It may not sound like some of your ideas of Zen meditation, so it might be helpful if anybody has any ideas about what Zen meditation is. Zen meditation is, you know, is just the actuality. It's just actuality itself. It's just what's happening, actually. And most... I think most people think... Most people who are interested in Zen meditation, and I think Buddhist meditation in general, they think it's something that they do. And a lot of people think that, or most. But I think that the meditation of the Buddha is not something that the Buddha does. and it's not something that I do or you do. Now there are kinds of meditation which you could think that you do.

[01:14]

In other words, according to your idea that you are this a separate being who acts upon the world or acts upon your body and mind, this perspective is quite common in the world, right? I do this, I do that. But this is based on the idea of I separate from that. I do that which is not me. I do a meditation practice which isn't just the same as me. Does that make sense? And so that's the way a lot of people approach meditation, even Buddhist meditation. But I'm proposing that the Buddhist meditation is not a meditation that a person does. A Buddhist meditation is, well, it's... One way to put it is it is what's happening.

[02:22]

And another way to put it is, it is the dropping away of the ideas of your body and mind, or your body-mind experience. And your body-mind experience is often that there's you separate from me, and there's you who does this and I who do that. So in the dropping away of that understanding, there's nothing left but simply what's happening. There's no longer attachment to the body-mind experience that you are separate from others or that you are separate from the practice. But even before you might realize the letting go of this approach, in fact,

[03:31]

This approach of you doing, you acting upon the world, you separate from the world acting upon the world, you separate from the meditation doing the meditation, or you separate from the meditation not doing the meditation, even before that perspective, that normal body-mind perspective drops away, even before you realize the dropping away of that, it is actually already happening that it's dropped away. So you don't even do the dropping away of your usual perspective that you do things. That perspective is normally and constantly dropping away. But if you ignore that and you actually think that it's not dropping away, then you don't realize this dropping away of that perspective, if you attach to that perspective of you doing things, then you can't see how that perspective, which is a normal body-mind perspective, is actually not holding sway.

[04:47]

It's just a little idea that's included in everything that's happening. just be here and let it be the way that it is. Yeah. And then the moment after you said that, the piano stopped playing. Mm-hmm. And it became silent. Mm-hmm. And in my mind, I said, oh, he said that, and then that happened. Mm-hmm. I just, I automatically think things like that about meditation. Mm-hmm. But it sort of has a magic thing, and that you do a magic thing. Uh-huh. Well, that did happen, and I said that, and the music stopped. But it could have also happened that the music would get louder. And that when the music got louder, it could happen that you realize the dropping away of your experience of the music, and then you could think that I had something to do with that, too.

[06:03]

And I do, but, you know, I'm just part of the whole picture. So I'm part of what's happening, too, tonight for you. So I'm not cut off from the happenings, but I'm also not acting upon them. I am... What? I'm just a body-mind concoction. which is constantly dropping away. And the meditation is to appreciate that constant release from your own experience, which means constantly not being attached to your own experience. And not being attached to your own experience goes with not seeking anything other than your own experience. So not seeking anything other than what's happening and not attaching to what's happening are closely related.

[07:16]

Truly not seeking anything other than what's happening is the same as not attaching to what's happening. But it might be possible to... fairly well realize non-seeking of anything other than this while still attaching to this. Say, okay, I'm not seeking anything other than this, but I want to keep this. But true non-seeking also includes not holding on to this. But the actuality is that this cannot be held on to because you are not something separate from your experience. You're not something in addition to what's happening for you. You're not something in addition to actuality. There's not actuality plus you.

[08:24]

There's not Buddhist practice plus you. And people do not do Buddhist practice. People do deluded activity. But it's not truly happening. They just dream that it's happening. It's not really true that people are doing deluded activity. It is true that they think they are doing such and such an activity. which I say is deluded because people think that they do it, rather than the body-mind creates this sense of a separate self from others or from activities which that separate self practices or enacts. So the meditation is first of all not seeking.

[09:28]

And like I said last week, it is a sense of accepting that there's no alternative to my present experience. There's no alternative to it. And it's not like a position you take, like there's no alternative. It's more like, well, it's a position, but not like a position that you hold to again, but just, it's your posture. Your posture is, I'm here and i'm not someplace else and i have to be here just because i am and i can't be anywhere else because i'm not and i accept my i accept my excuse the expression destiny at the moment anyway jim why does Why does every individual, every human on the planet have this construct of being separate from everything else? Okay. No, you're saying why.

[10:32]

He asked me a why question, okay? And I usually don't answer why questions, but why questions are... Just a second. Why questions are often answered by science, not by Buddhists. I would suggest the Buddhist answer would be how. How does your mind create this sense of self and other? The scientific answer, however, will come to why. And I would say the why of that is what I would call the why is for power. I think that the self other thing is a power trip. that was, that has developed among living beings. That the sense, the ability to like see something outside yourself as separate from yourself, that perception is a very powerful breakthrough in, you know, biological consciousness.

