So the question was asked again, which I want to say, and I'll answer it again. I didn't feel like that's a good answer. It's important to end the last track. It's asked by Judy. But the enlightened people, when he awakened at first, he still sort of concerned himself with improving things. Did you say something like that? And he said, what's the motivation of that person? The original motivation of that person is suffering. And that the key is to be a source of motivation, suffering from hoping to be there. But in another sense, the person is coming from a good place. In some sense, their motivation becomes the way things are. Just it's a motivation. Even suffering will involve I think it's a superficial way to describe it.

[01:05]

I'll talk in more detail about this. I'd like to then reveal the basic issue of the idea of radical, radical, of course, radical, sorry, radical progression, and sense of radical capacity. And maybe the addressing of the radical problem between your existence. Guilty as opposed to you that we misunderstand ourself. And therefore we misunderstand ourself. We let you put yourself to other and so on. And radically so it is just seeing the way the self actually is. And seeing the way it is then illuminates, you know, proper relationships.

[02:14]

Because seeing what it is, of course, you're practically going ahead. At least on these strict basis, all the actions are flawed by a black homeless community. And the issues or questions that bear most directly on freedom, on personal freedom, and universal freedom. The questions are there most directly on that. Don't have something to do with addressing the self and the volition as a willful and active creature. More have to do with questions about and examining the way the self actually exists. So again, I propose that the central issue for self, has to do not so much with action as secondary, but has to do with its existence.

[03:22]

Once you, based on your understanding of how the self exists, you act. Or based on your understanding how the self exists and how it doesn't exist, how the self and surrounding, based on that you have Or rather, based on misunderstanding of that, you think you have a popular understanding of yourself. When you're on the deep, you act by yourself. Like it or not, I propose to you that issues of freedom have to do with issues of existence. And again, I have said before that the sense of self arises from the sense of its depth. part of its non-existence. So fundamental to understanding the nature of self, the true nature of the self, or the true existence of the self, is to meditate on the only existence of the self, or the life of the self, death of the self.

[04:36]

So meditating on birth and death is part of the work that's necessary to understand what the self does. You don't have to directly take that on because most people find it obnoxious. I have to force you that if the only way you study yourself, I would say that as you study yourself, the more you study yourself, the more you realize what kind of dictionary yourself is. And the more contradictory you understand what the self is, or the more you understand how contradictory self-existence is, the more you develop, it fulfill, or fully appreciate what the self is. Again, the more the self has studied, the more you'll see it in the victory of its existence. The more you study the existence of the self, the more you'll see it in the victory of its existence is.

[05:39]

The more you see how funny big trees exist, the more fully you'll understand what really is. And the more fully you'll understand what a real is. But, you know, it still doesn't have to be repeat. But, I don't oppose our analysis, because sometimes the mind does analyze things and it's funny. So it's not necessary to, like, look at yourself and analyze yourself. Although that's fine, that's what happens to you. The problem of taking yourself as some object that you study is that you're already deciding what it is, so you're still somewhat biased by your selection process. So you might wind up, what is it, 70-something, which is not really what people could study, like a car seat, where they're standing in the street by a street line.

[06:49]

You know that story? The car seat? They're standing by a street line. The policeman walks up and says, what are you guys doing? And he said, we're looking for a watch. You lost your watch. He said, did you lose it around here? And he said, no, we lost it up the street, but there's no light up there. In fact, the place where we need to look is often in the dark. Most in the light is fun, but that's hard in the light, and so we need to do that work because of discovering our existence. And in the dark, we find out what makes the look. But again, turning toward what I think the darkness is, is it bringing self-selected darkness, not the real darkness. So, today's the proposal I made to is, I'm telling you, you need to study the darkness, or you need to study what the self is, but I'm not telling you to sort of like, well, you run off and study what the self is.

[07:57]

I'm not proposing that it's sitting upright, hoping to get to true self-script. That you're sitting upright means that you don't sit here and say, well, now I'm going to study this. And think like that, and I'm going to study that. When you sit upright, you get given to you what you will be studying. Because what you're studying, what you're supposed to study, what you will study when you're sitting upright, will be what happens next. Now, if you're not sitting upright, then the next thing you have to just say, well, I'm not going to study that, so no way to tell my study topic comes up on your street. And then that would be what I would study. Oh, I'll bring up one. There is that kind of meditation, but what I'm proposing is you need to sit upright and you will be presented with what I do not feel that we need to study.

[08:58]

Not that quote I need to be thorough. All you need to do is sit still, long in the traffic spot and forest. All the inhabitants will present themselves to you, including who exhibit themselves to you, to you. and continue to practice up like this as they present themselves to So this upright sitting is an entry into actual self-spect. I'll take a few examples of this. People talk to me much about when the person came in and said that he was practicing his sitting and he got a problem of swallowing. Of course, you know this.

[09:58]

People have problems with swallowing. When you sit, usually with the swallowing, people swallow all day long. There's no problem. Most people need a puppy, right? Do they have problems swallowing anything? Well, good. When people sit still, a lot of people start having problems with swallowing. Because they start becoming aware that they're swallowing. And what was before, something that they were just doing, it's now something they're really doing. In Iraq, but they can hear their swallowing. And they think their neighbors can hear their swallowing. And it gets to be a big deal. So this guy said he was really worried about his swallowing. And he realized the reason why he's worried about his swallowing is because he probably bothered the people in the store. But the reason why he's worried about bothering the people in the store is because he thought that they would like you if he bothered them. So he discovered his self.

