I like that. I like that gallery effect. I hesitate to say peanut gallery. I won't say that. Upper balcony? Upper balcony? The upper realms. Upper realms. The feeling of family has been strong today. Do you feel it? Actually, it's been wonderful to see Brecken and it's the longest that I've not seen somebody, but many people that I haven't seen very recently. And it's very warming and heartening to be reunited. So thanks for coming.

[01:04]

And I heard that Yun Mun said something like, You all have light. Or you all have your own light. But if you seek it, you lose it. Or if you try to grasp it, you can't find it. So, not to belabor a point, but this is the guy who says Buddha is a turd. He said he's not exactly your airy-fairy type. Feel better?

[02:07]

I like the turd part. No, it doesn't, does it? And yet he... Huh? No, she loves turds. She's a doctor. She's into turds. She's not afraid of them. But even the amazing and broken-legged Yun Mun. Yun Mun's teacher broke his leg. However, tough love. He was enlightened, but it took a broken leg. And he couldn't cross his legs from his enlightenment onward. He couldn't sit full lotus anymore. But he was fine. He was enlightened. Then, just before he died, he broke his leg so he could cross it again.

[03:14]

and died cross-legged. So he says, you all have light. That kind of guy says this. But if you try to grasp it, you won't be able to find it. And then he says, what is your light? He said to the monks. And he often answered for them. He said, It is the kitchen pantry. It is the front gate. It is the altar. Do you have any feedback for me? I don't believe that an unsurpassed and perfect dharma is rare and nothing.

[04:27]

You don't have to believe that. Just say it. Yeah, you're right. You're meeting in every moment. Can you spend the morning figuring out we don't have light? And this cross-legged person just said we do. Pardon? I thought this morning we established we don't have light. Oh, what do you mean? Oh, oh, I see. We don't have light like phenomena aren't light. No, but they have light. It's just that they aren't the light. The way you're made is your light. But you don't have that. You don't have the way you're made. You are that light. You are the way you're made, and you're not something in addition to that. So... That's right, that's right.

[05:37]

Yeah, right. You're made by your interactions. You get to know yourself by studying those who make you, like the kitchen pantry. But you also can't say you don't have light and then grasp that, that you don't have light. Does that make sense? It's just ungraspable. But it is your inconceivable relationships. And each of us has a different inconceivable relationship. Each of us supports the world in a different way. children support in a different way from parents, and so on. Can you say also that the light circulates freely?

[06:42]

Say again? That the light, in addition to things, you know, things are light or have light, a light circulates freely. It does circulate freely and yet because of karmic accumulations it doesn't seem to circulate freely. We don't see that it does. And that's also Yunmin's, he has this teaching of Zen sicknesses. Zen sicknesses are where you see the light, you start to see the light, but you don't see it circulating freely. Some form of like trying to get a hold of it. Once you start seeing it, then you can get Zen sickness. So we want it to circulate freely, but Case, I think, 11 of the Book of Serenity talks about these ways that we try to get a hold of the light.

[07:47]

Same guy talking about that. This morning we talked about good friends. I don't know if I said good friends. I said close friends. Because even your bad friends are close friends. Even people who are like trying to distract you from the path, they're your close friends too, but different from the people who are trying to support you. Generally speaking, we've got to be careful not to go hang out with people who are closely related to you in the way of trying to distract you until you're more advanced. So don't go into crack houses until you've been given your license, your bodhisattva license to do so. That's too advanced for most people. Don't give away your body until you've been cleared for that kind of donation.

[08:56]

So some situations you're not ready for, and those challenging situations you're still close to, they're still your close friends, just you're not ready to test it. Maybe. But you mentioned something about it's important to be your own close friend. Yeah, right. Yeah, it's really important. If you're your own close friend, you probably don't have to spend a lot of time figuring out whether other people are a close friend or should be close friends, and maybe this person shouldn't be a close friend. But what you were talking about, you know, there may be certain situations that you shouldn't be putting yourself There are some close friends you should stay away from. But they're still your close friends. You should not get too close to them until you really have the skill to be with them.

[10:07]

Some people are just too big and dynamic, too wild for our skill level, but they're still our close friends. People often bring that up, you know, well, what about if somebody's doing this or that? Can't you, like, move away from them? Well, yes. Boundaries and limits are very useful to realize that somebody's close to you. They help you realize the closeness. To prove it, actually, by using boundaries to prove the closeness, Boundaries are not like... You can use boundaries to express that you feel far from somebody. But if you want to realize that you're close to somebody, you probably need boundaries. I'm not saying absolutely that you... But I think most people, to get to intimacy, they need boundaries to get there.