[11:34]

So is it that we're just uninvolved to the point where we don't understand that and that We're unevolved to understand what? Why do we need to decop this? Why is this unnatural? Why do we need to decop Buddhism? Oh, why do we need to decop Buddhism? Because it's an antidote to what happens to a human being with a normal genetic and biological makeup in a normal human society is that human beings interacting with other human beings in a normal, healthy way will develop a sense of a self separate from others. This is a normal thing to happen in human society. Okay? And that human society is based on the sense of separate self, self separate from others, personal identity.

[12:36]

And we suffer because of this. This is the basis of our anxiety. This is the basis of our cruelty and fear, the sense of separation. But there's no healthy way for a human being to avoid developing this sense, this delusion. You can't avoid it. You have to go through the process of becoming a normal human being. If you don't go through that process, you are what is called handicapped or retarded. And then basically the other humans, the normal humans, take care of you because you can't participate in human society, which is based on this delusion. And Buddhism is a response to the suffering that this deluded perspective gives rise to. Buddhism is coming and saying, look at how this process happens. See how your idea of separate self

[13:40]

works, notice how it leads you to attach to things and seek something other than what's happening all the time. See how miserable that makes you. Study that process and you will become free of it. Without destroying it, but just by understanding it, you will become free of it. So last week I was talking about having no alternative and someone says, what about if somebody attacks you? And basically I suggested that if something's attacking you, something harmful is coming into your life, generally speaking what you need to do is you need to understand the thing that's attacking you in order to become free. If you understand your enemy or your opponent, you can safely traverse the attack. In this case, the opponent or the attacker, to our happiness, the sense of self and belief in the sense of self and therefore selfishness so selfishness is the main disease or enemy in our life and we need to understand selfishness in order to become free of it and Buddhism teaches us how to become free of selfishness and again with selfishness comes attaching to things and seeking things yes put your name again Ken

[15:05]

Say you're in this dangerous situation and you're there and you're present with it, but you have some thought that you want an outcome to happen, a particular outcome among the various outcomes that could happen. Is that an attachment to an outcome or what does that mean? Well, one approach to this situation could be that you're meeting someone and And you're not just meeting this person. You're already into, like, you'd like things to be different. That goes one story. Is that what you're saying? Well, we talked about data situation. Hey. You're aware of it. You're present with it. But you're also looking for an action that will make the data situation be less dangerous for you. The outcome happening there is not... Right. You see some danger. You see some possible harm. Yeah. Okay. And you want to avoid the harm, yeah. But I'm suggesting that if you understand the situation really well, you don't have to get into thinking about some alternative or something alternative.

[16:21]

You don't think in terms of alternatives of what's happening. Yes, go ahead, say it. I didn't mean alternatives of what's happening, but alternatives. And you're thinking... So what I'm suggesting is that if you start thinking of alternatives in the future, that undermines your ability to understand your present danger, your present enemy. And if you understand your present enemy and don't start thinking of the future without... I'm not saying you would avoid thinking of the future, but you're so much dealing with what's happening... that the proper response occurs and in the next moment you do the protecting, harmless, appropriate thing for all concerned. In these kinds of situations, in dangerous situations, they're the ones when we most are habituated to think of something other than this.

[17:22]

and where actually the proof of how thinking of something other than this is most well made. In other words, in dangerous situations, it's often easiest to show how not thinking of some other situation is really a good idea. In other words, how the appropriate response you can see comes from not thinking about something other than this and keeping your eye on the ball, so to speak. And where does that response come from? Where does what response come from? The appropriate response. Oh, where does it come from? Well, you know, like if you're dancing with someone, right? And like, I don't know, the tango, for example, okay? And if you're dancing with someone, in tango, the partners lean on each other. They lean into each other. You can't do the tango unless both parties are pushing on each other.

[18:27]

The, excuse the expression, the leader... If the leader wants to suggest, make a lead and suggest a move, if his partner isn't pushing on him, it won't work. But if she's pushing on him and she's leaning into him, when he makes a move, she naturally turns in a certain way. Okay? And where does that proper response come? It comes from him pushing and her pushing and him taking a step in a certain way and that the dynamics of the thing make it happen. So if someone's attacking you and they reach over to you and you're right there with what's happening and you feel it, you move naturally according to the reality of the situation. And the protective, the nonviolent working out of that arises in this interaction. Even though they may be trying to hurt you, you work with that aggressive, destructive energy in a way that would be appropriate.

