with yourself about how long you're going to put up with this is another little vibration but we must as far as I can tell as far as I can tell certainly in the tradition of and I can't see any other way we must be balanced if you're a little bit off if you're a little bit off you may fall slower in your way if you're a little bit off

[59:35]

so one way to come back on is to go back in the direction in the direction that you're falling but you've got to go back not too far otherwise you'll fall in the other direction but it's hard to come right back to this isn't it? it's hard to like pull yourself back and not go too far okay so this uprightness is the gate to the awareness of what your self really is like and this awareness is sometimes the awareness of what the self is actually like is sometimes called the awakened mind

[60:38]

and the awakened mind is that mind that I said at the beginning is the mind that wants to teach beings how to be free it's the core of that mind but also part of that mind is understanding how to be free and the way of understanding how to be free is to understand what the self is because the freedom basically is freedom from misunderstanding the self so this is also called self-fulfilling awareness in the sense that the sense of self that we usually have is fulfilled with has become a different understanding of the self and the entrance into the meditation of this self-fulfilling awareness is this uprightness you can't do uprightness

[61:44]

you have to give up everything you can do again giving it up means to observe and confess all the things you're doing so if you're sitting upright as best you can to set up straight to some extent you're sitting moment by moment we think we're doing that so a beginner thinks they're doing it an experienced meditator thinks they're doing it sometimes beginners as far as I can tell are really pretty fully admitting what they're doing partly because it's so difficult for them they're really like doing this and doing that they really are aware of it

[62:46]

and more experienced people it's like a child learning how to walk when they first learn how to walk they're kind of like I'm walking they're really excited it's not like they don't take it for granted they're like I'm going forward no, I'm going back they're actually aware of this balancing process they're kind of like feeling all these little things the more experienced walker hardly even notices that they're doing this balancing thing they actually are aware and they are doing it but in some ways they're not as aware of it they're not as thrilled by their ability to balance so the beginner does have some sense of what they're doing of their effort so we actually do do something in the practice but the doing it

[63:47]

is not the practice that's just taking your karma and applying it to this ritual of sitting as a way to start noticing your deluded activity it's almost like sitting can actually take you away getting too good at the sitting can actually take you away from getting too good at the sitting or getting too good at the sitting in other words, starting to think you're getting so good at the sitting can take you away you can get so good at yoga that you lose track of your delusion and it's still there bright and shining but you don't notice it delusion is actually delusion is actually enlightenment the way delusion really is is complete utter bliss

[64:47]

we don't understand it because we don't study it completely and you get so good at things and you get to be such a healthy person that you miss the opportunity that being a healthy person is setting up you have to be fairly healthy to be able to admit that you're deluded some people are so unhappy they have such miserable existence that they can't bear to think on top of all the other problems they've got that they're deluded isn't it bad enough that I've got such and such and so and so now you're telling me I'm deluded too well forget it! and you don't tell people like that that they're deluded you get dressed and they want some water or you say we're going to cook dinner for each other or you give them a massage they're not ready to hear this but you people I can see pretty much

[65:52]

you're not that depressed and you're sitting pretty straight you're pretty close to being able to accept the fact that you're totally deluded you're pretty close although it seems somewhat irritating but it is irritating being deluded is irritating as a matter of fact it is the reason why you're irritating and it is the reason why you will continue to be irritated until you understand this and it will not stop ever until you see through this you must give up your human trips human trips are basically not to look at the delusion and to act from it that's the usual human trip it's the enactment of delusion we must give it up and turn our direction towards the simple fact we're deluded this is a sign of great help

[66:52]

courage honesty and wisdom however the wisdom will get deeper and deeper the more you study the delusion and Buddhists have studied delusion the Buddha studied delusion so long that he had this fantastic understanding of delusion that totally liberated him but if you look at Buddha his early years he looked at himself and he was embarrassed he noticed like ordinary troublemaker on the street the way they acted and he said I act like that and here I am like a prince with all these advantages and we haven't yet sought past lives which you later saw but this is an incredible spiritual being this incredible spiritual evolution that brought him to his final birth

