So we've talked about the various points of truth and just to reveal again that it's often said that the pivotal condition for the origin of suffering is craving. Another way to put this is that the origin of suffering is delusion and karma. And someone told me recently that something happened and he became rather upset and he knew the reason he was upset was because he wanted things to be different and he thought

[01:03]

he could do something about it. So there's one, thinking that things can be different, that's delusion, and thinking you can do something about it, that's karma. Just thinking that you want things to be different wouldn't be pretty bad, but if you didn't think you could do anything about it, you didn't think you could do anything about the fact that you wanted things to be different, then that would be a slight improvement or something, maybe that wouldn't be so bad, you'd still suffer though, but you might stop suffering because you might say, well here I am wanting things to be different but I don't think I can do anything about it so I guess I'll just live my life and suffer with that I want things to be different, but it would be simpler because your basic

[02:04]

problem would be that you want things to be different, you wouldn't be then busy doing something to make them different and it would be easier for you to notice that the problem was that you wanted things to be different. And if you kept noticing that you wanted things to be different and that that was the problem, or if you kept noticing that you wanted things to be different, you might notice that that was the problem and if you kept noticing those two things, you might notice you might be willing to drop this wanting things to be different. But if you're doing things to try to make things improve, that takes a lot of your energy away from noticing your delusion. Plus, then when you do these things, these things then become these actions and lead to results and then these results are more conditions for you wishing that things were different. So it isn't just that we want to wish things different but we've made things considerably

[03:16]

worse so then it's even harder not to wish that they were different. So then we do wish they were different and because we did things in the past to try to make them be the way we wanted them to, we tend to do it again, which then makes them more difficult. And so this is the cycle of suffering. That's another way to talk about this situation. I'd like to do some presentation first before opening it up. The other thing I wanted to mention, I just had this image of, you know, and when I say five skandhas, you know, you can just translate that if you want to, if you don't like the word five skandhas or five aggregates, you can just translate it to body-mind, if you like that way of talking about it, or you know, psychological experience, if that's an easier

[04:19]

way to look at it. The reason for speaking in terms of five aggregates, one of the main reasons for talking about that way, talking about your experience that way, is that if people think that there's something in addition to the five aggregates, then if you ask them what it is, that analysis is very handy to show them that whatever they're saying is outside the five aggregates is actually accounted for by the five aggregates, because you've already got five little specific types of magnets which pull in any type of experience, they're all accounted for there, nobody's come up with anything. If you just say body and mind, it may be harder for people to see that what they imagine is

[05:24]

outside body and mind, namely self, that it's already accounted for by body and mind. Body and mind for a lot of people is too general for people to say, well, whatever you just said, that was mind, and they might argue with you, but then you say, well, what is it? Then they tell you, and because you have the five aggregates thing for it, you can say, well, that's mind too, and matter of fact, it's this kind of mind, it's this aspect of mind. So it's very helpful to then bring whatever person has put outside the realm of experience back into the realm of experience and not have this duality. So we have these five aggregates, you know, or body and mind, which account for any experience, and I was talking about how illumination or understanding is not the same as understanding

[06:29]

something outside the five aggregates. So in other words, the five aggregates don't get into the illumination, not one of the five aggregates, not all of the five aggregates get into the illumination, but the illumination can get into the five aggregates. What the illumination is, basically, is that these five aggregates always come up together and depend on each other, therefore they have no independent existence, that's the illumination, that's the understanding of that relationship. And also, that the five aggregates can come up in such a way that there's an idea of a self, and they can come up in such a way that there's an idea of a self that's outside of them, and that there's an idea of self that's separate from other people. But that idea of self, which is separate from other people, is just part of this experience,

[07:33]

it's not actually a self which is separate from other people, it is just an idea or an illusion that's created by the arising of these five psychophysical things. When you see that they're interrelated, and also that the self is interrelated with them, that the self arises with them, and they arrive with the self, it isn't like the self comes up by itself, it comes up with these psychological phenomena. And when they come up, the idea of self can come up too, sometimes, not always, but almost always. The interdependence of self and these five, and I don't write self on the board here, because a self actually is not anything other than one of these five, but none of the five can be … if you say it's one of these five, of course nobody thinks that's a self, but also you can't have one of these five anyway, because they're all interdependent. So they're independent, the self is interdependent with them, and none of them exists by themselves, and the self doesn't exist by itself. And that, things being that way, is illumination.

