So, tonight's lecture will be the great screen door lecture. There's a bat. So, some people want to let the bats out, and other people don't want the mosquitoes in. Is that right? Those are the two groups? There once was a man, they called the Iron Duke, his last name was

[01:07]

Wellington, after he stopped Napoleon, they made him the Prime Minister for a little while, and they built a large exhibition hall called the Crystal Palace, and birds moved inside, and nested in the rafters of the Crystal Palace. They went to the Iron Duke and said, what shall we do, Lord, the palace is full of bats, sparrows, and the Duke said, put sparrow hawks inside.

[02:19]

And the Duke said, what shall we do, Lord, the palace is full of bats, sparrows, and This temple here, in these mountains, was built in order to provide a place to practice the Buddha way, and the Buddha way was provided to sentient beings to help them devote their lives to the liberation of others from suffering, which also turns out to be the way to liberate yourself from suffering, and anxiety, and fear. Even immortal gods, in states of bliss, if you scratch the surface a little bit, underneath

[04:08]

you'll find that they're scared, they're afraid of getting demoted. People in lower realms of existence, suffering quite a bit, or even greatly, they're also afraid that it's going to get worse. So the Buddha found a way of liberation from this suffering, found a true gate to peace and happiness, and he was so happy he forgot about the reason why he realized the path

[05:13]

of freedom. He kind of forgot that there were any other people, but people noticed how happy he was and asked him what had happened, and then he realized that not everybody was in on his freedom, and he looked at people and he saw that they were all fully possessing the wisdom and virtues of the Buddhas, but because of their attachments and fixed ideas they couldn't see it. So then he decided to tell them that although they are now in agony, that this agony does

[06:13]

come up, it originates, and because it originates that means it has conditions, and the conditions for our suffering and fear and anxiety is ignorance about what we are. And the Buddha said that there is an end to this pain and anxiety which is based on ignorance of what our self is, and that cessation in turn is based on the correct understanding of what our self is, based on self-awakening.

[07:19]

Once we understand what our self is, we will be liberated from our self. Self is something we should cling to, and then we will inexorably cling to it and be all the time worried and frightened, uneasy and in pain. Once we understand what the self is, we will not be able to cling to it, we will not be in pain and afraid, we will be happy, and the only work we'll have left to do will be to share and encourage other people to follow the path by which they will be liberated from

[08:22]

their self-concern, liberated from their attachment to the self which they don't understand. And the way to understand the self the Buddha taught is called the path, which in Zen we call sitting upright, in the midst of the awareness of the self as it receives its function. So, the Buddha's teaching is not about how sentient beings, in particular how human beings,

[09:27]

should somehow be transformed into Buddhas, the Buddha's teaching is about how sentient beings are Buddhas, and how sentient beings can let go of that which blocks them from realizing that. If I may say so, it's not hard to be a Buddha, what's hard is to be a person. Once you're fully a person, you'll be liberated from being a person, and that's called a Buddha, but it's hard to be a person, it's hard to be a sentient being. Sitting upright, you start to settle into, right here and now, being a person.

[10:48]

You start settling into the person who thinks that she's something to be worried about. You accept the consequences of your present understanding of yourself. And you do that just by not running away from what's happening. And this presence with yourself, and all the difficulties involved, is your entrance into the awareness of the self that receives its function from all things, and your awakening thereby. So I propose to you that the kind of beings we are, is that we have a self, and we need to maintain it.

[11:59]

And also, we have a self, and we need to transcend it. If we don't have a self, we're just, well, we're not us. We're not yet human. And once you have a self, it's quite natural to try to maintain it. And maintaining it, generally speaking, involves resistance to being a living being. Maintaining it generally involves resistance to full self-expression. In order to protect ourselves, we hold back in expressing ourself, because we're afraid of what will happen to us if we do.

