Let's see, one thing I wanted to mention was that someone came to talk to me and gave me some feedback on the class. And the feedback was something like this. The person was feeling like they didn't know some of the people in the class very well. She just met the people like a week ago or maybe two weeks ago. This person, I think, missed one class. But anyway, she doesn't know some of you very well, this person. And she said she kind of was feeling like because of that she didn't feel with some of the people she doesn't know, which seemed reasonable. And she was thinking, well, maybe I should just go home and be with people I do feel intimate with. And I thought, well, it seems good. Why not? Wouldn't it seem nice to go home, be home, be with somebody you feel intimate with?

[01:03]

Hey, no problem, from my perspective. I think what this class is about is about discovering intimacy with people you don't know very well. Or, you know, people that you that you have spent less years with. I propose that we are intimate with each other. We are intimate with all beings. However, only fully enlightened people can actually see that. And so part of what I feel this class is about is one example of working to discover intimacy with people, to extending our intimacy beyond its usual bailiwick, its usual area of realization.

[02:11]

So anybody you feel intimate with, I say, great. And so this is a situation to exercise extending it. And I feel like I'm in a privileged position to kind of understand and experience intimacy with people I don't know very well. I'm in a privileged position to encourage people to discover intimacy with people they don't know very well. I mean you're letting me say this right now, for example, whereas maybe some of you wouldn't feel supported to talk like this. Now having heard me say this, you might dare to say it and feel that you're welcome to express the teaching that we are intimate with all beings,

[03:14]

and that bodhisattvas are on a path to realize it, to understand it and live. This would be like so. But in the meantime, there's some difficulty because of this balancing between spending time with those you already feel intimate with and you need to take care of those relationships. And you want to, probably. You want to sometimes, anyway. Sometimes you'd rather not take care of those and take care of some other ones with some people you don't know very well because you're not so intimate with them and it seems easier. Like my grandson this weekend, you know, I told people about this. I went down to L.A.

[04:16]

to spend some time with him. He lives with my daughter, his mother, and her partner, who is sometimes considered, called his father figure. He doesn't really call him father yet, but he'd like to. Anyway, they lived together. So this young man bought some Krispy Kremes, which I've never tasted before, but now I saw the package of Krispy Kremes, and I opened it up to see what it looked like, because I've heard there, well, that people who eat them think that they're happy when they eat them. A lot of them say, when I eat them, I'm depressed. I eat those things, I feel good. So anyway, so I think I asked the person who bought them if I could and they recommended warming them up because you actually buy them warm.

[05:26]

So I put it in the microwave and, but I left it in, I don't know, a pretty long time. Maybe 30 seconds or more. And while it was cooking in the microwave, somebody said, you should put him in just for a little bit, seven seconds they recommend. So when I got back, so I went over and stopped it and took it out. And fortunately, it had kind of curved edges. And so this donut was sitting in this soup. certain stuff came out of the donut, which previously was congealed into the donut. I guessed that the stuff that came out was the stuff that people eat that they think makes them happy. And I, you know, maybe for a second, maybe I considered, what do they call it, not laminating, but what do you call it in your pork?

[06:39]

I made that considered basting the donut with the stuff it extruded so it would congeal back into it and then I could taste it. But I just poured it off into the sink and everything worked out from then on with it. And then I ate it and it didn't taste like much with that stuff bleached out of it. And, but I probably, you know, here I am with you because I poured that stuff off probably. And the next morning, my grandson went in to get his glazed donut. There were two types of donuts, two glazed donuts and there were two other ones which were full of something, something kind of reddish And they had glays on them which said, Happy Mother's Day.

[07:44]

They were for the mothers. So he came in, and all he saw were the two where it said, Happy Mother's Day on them. The two glazed ones were gone. The other figure who he lives with took one, and I went through this process with the other one. And then he investigated who ate the glazed donuts. And his grandmother told him the two people who ate them. But because he doesn't live with me, he decided I would be a better person to take out his frustration on. And I think he said various things, but I don't know what, like, That was for me, and he took my blame. And I know some other stuff, but one of the most interesting things he said was, and I will not accept any apologies.