[11:02]

Now this is not necessarily the self he would have found if he went looking for his self. This is his self that popped up there. His self is concerned about people liking or disliking or swallowing. This is not the self he thought he had. But he did. He discovered it. When you look for it, it got shown to him by simple swallowing, feeling irritated about the swallowing, noticing all that. This is about him too. And you're noticing how that relates to other people and how you're worried about that. Yourself, you know, I got out of it. And you said to me, well, is this the way? Is this the right direction? And I said, it isn't so much right or wrong, but I was saying this is good. This is good. Because you're getting beaten with yourself. Again, not a pre-selected person who's selected self to study, but a self that just presents itself. If it goes away, you shouldn't chase after that one that is worried about people who might use the swallowing.

[12:07]

You should just let it go to the next one. The next self that feels about the next thing that you're worried about. So, I consider it good to get close to the self, to get intimate with the self, and again the self that's given to you in my moment, because that intimacy will lead to, I believe, in understanding the self, the preference between the self and the love. And also, actually, I think I initiate these tunnels because I ask them what's bothering me most.

[13:08]

When I ask people what's bothering me most, usually it leads me to something that's very intimate and immediate there. As opposed to what bothers me most is something that's quite close to seems to be quite immediate. Or like, put the other way around, the things that are not immediate or intimate to you, are things that bother you most. But you know what kind of a typical thing, studying yourself, but getting close, like you get closer, things that bother you, that wouldn't bother you, that wouldn't just be seen. Again, this is just kind of big things. Again, the more contradictory your sense of yourself is, the more closer you're getting to your true self. And again, I would say that only questions concern our own existence, we really grapple with them.

[14:18]

If things that have to do with your actions are somewhat interesting, if things that have to do with other people's actions are somewhat interesting, the more you understand what to do with you, the more energy, the more interest, the more self-interest, The idea that he could get really good people to really make an effort, which was self-interesting, while it was something for Adam Smith's idea. But what people don't often know about was that 10 years before he wrote The Wealth of the Nation, he wrote another book, which is something about... Anyway, we propose that there was an essential ingredient in our philosophy, that was a paper called Sympathetic Passion. Openness and sensitivity for suffering others.

[15:23]

He wrote that book first, and that's the enlightened part of self-interest. But most people have never read that book. So they took the second book, Wealth of the Nation, which said, you know, we want to get something out of people. Have it be something that helps themselves. Then, you know, it will work. But the enlightened part was that there should be sympathy for something others, otherwise self-interest, you know, to try to distract. So, again, I propose that not that we should start looking at what we think is the place where existence and non-existence, where the death of you makes, the life of you, that you must have looked at, whether it would be hyper-correct or it could just be upright, this is exactly what we exposed. It exposed just to correct them. And indeed, various beings, when they visit in the forest, but in the list of ways either way, you learn about yourself in this very comfortable way.

[16:30]

Everything that comes to you is teaching about Japan. The discussion with the wildflowered in the book The bees hide and turn into honey, and the nutrients of the grasses in the stomach of the nostalgia become perfumed. Looking beings, as you're experiencing, become just so. Again, those people don't come according to my stick or according to the schedule of my education. This is seeing the world as being built beneficial, as good as you welcome yourself. However, this lesson doesn't seem to function very well unless you sit in place.

[17:35]

If I'm not enough, it's like, if you run to get rid of that animal, [...] you run to get rid of They did the rich houses because you didn't need food properly. Some people did the poor houses because they wanted you to store the pen for the poor, but the maridots they get are really little bit per minute. It was supposed to be door to door and you could see. So, the uprightness is the way that we can use every opportunity that comes to us. Everything contained comes to us.

[18:36]

Prior to them. Yeah, we use this thing. We use that. Like the football that is. That's not operating. That's leading in this direction. We're getting away from whatever. This is pretty tough, right? To see every person you meet as an equal opportunity employer. To try to do that again is not unsuggesting. Unsuggesting is to do it upright. Because even the way you try to do it could have a bias in it. Like I said, go up, and you really find some markers on where you're looking to this person. I mean, it's a nice idea, but really, you're still selecting me.

[19:42]

You're still deciding. I'm not a marker, but I'm in a way that I should give you more attention to this person. You're being attracted to. Which means, actually, if you're running away from a person, you're practically because you're afraid of what you would do. You're afraid between you and your community or something. So you run over to somebody and you know you're doing anything and you're really worried because you have no attraction. Like you said, you're probably really getting a threat from all that person who's really avoiding a real task if you're with somebody who's very biased towards in a positive direction. And you're so biased towards you, you forget that you've dealt with yourself. So uprightness really does not be the person you need to relate to, and also you need to correct posture to be in relationship with you. Like this. So uprightness is the gate to study the self.

[20:45]

It is the gate to the fulfilling study of the self. It is the gate to study the self in such a way to realize how convictory the existence is. It also is the gate to understanding the karma. So someone said in 24, Now, make subject and object of one substance. One substance. Make your relationship between self and other one substance. And again, the way of doing that is take upright, enter into the study of self-humidity, the study of subject and object. And by that study, the uprightness with this phenomenon you will realize the one suchness of self-employment.