[13:04]

But by holding back in our self-expression, we can't see ourself. So we hold back, don't express ourself, and stay entrenched, imprisoned in ourself. Self-transcendence, actually, self-awakening and self-liberation, involves full self-expression. Involves taking the risk of what will happen to you if you should happen to start telling the truth about yourself. First of all, to yourself, and then start with somebody you trust, and then gradually tell everybody. It turns out that full self-expression requires mindfulness, compassion, steadfastness, stability, courage,

[14:26]

gentleness, flexibility, honesty, patience, generosity, enthusiasm, concentration, and all other virtues are required for full self-expression. It also requires renunciation. In the end, you have to give up your concern for yourself in order to fully express yourself. Clinging to yourself goes with not full expression, and that doesn't require, in order to cling to yourself, you don't have to be mindful. You can cling to yourself with just a tiny, you know, with almost no mindfulness. It's automatic. It's well-established.

[15:29]

You don't have to pay attention to cling to the illusion of this self. You don't have to be patient. You don't have to be kind. You don't have to be flexible. Or put it the other way, you can be unkind, selfish, stingy, mindless, rigid, cruel, and all that, and take care of yourself very nicely. And maintain this thing, which is not really there, very nicely. But to express yourself requires all these virtues. And when you finally express yourself fully, you will completely forget yourself. Once you express yourself, you'll see what it is, and you'll see that it's actually not something there before anything else in the first place. And you'll watch how the self is actually born through the kindness of all others. And that will be the end of suffering for you, and the beginning of the end of suffering for everybody in the neighborhood.

[16:33]

And it's a big neighborhood. You have to sit upright and not move in order to express yourself fully. If you're running around and not present, then you can't express yourself fully because you're not there at yourself to express it. So Zen practice provides you with the basic ground for this full self-expression. And actually, we have to work really hard to even get to our seat and sit there without moving.

[17:45]

But once you get there, then it's time to make your first, second, and third efforts at expressing yourself. And when you first do it, it's going to be kind of awkward. And in that awkwardness, people may kind of grimace or tease you. They may snicker, jeer, or throw tomatoes. They can't help it. You're so unskillful. You're so out of shape. But you should find at least one person who will applaud you. And that one person represents all Buddhas in ten directions. Because that's what they want you to do. They want you to express yourself. Because they know that it's the only path for you to liberation from yourself. This self that you have to express fully is not the whole story of yourself.

[19:22]

But still, we must express it 100%. And if we can express it 100%, the rest of the story of the self will come and meet us. Actually, the rest of the story, or a lot of the rest of the story, will come to meet us, even if we don't get to 100%. But the complete meeting comes at the complete expression of your limited, deluded self. And the only thing we have is a limited, deluded self. The rest of the story we don't have. It's just the rest of the story. So it's hard for us to inhabit and express what we are told.

[20:27]

Perhaps now you are told, I've warned you, that what you have available to you is just delusion. Just selfish consciousness, which we say is boundless, unclear, and there's no fundamental to rely on. That's what you've got to work with. Who would want to express that? Who would want to express that? Only Buddha. It's a big risk to express a deluded person. So what most people do is they just occasionally squeak a little bit of expression here and there. They still get punished for it, but they think probably not as much as if I would totally show it. And you might get in more trouble if you totally come out of the closet. I don't know. But it doesn't matter when you totally come out, because you will be instantly liberated.

[21:30]

Instantly liberated. Because when you totally come out of the closet and express yourself, you have just forgotten about yourself, because you don't care about yourself anymore, because if you care about yourself, you hold back a little bit, because you would be afraid of what would happen to you if you actually told the story about you in detail. Even you know what. You got the joke, that's good. That's good. Now, when you start expressing yourself and approaching like wholehearted, honest expression, you know, you don't have to be like me. You don't have to do it like I do it. You could be kind of nice. But would you be actually, or would you be worse than me? Who knows? Let's see it.

