Today we have a special ceremony for the, we don't know what, called Bodhidharma. Whatever Bodhidharma is, we celebrate that today. We, we, we appreciate the practice of Bodhidharma. And, if one looks at some of the pictures of Bodhidharma, one notices that the picture

[01:11]

is, often has a beard which is not necessarily natty, somewhat of a scruffy beard and he has wrinkles on his forehead and a little bit of hair around the base of his balding skull. I wouldn't go so far as to say he's not cute, because I'm sure some people think he really is, but in a way he looks like a fairly ordinary grumpy old man. But, at the same time, seems to be thoroughly what he is, whatever that is. So, thoroughly human that he doesn't know who he is, so thoroughly human that he realized

[02:25]

vast emptiness and that there's nothing holy or unholy in the entire universe. Everything's free of such categories. So, it's very nice that his ceremony day comes at the beginning of our practice period, towards the beginning of it, because he sets the tone of Zen practice for the last 1,500 years and can help us set the tone of the practice for this, our little retreat here. After his meeting with the Emperor of China, he crossed the Yangtze and went to Shaolin,

[03:38]

which means Little Forest, and sat coolly, silent and still, facing a wall for nine years. Now, facing the wall means that he sat with a mind that's like a wall. He sat with a mind that couldn't think of being any other place than here, and a mind that couldn't think of any other time than now, and a mind that couldn't think of being any other person than this. Like John Grimes, Bodhidharma's big thing was no.

[04:39]

No. Whatever comes up, no coughing or sighing about it, no scoffing or praising, just totally cool. At the same time, cool in response and total warmth about everything. Not leaning to the right, not leaning to the left, not getting involved in too much or not enough. Not getting involved in now what, then what, what next, or so what.

[05:43]

And yet all this is buzzing around like little flies in his eyes. Yesterday during lunch, no it wasn't yesterday during lunch, just the day before during lunch, these flies found this very tender spot on my face, sort of under my mouth, around my chin. And they found this spot and they landed there and they started digging around in there, right in here. So difficult to find a true place there. Just be there with the flies, digging in this most tender place.

[06:45]

Sitting coolly, facing the wall, in the silence he completely brought up the true imperative of the Buddha way, the true imperative of selfless practice, of a practice which you can't do, I can't do, a practice which is inconceivable and is inconceivably identical with inconceivable liberation. We would like to be able to conceive of the practice and of the liberation and we have some sense of we would like to be liberated from all suffering, but we have some conception of that, what that would be like, and some conception of the practice involved in realizing

[08:00]

that. But selfless practice means you practice giving away your conception of your practice. It doesn't mean you don't have a conception of practice, you can have a conception of your practice, that's all right, but you give it away. You give away your conception, which means you drop your body and mind. In Bodhidharma's practice, you practice without holding on to your idea of what your practice is. As one modern Zen teacher says, you take your head and just take it off and set it down

[09:00]

next to your orioke, and it can sit there thinking about, you know, practice is this and practice is that, fine, your practice in the meantime is your practice, it's not what you think of it, not what I think of it, fortunately for you. To let your practice be your practice, you have a mind like a wall. With a mind like a wall, thus, in that way, you enter the Buddha way. This is Bodhidharma's imperative, which he teaches us by not saying anything and just sitting, just being Bodhidharma, that's how he taught it. Now, when you sit with no expectation, not trying to get anything from your practice,

[10:15]

having given up yourself and all your concerns, when you sit like that for one period, that is one period of Buddha, that is one period of Nirvana. Since you've given away yourself and all ideas of practice, however, you don't know it's one period of Buddha or one period of Nirvana, it just is one period of Buddha. This is the faith, this is the faith, this is Bodhidharma's faith, this is Dogen's faith, this is Suzuki Roshi's faith, this is Buddha's faith. Not faith in something, it's the faith of Buddha.

[11:20]

Now, to practice whatever practice you practice without any attachment to attainment... ...is the Prajna of the Mahayana. This mind which is free of attainment, without any concern for attainment, is a mind which is free from attachment to self, free of all expectations, free of all marks of realization. We call this in Zen, no mind and no thought. And there's no mind and no thought have no characteristics by which to recognize it.

[12:38]

With this Buddha mind of no thought, you can stand in inconceivable practice, you can sit in inconceivable practice, and you can tolerate inconceivable liberation and realize, and let it be realized. Such a practice is exactly enlightenment, is exactly Nirvana, no difference. But, a practice with the tiniest bit of selfishness still involved, magically blocks our true nature, creates a magical block to Nirvana. So, let's begin.

