I want to begin today by formally and publicly thanking Hoitsu Roshi for coming from Japan to practice with us. He's very busy, so he must have really wanted to come. And also thank you for doing a very difficult thing of giving talks. He just came from Japan right off the airplane without practicing English. Giving lectures in English, very difficult for him, but he did it. And I I enjoyed the talks very much. And I think everyone else did too. I would be happy to listen to more.

[01:06]

And for me, Hoitsu Roshi is my older brother and also my uncle. And kind of my foster parent, all that together. So when I hear him talk, you know, my Dharma family, I feel my Dharma family. And I feel my teacher. So I miss my teacher, so when I see my older brother, I feel my teacher comes back somewhat. So I would be happy to listen to more talks. But yesterday he said he was squeezing the lemon, squeezing the lemon, not much juice, so I felt sorry for him. So last night I said, I said, Dharma lemon.

[02:13]

How's the Dharma lemon? And it sounded like he didn't want to squeeze anymore. So I didn't ask him again. But at the beginning he said that he had now, ten years ago he thought he had something to teach but now he does not think so anymore. Or maybe ten years ago he realized he does not have anything to teach. And this is a Zen way. The teachers do not feel they have anything to teach. Still they teach, but they don't have anything. They don't have anything to teach, and there's no teachers in Zen, but there's teaching. And so he said, I just want to practice Zazen together with you.

[03:23]

This is... I like the spirit of nothing to teach and just practicing zazen together. And when I hear that, I'm very happy to hear that. And I want to come and sit with him and with all of you, just practicing zazen together. Not my zazen, not your zazen, just zazen together. This session's schedule, from my point of view, is not very hard, not much sitting. So my pain is, I don't have much pain. So that might be a contributing factor, but I really have been wanting to come back to the Zen Do to sit every period.

[04:29]

I've really been enjoying the sitting this time, more than for a long time, I think. Partly because you're here and I don't get a chance to sit with you very much. Just wanting to come to sit. And not really wanting to get anything, just wanting to come to sit with others. This is how Zen Center started.

[05:31]

People came to study Zen, and so Suzuki Roshi said, well, I sit in the morning, you can come and sit. So they did. So we did. Also at one point, Hojitsu Roshi raised his hand like this and went, Something about, something, I need to turn something. And he didn't say much about it, and people were interested, weren't they? You were interested in this turning. You could tell this turning is kind of like a very important point. And so you asked, but he had trouble saying all he could do is and a little bit better, get a little bit better.

[06:50]

I want to get a little bit better or improve a little bit. So I don't know what he means by that, but this turning is what I've been talking about. This turning. Turning around in the opposite direction from my way taking my way and turning it around whatever my way is whatever my understanding is from the beginning turn it around but Again, my understanding is maybe that I could turn something around. Turn that around too. This turning around is not something I do or you do.

[07:56]

And yet the turning around is the essential. turning around is learning the Buddha way when you learn something it's not something you know already it's something you don't know that's learning it's not a review of your established position clarifying it and making it more certain. It is a review of your established position, clarifying it thoroughly, and then because you studied it so thoroughly, because you clarified your position so thoroughly, it drops off.

[09:09]

It's forgotten. So this turning is, for me, it's to study the Buddha way. And to study the Buddha way means to study the Self. And to study the Self means to forget the Self. And if you forget the self means everything realizes you. And when everything realizes you, that means body and mind drop off. From the beginning, Zen practice is dropping body and mind. I just want to come and sit with you for no reason.

[10:41]

Being happy at that thought is dropping body and mind. I have no reason for doing this. I just want to. I have no reason for wanting to. I just do. I'm just happy at the thought. This is my desire. To study the Buddha way, to learn the Buddha way, to study the Buddha way, also you could say to model yourself on the Buddha way, is to model yourself on yourself. Model yourself on yourself.

[11:53]

So there's nothing left but the self modeled on the self. There's not somebody modeling something onto something. There is just the self modeled onto the self. At that time, you cannot remember the self. with this effort body and mind drops away you can't remember what zazen is you can't remember what kinhin is you just model zazen on zazen you just model kinhin on kinhin you just model breathing on breathing completely you have no other interest you have dropped everything but that This is a joyful faith. You don't push yourself there.

