but if anyone would like to write something, or is writing something, about what they think is going on, this kind of news radio to us about, something real that you might have noticed, or things going on, I'd like to see what you have to say in writing. Verbally, of course, I've been hearing things too, but if anybody had the feeling to do that, then I didn't even see what you have to say. Is it just your own ? Well, at first it would be from my personal information, unless you wanted it to be otherwise, but depending on what you say, I might, I might, uh, sign my name to it and publish it. I'll give you those. Well, who do we give this to?

[01:03]

We give it to you if you want to. If I give it to somebody else, that's okay, too. But actually, the idea crossed my mind of telling the rest of Jen Singer about what's happening. But it depends on how it looks. It might not work. They've already heard something's happening, and they've got various stories ready to be done. They describe it as anarchy. So I don't know. It isn't necessary, but I thought maybe that might be interesting, depending on what comes to me. I told Mio to tell Jordan that I'm staying in a motel room in my array. So tonight's class could be called Study the Self Part Three.

[02:11]

This is the fifth glass. And what I thought about bringing up again, or going a little bit more in detail into, is on one side to go into I guess what delusion is a little bit more, which is very closely related to what we mean by, it's closely related to but quite different from what we mean by renouncing the world. And to present to you the idea, again, that zazen is to drop body and mind, and that to drop body and mind is related to kind of the same thing as to drop delusion.

[03:21]

But dropping delusion does not mean dropping delusion according to my idea of what dropping delusion is, nor is it my idea of delusion. So dropping body-mind is something like not only getting over my idea of what delusion is, but also getting over my idea and being free of my idea of what it would mean to drop delusion. Yes. I would like to move on, if that's okay, and not have this be a meeting where we make that decision. Yes. I would imagine that some people will talk about it and announce it.

[04:29]

So some people like it? Yeah. And if it doesn't work, we'll probably announce and let it be known. Do you want to have a general meeting to discuss what we do on this case? I was just interested to hear. You know what? I was thinking that. We might want to open a practice community to community participation. And not necessarily that, I mean, very similar to what the board did here. So rather than having it happen kind of behind closed doors, that it's a, if anyone would like to attend, they're welcome to. And kind of observe the proceedings. Well, the people wanted us to discuss these kinds of things tonight.

[05:32]

What do you want to do? I don't even need to discuss it right now. But just things were brought up, and so often it's the case, as soon as I consider what you've done. And I just wanted to, I don't know, not just have that happen, but really just figure it out and go think about it. Maybe some other point that are working, say, we could kind of check in with each other, what we thought of it. Yeah. I think that's a great idea, too, just that some things were initiated and sort of were going along with what I feel is kind of the status quo. Just I'm happy to hear that, okay, the fact is it wasn't clearly how that's going to happen.

[06:34]

And then also this other idea that we might want to consider who was putting up with the board in that book that they were going to sound. Maybe if I just came in here, I'd look like, yeah, as well. I just sort of engaged in this vital conversation about the last practice break. I said, do you want to accept that now? Yeah. I mean, it's been on my mind that I thought I'd break it up, but I don't really have any desire to sort of throw over the class to that. It's just that it was unfinished business, and it felt like the class was starting to stir it all over. Yeah. Right there. You were talking about it, right? trusting that we're seeing the right thing to think. Maybe we got a clock schedule.

[07:55]

I wish that happens. I'd like to agree with that and suggest that we have the class time. You can say bye. No. Chris, can I ask you, um, if you started on a different topic now, do you still feel like, like, things could get a little bit better? I feel like there's some unfinished business here.

[09:10]

See how it went down there? No. I don't know if I want to talk about it, actually. It's a great time. Correct. I just think that's all I want to talk about. I think, unfortunately, that there are people with different identities wanting to be in a specific area.

[10:33]

I don't know. And that's the way the world already works. And, well, you know, we've already been going there. I think about, I don't know, but I do think about that. Not a lot of pleasure making a living. You will have to see what I can offer to you. I hope you enjoy it. I hope you have a wonderful day. We'd like to thank my children and friends for their hard work. video with this kind of fault and why they probably wanted to do this things after the week.

