So I'm holding it in my hand and wondering about my feet, the greatest fears. . I believe that my speech and wisdom is perfect. When I was in college, I decided to be perfect because of my speech and knowledge of speech. My holiness is my pain now, and I actually want to be on living. And I think that

[01:04]

It comes to my mind that I get a lot of thoughts over the years. I talk about so much stuff. I don't think I have I'd rather dredge some of it up and dish it out again. But the first thing, the first thing to serenade is, well, I bought this, put this whole stick of bone in it, and what it's right to do. So I had protection about that, but I tell you that I had protection about that. I'm feeling that I'm in a memorial mood tonight.

[02:20]

And that's where I put it. And what I thought of it was a memorial for a person who lived at Tencent for about a month, about two years ago. And to me, what I believe, lay on something like a gentle breeze, something like that. I think I have a problem. What? I think I have a problem. I think I have a problem with praying with my whole nails. We lay only at home with her. It was a great breeze that followed us. And she cleansed us, and that's it.

[03:29]

And that took her a while. She died, didn't she? I came to America, I think, from Indonesia, a Chinese area. I believe I go to a city of 10,000 people to be ordained by a teacher at Shambhala. So I'm going to be ordained and practice Buddhism there in America. Hopefully, I think I'll still overcome the consequences of that. However, when she got there, for some reason or other, they didn't accept it. At that time, we wound up at General Hospital, and her cancer was rapidly expanding. The hospice people called us, and we said,

[04:35]

It would be possible for her to come and live here. She said she wanted to live in a British temple. And she wanted to do it. I didn't really like the idea that much. And I went to see her in the hospital. And she was young. I mean, maybe 20 years old or something like that. When I lived with her, she already had a big, like, egg on her head, you know, tumor. And I want to regret the very swell that I took another treatment. Keep it clear and bright and happy and that that you want to practice. and religion, and then you point back to examine it.

[05:38]

Like we like to mention it, ask people to examine it. If that were so big, what they would be doing is using it. And then after you take care of it, and after you start to track the details about what that would bring to the table, how many people would have to arrive. You're going to volunteer to play carol, but you decided you couldn't do it. That's what you can't do. When she met, I mean, I think we were in group six. We met over there in court there. I just didn't want to get into groups. I wanted to go to college. I thought she was at group 12. Well, not group 36, group 12. It seemed like a long time because she was a horse, a horse, you know, she was very aggressive.

[06:42]

And sometimes she would come down to the dining room in a wheelchair and go and say hi to people and, you know, people would break their ears. Not exactly because they were sad at the time, but because they were sad because they were trying to achieve something beautiful. It would be . And said, it just gives you a chance to walk around. That's all you can do. Wow. Also, she got me to eat a chocolate soup. And what kind of person tried to get her to talk to the truck driver? He said, please, Betsy, let me have a chocolate. I really liked him.

[07:46]

So we got there and bought a chocolate. And that went great. Time went on, and I think maybe after about 10 days, I think she kept having more trouble, and my uncle kept growing and seeing that, and I got weaker. You know, he took good care of her. I can't think of what to request. I think I really thought so hard, and I got word that she was getting weak, and I really wanted to hear her doing it at the priest. I think it's already shared, but I can't think of what to say. I don't know. I didn't do it good with the body. And this time, it was up in this. And they looked at me now, and they didn't do it. So I came up with a bar. Although I wasn't yet qualified to lead a zoological nation, that was then sent.

[08:51]

Nothing to do with it. We had to clean up. And a bunch of us up in the . And at that time, I gave her a Buddhist name, which is a four-character name. And that character, ,, Blame it. Now, the third character is Darnall, the truth, the fourth character, Gwyn. It's kind of like starting up in China with Richie. Daughter in it, Paul Poon. After work, I realized he did something good in China. He did something good. He could have said something else.

[09:53]

Anyway, that would be my idea. He was like a troop, a little troop on my left for a while. And I remember that ordination ceremony where I should do that. When I was ordination ceremony, it would say, all that we could pick to count up would be good for me to be able to do it. Or have bodies due to mine. I'm not worried about it. I say that when she would say it. I said, she would say it. I would say, she would say it. She got to that. And then I get the refugees. I think that we need to do that. It's costly. But we got to do it.

[10:56]

I think that we're doing a good thing. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And then it was a little while later, the next day, the next day she died. She lived on a trooper. Actually, I think it was about this time of year that she died. I think it was...

