The focus of tranquility practice, or calm abiding, is classically defined as an undifferentiated object, and another way that term is translated is a non-conceptual object. And, so, you don't look in tranquility meditation, you're not looking at many things, looking

[01:22]

at one thing, undifferentiated object. So in the midst of various things happening, like now I'm looking and seeing many faces, and hearing some variety of sounds, so I'm not particularly focusing on the variety of faces and the variety of sounds in tranquility practice. I'm actually, in a sense, I'm paying attention to the way the mind deals with all objects, namely, it just knows them without any elaboration, any conceptual elaboration.

[02:35]

So, there's Elena's face, and Fred's face, and Nancy's face, with her hands on her chin, and then she raised her hand and put it back on her chin. Did you want to say something, Nancy? I'm not sure it's the right time. Pardon? I'm not sure it's the right time. Okay. So, it's sometimes called a non-conceptual object, but actually the object is, in a sense, a concept. It's the concept of not elaborating on any object of awareness. And this is not to stop yourself from elaborating, but rather to attend to not elaborating.

[03:53]

Even if you're elaborating, you're attending to not elaborating. Okay. So, there's conceptuality, which really means non-conceptual elaboration, which is the way mind knows things, it just knows them and that's it. Attending to this, the mind is stabilized in this kind of attention, as the attention is trained in this way, to pay attention to this quality of mind.

[04:56]

The mind is stabilized. So, a shama does not like actually to try to focus on something. Okay. Even though I maybe set a focus of attention, and this quality of mind is present every moment, so somehow learning to attend to it is calming and stabilizing. And not only stabilizing, but relaxing and softening, making the mind more flexible.

[05:58]

So, usually the mind is aware of like this face, that face and that face, but if there's not this kind of stability, there's some rigidity or some inflexibility of moving from face to face, or feeling to feeling. So the mind is somewhat unwieldy and has trouble adapting because it's stiff and heavy, and tired and... Stuck? Well, kind of stuck, yeah, kind of like... Being rigid is kind of like being stuck. And upset. And that's partly because the attention is on elaborating everything, you know, fixing everything, adjusting everything, trying to control everything.

[07:08]

So that's very tiring and heavy. Whereas attending to this non-elaborative meeting with everything is relaxing, it makes the mind buoyant, flexible, and so on. It makes the mind ready and willing for whatever wholesome, whatever skillful opportunities that might be at hand. Before when you mentioned these two people dying, they seem to be in a room in general more... really? Is that what you mean? In the final, the last item, when someone dies,

[08:14]

is there something that... There's some richness that comes from there. It seems like it would be a rich topic to talk about. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Pardon? Just kind of have a feeling of being on the same page. Would you like to talk about it? Is there anything you'd like to say at this time? It's kind of like the... It's kind of like the... I think about it often.

[09:23]

Pardon? It just seemed like something I might be... Yes? I find it very... Yes? I find it very... Yes? I don't want to ask about attachment to significant others. You would like to ask about attachment... to significant others.

[10:30]

So I think that maybe there's a common theme. We've been talking about attachment. And I haven't had the courage to ask something that all of them probably know, or any relationship. Well, how can you be in a relationship if you're not supposed to attach? People want it. And then I thought, well, there's the courage to ask that question. So I'm going to... Somehow it seems to go with death and birth. Yeah. Somehow it goes with death and birth. Like, does it take them to really love someone? Pardon? Like, does it take them to really love someone and want to be with them all the time? Like, going steady and that kind of stuff? Yeah. Well, going steady is part of Zen practice. Yes. So, anyway, going steady is part of Zen practice,

[11:49]

but you can't have the going steady. You don't get to have it. So... My experience is that there was a time when I was attached to somebody, a significant other, and then things changed. And that was hard. Matter of fact, I didn't know if I could go on. But I did. As you can see. That was like 40 years ago that happened. And then I...

[12:54]

A few months after that dark night, when I almost didn't survive, I decided to do a ceremony. A ceremony of letting go. So, I asked her if I could come and see her. And she said, okay. So I did. I had to take a bus trip to go visit her. So I took a bus ride to where she was. She was... She just started college. And I went to see her. And I did a ceremony of letting go. I spent some number of hours with her. And all the time I was with her, I said to myself, I release you. I let go of you. I let go of you. I didn't say I hate you. I didn't say anything negative. I just said,

[13:54]

I let go of you. I release you. I release you. I wanted to release her, and I said so. And the more I said it, the more normal she started looking. The more she started looking like the other people were walking around. And by the time I left, she looked kind of like an ordinary young woman. Kind of cute. Nice figure. But anyway, kind of normal. I got in the bus and rode back to Minneapolis. And I felt good. Pretty relieved. I was a little sore from the from having formed that attachment and having this attachment get moved. It's kind of like, you know, having your organs moved around. There's some soreness.