[11:38]

I think they were anxious to call me up because they didn't know. Well, here we go. Free from the idea of scropping. I think I am rich and need to get a few ways to have when we have a couple of days, so I really don't feel like missing. I don't say I don't say I don't say Yeah, charge, you know. That's a problem that you'd like to do.

[12:42]

I'd say I need to go off to class. Anything else to say? Chris, the thing is that when you started off, it felt like there was some thing, some charge, some personal thing going on. I don't know what it is. But it's that unacknowledged intensity that I feel, and I don't know what it is. Well, it just leaves me feeling uncomfortable and anxious. That's as much as I could describe it as a dead dog, because I don't know what your charge is about, but I sense a charge, and an unacknowledged one. And to just say, oh, let's go on, doesn't quite make it. I don't believe I said, oh, let's just go on. It does go on.

[13:45]

Just what you and he have said, there's also other people who have said quite explicitly that they don't engage in this way right now. So I'd like to start broke first, big time. I think charges are, like Charlie said, charges and pension and any thought. I had vast regions, except we never even get at, right? And regardless of my charge, there is some stuff there that I say it's not explicit. Again, I'd be happy to know that you're being able to charge it, but I don't know about. It also feels like, you know, people turn to that and say, okay, in the class, and we said, well, because that is something I acknowledge, because I don't want to speak of that. So, we did that. I would like to ask maybe Brad or somebody who

[14:49]

can tell us what the practice community does and what are its functions. Because to me, it's down to when you talk about it. I have an idea. We could be the very own group of people and try to talk to people. What can that be? Can that happen? I guess I can say something. You're talking, Victor. You obviously have a lot of charge before second, but if I could, I guess I would have charge of the object book every month. OR TALK A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE CHART THAT I THOUGHT.

[16:15]

IN THE CONTEXT OF BEING TOLD THAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING WHATEVER YOU WANT AND REALLY LOOKING AT WHATEVER YOU WANT AND PRAISING THE QUESTION. to work stand and it works that we allow other people to decide what it not I mean And it brings a personal feeling of how to relate to people.

[17:21]

That's very different. It should be people who are not making decisions for them, but they just bring that with a different perspective. well I mean I was probably so well-blown once that I made a little video. I mean, looking at something that I was putting on and writing about is really in the context of building with other people.

[18:39]

I could never forget that very profoundly. I don't know what this is, but it does occur to me that they probably told the community in charge that sunlight would interrupt the flow of the leader of a situation, and that whatever small or large charge you may have had in bringing up the subject with first place, that one would have sort of shifted from what I offered at the point of due to maybe we don't want to do that for me at any rate.

[19:42]

There's sort of a And I don't know if that's a general sense of that. We're picking up on Chris's chart, but in fact, we're picking up on our own possible chart. We were the one to have said, well, I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. I did so. There was other participation. And then it was dropped without any kind of resolution. And it went on. I felt like I didn't think about Reb's presentation so much as try to follow through on what I felt they could offer.

[20:51]

I do not think that we're . I was using that for Newark in the sense that For me, it's a lot of courage to speak up when the world seems to be telling a particular lie, to speak up and say, William, or whatever. And so that's what I meant, not that you're a bad person, you want to conduct yourself, but more that you picked up and said, I want to finish this. Great. And it was contorted so much that it was a kickstand conversation. I felt like it was important to kind of like, make it accurate, but to refine it a little bit, what I felt that very actually was wrong. But yeah, maybe you can notice that when I first started speaking, I wanted to be prepared.

[21:53]

It was before I got up to be attended up to the practice of being wrong. I thought for me that was, you know, okay because that everybody see to my knowledge. with paper that marked this particular problem. We didn't use that in a way that we could see each other and understand each other. So then afterwards, again, one looked at it and took it to Christ, because we were not of the same species. I remember when I asked him, how is this decision going to be made? He said, oh, I thought we decided to make it. He said, well, it would be a good practice to make it. And it was made, and then if there's some I shared your opinion, by the way. I shared your view. I thought we made a decision.

