I drew a picture yesterday of something, and before going into how to move through that landscape of human experience, which runs from enlightenment to various forms of delusion and misery, I thought I might just say a little bit about the basic practice, in some ways maybe the most basic practice, that one would hopefully continue to be endeavoring in while moving through the landscape I talked about, or the mindscape I talked about, and so the

[01:02]

way to describe this practice is often... there's many different simple ways of describing it, because it's a very simple practice. It is a practice of ... or it is a practice which is simply what's happening, that's the practice. And this practice is also wisdom.

[02:05]

And ... is there a chair over here? There's a chair there. And this practice is also called just sitting, just like that. And the just part of just sitting means, this is not a sitting that you do, this is just sitting. That's the basic practice that I'm bringing up as the way to study what's happening.

[03:11]

So I'm suggesting that what's happening is the way to study what's happening. That's what I think is the best way to study what's happening, and that also is called just sitting. In other words, just sitting is when what's happening is just what's happening, that's just sitting. Now if you're sitting, like you are right now, you doing the sitting is not just sitting. You could, I mean maybe you think you're doing the sitting, which is fine, it's a free country.

[04:16]

You can also think that you're not doing the sitting, which is also okay. You can also think that, what some people do, that I'm controlling you into sitting. But if you take away all that stuff and just let the sitting be the sitting, that's just sitting. Nobody's doing it, nobody's not doing it, it's just the sitting. That's the practice that I'm talking about as the simplest and most, sort of what I call close to the bone, is that the expression? Also bare bones practice. Now some of you may not like to hear about this, but let me tell you that it's okay that you don't like to hear it, because one of the reasons why you don't like to hear it is because you've heard about other kinds of meditation practices, like sitting, that's not just sitting. So I can write up here, sitting, this blackboard was recently imported from storage.

[05:29]

Sitting, you can also say meditation, you can say light. There's two kinds of sitting, okay? Two kinds of meditation, two kinds of light. Okay? One kind of sitting is sitting which, what do you call it, I, or you, do, or don't do. In other words, one kind of sitting is karma. One kind of meditation is karma, one kind of life is karma. As I said, it's a free country, you can practice this way, you can live this way, you can meditate this way.

[06:30]

One drawback, this is non-stop pain. Now that, but non-stop means, non-stop means continuous, but I mean, also means it doesn't stop. This kind over here, another kind of sitting is, I won't say you don't do it, but anyway, it's not, it happens. This kind of sitting, yeah, this kind of sitting, this kind of meditation, this kind of light happens. And it happens, and not by personal power. Not karma. Now one drawback of that for people is that they're used to karma, and they kind of miss

[07:33]

it. But the good side, the good thing about this kind of, this way of life and this kind of meditation practice is that it's, well, one of the good things about it is it is what's happening. And being what's happening, it is wisdom, and being wisdom and what's happening, same thing. It is freedom. It's freedom, period, and it's also freedom in particular from suffering. And freedom from suffering turns out isn't just freedom from suffering also, when you're free from suffering, it's very pleasant to be free from suffering. So it is freedom from suffering and also happiness. So this is the way I recommend. However, people don't like this way because they can't do it. They want a way that they can do. You want a way you can do? Here it is, right over here. You can find a lot of teachers who will teach you how to do meditation, and God bless them for being able to teach you that.

[08:33]

And God, I don't know what, also, God forgive them and God save them because they're doing a bad thing by teaching this. In the long, in the short run it's wholesome, probably, but it's dangerous because you're reinforcing people's basic habit of I do things. I do things is not what's happening. That's not what's happening. That's what we think is happening. Now, it is happening that we think that that's what's happening, but what's happening is not just what we think. It's a little bit more expensive than that. Even what I'm thinking is not the whole story. Even... Huh? Is that right? Is that what you think? Okay, when I'm talking, the fact that I'm talking is part of what's happening.

[09:42]

And when you're talking, that's also part of what's happening. But what I'm saying is not happening, and this is not a truth, this is just me talking, is that when you talk, you don't do it by your own personal power. You just think you do. And so that's over here on this side again. That's that kind of life. So when we practice just being present with what's happening, and again I said present with what's happening, but now I take away the word with. Not even like present with what's happening, but presence which is what's happening, or intimacy. Intimacy of what's happening. Again, I don't say with, because it sounds like something intimate with what's happening, but intimacy what's happening. Here's a meditation practice which I recommend that you practice.

[10:47]

That's the way Buddha practices. I'm actually recommending you practice the way Buddha practices. Buddha is just present with what's happening. Buddha is now trying to do some practice to be Buddha. Buddha is just intimate with what's happening. Intimacy with what's happening is Buddha. And you can't, and I can't, I can't do intimacy with what's happening. It's like I can't do intimacy with you. Like I go over and be intimate with you? No. You have some say in me being intimate with you. You may say, I don't want to be intimate with you. Or you may say, well, I appreciate you want to be intimate, but would you sort of like, go brush your teeth?