[13:07]

You don't pull yourself there. You're just there. Body and mind dropping off is the beginning of Zen practice, is Zen practice from the beginning. But dropping off body and mind is not something you can do. It is a gift of reality to our life. what we must do is we must model the self on the self that's where the gift is delivered the gift is delivered to those who are themselves only and completely and your self is completely

[14:28]

absolutely, contradictorily self-identical. In other words, the self you must become includes not you. So you become the sitting person and you become all sentient beings. You model yourself on everything. in that way all things come forward and realize you even though I can't you can't drop body and mind body and mind is always being dropped right now body and mind is being dropped and again it's always happening this is reality We need to join this.

[15:31]

Please join this dropped off body and mind. Catch up with it and don't get ahead of it. It's already happening. And although I can't do it and you can't do it, still, maybe if I talk, you can trust it. Not to do it, but trust it. Trust it so much that you would be willing to be yourself. Or by being willing to be yourself, you show, you trust that body and mind is dropped off. and your Zen practice starts there from you being willing to be this person at this place nothing is more difficult nothing really works any differently from it to help understand this

[16:49]

dropping body and mind I think there's a word a Chinese word that will help this word is part of my name and so this word is part of my study of myself, I've been studying this word, this Chinese word, for 23 years, since Suzuki Roshi gave me the name. The word I'm thinking of is the word pronounced in Japanese, ki, and pronounced in Chinese, ji, ji. So my Buddhist name is Tenshin Zen Ki. Tenshin means, once Hizu Kureishi gave me the name, he said it means Reb is Reb.

[17:53]

And Zen means complete Ki. The fact that Reb is Reb is the complete Ki. What is Ki? Ki has many meanings. It's a word you find many places in Buddhist teaching. It's the name of a fascicle by Dogen Zenji called Zenki, same as my name. That Zenki, complete ki, is sometimes translated as total dynamic function. So there, ki, means dynamic function. Another meaning for ki is working. Another meaning for ki is opportunity. Another meaning for ki is change or motion. Another energy. Another loom. Another machine.

[18:58]

Another inquiry. So my name means this Tenshin, which means Reb is Reb, or a childlike understanding of things, like if you will put your hand up, ask a child what this is, they say it's a hand. The fact that this hand is a hand, and understanding that this hand is a hand, if that's what you understand, or if you think this is something else, whatever you think this is, the fact that you think it's that, that's the complete opportunity. That's the complete function. And one translation of Zenki, another translation of Zenki is the whole works. And again, the whole works has a

[20:07]

colloquial meaning and a standard English meaning the colloquial meaning of the whole works is everything the standard English meaning is that the whole the universe works the universe is not on strike the universe works it's a working universe a single parent working universe But Zenki means both of those things. It means everything and it means everything works. It means everything works and it means that everything works through something. That everything offers opportunities. Which means that the universe offers us opportunities and also it means that everything is an opportunity. Everything is an opportunity.

[21:08]

Even you being you is an opportunity. As a matter of fact, you being you is the total, complete opportunity. And if you are less than you, if you make yourself something other than you, if you have an understanding of yourself which does not allow you simply to understand yourself, then you don't realize, you don't manifest the complete working That's my name. It means Zazen. Tenshin Zenki means Zazen. It means just sit. And that is the whole works. So I've been studying this word, this word Ki, for 23 years.

[22:16]

It's interesting, you know, I remember my daughter, who's now 16 and is temporarily deciding to stay home with her parents. Parental authority has been re-established and she accepts it. When she was a little girl, she learned English and Chinese. And one of the words I remember she learned was Fei Ji. Fei means wings. And Ji is this character in my name, which means opportunity or machine. It's a flying opportunity or a flying machine. In other words, an aeroplane. So she was learning the word Fei Ji, the Chinese word for aeroplane. And when she was learning that, everywhere we went, she saw airplanes.

[23:28]

She saw airplanes in books. She saw airplanes on people's shirts. She saw airplanes on people's wrists. She saw airplanes everywhere. And they really were there. I didn't notice them, but she would say, Feiji, and I'd look, where is the Feiji? Oh, there it is. And one time we were driving in the car, and she was sitting next to me, down low in the seat, and she said, Feiji. And I looked, and I looked, and I couldn't see the Feiji. And then I looked out the window, up into the sky, and... I don't know how many miles away it was, but way up in the blue sky there was a tiny little speck. It was a feiji. This is called studying. Thoroughly.