[19:37]

Namely, you receive it and let it go where it would naturally go, which is not necessarily to hurt you, but maybe in the direction it's going. And then you could also feel, oh, he's going to get hurt, so I'll pull him this way so he doesn't get hurt. I don't know if that made sense to you. But if you're thinking of the future or some other alternative, some outcome, that usually distracts you from looking at what you've got right now to work with. You're dealing with a hypothetical situation rather than the actuality of this person's energy and bodily movement. The thought, I don't want to be hurt, it can be there and that's part of what you're dealing with. I don't want to be hurt and maybe I don't want anybody to be hurt.

[20:37]

Those thoughts may be there. That's part of what you deal with. But you also deal with the look on the person's face and you deal with where your feet are and which foot you have most weight on and you also deal with where his feet are or her feet are and you deal with the feeling of any bodily interaction. You work with this And you move in accordance with what? With not seeking and not attaching. And not seeking and not attaching will guide the situation into a beneficial result. But seeking and attaching won't always be destructive. But if one of the people is already trying to hurt you and you seek and attach, probably one or both of you will get hurt. Probably, you know. Or, you know, I shouldn't say probably, but the chances are greater.

[21:41]

If someone's pushing on you and you don't accept that and you don't receive that information and work with it in a sense of there's no alternative to this energy coming towards me, I've got to work with this. If you fight it, then the chances of you getting hurt by it or knocked over by it is fairly good. Or, if you're stronger than him, that he would get hurt. Or that both of you get hurt. But if you receive it as it's coming, without any alternative, there is a lawfulness of of how that works. And if you want to turn your body so that you don't fall down and hurt yourself, you can do that because you've got the information of your body and his body. Now, if you've practiced these kinds of moves thousands of times, you probably have a repertoire of familiar moves that might come to you.

[22:46]

So some people do this as a practice so that when these kinds of things happen, it will be very smooth and familiar. But an uneducated person who is confronted with these situations and has never gone through them before may come up with a response that will disarm the situation. Uneducated means you haven't gone through these exercises before. Now if you want to know how that's going to happen, then you're shifting back into the mode of I'm going to do it. So I want to know how I'm going to make this thing happen, rather than how actuality is going to be the source of your activity. So we do have activity, but it's not coming from our own power.

[23:53]

our activity is arising right now, as usual, but not by our own power. And meditation, the Zen meditation is to kind of, Zen meditation is actualizing how we're happening, period. Now you could say not how you're making yourself happen, but it's the dropping away of that perspective which is the attunement to actuality. Yes? It's easier for me to see and understand in a harmful or painful or dangerous situation the benefit of being just totally present.

[25:01]

I have much more problem in pleasant situations. It's much more easy to indulge in pleasant or joyful and get entangled and not recognize the harm. Right. Did you ever hear what she said? So if you're in a situation where you feel pretty comfortable and you're having pleasant sensations, then you may feel like, if I take the perspective of whatever I'm doing, I'm doing this and I'm doing that, since you're basically in a pleasant environment... or you're having pleasant sensations, you don't feel so strongly the disadvantage of this deluded approach to your life. And I don't see it until after it's happened. Usually, for me, it'll turn out to be not fully enjoying the moment because I'm already aware that I'm going to be sad when it's over and that sort of thing.

[26:10]

Yes, sometimes, like, for example, sometimes you're having a pleasant sensation or a pleasant experience and then you think, boy, I'd like to do this again. Or, geez, I'd like to make this last. Or... Does that sound familiar? Why don't I do this more often? And these thoughts of why don't I do this more often, I'd like this to last, and so on, they take you away from the actual pleasant situation. So there's a little bit of pain there because you've just blown your happiness or your pleasure by planning for the next time it's going to happen. You ever seen that one? You're in an intensely pleasant situation and you start thinking about how long it's going to last and you cut yourself off from the experience.

[27:12]

Now, it's also possible that another version of it is this thing might end or it's starting to end. And again, it hasn't gone away yet. You're still in a pleasant state, but you're actually starting to feel upset because you sense that it's going to go away or that it's going to go away or that it's starting to go away. But still, it isn't that bad because you're just feeling bad about something pleasant. Whereas something painful, when you do the same thing, it goes from painful to more painful. And the pleasure goes from, instead of being pleasant and then feeling embarrassed and awkward that you're trying to make it last and that you've blown it, it goes from pleasant to like simply being present with the pleasantness, which is, again, almost too much to stand, but anyway, there it is. And you don't feel like you're wasting the experience.

[28:13]

Unless you avoid it. potentially pleasant situations because you're already anticipating. Yeah, you might avoid potentially pleasant situations because you anticipate the awkwardness and folly that will arise in association with them. Yes? If I'm driving, I'll suddenly or funny thing that a child said comes to my mind. Yes. Makes me laugh or very enjoyable experience. Yes. I'm driving. Yes. I'm not driving. Yes. Am I present? I'm not present. I think you're present, you're driving. But when you're driving, you can have many experiences. Past memories can arise to you while you're driving. as possible without being distracted.