[22:36]

But I promise, I'll applaud it, even if I have to close my eyes. Okay, so I can go on like this and I will for the rest of my life, but I can also stop now if you have any comments. No, thanks. Is that it then? Want to go back in your holes? I was just kidding. Anyway.

[23:40]

You all know that you can't really be yourself in this world, don't you? You know what they'll do to you if you express yourself, don't you? You know it's too much of a risk. So just wait for your next birth and maybe then you'll be a nicer person. And then you can express yourself because you'll be a better person and everybody will like it, right? That's what we all think, isn't it? We don't really believe it. I'm afraid of dying if I express myself. Right. You're not the only one. Millions and millions of people are afraid that they'll be killed if they express themselves. Killed. So, what they do is they start, they deny themselves.

[24:49]

They hide it. They abandon themselves. They suppress it. Get down there. Get down there. They'll kill us if you come up. Millions and millions and millions, billions of people do that. Fortunately, the self does not put up with it and takes revenge. However, the way it takes it is horrible because it doesn't even know, so it takes it out on other people. But if you can feel how you're afraid to express yourself, then you're a little bit awake. So, please, in and out, express yourself before it's too late. And I promise I won't kill you.

[25:54]

And I really, I vow to reward people for expressing themselves. I won't even kill you if you try to express yourself and lie at first, just to test the ground. But I can't guarantee somebody else won't kill you. I've gotten quite a bit of flack for expressing myself. Quite a bit. But as you see, I'm still doing it. Anything else you want to talk about?

[27:01]

Any questions? Yes. Good. Could you talk a little bit more about the relationship between practicing virtues and expressing yourself? And you've got to be careful where to grab it, to bring it out of your… wherever it is, to bring it out and look into the world and show it. You have to take careful attention in order to bring it out. Also, you have to be generous to bring it out. Also, you have to be patient, because in the process, you may have noticed that you try to bring it out, but then you kind of like maybe resist.

[28:12]

Also, you bring it out, and when you bring it out, you run into resistance in the other. The other pushes back, too. Because part of bringing it out is to bring it out and get some resistance. You can't actually see it unless you get some resistance, and then you get the resistance, so you have to be patient with the resistance you get as you bring the self out. Patience with the pain and the criticism. And it's partly just because it's the other, and it's partly because you're a novice at this. And you have to be concentrated, and you have to be steady, because if you bring it out part way and don't finish it, it doesn't count too much. You have to like bring it all the way through. So thoroughness is required. Patience. Conscientiousness. All these virtues are required to bring this precious delusion out in the world. Once you get it out here fully, again, I say it will liberate you from itself.

[29:17]

If it stays inside, it will destroy your life. Because it's really, you know, quite upset, to say the least, about being kept back in darkness. It wants to be out in the light so it can be forgotten. And illuminated and infused with happiness and interconnectedness with all of its roots. It's driving us to bring it out. It wants to be transcended, but it also wants to be maintained. So patience is required because there's this tremendous dynamic and tension there between protecting it and maintaining it and bringing it out so it can be transcended. It's very dynamic. You must be patient with this process. And you must be clear to realize that other people aren't really interfering with you, aren't really blocking you.

[30:20]

They're actually providing you with what you need in order to actually bring it out. You can't express yourself if everybody backs away and just lets you walk out. This parting of the Red Sea kind of thing is not the way you express yourself. You express yourself in dependence on others' resistance to you and cooperation, but resistance especially. So you have to have a lot of skill, a lot of wholesomeness, a lot of good things in order to bring this out. Whereas all bad habits keep it in the dark. So the accumulation of all bad habits plus this thing in the darkness is a really, well, you know, it's a terrible situation. Yes? What if everyone's expressing themselves at the same time? Already that's happening, that everybody's expressing.