[08:48]

So I thought, okay, I apologize. I'm not going to go up and apologize. I'm sorry I took your glazed donut. I'm really sorry. I didn't do that. I just sort of like, well, you know, I kind of was thinking maybe to stay in my bedroom all day and see if he ever came to get me. Anyway, I came outside, you know, didn't say much to him. And after a while, he came to me and he said, did you eat the glazed donut? And I said, yes. And he said, that was from me. And I said, I'm really sorry if I'd known you wanted it. I definitely wouldn't have taken it. I didn't go into it. I wouldn't have taken it. I just said, I just said very sincerely, I'm really sorry and I definitely, I definitely would not have taken it if I knew you wanted it. I thought you already had some before, which you did. I mean, he has day before.

[10:01]

I thought those were available and so did his father figure. And, yeah, he kind of, that was, that seemed to be kind of, that seemed to clear up somewhat and things kind of worked out after that. Because, you know, he couldn't really, like, be that tough on his father figure because, yeah, he'd have to live with the consequences where I You know, he can talk big with me because I'm going to leave town pretty soon. And the night before, I was sitting next to him at a movie, and I had my arm on the armrest next to him, and he pushed my arm off the armrest. And it really hurt to have that guy push my arm away.

[11:05]

It really hurt because I really feel intimate with him. And when he pushes my arm away, it's a big deal. not intimate with him when he did that. I felt hurt that this person would push my arm away. It wasn't like, you know, he had his arm on the armrest and I put my arm and knocked his off. He had nothing to do with the armrest. He wasn't interested at all. And I put my arm on it and he just decided to get that arm off there. He just didn't like it there and he didn't care about He did care probably. He wouldn't have done that with anybody but me probably in the world. He wouldn't have done it with somebody he didn't know next to him. He wouldn't have done it. He wouldn't have done it with his mother. He wouldn't have done it with his mother. And I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have done it with his grandmother, but he might have because he can get by almost as much with her as he can with me, but not quite. I'm the person who he most dares to do the most outrageous things with.

[12:16]

And so he really hurts me. So in a way, this class is a class where you can open up to possibly being hurt by people. Which, you know, what? So that's something I wanted to say about this class and it's part of what I think it's about. As I've said before, it's a class, I think, to tell your stories and listen to other people's stories. And again, listen to other people's stories to see if you think they're not yours or to see if you think they are yours. And then there's this thing in this class where you can

[13:19]

...of ancient Zen masters and think, that's not my story, or that is my story, but it's not my story. It's his story, but somehow I see my story and his story and so on. In other words, to listen to people's stories and be aware of yours and then see they're the same and different and how in that sameness and difference is the intimacy. the way our stories are the same in difference and how that sameness and difference is not separate. This is another thing we're doing here. And another thing we're doing here is we're engaging in the, potentially engaging in the process of letting our imagination are using our imagination to accept or participate or give credence to the reality of other worlds,

[14:34]

We can suspend our disbelief in the reality of other worlds. And not that the other worlds are better than this, although they might be, or worse, although they might seem to be, but rather that the exercise of having an imagination which deals with the possibility or the reality of other worlds potentially has a very liberating and beneficial effect on us, us who are usually somewhat trapped in the reality of a world now And I'm not saying you should degrade or disrespect the world you live in.

[15:42]

I don't suggest that at all. As a matter of fact, I think it's good to be very generous with the world you live in and open to the possibility of the reality of other worlds to get relief and uplift in this world. and to help others do the same. In this world at all, without jumping to another world, just create in your mind this possibility and give it pretty much potentially almost equal reality to the world you think is true. That's part of what we're doing here too. Okay. Do you want to give me any feedback, Eileen, at this time? Do you want any feedback from me?