[21:49]

Like, the hands we put together, you can see that the beauty is as one thing. And also, there is one thing which is, and it's two parts. It wouldn't be what it was, but it is. It's a line number, except for when it's two things. There's no separation with one thing. But the one thing you have is there's no separation. So again, it isn't that you go around and try to make things that are different the same. Like there were them in the middle of these phrases. Who says that gold is the same as shit? It refers to an ancient story in China of two men aristocratic guys who were so close.

[22:53]

How could that be done, didn't they say anything? Two aristocratic guys, they were so close, they were such close friends that they said, compared to, I think to me, the depth of our relationship shift was even better than that we can focus. compared to the deaths and the funders who were very similar, they shouldn't go in their life. They thought they were people who want. And later, things changed, and they actually had to go forward, used to carry it, and one of them actually wanted to do the record for a year. A union that doesn't respect difference is unhelpful and can turn it out of space.

[23:57]

If you get too close and predict the separation, that's going to be a problem. Of course, being separated without a sense of being together is all separate. What we get a next month with the unit through this, you know, so you know that, a rapid window there was, is that the line of the bunnies to be unhelpful. So, can people help you help with So this relates to G.B. Sparkling. So I suppose that this uprightness is entering into the realization of the authentic self-existence. And again, being upright is a way to tolerate how common victory a particular kind of victory that he just deserves. Based on this kind of understanding of yourself, based on this meaning of subject and output, your actions will be correct.

[25:10]

Everything you do will be correct. It wasn't that there's no more writing wrong, it's that it would be free of... I was actually talking to the lawyers who were writing a book called, And they asked me if I live in a world where there's still doing bad, so for me, living bad are, I think, a part of the world. mango trees, and blue jails. They're part of the world. You live in that world, they're hardwood and bad, right? Both here, just like, you know, cusses of gas in people's leaves. There is this thing called feeling, feeling, right, right, wrong. There is existence and non-existence.

[26:12]

You don't have them in your life. Again, they're living in you. You're living in your life. You're living in your life. You're living in your life. You're living in your dream. Because they're dream. They're dream surfaces. But if your life doesn't happen to you, this is the result of it. You're living in your life. he pulled it a bit curved and he swept him over the side for the first to come from a stone away. So one spot I just finally left here is Well, we got a story drafted by the opinion from George Washington Carver.

[27:30]

George Washington Carver is an American He's an environmentalist and protoculturist. He basically is the one who discovered the use of peanuts. Before him, the peanuts were considered to be a weed. He developed 50 patterns on peanuts. He discovered peanut butter and peanut oil. 50 patterns on the use of the peanuts. Anyway, that's just one small thing we did. When he was a little boy, he lived on a farm, a poor farm, but there was a certain section in the farm where there was nothing new to you if you didn't have a little green house, an old garden. And being a poor boy, one of the ways he got plants was to

[28:38]

find sick plants and take them and take care of them. And he would take these sick plants and nurture them and bring them back to the house. And people found out about this, particularly the women who were doing house plants and stuff, found out about them and bringing the plants. And he would take care of them and go, well, I'll give them back to help them. And they would ask him, you know, boy, how do you learn how to fuel these plants? And he said, all the flowers, all the little flowers talk to me. And so do the hundreds of little living things. I learn what I learn by watching and looking everything. So again, I propose that the study of the self has opened up by basically not doing anything. by sitting still and you never have any new people bring to you you'll be brought all these sick plants, all these very, these partial varying of your sick, which while you have to do it in Washington and, uh, global.

[29:58]

But what does love mean? Well, I mean, the ladies who gave us plants probably, they probably thought they were loving it too, folks. But you've heard of loving to death. Over-watering. You can also over-fertilize. Not that it can't be you. I think that's love, right? But what is love? I propose that in order to practice love, we'll talk to that. Love is not to be like this. We need to get into it. Doing a clean-up. I'm not saying what love is. There's a matter of fact, sometimes where I was talking, I was sizzling about love, and I realized as I was beginning to talk about it, I didn't know what it was. And I was kind of embarrassed because I knew of a lecture. Somehow I wound up talking about love, and I wasn't planning it. You hadn't noticed before I started that I didn't know what it was.

[31:02]

And I thought, well, I should probably know. And actually, I remembered right away that I had known what love was a few weeks before, but I forgot. But then I actually felt, well, that's good that I forgot, because actually I shouldn't know what love is. That's not love. Love is not to know what love is. Or love is not knowing what the thing is. I think a lot of cool honey grass is one I can love there's not grassy. So, it didn't operate with the plant. You listen to it and it tells you what it wants. What? Some life is kidding me. I listen. And you don't know what the plant is either. You don't know what the plant is. It's called a rose, but you don't know what a rose is. You don't know what a rose is. So I would say you watch everything in kind of like what it is.

[32:08]

What it is, how it is. You wonder what it is. And you just sit there wondering what it is until you find out what you are. And you say, well, what if the plant dies in the infant? So I thought I should do something before I knew what to do. That's better than not doing something... until I have a kill. But at least then the kind of cruisant has been raised. So again, it's made all the demons affecting myself. Rather than think, rather than wait until I see us go, I'm considering maybe it's better to do nothing.

[33:11]

to do something based on not knowing what I'm doing, just to, just to assuage my anxiety. Maybe if I sat here and closed the pain of not knowing what to do, maybe I would show me what to do, rather than acting in such a way as doing my pain. And my pain would be that I might not do the rest of it, that I might wait too long It might take me too long to learn what's right. And if I was back now, then I wouldn't have to face that. I definitely feel more comfortable than you. Because whatever it is over there, it's watching you. And if you act before you know what to do, and if you act to avoid your pain, That night, if you actually show him that, he'll do the same.

