How does it go? Tell me a story. Tell me a story. Tell me a story. You promised that you would. Really? So I promise... I didn't exactly promise to tell the story, but I sort of promised to give a commentary on the story to Jackie. And I know some of you have been having sleepless nights wondering when it was going to happen. I've been looking for an opportunity, but I couldn't see one, so I thought I'd just tell it when there's not an opportunity. I've heard that Matsu taught all of you here believe that your mind is Buddha.

[01:14]

This very mind is Buddha. Supposedly said something like that in Chinese. And then His disciples for generations repeated this teaching. You like that buzzing? Hear the buzzing? Nice, huh? So, Matsu taught that mind, itself is Buddha. Yes? You wonder if everyone can hear? Can everyone hear? When I said mind itself is Buddha? I can yell. It's the last talk on the Sushina. I can just yell the whole time.

[02:17]

it's worse with the buzzing yeah so one time I came to Tassajara actually I I don't know if I was leading the practice period or what but anyway I hadn't been to Tassajara for a while and I came down and I gave a talk and it was raining really hard so I was yelling and afterwards Catherine Sanders said are you mad at us all of you here Believe that your mind is Buddha. So then later a monk asked Matsu, Master, why do you say that mind is Buddha? And Matsu said, to stop babies crying. Seems to be working. And then the monk said, what do you say when they stop crying?

[03:32]

And Matsu said, no mind, no Buddha. The story goes on, but I'm going to stop there for now. And maybe if there's time, I'll go back to the rest of it. So Jackie wanted to commentary on that. And I have a really I don't know what to say. Kind of dumpy commentary to make. Uh, so mind itself is Buddha, okay? That's basically saying, I'm just going to quote the sutra, right? Mind itself is Buddha is saying what? What am I going to say? Uh, Yeah, it's a sky hook. That's right. It's a sky hook to help children stop crying.

[04:33]

But in terms of the sutra, it's saying that mind, which is... What's mind? Mind is what? What is mind? It is the other dependent character. Mind is the other dependent character, right? Did you know that? Mind... Like mind, like all things, is other dependent character. In Yogacara, all things are actually not separate from mind. So mind is Buddha. But it's Buddha in terms of saying that Buddha... It started out by saying Buddha... The first teaching is for crying people. The first teaching is what's Buddha? Buddha is the other dependent character. It's the other dependent character, which is known through strongly adhering to it as being the invitational character.

[05:39]

So when you hear the teaching that mind is Buddha, you're hearing that, well, and Buddha, of course, is a dependent co-arising too. But first of all, you're hearing that Buddha is a dependent co-arising, which is the other dependent character of phenomena. And you can meditate on that. And that's the first teaching that Buddha gives in the sutra. First you meditate on the other dependent character of consciousness. That's your first entree to Buddha. And not only that, but since then, when you look at the other dependent character, like the mind, your experience of your mental experience, your conscious experience, your conscious experience, your conscious experience, conscious experience, you're having conscious experiences all the time. And the way they appear to you is the imputational character. So what's actually happening is the other dependent character in your mind, or the mind itself, is what's happening.

[06:44]

And the way you see it is by grasping it as the imputational character. However, this first instruction is accessible to language. The other dependent character is accessible. Language. Language can reach you. So Buddha can say, this thing, this mind that you're experiencing moment after moment, that's Buddha. This gives you access to Buddha. Direct. Through language, which is a direct false way to Buddha. But it stops you crying. Basically, you stop crying. There's a little sniffling afterwards, but basically it's just, it's just, you basically stop crying. You become a virtuous person when you meditate on this, as the sutra says. Okay? And then after you stop crying, then Buddha says, no mind, no Buddha.