[31:22]

What if everybody fully expressed themselves at the same time? Well then like the whole universe would be total bliss out. Say it again? No. Cruelty is when you, you know, you're cruel to yourself. That's cruelty. Not ours. Cruelty to others. No, you're cruel to yourself and you're cruel to others too. Same thing. As long as you're cruel to yourself, you're going to be cruel to others. That was something that wanted to come out. The cruelty? Yeah. Cruelty is not yourself. Cruelty is what I would call an unskillful way of taking care of yourself. That's not yourself. You could say, well, it's an attribute of myself. That would be okay. But if cruelty was an aspect of your character, then that would be one thing.

[32:27]

And you could gently, kindly bring out the fact that you're cruel. It would be spoken about in actions? It could be spoken about, yes. You could say, I've noticed that I'm really quite cruel. But you could speak that way in a very gentle, mindful, conscientious, tender way. You could say, I noticed that I'm capable of being quite cruel and I actually have done these cruel things. That would not be a cruel way of bringing out the issue of your cruelty. To bring out your cruelty cruelly would not bring it out. The story of your cruelty would be shredded in the process of a cruel revelation. Gentleness and kindness is what shows things accurately. Cruelty is what keeps our cruelty undercover. Our cruelty sticks its head up and goes, get that down there, you cruel, get down there. A lot of people, when they first start noticing their cruelty, the first thing they do is they beat themselves up for it.

[33:32]

And then it's gone, hidden for months, years later. When people start bringing their cruelty out and I see them being mean to themselves, I try to say, don't be so rough, it's okay, be nice to the cruelty. Be nice to it, let it come out. Once it gets out of here, we can take care of it. Give it a little walk, pet it. So all it needs to come out is for you to think, oh, I'm cruel and I've done cruel things in the past. That's enough, that could be enough. Just, I have done cruel things in the past, that's enough. Just clear, cool confession. That's enough. It's not mean, it's just what you see. And then someone might say, if you say it to somebody else, they might say, well, tell me about it. Then you can bring it out in a little bit more detail and see more clearly its aspects and how it works. And again, you start to see yourself, your own particular style of cruelty. Is it possible to keep a distance from it and just think about it without actually developing some sort of a physical manifestation?

[34:38]

Are you asking if it's possible to keep a distance from the cruelty? Is that what you're saying? In bringing it out. Can I ask you a question, the first part? It is definitely possible for us to keep a distance in our cruelty. Most people have considerable distance on their cruelty. That's how cruelty gets to do its thing, because nobody's around. You know? So, that's my first response. Now you want to bring out some more? Well, it just seemed as if in a way you were speaking of it. Yes. I mean, you're talking about expressing the things inside of you that have been kept down in the past. I'm talking about expressing yourself. Okay? You're not so clear what it is. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But you just said a little bit right there. You said you're not so clear. That's where you're at.

[35:39]

You're not so clear about what yourself is. And you're not the only one. Generally speaking, people are characterized by self-ignorance. People do not know much about themselves. The self is kept in the dark. People do not look. That's an example of our non-virtue, that we don't look back at ourselves. People are, generally speaking, at a loss. You ask them about themselves, they have not much to say. Because they don't look at it. They're just driven by it. And they don't want to look back and see what their, you know, what their slave owner looks like. So, I'm saying, look back, and when you see something, tell yourself about it, and then bring it out in front. If you're not very familiar with it, that's exactly what I'm saying. I'm not saying every time you have a cruel impulse to go do something cruel. That's not getting to know yourself. Well, if you have a cruel impulse to admit it, to say there's a cruel impulse, that's what I'm saying.

[36:39]

Admit it. Admit it is how you bring it out. If you bring out cruelty, generally speaking, you won't notice it. As you bring it out, you go into unconsciousness. But to admit cruelty is awake. It's quite different. Most people who do cruel things do not think at the time they do cruel things, I'm doing a cruel thing. They just go blind in the cruelty. Then later they may wake up. So now I think most of us, as far as I can tell, I can't say for sure, have done enough cruelty. Now let's just admit what we've done. Let's concentrate on admitting all the cruelty we've done. Actually, that's quite an exciting career. Very, you know, very, you know, vital thing that if we would all just admit all the cruel things we've done, it would, you know, snap us out of a lot of dull, you know, times. It's much more interesting than watching TV. It's so interesting that we probably, most of us, won't do much of it at all. But we will have time to talk about other people's cruelty. It's so easy, we've been doing that all along.