[16:48]

Sure. My feedback to you is Ah, you have a new sweatshirt on. Wow. This is the latest Tassajara sweatshirt. Ah, it has, it looks like it has a blue jay on it, potentially. Huh? It's just a bird, it's not a blue jay? Well, I thought it was a blue jay because Tassajara has blue jays at Tassajara. A lot of people think that the blue jay story is not their story. You know? Because the blue jays, they're very aggressive. They kind of beat the other birds up and scare them out of the valley. And they dive bomb your bag lunch. Even like not a bag lunch, they'll attack food right in your hand or right in front of you. They'll take food out of your mouth. So they're very aggressive. And a lot of people think their story, their world is not mine.

[17:53]

It's kind of a thing that Tassajara people are working on. So I thought, how great that if she's wearing a Tassajara sweatshirt, the Tassajara bird. We used to have pigeons also. Right, Brad? Pigeons don't stand out. We go with blue jays. Yeah. It's important, right? I think there were lots of pigeons there. They were there, and they were honing pigeons. And so, yeah, so we collected at one point. I thought maybe Brad was there, but maybe not. They were collected. The way they're collected is you make a little kind of a, kind of a labyrinth in a way, not a labyrinth, but a coil of fence with a top on it.

[18:56]

And they walk into it and they can't figure out how to get out. And over the hill and released. That was the idea. Did they figure out how to get back? No, they didn't. Somebody let them out before they were taken out. One of the students thought that that wasn't nice to deport them. So then just before the truck left, they removed the stuff. That's why I thought you might remember. What? Yeah. Yeah. And he's still here because it wasn't. But then it happened again. It happened again and then they weren't released. They were taken out and they didn't come back. They weren't killed, but they didn't come back. And... Part of the reason was they were shitting all over stuff around the food area because they like to be near the samovar where it's warm and there's some kind of reason to do it.

[20:03]

But we haven't gotten rid of the blue jays, but we could, but we'd have to probably do something cruel to do so. There's been efforts. I mean, there's been a number of them taken to different parts. Oh, really? Some were collected. And we also had a... Brad was probably there then, too. We had a bobcat who everybody liked, but then the bobcat started to... It's a wild animal that started... People thought it would hurt... Actually, I think it was that reason. Were you there then? Yeah, there was a fear that that would happen. Yeah, so the bobcat... you know, people were getting closer and closer to the bobcat, and people thought, no, this is too dangerous, so they took the bobcat on a trip, too. What? I don't know how they took it out, but they didn't hurt it, but it didn't come back.

[21:07]

It was like right down in Tazara, moving around, kind of like a pet, but it wasn't, you know, it's not like a pet. And so it was taken out, taken away. Okay, so any feedback on what I've said so far that you'd like to offer? Yes, please come up. Please come up. I have a little chair for you. You can sit here in this little chair. Or you can sit here. Or you can sit here. Or you can stand. Okay. I don't know if it's feedback, but I would like to express myself and say I am really so afraid of the beatings of masters and younger ones.

[22:25]

And at the same time, I want to be in touch. In other words, there's this wish to be intimate. Sometimes I can see I do all kinds of things to kind of not be with it and transgress it. Not be with the intimacy? Not be with the wish, not be with the intimacy. Not be with the wish to be intimate? Uh-huh. Distracted from it, or? There's fear. When I sense it, there's fear, so I try to get away. Right now. There's actually a question I have, many questions, but one has been on my mind for a while. The way I see it in my world is, we have been surrounding stories with stories,

[23:31]

to give them space and this as a practice of generosity and compassion. But there's something I don't understand. It seems that this process, if it ends there, it constantly or delays pain or the discontent like Scheherazade like every night like delaying her fear of death by telling another story so what would actually liberate us so you have the story that Scheherazade was delaying her fear of death Yeah, that she was actually, in telling the story, my story is that actually in telling her stories, she was trying to get away from being killed.