[23:07]

Why did you say that when I asked that decision? Because since you brought it up that way, I thought you were saying the decision hadn't been made and you weren't satisfied. So now we'd have to have further discussions. I thought most people were satisfied, but you didn't seem to be satisfied. So I thought, oh, this is going to be a big elaborate process now. So we had to go to the practice committee, and then you brought up this thing of other people coming to the practice committee and discussing what that was going to be. So that's what happened in my view. But I thought pretty much a decision was made. Pretty much. Pretty much. But you didn't see it that way, so you wanted to find out more. So I thought, well. I would say that I thought pretty much the decision was made, too. I was sure. I thought. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure either. I wasn't sure either. Right. Was anybody sure? When I checked in, you know, that's when we said, oh, well, da-da-da-da-da.

[24:11]

Which then made me get further. Right. Right. So, what's going on? What's going on? We're, you know, in the classroom. Well, I think also you used the word steamroller. So that's thought there too. Where's the steamroller? Well, I kind of sense that the information that's received as far as people couldn't hear on one side and then it gets to quite an uncomfortable place. I perceive that the information that's received, the decision will be made as far as how it's going to go around. I mean, out in life, everyone is accountable for something or someone. So you've got to practice it. They're still pretty . And we're still a town that . And I'm sure the information was received as far as what the differences are, what the difficulties were as far as .

[25:14]

I thought, well, . So that would be fine. But I don't think any decision has been made. That's special. If we're going to be back, you know, about that later. What do you want to talk about? I also felt insane.

[26:20]

In what? I have to. I don't want somebody to know what did me. But anyway, I'm not sure if it's sunset the kind of way everybody says something else.

[27:21]

I just need to see, I think. You know, if you're going to respond in some way that will look like one way or another, it's actually that way. I don't know what you mean by started the class quietly. I don't know what you mean. I just started talking about Other people know what you're talking about? Yeah. He felt very careful.

[28:27]

When? When he started that. And I don't know what that means when it feels very careful. You mean when I said... It was a quiet, very, very quiet voice. It just felt like you were... I don't know what it means. I only can characterize my experience. I must say I had no such feeling. Maybe. If I were speaking and then somebody said that they thought I was steamrolling things, I certainly would pull back. Oh, that's later. No, I know that's later, but... Anyway, before that time, I didn't feel pulled back. I was... My recollection was you said the very first words out of your mouth were, tomorrow we're going to ceremonially invite the head monk to be the head monk.

[29:33]

You're all invited. I'm sorry, say it one more time? Yeah. I didn't mean to say it. I mean, it's interesting. And then mention some other. I'm just going to read the kind of lame rap words. Yeah, going first. It seems like the issue with all the design, pretty much about the history of email. But you've been more quiet than usual, but I usually still have time for my dad. I'm trying to get the coffee for you. What? My response was, if he asks us one thing for it, he calls us on the door. That would help me if we could cross it. How would you do that? My walls fell out. Well, I... Or maybe suck in, you know, suck in. Maybe some more of this and that. About that particular point, I did notice that some people were sitting closely, and I thought to myself, oh, thank you for sitting closely. And I noticed some people were sitting farther away, and I thought, gee, they're sitting kind of far away.

[30:37]

I'll have to talk kind of loudly to be heard. But anyway, I don't want to do this beginning the class carefully and all that stuff and just holding back. I have no understanding of that. But when Chris said that I steamrolled the situation, and called it the status quo, I thought I'd better let you people figure out what's going on, rather than me take the position of saying what's happening here. And I think that's still where it's at, is you people are going to have to figure this out. I'll participate, but I'm not going to say what I think happened here. Well, I'm not going to lead you in figuring out this whole process, because that's the question on the table. And I think I can't really go out to class until you figure people figure out what's happening here and figure out this process. Well, I think there are four of our things going on at once. The most prominent right now is that it's endlessly fascinating to retroactively analyze the attributes of the group, and particularly if there are prominent individuals in the group that you can analyze.