[37:42]

What I'm talking about, not talk about ours, not express cruelty, you've done enough. Admit the cruelty you've already done. Admit the cruelty you've been planning on doing but don't want to, you know, think you'll get in trouble for. Spill the beans of all your terrible plans you have for people. Bring that stuff out and you will come out along with it. Because you can also tell, well, why? What's the reason for all this cruelty you want to perpetrate on this person? Well, they did this to me and they did that to me, and so on. This is part of bringing yourself out. I guess I have one more question. One? I think about, I mean, cruelty kind of implies an action. But what if I have this anger, maybe a history of anger, and I want to recognize that I have this. You want to recognize that you have anger? Yeah. Good. I mean, wouldn't it, I mean, I could easily say, well, I was angry in the past, but that's not my true self, and so it's all over now.

[38:43]

But, I mean, wouldn't, to fully realize that that was part of you, wouldn't you have to go through an experience of actualizing the anger inside of you? Well, if we take one step backwards, you said something about, did you say something about, I've had anger in the past, but that's not my true self? Did you say that? That would be a way of distancing yourself. You'd recognize and confess that you had anger in the past. Yes. But isn't it... Would you say something more, though? You said this other thing, that's not my true self. Didn't you say that? Yeah, probably. Okay. So, if you would say that part also, then that would be starting to bring yourself out. You'd say, that's not my true self. You see, by saying that, if you say that's not my true self, then you've made a statement about yourself. It's not that. Once you start bringing that out, you start to realize, now, what did I just say? You see? Don't miss that one. That was quite interesting that you said that wasn't your true self. Then I could say to you, well, what is your true self, if that's not it? Then you could tell me, for example, well, it's this. Now, that's...

[39:45]

I just didn't want to miss that little jewel there, okay? Now, let's bring out the next thing that you're talking about. I guess I just have a question about how this process of expression works. Do you remember what you said, the next thing you said about anger? Do you remember that part? Which part was it? I think you said something like, well, how am I going to know about the anger if I don't experience it, or something like that. Did you say something like that? What did you say? Well, I guess my question is whether we can think of that as part of ourself in the moment, unless we're going through a process of expressing and experiencing anger, and saying, yes, this is a part of what I am. That's fine. Again, if you're sitting upright and anger comes up, you will probably notice it. You'll say, oh, here's anger coming up. Okay? That's good, to notice the anger when it's coming up. That's part of what you're going to be able to spot if you're here. Now, some people are sort of here, but they're so, you know,

[40:48]

habitually conditioned to not notice anything bad about themselves, that even though it comes up right in their face, they don't notice it. This has to be, you know, then you have to be a little bit more present. If you're present long enough, you'll start to notice these things about yourself which you've been denying. Then you might also make comments like, as this anger comes up, you may also say, well, that is part of myself, or it isn't part of myself. All these comments, all this stuff that comes up, just let it come up. That's the point. And let it come out. It'll just all come out. And then when it starts coming out, then, if possible, notice it. And then if you notice it, then tell somebody else about it too, so that they can say, well, it doesn't make sense. Are you leaving something out? You say, hmm, oh yeah, blah, blah. Oh, that makes much more sense. Thank you. And so on. So just be present with what's happening to you. Be mindful of what you're doing all day long. Be mindful of what you're thinking. Be mindful of what you're saying. Be present, and you'll notice things are coming up.