[08:39]

It's not illumination about that, that dynamic interdependence and cooperation among all the aspects of an experience, that is light, that is understanding. And that understanding, which is the interdependence of them, of course totally pervades them, because it is their true nature of their interdependence. Their interdependence pervades them, that's the same as understanding. Their radiant harmony penetrates them, that's the same as understanding. So the illumination completely pervades the whole process and pervades the experience, but no part of the experience can get into the illumination because the illumination cannot be separated from the experience, they're the same thing. For a human being to appreciate this means for a human being to appreciate what a human being is, which is that we have these experiences, they have this quality, that we have feelings,

[09:51]

consciousness, thinking, many kinds of emotions, and the emotions work with each other in certain ways and everything comes up together and goes away together and none of it can exist separately, that's what a human being is. And also we can dream up a self, that's also part of what a human being is, and we do it with this equipment, that's also how we do it. That's what a human being is, when that's understood and when that's the way things are for you as a person, then for you the way things are is illumination, then you're illuminated too, but you don't get into the illumination because that's what you understand is that you can't. And then when a person is this way, then this person or this living being realizing this radiance is what they are, then they become a resonant surface for all other beings, which

[10:55]

they're also resonating with in an interdependent way, and then they serve this function in the universe of resonating this light. And so it comes off, this light doesn't come off, the light of the relationship between this being and other beings, that light then is transmitted. This surface here is a very important surface for the transmission of the light, the transmission of the radiance of harmonious interdependence. This little field, this little microcosmic example of the way the whole universe works is very important, particularly for this planet. All surfaces, all locations on the planet equally demonstrate this phenomenon, but for some

[12:01]

reason or other, which we can get into I guess, but I'll just say for shorthand, for some reasons this human surface is very important for the circulation of this light, for the transmission of this light on the planet. And it may be, for short, the reason for it is that we're the only ones that can block So maybe the reason why we're so important for the transmission is we're the only ones who can imagine it being blocked, and that's our suffering, fortunately. So the practice is how to unblock this interdependence that we are a microcosmic example of. In our own individual life.

[13:05]

I wanted today to talk about something which I just want to say that I don't mean to say this to scare you, as a matter of fact, I mean to say it kind of to assure you, but I usually, when I'm at Tassajar and I'm about to leave Tassajar, I usually don't, I try not to bring up something which would bring up much, because then I'm going to leave, but I think it would be all right to bring this up, even though it's kind of a big deal. Okay, so I'm going to bring up something that might upset you, but I feel that you can probably take care of it, even though it's going to maybe potentially start stirring things up a little bit. And what it is, it's about, well, it's about craving, it's about the outflows, and it's about the characteristics of suffering.

[14:14]

So there's a funny way of talking about suffering, they say it's characterized by impermanence suffering, what did I say was characterized? Suffering is characterized by impermanence, suffering, emptiness, and not-self. But actually, in a way it seems more accurate to say that it's characterized by denying impermanence, denying suffering, denying emptiness, and denying not-self. But for some reason or other, which maybe you can think about this and help me understand, what would be the reason for the Buddhist ancestors to have characterized ... by the way, this characterization is non-canonical, just for your information, the characterization of suffering, the truth of suffering, a non-canonical characterization of it, the Buddha didn't

[15:18]

do this, this is later, scholars did this apparently. You find it in the Abhidharma, Kosha, you don't find this in the Southern school. In the Northern school of Abhidharma they characterize the truth of suffering by these four characteristics – impermanence, suffering, not-self, and emptiness. But still, I think it's a nice characterization if somehow the Indian mind sometimes does things in a really different way from what we do. So what they do is they're saying, these are the characteristics of suffering, but really it's the ignorance or the turning away from these things which seem more apropos of suffering. Anyway, these are the topics, impermanence, suffering, not-self, and emptiness. Or permanence, pleasure, self, and substance. So maybe the reason why they do this is they call those four, they call those the coverings

[16:28]

or oppositions of the truth of suffering. Those are the four oppositions to the truth of suffering. So maybe the truth of suffering is characterized by these. But these aren't characteristics of suffering, these are characteristics of the truth of suffering. So then these characteristics of the truth of suffering are covered by permanence, pleasure, self, and substantial inherent existence. Okay. So the potentially upsetting thing that I wanted to bring up today, and then we can discuss it, is that we need to actually, you know, well you could say, drop those coverings. Now mostly I've been emphasizing the last few classes, dropping the covering of self.

[17:32]

Okay, dropping the covering of self means noticing that you can't really find the self separate from the five aggregates. And I've been talking with you and you've been participating beautifully to keep showing how we keep trying to set something up which is outside our experience. We do have this thing of the universe plus something. Something outside the universe. The universe is, in terms of our experience, the universe, our experience, the universe plus the self. That's the way we feel. So we've been doing that. And that kind of meditation, I think, is part of what will illuminate the silliness of this thing of us being in addition to everything. But today I'd like to bring up a meditation or a discussion of letting go of the covering

[18:35]

of pleasure and permanence that we cover the truth with. When something's happening, the Four Noble Truths are sitting right in front of us. The first truth is impermanence and suffering, and we cover impermanence with permanence and we cover suffering with pleasure. So this is an outflow. This is a characteristic of denying the First Truth and it's also maintained by craving and delusion. So, I guess I'm coming up to talk to you about what it would mean to actually drop the covering of permanence off things and drop the covering of pleasure off things. Give up grasping for pleasure, give up grasping for permanence, what would that be like?

[19:41]

And, to make a long story short, as you might guess, what I would say it would be like is like being upright. That the way you abandon grasping for permanence and the way you abandon grasping for pleasure and the way you abandon avoiding displeasure and the way you abandon clinging to certain people and running away from other people, the way you abandon that is by being upright. So you meet somebody, some really attractive person or attractive something, food or landscape or book or jewel, and the way you abandon clinging to it, which, and the clinging comes from the delusion of covering this thing with, covering the truth of suffering with pleasure.