[34:12]

You might be setting that exact on top of basically being selfish. And acting mostly to get rid of your anxiety rather than trying to find out what's the best for this thing, you can even know what it is. But you sit up with it. You start to open up to the fact that you don't know what you are. You don't know what it is. As a matter of fact, it might be you more than you're leaving. Probably a lot more likely if it's you more than you are. If it's you more than you think you are, is you. Probably. And what? Basically. Absolutely. Love, I propose, although I don't know what it is, has something to do with tolerating this space of, you know, feeling with someone and not settling down on, okay, you're you and I'm me and that's it.

[35:22]

And I love you. You stayed at me. I talked to Eric about the problem I had with my daughter. It's very intense. There's so many kids I know about. They're in love with shit. And she is. But they're not messed up in existence. It's hard to stay with me. And fathers sometimes come, I'm a father, so I talk to myself, but in some cases fathers come and talk to me about the problems they have with their daughters. But you know what comes father to me? The ones who are dealing very frequently from their mothers with their problems about their daughters.

[36:23]

Others also sometimes come and talk about problems about their sons. But the most severe and complex problem, the most retired family problem that I hear about, well, and with husbands. And maybe because I had a middle age, and I think there's mothers and daughters, because there it was the most, that's so close, so close, it's so impossible for me to follow some weird words. So close. But also so close to showing what the self really is. And of course, it's very hard for the mother or the father or the daughter or the son to not do anything to knowing what that person really is. I love people. But oftentimes that view is somebody we've already decided to pay off.

[37:28]

I care about you, yes. I care about what I keep you. I think you care about something, but you don't know what it is. Mm-hmm. Do you? Do you care about something you've got to put in your belief in a bit? How would you be able to do something with that? You know what I do? That's a total question. Are you interested in a total question? Are you interested in a person who called yourself a dollar but you cannot build a dollar? Are you interested in this house that you can use the total network? That you basically have to listen to all the time to try to find out what's going on over there.

[38:43]

That it's not really like you need to decide what they are. They're actually unique. You're trying to listen and find out. Well, being upright, it's just exactly like that. It's not even really a question to us. It's waiting for the question to us. It's a huge question. So, that's the situation I propose we learn about AR. That's the situation with the linear or true polygraphy. And those are the kind of questions too. Ask when actually the people we're closest to we know the least about. Whereas the opposite is the people we're closest to are more sure of it. We know them the best, right?

[39:44]

Reverse them. People we don't know at all, we sort of go, well, yeah, I don't know them at all. Well, that's basically useless to you. But when the things that are close to you are what you really engage with. They really move you. You really move them. You really care about it. You're really caught. It really bothers you. You can't just sort of say, oh, no problem. I'm cool. Hey, I'm detached. That means that you're not close. Real detachment is when you're close and you're off. is your question. It could lead to ultimate, where we actually wouldn't be bothered anymore. But that's not really ultimate. The ultimate is to be free, right out of being bothered.

[40:47]

Not even having to go with a bulk. That's a more intense situation, more bright, in this spiritual situation, and in all of this situation, which is in the Bible, spiritual life has a grand pack full of Bible. But this proverb is honey to the bees. What are the problems that bees have? What do they have problems with? Honey and wax. That's their problem. What do deer have problems with? They have problems with hunters and grass. And we have problems with people. Isn't that a problem? Isn't that what's really making me sad with people? Doesn't that make it sadder even with cars?

[41:54]

Or food? Isn't people that get to us? And the reason why they get to us is, don't they get to us more than trees? We care about trees, but people get to us much more. That's where we have something to learn, because that's about us. That's healthy in your body. If you're not bothered by people, you just can deny it. Every other person bothers. The closer they are, the more they Yes. Time for questions. Do you recommend you choose yourself to do something else? No. Go for it. That's the upright. The upright.

[42:55]

In situations like that, that's protection. But if you're feeling upside, which allows you to dispassion... And you also know you're vulnerable. Right. Right? So I'm saying that being vulnerable protects you. But these things are still trying to be able to fulfill myself, support my body in this life. If you're getting exhausted by the relationships, it's because you're not uprighting you. We haven't learned quite a year to be able to model up in it. You saw him in Indonesia.

[44:00]

You know, you've got too many products. You know, these are just so kind of relationships. You know, people can be classed in the street. I find that my real people are sometimes... Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, how many... How many... How many... How many... Let's see. How about two? About one. So I'm actually proposing, I'm actually proposing, sorry, but I'm proposing Kinky.

[45:05]

as you can have the best protection in people's openings. But not, again, make yourself open to practice actualizing this. Let's trust the trust presence to show you when you're ready for something. When you, for example, if somebody comes up to you, I kind of feel like a winner. If somebody comes up to you and asks you for something and you don't want to get it, and giving, and it's not really bullying. If you see that someone's asking you something, and you're having experience of other loss, and you think you should do that as a spiritual practice, it's not spiritual practice to feel like when you give something to somebody, you're losing something. If you give your blood to somebody and you feel like you're depleted, that's not really the kind of deal you're talking about. I'm talking about when you get back basically what you give out. So if you stop talking to somebody in the street and you feel like it's going to deplete you, you're not really being up there.