[24:33]

Which for a child is a matter of life and death. They do it all the way. And when they learn that, then they go on to doggy. and so on. Each thing thoroughly studied. So this word, this word ki, or ji, it's a very important word for my life and I think it can help you understand dropping off body and mind, just turning. In the beginning of the Book of Serenity, Shoyoropu, the first case, the great Zen teacher Tianteng makes a verse.

[25:37]

And one line in the verse is, creation, no, continuously creation works. her loom and shuttle. Creation is constantly working her loom and shuttle. The loom that creation works that character is key. This key is what creation is working all the time. weaving an ancient brocade, the ancient brocade of the evolving universe, incorporating the patterns of spring, bringing all of past and incorporating the new life into it and making another line in the brocade.

[26:45]

This character is working. This character is opportunity, is key. Even if you don't have a key in your name this key right now is happening to you. This loom is being worked. Your life is appearing and being included in itself right now. Can you see this key? this key is what creation uses to create forms it's where the form of your life comes from and the complete the totality of this working is the fact that you're this way

[28:05]

And that I'm this way. And that we're all this way. You want to understand Ki? You want to understand complete Ki? The total dynamic function of the universe? Here it is. Just like this. The way of Zazen The way of meditation does not require cultivation. You don't have to cultivate it. You don't have to do anything. Just don't defile it. Just don't defile this. just not defiling, just not messing around with this is called the complete opportunity.

[29:17]

In other words, you trust that this is the complete opportunity. You trust that this period of zazen is the total function of the universe and you can enjoy it the way of meditation is everything completely working but it's not hard work everything is already working as hard as it can you don't have to make it that way we do need to enjoy it though we have to be there to enjoy it and when it's painful it's hard but if we can let the pain be just the pain that faith that lets it be just the pain shows, manifests our faith that this is the opportunity

[30:35]

In the next, and then in case three of the Book of Serenity, Tian Tong's verse says, in the subtle round mouth of the pivot, the spiritual work turns. and in the spiritual work the work is this key again the spiritual opportunity turns in the subtle round mouth of the pivot where's the pivot? it's right here it's the place where you turn In that subtle round mouth of this pivot, this key turns. It turns around and sets you free.

[32:02]

Right here it turns and sets you free of right here. It sets you free of pain, it sets you free of attachment, it sets you free of happiness. It sets you free of trying to get something. It sets you free of rejecting the world. It sets you free of attaching to the world. Where's the pivot? In the subtle round mouth of the pivot, the spiritual energy, the spiritual work, the spiritual opportunity, the spiritual chance, turns. So, I don't know if you can absorb more today.

[33:47]

Do you want me to give you more or do you want to ask questions or do you want me to stop? Do you want more input or do you want question and answer? Or stop? How many want input? Raise your hands. How many want question and answer? How many want stop? How many of those who want me to stop are afraid to raise their hands? Two. Two brave ones. How many who want me to stop are afraid to raise their hands? How many people will beat them up if I start? So I start. Now, do you want me to ask any questions people want me to start?

[34:49]

What? Do you want to ask a question? Do you want to ask a question? No. That was a great joke. Did you say thanks a lot? It's OK. Yes? And I find I don't have a certain matter mental questions in my mind, like, where does the self-design, or where does my pain reside, or I ask questions like this. Now, I can just go on and on when people say we're crazy with these questions, so I tend to just kind of forget them and return to my reading.

[35:55]

But what I've not done is I've not applied these questions, and I've come with an answer to T-recommittals. The questions you just mentioned, those questions are an example of really your breath. You should treat those questions like you treat your breath. With your breath, you don't feel like you have to have an answer to your breath, do you? You just have the experience of your breath. With those questions, like, where is myself? What is myself? What is pain? With those questions, just clearly observe the question. Clarify the question. Let the question be just that question. See that question exactly as that question. Some people see their breath as their breath.

[36:57]

Some people think they have to do something to their breath. They don't trust their breath at this moment. Just trust your breath completely as the breath that it is. If you're inhaling, trust inhaling completely. If you're exhaling, trust exhaling completely. If you have a question like, where is the pain? Trust that question completely. In other words, I trust that this question, as it appears right now, is the complete opportunity. And again, clarify means to clearly observe it as it is. Which you would if you thought... your life and your freedom will turn on this question not on the answer to this question because the answer is not here will turn on this question you have only a short period of time to see this question you got to see it clearly this is your basically your only chance right now don't defile the question by thinking about the answer just there's the question this question is my savior

[38:11]

Where does it come from? It comes from a lack of faith. No. It's ki manifesting as a lack of faith. Ki manifests sometimes in such a way that it obscures what's happening. That's the way ki sometimes manifests. It manifests as you don't trust what's happening. And if you don't trust what's happening, then you think you should improve it or get rid of it or get more of it or less of it. That's the way ki manifests sometimes.