[20:44]

You're actually sitting there, you're enlightened being is sitting there looking at suffering and the other three truths, it's in there, suffering, origin of suffering, cessation of suffering, path to suffering, it's in there. The reality is like vibrating in front of you. So you cover that with, put a big pleasure thing over the suffering. We can do that like that, you know, do you understand? Suffering, the truth, the liberating truth is always right in front of us, it doesn't go away, it's right there. We cover the truth of suffering with the imagination that this is pleasurable and then we crave it, and then we suffer, and then we cover that with, again, we don't cover the suffering but we keep covering some object in the environment to grasp, which is actually characterized by suffering because we crave, and so we do that.

[21:46]

If you're upright, even if you still, some part of you still sort of does this, your upright posture says, I abandon this habit of grasping for the pleasurable. When we bring this up, part of what upsets people is when we bring this up people think that you should start getting, rejecting things, but that would just be the opposite, that would just be the opposite. And so anyway, it brings up all kinds of problems and maybe that's enough for starters, I don't have to tell you all the problems, you probably can bring them up now. All the problems are involved in renouncing grasping for the pleasurable, going towards and trying to get the pleasurable and avoiding the displeasure, and also grasping and trying to make certain things, grasping for the permanence of things, covering the permanence of things. The other two are there too, but I've been talking about those quite a bit and we can

[22:49]

talk about them more, but today I'd like to emphasize these, because they seem in some ways, you don't have to talk about five skandhas so much for these, they're intellectually less challenging in terms of conceptualizations. You know about this stuff. What's challenging is to find out what does upright mean in the face of these things. So now if you have questions? Yeah. The idea of a self is not quite the same as the idea of substance. There's the idea of the self of a person that we have, that's not the same as the inherent existence of, for example, each of the five aggregates. So, we must become free of imagining that there's an actual self or a person or an I,

[23:50]

and also that any phenomena has substance, so that's the difference. In early Buddhism, in canonical Buddhism, it was taught, you know, impermanence, impermanence suffering and not-self, they didn't have the emptiness thing. The Buddha actually taught those three marks of existence. And in terms of developing the path, your practice really starts building up some kind of compression when you can start seeing those three characteristics come up with phenomena. So, like in the Abhidharmakosha, when they line up the path, there's five paths, and the second path is initiated when you start to see the three marks, these three characteristics come up with phenomena. So with pleasure, with painful experiences, you see all three marks, but it's easier

[25:04]

in a painful situation to see suffering, then you see the suffering of suffering very easily. But in a pleasurable situation, you can also see the three marks because you see the suffering of change, in other words, the suffering of anxiety that this pleasurable thing might go away. And for neutral situations, you see the suffering of conditionality. And so, you can see no matter what's happening, after a while you can see all three marks come up with every experience. You see a blue sky, you see a woman's face, you see a man's face, you see a sutra, you see a bell, you hear a blue jay, you hear a mockingbird, you hear a beautiful voice, whatever you hear, you hear three marks. So those are canonical, but this presentation adds emptiness to it, because in some sense

[26:07]

that's the deepest, most subtle aspect of our overlaying of reality. So we overlay reality with a person, but we also overlay the elements which we use to cook up the person, we overlay each one of them with an independent existence or a substance. So we have to take away that covering too, in order to re-antidote suffering. Was there anything else at this point? Just because you said it was the suffering of conditionality. Well, although it's kind of like going back in a circle, the first one is conditionality is that there's change, that there's change at all, not just to mention change of the

[27:09]

wholesome, of the attractive, that that changes and goes away, but there's something agitating about change, even in a neutral situation, it's uneasy. Somehow it's not coming in today, though. I was just reading that, I think it's the nature of human existence, basically, suffering of conditionality, that we're born at the age that we die, that we get sick, you know, it's kind of just being alive. It's more subtle. Yeah, it's neutral, it's a neutral sensation. Maybe more of that will come out, it's not like my brain isn't popping up with some kind of gripping example of that. Yes, if you're thinking of... The only thing that came to mind for me was, what Rebecca said, it was sort of like maybe there's nothing to rest on.

[28:10]

Yeah, yeah, right. There's nothing to rest on, and that's kind of restlessness. It's basic restlessness. Yes. Also, it's an aspect of essencelessness. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Well, if I were to work with this, like this morning when the pumpkin pudding came by, or I knew it was going to come by, I got pretty excited. And so I took quite a bit to start with, knowing that I liked it, and so it's sort of a pleasure pleasure principle. I also know it's impermanent, because as I take it in, it's also going to be leaving me, so it's not a pleasure. So how, do I just notice this, notice that I have a desiring pleasure, in terms of renouncing

[29:18]

it, I don't have to not take a second bowl if I want it, but I can take it in a manner of renunciation. That's right. You can take it in a manner of renunciation. So, the thing comes, the attractive foodstuff comes your way, and you may feel a leaning towards it. Again, as I said, when you feel the leaning towards it, that's a leaning, that's a bias, that's a preference, then you need to construct uprightness in that leaning, which is again kind of, that's a confession and a repentance of that leaning. The uprightness right in the middle of the leaning is the practice. It doesn't mean you don't lean, it's the practice, and from this practice you might or might