[11:52]

Or would you please be quiet for a second? Or would you please sit down? That would help me work on this intimacy thing with you. Intimacy is something, you can't like have a relationship and one person is doing intimacy and the other person is like sitting there taking it. Now, I know that some people actually think, and a lot of people agree with them, that you can have a relationship with somebody and one person is actually better at the relationship than the other one. Right? Sure. Like my wife for a long time was better at our relationship than I was, and I sort of thought that was true. But she really wasn't too good at it because she couldn't get me to be good at it. Finally, she got me to be good at it, then she was really good at it, because then I was good at it too. Now I'm almost as good as she is. After many long years of difficulty of her being better at the relationship than me,

[13:02]

those were not good years. She was better, she was right. I was not so good, I was wrong. But neither one of us liked it that way. So then she gave me this little tip, I don't know how she happened to say it, but she told me about this Greek word. Actually, some people say it's a Latin word. Euxor. It's either Latin or Greek, take your choice. It means wife. And there's an English word made out of it, Euxorius. Which means, she told me it meant devotion to your wife. So she told me that I should practice that. Or something like that. Maybe she didn't tell me I should, she just sort of said, well that would be good, or give it a try, kid. So I did, and it's a good thing to do. If you've got a wife, don't be devoted to your wife if you don't have one. It's okay to be devoted to other people's wives though.

[14:08]

And it's okay to be devoted to other people's husbands. So then when I started practicing devotion to my wife, then I got to be good at the relationship. When I first started practicing, she said, you're better than you used to be. Better than I used to be? Then finally she just said, you're good. Then she said, you're very good. Then she said, you're the best. All by devotion. To her. I'm still practicing. So what do you do though? Give us an example of what you have to do. Let's have some more concrete. You want some concrete examples? Well I can't give any examples of what I did, but I can tell you some examples of what some other people did. For example, one time we were having dinner with somebody,

[15:13]

and the husband teaches at UC Irvine. And the wife said, I watch Irvine Mike. He said, oh it's beautiful. His wife said, it's ugly. And he said, it's ugly. Is that devotion? Is that devotion? It was at that moment. And my wife said, you should learn that. And I did. I did learn it. I say that's something, and my wife says it's ugly. I say that's beautiful, and my wife says it's ugly, and I say it's ugly. Now some people might think I'm very switched for that, right?

[16:14]

Now if I actually, like, I don't know what, if I actually thought that when I said it was beautiful that was true, and now I'm switching over to say it's ugly, now that's true. If that's where I'm at, then that's not where I'm at. Where I'm at is, it's nice to have an opinion, which most of us have at various points, right? It's nice to have an opinion just because it goes with being alive as a human. But what's really fun, what's really fun, much far more fun than having an opinion, is giving it up. That's a lot of fun. If you have lousy opinions, it turns out giving them up is fun. If you have great opinions, giving up is almost more fun because in some sense you're less likely to want to give them up. Some people actually go around thinking, I don't have very good opinions, Ivan. My reality is not all that good. But still, if you give it up, it feels great.

[17:23]

Now, I'm not that type. I think I have a really good reality, but I don't think it's reality. I think it's illusion. And devotion to my wife often involves giving up my delusion of what reality is. See, most people think that they do things as delusion. Nobody can do anything by themselves. Even people think that they can control things. Nobody can control anything. You can influence things, you know, like you can go like this, remove your finger, like that. It's kind of like you can control your finger, right? Unless somebody tries to stop you from moving your finger, then you might get in trouble, which sometimes happens. But really, in any significant way, we can't really control things. But what we can do is we can be devoted to things. But devoted to things doesn't mean to control them. My wife from Birmingham was not under my control. And she hasn't got any more under my control recently either.

[18:30]

However, although she's not under my control, because I'm devoted to her, she is tamed. She's tamed. The tiger, the lion is tamed by devotion. Not under control, and I don't want her under control. I do not want her under control. I do not want you under control. I don't want anything under control. But I'd like the situation to be tamed. Tamed means, you know, we're getting along really well. Devotion to what's happening tames what's happening. And if you're out in the ocean, you know, and you're devoted to the ocean, there's various ways to be devoted to the ocean. You can be devoted to the ocean by looking at it. You can be devoted to the ocean by swimming in it. You can be devoted to the ocean by riding a surfboard on it.

[19:33]

It doesn't mean that the ocean doesn't have waves anymore. And that's what a tamed ocean would be. But somehow your relationship with the ocean becomes tamed by devotion. For example, if you're a surfer, the way you express your devotion to the ocean is by going out in the ocean with a surfboard. You keep expressing your devotion to the ocean by practicing surfing. The ocean becomes tamed. It becomes your friend. It becomes, you know, the surface upon which you realize beauty. Instead of just something which originally seemed to be just rough and scary and whatever. If you try to do, the ocean's going to keep biting and so will your wife, husband, children.

[20:39]

Children are such a wonderful example because some parents try to control them. And the children, what they have to do is they have to fight back. And if you try to control them too hard, the worst thing that would happen is your children would stop fighting back. That then your control would have damaged them. But as long as you're trying to control your children, they should fight back. When you're devoted to your children, they become tamed. Your mind, guess what? Same thing. That's why I recommend just being intimate with what's happening with your body and mind. And that is being devoted to what's happening. If an angry thought arises, if you have a painful feeling, whatever arises, what do you do?

[21:41]

You're present with it. That means you don't mess with it. You don't try to control it. Put your hands together or something like that and you say, Good morning, mind. Good morning, pain. Good morning, pleasure. Good morning, turbulent consciousness. I'm devoted to you. And that devotion takes you into intimacy with it. And that devoted intimacy, the mind becomes tamed. And it starts revealing the landscape I told you about yesterday. So I'm just talking about the practice I recommend is the practice of being intimate with what's happening. Giving up personal power and going for intimacy with what's happening rather than trying to control your mind, get intimate with your mind. And some people think, I'd have to control my mind before I could even get intimate with it. It looks like that sometimes. Your mind is such a messy thing.