[29:21]

But when a memory arises to you when you're driving or when the feeling of the steering wheel in your hand comes to you, in any case, you can be not distracted by that. How are you not distracted by it? You're holding on to the steering wheel and at that moment you have no seeking or attachment in that moment. Then a memory arises, you have no seeking or attachment to that memory. It doesn't exactly arise by itself, it just doesn't arise by your power. Because it doesn't arise without you. you don't arise without it you do not have a life other at the moment you're thinking at the moment you're sitting in your car and a memory of some children come to your mind at that moment you have no life other than that memory and that memory has no life other than you so it isn't that you make the memories or that the memories you know cause you it's just that you depend on the memories and the memories depend on you and there's no other memories and no other life

[30:44]

And to accept that completely is not seeking anything else, and it's not attaching to what's happening. If something's happening, you do not need to attach to it. It's happening. It doesn't need your attachment to happen. The only thing that needs your attachment to happen is attachment. When attachment's happening, then there has to be attachment. for that to happen. But you don't do the attachment even. You don't even do your attachments. You don't do your seeking. But when there is attachment, there can be non-attachment to the attachment. And when there is seeking, there can be non-seeking of anything else. Here I am, I'm just sitting here seeking. But I can also say, I'm not seeking anything other than this seeking I'm into. And I'm not even doing the thing called non-seeking.

[31:51]

And this is the middle way, by the way. So this is Zen meditation, and this is the middle way, which I hope you'll come to see, that what we're talking about is Zen meditation, and we're also talking about the middle way. Nancy and Dennis? It reminded me of a story where a teacher, where the student ran up to his teacher and said, while I was meditating, this bright light appeared in front of me and a vision of the Buddha appeared. The teacher responded by saying, that's fine. And if you concentrate a little deeper, it will go away. Nancy, did you want to say something? Do I equate it to suffering? Yeah. I would equate it to suffering, yes. And non-attachment and non-seeking is Buddha. I mean, Buddha is non-seeking and non-attachment.

[33:07]

Now, you could say Buddha is also a person. who has no attachments and who has no seeking. But it's also just that that's what really Buddha is, is not attachment and not seeking. But it's not really a person, but people can be in this non-seeking, non-attachment mode, and at that time they realize actuality. You realize what's happening, you realize that, both in the superficial sense of what you think's happening, okay, what you think is happening, that's being realized, as usual, but you're also not attaching to it, which is, I mean, you're also realizing non-attachment to your sense of what's happening, and not seeking anything other than this, and also not seeking this.

[34:10]

When you're in accord with that, you also realize something else about actuality, which is that actuality, actually the way things are is that they are in this middle way. The way things actually are, they're in this middle way. Everything's in this middle position. And the middle position is Well, the middle position is that things neither exist nor do they not exist. That's the way things actually are. Or like Carlos sent me a get well card and the card said things are not what they appear nor are they otherwise. So the way things seem to be is just the way they seem to be, and that's not any more than the way they seem to be.

[35:23]

But the way they actually are is not something in addition to or other than the way they seem to be. So things may seem to exist, okay? But things don't actually exist the way they seem. But they do seem to exist that way. The way they actually exist is that they're free of existence and non-existence. And for us to tune into the actuality, we have to stop wiggling on our seat we have to stop we have to give up seeking something other than what seems to be happening or holding on to what seems to be happening if we can If we can enter into this non-seeking, non-attached mode in what seems to be happening, we will realize that what seems to be happening, namely that things seem to exist or not exist, is not true, nor is it that there's some other way that they are.

[36:39]

The middle position is not something other than these two positions. It is just not grasping either one of them. But it's not like not grasping any of these positions is another position which you grasp. It is a mode of the way things are, and you don't have to grasp the way things are. It's the mode of the way you are actually living, but you don't have to grasp the way you already really are. But since we have this habit of being separate from what we are and trying to control it, we keep interjecting this deluded approach to something that's already perfect. And I'm taking away perfect, something that's already just such. And there's nobody can change the way things are, but everything then changes. Dorit?

[37:44]

Dorit? Okay, could I say something? She said, again, she says, I'm not sure I grasped, okay? And the mode in which I grasp things is the body-mind, usual body-mind mode. I grasp apples, I grasp Buddhist practice, I grasp Zen, I grasp understanding. This is the usual mode. There's nothing wrong with that mode. It's just that given that mode of I think I grasp it or I don't think I grasp it, I can have no attachment to that mode of I don't grasp it. And I don't seek anything other than I don't grasp it. I enter into the mode of realizing it, of realizing actuality, of being in accord with actuality.