[07:46]

Then he teaches you, well, this access which I gave you to Buddha through your experience is actually overlaid by its imputational character. And if you see what's happening in the absence of that, you don't see mind or Buddha. So that's the next thing I teach you in the sutra. So, this kind of dumpy commentary is just to say, basically, this is interpreting Master's comments directly in line with what's taught in the Sutra. First teach the dependent co-arising, the other dependent character phenomena. When people meditate on that, they stop crying. Then, based on settling down, becoming virtuous, getting over most of your neurosis, then you hear the profound teaching which is that there's no mind and no Buddha.

[08:49]

It doesn't mean that they don't exist, it just means they're totally inaccessible to mind and Buddha. Do not reach mind and Buddha. So we start by teaching conventional truth, in other words, Conventional truth is Buddha is mind. Mind is Buddha. Your mental experience is conventional truth, which is dependent core arising mixed up with your imagination, which is part of your dependent core arising. That's conventional reality. The essence which is projected onto the scene, that's not conventional truth. That totally doesn't exist. But the way things appear in this confused situation is conventional truth.

[09:57]

And that mind is Buddha for starters. Then, when you get settled in that practice, then you can be taught ultimate truth, which is the absence of the instruction which you received by which you could practice meditation on mind as Buddha or the pinnacle arising. I thought I might also just mention something I've always enjoyed. Dogen wrote a little poem about this. And it's translated in this way. Mind itself is Buddha. Practice is difficult. Explanation is not difficult. Not mind, not Buddha.

[11:03]

Actually, I think not-mine-not-Buddha is better than no-mine-no-Buddha. Come to think of it. I think not-mine-not-Buddha is better. Buddha is mind, Buddha is not mind, and is not Buddha. Because if we say no-mine-no-Buddha, then we have to have an expensive commentary on what no means. So forget that. Okay, not mind, not Buddha. Explanation is difficult. Practice is not difficult, as you know so well. Okay, so again, the dumpy commentary on that commentary is practice, mind itself is Buddha, practice is difficult, but And what's the reason why the practice is difficult?

[12:06]

What am I gonna say? This one, this one you should know, really. Diana, tell them. It's difficult to see the other dependent directly. That's right, Diana. Should've said it louder, but... You gotta learn to speak loudly in the next few days. Mind itself is Buddha. Practice is difficult. The practice is difficult because, as Diana says, it's difficult to see the other dependent directly. In other words, the practice, which has another dependent character, it's a dependent co-arising, it's difficult to see the practice directly. So how can you do the practice if you can't see it? Practice is all infused with conventional designation.

[13:10]

I mean, your mind's all confused with conventional designation. Very hard to practice when you're practicing in the realm of mind itself as Buddha. So that's an instruction for your linguistic consciousness. So how are you going to practice when your consciousness is all messed up with words and the words are a mess? It's hard to practice. Not impossible, just hard. So when you practice from the point of view of this nice instruction, mind itself is Buddha, mind is a dependent core arising, your mind is fraught with conventional designations, so the practice is hard. However, the explanation is not hard, it's not difficult. Why is that? That's really easy. Huh? What? What? Who said something? Words, yeah, you've got the words. So you can talk, you can explain it, because it's explainable.

[14:14]

You've got an explainable version. You've got a teaching which has been explained to you, so it's easy to explain it. Well, it's not easy, it's not difficult. You've got words. It takes a little exercise, but you can explain it. It's not so hard, because it's linguistically accessible. this practice of mind itself as Buddha. It's not so difficult to explain, but quite difficult to practice. People can practice it. There are extremely complicated explanations of how to practice it, and they are found in the next chapter. Chapter 8 explains how to do the practice of mind itself as Buddha, and then it even explains how to do the practice of taking off the signs of Buddha and mind. It tells you, explains to you how to move over to not mind, not Buddha. It explains to you. Very complicated. It's difficult to practice Chapter 8. But the explanation is actually not that difficult.