[22:42]

I can't even begin to get intimate with it. It's so wild. Let's beat it up for a few more years, and then when it's completely crushed, then I'll be intimate with it. Well, here's two examples. One is, you know, when my wife and daughter, my daughter doesn't live with us now, but when my wife and daughter were living with me, sometimes they would go away for a few days, and while they were gone, I would clean the house. And then it would take me two days to clean it. If they're gone for three days, there would be one day where the house would be clean before they got back. But in that one day, or maybe it would take more than one day, but it doesn't take very many days before I realize that I don't want that house to stay clean. You know, day after day, stay clean. It gets to be really not what I want. I kind of want them to come back. I don't really want them to exactly make a big mess like they usually do,

[23:44]

but I'd like them to come back and mess it up a little. If they could just come in and drop a few wreaths here or something. Maybe, you know, I don't know what, put a magazine on the table or something. Of course, they usually go overboard, but anyway, I prefer that to the house staying clean. And one time here at Tassajara, when I was a new monk here, I think it was my first practice period, sitting over there in that old zendo, I decided to get my mind under control. And I was very coercive and powerful, and I influenced my mind into being just like I wanted it to be. When I got it to be just like I wanted it to be, I realized I didn't want it to be that way. I didn't like the way it was when I got my mind under control. So, a lot of people think that what meditation is,

[24:47]

or concentration is, or whatever, is getting your mind under control, to use personal power, or even to get a gang of people to help you to get your mind under control. So, think of what you want your mind to be like, and work on getting it to be that way, and get some teachers to help you, and some fellow students to help you, some fellow mind control and teacher control people, and get your mind under control, get it to be just like you want it to be. Now, if you get it there, hopefully you'll realize that's not what you want. I think that's probably what you realize. We don't want this thing. We don't want to turn our mind into a thing. We don't want to turn our children, and our spouses, and our planet into a thing. I don't think so. So, that's why this kind of practice is not the kind I recommend. However, this kind of practice is not like, you know, separated from that kind of practice, because, still, for all practical purposes, until you're like completely enlightened,

[25:48]

you're still operating on this side. You're still like operating at the level of I'm taking notes, you know, I'm lifting the chalk up, I'm banging my head with the chalk, whatever. You're still operating at that level. You know, I'm driving the car. When Suzuki Roshi was alive, we used to give him rides everywhere. He didn't have a driver's license anyway, but anyway. Someone said to him, you know, how come you don't drive Suzuki Roshi? And he said, it's too dualistic. It's too dualistic. You know, I drive the car. So he let us be dualistic. And he was non-dually intimate with us being dualistic. So the dualistic world of you and me, and I do this and you do that, this dualistic world over here, and dualistic life,

[26:48]

and dualistic action, that's going on and it's going to go on for a while. It doesn't mean we like abolish that. It just means that our practice, our practice is what's happening. So if what's happening is that dualistic world is going on and dualistic thinking is going on, either I think I'm doing things or I see you think you're doing things, my practice is to be intimate with myself doing things, is to be intimate with my karma. My practice is not the karma I'm doing, my practice is intimacy with what I'm doing. My practice is not the karma I'm doing, it's studying and being very close and devoted to, not doing karma, but devoted to the one who's doing the karma, devoted to the mind that's creating the karma, flexibly adjusting, meditating,

[27:52]

and aware of the process of karma, not doing more. Somebody keeps trying to fix this world up and causing trouble. Here's some other stories of somebody trying to fix up the world. Some of you heard this story before. There's two stories of my dog. So I had a really sweet dog one time. I had two really nice dogs. I had a little tiny one, a cross between a golden Labrador and a terrier. Looked like a little golden Labrador. And I named her Lara after that lady in Dr. Zhivago. I just saw the movie Dr. Zhivago. And so she was really a sweet dog. And I'll just tell you, I won't tell you my whole life with her. I'll just tell you a couple high points. One was, she got pregnant. Well, maybe I'll back up from that.

[28:53]

One was, she came in to eat. And I did not want her to have puppies. So you already know the end of the story. I did not want her to have puppies because I didn't want to take care of puppies. I was a college student. I liked having this dog, but I did not want to take care of puppies and go through that whole thing. So finally, after I had her for a while, she came in to eat. I guess I got her when she was a puppy. And, you know, you can tell when a female dog's in heat because certain things happen in her rear area. And I can't smell this stuff, but it gives off an odor which dogs can smell through walls. Male dogs can smell through walls. So, I'm keeping you indoors during this time. This is indoor time, no outdoors, except when I'm in your company, you stay indoors. My male dogs are outside barking, inviting her to come out. She wants to go out.