[14:12]

Sometimes the students seem to be encouraged to get something, to attain something. In other words, people seem to be encouraged to have a mind of attainment, rather than the mind without attainment. And, there may be some virtue in this, because encouraging attainment may be help to bring the thing, the spirit, which needs to be given up, out in front, so you can see more clearly what it is you need to give up. For example, in giving, if you give with some idea that you're giving something to somebody,

[15:25]

that you, that a self is giving something to another self, or another being, that process of giving may help you be aware of the self, which, once you're aware of the self, then you can give it away. To give away the self before you realize what it is that you're giving away may be easy, but not realistic. In other words, you may think you gave it away, but then find out that you didn't. So if you give something and feel some sense of loss or regret, wanting it back, or wanting something back for it, like fame for being generous, then you may feel the self, and you've got it there, then you can give the self away.

[16:28]

Giving the self away is nirvana. Giving that self that popped up there and felt angry at not getting a thank you back for the gift. Being totally devoted to the welfare of others before yourself, hoping that others will become happy and free and get the highest welfare before you, if you really get into that, it may flush out or expose the self, which then again, once it's clear, then you've got it, then you give it away. Donate this self, and particularly donate the selfishness around it. A few years ago, I was at Esalen Institute and I was talking to them about the Bodhisattva

[17:46]

vow of helping others before oneself, and they were very suspicious of this. I forgot exactly the nature of their suspicion right now, but what I think was the problem was that they were aware that without taking care of yourself, there's some dishonesty to practicing a way that doesn't take care of the self. So, in some sense, some of the people I was talking to were, in some sense, awake to the fact that you need to take care of yourself, because if you don't, there's going to be

[18:49]

some kind of reaction. That's why this process of giving away yourself has to be done in such a way that you're very kind to yourself while you're giving it away, and you're very kind to yourself as you let go of all selfish concerns, which was also brought up the other day about being kind in the process. So it isn't that you go around slushing out your selfishness and then beating yourself up for it until you let go of it, but when it's flushed out, be very kind and gentle,

[19:56]

and the way to be kind and gentle with it that we're recommending here is not be kind and gentle in an indulgent way, but in a Bodhidharma way. Just clearly observe the selfishness, don't stick your head in it, don't scoff at it, don't snarl at it, don't chuckle at it. Maybe chuckling's a little okay, but basically just stay upright with it. That's really the kind way to be with it. Understand that the selfishness is a little raw when exposed, because it's used to be hiding under a rock, keeping in a safe place, so when it actually gets out in the open, it's feeling vulnerable and raw, so don't rush in and smother it with affection, don't kick it out the door, just stay upright with it and it will get used to the cool breeze of reality. Then, when it's sitting there, all aerated and kind of comfortable in the midst of the

[21:08]

vulnerability, then just let it drop off. It will, if you handle it in this wall-like way, but it's very hard when there's vulnerable things out there, you know, you want to slip into, well now what? Where should we go next? What's going to happen? All that stuff's happening very intensely, somebody wants to know who's taking care of the situation, what's going to happen to me, to this? So at that time, you stay close to it, don't abandon it. For reasons of selfishness, for selfish reasons, we have abandoned our selfishness.

[22:09]

We have rejected our selfishness and therefore our selfishness runs the show. Because we've abandoned it, it's become a power monger and has taken over. If we would let it out and not abandon it, but stay close to it without doing anything, it will gradually switch from power to love, and in that loving relationship it will drop off the unnecessary self-concern. And again, in this intimate work of finding this mind that's like a wall, perhaps the

[23:26]

most tempting distraction, again, is the reason for doing it. In other words, the reason for this mind like a wall is as the way to enter the Buddha way. So that getting the Buddha way, then again, will be the most tempting distraction from doing the work of entering the Buddha way. Getting some merit, attainment, or enlightenment, or liberation, will be the most tempting distraction. This practice we have is so well suited for this kind of practice.

[24:28]

The practice we have here at Tassajara, literally, is so suitable for actual Zen practice. In the literal situation of you coming in here and sitting here and not being asked to say anything during meditation periods, all the talk you do to yourself is optional. Optional and not even prohibited. Optional and allowed. That practice is so close that some people occasionally, it's so close to the actual practice of just sitting here with no idea of attainment. Just sitting here without trying to get anything. What you're usually doing is so close to sitting without trying to get anything, that many of you often notice that going to the Zen dojo, you probably won't get anything.

[25:30]

You look forward, if you think of the next period, you realize you might not get anything out of that period. It might be uncomfortable, it might be comfortable, but basically, it's possible you won't get much out of it, and therefore, it's not that attractive. Of course, it's also not that attractive to not go in considering that you might, perhaps someone might not approve of it or something, or you might have to lie in order to explain the reason you didn't go. But you could, you know, tell the truth and say, the reason why I didn't go to this period was because I realized that I wasn't going to get anything and I did not want to go up there and spend my time not getting anything. I've had enough periods like that. One more I don't need, at least this one I didn't need. I'd rather read a book, and I know at least I'll get something out of that.