[41:51]

Various feelings and emotions. That's part of it. And then bring it out. Don't do this or do that necessarily. Just admit what you're already aware of. And you'll start to wake up to who you are. And you'll start to notice that you are expressing yourself all the time. And maybe you can do it even more fully. If you've got anger, whatever it is right now, I say fully experience it and tell us about it. Sure. Definitely. Definitely. That's good. You're doing it. You're modeling it. That's good. Unless you're lying. I was in the office the other day and I

[42:53]

really didn't like what happened to me. I could have said, well, I really don't like this. You sure could have. And they might have had something to say to you too. But, you know, being good Zen students, what I mean is being attached to what they think a good Zen student is, I was trying to be a good Zen guest. Yeah, we're all trying to be good what we think is good. We're all attached to what we think is good. And that's swell. But let's start telling the truth. Too. And gradually we'll give up our attachments and then we'll realize what Buddha says. That we fully possess the wisdom and virtues of all the Buddhas. But if you can't even admit your little mountain of non-virtue,

[43:54]

you aren't going to be able to accept something that's so wonderful as your true nature, which is total, immutable wisdom of all Buddhas. On the other hand, if you can accept being a human being, that's so hard that you'll be able to accept your true nature. The warm-up to being a Buddha is to be you. One hundred percent. And that is not easy. It is painful. It is embarrassing. And so on. Don't say we said it was easy. It is simple but not easy. Anything else? Yeah.

[44:58]

I've seen more really lovely, beautiful, wholesome smiles down here than I have seen, for example, in the New York subway. And I was just wondering if you have any understanding of what the process is. Subway? Why there are more happy, seemingly happy, clear-eyed, beautiful smiles here than in some other places you might know. Or that I might know. I think it's because these people are getting closer to letting themselves be themselves. I think the fact that I can talk to these people this way tonight shows that they're not that far from being able to do what I'm talking about. Even if they would get up here and like fight back, in this case, you know, and argue with me, that would still show that they're closer to doing what I'm talking about. Most people on the New York subway would not sit here and listen to me talk like this.

[46:01]

They would just get off the subway and go have a hot dog. And therefore, you know, people who don't listen to me are miserable. Anybody who can listen to me is going to be happy. They're happy, these people are happy because they can listen to me talk like this. They can put up with it. They can be patient with what's happening to them now. Okay? At least that's one story. I don't believe that. But I just want to say that. And I hope those lovely smiles you're offering the guests are really you. I hope you're not kind of cheating there. And even if you do feel sad and you smile, it isn't necessarily a lie. Unless you

[47:05]

lie to yourself about your sadness. It is possible to feel really sad and really smile at somebody. It's possible to feel really sad and look into somebody's eyes and see them sad and smile, a loving smile. It's very possible. But it's also possible to smile and be suppressing your sadness. So I hope that you can feel your own sadness, your own pain, and still bring a kind and generous face to everybody you meet. I think it's possible. I hope that's what's going on. Yes? Are you saying whenever you have a judgment comes up in your mind? In my case,

[48:09]

you can say it to me definitely. But most people not necessarily. It might not be helpful. The important thing is that you know that you feel a judgmental feeling towards somebody. That's an important thing. That you bring that out in front of yourself. And then it's good to tell somebody for whom it would be beneficial. So for example, to tell a Zen teacher either directly about them or about somebody else, to tell them about what you're feeling and seeing yourself. They appreciate hearing that because they love to see you grow. They like to see you unfolding your lotus blossoms. Okay? So they'll be happy to see that. It won't hurt them. But if you talk to somebody and tell a particular person about your negative judgments about them or positive judgments about them, they may not be able to handle it skillfully. It may not be helpful. Okay? But for you to be aware of it and to bring it up into your awareness and bring it out in front of yourself, that's good. That won't hurt the other person necessarily if they don't hear about it. And you shouldn't tell somebody else