[30:22]

not get seconds. And this uprightness, in the uprightness you confess that you're leaning, you notice the leaning and you confess it by saying, there's a leaning, that's upright. And also, to stay upright and face the leaning purifies you of the leaning, and that then becomes the basis of an action which won't be a leaning, and then to see if you want more to eat. I go by whether I salivate. I watch to see if I salivate. That's pretty good. My salivation is pretty good. It's not so much, what do you call it, it's not so biased as other things. You can check that. It's a little difficult if you're still chewing though. So in order to use that, you have to kind of have finished and not eating anything,

[31:24]

and sort of, so you're tuned into a basic level of salivation now, right? Your salivation is going on. But when something comes, if something comes and you salivate, your body probably wants it. It's not so much that you have a bias or a prejudice towards it, it's not necessarily a leaning. And I often let myself have that then. Both bowls? What? I'm not sure if it's both bowls. Both bowls? Yeah. The first, no, the first bowl I just accept whether I salivate or not. I take what I think is probably enough to eat. I mean... You mean on seconds? This is about seconds, right? For first, I take what I think probably is enough, you know, for my body. And I tend to err on the side of not enough. And then for seconds I use salivation to see if my body wants more. And it works really well for me. But I have to not be chewing and I have to be present and watch my mouth to see what

[32:30]

it signals. And that requires some attention. And then in doing that I feel quite upright. I may also notice that there's no salivation, but there's some leaning towards the food. And I may go with this leaning, but then I try to be upright and confess that this is a bias, this is a leaning, this is a craving. No. Yes. So, yes. So, if I rejected it... Rejected what? The second bowl. Let's say it's coming by and I say, oh, I have a heavy leaning and I really want some. I think I will renounce it. So, I don't take it. But not so much you think... See, again, to think that you renounce it isn't really upright. The thing upright is you feel the leaning, you feel the craving. And you say, there's a leaning. Recognizing a leaning and also its actual angle, you know, is it a big leaning, little leaning, whatever it is, a slight leaning? It doesn't matter how much the leaning is, whether it's way down or just a little bit.

[33:32]

The point is you recognize just how much it is. That's upright. You don't say, oh, this is, you know, you don't like make it, you don't have a little leaning and say, oh, geez, I'm so greedy. You know, you don't overestimate it. You just, you clearly see this is a slight leaning. This is a big leaning. This is a leaning due to like some idea of, you know, I need more protein or something. This is an idea of this is really delicious. This is an idea of I need roughage. So, you have all these different things going on and you're watching that. Being upright isn't I need more roughage, I don't need more roughage, you know, I've had too much to eat, I'm on a diet, this is delicious, I need more protein, you know, blah, blah, blah, I'm allergic to this. That's not being upright and that's all, all those things also wouldn't have to be leanings unless you're going towards them. If you're going towards them and you recognize them just for what they are, that's being upright. And that purifies you of them right in the spot. Then from that uprightness, what are you going to do? Wait and see. The uprightness doesn't reject, like say I reject, it just in fact, it seems to reject

[34:39]

in the sense that you don't go for something. Like someone asked me just recently, what about these four right efforts? It says like, for unwholesomeness that has arisen, you drop it or reject it or snuff it out. For unwholesomeness that hasn't arisen, you don't allow it to arise. How can you practice that with no gaining idea? I said, uprightly. So, if an unwholesome dharma has arisen, how do you abandon it? You don't abandon it by slapping it. I wouldn't recommend that. You abandon it by being upright. Like I said, make upright into the bad guy. Being upright will naturally drop everything. You don't have to have a gaining idea to get rid of unwholesome things. Being upright immediately drops them. And being upright doesn't do anything. It just says, there's an unwholesome idea. And then you have a balanced attitude towards it. You're not like negative about it. You're not positive about it. You just say, a spade is a spade.

[35:41]

And I'm just here calling spades spades when they're spades. That's it, all I do. That kind of presence drops these things left and right. It immediately casts them aside just by this balanced awareness. And then, after you cast them aside, you do not then pick up on wholesome things. You don't kill them. They just lose their function. And naturally, good things naturally come up. And if they're already there, they just sit there and resonate with that uprightness. This isn't an action. This is clearly observing the realm of karma and delusion. Susan? Yeah, I was just thinking, I've been thinking about this actually, you know, for the past, or this morning anyway, about this idea of renunciation. And it just feels so radical to me to live in that way. Yeah, it is. And I can see where it's tricky, depending on where someone's at and how to do it gently and to not use renunciation as a way of

[36:45]

depriving oneself or something like that. Because I think, it seems to me an important part of renunciation is learning how to say no to oneself. And for some people, that might feel like deprivation when they're just finally saying yes to themselves, you know? And how to be with that part of me that has these cravings, these wants, and to pacify that part of me to trust that saying no to myself will have positive results. Because initially it doesn't feel that way. The immediate gratification is not there. It feels like this kind of empty place, you know, cold empty place when I do renounce pleasure. And like being able to get through that place to see what comes out the other side, you know? Right. It doesn't feel very good. Well, yeah, when you think about it, it oftentimes won't, you won't have a good, a positive sensation when you think about renunciation. But when renunciation actually happens, it is joyful.