[15:18]

Difficult to understand it and put it into practice. That's the hard part. But it's actually, you can read it word by word. The next part is not mind, not Buddha. Now the explanation is rather difficult because you're talking about something that you can't talk about. So, in fact, you can't really explain. You can't explain it. You can talk all you want. Your words are not going to reach it. No words are going to reach not mind. No mind is going to reach not mind. And no Buddha is going to reach not Buddha. But you can try. It's difficult, though. However, the practice is not difficult. Because the practice is not... is not what? Huh? Wrong. The practice is not... Huh? It's not conceptual.

[16:19]

You can't have any difficulty. There's no way. It's linguistically inaccessible. You can't have a hard time dropping off body and mind. You can't have a hard time just sitting. You can't have a hard time being assisted by all beings to realize the original face. It's really not hard. But explaining it, that's virtually difficult. So that's my dumpy commentary on that. OK, Jackie, are you happy now? I thought you would be. Was that a good commentary? Kind of dumpy, huh? I've heard that before somewhere.

[17:20]

Now I'd like to go back. to the beginning of the practice period, I think it was like the beginning of the practice period, like the first talk, I think in the first talk, or in the dining room maybe, or someplace here at Tathāsār, I talked about how the practice of the Buddha ancestors, the practice of Buddha ancestors, zazen, is not something that a person does by herself. Practice is actually the way you are living through the support of all beings. And the Buddhas are practicing together with you and the way you are practicing is the way you are living together with the Buddhas. That's the practice. Now, if you think the practice is the way you're practicing not together with the Buddhas, that's your idea.

[18:25]

But I suggested that that's not the practice of the Buddhas. That the practice of the Buddhas is the practice you're doing together with everybody and all the Buddhas. That's what I say. And you all agreed with me at that time, right? Why not? Sounds good, doesn't it? So that's what I propose as the practice of the Buddhas, is that it's the practice that you're doing together with everybody... all living beings and all Buddhas, to practice the way you are practicing with all them and the way they are practicing with all you, that is your practice. That's your Buddha practice. Remember me saying that towards the beginning? Now I'm coming back to that again at the end. Because that's the, what do you call it, that's the touchstone of the tradition coming through this person we call Eihei Dogen Daisho.

[19:28]

He was big on this way of practice. Talked about it a lot. So he called this way of practice the self-fulfilling samadhi. So, someone said to me recently, how can I help people something like that or how can I help people here and I came back with how can I receive people's help or in other words rather than think about how you can help people think about not how they help you, because how they help you is dualistic like how you help them.

[20:35]

You can help them, yes, they can help you, but that's somewhat dualistically put. I think it's less dualistic to say how can you receive the help How they're helping you is inconceivable. It's not dualistic. The way people are helping you, at least in the deepest and most important way, the way people are helping you is not dualistic. It's not one-directional. So I think if you want to help, I think if you want to be helpful, if you want to be a helpful way, then be in the mode of considering how to receive people's help. Again, not so much how are they helping me, like how are they helping me, how are they helping me, but how to receive the help, the help I'm suggesting to take as fact.

[21:45]

In other words, take the Buddha's Samadhi as fact. The Buddha's Samadhi is that people are helping each other. That's what's going on in the enlightened mind, is that you are helping others, they're helping you. You are helping rocks and Buddhas, and Buddhas are helping rocks and you, and so on. That's the Buddha mind. So how do you receive that? Not how is it happening. Once you've received it, once you're in that mind, then you can tell people how it goes. Then you can talk about the inconceivable. But I would suggest, how can I, how am I receiving people's help? Greg, feedback time. There you go. how can i receive your help how can i receive others help how can i receive their help not how are they helping me which is inconceivable or i can just say the way they're helping me is inconceivable but the way i receive it is not inconceivable

[23:17]

That's my other dependent character, which is accessible to language and consciousness. The way I am receiving the help is like this. You can see it as well as me. And the way you are receiving the help, I can see as well as you. Maybe better, if you don't think you are. And while I'm at it, do you understand that you are receiving others' help right now? If no, you are invited to enter the self-fulfilling samadhi right now, and that's where you are receiving, that's the attention to your reception of everybody's help. Someone said to me recently, you know, I'm sorry, I don't know what the person was sorry about. And I said, I'm sorry. And I said, and thank you.