[24:43]

Yeah, but that's not the same as delaying her fear of death. She might have been not trying to delay her fear, but just trying to delay her death. And also trying to help, she could have also been trying to help the, whatever, the sultan. Whoever, was it a sultan? The sultan, yeah. She might have been trying to help him too by telling that. she might have been, you know, wishing to continue to live to benefit him and us. But she could have been trying to avoid her fear. But I, myself, I guess I feel that she was not trying to avoid her fear.

[25:57]

In this way. And that way of working with it, in fact, had this, you know, had this effect that this guy wanted to hear more stories. He wanted to keep being with somebody who was working with their fear that way. And I would say, I want to hear more stories too. So it's kind of enacted right now. I'm also sitting here and I really do feel you're telling wonderful stories. I sense this as deep compassion practice and yet I have this question. In the end, how does that set suffering sentient beings free? And you could tell a story about how the set sentient being is free.

[27:11]

You could, or I could, tell a story about how this will do that. But I do not intend to tell a story about how what we're doing is setting people free. I do not intend to do that except to promote more questions. I do not tell stories to answer the question of how what we're doing is uplifting living beings in the world of suffering. I'm telling a story about that, but not so that that will be the end, but so that you'll question my last story, or his last story about how is not promoting the welfare of beings. So I like, I've told you before, I like this the way, what is it, Milan Kundera says, I tell stories

[28:15]

And then I tell another story to create a question. It isn't that the second story nullifies the first question, the first story. It isn't the second story nullifies the first story, but it creates a questioning process. Just to put the story down, isn't necessarily question-provoking, but there's a way of telling another story which makes us question both of them. It also leads us to question the story of our life. And then another story comes, but it kind of needs to be questioned too. The new one hasn't been confronted or questioned or affronted or met with something.

[29:24]

So we will tend to cling to the current one. which has been graciously offered forth as a version of what's going on in our life. Not with the information that this is a version. It's going to look like what's going on, because it is a story about what's going on. It's not a story about a version of what's going on. It could be that way, but then it usually isn't. So that was a story too. So you can tell a story in response to that. Well, yeah, opening up to your story, what comes up is thinking that Sherazade, in telling a new story every night, she becomes more and more skilled in the process of storytelling. And in seeing actually, let's say, the story-like quality

[30:29]

of what she's talking about, she's perhaps also able to accept more her mortality and death and let go of her fear. And also if she doesn't confront the last story with another story that kind of to some extent overthrows the previous story, the Sultan will probably lose interest. And then he will do this thing in a way of killing her. But actually, it's kind of good that he would kill her if she tells bad stories. That's what she should have been doing with her own stories. She should have been using her stories to kill her stories, rather than kill the storyteller. Hurt living beings, we just want to kill their stories. graciously, graciously kill their stories, graciously help them let go of their stories.

[31:32]

Because if they're holding on to them, of course they're more or less miserable. And so on. And so on, yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. Any other feedback at this point? Yes? Just a little footnote, ever so appropriate to Ernst. Ever so appropriate? Yes. Edgar Allan Poe wrote a story about Scheherazade's thousand and second story. And in that thousand and second story, he tells a story. Each of her statements is something that he documents with a footnote. They're like facts. And the sultan kills her. because he doesn't believe the story.

[32:34]

May I respond? Yeah. What comes up right away when I listen to you is, yes, I do believe that my death is a fact. And I am deeply afraid of it. And I am actively I still can't accept the process of endless storytelling, but I want there to be a happy end. And you're happy no end? Well, that requires work, what I expressed. LAUGHTER Can I ask you a question about your story, about the kind of happy end that you want? When you have a story that appears to have a happy ending, is it really satisfying when it's a complete and closed happy ending, or is it only satisfying when it's an open ending?

[33:52]

Well, to be truthful, there is one deep hidden inside me who wants to be the closure, to have a place to stand on, know, and be that a good place. So I confess that. And there is one who deeply knows that this does not exist. The closure? Yes. How are you feeling, Eileen? Pretty good. Are you enjoying my attention?