[37:50]

That's one of the characteristics of when it actually is established is you're very happy. Renunciation is right effort. So now, you, let's see, what do we... I thought of a good example just then. There it goes. Anyway. We'll come back. Renunciation is not cold. Well, the example was, I asked people to do this research on the Vimalakirti Sutra and they found it very fast, thank you very much, in several translations. The basic thing is when a bodhisattva generates compassion, great compassion, a bodhisattva should be careful not to generate a loving view, you know, an affectionate view towards the beings for whom she's generating compassion. In other words, you generate compassion in renunciation, you don't start, you don't start like having a preference

[38:52]

and an affection for some beings. If you develop a preference and affection for some beings, then that affection will make you avoid or feel a repulsion towards rebirth or birth, which means you'll feel a repulsion towards birth and death, which means you'll feel a repulsion towards misery. Well, I didn't get the connection between... The basic proposition is when you generate giving rise to compassion, some people slip into having affection for the beings that they feel compassion for, rather than just having compassion, which means compassion means you just are present and upright with the suffering of beings. You don't, like, generate affection for them. If you generate affection for them or any preference for them, then you tend to develop aversions towards

[39:53]

something else. Now, in this case, supposedly, it isn't aversion towards beings because you're trying to develop affection for everybody, right? But the problem of that is that that affection then makes it more difficult for you. The first thing it says is you developed an aversion towards jati, towards birth, towards rebirth, towards being born again. But particularly towards being born again where? Well, wherever. Perhaps hell. So, by leaning into affection for somebody, then when that somebody changes and starts walking towards decrepitude and dying, or even into hell, you maybe try to get away from them. So the bodhisattva then starts abandoning the beings that she's dedicated to because of her affection for them. Because she starts to become repulsed

[40:56]

by the rebirth process, by where we're going, and can't walk through birth and death with them because of this outflow of this affection. Or this sentimental idea of what compassion is. Compassion is not sentimental. Compassion is, from the point of view of affection, compassion is cold. It has no affection for people's suffering. It just is upright with it and you run away from it or after it. If you run after people's suffering, oh good, a suffering being, I'm generating great compassion, this is fine, going towards them and embracing them is fine, but that leaning will make you repulsed by certain other things, like when the person is reborn into another form, or when the person goes into another realm. You may say, oh don't go there. Now, this is like

[41:57]

big time Bodhisattva, you know, Bodhisattvas who are like generating great compassion, on a lower level, you can see that if you prefer one person and go towards that person and you don't like this person and go away from that person, this is going to turn into a problem. Now, originally you wouldn't think so because that makes sense, I like this person, so I go towards this person, that seems alright to me, what's the problem in that? And I don't like this person, I'm going away from that person, I don't see what the problem in that would be. Well, the problem is that this person that you like, the one you're going towards starts to change. So then, you go away from them. Maybe they change again and you go back. Then they change again and you go away. And when you're with them and you're liking them, you say stuff like I love you forever. And then they go, wow, that's great. And then you say, bye.

[42:58]

And then they go, oh, oh, you said you'd love me forever. Did I? Well, you changed. You changed from something that I was attracted to and leaning towards and you saw me leaning towards and I elaborated my leaning and you fell for that, too bad, see you later. That really hurts the very beings you now love and are now attracted to if you lean towards them when they change, not only will you go away from them but that will hurt them when you go away. On the other hand, if the ones you like right now, if you stay upright with them and don't lean into that life, then you won't mislead them into thinking that the relationship you have now with them is sustainable. Or put it this way, you won't set up a relationship that you can't sustain when they change.

[44:01]

And they're going to change. They're not going to stay so cute. And good students don't stay good students. They become bad students. And then, does a teacher abandon the bad student? Because the student is becoming bad and the bad means not good, right? Not following the schedule. Not giving the right answers. Not studying. Does the teacher then abandon the student? No! Not supposed to do that. But if you have finally you've been waiting all these years and finally the great student shows up and then you kind of start leaning towards that student and they feel that and then they start to evolve into like something other than what your dream comes true, then you reject this poor creature which wasn't the best student, just who you thought was the best student and caused your leaning. Then you reject this poor critter who probably could have become a great student but you destroyed them by rejecting them. And the reason why

[45:03]

you rejected them was because you developed that affection. Now this doesn't mention of course the people who you never liked who you hurt right off the bat. Because you were leaning away from them. You come back to them and then they get really confused. That's a mess too. But people don't care about those people. I'm talking about people you love. You're going to hurt them too if you have this affection for them. But if you're upright with them, you protect them from your affection and your inclination. You still may have preference like you can't help but have a preference like this This example I've told you before, you know this, you know, in the early Christian church the monks were living out in the desert of Egypt and they had these little communities out there these pretty ascetic communities and so one of the abbots was accused of having a strong preference for one of the monks. He said, we heard you love this guy. And