[38:46]

But You can't grasp something that you're completely intimate with. You have to be separate from it to grasp it. And if you're separate from actuality, you suffer. And of course you suffer because you are obviously deluded because nobody can be separate from actuality. We're talking about actuality, actuality. You can't get away from it. You can't be in the suburbs of reality. Nobody is outside of reality, but everybody thinks in a way that seems to be that they think they're outside of reality. Most people think there's reality in me. There's me in reality. There's the world in me. There's the truth in me. There's enlightened practice in me, and I do enlightened practice or I don't, or I get it or I don't. Enlightened practice is not something other than you. You are not apart from enlightenment or enlightened living.

[39:52]

You're not separate from it. It's not a thing that's separate from you. And in fact, nothing is separate from you. But that's the habit, is to think that you are separate from various things. So, of course, you can also be separate from the truth, the Dharma, the Buddha, But it is a delusion that you're separate from Buddha and Dharma and the truth. That is just a delusion. Fine. Don't punish yourself for it. Just say, okay, I got this delusion. I got it. I got that I got the delusion. Okay. It's good. It's good to understand that you have this delusion because this delusion is another enemy that you have to, or opponent. It's something that if you don't learn how to work with it, it's going to hurt you. But if you can understand it, it won't hurt you anymore. And you don't have to like clean up your act and be a non-deluded person. You can go right ahead with these delusions of you being separate from the world.

[40:56]

But if you understand it, you can move with it and dance with it in a way that won't hurt you or anybody else anymore. But you cannot grasp the truth because any truth you grasp is just an enactment of delusion, because the truth is not other than you, the Buddhist truth. The Buddhist truth is not apart from you. The Buddha is not apart from you. Yes? It was interesting. I don't know if it was right in this class I lead, but shortly thereafter there was a special about it. a guy in a prison that had been there since he was a teenager or very young, and he was studying psychology and studying everything. I just caught a little bit of it, but he was talking about the... that that's what got people in prison in the first place is because they thought that they were separate from other people and you're better or you're worse or I'm going to take what you have.

[42:02]

And he said, then you get in prison and then you're totally, you know, it's a continuation. Then you have your cell and then You know, he said it's even more so a separatism than prison, and then the whole thing, the cycle just continues. But it was interesting that he was saying that all the ills of the world are because people think they're separate. So they either want what you have or... It was interesting, though, because it was right after class. Yep. It's apropos. Yes? What's your name again? Andy. As you were talking about the middle way, it kind of struck me how it made sense, the freedom that I felt when I wasn't able to answer your question, the question of are you in meditation class right now. There were too many concepts. Are you in meditation class right now?

[43:04]

And I was just completely lost Attempting to answer that, and I really felt free in that, I don't know, it wasn't a state of confusion, but just not being able to come up with another answer. Right. So, your inability to come up with the answer is similar to you letting go of coming up with the answer. So, letting go of it and really letting go of, not being able to find it and accepting that, you let go of your body-mind. And you just were a guy there with... not knowing the answer to the question. That's where you were. And that's it. And meditation was happening. I don't even know if it was... I was meditating. Right. Meditation. Right, the meditation was happening. The meditation was happening. But none of us were doing it. However, if those of us who were doing something were doing something, but that's not the meditation.

[44:05]

That's just... a little enactment of delusion, that you, all by yourself, are doing something, which we allow that. You can do that anytime you want to. It's completely acceptable. No problem. Just understand, please, that it's a delusion. And since it's a delusion, it's not really happening, so you don't have to even get rid of it. And when you see it as a delusion and don't try to get rid of it, That's exactly what Buddha would do with it. Buddha would seek delusion. That's it. I don't attach to the delusion or seek something other than the delusion. That's what Buddha would do, does with delusions. So, they lose their power. They have no, they don't hurt people anymore if you don't attach to them or seek something other than them. Now, um,

[45:07]

The middle way that I talk about now, actually, is the middle way as presented in the second of these two scriptures that I passed out to you last week. The second scripture, which is called the Katya Yana Gota Sutta, is a sutra where Buddha says that the middle way is to avoid the extremes of existence and non-existence. The middle way is to avoid the extremes of existence and non-existence. That is also the same as Zen meditation. Zen meditation is to avoid the extremes of existence and non-existence. That's what I've been saying tonight. So, you're sitting here. You avoid the extreme of that you exist as you're sitting. In other words, your experience of what you're sitting right now, that actually exists, that's true.

[46:08]

You avoid that. You don't attach to that the way you are is actually true. Also, you avoid the extreme that you're not the way you are. You avoid that extreme too, that this is not happening. So this is happening, but I avoid the extremes of this exists or doesn't exist, which means I avoid attaching to it or seeking something other, which also means I'm in the middle position about my experience. Okay? I don't seek something other. If pain really exists, well, I'd better seek something other. the non-existence of the pain. If pleasure doesn't exist, I'd better seek something else, the existence of the pleasure. But this is called what the Buddha recommended we don't do.