[29:53]

I don't want her to go out. So this goes on for a while. Anyway, I open the door, she tries to get out. I close the door. So one day, anyway, she gets out, runs ahead of me, and I'm on second story, so she's down the stairs. And there's this little crew of puppies. Male dogs, you know. There's a variety, right? She's ahead of me. So, I kind of, so, I'm not into devotion to my dog, right? I'm into controlling my dog. She's into devotion to me, but it has limits. The hormones overcame, in some sense, her devotion to me, in a way. But really, she was devoted to my enlightenment. So she goes running down the stairs. She's ahead of me. She's downstairs on the ground. I'm still sort of on the second story. I'm coming down the stairs. Okay, so then I think, kind of like, oh, okay. But then I think,

[30:54]

wait a minute. I'm going to have some say over who. So, there were three of them, and two of them seemed to be, you know, the main competitors. And I was wondering, like, I thought quite a big, beautiful husky, a white husky. This is Minnesota in the winter, you know. There's huskies out there in the snow. Pretty good looking husky. And then there was this little, runty guy. Little, kind of like, short-haired, spotty guy, with real short legs, and kind of like... Anyway, I did not like that. That was not going to be my son-in-law. But he was fast. Yeah. So, he got in there. Like that, you know. So, then I said, no, no. I wasn't... It's one... I was willing to let it go if she chose the right husband, but... So, I said, Lara, come in the house. So, her obedience kicked back in, and she came in the house. But,

[31:54]

as you may have heard, about, the way dogs work, is that once things start, you can't stop until they're done. So, she dragged this dog up the stairs behind her. Here, she's coming up the stairs with this little guy. This is what you call personal power. Seems like... Okay. So, I said... So, when I saw that, I thought, this is too much. This is too ugly. Too ugly. Ah, go ahead. Forget it. So, that happened. And that did happen. You know, it looks like personal power, and I... You see, it looked like personal power, but... But it was ugly, what happened in that personal power thing. It wasn't really personal power.

[32:55]

It was a combination of me and her. It was a combination of me and her devotion to me. And then it was a... Anyway, so it wasn't really personal power, but when I was acting that way, things got ugly. So, anyway, she got pregnant, and... And you could tell she got pregnant because she didn't want to go outside anymore. She wasn't like... She wasn't like trying to go out anymore. She stayed in the house all the time. No more mating interest. And the job was done. And then she got... You know, grew and grew and grew and grew, and all those things happened. And then another kind of change happened around her rear end, which shows... You can tell the baby's going to come pretty soon, right? Kind of oozing, kind of discharge. Things are coming out, right? So at that time, usually... She had her own little bed there in the kitchen, but also she would have the free reign of the house. But when she got to this point,

[33:56]

I kept her in the kitchen because she was dripping this red material all over the house. I didn't want to have this all over the rug, my beige rug. So again, I tried to control her into her room. Kitchen. Your bed in the kitchen. Stay in the kitchen. She also liked to come on my bed, and I didn't let her come up to my bed to get the stuff on my blankets and my white pillowcases. I didn't let her do that. Control, right? Personal power. Hmm. And then she went along with it. So, you know, that's reasonable, isn't it? Trying to get your dog from getting the stuff all over your pillowcase. Poor college student, you know. I came before this... using clean pillowcases for my dog's bed. But that's where she wanted to lay it, on my pillowcase. Anyway, one day I come home from school, and I opened... I come into my bedroom, and there's my dog

[34:57]

up on my pillowcases. And I see this red stuff all over my pillowcases. So I say, Get in the kitchen. And she goes in the kitchen. Then I go over to clean up the mess, and all behind the pillowcases is all these little puppies. There's always that reaction. There's always that, oh. So that's what I do. I go, oh. But it isn't just the puppies, you know. I mean, puppies, you know. Puppies are puppies. But what really horrified me is that this mother would leave her puppies because I told her to, because she was so devoted to me. She would follow my instructions over protecting me, over, like, snarling at me to protect her puppies. She left her puppies, and I told her to. So then I said, oh, you can go back and go back with your puppies and line up pillowcase and make that your mess. Hey, did you sleep

[35:57]

in the kitchen? No, no, I slept with the puppies on my bed. So then, then, we get into the part that I didn't want to get into, and then we have all those puppies and going around the neighborhood trying to find some people who wanted puppies. And they were really ugly puppies. I knew they would be. They weren't too ugly, but they probably grew up to be ugly. That's, that's personal control power stuff, rather than devotion. The interface is quite a different kind of way. We don't really want that. We don't really want this world. And, and, sure enough, one of the reasons why we don't want this world is because it's ugly and painful, this world. Now, beautiful things happen in this world, but when we respond, when we respond with I do, power, karma, we make it ugly. Like we can make our kids ugly. We can make our,

[36:58]

you know, our relationships ugly. Beautiful things all over the place, but when we bring in this power thing to it, when we bring in, you know, control, and I can bring in I, which power and control sound pretty heavy, but, you know, it starts from a simple little place. The power and control are blossomings of I can do something. Okay? It starts simple, just thinking you can do something blossoms into power trips and kills love. First, it doesn't sound that bad, but it gets bad very fast. Fortunately, this hurts, so we got to look at a hint that maybe this isn't the way, and fortunately or unfortunately, not only is this reality and freedom, but it also is happiness. Not only does it not hurt other people, not only is it love and kindness to other people, but it feels good to us too. And it's also basically beautiful.

[37:58]

Out of control, but beautiful. Okay, so, and again, what I'm saying, once again, these two worlds are not separate. This world, the dualistic world, things are separate. From this point of view of what's happening, there's no separation. So this world of what's happening is not separated from the dualistic world where we think, where we have deluded ideas of what's happening. It is happening that we have deluded ideas of what's happening. That is happening. So it's not like what's happening and then there's no deluded ideas anymore. No. What's happening is that deluded ideas are coming up all the time. It's not like that's what's going to stop. It's just that here you're devoted to the what's happening part of the deluded world. In the deluded world you're not trying to control the deluded world. Over here, in this way of practice, you're just intimate with the deluded world. You're intimate

[39:03]

with this deluded world. You're not trying to control it. You're intimate with it. You're devoted to all things in the deluded world. Devoted to, intimate with, not trying to control. Studying, interested, Not trying to control the world, what are you trying to control? This is the realm of presence, this is the realm of not doing anything, or non-doing. You practice non-doing with the world of doing. In the middle of the world of doing, you're not doing. So there's a story about this, which I tell over and over, it's case 21 of the Book of Serenity. One monk is sweeping the ground, and his brother comes up to him and says, you're too busy. So he's sweeping the ground, right? He's sweeping the ground. Where is he? Is he over here? Is he thinking, I do, I do the sweeping? Or is he over here, being intimate with a broom?