[11:58]

I felt like I was at Puffer Horror, like the beginning of PSC's. And that's when I... That's when I... We're on May 15th. We're on May 15th. We're on May 15th. It was very distraught. I mean, it was very overwhelming to me. It was really, really heavy. And all of this, it was hard for me to afford to wait. It was really, really difficult. I mean, you know, because it was really, really, really difficult. I mean, it was really, really difficult. Thank you. Okay. So first of all, I have to be encouraging it to me because now I'm kind of saying, even with no homework or no good help, I even have trouble getting it and putting it.

[13:20]

There's two words. You can take it or do it. So just thinking about her, why I think Well, I'd better be able to do it. I'd better start now. It didn't happen. If I'd be able to do it, well, that might hurt. But, you know, that week, we had two times to return to go down there. We returned to the trip, and we returned to the community. We didn't have such... Typical. Take the repetition. Typical. So. Is that right?

[14:22]

I'm trying to find the girl. Are you up for another story of a woman dying? What's her name? It's one about another woman who was interested. Her name was Conn Bullock. And I heard about her from a doctor who also was an institute. I heard that she was in the hospital and wanted to visit her. She was taking steroids, so she was all popped up in the steroid. Her body was very swollen, and we were like, And she could hardly breathe.

[15:32]

And she had a real bad relationship with the nurses in the hospital, St. Patrick's Hospital. They all hated her, cheated on her, played with her. She lost her plenty to them. But when I came to pick her up, she was sweet with me. She liked the man. She liked Paul, you know. She likes the city very good. We would put back with her. Her dad, young bald man, couldn't believe her. She was sick with the kind of stuff, with her idea of the road street. I did it a few times, and it looked like she was actually not necessarily getting any better. So, it kind of came up, and she kind of said, Not necessarily dying, he started dying. He started to talk about her will and stuff like that.

[16:35]

And then he pushed it. He gave me a high five. Oh yeah. She didn't like the food, but still the way she ate it was like. She really got a lot of her stuff. Anyway, I don't dare do a landition of that one. So finally, again, I came to Zen Center and said, folks, are you ready for a lot that they're done? I don't know if she was a musician herself, but she liked jazz. Her idea of bliss was to be in your garden. with, like, a jazz piano to play nearby.

[17:55]

A good-looking gentleman. He said that he got all three things. He put her in the room by the courtyard. He rolled out the same room. Tried to pull out the grand piano. He might fall in and run out. But she was completely happy. He brought her upstairs. And, uh, the new one, someone asked her if she'd like to eat. And I said, yeah, and I got her to eat to die. And she got sucked. I had to get her to eat. And she got sucked up. Anyway, I'm telling you the stories that we've heard. And I'm telling you the stories that we've heard. I'd like to encourage them, but maybe just to look perspective on it, practice on it.

[19:00]

In my third memorial, and my fourth memorial, my third memorial, he's not dead at all. But last night, he had a panic attack. So we're sorry about this, but at the same time, I must say, I was moved. And that was something about his withdrawal from the public election about Zen that sent me to an inner place in myself.

[20:13]

which is a place, I think it's a place where I started to practice Zen, and I think they were all of the second time. One place, really authentic, really, really what moved me about Buddhism. Awakening the Big Show, and that is really the center of teaching. But even sometimes, it might be quite helpful to people who, in religion, are doing some work to help people, like people who died in a wonderful way. Still, there's some very, very, very inner, inner place, deep down in the side of the whole world, that I think . I felt that what he put a priority for himself and for us.

[21:25]

It's kind of a serious matter, but it's also a very sweet, sweet place to, real place to. Anyway, he touched, what he did helped me touch where I started from. But that was very great. I've liberated from a lot of extra burden, dropped a lot. And when you're lecturing about last year too, Something that I also like to bring up, and I think it's very related to the story of these people who I told you about who died. And that is from this work by our Ancestor Dogon, Genjo Kahn.

[22:34]

There's a famous section where it says, it's telling the Buddha way, it's that self. And to study the self is to forget the self. And to forget the self is to be awakened by 20,000 things and a myriad of things. To be awakened by a myriad of things is to drop off body, mind, self, and others. The next part we would vary down on that tonight, which the translation that we've been using often .

[23:47]

And no trace of awakening or no trace of enlightenment remains. And this trait puts enlightenment distinction. And this no trace goes out into the street, continues down the street. And we felt it's not a proper translation, that it should be translated as. And there is a ceasing of traces of enlightenment. and the complete going out of the traits of enlightenment, which are cessation. The study to do it away is to study the self.

[25:24]

To study the self is to predict the self. The same word says to bring a self to the situation. Bring the self to experience utility. Carry yourself to experiences that could lead you. For experiences to progress and realize themselves, or for experience to progress or advance forward and realize themselves, that's the way to go. which is the same as trying to protect the self.