[26:38]

To actually go into a situation where you know you might not get much, now, some of you might have some techniques that you practice here that give you something, in which case then you might be salivating at the idea of coming up here. But to come here with the suspicion or, you know, awareness that you might not gain anything from the next period of meditation, and to come and sit there in the middle of that and actually let it be the case that you didn't get anything, that's virtually enlightenment. And it is exactly enlightenment if you completely settle with that non-gaining, total waste of time, from a selfish point of view. Not only is it a total waste of time from what you're going to get, but on top of that

[28:12]

it might be uncomfortable. Discomfort has perhaps, again, the possible benefit of distracting you from the fact that you're not getting anything out of it, and just the heroic survival of the difficulty. But really the combination of the two is often the case, that it actually is hard, just physically difficult to be still in the midst of the more difficult thing of not getting anything. But again, to practice that way, I don't get anything, but the practice gets to be

[29:16]

practiced. The practice is practiced for the sake of the practice, and the actual Bodhidharma practice is then alive in this world. Of all places, right at the place of a selfish person. So, if one wants to practice any kind of meditation technique, that's fine, if you can practice it without any sense of gaining anything from it.

[30:17]

And once again, if you do some kind of practice with a sense of gain, and you note and you have some idea of who it is that's gaining something, then just try to bring that self out in front and give that self away. Practice generosity, and use the thing that you give away, being the one who wants to get something out of the practice, just give that away, and see what's left. Then the technique, the meditation technique, may continue to go on, but there'll be nobody there then, maybe, concerned with whether it works or doesn't, or makes anybody better or worse. It's also possible that the one who's concerned for gain will pop right back up again, and that you have to bring it out in front and give it away again, and so on, that you have to keep giving it away moment after moment, that it keeps popping up again and again. And that's fairly likely.

[31:24]

And one more thing is that when we're in the realm of inconceivable liberation, when you're in that realm, which is called Dharma, there's no self in there. Like I said a few practice periods ago, when you come into the Dharma realm, like this Dharma realm here, when you come in, you check yourself at the door. In both senses of the word, check, you check yourself and then check it at the cloakroom and come in. So there's no self in here, but then there's sometimes what do you call it, a kind of like

[32:48]

a jumping out of the Dharma realm, or getting up on the sort of on the lip of the cauldron of the Dharma realm, sort of jump up on the edge, stand on the edge, or just maybe jump over out of it a little bit and you say something like, you know, well now what, or so what. And at that point, if you enter into some kind of explanation to this one, you're just carrying on more discussion, as we say, in the weeds, which sometimes is necessary. Sometimes you have to talk to other people out there, but with yourself, if you enter into a dialogue with that, you've gotten out and you're staying out, you're continuing

[33:49]

to be exiled from this realm of selflessness. To not reject that question, those questions, to not reject them, to listen to them, to hear them, and not to praise them and entertain them, you stay in the realm of inconceivable liberation. You stay, I mean, you continue to be present in it. But it's sometimes difficult to tell whether you should like, again, what is it, cough at it, or sigh. Cough at it, you know, scoff at it and push it away, or, you know, it's aww, and take care of it. You've got to be very careful there. But again, stay upright with those comments, you don't leave the, what do you call it,

[34:54]

bodhimanda, you don't leave the seat of awakening. Is that clear? Okay. These conversations may arise intensely around, you know, a real living practice of presence with selflessness. All around selflessness are these debates. And so, to respond to them respectfully means to, you know, respond to them like you would probably respond to meeting Bodhidharma before he started saying anything to you. Just that you'd be present and you wouldn't lean into him too much, maybe, and you wouldn't

[35:56]

shrink back. I mean, you might think of shrinking back, but you try to stay upright and present with him. Treat these potentially distracting questions and comments on selfless practice, treat them like Buddhas. Because, in a sense, they're Buddhas, they're testing your resolve. They're coming and saying, good, good, good, are you sure you want to do this practice? You know where this is going to lead you, don't you? Are you sure you want to, you know, take on the responsibility for the Buddha way? Now they may sound like demons too, you know, but the point is you should treat the demons which are tempting you to run away from this the same as you would a Buddha which is, you know, encouraging you and making sure you want to do it. Treat demons and Buddhas the same. From the selfless point of view, they're identical. From the selfish point of view, you may prefer demons over Buddhas or vice versa, depends

[36:58]

on yourself. From the selfless point of view, they're equal, we don't prefer one over the other, and we respect both as our true mind manifesting around selfless practice. What I'm doing here, what I think I'm doing here, what I'm, I think, trying to do is enact a little bit the dynamic situation that surrounds a mind that's like a wall, a mind that sits

[37:59]

upright, silent and still, free of its own intelligence, is surrounded by tremendous movement and noise, and the more free you are of your intelligence, the more your intelligence comes to say, are you sure you're not, you know, becoming retarded or damaging yourself in some way? Are you sure you're not drying up neural endings by this stupid practice? The more still you are, the more it moves all around you. The more quiet you are, the noisier it gets. The greatest silence is in the middle of the full music, the greatest stillness is in the center of the greatest movement, and the greatest intelligence is an intelligence which gives

[39:05]

itself up in minute, meticulous, impeccable detail of giving up itself, of meeting all of its tremendously complex manifestations point by point in an upright, balanced way. Moment after moment after moment, and so it comes to be a matter of continuity, the practice is very clear, he showed the true imperative, but to do it moment after moment, situation after situation, that's what we have practice periods for. That's all we're here for from Bodhidharma's point of view.