[14:56]

But the question is, do you want to let go? Do you want to let go of the adhesions of the organs to other parts? And I did. And I did. And I did. And I didn't lose anything. I just let go of what was changing. And I'm still good friends with her after 40 years. We've had this 40-year friendship. And then each relationship I had after that, I attached less and [...] less. And I found that the less I attach, the more I can be devoted. The more I can be devoted. My first relationship I didn't even have the concept of devotion.

[15:57]

So I find that attachment, you can be attached to somebody and devoted, like certainly a lot of mothers are like totally attached to their babies and totally devoted. Except I take back totally devoted. I would say monumentally devoted, tremendously devoted, but not 100%. I would say that the attachment cuts into the 100% because attachment makes you stiff. And sometimes what you should do for your child is interfered with, not by your devotion itself, but by your attachment. You can't see. You know, sometimes it might be good for your child to go away from you, to be taken away from you. It might be good for somebody else to take care of your child. But if you're attached, you might not be able to tolerate that. Of course, some

[17:05]

mothers or fathers, even though they're somewhat attached in their devotion, they still might be able to see that it would be good for the child to not be anywhere near them sometimes for various reasons. Like if you had a contagious disease, you might be able to see, well, I shouldn't be near my child now. But some people have something like that, you know, less clear, that they really should be away from their child for a while. Like, for example, they could be really angry or something, anyway. But if you're attached, sometimes you can't see what you would do if you weren't attached and you were devoted. So, I think Zen is basically no attachment unless it's really good for the other person. And if it's good for the other person, you be attached. But usually attachment interferes with your devotion to being. So, that's my feeling of my last 40 years,

[18:06]

that I've become less attached to people and more devoted to them, which allows me to be very happy. And so, all these people come into my life, I'm devoted to, and they can change. They can get less enlightened, more enlightened. They can leave me and not say thank you. And I don't get angry for all my devotion, totally unacknowledged, because I'm not attached. Of course, if I am attached, I'm not saying 100% not attached, but if I am attached, then you know, if I give and [...] people say, you know, I don't know what, anyway, try to hurt me, if I'm attached,

[19:07]

I might have trouble relaxing with that. So Zen is all about love, but Zen is not just about love, it is about pure love. And pure love means whatever helps people. So if dirty love would help them, dirty love. Whatever benefits beings, that you can give, because your love is purified of the separateness of the significant other. And also, non-attachment to this person and devotion with this person doesn't interfere with non-attachment to that person and devotion to that person. That's my experience. How could it be good? How could it be good? Like that.

[20:11]

Like, relax, and don't try to ungrip how dirty love could be good. Relax. Okay. Dirty love is good. I didn't say dirty love was good. I said it could be. What's dirty love? What's dirty love? Attachment. That's what I used to say. Okay, fine. That is the dirtiest thing of all. That's why. What? That's why I thought it was attachment. You're right. You got it. I mean, that's the basic dirt is attachment. It's like, okay, it's like, you know, here we are. Hi. It's like this. Here's my grandson, right? He goes... Okay, that's my grandson.

[21:34]

Got it? Get the picture? Huh? Okay, that's... And then what do you do with that guy? What's dirty love? You go... What could be dirtier? What could be dirtier? My little guy. Vampirism. What could be dirtier? Attachment. Rather than... Just appreciate this fantastic, you know, like... Don't tighten up. Let it in. Let this little, this big, this... Let it in. You're right. You got it. That's dirty love. However, there's something good about dirty love, too. There's something good about attachment. There's something good about codependence.

[22:38]

There's something good about addiction. There's something good about everything. Everything. Everything. There's something good about murder. There's something good about everything. And if you tense up and you can't see something good about everything, well, what I have to say to you is relax, relax. If you tighten up around those nasty things like murder, you is not going to be able to help the murderer and the murderee or the murdered. Relax. The bodhisattva, the bodhisattva really truly is the one who has a mind which does not settle on things, so if you're not attached then you can like see something good about attachment. Sometimes everybody needs a bodhisattva, sometimes everybody might need a bodhisattva to get real deluded and bodhisattva would say

[23:43]

Do you understand now, Brent? Say yes. Flexible. Say yes. Yes. Yes. No. No. No. Okay, Marioka? Got it? Now, some people say, you know, please be attached to me. I say fine. Any newcomers to this discussion? Because Jimmy's got his hand, he's going to get it if you don't.