[31:44]

That's really fun. I myself am getting more frustrated because I wanted to listen to the class. The other couple of things that i think are going on is that there are various kinds of information out on the table that as chris said could be acted on in another venue logged in word meeting there also is an unresolved and ongoing relationship problem i think between chris and reb that has to do with in either one or both holes male authority. And I think that should be appropriately dealt with between either the two of them or the two of them with anybody else that they want to have in on the conversation. But I don't think it's going to get resolved here and I'm not interested in sort of working on that.

[32:50]

I still would like to hear some of the ideas in the class. And I don't know how to sort of clear the air of all the activities that are muddying up the atmosphere, except something radical like going out of the room and coming back in again. That was my thought. My thought was actually, why don't we just go to the window? Well, it's hard to read the notes up in a window. Yeah, of course. I had my heart set on periods. I've just done that too. It seems like a lot of scheduled activities kind of... It seems like we're doing a lot of group talking lately, and I think this is pure speculation, but I think part of it might be that the practice period started with

[33:55]

possibility of stopping the train, I think people around are saying, well, where's the train? And I think it's very interesting. But I was particularly interested in what Chris had to say about the zombie the other night because by the end of that day I was a little frazzled and kind of tired of interacting like that. And I was just sick. I didn't want to listen anymore. There's been so much losing. And it's so real. And it seems like we with this new Read Your Life idea. But anyway, we all are maybe a little frightened and want to express ourselves a lot. It reminds me of just when this class started, I noticed that it was quite loud in here.

[35:06]

It was substantially louder than it usually is. It was more talking and laughing than it usually is. Which is basically what we're saying. When I was trying to get to the bottom of that, I mean, I think it is in the capacity to do these things. But it felt like there was a certain anxiety about what's going to happen next, and this is kind of what happened. You know, you wouldn't like to get back, I believe. But I mean, I think if it's a student hall, people will be anxious. I mean, I think it's not quite so plain. It was, uh, except that we had a grandson called Walter.

[36:09]

It was, uh, it was the practice. It was exactly how you do it. You know, all the types of protests, you know, do that type of stuff. And, uh, you know, it was quite a lot, you know, you have to, uh, you've got to go along with it. But, you know, it was very, it was like a moment of, I want to say one thing. I think I'm a person who feels hurt by being told that I'm speaking on my own. And I want to say, of course, what you're saying, but I think we have to accept that. I don't know what I said about signaling, but my intention was to say that I felt the signal, not the bad forces.

[37:25]

I would like there to be a signal and not how to bend it, but I didn't say that, actually. I don't know. We'll extend the class. I guess I feel like to go on with what I had planned to talk about, although this is a perfect example of it, it seems a little bit kind of a form of denial to do the class the way I was planning on it. So I don't have another plan available to do the class under these circumstances. So I'm going now without a plan, 25 without a plan.

[38:30]

To go back to what I had in Mani, that doesn't seem appropriate anymore. So this is what I'm doing in response to what's been happening. It feels like denying what's happening. Yeah. I think there's a feeling in the room that's palpable, and that's the main thing that's happening. Not the main thing, but it's something that's happening which we don't know what it is yet. And to sort of go on now when this feeling has been raised, I think denies it. And also to go on by what we are going on. I said that, and you said that, and I'm saying this. This is what we're going on with.

[39:32]

This is how we're going on. But me to go back to what I had in mind to talk about a more you know, I don't know what class like class where I'm going to present material for discussion. And, and what I worked on today, as to talk about, it seems it seems it doesn't seem appropriate to do that. It's, it was for another situation. Not this one. But if this way of going on like this doesn't seem beautiful, we can just say good night, which is fine with me, too. What about going over to what you're using as a springboard for it?

[40:33]

I've gotten some sort of presentation material and something more to talk about. It doesn't leave us behind. It denies us. It doesn't sort of, you know, walk around. This is not going forward so far. What I've been doing is the way you're going forward and the way you've been going forward. Okay. And I don't know about denial as much, but I feel like we've been processing away a lot today. And to me, it would be nice if we took our time to think about ourselves and what we did there and what we did for the world and what we should do as our teachers. to teach us something that we can't just do on their own.