[26:37]

Another way to say it is to witness the self, which is just your animal. I'll go talk to me. Would you wait for me? to witness the self, which is just the arrival of what's happening, which is awakening. So right now, I need to witness the arrival of what's happening. And you see yourself there. And when you see yourself, there is nothing more than the arrival that everything has happened to you, or not even to you, but just nothing more than the arrival that everything has happened.

[28:14]

Then you see everything that happens is liberation, or everything that happens is liberation. All the things that are happening, that's it. There's no additional liberation table. Everything is happening. And the self can arise there, too. But the self has nothing other than the arrival of all this stuff, to witness that, and also to act from there. That is greed. It is. And this relates to the part you've emphasized, that there is. Ah, it's .

[29:46]

You see that, how that fits there? It's also the same as saying, nothing holy. In other words, this is what's happening. This is a shorthand for what's happening, OK? This happens. So it's just the arrival of this. There is a ceasing traces of enlightenment. There's no trick. There's nothing interior to this. There's nothing in addition to what's happening there to make this enlightening. There's no traces, no signs, no markers are stuck on top of what's happening in order to make a department. And the self is not subtracted from this or added to this either.

[30:50]

But the awakening is simply that the self arrives simultaneously, that your life arrives simultaneously. What's happening is not the slightest bit more or less than that. And also, enlightenment isn't any more than a present moment. So what's happening? The self and enlightenment are complete. None of them are more or less than each other. None of them are a little bit attached behind each other. Why are there traces of enlightenment in the first place? Well, at that point in enlightenment is that the first cancellation that we had was and no traces of enlightenment remained. So he said that actually that's a possibility, that the way it should be read is this hanging with the kids.

[31:54]

There is such a thing as ceasing of the traces. That can happen, but it doesn't always happen. In other words, what sometimes happens, what frequently happens, is that the meditator witnesses the arrival of 10,000 things, the arrival of one thing already, the arrival of what's happening There's a way in by simply what's happened, and therefore it drops far and wide. However, what often happens is that there is some trace to be made. There is a possibility there won't be, but usually there is a trace. Usually there is.

[32:58]

In other words, usually when you drop, usually when you break through and drop all the stuff, there's some stuff peeing around the step. There's still some habits, even after this kind of penetration. Usually there is. There can be no traces. Usually there is traces. then what traces would there be? What's the main trace that there would be? That's the next one. There is also the possibility, it can happen, that there is a complete going up of the traces of enlightenment which are sufficient. The main trace of enlightenment, which usually follows the dropping body of mind, is a trace of enlightenment, which is cessation.

[34:09]

But the enlightenment that he's talking about, Buddha's enlightenment, is an enlightenment which doesn't have a mark or trace. or the trace of the cutting. But there is such a thing as cutting. But there is also such a thing as no trace of enlightenment, which is cutting. Enlightenment does not have the trace of cutting. In other words, there isn't that thing of arrive, and there's a self in addition to it. No. Self is just the arrival of . There isn't such a thing as the arrival of things, and also that there's a self which is nothing in addition to them. And then there's one more thing called the life. There isn't that either.

[35:16]

And there also isn't really the arrival of things, and then not a self in addition to it, And also, not an enlightenment in addition to it, but something . But usually, often, when you realize the first or second thing, there's also some idea that enlightenment is . Enlightenment is not tainted by anything, by nothing. Of course, it is tainted by something, by self or by some character.

[36:18]

But the tainted by sensation, by the mark, or of the type . This is an example of time theory's rigorousness to make this point clear. It has the other translation, which says, And no trace of enlightenment remains. You see, it sounds like that after dropping body and mind, there will be no trace of enlightenment, rather dead. That sometimes happens. So I feel that we, again, look at the story of this young woman, look at her practice. There was always there.

[37:27]

What was there? What wasn't there? So again, back to the beginning of this talk, I give a lot of talks. And often I think before a talk, what's the most important thing? What's the most helpful thing to say to you now? And also with ,, why did he say that to you? witness and act on the self, which is the arrival or the advent of all things.

[38:31]

He's awakened. Why is Satan? I have a question. When you talk about the objective self, is there a question about You can need to stay for my child if you're not committed. But when you said it's open, other words open to, for me anyway, it's open to being very close. As soon as you say it's open, then I feel, oh good, it's open.

[39:53]

Since it's open, it can be really close. In other words, since it's so open, it can even be loud. And when he talked about not giving anyone talks, and the theory talked about not giving anyone talks, I got this real tight little feeling. No, I could brag and say, well, I forgot myself for a little while there. Because the option would be closed in the cellar? Yeah, we'd be closed now. If there's a tension now, I don't want to go . Yeah, like that. And not necessarily what we expect to be the self that we're paying attention to later, but actually just what happens to be happening. Like a chuck of a duck. Return to what's happening at the self rather than what we kind of might think would be returning to the self.