[40:10]

We have certain tasks to perform, but those tasks are just opportunities to see if they can be performed with a mind like a wall. Can you sweep the ground? Can you be involved in the busyness of sweeping the ground with the unbusy mind like a wall in the middle of that sweeping? Can you take care of the Sangha and prepare the meals with all that busyness while realizing a mind like a wall? And the monk sitting in his endo, tremendous busyness, all for the purpose of remembering and not forgetting this unbusy thing. And although we don't put it on the schedule or it's not assigned to you, all the selfishness

[41:28]

which is manifested in this community is just for the purpose of realizing selflessness. And we have a little selfishness here, we have enough to work with. But the difference between here and other places is that it's very clear what to do with it, whereas when you're over the ridge you're not so sure what you should do with your selfishness. Here you can be sure that what you should do with it is you should meet it with a mind like a wall, which means to study it in an upright, balanced way, to not reject it, to not indulge in it. Study the selfishness. That's certainly what we're here for as disciples of Buddha Dharma.

[42:31]

It's a special situation to learn about that. And again, as I was talking to someone about, the gentleness factor here in terms of dealing with all this stuff around your silence and around your stillness is that the chance of learning under these circumstances is greatest when there is some stress or some tension in this meeting. Some stress in the meeting of your present stillness and silence, which you carry with

[43:45]

you throughout the day, some tension, some stress there between that and these constantly arriving comments and suggestions of alternatives to that presence. There's some stress there when learning is most likely, or when there's some stress that learning is most likely. If there's no stress, if you're just walking around this valley, present, calm and quiet, and there's no stress, no challenge, no conflict, nothing challenging or destabilizing that presence, chances of understanding are not optimal. A little stress helps. Right? And so a little stress means somebody coming up to you and looking at you cross-eyed,

[44:47]

or somebody saying something with perhaps what doesn't sound like quite enough respect in the tone of their voice, or someone asking you to do something which doesn't make that much sense, or makes too much sense. Or somebody maybe saying something to you with just a little bit more respect than usual, so much more that they finally, somebody's hit the right tone, and it's like finally somebody sees how great you are. The truth, the recognition has occurred. These kinds of stress points are the place to learn. But part of it also is that there shouldn't be too much stress, because if there's so much stress that you lose your center, you don't learn there either. So we have to both be present and unmoving, at the same time stressed and challenged. No stress, the learning won't happen.

[45:50]

Too much stress, we won't be present enough to learn. So this is also part of the gentleness. If you walk around here with no challenge, something's funny. But don't then try to womp up the situation just to make sure that everything's okay. Just accept or notice that maybe something's off, and noticing that something might be off is enough of a stress. Noticing that you might be a phony is enough of a stress. Maybe I'm just faking it, pretending to be practicing here. That's enough. That thought is probably enough stress. Or someone else might respectfully whisper in your ear, maybe you're a phony. That might be enough stress. Or maybe that's too much stress. Maybe too much. So maybe you shouldn't whisper that in somebody else's ear unless they're really stable. But when they're really stable, and really strong, and really firm in their presence,

[46:54]

then it might just be enough. And lovingly, lovingly, all this could pop right out of you. Bodhidharma suddenly has inhabited your body, and has come to say that. Just like, what is his name? Da Wu said to Yun Men, Brother, you're too busy. But Yun Men could handle it, came right back. You should know there's one who's not busy here. Lovingly, whisper in the ear, lovingly, Oh thank you, well I have something to say to you too. Lovingly, appreciative of each other's comments. Being present, and using the stress to realize compassion, and friendship, and selfless identity. But not too much, and not zero.

[47:58]

And total imperturbable composure that's being questioned. That's being encouraged to come out and play. Nobody else can do your imperturbable presence, that's your job. To walk around with a mind free of attainment, that's your job. To be willing to be like that. And from that detachment, you may have something to offer to a friend, a friend may have something to offer to you. That brings this non-attachment, this non-attainment oriented mind, this brings this mind like a wall into flower. Brings the flowers sprouting out of the wall. But the basis of the Zen flower is this radically simple, settled, stillness, silence, and inconceivable selflessness.

[49:18]

That's the ground that the Zen flower comes out. It's the ground of the mind settled completely on the mind. You've got the mind, now completely settle with it. And then we'll come and help you, won't we? Naturally, spontaneously, we'll interact with you. And then through that interaction, you can see if your settledness can settle with you. You can break free into dance and song and flower. So listening to this story, it sounds tough and strict, like Bodhidharma, an example. But somehow I feel very optimistic for us. It sounds like we're going to have a lot of fun interacting and practicing together.