[40:06]

Oh, hi broom, what's happening man, hey, wow, let's do this thing. His brother comes up to him and says, you're too busy, in other words, his brother comes up and accuses him of dualistically sweeping. Okay, I accuse you of thinking that you're sweeping the ground. Then the other brother says, I don't know, I'm not going to walk over here, I'm sorry. The other brother says, you should know, you call me busy, you should know there's somebody who's not busy. Looks like I'm sweeping here, looks like I'm doing karma, looks like I think I can sweep through monastery grounds, but actually, you should know that there's somebody who's not doing anything. So then the other brother who's accusing him of being busy on a power trip over the world of dust says, well then are there two moons, is it a reality of trying to clean the world up and the reality of not trying to do anything? And the first monk raises his broom and says, which world is this, which moon is this, is

[41:11]

this busy or unbusy? And so you can raise your broom, you can raise your hand, and it can look like somebody thinks he's doing something, but also somebody can do intimacy with that, and that intimacy is not doing anything, it's right there. Both worlds are together. This side doesn't see the world, that's up there. So that kind of presence where you're not just present, you're not just like intimate, but also you're intimate with the world of where you're not present, where you're up to all kinds of karmic tricks. You're not like getting yourself out of that world, you're intimate with the ordinary world of where you're not intimate. So if you have any relationships where you're not intimate with people, well, if you do, okay, it's a free country, you don't have to be intimate with everybody. But as a Buddha, you have to be intimate with all your non-intimate relationships.

[42:12]

You have to accept, okay, I'm not intimate with that person, and not run away from your lack of intimacy. Because you can't be intimate with everybody the same way, but you can be intimate with every relationship you have, in its own particular manifestation. That kind of presence is the basic practice that I'm suggesting, which again, in Zen we call it just sitting, or Zazen, just being upright, various names for it, pure presence, pure wisdom, on and on, various names, but basically all the same thing, just it's what's happening. Or it's how things are coming to be right now, intimacy with that. Or simply, the most intimate way to be with what's happening is just what's happening, as I said at the beginning. But you have to give up a lot of side trips in order to be intimate with what's happening.

[43:25]

You have to give up everything, you have to give up past and future, and really pay attention to what's happening. And somebody actually came and talked to me about this, who works right here in the kitchen here at Dazara. Various people in the kitchen have responsibilities in the kitchen. They feel responsible, particularly they feel responsible to the guests, because you know, they know the students have no preferences, but they think, oh the guests, no the guests they have thoughts and preferences, they're not completely enlightened like us. So you can't miss any meals for the guests, right, because they aren't up for that, right? Take good care of the guests, so the guests are inspired, you know, get to their heart through their stomach kind of thing, right? Well, great. So I'm talking to him about how is he going to switch, how is he going to be a good cook and switch from personal power in the kitchen, intimacy with fire, water, vegetables, grains,

[44:35]

you know, and wind and change and people, how do you be intimate with all that and trust that the intimacy will produce good meals? It's a difficult transition. I said, you know, all these people in this world are going to get fed from now until they die, but if you can ever do anything for them from this place, that will make their life worthwhile. I know it's hard to make the transition, but you should cook from this place. You should cook from what's happening and forget about everything else and just see what's happening and see how that tells, that determines the meal. Maybe I said, I don't know what kind of meal it will be, maybe sometime it will be like, maybe you'll say, well, the servers will come in and you say, well, here it is, you know, empty plate. You know, you bring it over to the guests and they say, oh, empty plate. They'll remember that the rest of their lives.

[45:39]

I went to Casa Hara and they brought it in, you know, and they gave it to me. You know, I'll never forget that meal. It gave me inspiration, you know. And you can't do that necessarily over and over. I don't think that's going to happen every meal, but it might happen once. It might happen. And if it comes from here, it will be beautiful. And the guests will be inspired and they can just go eat student food if they want to. Is there any leftovers from the student food? I don't know what this is produced. That's the point. It's not under control. If you come from what's happening, it's not under control. You don't know what the meal will be. You don't know. But that's what we want. We want an uncontrolled reality. That's what we want. I'm just afraid to let go of our control and jump over here and just be devoted to what's ever happening. We don't want it. We don't want this.

[46:41]

It's just got a big habit over here. Big power habit. It's fun. Power is fun. Yes? We have to stop now, Christine. Sorry. Just kidding. But we're going to let you be the waiter that night. You are? Yeah. I didn't. That's out of control. I wasn't planning on that. I was going to be out of town for that meal. It's not a high devotion that you allow people to do that. No. Actually, I'll be the waiter. But could I get a little dharma talk before? Very nice. Could you sit down? Something really special tonight, folks. Yes, Christine? I was wondering if you could say something about the structure or ritual that seems to help actually to not be in a place where you're doing it.