[67:55]

and he could see that he still had the ways of thinking and acting like ordinary bum on the street and he was embarrassed he said one time he said you know like everybody gets old you know and gets kind of shriveled and sick and you know all that stuff and ordinary people know that but here I am I see old people and when I see them I kind of feel kind of yucked out it's very embarrassing and that's the way the Buddha was before the Buddha was enlightened the Buddha was just a mess the difference is he admitted and he was embarrassed he was thoroughly embarrassed he visualized embarrassment and he noticed how he was he was a healthy guy a nice upbringing you know so

[68:56]

not everybody is fortunate enough to have a good upbringing so that they can face a delusion and I hope you people can face it I hope I can face it it's not easy facing a delusion is not a human activity it is a Buddha activity human activity is to be deluded and think it's truth and to talk about enlightenment and to look away from pain that's right around the delusion which sort of indicates that there is something funny about it and not to notice that there is something stinking in Denmark that's not an ordinary human activity now Hamlet noticed that something was wrong but then he started doing all this karma mental karma first to be or not to be and then later he started acting bumping people off, putting on shows and what did he come up with? readiness in other words

[69:59]

just be upright that's what he came up with but he was already set in motion there was stuff that had been crashing down on him so this wonderful guy we didn't get to see him in his old age so as soon as possible we should start practicing readiness readiness means being present, living now watch the show of delusion watch the show of thinking that you're right or watch the show of thinking the way you think like today we're talking about

[71:02]

designing a building down in Kasa Haram and they're building a porch there and people sit on the porch in the summertime and they sit on the porch and they used to sit on the porch and smoke cigarettes and sort of yell at people when they walked by and stuff and so I was thinking, well I said that to people I said, yeah, people sit on the porch and smoke and they said, no they don't and I said, they don't smoke on the porch anymore? and they said, no and I said, well how long has it been since they haven't been smoking? and they said, a long time and I said, really? how long? and I was pretty sure it hadn't been very long I thought I would know and this person says, as long as I've been here I didn't press it I didn't press it somewhere in there I started to catch myself to realize, well you can go on a trip about this and try to get a clue

[72:03]

that it's only been such and such a long time Do I mean it doesn't matter? Do I mean it doesn't matter? This just came to my head We must get to the place We must get to the place where we realize that I think we should say we must but it may be the case that we need to get to the place where nothing matters not just for the satisfaction but where nothing matters in order to realize that everything matters

[73:05]

it's radical for the advanced people too but you can't force yourself into the position of where nothing matters I'm not saying to do something to yourself to get to the place where nothing matters to think that I'm just saying that you sort of the place where nothing matters switches over to where everything matters in other words you appreciate everything and I'm not saying to go around and say well it doesn't it doesn't matter whether actually the people stopped smoking two years ago or they stopped smoking a year ago I'm not saying that doesn't matter I'm saying I watched myself think that it did matter whether I was right or they were right I noticed that that was where I was at like those people smoking

[74:16]

they've been smoking a long time I don't want them smoking a fortune or a million people when they're walking by in a monastery this is my value system coming into play here it's not that I say I shouldn't have those values but I was kind of caught by them and on the other hand being caught by them was kind of fun and I noticed something about myself and I noticed that I thought that those people who thought that the smoking had stopped a long time ago I thought they were kind of like well wrong I'm not going to go to war over this but some people might the fact is that I did care whether people were smoking on the porch or not I did care about whether this person

[75:18]

was right or not I did care about it so I'm not saying I shouldn't have been that way what I'm saying is what I feel good about is that I noticed that I did care and I did think that and I did think that they were wrong or I did suspect that they were wrong or I didn't wonder if the point really did happen actually I kind of thought they were smoking right up until like yesterday anyway and everybody said no no they quit quite a while ago but I'm suggesting to the beginner or advanced I'm saying I suggest to myself that I noticed how it was for me to be in that room thinking about these people smoking hearing from these other people that they weren't not really adjusting to the information and kind of like saying oh no no no I'm going back to court that's what I was doing I'm not saying I shouldn't have I'm not saying I shouldn't have thought