[11:10]

That's my feeling. Some formality. I've told you that story many times. I was very surprised to hear Suzuki Roshi say, for an acquaintance, you don't need forms. You can be informal. But for those you're intimate with, you need some formality. And sometimes the formality is, please keep three blocks away from me. I have a restraining order on you. But Buddha could have a restraining order on somebody who he completely feels intimate with and totally devoted to the person. And a restraining order is helpful. Like the story of Agulimala. The Buddha set up a restraining order on him because he was trying to kill his mother. And then he tried to kill Buddha.

[12:11]

So Buddha put himself between Agulimala and his mother And then Buddha created a restraining order between him and Agulimala. And Agulimala, he snapped out of his insanity by Buddha setting up a restraining order. The barrier woke him up. The barrier and the way the Buddha worked with the barrier snapped him out of his insanity. So barriers can wake people up if you're using them skillfully and you have confidence that you give your life for this person if it would be helpful. But a lot of times it helps people more if you don't give your life but hang in there with them a little longer by saying, for example, stop or stay there, I'll be right back. Does that make sense?

[13:17]

Work with these things. These are ways to express your love to people. But a lot of us feel like, oh no, if you love people you can't put any boundaries up, you can't put any barriers up. You can. You can do it and really help people with them. Yes? when you were talking this morning about light being radiated from the relationship among phenomena, I remember that later in the In the Self-fulfilling Samadhi passage, there is a sentence that sets up all phenomena and says, together they radiate a great light. And it had never occurred to me before this morning that it's together they radiate a great light.

[14:20]

It isn't that each of them does. But all taken together, there is great light. Yes. I want to risk my reality a little. OK. Plight your trough. Plight my trough. And I have a number of things turning me right now. One is awareness that there's been a death in my family. My sister-in-law's father just this last week has been vulnerable to plague. and learning how to take care of myself in that, since it's not, I wasn't, if Kino was in Brazil, I don't really, but there's no forms that follow here, but not just wanting to just go ahead with my life as if nothing had happened, because the people I care about very much are in the community at the moment.

[15:21]

So I was celebrating his death, I think his wife and death. And with that, so I see that happening. But the reality, I think, of all this is about my idea of right. that I'm doing at the theater practice now in the mornings. And recently I read some Peter Brook's writings and also an actor named Yoshida. And they were talking about... Who? Yoshida. Yoshida? Yoshida. I think O-I-D-A. Okay. And I actually have a stunning memory of seeing him perform here in San Francisco where we just watched him breathe and we were just fascinated. So they spoke about theater being what reminded us not about making the invisible visible.

[16:22]

It turns out in this attempt to have that relationship happening between people. It's not the words. It's not the text. But they have to have as an temple, as a mist, that kind of fear. So there was a speaking of that. And then in my, so I'm looking at my reality was I need theater so wholly and I don't know if it's the same as here or if that's something for me to walk. And also in that, that my experience as an actor in terms of feedback that I got from people and that I also had a sense of myself was that I radiated on stage. That I'd walk on stage and there was presence and that there was a radiance, and I felt like I knew how to radiate. And so that's what I want to risk, that that was something I kind of, not that I was always good, but there was just, I had some sense that the space was a place of listening, you know, like we're all there, it's an awareness.

[17:25]

And that's what I would want to tune myself to. So I'm looking at clinging to that as some kind of You know, self-praise or value or that's the only way my mind can somehow try to talk about this life. It's a different life. And also the fact that when someone dies, the light goes out of their eyes. I mean, that's what I think of babies. You're speaking of just light in your eyes, in your bed face, the light's gone. So is that a different kind of light as well? So I'm just looking at my ideas of light. You're looking at your ideas of light. And whether or not to abandon them, or are they some way, a way to open to the light? I think abandoning your ideas of light is another version of being caught by your ideas of light.

[18:29]

Again, non-discrimination does not mean you don't discriminate. It means you study everything. If you discriminate that there's light, and then you discriminate that there isn't light, non-discrimination wouldn't be that you wouldn't make those two discriminations. It would be that you would study both of them. And if you study them thoroughly, you won't be caught by either. And that will allow you to realize, you know, the light that is given to you and which you then give off. You can realize the light which is supplied to you and which you emanate. We can realize that more and more fully as you are more and more not caught by your ideas about anything, including that light.