[47:44]

It's like in this tradition. So, we have a ritual. I said this thing of just giving up power and being intimate. We call that just sitting, right? So, we have this ritual we do of going up to the meditation hall or sitting in our rooms or whatever and sitting. But that's a ritual. It's a ceremony. And in some ways it celebrates a sitting that we can't do. We can't do actually sitting still. But we go up there and we do a ceremony of sitting still. And the ceremony of sitting still reminds us about being intimate with what's happening. And if we start sitting up there and we try to use the sitting to get something, we may be sometimes successful and sometimes unsuccessful. But the sitting that we do up there is not just a sitting to make something happen to us or make ourselves a better person.

[48:49]

It's a sitting which is a ceremony. And the ceremony is about not trying to be somebody else. Now, of course, you still sit up there maybe and try to be somebody else, try to be really good meditators. So, that person who is trying to get something is still there. And then that person is also trying to not be that way. So, say, here I am trying to get something out of the sitting and I wish I wasn't that way. Or some people just go up there and try to get to be a better person and they're happy with it. But the ceremony is not about being a gaining idea person. The ceremony is about being somebody who's not trying to get anything. So, you go to this ceremony about not trying to get anything and when you actually feel like you're not getting anything and maybe notice that you're somewhat frustrated that you're not getting anything, at that time the ceremony in some ways is kind of working better than usual.

[49:52]

But not necessarily, you don't have to have that feeling. The point is anyway, when you really sit up there, no matter how you sit, you never do get anything. You never get anything out of anything ever. And that ceremony, people do it over and over. They gradually, or sometimes after one period, or if not after one period, when they tell their friends what they're doing, they find out that they're really wasting their time and nobody understands what they're doing out there, really. So, they make excuses. They say, well, I'm becoming a better person or I'm getting more calm. But some people just don't get that. They say, I don't get it. It seems like you're wasting your time up there. You should be doing this or you should be doing that. No, I am doing some good stuff. Leave me alone. Let me go do that. But then after you don't hear your friends anymore, you kind of realize you're not really getting anything out of it. Then you kind of feel bad. But then you kind of realize, well, that's what this is about.

[50:56]

This is about not getting anything out of life. This is about not getting something out of life. This is about how life is happening. So, ceremony is kind of pointing to that. And the ceremony is really nicely set up because if you do it long enough, you will realize that you're not getting anything out of it. And when you realize you're not getting anything out of it, then the meaning of the ceremony has been realized. You may have to practice for many years before you really, really realize you're not getting anything out of it. So, it isn't that you do the ceremony, you do the ceremonial form and then pop, right away, boom, you get the meaning of the ceremony. The meaning actually is right there, but it's hard to see the meaning because the meaning happens at the same time as the ceremony.

[51:57]

It isn't like you do the ceremony and you walk out and then put it outside the room and you say, here's what it was, that's what it means. The meaning happens right while you're doing it, which is another reason why you don't get anything out of it. It isn't like you do it and then you get something. Doing it is what you get. And that's not getting anything because raising the chalk is what you get. Well, that's not getting anything out of raising the chalk. Breathing is what you get. Living is what you get. Being who you are is what you get. Well, you know, that's what ceremony is about. I do get something out of it. At least I get frustrated. Do you know the British man called Bjorn? He was in California, Bjorn, it's his name. He says B-I-O-N. He's British? Yes, he's British and he says we should approach a psychotic session, a session with the patient, without memory or desire.

[52:59]

Which sounds to me like this. It does. Without memory or desire, yeah. Well, add a little devotion to it. A little devotion, yes. He did not know very much about it. So, total devotion to your patient without memory or desire. However, of course, memory comes up. You remember. Oh, your name is, what's your name again? Rebecca? You know, you remember. But sometimes you forget. But anyway, you remember. I'm trying to remember. No, you don't try to remember and you don't try to forget. You just do forget. You walk in the room, kind of like this, and you go, do you work here? You know, what are you here for? Oh, you're here to see me. Oh, well, sit down. Oh, my God. Now, I projected something to Zip your Usher. You know, he probably really wasn't this way, but he seemed to be that way. It's kind of like, you know, a little bit though, not really that way, just for my projection. He'd be like, get ready to offer incense, you know, and I'm his Jisha, right, so I offer him incense, and he goes, what's that?

[54:00]

What are you doing here? Who are you? Oh, I know who you are. Oh, yeah, I remember you. It's getting late, but I have a story to tell. I'll tell you shortly. I was sitting in a Zen room. It's my first or second Sesshin. Do you know what a Sesshin is? Do you know what a Sesshin is? You don't? It's where you sit. Well, we call Sesshin, Sesshin's a name we call where we sit a lot, like from early in the morning till late at night, lots of period. So if you're a beginner, particularly if you're a beginner, you have trouble physically, especially if you try to sit in full lotus, which is what I was trying to do. Oh, God, so many stories. Anyway, so I went to see Suzuki Roshi and I said to him, you know, if I sit in half lotus, it's not so painful and I can be fairly concentrated, but if I sit in full lotus, it's like my mind