[76:23]

that people were smoking I'm not saying I shouldn't have suspected that people weren't right when they were doing it what am I saying? I'm saying I observed what I did believe and I observed the results of me thinking that I was right whether I was right or not we can sort of figure that out I can say just a second I want to stop this meeting I want to find out when did smoking actually stop who's got the data when did it stop? who knows when it stopped who said it was going to stop? was it a mandate of some authorities? I wasn't consulted when did it happen? I could have done that but what I'm saying was that aside from that what I did was I got into the thing of is my reality right or is their reality I did have a belief I was admitting what I was up to and I noticed that prior to that

[77:23]

I was just caught by what I believed and what I thought was true and that changed my perspective on the other people I watched all that happen is that for a beginner? I think so, a beginner could notice that my daughter I told this story many times my daughter had a friend visiting and staying over night and her friend's mother came the girl let him jump on the girl let him jump on her mother's lap and he kicked her and stuff and he left and he left and my daughter said did you see what she did she jumped on her mom's lap just to make me jealous and then later she got on my lap she got on her mother's lap and the mother said now did you get on my lap just to make your dad jealous and she said no so did you see how she got on the other kid's lap that wasn't to make her jealous said well I'll give him that chance I'll watch her at school

[78:30]

tonight so she did and she came home and she said I watched her and I noticed that I got angry at her for what I was thinking about so I was getting irritated at this woman at that meeting today who was telling me that the smoking had stopped as long as she had been there I was getting kind of angry at her because she was giving me this information which I really was wondering was she right or wrong or lying by the way I was thinking I was getting a little upset about what I was thinking I'm not saying I shouldn't have got upset the point is I got upset about the way I was thinking and I learned something about the way my mind works now I also a little bit thought well I'm not going to do that anymore but there's another thing I thought I don't want to be so petty as to be concerned about that kind of stuff but I will be again but maybe next time

[79:31]

I'll be a little faster to enjoy the meeting maybe not but I haven't practiced in a long time and I'm still doing that kind of stuff but the point is I could have noticed that as a matter of fact I did notice that kind of stuff when I was first practicing too and my daughter hasn't even started yet but she's noticing it so I think you can notice that as a child as a beginning of learning student and as a more experienced learning student I think you can keep catching yourself at your delusions and you'll notice how painful and embarrassing it is to believe in your own version of reality yes so what how do you explain yourself when you know that you're delusional and that you don't even want to be and how do you explain your actual feelings I gotta like I feel like I'm too delusional and my happiest moments are when I know that I don't want to be but in knowing that it's very difficult sometimes to explain

[80:34]

how you make decisions how can you trust yourself when you know that you're totally delusional well you can't you can't how do you explain that well it's true if you know you can't trust yourself you don't have much to explain but if you stay that way long enough you will realize who you are and then you will come then you can trust yourself because you will understand when you understand something deluded the way you when I understand I'm deluded the way I act is somewhat illuminated by my understanding of my delusion then I don't come from the delusion or if I do come from the delusion then I know that I just made a mistake so I don't have to explain anybody

[81:35]

I can just say it's not an explanation I can just say I did a wrong thing because I was deluded I looked at the person and I thought about them and because of the way I thought about them I got angry at them and I punched them I punched them because of what I thought they were I thought they were monsters so I punched them nobody else in the room thought they were because nobody else thought they were so nobody else hit them so why are you hitting me? because I thought they were monsters so I can explain why I did it now if I know that I'm deluded and I say to myself which I have said to myself I actually said to somebody one time if I believe what I thought about you I knew that I was I knew that I was fantasizing what I was thinking of her she was screaming at me this person was screaming at me during a meditation retreat and I had this thought of her

[82:38]

and I said to myself and I said to her if I believe what I thought about you but I didn't believe her I knew it was just something I thought of her but she wasn't really what I just thought and now probably some other people might have thought that some other people wouldn't have thought that some other people might have been watching and saying that lady is really upset poor thing but me, I thought this was a demon here a monstrosity she's only about 5 feet tall but she's a monstrosity so since I knew I was deluded I knew she wasn't really what I thought I caught myself I knew it was an illusion so my action was to sit there and listen to her because I could explain my decision that I was sitting there and taking it because even though I thought she was such and such I knew that was just an illusion other times