[35:07]

Yeah. But I will confess that... when you asked me for feedback, and I said, this reminds me of October 2007. Did you hear what she said? She said, I asked her for feedback, and she said, this reminds me of October 2007 at Tassajara. So that was when I... In 2006. In 2006. It might happen. That's another dimension. A different world. Because back then, I wanted to run out of the class. I just didn't know. You didn't know if you could handle it? Yeah. As you know, I didn't run out of the class, and I ended up loving it.

[36:14]

So I guess the only thing I think of now is... Sometimes I think it takes a while for me to get intimate, and this is only going to go two more times. So I... How do you know? . There will be more classes. And there will not be a continuation of this class. But there will be more classes.

[37:18]

There will be more classes. I don't know who will be there. But the people who will be there will not be us. However, whoever comes depends on us. from us. And they may realize that. But intimacy is pressuring beings to continue to work on intimacy. Intimacy is pressuring us to work on intimacy. Intimacy is doing that? Yes. The way we're all related is pushing us to realize the way we're all related.

[38:29]

And the way we're all related, if we don't realize it, we feel more or less afraid, anxious, uncomfortable, and etc. Excuse me. I'm sorry. It's okay. I forgot to invite Chris to come up. I can come up. Will you talk? in the future. So, like everybody, just to come up when they want to talk, rather than talk and have me invite you to come up, because I might forget. So please come up if you want to talk with the group or with me.

[39:35]

Come up. Even if you think it's just going to be a little... Yeah, even if you think... Whatever story you've got, if you want to express it, please come up here and express it. Well, when I heard, is it Eileen? When I heard Eileen's story, I heard my story. I was like, yeah. I hear that. And then, interestingly enough... Could you tell us your story? Well, this particular story that I heard was pretty much verbatim. I think it takes me a long time to feel, to become... I mean, intimacy has always happened, but the level of intimacy that I would feel, I don't know, satisfied with or something. Yeah. And so, actually when I realized that, or when I heard it reflected in her story, I felt then the pressure which I felt when I noticed that story to learn how to become intimate with me more quickly.

[40:47]

And then, and yeah, it felt, it definitely felt like a pressure. Like I noted the pressure. And then you said that intimacy is pressuring us to become more intimate with each other. I did. And you said that just after I was thought to sit, to tell Irene that I heard my story. And you want some feedback? Yeah. Want some feedback? No? Please answer. Do you want some feedback? Do you want some feedback? Okay, so number one feedback is intimacy is pressuring us urgently to realize it. And I don't know if you said as soon as possible. Did you say as soon as possible? I think you said quickly.

[41:52]

More quickly. More quickly. Intimacy is urgently pressing us to realize it, and it does not want to do it more quickly than it is going to be done. It wants us to feel the urgency and then not rush, because if we rush, we'll miss it. It's pressuring us not to hesitate, not to rush. And it's urgent that we do not hesitate or rush. Like we say, if you're excited, it becomes a pitfall. If you hesitate, you're lost. Intimacy is pressuring us to find the way Realize it, and it's urgent, but the timing is the timing of being balanced and upright with it, learning to be that way with it, and not realizing it according to the schedule of, like, I would like to get this pain over with now.

[42:59]

You can feel that way, but then don't let that push you around. or if it does push you around, accept you're getting pushed around. Don't think you can get away from being pushed around. Thank you. And also I remember There's a story about when I was in college, there was like, you know, some kind of like policies on, if you'll excuse the expression, dating. And this is from the boys' side, you know, that I was hearing. So one thing was, if somebody was leaving town, if somebody was leaving town, okay,

[44:05]

On one side, they might be willing to do whatever because they were leaving town. Pardon? They're from out of town, right. So if you found out somebody was leaving town, the word was, well, they might be willing to do whatever because they'll be leaving town. you know, the consequences will not be around. So they'll be able to, they might, you and him or her might be, you know. In other words, you can do something that's, you can do something without being intimate. You can do like whatever without being intimate because they'll be leaving town. Like you can say, who are devoted to you and I will not accept any apologies." You can do whatever because they're going to go away.