[39:27]

But you can still see, oh, now Ki is manifesting as doubt, as not trusting this. So because I don't trust it, I think I have to do something. I think I have to get myself into meditation, or get myself out of delusion. This is not radical politeness. Radical politeness is even when Ki is manifesting in an obscuring way, which causes doubt in this happening, You even see that clearly, and then you trust that. So the key is not really manifesting an obscuration, it's just manifesting in an obscuring way. We say, you know, the clouds do not block the sun. But if you think the clouds block the sun, then you say, I can't see the sun. That's the way ki sometimes manifests, as clouds between me and the sun.

[40:31]

But if I understand that, I realize that what I'm seeing here is the sun through the clouds. Then the doubt is dispersed. I'm caught by this. I think it's similar to what I thought I feel like. I find it difficult to understand or to accept that maybe I'm asking here, What I do so much, I see my projections and I see myself in other people.

[41:48]

Sometimes I see someone do something and dislike it and then notice that I do that and I don't like it in myself and I don't like being reminded of it. And I just, I, if I can say it inelegantly or how my experience of it, I want to say, how can that have anything to do with the Dharma? What does that have to do with what they're talking about? It seems like what you're talking about must be somehow larger than that or deeper than that.

[42:50]

I'm filled with emotion now. It's such a good question. I wish you had yelled it so that everyone could really have it penetrate them. It's a good example. Say it again. It's louder. How can that be dharma? Is that what you said? I did, I said, how can that be dharma? Yeah, how can that be dharma? How can this be dharma? How can this be dharma? How could this, how could this, how could this, where is the pivot where this situation, how can this be dharma? How can this turn? How can this help it? How can this crappy thought, how can this crappy talk, how can this be dharma? In other words, how can it turn here? How could this be the moment where things will turn around and my life will be reversed?

[44:03]

How could it happen now? That's the question. How now will this completely turn around and me be released? How can I drop body and mind now? Now rather than later when this all clears up. rather than later when the conversation gets a little bit spiffier. Now, how can this lousy situation be the place of realization of Dharma? That's the question. If you don't ask that question, even if you're in a real nice conversation where no projecting seems to be going on or where the projection is totally pleasant, if you don't ask that question, you're just stuck. The spiritual work is stuck. It's not turning. So to ask that question in the midst of those painful situations, that's a great question. That's a question of saying, where is the pivot? Where is it going to turn? Where is this whole thing going to turn around? Can I use this? Could this be the moment?

[45:04]

That's the question. Could this hearing, could this seeing, could this projecting, could this dislike, could this judgment be the place where things will turn? That means my mind is doing things all the time. I don't have to do anything. All I have to do is be there and look and be alert for the opportunity. This is the opportunity. This and this or thus and thus. How could it be? There's no reason why this is better than the last one or the next one. This just happens to be the one you've got to work with. How could it be? Fine, ask that question. How could it be? How could this practice period, this sangha, be the opportunity for realizing the essential working, the essential working, the essential key?

[46:40]

How could it happen here? How could this place be the place where you're going to realize the working essential? How could this practice period, this sashi, these people in your body and mind, how could all this be the situation in which you're going to wake up to what zazen is? How? You didn't ask me how, how do I need something to accept? It's just another word. And when that word comes up, that's the opportunity. However, if you're just going along and there's no how there, you don't have to bring it in. That will be defiling it. Her question does not need to be brought into your life. But when you ask the question, that's your question at that time. And don't add anything to that. And that will go away. It won't last.