[50:22]

And coming up to this room with perhaps a whiff of hesitation at wasting another period of our life. And yet knowing that that smell or that feeling has been shared probably by so many millions of Zen monks over the centuries. But they had the faith to continue that practice, and therefore it has reached us. So did everything I said clear? Is anything unclear? Yes?

[51:32]

A name for a Zen flower in a verse that you... Oh, the Udumbara flower? Could be. What does it look like? This flower is a special flower. It has no characteristics. Pardon? Udumbara. This flower has no characteristics by which it can be recognized. Therefore it can be anything. And it's rare that it blooms. This particular flower, it's rare that it blooms. Which means that the blooming that is happening right now is rare. It never happened before and never will happen again.

[52:44]

So my feeling is, for this practice period anyway, I wouldn't need to give any more talks because you know now how to practice, right? It's very clear. It's hard to do, but... So all I would need to do now is just, for now, is just reminders. And for those of you... Reminders for those of you who, I don't know what, need a reminder. And for those of you who are remembering, all I would need to do would just be to, you know, toss the ball to you occasionally as you practice. Just toss you a ball. Do you understand what I mean? If you're practicing, all I've got to do is interact with you. I don't have to tell you anything more about what you've done in this practice, because you understand now, right? But you might forget, so I'd be happy to remind you. But basically, there's not much more to say. Just give yourself away. That's it.

[54:06]

Anybody else want to ask any questions about the names of flowers or anything? What about confirmation from a teacher? What about confirmation from a teacher about one's own enlightenment? Isn't that a being? Isn't that a what? Isn't that a being, an idea, for some people? I understand Zen a lot. It says you must be confirmed by a master. If you have a lot of confidence in your practice, like let's say a lot of confidence in your practice and your practice is going along really well, you can have more confidence if another practitioner who you really respect confirms it.

[55:23]

Okay? But the confirmation is confirmation, in this case, the confirmation is you are confirmed in your freedom from attaining confirmation. That's what's being confirmed. If you're trying to get confirmation, then the person who you need to meet will help you become aware of your attempt to get confirmation. And then if you become aware again of your attempt to get confirmation and drop that, then you will realize inconceivable liberation. Then, in order to deepen your confidence in such a practice, in such a way, it would be good if you could do that inconceivable liberation thing with somebody else.

[56:29]

So then you bring your not wanting to get confirmation to meet somebody, and you get confirmation. In other words, can you do it with someone else? So, when the Buddha sat under the bow tree and saw the morning star and realized that all beings have the Buddha nature, the Buddha was no longer, at that moment, caught up in any selfish concern. And the Buddha was not really a Buddha yet, though, but he was liberated from selfish concern, but he became a Buddha, or I should say, he became completely confident in the Dharma when he met another person and interacted with them.

[57:45]

And they woke up with him, then he became part of a Buddha-to-Buddha conversation, and in that conversation the Dharma was fully realized, exhaustively understood. But this level of interaction happens after personal transcendence of gain, or transcendence of personal gain. And it's possible to have as much transcendence of personal gain as you can have by yourself, to reach the top of the line of abandoning selfish concern that a person can do by herself. And when you've reached that point, and you meet somebody else, and it gets deeper or wider, like a room with a mirror in it seems twice as big. Or, there's ways of transcending your transcendence, and you need others to transcend your transcendence.

[58:56]

Yes? Yes? Well, if you've got yourself out in front there, let's say it's conveniently located out in front, it's a nice place to have it, it's usually in the back. But let's say somehow it's, for whatever reason, you've been practicing sincerely enough, you've demonstrated gentleness enough, so the self dares to come out in view, expose itself, and you let it sit there, you know, you don't smash it or anything. But you notice that even though it's out in front, you know, you're still kind of like cuddling it a little bit, or you kind of like have some preference for it, you're still kind of concerned for its survival. There's a little bit too much, you know, involvement or concern here. It isn't just a self is a self, and therefore not a self.

[60:13]

It isn't that the self's out there and you see right through it. No, you kind of like think there's something there, and you care about it, and you care about it more than most things in the neighborhood. And moving, a lot of other things can move around and you don't mind, but when you move that thing a little bit, you notice a big deal for you. If you feel this, now that you're out there, you feel the attachment and the concern, you know, like a little speck of dust or a little scratch on this little thing makes a big difference to you. So you got it out there and you're feeling this concern, you know. Okay? Now, if you gave it away, all the concern would drop off. So you can just say, okay, I'll give it away. Here, bye-bye. Now, did that work? Are you like, now, look, there's a self, there's not the self all around it, and I feel the same about the self and not the self?