[24:55]

Well, I haven't finished. Oh, you haven't finished? No. Really? Is that okay, Jimmy? If she's not finished? It might be okay for you to be attached. It might be okay for a bodhisattva. Do I recommend attachment? I don't recommend attachment to anybody and also don't recommend non-attachment. I'm just telling you that non-attachment is the way of the bodhisattva. I'm not recommending bodhisattva, but if you want to be a bodhisattva then that's the name of the game, non-attachment. The mind enliven the mind that doesn't abide any place. That's it. But I'm not recommending this to you. You have to beg me to let you into the bodhisattva club. If you really want to get in, you can get in, but I'm not asking you to come into this club. You want to come in?

[25:58]

That's why I asked you. I thought, if you say it's okay to be, I sort of, I see that you kind of like my mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're welcome. That's also a calming mind. It calms too. This calms. Okay? Yeah, look how flexible you are. Okay. There's the opportunity to become unattached to the condition of being attached.

[27:05]

Right. And then once you can inhabit that and relax into that, then things change. But you're not necessarily doing it. You're not changing this. Right. Right. Yeah, so we have this practice called confession. I confess attachment. I confess attachment. I'm attached. Like, again, like my grandson. I took him to the park yesterday. These boys are playing ball, and he goes over to the boys, these big boys, you know, he goes over to them, he goes, They're looking down at this little person, reaching up, and they give him the ball. They stop playing, you know. It has nothing to do with the fact that this Zen priest is standing there saying this. No, it didn't, it didn't. They're just like, he just goes, he walks over to them and he goes, he looks, and then he walks over, and they give him the ball.

[28:09]

But then a few minutes later, he's not attached, because he's relaxed. When he goes over like this, he's just completely relaxed about that, you know. Completely relaxed about wanting that ball. Like, he's relaxed. Totally relaxed with it. It's there, you know. It's there all the time. So, that's like that story, Case 21, the Book of Serenity. There's a busy one, a tense one, the one who's trying to get something. And you should know the unbusy one's right there too, all the time. They're right there together. But we have this practice called confessing, I'm tense. I'm tense. I'm not relaxed. I'm attached. I got that over with. Oh, again, I'm attached.

[29:15]

Here I go. Attached, attached, attached, attached. So, I'm just feeling how I've felt about now, and the sense of loss, and joy. And it feels like the attachment to these people brings up this sense of loss, and it feels too much. So, that's why the attachment seems helpful. I feel this loss of something that I have. Trying to get it out. A loss of something that I have. And then I get to look at it.

[30:23]

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So, you're saying this is one of the benefits of attachment? So, one of the benefits of attachment is that it's painful. Funny, huh? How that works. One of the benefits of birth and death is that it's painful. Mm-hmm.

[31:38]

But even though it's painful, even though attachment is painful, still, bodhisattvas don't attach to attachment, or pain, or pleasure, or anything. And the attachment they have is only a response to beings needing them to be attached. And beings sometimes do need somebody to be attached, so that they can learn about attachment. Because bodhisattvas have to learn about attachment. Is creation the opposite of attachment? Is creation on the other end of the spectrum from attachment?

[33:04]

I think it's something like that, but I think it's more like when you're with the creation, you can't attach. When creation is in your face, you can't figure out a way to attach. Because you can't see any kind of grasping point. Because like when I reach for you, I get a dead George. So I can't get a hold of you. When I reach for you and get creation rather than Nancy, then I get George, and Hal, and everybody else. So then I can't get Nancy. And so non-attachment goes with creation,

[34:10]

and attachment goes with not seeing creation. Seeing creation is awakening. Seeing creation is seeing dependent co-arising. Seeing dependent co-arising is seeing Dharma, is seeing Buddha. Seeing fixed things isolated, then you can attach to things. So as a matter of fact, when you do see isolated things, when the mind sees isolated things, it can't help but attach. So like one side of us sees isolated things, and as soon as you see isolated things, there's just attachment. Another part of us can see un-isolated, interdependence, and then there's no grasping, just incapable of it. Because it doesn't go, it's just like totally frustrated.

[35:11]

It doesn't even come up. So I would say creation is the opposite of things. Not the opposite, but it's the other side of things. So attachment goes with things, independent things, and non-attachment goes with creation. And so letting go of attachment, we enter into creation. Attaching, we don't see creation. Seeing creation, we understand the truth. Would you speak up please? Yeah, I thought about what you said about respect the last few times, and how to think about attachment and creation,

[36:14]

and how to get respect from the self. So it basically means there has to be some respect. And there's a difference between the respect of creation, and the respect of things in the world. So things that come together, I can put that together. So respect and love can go together, and devotion and love can go together, and attachment and love can go together, but attachment and respect don't really go together. So respect is more like non-attachment. It's possible, not just possible, but respect is one of the purifying factors with love. You can appreciate someone and still not respect them.