[83:40]

I caught by the illusion and then I got in big trouble you can allow the person I didn't follow that what I'm saying is you are admitting what you think of the other person and if you can admit what you're thinking of them you set yourself free of their own thoughts you know I couldn't do that I thought she was a demon if I just said she was screaming at me if I just said hey we got this lady screaming she's exercising her vocal karma sometimes people are screaming at me

[84:43]

and what I think they're screaming at me I think they're saying I love you and I think now this is a really intelligent person what a nice person they're so nice they're right on there this is just exactly what I wanted to hear that's good even louder, sing it from the highest hill I think that's cool right sometimes however I just look at the person and say this person is yelling, this is a yelling person they're not saying they love me, they're not saying they hate me they're not attacking me, they're not praising me this is a yelling person that's also sometimes I see that but what I'm saying first of all is is what do I think is going on and to notice that what I think is going on is just what I think is going on what I think is going on is not what other people think is going on it's just a delusion and it causes me suffering probably in that case

[85:46]

I noticed it and as a result I just sat there and listened but I still felt that this person was not just yelling was not telling me she loved me she was doing something, I forgot what it was but sometimes you just think oh the person is yelling like we sit here we hear somebody yelling on the street it doesn't sound like it's dangerous or something they're just yelling we just sit here and listen to it but because of what we think we just sit here and listen to it they yell a different way we say oh we should go out and do something about that and maybe we should but we should know I would say we should know when we run out there even though it sounds like somebody is being attacked but that is a delusion you get out there and they are being attacked so you say see it wasn't a delusion I still say it was a delusion what was it that was happening however you do get out on the street and in that case you can protect the person from the attack

[86:47]

but what if you get out there the same information and they're not being attacked in both cases it's a delusion but in both cases you could go out there not knowing whether this is true or not and wait until you get there to find out and then in the case where you're wrong you won't make a mistake because you know that you weren't sure in the other case when you're right in a sense you seem to be right then you can do the appropriate thing hearing the sound of a screaming person and knowing what that means is self-righteousness by yourself you're right by yourself you know what's happening that's being caught by your delusion how is the person on the street being attacked you're right they have to figure that out that's another discussion about finding out where they're at

[87:51]

how the person is attacking you the person is being attacked I think that's a different discussion I'm not going to talk about that or if I'm the person in the street that's not quite what you mean you're the person in the street how are they deluded how is their thinking in some cases what you find out if it looks like a person is being attacked but they don't feel that way sometimes they think this is fine with me you can say [...] well usually it's not that way when somebody is yelling at them often it is that way usually when people are yelling at somebody the other person doesn't like it good bet but sometimes when the person is yelling at them

[88:54]

it's because they just yelled at the other person before you shouldn't necessarily intervene you don't know or sometimes the person who is yelling has just been attacked sometimes it's been yelled at mothers that sometimes happens somebody steals from the person and they scream at them so what should you do in a case like that basically I'm suggesting that kindness is not one sided you can't decide by yourself right but human beings generally speaking most people I know think that they can decide what's right all by themselves this is a normal human situation and most people

[89:54]

will say well yeah that's right I can that's right I think that is true I do not know anybody who doesn't act ever I don't know anybody who doesn't act if you hear a cry in the street and you don't go that is an action if you hear a cry in the street and you sit in this room and don't go that's an action it's called an action of sitting in this room it's as much of an action as walking out the door a few people walked up these stairs and came in this room and sat down that's an action and you're going to get up and walk out of here with this action nothing will stop your action the consequences of that action the consequences of that action

[90:56]

the consequences of that action every action has a different consequence that's the the point you were talking about you were saying most people think they are right and as we act some of the time we are consciously making what we think or hope or expect is the right decision the right action the abilities that are drawn sometimes we have to act and mostly we wish to act correctly I do generously you do I do in this room you do I do

[91:58]

I know a lot of people who really want to hurt a lot of people and those people at that time are not so precious in that case they will do damage to us because they don't think that they do good

[92:21]

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