[41:43]

At some point, people will try to go around on our level together. And we leave. Well, what I'm doing here is the way I'm teaching. How I've been responding to what's been coming up is the way I've That's the way I've been teaching. This is my teaching, and this is your teaching. Each of you is doing your thing. This is what's happening. I just don't feel like going to my notes and talking about that stuff. It just doesn't seem appropriate, doesn't seem relevant, even though it seemed relevant an hour ago.

[42:48]

It's almost time to go to bed anyway. It's been going on like this for almost an hour, so it's not actually, it's not really time to just get going anyway. Some of the stuff I wanted to talk about. I would like to say one word about politeness, because part of what I felt during this earlier session was embarrassing. I have a feeling that when we do the opening chant that we did at the beginning of the class, we're inviting the teacher to give us a class. And in a way, and this is not directed But you, Chris, because this has happened in other circumstances, too. Tonight, you did it, but other people have done it also.

[43:52]

It's a little bit like inviting a speaker to a hall to speak on the Colossus of Rhodes and then turning it into a democratic political meeting. And to me, it's very impolite. The topics, the business topics could be dealt with at a later time or in another place. They don't have to come up just because we happen to be in a group. And it seems to me like we started a class and then actually, since I've been talking too, I'm part of it. We all have been very impolite, I think, to the speaker. In a sense, we've given them a podium and then taken it away. I think we should think about continuing with whatever we set up.

[44:58]

And since we all chanted the chant, we set up a class and then we participated in taking it away. I just want to say I feel stuck. I don't know what that means right now. I feel stuck right now. I don't know what that means [...] right now. I would like to make a chant and talk about that. It seemed to me at least the last couple of days, and especially within this class in the Philippines, just that there's a real question of the word here.

[46:06]

a little question of, well, what now is authority? What now is what we're looking up to? And I've been feeling it in the last couple days that those events of authority that we have been reacting on for a very long time, I've been severely questioned. I've been severely looked at. And I always think it is appropriate that we did give you with and took it with. I mean, that's our own insurance, our own questioning of what is authority. And if we give it back, do we give it back and let it go to or do we give it back? I don't know. But I think there's some the community and I don't know. I feel a very frustrating place for me.

[47:09]

Basically, since it started, I've had a very, very good impression. But I have a hard decision. And I think that's something I'm going to look for, and I don't exactly know what I'm looking for. Yeah, I find it painful to feel bad. I wish we got that. My reaction was that I felt I felt like you packed her in. And I felt like this little girl who suddenly saw my parents had a fight or something. And I right away had this reaction like I wanted to stop it. I'd fix it. I was like, no kids want to fix it. And it was truly an emotional reaction.

[48:32]

I mean, I could look at the interchange and the words that were said, things that would happen when all this was going on. for the last few days to try to look some time analysis of that for you but really I just I just want to give them up what I felt when I felt like this little girl and so it cuts up I don't like that it's right at what point they thought that When you get up the road and you sort of talk about the class, I sort of felt like we were a lot of people. And at the same time, I was trying to listen to what you were saying, trying to make some sense of it, and trying to see what Roger's reaction was to it. But I didn't really know what my reaction was, because it felt like it was, like I said, mixed speaking, or something like that.

[49:41]

I did say that, uh, people feel like, you know, they can't, they're being left behind. They can stop the train. I've seen those police, where they've crashed some of them in, uh, any of the other stops on the train. They're all, like, bored and terrible. I mean, you mentioned it. [...] The rescue group didn't annoy the rest of the boat, and we wrapped the entire boat up. I have a question coming online here. It's such an entire couple of lines, because they can't. And after they spilled water on them, the last thing that happened, that was an accident.

[50:52]

And I thought they ought to have talked to us about it. It's the fact that it seemed like they Yeah, it was a part of my crisis. If people were not there, have they ever dealt with respect or have they ever given them respect? That's a portion of how we only went. We didn't see quite to the black or to the black. Pretty much the same. Yeah, but I always, you know, I like that. I agree. You know, I think it's a good result. Yeah. [...] Any suggestions?

[52:09]

Anything else you want to do? Can anyone else want to talk about the names? Scott. OK. OK, I'm calling.

[52:35]

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