[37:16]

When you respect them too, your appreciation is purified. That's it. Sometimes people just appreciate somebody to death, so to speak, but they don't respect them. You're the good little woman, you're just the most wonderful little woman we have here, we love you, and you just stay right there and be that. They just love you, but they don't see more than this thing they love, and you better be careful to not get out of that thing. So that's what a lot of what the patriarch is about, is to keep women in these lovable little boxes, and just pour appreciation on them in that little container. And for their own good, push them back in,

[38:21]

if they should ever try to get out into the unappreciated areas, like being a smelly, aggressive being. This is not good. For your own good, you stay back there. You know, I miss the people that love me, and like, appreciate me, and have their own peace and love. It's good to be loved, but it's not. I just hope that you do the same for them. Stop. But I'll come and get you if you fall in, don't worry.

[39:32]

I'll come and get you if you fall in. You're not prohibited from falling in this pit, but be careful. Ah, yeah, I know, you're about to fall in again. I'm right here. I want you to know what you do this time. The kitty cat has changed, as you know, quite a bit. So now it's time for you to change, too. Are you ready? Huh? Hmm.

[40:47]

This way we appreciate so much. It's disrespectful. It's total appreciation, but it's disrespectful. So, it's not really total appreciation. It's total appreciation within these horizons, but it's not respectful. Because if you look again, you see that she actually is not limited by those perspectives, by those qualities. I was watching the same thing happening with my intramuscular visual. Yes. Looking at a man's name, because you're an author, looking at a lot of sad beauty. And I can feel myself starting to kind of, like, want to hang on to the sad beauty.

[41:57]

And then, I stay with it, and then after the other stretch, I'm like, love and appreciation for all kinds of other things. But, oh, well, it's not like that. It happens, but it's not like that. When somebody, like... When a great being changes a lot, so-called dies, sometimes we kind of, like, don't get with the program of them dying. In other words, we, on some level, are attached to them, are grasping them, even though they've changed. And then, if we're healthy, we get sad. But the point of the sadness is to help us let go of this wonderful person.

[43:02]

Not this wonderful person, but let go of this thing we've lost. That's the point of the sadness. And then, if we accept the sadness, then all these other wonderful things come to us, rather than fixating on the loss, we realize all this fresh stuff that's coming. It's like letting go. Well, letting go of the sadness means you feel the sadness. So, sadness is a gift to help you let go of what you should let go of. The attachment's dragging you down, so the sadness says, Here, feel this. If you accept the sadness, you let go of the sadness. Letting go of the sadness, you can see the sadness and feel the sadness.

[44:09]

When you let go of the sadness, which means you feel the sadness, then you let go of the attachment, which is hard to feel sometimes, because some of our attachments are subconscious, sub-conceptual consciousness. And then, when you let go of the sadness, which means when you feel the sadness, because that's what sadness is there for, then you get a fresh life. You get now, so-called. Which is, each thing you can have it, feel it, and grab it.

[45:09]

Yes. Yes. Yes, right. That's why we say, grasping is death, and seeking is birth. So, grasping and seeking are birth and death. But there's something good about birth and death. What's good about birth and death? Life. Well, yeah, life, but not just life, but Buddha life. Because birth and death are life too. But birth and death bring Buddha, which is life. Not birth and death life. But no birth, no death comes to meet birth and death. But the place they meet is attachment and non-attachment.

[46:16]

If you want to know about birth and death, attachment. If you want to know about Buddha, non-attachment. But non-attachment is never anyplace else but attachment. Because Buddha, which is non-attachment, is inseparable from sentient beings who are attachment. Buddha, which is not seeking, is inseparable from sentient beings who are seeking. So anyway, seems to me we've got enough seeking and grasping. Got that down. Now what we need to do is bring the non-grasping and the non-seeking to meet it intimately. Then we've got the Buddha side to meet the sentient being side. Question from the audience.

[47:24]

Right. Like my lawn around my house. I have a passion for it. And the gophers make these mounds of dirt and rocks on my lawn. So I have to go look at the mound and say, Ah, mound. Buddha Dharma. So I have a passion for the lawn, which is what brings my attention to the mound. Some people would just say, wouldn't even notice the mound. But I, since I like this grass, green surface, I notice the brown, rocky pile on the green because I have this passion for the green. And I go over and I deal with this mound. I keep saying to myself, everything that comes is Buddha Dharma. Don't go to the hardware store.

[48:27]

No need to go to hardware store. We have plenty of Buddha Dharma here. Little mountains of Buddha Dharma growing up.

[48:53]

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