[46:19]

It's not the kind of relationship I'm talking about. But if you stop talking to somebody you really feel like you're getting something to you, learning something about yourself in the process, You don't have to sleep with energy. But if you see things in a certain way, this was, I wouldn't say, well, go act on some principle of compassion based on the misunderstanding of what that means. On the other side, when you have these relationships and you are depleting, then that often will teach you something. There's some benefit in them because they teach you that there is something about your attitude that is off when you're relating to this. Basically, if your energy gets pumped up or depleted through interaction, that's a sign to be upright. And so I have some relationship where I get pumped up, because of the kidney, I can hear yourself out there, blah, blah, blah, and you have to think about myself out there, blah, blah, blah.

[47:27]

It's awful when I'm thinking about myself, so let's say it. But then I notice, you know, oh, I'm going to be a contractor. Hmm. Or, by the way, they come in and say, oh, you're such a rather bloody blind and you're not going to get treated. But you're staying there and saying, what is this thing? What is this person here saying to me? Oh, you're the most wonderful, bloody devil. Who is this? Who is this? What is this? In other words, listen. Listen to them and love them. Listen to them, wonder what they are, wonder who they are. But this attitude, compliments and insults, don't even make that many difference. It's all a mystery. And my energy stays even.

[48:27]

It's a mystery. If I could stop doing a mystery, I know it. Now here, a gorgeous person telling me I'm Rick. Now this is not a list of Rick itself. This isn't a list of Rick. I know what this is, and I'm just the most happy fellow. Now here, it was a really obnoxious person making me decisive criticisms of him. This is like, this is like, I know what that is. I'm no fool. That's what that is. And this is a real thing. My juices are falling out all over the street. I got to get out of here fast. Because of the way I think. Somebody else could possibly be in a situation and think the other way around. See, that was totally cool, that person said. He was still talking to me. But I know, anyway, if you're getting treated, then, you know, sometimes you should go out of the situation.

[49:39]

I think I told the story. I was talking to somebody one time, and we were just talking away and talking away. And I guess part of the implication when talking and talking away is he thought he had a lot to say. I didn't know anything to say. Because this student used monologue and I was standing up talking to him and I was feeling weaker and weaker. And as I noticed that I was basically ready to collapse, I didn't even have the energy to think of some way to get out of the conversation. I was so weak that he just had me basically hypnotized and he was draining me. But I was aware that I was being drained. I had that from my side. I didn't have the energy to interject anything or say something like, did you want to be a monologue? I couldn't even say that. But a little voice came up inside me and said, from the inside, a little voice came up and said, I love you, everybody.

[50:43]

And I relaxed. And then I said it again, and I relaxed more. And when he started coming back, and then I said, I didn't say, let's see if I can go. As you sit, and you'll hear these sounds that come and walk, and see if she wants. you then think of your true self as the accumulation of these other watching selves that appear to you in bits and pieces, so that when you describe as you do any other one part of your self period, does the true self then become an album of a collection of endless That's a good question. Is it a good question?

[51:45]

No, it doesn't. There must be this contradictory thing. So the true self isn't like all those things. It isn't like the sum total of all those things. It's also that the self is still there, and the self is contradictorily all those things. So what you are is really everybody. But not everybody like you is throwing yourself over there. It's you not being them without the opposition. It's you having nothing outside yourself in total contradiction at the same time. So you don't, like, eliminate the contradiction. There must be that contradiction. So you see the opposites. Do you have the awareness of those opposites? Intention in the moment? It's thinking to you. It's revealed to you. What you have to do is to stay from the house. Stay home, be quiet.

[52:45]

And not go out to entertain yourself. And then, the house is going to be communicated. And the way you see everything will tell you more about what you are. But it gets very dynamic. At the same time, you don't try to engineer the program. The more you try to engineer the program, the lower the end you go. And again, if you not only give up from the control of those, you basically give up everything. You give up everything. That doesn't mean you give up everything and don't get the effort. You give up everything in the process of being a present. Because being a present means you don't have time for anything but that. So there's both total renunciation of all your trips and also total presence. And then it gets tested more. The more you get into it, the more it gets tested.

[53:50]

by people on the street, by your spouses, children, by your students, by your teachers. And again, that's kind of sad, but the more you're getting tested and the more you're getting pushed, the more alive you are spiritually. But again, it's not all bad news because the more you're getting calmer you are, the stronger you are, the more you get tested. So the fact that you get tested by some of these groups, surely you have enough strength to be tested. You have enough strength to, in fact, you notice that you're exhausted, and you get enough strength, and you get enough energy to notice that you're exhausted. Yeah, I actually think there's a place where I don't have a place, and I don't have a tendency to talk about it, you know, so you kind of get out of it.

[54:58]

Yeah. Just doing the tendency to get a sick life where it's putting on a lot of anger, and it's people with the way I can actually talk to you. And she suggested that I saw an imaginary woman who snapped her and watched each other for one more second. And I did that. And then that day I did it, you know. Okay, this is a big lesson. I still don't know exactly what. And that's partially why I asked for the techniques that are protecting, because before I can't be able to know that this practice is amazing. And it seems that through the meditation, I had to become more unaware. And it's something that we're thinking, it seems, how to move forward to the end of the process, simply.