[46:03]

he said, well let me show you something. So then he took this kind of like, you know, inquiring board with him a board of inquiry with him he went to some of the cells and he knocked at one door you know and then you hear Yes sir? Oh never mind I got the wrong room. See you later. Then he goes to the other room Watch this The door opens and the guy says, what? Oh would you go to the library and get me such and such a book? And this guy goes Come here, I'll show you something. They go in the room and this guy's copying a manuscript and he's drawing the letter the character for O and he stops halfway through the O and opens the door Did you see why I love him? Of course you love somebody

[47:05]

that's that responsive and that present and that, you know, that obedient. Of course you love them. How could you not? If you were like a teacher of that very thing of course you would love them but the thing is, do you lean into that love and hurt them at the time plus hurt them when they change and abandon them when they change? Well, if you lean, you will that's what you're saying you will abandon beings you will not go through birth and death with beings if you have this affection for the beings that you're dedicated to it really is harmful so that's for regular beings now on the level of universal compassion you have to set yourself up for big scale work you have to start planning if you're a bodhisattva you're starting to plan for how you're going to work with everybody how everybody's going to be somebody that will also be my enlightenment because that's what buddhas do

[48:07]

they work and work and work and work until everybody wakes up and no exceptions no human exceptions no non-human exceptions no geological exceptions the entire universe you're dedicated to the welfare of to bring it to its highest level of radiant realization of reality and liberation and happiness so the slightest leaning must be dropped but then you think won't life lose its pizazz you know, won't that be cold you will be letting go of certain things, it's true you will be letting go of certain dramatic things, you can still take the tango lessons but you do the tango uprightly which is the way it's supposed to be done anyway laughter laughter okay so we have an enthusiastic thumb back there

[49:07]

does it still want us to talk oh no I was just reading the four measurables um, equanimity joy confession and love confession? yes, confession laughter I think if equanimity joy, sympathetic joy right, joy in other people's spiritual qualities equanimity compassion and love yeah compassion loving, it's loving kindness loving kindness is like being very, hoping for the welfare huh you can call that love love is love in the form of hoping the best for a particular person and hoping for the best for all people you know in a gentle loving non-violent

[50:07]

hoping for their welfare okay between compassion compassion is embracing their suffering embracing their suffering is different than hoping, it's a different dimension of our being than hoping for their welfare compassion, again compassion is upright so is hoping for their welfare compassion is upright, it doesn't hope for anything else, it's not a hope compassion is you know, a person says oh I'm suffering, you say, oh you're suffering that's it compassion is, listens to what's happening, takes it in and that's it loving kindness is actually generating positive energy, like I hope you feel better, you know, compassion is oh you're suffering, loving kindness is may you be well may you be happy, may you be free oh I love you to be happy but not leaning into it

[51:09]

like I love you to be happy Mip and I love you to be happy more than Butch I mean he's okay but you're really special no, that's too much it's just like I want you to be happy that's it, I'm like totally cold, right I'm like this cold fish I want you to be happy, bye bye I gotta go now to next person like you know Mother Teresa I saw this picture and she's like, all these little nuns coming to see her and she goes good morning good morning you can't put too much into those you'll get pretty pooped out if you're like, or you know good morning good morning if you're really like dealing with a lot of people, you can't you gotta like just sincerely wish them the best and go on to the next person you don't have time for that see you later

[52:09]

you're special you're the one you don't have time for that if you're a bodhisattva because you've got a big scale project here you're gonna get pooped out and have to take a long vacation if you're leaking into some people but you can totally love them and give your total full presence to meeting them in a loving best wish way that's loving kindness that's great love that's great maitri and you do the same thing with your own body when you're sitting in a zendo you hope the best for your body you hope your body will be relaxed at ease, free of pain you hope that for yourself that's nice and you take care of yourself in this loving way you respect your body and also you're compassionate for your suffering those four immeasurables are particularly also for antidotes to anger so you also appreciate compassion also that you notice

[53:12]

not only that people are suffering but you notice the condition for their suffering and you notice that they're not acting in this obnoxious way because they want to be obnoxious they act that way because they're driven by delusion and karma that's why they're suffering and that's why they're acting that's why they're presenting themselves in this difficult to accept way so that's compassion sympathetic joy even in people that you're having trouble with or even people who you see some problem with you also look and you can see actually they're wonderful too they do these various many good things and equanimity too so these are actually antidotes to this aversion thing but they're also when they get really big they go beyond just overcoming aversion and I think their uprightness they're being balanced they're equanimous you're balanced you don't prefer the nice people

[54:14]

more than the not nice people and you know which is which your mind can discriminate but these people actually go around they have these pain on their forehead I'm a bad dude and if you say oh no you're a good boy they say oh yeah? well how about this? and you say oh no you really are good well how about this? and you maybe if you're some people are just like well go down telling these bad boys that they're not bad boys they'll go down saying that that boy will bring them down but if you're upright the bad boy comes and the bad boy says I'm a bad boy and you say oh you're a bad boy that's it you don't lean into like oh no you're not a bad boy or yeah you really are a bad boy one time I was talking to a bad girl and she said I do this bad thing and I do this bad thing and I said oh no you don't but I do this bad thing and I do this bad thing and finally I said wow you really are bad and she said yeah