[61:16]

If so, it looks like you've been successful at giving it away. That's what it's like. In other words, relief. Big time relief. No special high-density concern around this thing anymore. It's now like your energy is open and clear about everything. And the self's out there too. You didn't smash it out of existence either. The gentleness and honoring it got it out to expose itself. The being willing to, you know, live with the knowledge that you're selfish has allowed you to be aware that you're selfish. If you cannot tolerate being selfish, if you were told big time that you're a selfish kid and got punished for it so much, you're probably not going to easily admit that you're selfish now. But I'm here rooting for you to admit it. And I'm telling you with some confidence that there's some other people rooting for you to do that too.

[62:23]

Big names. And if necessary, I'll start name dropping heavily to encourage you to let it out, to admit what's always been there. What's been there since you were just a little shaver and you were told not to be that way. And so you said, okay, well if you don't want me to be that way, well I'll pretend not to be that way. But after a while you stopped, you forgot the little joke you played. So now let it out. And when it's out there, take care of it. It's the gentleness which is going to let it be out there. Now once you're gently, I got it out there. Now, just when you're ready, when you're ready, don't be ahead of time, don't rush yourself. It's an urgent matter to let go of this thing. But don't rush. If you rush, there'll be a backlash. So sometimes you rush, you get a backlash, you learn. That was rushing. But don't just lay back and go to sleep and say, no problem. There's an urgency to do this. If you don't do this pretty soon, you're going to miss your chance.

[63:26]

Pretty soon means before you die. But also I would say as far as possible ahead of when you die. Because if you wait until you die and you have Alzheimer's and stuff like that, it's not going to be so easy to do it. Because when you have sicknesses like that, you can't feel the intensity of this concern. So while you're still strong and healthy and you can feel all your tremendous youthful energy wrapped around this thing, now is the time to start admitting it. Because now you can really feel the difference between heavy duty concern and none. Or you know, basically none. Or anyway, unprejudiced concern. It's not like none. It's just that you're not prejudiced. You're concerned for yourself like you're concerned for others. So we say concern for others first to get a feeling for what it's like to be concerned for self equally. So, when you got it out there, now not roughly, but straightforwardly, just give it away. Did it work? Did it disperse that pattern of tension? Did the charge come off it? If you think it did, then tell others about how the charges come off it.

[64:32]

You know, and you'll know how to do it. You'll have all kinds of creative ways because it doesn't matter how you tell others once the charge is off it. You can do it stupidly, childishly, arrogantly. You can say, hey, guess what happened to me? I just had this great thing. I just dropped myself. What do you think of that? You can do it like that if you want to, but you might not do it that way. You might do it really sweetly like, guess what just happened? I just gave myself away. And now there's no charge around it. I'm totally like relieved and lightened up. That's me now. Hi, me, light, light, light me. What is it? You know? Meg light. Hi, hi. You know, who knows how you'll do it? The point is, you don't care anymore how you do it. Except you don't want to hurt people. That's all. So you do it gently in a way that they might be able to enjoy. Say, oh, I'm going to offer my self liberation to you. Here's a little gift for you today. Guess what happened?

[65:35]

This isn't like sort of brag. I just want you to know. Part of the reason I want you to know is I want to know, you know, what do you think of it? And maybe the person will scoff at you or cough at you or sigh at you. Maybe that'll happen. And maybe that won't bother you at all. And that'll be a confirmation. Oh, wow, that's great, you know. They totally put me down and it hurts, you know. It hurts when they put me down, but it's not like, it hurts me like it would hurt anybody. I mean, it hurts me like it would hurt somebody else who heard them say that. It's the same, no different. Then that's how you would, that's a story about how it would go. Do you understand? In other words, you'd be free. You do it how you want to. In other words, you could be yourself.

[66:36]

Once you've given yourself away, you can be yourself. Before you give yourself away, you can't be yourself. You won't let yourself be yourself because you're always selfishly concerned about how to present yourself, you know, to optimize your game. So then you're always blocked and stuck and tense and planning and calculating and hung up and miserable. When you're free of it, you can be you. Whatever that happens to be at the moment, which is constantly changing. We welcome this. You're welcome. You're welcome to be this way. Please come forward. Yes? What about attempting enlightenment for others? What about attempting enlightenment for others? Yes. Please. But the same, you know, it's the same thing.

[67:45]

Attempting enlightenment for others means practicing the way for the sake of the way. Yes. This self attempting to practice the way of enlightenment for the sake of others? This self attempting to be selfless for the sake of others? Mm-hmm. That's right. That's just, you know, a redundant way to put it, but I wanted to have the redundancy to make it clear. Selflessly practicing means practicing for others. Practicing for others means selflessly practicing. Selflessly practicing is enlightenment. Okay?