[41:01]

It actually returns just to the tight little experience that we have. I say tight little experience, you know, because our experience is, in one sense, very little and very little. It's not a whole bunch of different things. It's just this little thing here. It's that my little hand is gripping this little stick right here, and it feels just like this. And that's where I'm practicing. And the self is nothing more or less than that. And in enlightenment, I can't say any more or less than that about it. And I can say whatever I want, actually, if I talk. And that's . And it includes not really knowing if that's the right speech even. So again, I had to correct it.

[42:06]

And it actually wasn't rhetorical. Why did we create that teaching? to act on the witness, or to witness and act on the self, which is the arrival and advent of everything that's happening at this little moment. That's the way . Good start. What did you say?

[43:14]

Just pay attention to the light. Yeah, it's a good start to do that. So it's a meditation instruction. It's not a big deal. He just said it because it was a kind of instruction to us that he thought we could say from . Anyway, I find that instruction very useful. I recommend it to you. Try it out. It's actually his way of putting it, but it's a very standard for this meditation. Look at what's happening to you. Just watch things happen. And see it as a self. If there is, that would be interesting. If there is, is it anything more than just what's happening?

[44:16]

And you can actually see that. That self is just what's happening. And you can live your life in it. That's a good start. It's a good start. And maybe there'll be a little trace of enlightenment around there, or a little trace of cessation around there. Because if you do that, you might get some big relief. There might be some cessation. I could do that. It's a good start. And it's like a kid. It's like a kid, a little child, because that's where they live all the time. Or it's like Tayo. He'd like to buy electronic equipment. He just sits in there and he buys the money out there. He says that because of the catalogs.

[45:17]

He said, . That's who he is. He's like, yeah, let me . Nothing more than that? And this lady is, the lady dying here, you know, just, I take for a . So I'm doing that now. And now I'm going to sleep, I forget, I can't stay awake. What am I doing now? Where am I? I'm in the middle of ordination, sir. What about what part of the ordination, sir? What do you need to do now? I take refuge in God, okay? I take refuge in your help. I take refuge in your son.

[46:19]

Okay? It's pretty simple, but actually it's hard to stay there and be that simple. I mean, it is possible. It can happen that you can take refuge in Buddha and that there could be no trace of enlightenment when you do that. Wouldn't that be something? To just take refuge in the Buddha and have no trace of enlightenment. Have no trace of enlightenment with some idea of cessation of something like, I should stop being this person I am, or I should stop having cancer, or I should stop being a man. Something that's cut off from this simple fact that you have to eat whatever it is. So again, I really like that teaching at VA there.

[47:27]

I really recommend you study it really thoroughly sometime for a week or a year. Take that little teaching. It's a very good one. A lot of wonderful teachings come right in that kind of practice. It's really an excellent practice, very closely related to our city. Do you understand how to do it now? Do you know how to do it? Or are you just... I don't know how to do it. Yeah, but do you know how to do it? Did you notice that it shook your head? Did you notice that you'd nod your head? Mm-hmm. Okay, now. So you know how to sit down with your hands around your ankles? Okay, now. Is there self-doubt in those experiences? Okay, so I'm going to need my ring suspicions. It is?

[48:28]

What is it in my vision? That's falling in. Okay, so what? Got something going in your head? Is there something in your mind or not? Weird enough, but it's right in there. See, that's where it'll look. Look at that kind of stuff. Hands around the head, close your head, you're nodding, face in the head. That stuff, that's what's happening to your head. Now, it's yourself and you can more than that. Are you anything more than that stuff? Are you anything less than that stuff? And all that you're hearing and you're smelling and all that. What's happening? Are you anything more or less than that? OK? Tune into that station. It's a station of the self on the self, the self on the experience. See it first, how we relate to each other. Look at that. That's called studying the self. OK? Tune into that kind of stuff and experience.

[49:31]

Experience real, everyday experience, moment by moment. And can I take refuge in the Buddha? It sure is. And as you're taking refuge in the Buddha, Is the self any more or less than that? And you could say yes and no. Or you could ask. Or you could ask. Ask, is the self any more or less the technology? Is the self any more or less than the experience which you have with . And we get to then, just no more, no less, because that's how we . And then as soon as you give it that name, it probably has a little trace. It has a trait of its own name. And sometimes there is no trace. So after you tune in, then see if there's any trace of the tuning.

[50:33]

After you tune in the station, see if you remember the station that you tuned in to. If you just forget what station, you just enjoy it. Thank you.

[50:48]

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