[55:14]

she was trying to get me to recognize her it really surprised me oh yeah that's what she wanted oh yeah that is bad she wanted a little you know mirroring of her accomplishment at first I was seeing I mean she really is what she really is and was a very sweet girl but she was also a bad cat I mean she was a naughty girl she did a lot of drugs she did a lot of bad things to people but still I was like seeing this cute little you know 23 year old Zen student like a little cherub in my eyes but she was telling me all these terrible things that's what I saw but then finally I said oh yeah you are bad then everything settled down and we could talk that's you know I was leaning I was arguing with her rather than finally oh yeah that is I see what you mean yes sorry to go right back

[56:17]

to the very beginning but that example you gave at the very beginning about wanting things to be different constitutes delusion and you have to do it there is karma and that creates more suffering can I get that right what would be the right action if you saw something that had to be changed I mean like a Rosa Parks let's not start with something has to be changed let's just say you see something ok and I would say the happy story I would say is that you see anything whatever it is you see and in uprightness you act now someone else might be watching and saying oh look she acted to change that situation and that was a very bad situation and she acted to she created benefit but I am saying that the action which creates benefit doesn't come from preferring that the situation be different it comes from

[57:17]

it comes from letting from the reality of the situation including that you might be leaning towards trying to improve the situation you might be leaning towards it but that leaning towards it isn't the basis of the action which benefits the leaning towards it if you acted from the leaning towards you would insult the situation the situation of if it's a person or some other situation the situation would feel disrespected and that would backfire you could also you could be leaning the other way this is a good situation and then come from it was a good situation that will also insult the situation like me saying to the girl no you are a good girl she was insulted the right action comes from renouncing all these biases and you spontaneously act and that will be beneficial and that can come from a situation where you don't have any biases or it can become a situation where you do have a bias but you stay upright in the middle of your bias and you act

[58:20]

beyond your bias like for example I often use the example maybe I shouldn't use it again but I had a bias for how to resurface the walls of the Kaisando several years ago I had a bias towards it and as long as I was just biased I couldn't act everything I did, actually I did act a little bit from that biased position and actually at first I wasn't that biased I was a tiny bit biased then people talked to me and I watched myself get more and more biased and one time from that quite biased position which had tremendous charge on it tremendous preference tremendous sense that this is actually the best way to do it I talked to somebody and it was like when you have a static electricity and you talk to somebody I talked to somebody about my preference and the person said OKAY FINE YES SIR and I realized of course I was going to get my way but I realized that there would be a backlash

[59:22]

so I said you know no no forget it because that's not real compliance it's a real agreement from people that's like they're just shocked from the bias then I came back up finally from that bias and just was upright and then just let the whole thing drop and then I didn't have to do anything and they did it just the way I wanted and as you see the Kaisando looks nice and I didn't do anything I got what I wanted and I still had the same preference it doesn't work that way you did some things before you didn't do anything though you did some things first and then you stopped I did express my opinion but I didn't do anything more than that one time and then I withdrew from the situation and other people figured it out and they went back and forth and back and forth but I had to absent myself get myself out of the situation because I was interfering with the process

[60:23]

because I had this strong leaning so if you see some situation of violence I would say non-violence is to oppose the violence non-violently you can oppose things without violence you can be very strong and stand your ground and be upright and also be flexible uprightness also means you respect all situations even situations that aren't wholesome you still respect them for what they are and then you can come and then you can respect and renunciation respect and renunciation are partners because you don't really respect things if you have a bias now people may feel respected if you have a bias towards them if the bias is a positive bias they may feel respect but actually I think many people will sense

[61:23]

that you respect them more when you're upright with them than when you have a preference for them and there are Zen stories where teachers had preferences for students and students said get that preference off me just meet me face to face that's real respect and that's uprightness to let things be as they are and study them as they are be interested in them as they are and then from that respect right action emerges right action emerges from renunciation it doesn't mean you don't have any preferences it doesn't mean you don't prefer non-violence it means you renounce your non-violence and then you realize your non-violence by that renunciation renunciation is non-violent these biases are violence little tiny violence or big violence

[62:24]

you're leaning towards this being and away from that being but there is this loss there is this loss of clean in this process you lose your attachments you do lose your attachments you don't lose the things you're attached to you lose your attachments and attachments attachments are the source of tremendous gain and loss attachments are the source of great pain and pleasure if you ever succeed in getting them the elaborated intense pleasure from getting something you're strongly desiring that you might lose that but also that goes with tremendous misery so what do you want? peace great warmth and joy and love and attachment and freedom

[63:25]

or great success once in a while and tremendous defeat others and then mostly fighting in between those it's kind of a choice who was it that hadn't raised their hand before Liz David David David's doing the big raise yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah [...] that's a good example yeah yeah