[56:07]

And that's what it's saying, because it's just like this. That was the thing I'm saying. I'm afraid he's going to do it. And actually, we bring forward and want to make sure we look forward to it. But they show you the flaws in your efforts. or we want to show you how often you hear away from them even something like the word you used to write the curve to affirm courage to affirm the way you are you know in a way that we like the physiognomist in the middle Yes. You know, I've had to happen. But it needs to be a little bit.

[57:08]

He drifted off, though. It was like one lady drifted off. Do you have any experience about it drifting off? Sometimes I do, but I feel like I feel kind of distant. I feel grateful for nothing from me and nothing. I feel very distant for you. You don't have fairness like grappling with something, you're struggling with something. Isn't it not like a simple thing? Do you feel anxiety about this?

[58:14]

I don't know why it seems to be like that. Try what's happening or what's the worst? What's happening or what's the worst? What's happening or what's the worst? What's happening or what's the worst? Do you think you used to be like that differently? Do we have it? Yes. What's that? [...] I feel like it goes up here.

[59:23]

Well, it's uh, it's time for the city, you know, and partly. Well, um, Just try to feel more attached to it. But what if you don't? Hmm? I don't want you to waste a lot of food.

[60:26]

You're doing something that you're not trying to do something you can do. Good. [...] Now, so we have an example here. We've been a sense. We've been the same sort of six months. And I would like to fix this because I'm not in front of all these people. But to tell you the truth, I'm not sure exactly what's going on there.

[61:34]

And I'd also say, well, you can walk the class. But I'd also like to point out that there's some kind of a problem because you could be wasting your time. You know, trying to, I'm not going to say that, but rather that there's something very good about actually being engaged with yourself. And it's not clear to me that what she's talking about is engagement or not engagement. Maybe this is something, this is a gift, an mysterious gift. Maybe it seems like we've placed up and maybe this is something about what you really are. Can't kind of comment it through well. But at the same time, I don't want to, like, say we're going to worry about it and just eat, of course, food. I guess sometimes I share with you some anxiety and worry about whether this is that drifting off and waste in the community.

[62:41]

Just being distracted is, again, you know what it is, it's just distraction. And when you see it, you notice it was distraction, in fact, you're right. But we're not even clear if this is distraction. But in a way, also calling something distraction, at the beginning, a kind of labeling it and sometimes not loving it. Because distraction is not very distracting, necessarily. I think that, I guess, it's not just that I suggest you, like, go and look at your breath, so that you don't have to worry about this. It seems like your light unfolds, giving you a real thing like... a dark and mysterious phenomenon, something that's not that common to you. It's not, it's not, you're forgotten by to meditate. In other words, the way you used to meditate, it's not happening anymore. There's new meditation. Not by the speed line, you're often dark.

[63:42]

You're really where the watch is going to be. So I guess, in some sense, um, I would encourage you to work your watch with the facts. And the facts are, as if it's happening to you, and neither one of us know whether it's good or bad. We don't know what it is. But this is what's happening. Uprightness has something to do with working with this. You may be worrying afterwards, but worrying afterwards in different breath is that word. If there's some practice that can be done, and you're following your breath, when you're doing meditation projects that you used to do, when you're called meditation, you're called Buddha. And what you can do in the middle of just space where you're not sure what you're doing, whether it's meditation wasting your time. Is there something that's there in all these situations? Yeah, and you don't know.

[64:45]

You don't know. It's not a matter of knowing. It's not worth questioning. And this questioning What I'm doing right now is what I believe is there are some real issues in liberation. But there is something that runs through all these different states. And sometimes we're meditating in a way we feel like, hey, now this is medication, or this is even better than usual. Well, I've heard about this quite a while. But what about when we're sitting in like in the middle of an argument or meeting someone in the street or whatever. Is this meditation? To say yes or no is whatever you want, but question. What is this meditation? Is this the way of awakening right now? What is love? What is this? And not even a question that you personally can ask, even.

[65:54]

Because in that state, you probably couldn't even, like, arouse yourself to put yourself in this bit where you can ask that, put out that sentence, what is this? But on some level, you're learning about it. And that question prevails, This thing, this person that you really are, is not something that you can know. We can't know this kind of thing. We can understand. And we can have deep faith in it. And we can have a sense of never moving from it. And this not moving is an act of faith. But if the faith isn't strong enough, then you don't believe you're not moving from it.

[66:57]

Or if you don't believe you're not moving from it, the faith is strong enough. I have the same experience but I enjoy it. Well, again, even if you like it, even if you wanted to get there and you're successful getting yourself in that state, are you continuing there?

[68:05]

Are you taking care of that and learning from you? Are you watching and loving you and wondering what it is? If not, you know what I said. I'm worried when you get back. That brings up my question. What happened to him? Yeah, there was a plan of symptoms like that. Right. So again, this is good to become aware of chicken cubes. Again, most people, the average Joe that I meet, I shouldn't say the average Joe I meet, I don't think I have a job enough, but I think most people don't think they're very confused.

[69:08]

Am I right? The average people on screen are too frightened to admit if they're confused. I see most of Zen students, and they're somewhat willing to admit if they're confused. but a lot of them aren't even going to. I usually see that spiritual progress has something to do with more and more admitting confusion. The awakened one is one who has no resistance to admitting confusion. People will seem more dangerous after they basically will have no confusion, and then they're just like, you know, walking in tanks. So if this takes you into some confusion, I would say this is not the cause of your confusion.