[47:14]

Buddha recommended that we adopt this middle position, which is not grasping the existence, not projecting existence onto what's happening, or non-existence. And when you're working with what's happening with no sense of alternative to it, you do not then put existence onto it. Putting existence onto what's happening is making an alternative to what's happening. It's veering away from what's happening. You're not just facing it. You're saying, I'm not just going to face this. I'm going to put existence on you. Or non-existence. It's not just like this is happening. It's like this exists now. But that's the second sutra. And that's in some ways more akin to the way I was talking about meditation. The first sutra, the Buddha talks about two other kinds of extremes.

[48:15]

And these other two extremes are the ones which are very famous, namely the extreme of indulging, or the extreme of devotion, he says, the extreme of devotion to addiction or indulgence in sense pleasure. And the other extreme is devotion to self-mortification. And this is what most people, what most scholars and most Buddhists have accepted as the Buddhist first sermon. The first thing he taught was monks, there's two extremes. These two extremes ought not to be practiced by one who has gone forth from the householder life. What are the two? There is devotion to indulgence and sense pleasure, which is low, common, the way of ordinary people, unworthy and unprofitable.

[49:19]

And there is devotion to self-mortification, which is painful, unworthy, and unprofitable. He didn't say it was low and common because most... But actually, I think that today things have changed. And now I think it is common for people to be involved in self-mortification. I think 2,500 years... later that self-mortification is much more common in American society than maybe it was in India at that time. Maybe devotion to addiction or indulgence in sense pleasures is still more common. I don't know. I actually don't have data on this. But my experience of Zen students is that you know, in a training situation is that self-mortification is pretty common.

[50:22]

So basically what both of these are, both of these extremes are, is they're ways we turn away from our experience. And the other two also of projecting existence and non-existence are also ways of turning away from your experience. But the first one is more, I would say, it's a little bit more emotional. And the second one is more intellectual. Or the first one's more emotionally turning away or using some physical or emotional technique to turn away from what's happening, to turn away from life. And so the middle way as presented in this scripture, basically it's a way to not turn away from what's happening and it's a way sort of to take your seat in your experience.

[51:34]

And when you first start looking at this, some of you may have trouble identifying in your daily life, in your moment-to-moment experience, you may have a little difficulty identifying your addiction to avoiding what's happening. One person told me in studying the scriptures, she said, do you realize that some of us would rather do anything but anything to avoid facing what's happening? to understand that it's not just that we know we're doing this, but that we will do anything to do this, we'll do anything to indulge in these extremes. Including, by the way, not even noticing that you're involved in them.

[52:43]

For some of us it may be hard to notice that we're doing this because we're doing it so much. It just seems so natural we don't even notice it. So I'd like to say that in terms of sense pleasure, the Buddha is not saying that you should avoid sense pleasure. Not saying that. Avoiding sense pleasure is self-mortification. He's not saying avoid sense pleasure, he's saying don't use sense pleasure as an addiction. Don't use sense pleasure in a dishonest way. Don't use sense pleasure to distract yourself from what's going on. If you use sense pleasure to distract yourself from what's going on, it won't work.

[53:49]

You won't be able to distract yourself if you're honest about what you're doing. If you say, I'm going to eat this sugar now, I'm going to eat this candy bar now to distract myself from my anxiety, if you're honest about it, it won't work. You have to shove it in there somewhat unconsciously. in order to get distracted from what's happening. So in some sense this first scripture is simply trying to help us experience what we're experiencing and to watch out for how we use sense pleasure, pleasurable experiences like eating candy bars or eating a piece of fruit or having dinner or resting, or anything. How we use pleasant situations to distract ourselves from feeling what it's like to be alive.

[54:50]

To distract ourselves from our anxiety, which we feel because we think we're separate from each other. In order to cut to the core delusion, we have to get intimate with it. we have to see how it works. It's right under our nose all the time, but it's very hard to be present with it. So we have these addictions of self-mortification and sense pleasure which know distract us from it it's still right under our nose but we don't notice it because we're trying to distract ourselves from it and we we can do most of us a lot of us self-mortification can take the form of avoiding pleasant pleasant experiences it can take the form of you know

[56:04]

gouging your flesh. This is popular these days, right? Kids are doing this. And they gouge their flesh to distract themselves from their anxiety. They feel better when they're gouging themselves because actually also endorphins are released if you do it just right. But the pain of cutting yourself distracts you from this deep anxiety which you have no control over. As a matter of fact, which is coming from the delusion that you do have control over things. If we really give up the idea that we can control things, we're free of our anxiety. Holding on to that view of me and the things I control, successfully or unsuccessfully, but that project of me separating the world and me trying to control it, this is the anxiety root. And then I want to, like, get myself away from that situation.