[19:48]

And even in the process of receiving the support and giving away what you've received, there can be subtle, even though you're in that process and you kind of are realizing it and enjoying it, there can still be subtle infractions, so to speak. So we're studying Chapter 9 of the Samdhi Nirmocana Sutra, and the first Bodhisattva stage is about generosity and joy, the joy of receiving and giving yourself, the enjoyment of yourself being received and yourself being given. But even in that joy, there can still be some subtle infraction. You can still be enjoying it, and enjoying the light by the little bit of like, some little bit of maybe linguistic infraction.

[21:01]

Like, it's my light. Some little bit of... So, but then that can be studied and we can become free of that too. And I think that when somebody walks on a stage and they feel vulnerable, they may be feeling vulnerable but not thinking, oh, I have a lot of light. But they may be feeling like, I feel vulnerable. And when we see them feeling vulnerable, we often think they have light. and when somebody comes on the stage and they don't feel vulnerable, we may not be able to see their light as easily. But when we see someone who is feeling vulnerable and looking vulnerable, looking vulnerable because they seem to feel vulnerable, we can see them receiving

[22:08]

And we can see that they're aware that they can be hurt by the things that support them. The things that support you and give you your light can also hurt you. Do you feel vulnerable? I feel particularly vulnerable when I'm in this place of feeling close to you. And particularly if I express that I feel close to you, I feel vulnerable because, well, partly because if I tell you that I feel close to you, I know some of you could get upset with me because some of you might think that I feel closer to some of you than some other ones of you. But if I don't even bring it up, let's not talk about it, you know. Then I feel less vulnerable because you're less likely to get angry with me because of feeling pain that maybe I feel closer to somebody than you. But if I bring the issue up, then I know that there's some, there's danger in that. But I was just reading, somebody just, I was at Muir Woods with my grandson and granddaughter and their parents, and one of their parents gave me a book about Teddy Roosevelt because I told them that Teddy Roosevelt founded Muir Woods at the first national park.

[23:32]

So he got me this book and at the beginning of the book it says that Teddy Roosevelt could pluck the flower of safety from the thorns of danger. Go right into the danger. He was really big on practicing all the time, facing his danger and going right in there to the danger and finding that place. How about you? Do you feel vulnerable? Do you want to tell us how much you love us? Just in case, before you... And do you think we all love you? You hope so? That's safer. Did you love her bells?

[24:34]

Did somebody say no? Any other feedback? Yes. To feel created, how I'm created, or how I'm created by everything is the same as love. Suddenly we switch to love, or I don't know if we switch, but... That's what I would call love. Love is not... To feel the way we're totally dependent... No, no, you may not feel it, but feeling it is wonderful, but you can love someone without feeling your love for them. And they can love you and you can receive it without feeling it. But you're bringing that as another synonymous word with this thing of love. That's what I call actual love, which is also compassion, if there's any pain in the situation.

[25:44]

And it's very joyful, but it's not like-dislike kind of thing. It's just, in fact, we do give our life to the world. And the world gives us life. And that's a moment of life. A moment of life is a moment of love. Like, who said this? Somebody, you know, they say, where there's love, there's life. And I would say where there's life, there's love. And where there's life, there's light. Kind of the same spiritual proposition. So, I have an idea, which is that if you look at a child, and it's, I think, one of the reasons why it's easy to see light in children as they're so obviously vulnerable, you know, and they even sometimes know it.

[26:48]

And the more they know it, But vulnerability is not exactly the light. It's more like you can be hurt by the way you're supported. But they seem to know it, or they sense it, and that vulnerability tips you off to their radiance. Now dead people don't look vulnerable, necessarily. So you might look at them and not see their light. But again, the light we're talking about, which the children tip you off to, is not something you can see. You see the child and you think the eye that sees the child is not the eye that sees the light of the child. Because some people look at the same child and they just don't see the brilliance. But again, if you're vulnerable to the vulnerable child, then you get to see the light of the child. But the light of the child is not You can't see this with your fleshy eye.

[27:48]

You can see as a child, and if you're with your fleshy eye and your intellectual mind, you see the vulnerability, and you dare to see the vulnerability and dare to feel your own at the same time, probably. Then in opening to that, you open to the light, which you don't see with your eye. You see with your dharma eye or your dharma heart. and when you look at a dead person you can see the light too. If you're vulnerable to the dead person and you realize even the dead person is vulnerable to you. But, you know, you may not have been able... most people have trouble seeing light in dead people, but sometimes people do. All phenomena could, you know, radiate a great light because all phenomena, including dead people, are engaged in Buddha activity.