[68:54]

Okay. There's almost no pictures of Bodhidharma, like, you know, laughing or, you know, slapping his thighs and rolling around on the ground. I don't know, you know, I can't believe it that he didn't. But they don't have, I don't know, many pictures of him, you know, of him laughing. But it seems like he probably did sometimes. I'm sure he kind of scratched himself. Probably had fleas. Or lice. Yes? Yes? I was wondering if, um, you know, I guess my first question is, you know, like, how do you know if you're doing it right? Well, it's because you know obviously. And then you were saying that you've been in other people for transcendence.

[70:34]

So, are you really encouraging us to give each other feedback on... On what? You know, on how we're walking our path through life. Am I encouraging you to do that? Yeah. I don't, uh, I would encourage you to realize that you're constantly giving people feedback about how they're living their lives. You're always doing that. You're always doing that. You never don't do that. They never don't give you feedback. What if they're not getting it? What if they're slow? If they're slow? Yeah. If they're slow, they're giving you feedback on your patient's practice. So, I, I, I, you know, I guess... What'd you say? Um, it's that it was a, you know, a serious question. Pardon?

[71:35]

My question, it was a serious question about whether you would want us to comment. Well, you mean... Like, what friends and everything. I know you, I didn't feel like you were un-seriously asking that question, or that it was an un-serious question. But, I answered it, uh, with the way I answered it. The way I answered it was to point out to you that you do give feedback to everybody all the time. You asked me if you should. Okay? You asked me if you should do X. And I told you, you are already doing X non-stop. Oh, so it's not deliberate feedback, is it? Wait, no, no, don't jump to what it, more than what I said. First of all, I'm telling you that what you asked about, you're already doing. All right? That's my first thing I said to you. Okay? You are already doing that. You give me feedback whenever I meet you, you give me feedback on my practice. Whenever you meet me, you get feedback on your practice. Whenever you see anybody, that's feedback on your practice, because what you see is your practice. If you see a bunch of jerks in this valley, that's feedback on your practice.

[72:37]

That means your practice is very sick. If you see anybody in this valley that's not totally cool, that's, at that moment, your practice has just been told something. Your practice is off. When you see Buddhas everywhere, that's a comment on your practice. Okay? You simultaneously are walking around here giving feedback to everybody on their practice. When they see you, how they see you, you provide a way for them to see their practice. That's already going on. First, let's work, you asked me should you do blah, blah, blah, should you give people explicit feedback on their practice. But before you get on to what you want to talk about, in other words, you asked me about doing number, stage number two, without mentioning stage number one. I'm saying, take care of number one first. Number one is, you're already giving feedback and already getting feedback. Take care of all that, and when you're taking care of all that, then we can talk about other kinds of feedback. Okay? When you're really like, seeing somebody, when somebody comes up to you, you see that's feedback on your practice,

[73:43]

and they're like into seeing your feedback on their practice, then you might have something to say. For example, you might say, would you like some feedback on your practice? You could ask them that, and they'd say, I just got some, thanks. You know? And in fact, it happened. Okay? And then you might say, well, actually, there was this particular kind of feedback, in addition to the one you just got, I wondered if you'd like. And they might say, well, what is it? You say, but then I'll be giving it to you. And they might say, okay, I'm ready, let's have it. You say, well, you've got a problem in this area. And I say to them, I say, cool, thanks. But this should be coming from somebody who's like getting feedback from the other person on her practice, watch every moment of the way, you know. You don't walk up to somebody not getting feedback as you walk up.

[74:46]

I go up to her, and I take one step, feedback, another step, feedback, I'm getting feedback as I approach the person. The feedback is, I don't want to talk to you. You know? And I think now, gee, what kind of a practice do I have? This person doesn't even want to talk to me as I approach. Well, of course, easy to switch over to what kind of practices she had that she doesn't want to talk to me. She doesn't want to talk to me because she's angry, arrogant, unappreciative, and deluded. That's why when I walk up to her, she gives me this message like, stay away. If you knew who I really was, you'd be saying, oh, please come and give me feedback. You know? No, no, it's the other way around. What is it about my practice that's causing this person to look afraid and starting to tense up? Why is their smile becoming very kind of like stiff and, you know, kind of ironic? What's happening here? And if I approach in that way, I don't really necessarily have that much to say to them.

[75:49]

I've got plenty to work on myself. Now, could I ever, like, comment on somebody else's practice after all that? Maybe. I could say, well, now I've arrived. Here I am, and I've just gone through all this stuff about, you know, my practice in meeting you, and I think there was something I wanted to talk to you about. What was it? Well, I can't remember. Oh, that one, yeah, I remember what it was. Ah, good. And you still might have something to say. And then you start all over again. Your job is to get feedback, and if you get feedback, and you're receiving it all the time, then you're a good person to give feedback. You're already a good person to give feedback, even if you're not receiving any feedback. Even if you don't know you're receiving feedback, you're giving people feedback already. It's happening all the time. But something specific that you want to tell somebody, verbally,

[76:51]

that's, you know, very questionable whether you should do that. But sometimes it's very helpful. But it should be, you know, what do you call it, a dance that the other person wants to do. Meantime, you've got a tremendous amount to work with. If you walk up to somebody and they have this look in their face like, you know, I'd love to get some feedback from you, please give me some feedback. Then that's a person you might feel a request from. And you might say, I get this feeling like you want some feedback from me. Is that right? And they say, please. You say, well, on what do you want me to give you feedback on? Well, you know, how I'm standing here. Really? Oh, well, I think you're doing great. I wanted feedback from Suzuki Roshi. So he gave it to me sometimes. And when he gave it to me, it wasn't necessarily positive or negative.