[70:14]

This is the revelation of your confusion. Which, again, might make you somewhat uncomfortable It's rather uncomfortable to become aware of confusion, but when you become aware of confusion and you become uncomfortable, then you're going to probably do something kind of confusing after that, like you probably try to avoid what you've just looked so hard to be revealed to you. And you're going to notice how confusing you're going to look through that is, hopefully, and that would be another lesson. Okay. Yes, it's another thing here. Five people. You choose. I was wondering... Having occasional exercises, let's say compassionate meditation, not as to your whole meditation practice, but let's say one of the exercises picked out how to be aware of your heart, especially your heart for you.

[71:42]

You can do that. [...] All the time. You can actually have your posture all the time. All those are good things to do. They're all pulsing practices. And I propose that as you get more and free meditating on love and kindness particularly will, you know, assuage hate and compassion also helps. So they're perfectly good. And if you do that from the point of view of lying, exercising in my world, looking at myself, thinking, of course, if you do that, then call me as you calm down by doing communication with what I'm saying, noticing.

[72:54]

Which is where I've really been set to work. If those practices are good, it could be to do even from the common point of view. They're close to timing. And as a result of doing, you probably will start to notice how you think about what you're doing. And the other deeper dimensions of the process, they start opening up. So it's not so much that these practices are not very good, but just that they're not enough in themselves. And if you don't eventually start opening up to the more dynamic aspect of awareness of yourself, then you just know that you haven't quite gotten to that level of partnership, which is Which is where you're at. You should be honest about that and be honest about that. It's more than just doing that. It's a more upright way of doing the mindfulness. Some people do mindfulness of breathing or meditation, but they're not really honest about what they're doing.

[74:02]

For example, they don't notice what qualities they're doing. They don't know exactly what people do. But if you keep practicing loving kindness for long enough, and you get happy and comfortable enough, you'd be comfortable enough to do better than other people who are doing some meditation. But you think, actually, most of the time you're a bunch of bums. But most people think that everybody knows a bunch of bums before they can start. So they already know that, and after the fact of love and kindness meditation for a while, they don't think people are bums anymore. They think that people are wonderful. But there's another level at which you didn't discover that. You do actually think that people are not you. You can think somebody's not here, basically. You don't think much of them. So it's deeper and deeper levels of intensifying as a way of this dynamic of visual work.

[75:08]

But basically, that's what we're doing here. Hopefully, you're being kind to yourself while you're doing so that you can dare to open up the room. to who you dynamically and countervictally are probably really are. The broken kindness meditation, the rest of your compassion meditation, will prepare you. Not only to prepare you, but to take your basic vow, develop it, and you prepare you for this physical meditation. So you can't really do non-real meditation, effectively unless you're basically motivated by compassion. Non-normal meditation without compassion as fruit just simply won't do it.

[76:14]

Because it's not that much fruit. But without compassion, you'd be willing to do it. But that involves the relied on the compassion strongly. so that it can have to do its very radical work. Without renunciation, without [...] renunciation. So, all these practices are helpful. All these practices are helpful. All these practices are helpful. You have to develop the ground. You have to develop the before we see how the rest of the car has to flood the heat ok I have sort of been asked a question about what I mean.

[77:20]

I sit and what did you say? I need to say, I don't know where it comes to the outside, and I need to stop it. And I've been chafing, and I have to sit and [...] sit. Keep the chatterbox, listen to it. A lot of people say they're nice speedy lines, they want to slow over and down. I usually reckon they try to catch up with it. You know, like, the train's coming to a town, I'd rather try to stop the train than I was there on one side of it. I wouldn't get in a car and run one side of it, right next to it. And then get on the train. Which I'm on the train, that means it's a loop. So try to catch up with your feet even. You could do it because that's a fastball. You can't catch up with yourself. In your case, it's hard for you to slow down and you have to catch yourself.

[78:25]

Because it's slow. You want to get ahead of yourself. You want to slow yourself down. But I think you should catch up with yourself and you should slow down yourself. But again, by manipulating yourself and you're speeding up what's doing we've done on this, you really go away. It's rather by sitting with the anxiety of the two different states that you naturally realize that you are already there, but you are actually called for just dead cases. Yeah, but the basic principle is that 15, and then you go. That's what you can do. Just take a look at the viewer, and that's it. Which is, again, respecting them as good opportunities, but not kind of like getting into like, oh, these are really good opportunities. What I am, which is really great.

[79:27]

I'm so distracted and excited. This is really brilliant. You know, just enough to be with it, and then that's enough. And then it goes. And that's why people do it like you do. Do you believe this is all for your benefit? It doesn't mean that when you look at the war, you think, oh, this is a good war. That the war is for our benefit. Can you stand that kind of difference, that terrible things are for your benefit?

[80:35]

No, you can't, right? You can't. Terrible things are to help you become liberated. What are the purpose that they have? They're not good at themselves. Pardon? Well, then they're just terrified. They're just flat out terrified. There's nothing more than you need. And if you know how to change them into something good, well, then do it. But you don't. So what's to be simply? You have to be benefited. I think if you know what's missing, you being benefited, and you being benefited, It's also true for other people.

[81:44]

I'm not saying broken arm is a good thing. I'm saying broken arm is the benefit you. Also, the healing of broken arm is the benefit too. What do you think is for your benefit? So usually you think, oh, healing broken arm, that's good for me. That's fine. You didn't learn anything there. You didn't learn anything. which is fine. You have to learn all the time. But it's through areas that we don't understand, the predictions that we have to learn. And if the war is beneficial to me, how can I benefit those who are in war? Because if I could help them, that would be beneficial to me. It doesn't mean the war is good, It means there's something for me to do there. And there's many, many other kinds of suffering. It's all from my benefit.