[24:21]

And I love you. And the person said, maybe so. And I had this fantasy that that person didn't receive that love, that they battered it away. I'll say I'm sorry for not living in the self-fulfilling samadhi. But don't ask me to go in there. I'm sorry, I'm ashamed I don't live there. But, you know, don't try to trick me to come in there. By telling me that I'm right now receiving, getting love offered, and gratitude offered, and apology offered, don't tell me that. Actually, you can tell me that, but I'm gonna say maybe so. I can defend against that stuff. So anyway, I suggest to you that concentrating on this is Buddha's self-fulfilling samadhi.

[25:25]

Enlightened attention, or at least attention, to the Buddha Dharma, the Buddha Dharma of this school, is that all things are self-fulfilling. Everything is fulfilling yourself. Everything that happens is fulfilling yourself. Now do you receive that fulfillment with each thing? Can you pay attention to how you are being how you are receiving help, how you are receiving help, how you are being fulfilled by each thing, by everything. That kind of attention is, that kind of focused attention is called the samadhi of self-fulfillment. It's called the samadhi of the Buddhas. Living in this concentration, living in this kind of a focus,

[26:33]

helps people. When the person is sitting or standing in this kind of attention, when you're tuned into how you're receiving help, when you're tuned into, now how am I receiving help? How am I receiving? How am I receiving help? When you're tuned into that mode, when you're in that mode, you are helpful to people. Buddha is in that mode And in that mode, in that samadhi, Buddha helps people. Just by being in that mode. It isn't like Buddha's trying to help people, because that's dualistic. Buddha is helpful by being the living of the helpfulness. And again, the receiving part is the pentacle rising. It's accessible. You can see it. It's just that you may have some concepts which are kind of like interfused there, making you a little bit like, well, I don't know, that's not helpful.

[27:40]

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. But that too, that blah, blah, blah, blah, that also is helping you. The obstruction is helping you. All dharmas coming forth, the totally obstructing ones are helping you. What I mean is, not to say that's so, just to say that's Buddhist teaching. And concentrating on that is this samadhi, which I started with and I end with. When you're in this place, when you're in this concentration, you are helpful. And as we say, when you're in this mode of this samadhi, when you have this focused awareness of how you are receiving help from all beings and Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, when you're in that mode of attention to reception of all this help, then all those who live with you,

[29:04]

and speak with you will attain endless Buddhist Buddha virtue and will unroll widely inside and outside of the universe. We're talking a big time here. Outside the universe. Inside the universe and outside the universe. You're going to unroll widely. The endless. Unremitting. inconceivable, unstoppable, unbeatable, unreachable, unkillable, unbelievably beautiful Buddha Dharma. When you're in that mode, everyone who meets you and speaks with you will be inconceivably helped by this samadhi and together with you will unroll the real dharma and you can check it out at your local station your local body and mind check it out watch there to see how that body and mind is receiving the help and when you watch to check you are helpful and you get to keep checking moment by moment just check it out see well check it out check it out check it out

[30:30]

So, reverse, to do the samadhi, reverse the dualistic thinking mind which is conceptually superimposed in terms of words and symbols as essences and attributes onto the other dependent phenomena of helping beings and being helped. There is this other dependent character of helping beings and being helped. To realize that we have to reverse the mind which is superimposing concepts on this process. Reverse the dualistic thinking in terms of conceivable ways that I help external objects. to the attention, to the imperceivable, imperceptible way all beings help us and each other.