[55:02]

just screaming all the time. And he said, oh, oh, okay, sit in full lotus. So I'm sitting in full lotus. I'm not saying that he would say that to everybody, okay? I was his kid, right? Anyway, so I was sitting there and my screaming, screaming, period after period, screaming, screaming in pain like that. So then I go to Doksan, I go to interview with him and I sit down, cross my legs and I don't know, we chat for a little while and he says, oh, God, I have to go do something. You stay here. So I'm sitting there in full lotus, you know, and it wasn't going for, the pain didn't start instantly, it takes a few minutes to come on. So I was still pretty comfortable with the interview that had been going on for five minutes or something. So he goes upstairs and the interviewer's downstairs and I can hear him going up the stairs, you know, and I can hear him walking down the hall above my head to his office and I can hear his office door open and close and he goes in his office. And then,

[56:05]

and then I hear, there's chanting going on, you know, you know, and that means new service. I hear the new service start. Then I hear the new service end. Then I hear the silence that I know means the beginning of lunch. So then lunch starts. I don't know what he's doing, but anyway, then lunch starts. And then, and then lunch goes on. And I'm sitting there, right? What am I doing? I'm listening. Different events occur. I'm pretty much just sitting there. I'm a little, after a while I start getting a little bit amazed because I've been sitting there for quite a while and I notice there's no pain. Where'd the pain go? Anyway, and lunch goes on, on and on. And then it ends, I hear it end. And I hear all, you know, I hear his door open and he goes outside and I hear all the, all the other monks, you know, going out of the, out of the zendo, down the hall for a long break. Then after all, they're all gone,

[57:06]

I hear them all gone and it's all quiet around the temple. I hear his door open and I hear him, like, on the hall, down the stairs, you know. And I think, you know, what has he done, you know, this little trick, trick me out of my pain. It's amazing, you know. So he, he opens the door and he goes, oh! Are you, oh, oh, oh. He really seemed like he forgot that I was there. It was not a trick. He just forgot, I think, pretty much. We sat down, then we had dōsan and that went on for a little while and then it ended and then I left, you know. And so, that's a therapy session, right? Devotion forgot me and no desire. You know, and I learned something. I learned something amazing. I don't know what I learned, but I learned something. And that there's no ceremony,

[58:08]

right? That will provide a situation to learn. So the ceremony, it isn't that, it isn't exactly that the ceremony is the thing, but that if you put, if you're devoted to the ceremony, the meaning comes to meet your devotion. It's not that these ceremonies are sitting there and there's this meaning in the middle. When you bring your life to the ceremony, the meaning comes up out of there. Not by control. When you first try to control the ceremony, I guess some people try to do that. You do the ceremony, you try to do it well, but you don't try to do it well in a controlling way. And some people do try to do the ceremonies well in a controlling way and I keep forgetting about doing it that way. So, put in that in breath and then try yeah, huh? And then try and control the ceremony. To count your breath? Yeah. You can do it that way or not do it that way. You can do the ceremony without trying to control it.

[59:08]

You can do the ceremony like, like somebody can say okay, build my ceremony and you say okay, you go to the ceremony and you walk in and say oh, a ceremony! You know? And also you can like be sitting there and suddenly you find yourself counting your breath. There you are. One, one. Find yourself counting your breath but just like surprised. Not like trying to control yourself or control your life but just you're counting your breath without trying to control it. It can happen that way. You can count your breath from here. You can serve lunch from here. You can also not count your breath from here and you can also not serve lunch from here. It seems when you when you're saying you're somewhat passive in that and I know you're not a passive person so I think that's just something that it seems when you're accepting when you're facing as they are you sort of give up the hope that you're going to make that you can make them better and yet and yet you didn't

[60:10]

do that with your wife. You actually you wouldn't call it control you said devotion but it isn't a certain amount of self-deception because you change your behavior to have a better interaction with her. You didn't it seems to me you didn't accept and face up to the fact that you weren't a good husband or whatever she brought you at the time. That was the reality for you at the time you were intimate with that fact but you didn't change this. You did something. You weren't passive. Maybe I'm misunderstanding but No, I wasn't passive. You're right. I wasn't. Isn't that a certain amount of self-deception? Why? Because you are changing because you're not accepting the reality that she you're not facing things as they are facing as they are was her perception of you in that state. You did something about that. You just didn't accept it. Oh, you didn't think I accepted it? I think I accepted it. But you did something about it. Yeah, but if you tell me I'm a jerk it doesn't mean I don't accept it

[61:10]

if I if I listen to you. Listening to you isn't very jerky right? If you tell me I'm a jerk and I punch you immediately that's kind of like in terms of a jerk right? Maybe it should be better if you call me instead of a jerk you call me a puncher and then you call me a puncher and I punch you well that's pretty much the same thing right? I don't know. I took away what you said that you're accepting that you are and you sort of give up the hope of changing things maybe that's wrong. If you want to change things then you're into the karma thing if you want to change things you might be into the karma thing right? Right, that doesn't seem the place to be because it is painful but then you have sort of a passive existence right? Well, what if what if not so much you want to change things what if you just want to be happy without changing anything? Like I want to be happy isn't necessarily changing anything I might be happy now

[62:11]

and I might and again I might be happy now and want to be happy without desire and without what's the other thing? memory without memory I might not even be able to remember that I'm happy I might want to be rev without remembering that I'm happy or any desire to be rev I might actually really want to be rev wholeheartedly without any desire to be rev and also accept that I'm rev and also forget that I'm rev all that's possible so I can accept that I haven't been a very good husband and hear from my wife that I could do something which would be totally cool and say I'd like to do that you can be in the middle of a fight with somebody and trying to prove you're right and the person can say to you do you want to be right? or do you want to be in love? you might say I want to be in love okay let's do that then without some idea about I want to change I want to stop being you know into this right trip you don't have to get it doesn't have to go that way