[47:42]

You get another one. then forget about that wonderful question you used to have, which was the complete opportunity of the universe. Forget about it. And accept this one, which is even less likely. You don't have to ask a question. You just have to be here when whatever arises, arises. And in fact, conveniently, that's what's happening. it's all worked out perfectly you just have to catch up with it you have to accept it you have to be with what you are you don't have to do anything in addition to the fact that you're doing things all the time you're busy enough you don't have to get busier all you gotta do is drop body and mind is to realize the dropped off body and mind

[48:44]

And when you do, well, then we start talking about Zen practice. Does the defilement happen in the next breath? Does that make sense to me? No. Okay. It seems as though nothing is defiled as it comes up. Yes. But we speak of defilement. So it seems as though the defilement is what happens next, always in relation to the last thing. But this isn't defilement in its moment. But it might have been defilement with that. Right. So, the other, another way of teaching about what this key is, is in conjunction with the Zen teacher Dungshan's three kinds of leakage.

[49:46]

Okay? Three kinds of outflow. And when he demonstrates what these three kinds of outflow are, he uses this word ki. And the third kind of outflow is the outflow around words. And he says that what we do is we embrace, we embody the mystery we embody the wonder but lose its source and then this key obscures the beginning and end we embody the wonder in other words whatever is happening we embody the wonder of creation moment after moment we embody the wonder of creation but we forget the source we lose the source of this wonder. Then because of that the way ki manifests is it obscures beginning and end and we think that there's some other time.

[50:56]

Words lead us to think there's a before and after that aren't here. Rather than the thoughts of before and after are also creation. which we embody. When we think, before and after, we do that. This is a wonder. But then, as we embody it, we lose track of where this came from. Where did it come from? Where did it come from? What is it? We get stuck. We forget this is really just breath. This is just life in the form of whatever this is. And then the way the key works is it confuses. It obscures. We go colorblind. And that's how the wonder of delusion that's how the wonder of defilement appears that's how the wonder of that we think we can't be like this that's how we confuse this and Buddha that's how we obscure this and Buddha by this wonderful process

[52:22]

if you can notice that you do this it's all you got to do is to catch yourself at this process you don't have to stop these leakages you just have to catch them this is how catching your light energy catching the opportunity as it does this this opportunity keeps cranking out these delusions if you fight them you believe them. If you don't fight them, you believe them. You believe them because you're obscured. Because the key is obscuring. Another word for key in this case is the intellect obscures. The intellect says before and after that obscures. But to tell you the truth, I think it's a separate talk to get into these leakages. And, uh, but since you brought it up, this is kind of like a preview of that, that discussion of these leakages.

[53:38]

Yes? This is the, uh, main question, but, you know, the two times, the second, the only thing that says, uh, uh, something about, uh, uh, We are somewhat deficient in the vital way of pulling the menstruation. I just have two questions. The first one is, what's the efficiency in the second one? What are you talking about the vital way of pulling the menstruation? Another translation there is, instead of saying somewhat deficient, that translation is loitering about the frontiers of total emancipation. He's sort of hanging around at the doorway when that happens.

[54:44]

And what he said before that was... You have insight, you see clearly, you have some insight, and you think about escalating the very sky, climbing to the heights. You're really excited about your insight. That's the situation, right? Which is somewhat deficient in the vital way of total emancipation. Which is free of this excitement. which is free of this outflow which is free of this great insight which wasn't something that wasn't there before this insight you know this kind of insight is not radical politeness this is kind of like oh well now now I'm okay

[55:51]

Because of this. This is still what's somewhat deficient. The vital way of total emancipation is free of this. Well, now I got it. Now I got into it. Hey, now it's happening. I can believe this. This is high-quality stuff. That's somewhat deficient in the total way. The vital way. The vital way is more earthy than that and not so dualistic. and unfortunately lacks that hot stuff too sometimes although it doesn't completely exclude it but it would appear more like a tiny speck in the sky rather than like a major event in your life from the point of view of Buddha this kind of realization he's talking about is kind of like just a speck in the sky not a big deal not something to get excited about and say well now we're really going to go to town this is really great Buddha would love you even if you thought that.

[56:54]

And say, hey Mark, that's cute. Why don't you come over and be Mark? You mean after this I still have to be Mark? Well, no, not really. Just kidding. The vital way is free of these kind of like small-scale major events. Doesn't need to exclude them or certainly not grasp them. Because everything, you know, has no abode and nobody knows anything about anything. There's no definite focus on anything. This is where Buddhists sit, and they never move from that place. And that's being a human being, if that's what you are. Like this, of all things.

[58:02]

But how could this be dharma? Might occur to you. And also might occur to you, this is really dharma. Well, okay. Human beings think like that. But I want to let the kitchen cook lunch.

[58:32]

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