[77:55]

I just always felt like I wanted him to give me feedback. Whatever he gave me, I always felt was kind. But that's because I wanted it. The nature of my practice was with that person, I wanted feedback. And he saw that and gave it to me. Sometimes people come to me and officially speaking, they say, you know, please give me feedback. They know they're supposed to say that. They think they're supposed to say that, I mean. But I don't feel like they mean it. And they kind of like say, you know, please give me feedback. And I say, okay, okay, I won't. Other people can come in and say, you know, you know, don't give me feedback. And I say, okay, okay, I will. It's in the heart, you know, if the person's open. They want to use the relationship to know themselves. If a person's close to you, again, that tells you about your practice

[78:59]

and tells you about how to respond to them. But first of all, you've got to be present with what's happening with you in order to appreciate what you're already doing. You're already giving each other feedback. You're already giving people feedback. They're already giving you feedback. If you would just take up residence with this mind like a wall, you will enter into that dance which is already going on. And then once you realize we're already jumping rope together, then we can start tossing balls back and forth too. But if you don't know we're already jumping rope together, if you don't know that's going on and you start tossing balls to people, they're going to trip on the rope that they don't realize they're jumping. Do you understand? Because we're already doing something fairly complicated together and if you introduce something else without realizing that, you won't be able to handle it. But if you know what we're already doing,

[80:04]

then you can throw another element into it and we can do that together. So much is going on already. Let's sit down and see what that is. Sit down and see what's happening. Then once you see what's happening, then say, okay now, now, one, two, three, hello. Does that make any sense to you? Imagine, just imagine what's going on between Bodhidharma and the Emperor. A little guy comes from India, he's told by his teacher, his teacher said, don't go visit the Emperor. When you go to China, stay away from the Emperor, stay away from powerful people and politicians, don't go near there.

[81:05]

So there he is, meeting the Emperor. And the Emperor, who's a big Buddhist patron, asking this visitor, what's the highest meaning of the Holy Truth? What's going on there? Bodhidharma's trying to be present, the Emperor's trying to be present, he does his thing, but they can't really dance in a way that the Emperor understands that they're dancing. Bodhidharma tried, but even though he was a great master, he couldn't get the Emperor to dance. In a way that the Emperor said, hey, this is fun, dancing with Bodhidharma. No, he couldn't get it. He thought, what was that about? Then later he heard, you know, that Bodhidharma was Avalokiteshvara. He said, oh, I missed that one. That would have been great to dance with Bodhisattva, infinite compassion, manifested right here in my face as this scruffy little guy. I missed it, too bad. Did Bodhidharma give the Emperor feedback and say, too bad you missed, sir? No, he just said, I don't know, and left.

[82:05]

But he went up there and he gave the Emperor feedback by sitting there, showing the Emperor how the Emperor could meet him. If the Emperor would sit like that, then he and Bodhidharma could dance. So, since we don't have any pictures of Bodhidharma dancing, I guess you're going to have to be the picture of Bodhidharma dancing. You're going to have to show the world what it's like when Bodhidharma moves and smiles and, you know, says ordinary daily things. So, Bodhidharma needs you to, you know, manifest this radical simplicity in the infinite variety of your daily work and play together. Every encounter, Bodhidharma and the Emperor. You know, so it's hard to face

[83:09]

Bodhidharma, it's hard to face the Emperor, if you think you have an alternative, which we do. That's why it's hard. You know, this is really funny, because, you know, meeting the Emperor, you can't necessarily just, you know, chuckle at ease. It's kind of funny, you know, but you have to kind of like be careful and sort of be a little bit careful. You know, you can't just like, you might get in trouble. You can do it, but there might be consequences. It's not like this is just, you know, totally safe situation. So, see how he played with Bodhidharma, like he didn't like totally like lie, he told the truth, and yet he also was watching the rules of decorum. See?

[84:11]

It's not like just do whatever you want. It's not like indulgence in whim. It's finding your true expression in the situation. So, it's tough. It doesn't always work. See, it didn't work in this story. There are misses. That's part of the thing, which we will see. We will, we will now miss quite a bit, you know. But, we can still be in the game, even though we're missing a game of, of meeting in this kind of Bodhidharma meeting Bodhidharma through our lives. May our attention

[85:18]

equally penetrate every being and place with

[85:27]

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