[57:09]

And using sense pleasure is one of the ways to do it. And also inflicting pain on myself, self-inflicted pain, can also distract myself from it. Also, being judgmental of others and then judgmental of myself for being judgmental, this is also a way to distract myself from the basic pain. the basic pain which means just the pain that's happening just the one that's actually happening the one you're actually sitting in the middle of right now that's the one and no big deal just the one that you've got right now and then how what do you do in terms of these two extremes to distract yourself from the pain you have right now and right now and right now everybody that has any attachment to this deluded point of view has some major or minor anxiety about it. It's normal until we can drop that deluded point of view.

[58:17]

So most people are to some extent involved in it, therefore we have this pain. And not only that, but that pain keeps coming back again and again and again every single moment. It's a permanent kind of like wound in us. It's a wound in our heart. It splits our heart into self and other. So it's a constant wound that we carry. We need to be able to become intimate with it so we can understand it. And understanding it will understand that it's an illusion and see that it actually doesn't hold. It drops off all the time. It just comes up and drops away. It's not anything more than the way things appear to be. But to hear that's one thing and to actually be there and see it and see how it hurts and to see it drop away is another. To realize that dropping away is another. But we've got to be close to it. In order to be close to it, we have to get up to these extremes.

[59:22]

So see if you can identify in your daily life how you indulge in one or both of these extremes and give them up. which means not that you have no sense pleasure but you don't use it as an addiction anymore you can still eat an apple but while you eat the apple don't use it as a distraction just use it as an apple in your hand and feel what it's like to be a human being who has an apple in her hand the actuality of Being there, being here with an apple. Not using the apple to knock yourself away from being here. Okay, I'm here, I'm here, right? And then I pick up the apple and I'm gone. That happens, right? You can be practicing pretty well, pretty present, and say, well, I've had enough of this.

[60:33]

Give me an apple. Okay? You grab the apple and you're gone. And maybe you come back after you finish the apple, whoop, here I am back here again. Okay, give me another apple. Well, let's have some cereal now. Or whatever, coffee, something anyway, to keep going away from here. Fortunately, many of you probably fell back to your center of gravity every now and then, and then you say, my God, I'm here. Oh, I have a life. I'm alive, and it hurts. But it's a life, and I'm here. And, oh, and all the Buddhas are with me, practicing with me. And I don't have to do this life. But I'm somewhat deluded, so I'm somewhat anxious too.

[61:36]

So that's enough of this. Let's have some apples. And here I go. Here I go indulging in sense pleasure to distract myself from my life. Here I go. I don't know when I'll be back again. See you later. Actually, I'm back. I'm back with all suffering beings again. I'm listening to the cries of the world again. And it's... Yes? I didn't mean to interrupt you, but... You didn't. I've been wondering about people who seem to have such a strong sense of self and ego, and often it's rooted in anxiety that drives them to achieve great things and sometimes to achieve terrible things that can drive them to do wonderful things.

[62:36]

After hearing what you're saying, is my understanding correct that perhaps they can continue to strive to achieve these great things as long as they're recognizing, as long as they come to understand what's driving them to do that, their anxieties and their ego. So it's not that they have to stop striving and achieving these things. They have to stop using these things as distraction from facing what they are, how they are. But some people will have trouble continuing certain behaviors. that they've been using to distract themselves, they'll have trouble continuing them. But if they could continue them without distracting themselves, then they could revolutionize the basis upon which they're doing these things. And some of these things might continue just as before, but now be done not from the point of view of I do them, but seeing how they happen

[63:41]

as reality rather than something that I do. And therefore the activity is happening minus anxiety, minus delusion, and plus, you know, a sense of harmony with all beings and freedom from the idea of separation. But it may be hard to continue certain regimes which have been strongly associated with distracting myself from my suffering. Because sometimes what's required is to sit still and look at what's happening. Sometimes things are really, they demand a kind of like it's time to sit down and feel this. Like some people, you know, some people come into your house, you know, and they say, you know, I'm feeling a lot. Can I sit down here for a second and feel what I'm feeling?

[64:45]

I mean, they're like, they really need to like devote themselves to feel it. They can't be actually chattering away and also feeling it. And sometimes people weren't talking to me. They say, can we stop talking now? I wanted this. I need to like... I need to feel this. And then they say, okay, now I can talk again. I'm feeling it. And a lot of people talk to me about how they can meditate and work. They say, you can't do that at work. You can't just stop in the middle of a conversation and say, just a second, I'm losing track of how, you know, I can't feel myself. I have to stop for a second. And they think their co-workers won't let them do that. And sometimes their co-workers won't. What's the matter? Why do you have to stop talking to me to feel yourself? So you may have to say to your co-workers at the beginning of work, guess what?