[28:54]

This is good practice for you. Even lay people are engaged in Buddha activity. You know, lay people are engaged in Buddha activity. This is a practice for lay people. because they're engaged in Buddha activity. This is a practice of Buddha activity. This isn't a practice of being a monastic. However, even monastics are engaged in Buddha activity. Huh? You're kidding, right? Yeah. Everything. People with Alzheimer's are engaged in Buddha activity. If you enter this practice... you enter a practice that is unhindered by circumstances. Because all circumstances are engaged in Buddha activity. If you tune into the Buddha activity, you tune into the practice which isn't going to get pushed around by these things like switching from male to female, old to young, Alzheimer's to smarty pants, whatever.

[30:10]

These changes that happen all have light. Not the changes, but the temporary fleeting form has light. If you tune into this, then you turn into a practice which doesn't have an end or a beginning or limits. And it's the flower right in the middle of the, you know, tremendous dynamism. Any other feedback? Yes, Soho? I feel vulnerable. She feels vulnerable. And when I look at what you were saying about the place of feeling close. The what?

[31:11]

The place of feeling close. The place of keeping close? Of feeling close, yeah. Can I say something? The place of feeling close is a pretty nice place sometimes. Sometimes it isn't. If you feel close to somebody you don't feel close to, you might feel uncomfortable. But I'm not talking about feeling close. You may not feel close to me, but you are. But you're talking about the place of feeling close. Okay, being open to what? To vulnerability and open to being close. If we're closed to vulnerability, we're closed to being close. We're close to feeling close and we're close to not feeling close.

[32:14]

Some people are up for feeling close but they're not up for not feeling close. They can't stand it when they don't feel close to certain people. You know? Do you ever have that feeling like you don't feel close to somebody and you feel really upset because you don't feel close? Or they tell you that they don't feel close to you and they want to be far from you and then So these feelings of closeness and not close, those are feelings, and those feelings are... Actually, those feelings are close to everybody, but your feeling may be that you're not close. So to open to your vulnerability helps you open to your closeness. If you want to open to closeness, then opening to vulnerability will help you. If you want to not notice how close you are to everybody, then close down on the vulnerability too. Deny the vulnerability. We are vulnerable, but we can deny it.

[33:19]

Being vulnerable and being close are partners. They're not the same, but they're partners. Because we're vulnerable to people because they make us and they unmake us. what do you call it, they give, and they give life and take life freely. Everybody does that to us. So if we open to that, although we may not be able to see the light, we can, maybe you can find your vulnerability and then open to that. And then you will also open to this other thing, which will be the path of enlightenment. Yes? You... Really? Are you ready? You're not ready? You're not ready? Are you not ready now? Do you want to be ready? Are you ready? What?

[34:37]

Now you're talking. We have some young people here, right? Whatever. Are you ready? Do you want to be ready? I feel close to you. How was that? Easy. I don't ask you, don't hold it, don't hold it, don't hold it. Just for the moment, just for now, are you ready for me to tell you, to present with you, that I feel close to you? What? I just did, how was it? Yeah, it keeps changing. You liked it. Yeah, all right. Too vulnerable to say. Yes, you changed your name, huh?

[35:53]

Or your name changed. Yeah. I wonder, who is that person? Okay. You say it's gradual? It looks sudden to me. Yes? Holly? Those moments when the light is most... comes into my consciousness, or whatever it is, I sense a radiance. The moments when your consciousness is illuminated by it? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And as I look at the kinds of moments those are and what I'm interacting with in those moments, they're moments that I would normally have called beauty, perceiving beauty. Yeah, that's pretty much the same thing. Love, beauty, that kind of stuff, yeah. Right, and it's almost like that's a word that, for me, a word that may have come into being to try to express that thing that's... Yeah, that's part of how it came into being, right.

[36:59]

And then again, if you grasp beauty, you lose it. Beauty and light are very similar that way. If you try to defend yourself in the light by getting it, you lose it. If you try to defend yourself against the overwhelming beauty, you kill it. And there are moments, too, that are more rare, where something that I would not have known. She doesn't mean that, Seguin. There's some interaction that I would not have normally called beautiful, that for some reason... That's beauty. Beauty is inherently not beautiful. Yeah, right. Yeah. Remember what Wilke said, beauty is, how do you say, beauty is... the beginning of a terror we can just barely stand. Just the beginning of it. And the light's like that too.

[38:05]

Vulnerability, you know, if you're trying to hold on to anything, beauty's kind of like tempting you to let go. And then right there you're kind of like, ooh. Well, it's 5.30. It calls for you. And you. Can you hear it? You too are vulnerable to that telephone ringing. It's changed all of our lives. So thank you for coming and have a wonderful evening.

[39:07]

Thank you. Thank you.

[39:10]

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