[64:26]

yeah yeah yeah that's a very good example that is probably best for your practice probably best for your practice to have a hot water bottle in your bed so you can sleep better so that you sleep well so you can get up in the morning because that's what you came here for right you didn't come here to like be up all night and then not be able to follow the regular schedule be up all night but on the other hand there are some communities where they don't use a hot water bottle they stay up all night and they don't follow schedule that could be our way but it's not so I would say since we're committed to the schedule do the things which promote you to be able to do the schedule which means take care of your body in such a way you can sleep in your case right but it's the rushing to the place that's not necessary and that's disrespecting that's disrespecting the very situation which gave you the information by which you decided to get the hot water bottle this is information which you're respecting you said this is good information

[65:26]

I'm too cold to sleep if I don't use this so why don't you just you can't use the hot water bottles before you get there maybe you can actually you might find out hey I can start using them before I even get in bed I'll hold them to my chest for a while I think that's the important thing is the rushing, that leaning forward but again if you find yourself leaning towards and rushing to the warmth then you become upright in that rushing and then your practice reestablishes itself right in the rushing there's always something going on that you practice uprightness in you can be rushing, hurrying, whatever but as soon as you do you're not rushing anymore you stopped and you're present you slowed down and you're here and you're back to here is the way the way unfolds from here even if I'm going towards the bed with my hot water bottles in my little mitts here with my gloves on

[66:28]

and my beanie I'm present this is Buddha going to bed with this stuff and then you feel respect for your life at that moment and you're free too, in that moment you're free but even though you maybe get what you want in a few seconds, you're not free and probably sleep better if you went to bed without that rush and so we just have a few more minutes here Susan? I feel an anxiety about you using the word cold being in an upright position and then you just used the word warmth a few minutes ago to describe the same thing it's hard enough to put a wetting pillow hot without thinking that at least there's a warm in the middle so it just makes me very anxious uprightness being so cold no, uprightness

[67:29]

if I may mention, I said uprightness viewed from the point of view of renunciation and uprightness viewed from the point of view of affection looks cold it's not actually cold it's just cool real cool it's bodhidharma cool it's bodhidharma cool which the emperor couldn't recognize he was cool what's the highest meaning of the holy truth? no holy, no highest this is cool this is like infinite compassion meeting the emperor it's warm, it's loving and it's cool it wasn't a flowery answer so, anyway this is the warmth of the heart of compassion and looked at from certain points of view, it looks cold it looks cold when somebody comes up to you and goes bippity boppity boo, here I am presenting you with the most gorgeous thing in the world what are you going to do about it? and you say, you don't say

[68:32]

I'm not going to do anything with you I don't like you, you don't say that you don't say, you got me you just say, well what do you want to do? what should we do now? and you're really like unbiased or if you see you're leaning right in the middle of leaning, you just sort of sit there coolly and say, oh I am leaning this is a big leaning that's kind of cool compared to the leaning but it's warm from the point of view of caring about taking good care of this person it's very warm to this person it's very kind to this person because you know da [...] you know when you're upright that you will never abandon this person, even if they get old and ugly because you know that you can be upright through anything you can be upright through people's beauty and through people's ugliness through people's old age, sickness and death, through their birth through their beautiful childhood you can be upright you know that

[69:35]

that you can do forever and because you can, you can be upright through birth and death it's possible beyond no condition can stop it because being upright is simply the way things are so you can always rely on reality when you're balanced like that including any kind of leaning you just confess it and be upright and it's repentant face the facts be upright and they drop by the power of this kind of upright confession the root of transgression melts away so you can it's a very very effective very effective function of reality when we're upright we become a facility of reality and reality is

[70:37]

that everything's working together everything's working together and if we can tune into that and come from that place we can benefit situations we can show how things are in harmony rather than in violence but we have to somehow stay upright in the middle of all this turmoil which is hard you know like some of you have come out of Sesshin and you had a very nice Sesshin but when you hit the turmoil of daily life you had trouble adjusting many people have told me that and that's normal you get kind of situated and you get a feeling for uprightness under the conditions of Sesshin and then other conditions change so your uprightness gets challenged and you start leaning all over the place and it feels bad you lose that presence it's hard to make the transition and again you feel like if you continue to practice like you are during Sesshin many people think you're cold because you aren't going like the day off dinner was hard for a lot of people

[71:38]

because they couldn't they felt like there was idle chatter and they didn't know how to participate with it they didn't want to lean into it but they felt stiff not leaning into it they felt like people are asking me to lean into this but I don't want to lean into it but then I'm not very nice if I don't this is part of learning the art of being upright is meeting the situations where people are saying, literally saying come on lean you know maybe they think you're rigid so they say come on lean even Suzuki Roshi might say come on lean right if you felt you were stiff holding to your uprightness that you found under some situation so you might say come on lean, if you don't you say lean but that leaning might not come from his leaning he might just be coming from uprightness you don't know so I hope this isn't too upsetting for you to consider like letting go of all these preferences

[72:41]

again not denying them not banishing them just let them drop abandon them, just renounce them and find the warm bright heart of the bodhisattva in the middle of all that the heart that will walk through birth and death of all beings again again let's do that same old zazen thing now leave the room quietly serenely uprightly you go, do what you need to do and then you gradually migrate to the big room on the hill

[73:42]

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