[49:11]

about some negative judgment you have about the person except as a confession of your negative judgment. But that means somebody that's a... basically has a teacher relationship with you. You don't, like, you know, spread slanderous rumors about people around the community except as I'm confessing that I have this... this kind of mind. Okay? Sometimes it's a little tricky to learn the difference but you need to learn the difference. And sometimes you make a few mistakes in the process and hopefully you'll learn the difference between bringing it out and smearing somebody with it. It's the smearing you shouldn't do but the bringing out the same information to bring it out as a confession of what's happening with you that's good and doesn't hurt the other person they don't need to ever hear about it. But if it's about a teacher tell the teacher. Is he a fundamental Christian

[50:19]

or a fundamentalist Christian? You chose not to... not to tell him how you're feeling about him? You became judgmental about your relationship with him. Yes? To bring out my interest in Buddhism and to talk to him about that do you feel like it would hurt him? Yeah, well, if you think it would hurt him then maybe don't tell him. But sometimes expressing things to people might be painful for them to hear but not hurt them. Sometimes painful might be not harmful. But just for example if you're in pain it might be painful for your grandfather to understand that you're in pain but it might be helpful for your grandfather to know that you're in pain. Can you imagine that?

[51:23]

Yeah, so in that case it wouldn't necessarily be harmful. The important thing to do is to look into yourself and see if you're not telling because it's protecting yourself. You check it out. Be honest. That's the main thing to get over. Then after that's taken care of then you can see about whether who it would be helpful to talk to. And the more you talk to somebody that's in an appropriate way the more it's going to come out and the more skillful you're going to get until finally you might be able to talk to your grandfather about a wide range of things that you weren't able to talk to him about before. The more you bring this stuff out the more flexible the more these virtues develop around this disclosure around this expression. And the more skillful you get the more wide your audience can be and the more you can learn about yourself and so on. It just it goes towards the light. Bringing up the darkness creates light. Keeping everything in the darkness

[52:24]

brings the light into darkness. So turn the light around and shine it back there and bring out what you find. That's what I'm talking about. Is that enough? Yes? When he was talking about the subway Yes? that there's not he doesn't experience smiles on the subway. Not as many. Not as many. But I'm wondering when we go back to our subway how do we take back I mean this we take back the self that we're discovering and the telling of the truth but sometimes it's harder when we get in that kind of Uh-huh. Okay, so one way if I may interpret your question is at Tassajara

[53:24]

it may be somewhat difficult to bring out this thing which you just are kind of you're kind of a neophyte at expressing this self. Okay? But you can do it a little bit. So you know you can develop some skill at expressing yourself in an environment where you're getting some encouragement to do so. How are you going to do it when you get into a situation where people are saying I don't want to hear about your you know, stuff. How are you going to do it in that situation? Well, you're probably not going to be able to. So you may have to come back to Tassajara right away. That's why all these people are here. Year after year they're trying to learn they're trying to be in an environment where they feel enough trust that they can express themselves. Once you can express yourself more then then you can go to the subway and try but it's going to be harder. However the ultimate is that you would learn how to do it against that kind of resistance. I mean that's that's the great

[54:24]

Suzuki Roshi said the wise monk lives in the mountain the great sage lives in the subway. He didn't say subway. I say subway. He said in the city. Once you can express yourself to the people in the mountains fully then go try to do it in the subway. It'll be harder but it'll be even a fuller revelation of who you are and it will be a fuller liberation. You can't get completely liberated at Tassajara. You can get pretty liberated but then you have to go back into the city to see how it holds up to a less inviting audience. But eventually our goal would be that we could express ourselves fully everywhere in the world and that is to save all sentient beings. But you know it's going to take time to be able to do that. But you know you got to kind of like

[55:26]

be up for the big long huge mountain of work and that's part of the virtue is when you do a little bit of it you say oh my god there's so much more to do. Part of the virtue is to say yeah there's a lot to do I'm up for it. Fine. Let's go. Enthusiasm in the face of a tremendous huge amount of effort. Now oh it's so much I don't know if I can do it. Forget that. Okay. Is that enough? Night time? Bed time? Yeah. We have trade of breathing and voice with the true merit of the

[56:27]

sway

[56:28]

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