[31:43]

Now, the person says, what if I conceive a story of someone not being helpful? And I would say, rather than believing that story, or resisting it. Like, this person's not being helpful, okay? Rather than believing it, or saying, no, it's not true, or trying to, like, well, really, they are being helpful. Make up another story that they are being helpful. The story that they are being helpful, the story that they aren't being helpful, these are the superimpositions. That's, again, getting into conceptions of how they're being helpful. Rather than that, Just give the stories of them being helpful and give the stories of them not being helpful a rest. Don't throw them out the window.

[32:53]

So if somebody's being mean to you, I mean, if you've got a story that somebody's being mean to you, don't throw it out the window. Just give it a rest. You don't have to kill it. You don't have to enshrine it. You don't have to grasp it. It's not going to get lost. Just give it a rest. Just kind of leave it alone. It's got a life. Get one yourself. Just strongly adhering to it. Just stop strongly adhering to your story of what dependent co-arising is as being dependent co-arising. You can have your story. It's okay. Just stop strongly adhering to it because no matter what the story is, no matter how complementary, and a lot of people have complementary stories about other people,

[33:56]

don't strongly adhere to it as what that person is. Or if you have a complimentary idea of your relationship with somebody, don't strongly adhere to that story as what the relationship is. Give that story a rest. Then depending on giving it a rest up to the point of actually the story being kind of absent, like absent. Not killed, just not there for the time being. Forgotten. And you're standing there with what's happening without the story, and looking at that absence, you get to see the actual character of the story, which is that it's, well, that it's not a story, or it's, et cetera. It's not. what it appears to be, and the appearance is temporarily absent. You are now looking at the object of purification of the obstructions to realizing the samadhi. It's kind of a coincidence that the self-fulfilling samadhi turned out to be so closely related to the Samadhi Nirmacana Sutra, isn't it?

[35:08]

How did that happen? Just give it a rest. Stop strongly adhering to the imputational character as being the other dependent character of our relationships. Just give it a rest. And stop strongly adhering to the imputational, to your imaginary version of the other dependent character of our relationships as being the actual relationship that we have. than other Buddhas, or some Buddhas have more than bodhisattvas, or some bodhisattvas and Buddhas have more than us.

[37:44]

From the Buddha's point of view, it's total sharing. The Buddha is nothing more than all sentient beings practicing together, sharing this enlightenment. That's it, according to Wang Bo. So if we can just give up our dualistic, conceivable version of our relationship, which we've got, right? You've got a conceivable version of your relationship with me and with each other? Got one. If you can give it up, then we can enter the actuality of our relationship beyond that dualistic version. Enter and live there. And live in the actual relationship. of this inconceivably helpful way that we are together.

[38:47]

And there's various arenas in which we can practice this, sitting quietly together, eating also quietly together, eating and talking together, working together, meeting together, studying citrus together. All kinds of opportunities for our relationship to arise and cease. And our relationship is Buddha. And our relationship is not relationship and not Buddha. For the last 30 whatever number of years, 36 years, I had not been watching TV very much because I haven't had one.

[40:16]

If I had had one, things would be different. Zen Center didn't have TVs. Tassajara doesn't have TVs. Now Zen Center has TVs, but Green Gulch doesn't. So I live mostly at Green Gulch in Tassajara, so no TVs for me for the last 36 years. Much. Sometimes I go visit people and they have TVs, and then I go... Me and Maceo. But before that, I did watch TV. Actually, for about eight years before that, I also didn't watch TV because I went to college and couldn't afford a TV. I had actually a TV screen.