[82:49]

And also, if it doesn't bother me, it's still for my benefit, but it's not really as potentially useful as if it bothers me. It's kind of a bit addicting when it's getting close to me. It means it's bearing down in my hands. It's hard to understand. I didn't mean to say it just because it was hard to understand. What I have most trouble reconciling is to create hostility in the world. It's like I can sort of think about these ideas and you go into the world with just so much hostility there. Like I opened the open public school and in the last couple of weeks I sort of just look a bit of anger at these children. I sort of feel myself wilty and I'm thinking be upright, be upright and I just kind of...

[83:52]

Keep wilting. I wonder if you could just say something about how to understand this delusion and hostility and being human. I was listening to Linda Felitti, Danny. She said you're Felitti. I see that her talk about the violence towards women in the country. And it's just, I don't know what you can say. She's being a police. break into different, and think, not in such a way, exactly, not for fun, but for cruel. That so many in this country are so angry, angry at their mother, angry at their mother, angry at their family, and what they are striking the line towards women. and the sexual weapons in this way relates to the reproductive system.

[85:10]

Now you've got the alien. Right here, I'm just totally delaying. What can you do? What do you think about this? [...] And I guess, I mean, how to just see that in myself, how to say that this is me so angry and rude. That just makes me feel very separate. That's possible. Basically, like Los Angeles, the riots in Los Angeles, they were terrible, but at least finally people knew that there was something terrible. At least for a few days, people knew there was some problem. Before that it was there, they didn't know. So sometimes when I travel outside of the country, people ask me how things are in California, and they say, well, we have all these problems.

[86:18]

But there's one thing about California that is pretty good, and there's a lot of people in California realize that there's no safety. I don't feel like people, I don't breathe the topic of suffering in California because it's a weird way of talking. I don't talk about pain when I speak to California and say, that's kind of morbid out of you. Generally speaking, people around here, they kind of say, yeah, there is a lot of suffering, really. And it's getting to me, too. I mean, it's not exactly a real happy thing, but it's good. It's good that we feel that way. It's beneficial to us that we're starting to feel this. Buddhists feel this, too. It hurts them just as much as it hurts us, but on a larger scale. They're totally hurt by all this. And it's been going on, they've been hurt for centuries. So, that's the healthy side of all this stuff, is these terrible things are getting to us.

[87:24]

A little bit. And how can we keep learning to get to this? How can we, like, not get suicide and get depressed and take drugs to calm ourselves down and push them away, but how can we continue to be open to them to build them up more and more? And still not collapse, because if you collapse and you close down again. And not to sort of force yourself to take in as much poison as you can, but take in enough that you can take in without just naturally doing medication when you're breathing. To see it once you do. And your meditation, you're not sure you're taking enough poison. Don't feel bothered. But you're bothered about that. So... Again, this is kind of it.

[88:29]

The more time I get, the more you can open it yourself. Yes. I know that we're trying to be a part in the world. But [...] we're trying to be a part in the world. and speaks with people, and speaks with them. So a lot of the time, I thought we were here to be that way, and we didn't talk to people, and we'd be there, and people, what's going to do, and I understood that the other day, that we, that the script, because it's not easy, Just going to pop this out, okay?

[89:34]

You can think about it. You know, panic could be Pan, right? Pan's that guy who bends along the forest and kind of wild that. Panic comes up. Sometimes panic comes up when you're afraid because the forest is not even happening because you're left with energy. Panic is a reaction sometimes to depression. And sometimes if you acquire what you say, you start opening up to something like death. Death that you can never be again. And your panic comes in and you say, no, no, no, no, you're not dead. That's one reaction to infirm it, that which makes you. If you sit with yourself, you naturally become aware of what's not you. But that's something that is quite frightening.

[90:35]

It means that you need an annihilation in your life. That means that an anxiety comes through with the alarm. That part of the alarm is the meditation that still can't. There's something positive, right? I mean, I can't explain, but this is my dream, it's not my chance. It would be a special joy for me to live in each other, when you see forever, it's okay. It's not my pride, it's been kind of it's easier, I think it's still, it's okay, I think it's a puzzle. I mean, you look at it, you look at it. And it's like this topic, I mean, you know, what you've been saying, the feeling of that, you know, the sort of feeling of experience, you know, it's almost, [...] you know,

[91:56]

You know, this is when I walk for you. You know, I walk for you, I don't have to sleep. I swam in the quarter, I don't have to sleep. I'm going to go fast and I'm going to sleep. I get tense so I can sleep. And I never learned how, probably because I was subconscious, I never ever went out into the water and I learned how to, like, do a stroke or something because I was afraid of a sink. So you can even run your legs straight up out of the water. But when I was about 40, I learned how to actually swim. And you had this experience of learning how to swim before you. That means, learning things when you're old is really a block of point. When I learned things when I was 14 and younger, I learned them, but I didn't know I thought, sure what it was. And partly when you get older, you know, when I get older, I so seldom do learn things that I couldn't really fight them.

[93:08]

So that's the nice thing about spiritual life is there's a possibility that this is an area where you can learn things. Do you want to stand up first before you sit? Stretch it a little bit.

[93:27]

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