[65:50]

This week, I would like to have your permission to sometimes stop in the middle of conversation. in order to re-establish my mindfulness of what's going on with me, would you allow that? And some people would say, no, you can't do that. We don't have time for that here. You might say, okay. I can't do it then, I guess. But a lot of work situations, some people might say, okay. And then they might say, okay, we tried this, but you're taking too long. You know, I thought you were just going to take a couple seconds to tune into yourself, but you've been taking like, you know, it's been like 45 seconds and you haven't got there yet? Ideally, you know, we get to a point where we don't need a lot of time to be in the moment. In other words, we're already there. So you don't need to stop the show in order to be there. You're already there. Once you get distracted, sometimes you can't even find out what you feel anymore. So it takes you sometimes a while to find yourself.

[66:51]

So think about, the Buddha said, avoid these extremes. Are these extremes in your life? Not are these extremes in other people's lives. Of course they're in other people's lives. Are they in your life? Are you indulging in self-mortification or sense pleasure in such a way that you're distracting yourself from actually feeling what it's like to be at the wheel of your car? Driving your car, you know, there you are. You're feeling what it's like to drive your car. When you turn the radio on, does that distract you from feeling what it's like to drive the car? Sometimes I'm driving the car and I feel... Actually, a lot of times when I'm feeling kind of like some pain is when I don't turn the radio on because I feel like I'm betraying myself to turn the radio on. It's harder actually when I'm feeling happy and comfortable and joyful. And I should say harder, it's harder to catch myself because turning on the radio kind of goes with that.

[68:00]

Let's have some music too. It kind of celebrates this great feeling. I live out by the ocean, and I get in the car quite frequently, and it's just beautiful, the mountains. It's lovely out there. Like today, it was just beautiful driving out of Green Gulch, coming over here. It was just beautiful, and I felt really good. So the radio kind of goes with that. But it can take me away from just feeling... the almost unbearable beauty of those mountains with no protection like the music. So just face the beauty. And part of the beauty is that it keeps taking away from you again and again, right? This beautiful, this beautiful, this beautiful, gone, gone, gone, gone. Sometimes when I'm driving in over the road, you know, I come over the hill from Mill Valley and get to the crest there and then suddenly you come around the corner and there's the ocean.

[69:10]

And just it's so beautiful. And then you drive on this winding road, you know, and you get all these new shots of the oceans and the mountain. And sometimes when I used to, when I first lived at Green Gulch, I used to pull over to look. And I did. But every time I'd pull over to look, it was dead. Because you're driving, and you just get this momentary glimpse of beauty, and then it's taken away because you're moving, right? But if you stop to get it, you lose it. So you have to just keep driving and keep losing, and it keeps tearing up. It gets torn away from you, and you get another one. It's really difficult. But turning the radio on just distracts me from it. but the pain sometimes of driving on the road, not the pain of the beauty, but other kinds of pain, then not so often do I turn the radio on because I feel I really, it just, it just seems so cheap to like sell myself up, basically, and not feel what I'm feeling.

[70:21]

So I can feel myself when I'm like, Like, this is happening. This is your life. You and the car and the road and the sky and the mountains, and that's it. You don't have to add anything to this. Just live it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was, I was really sad to leave it. I mean, it was just something, it was like some peace. I think I've been kind of frustrated and anxious a lot lately just to go there. It was, you know, deer walk on the bridge. Yeah, right. It's just awesome. And people were actually going toward there for the sunset. And I kept looking back over my shoulder because I've, I would say, dipped in glitzers.

[71:27]

It's like I missed that. And then I go back to the basements of Mill Valley. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So what I'm saying is you're walking in the beauty of Tennessee Valley. Is that beauty distinct? I put it positively. I feel like being in a beautiful place sometimes helps you calm down enough so you can face your anxiety. And if that's the way you're using a calm situation, fine. In fact, a lot of people do. They go to a meditation retreat and they feel comfortable enough to open to their anxiety. That, I think, is... Then you're not using the beautiful, pleasant thing as an indulgence. to distract yourself from your pain, you're actually relaxing through the quiet environment so you can open to it. But to use it the other way around is what the Buddha said, I recommend you drop that one.

[72:28]

The same pleasant view can be used to relax and feel the pain of your separation or it can be used to distract yourself from the pain which you are feeling or not yet feeling. If you're feeling it, to use yourself to distract yourself from it, or if you're not in touch with your pain, to postpone your meeting with your life a little bit longer. So this first teaching of the Middle Way is to try to find this position so you'll open up to your suffering. take your seat in the world of suffering because that's where the buddhas are sitting they're not sitting in realms of bliss they are blissfully sitting in the realm of all suffering beings it's on tape you can come and listen to it after class

[73:30]

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