[41:18]

Just a screen with no nothing around it. And actually, I had it in my first Zendo. My first Zendo had a green rug, white walls, and a plain window with no curtains on it, and a TV screen sitting in the corner. And when I was a kid, I always wanted to just for fun break the TV screen, but never had the heart for it, because I wanted to watch it. get in trouble but mostly i wanted to watch it so now i had so when i when i started practicing zazen i had a tv screen in my meditation hall that was all it was in there me tv screen and one day in meditation i threw a rock at the tv screen and it just bounced off but before that back in the

[42:23]

40s and 50s, I did have TV, and I watched TV quite a bit, which accounts for my access to various jingles. You know, for example, I am Chiquita Banana, and I'm here to say... And there's another one, which is... There are eight million stories in the Naked City... This has been one of them. I often think of that during when I give Dharma talks. And you have heard one of them. And I've heard some other ones too this practice period. Some wonderful stories of what Albert, what Mr. Whitehead called adventures and ideas. It's been an adventuresome time, this practice period, for a lot of you.

[43:26]

You've gone up and down in the mountains and rivers of ideas. And you've had some wild times. And you've had some resistances. And some of you who've had resistances have had an amazing opening. And it's really wonderful to hear these stories. And even those of you with these wonderful stories are not only having wonderful stories, but some of those same people are giving these stories a rest on top of that. Which just increases the adventure some of it all. So go right ahead and continue the amazing path of adventures in fantasy. and express them to help you give them a rest and realize suchness without delay. I heard that on some station.

[44:29]

There's, as Dogen said, there's 10 million things which I have not yet understood about the Buddha Dharma and which I would like to discuss with you, some more urgently than others. And I don't know when that opportunity will arise again, but I look forward to it. And I take that back. I don't look forward to it. I'm a Zen teacher. I don't look forward to anything. But I want to do it. I want to do it. I want to discuss these millions of aspects of Buddha Dharma with you. I want to discuss it with the ones who do want to discuss it and the ones who have stories that they don't want to discuss it. And I want to tell one more little story. May I? Since I'm leaving soon. One more. The story of a friend of mine, he's famous.

[45:48]

I don't know if he'd want me to tell you his name, but anyway, he used to be, among other things, a junkie. And he said that when he used to be on heroin, then he would pick up the syringe with the with the heroin in it, and bring it over near his arm, he said, his veins would like stand up and say, yeah, we're ready, come on. They would stand up like that and salute. Ready to serve, sir. And to this practice period, as other practice periods, I realized one of the great things about Kasahara is that my my body, after a while, towards the practice periods developing, my body and mind start to be kind of like... When the opportunity to look at these teachings comes up, my body and mind go, yeah, okay, come on, ah, ah, ah.

[46:52]

Everything stands up and says, come on, oh, how interesting, look at that book. It's amazing that your mind finds this stuff interesting when you live in this valley. And it's somewhat interesting outside, but here it's like, oh, how fascinating to learn more about interpretable and definitive meanings of teaching. You know? And how, like, the ginger, you know, gets in there with the, you know, with the butter and, you know, it's so fascinating. So that's the great thing about Tazara, people actually get interested in something which, in the city... Well, you know, people know how to defend against that stuff. Just go to sleep or get out of the room. Better things to do than that. But the old demon of boredom gets pooped out here at Tassajara.

[47:55]

And then when he's sleeping, you can be interested in some amazing things, things that are really ordinarily. Boredom will not let you get anywhere near because boredom knows The system knows that if you look at that stuff, there's going to be a big change, which might not be good. Things are going pretty well. It's suffering, but at least we're alive. But if you would actually open to that stuff and let it in, you're right that it would be a big change. And who knows if it's for sure going to be good. but the funny thing is you're open to it anyway and that's got to admit the great thing about this practice here is that you we do open to the dharma and it's not so much that i'm saying the dharma but in fact the dharma comes through all beings and when you open you start seeing the dharma even in the dharma teachers and senior staff

[49:08]

but in everything because in fact there is this buddha dharma penetrating every single thing flowing in and out constantly unceasing and incandescently so that's another story and i've heard similar stories from people so i again and i'm just really you know We've got a great practice here, a great practice period. And so in one sense, it's really sad to leave, but I'm also happy to go home and see Maceo and practice meditating on the other dependent character phenomena with him to reduce his enchantment upon me, to see if I can break the spell of my mind's enchantment on the little guy and thereby be