[63:13]

there are there is such a thing as freedom which means you can try things a lot of different ways so if you're if you're a low grade husband and and and your wife tells you about some really cool way to be you don't necessarily to tell you the truth I was not to tell you the truth in my case I was not so much into I accepted that I wasn't a very good husband but I was not so much into not being the way I was I didn't want to like stop being me but but sometimes you can keep being you and do something really cool you never did before like sometimes you the jerk can do something like totally transcend yourself without even trying to change yourself you just do something really neat you never did before like Scrooge Scrooge didn't really you know he just suddenly wanted to give he didn't for a while there maybe he was trying to be a better person not be such a miser but at a certain point he just wanted to give and he saw how neat that would be you have a look

[64:14]

on your face like you don't understand I don't what don't you understand I guess I'm sort of stuck with Gary and you're being that accepting the way they are seems to me to imply that you sort of do give up the whole willingness to or the you're right you're right when you accept things the way they are when you accept things the way they are but not just accept them but when you're intimate with things the way they are at that moment you do give up wanting to change them if you want to change them you're not intimate with them if I'm intimate with you I give up wanting you to be different okay you're right and what I'm saying to you is that when I'm intimate with a person I do and do not want them to be the slightest bit different from what they are from that intimacy comes a total change

[65:15]

in the way of life if you're with things and want them to change you're not you're holding back you're saying well I'll be with you but you know really I wish you were a little bit different I wish you were a little taller and I wish you were a girl you know it's not really being intimate with you that's actually kind of like not respecting you not appreciating you and not seeing how cute you are okay it's like not really being intimate with you but when I'm intimate with you there's no idea of wanting you to change I'm just intimate with you as you are and from that intimacy everything changes so I'm saying if you really want to change like from one world to the other from the world of misery to the world of happiness then get intimate with the world of misery and it's the intimacy with it is a totally different way totally different way of life so intimacy with this is this freedom

[66:17]

is to be intimate with what's happening without trying to be free of it and you can say it's active or passive it's really not active or passive it's just being with what is if things are active you're with what's active if things are passive you're with what's passive it's that you're with what's happening rather than you're doing this or that you're doing this or that but that's not the practice the practice is being with it completely without any kind of make it last or make it stop but this being with it is the end of this world this being with it is completely free of this world it's a change which is not just a change within this world it's a change to a whole different world it's a big change which comes to you when you stop trying to change things when you switch from trying to change things to loving things that's a big change and then we think well I'd like to switch from trying to change things to loving things like I'd like to switch from changing this from this into a dinner I'd like to make the switch

[67:18]

but what will happen if I do will dinner happen but didn't you change your behavior to make your style more acceptable to your wife I mean that's you changed I changed but my attitude was not to try to change my attitude was to be devoted I didn't think of it as me making a change I thought I'll just do this devotion thing that just came that just happened when I accepted and was intimate with the fact of what a lousy husband I was take a lousy husband who accepts that he's a lousy husband and is intimate with being a lousy husband he becomes a good husband first of all he becomes not as bad as he was before then he becomes you know pretty good then he becomes good then he becomes the best and then he becomes in danger to slip back you know because there's nowhere to go but down from here yes well isn't it it's the process of when she said it was beautiful and he said it was a bad way

[68:19]

and she said it was beautiful and you just simply accept her perception she has a perception of it different and then devotion because when you're devoted to someone you don't have a change it's okay but they say it was beautiful and you can agree with their perception and that's devotion well your story my devotion to you I would say your story is a nice story but that's not my story my story is it isn't that I had a perception first of all this wasn't about us it was about some other couple it was about another couple but when she watched that she told me I should learn but let's say I learned that so I say this is blah blah and she says no it's the opposite so that's her perception and I'm devoted to her and I'm devoted to her perception but I'm also devoted to my perceptions but that doesn't necessarily mean that you now see people as you thought exactly I do not I do not see things the way my wife sees me almost ever okay the devotion however the devotion is that I just

[69:20]

I just give up it isn't that I change my perception I have a perception like I have a perception of you but I can give it up and if you said to me you know I really appreciate if you give up your perception of me in devotion to you I'd say fine I'll give it up it's the flexibility that was the example she was saying be flexible you know don't hold your position in conversation she said you should do that so I said okay I tried it and it's great it's more fun the flexibility is more fun than holding on in any position in most situations some people have some positions they like so much that they think giving this up couldn't be as good as holding on but giving up is always better than holding on besides it's right besides it's right besides it's right so it was the giving it up and the flexibility that was she was asking me to do but I didn't change my perception what happens if you hold on and cannot be able to get it what happens

[70:20]

let's see how would that be tell me about that I think I think yeah let's say you're over here you're not devoted okay so from here over here you're devoted to this person who's not devoted okay like let's say you're Ebenezer Scrooge who's not devoted to anybody right right it was devotion to Ebenezer that freed him so if you're if you're a miser if you don't care about people what you need is devotion if your mind's a mess what it needs is devotion did you say step away no don't step away don't step away well he got some perspective that's true he got to see himself from different angles yeah yeah and part of devotion

[71:49]

to others is to pay attention to them and study them watch them carefully give them your attention that's part of devotion and also part of devotion might be not to give them your attention if they don't want it devotion is not a fixed thing that's why it's so wonderful you know the customer is always right comes into play anyway I'm sorry I talked too long now you talk we talk thank you

[72:19]

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