[50:12]

person put together with him will unroll widely inside and outside of the entire universe the Buddha Dharma but if it works out I'll come back next practice period for a while anyway and I actually you know Now I feel like it really is too bad to leave. For all of us to leave, we're just getting into it. We're just starting our little, our little receptors are just kind of like daring to open and get excited about all this stuff. It's kind of hard to close down shop now. So it'd be nice to do two practice periods in a row sometime. But in order to do that, I think I'd have to have the little guy come down here. We have to figure out a way to do that because I do not want to be depriving him of his grandfather for too long. His mother might have to come, yeah.

[51:16]

So yeah, that would be an accomplishment, yeah. So anyway, there would be virtue and a longer immersion in the teaching. The three months is good, but then Paul's going to come down. He'll be teaching something different, which will be excellent, I'm sure. But as far as continuity and depth go, Well, different. So I had that dream of doing two practicing periods in a row sometime. But I'd have to do them. I wouldn't be able to. I can stand to be away from Maceo for six months. I'm pretty tough, you know. I can stand it. I can miss out on six months of his life. Sure, I can do it. And he doesn't really care about me actually much at all.

[52:18]

Still, I think it's good for him to have me in his life because he doesn't really have a dad. So I'm helping him, I think, by spending time with him. But anyway, that's a possibility for people to think about with me. So thank you very much. I love you and I'm sorry. And I don't know which one of those is most sincere. The sorry is pretty sincere. You wanna know about the other one?

[53:23]

You should be. I'm sorry. Somehow when I say I'm sorry, the sincerity, you know, the other dependent character of sincerity is easy to access because when I say I'm sorry, I don't really mean, I don't feel like I'm speaking for you. I feel like, I mean, I kind of do mean I'm sorry for the way I am. I mean, I'm not sorry for the way I am. I'm just sorry that it's so difficult for you. I know it's necessary, but I'm sorry. And the thank you, I do feel grateful, but it's not exactly, I don't want to pin it on you exactly. Because it's not really you or me.

[54:43]

It's more like I'm grateful for our relationship. I think we have a great relationship and I'm really grateful for it, but it's not exactly thank you for the relationship, but thanks for the relationship. Thanks for whatever makes it possible for you to like and me to be there. Thanks for what it makes possible for you and me to be there. That's what I mean. I'm grateful for that. That I'm really sincere about. But depending on you, I feel a little queasy about that. And then the love you part, you know, I don't know what love is. But I can say I love you. But really what I want to say is that I think that that's all I really care about, actually. And I don't know what it is. And that's all I care about. Really. And the thank you and the I'm sorry are kind of like complete the picture.

[55:49]

And I also want to tell another story about brief jokes on, and that is, part of me wants to just, I really do enjoy brief jokes on. I find that there's no boredom. The boredom doesn't have a chance to get a foothold. If it goes for more than five minutes, then I get bored. But I don't get bored. It's really a wonderful day when it happens, and I feel great. However, I just didn't feel like I could meet you quickly at this point in the practice period. It just seemed, I just couldn't, it just didn't seem right to meet you just briefly. Okay, well, great to see you, bye. There's a kind of like check in, thanks, you're welcome. There's that side of things, but I don't feel like saying that at this time. So that's why I couldn't really, I kept thinking day by day of doing it, but I just didn't, it didn't feel right.

[56:56]

At the early part of the practice period, it seems like a great way to have a lot of contact with a lot of people. But now I feel like my relationship with you, now that I know you better, I just feel like five minutes isn't enough for our relationship. So in a way, if you don't know people, like When people are traveling and doing Sashin, you don't know people. But brief checking is a good way to get to know people, a lot of people quickly. At this point, I just didn't feel right about it. So I'm sorry if you felt frustrated by that not happening. I think those are all my stories for now. May our intention equally penetrate every

[58:05]

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