[45:09]

So, hey, it's like whatever. Various things you'd like to do that you usually can't do, well, you can do those because the person's going to be gone. In other words, you can do immoral things, dash you can do things which are Not honoring intimacy. Not honoring cause and effect. Because the person... The other side was, from this boy, why get intimate with somebody who's leaving town? Because then you do all this work to get intimate, and then they're gone. Why do that? That's like a nicer boy who wants to get to know somebody and get intimate with them. But still, it's kind of the same thing.

[46:11]

Well, if I don't get to have the intimacy after I develop it, why develop it? And also, why experience the pain when you're intimate with somebody? And they go away. So another thing my grandson does, when he first sees me, he's like, Like, he saw me, you know. On Friday he saw me, and he saw me from a distance. He blushed. He blushed to see this guy. But then, two days later, he knows this guy's going to leave him, so he starts pushing him away. So he doesn't have to experience the pain of me going. You know? So, Eileen says, yeah, we're just going to have two more meetings. That's part of it. Why get intimate with these people? They're going to take my intimacy and go off who knows where with it.

[47:15]

Well, that's the thing. That's why we hesitate to get intimate with it. They're going to push our arm away. They're going to leave town. This is part of what we have to not be hindered by. But it's hard. I mean, it's hard. It's hard to work on this and then get it. But you can't get it. And when the class is going to end, in some ways, it's more like reality. Because, you know, we're not going to be in the same room forever together. Yes? I went to see this Zen teacher. he told this story about these Krispy Kreme doughnuts and then I went away and I was encouraged to go back and see the teacher again and again I heard this story about the Krispy Kreme doughnuts and in both cases I

[48:22]

I felt like I did not recognize the, in both cases I was entertained and enjoyed the story, but in both cases I felt like I didn't recognize the unsurpassed in it. So now I come to you and ask where was I at fault? But it's hard for me to tell you how kind this person was. How he did his utmost to share that story, to do that, to speak those words to you so that you could get over your idea of what Dharma is. It's hard for me to say how kind he was. Since I'm asking you, what could you say instead? Instead of?

[49:25]

How kind he was. Since that would be difficult. What could I say instead of that? Did you really not see that the story about the Krispy Kremes was the true essential meaning of the Buddha Dharma? Did you really miss that? When it went on for a while, all the details... about the meltdown and the entertaining part. After it went on for a while, I think that maybe the slight bit of Dharma, I wouldn't call it unsurpassed. The bit that I felt was just watching my response and watching my question that I felt like there was something to work with there.

[50:32]

So then you weren't so worried about whether you were at fault anymore? I still felt like maybe I was missing something. Well, also that maybe you're missing something because the person was telling you stories like that rather than telling you more interesting stories like they would to a real student, right? Like a real student, he wouldn't have to tell stories that the real student couldn't see as Dharma. He could just tell him the actual Dharma stories. Yeah, I guess it brings up the question of if everything is equally and equally showing as Dharma, then... I actually don't know what the question is. But there's another story which is that when somebody tells us something,

[51:39]

equally Dharma, but it's what we're expecting it to be, then that doesn't, then that story wouldn't, that information wouldn't help us see the Dharma. That would just feed our habit of what Dharma is. Most Zen students are going to talks where they think they're going to hear Dharma, which they think, and then they feel like, okay. And in those cases, the teacher is feeding their habit. Yeah. Well, so the first time actually could see it a little more as dharma, but the second time, because it was, it felt like, I confess, almost like the same. The same as the first time? Yeah, it felt like that, even though it was completely different, actually. But also it felt like, a little bit like the dharma the first time and a little bit like the dharma the second time? Yes. In a different way. It sort of led you to continue to feel like it wasn't challenging your sense of reality? The first time it was a little bit, I think.

[52:43]

And the second time, I think I got into my own habit of just being entertained by it. So I kind of missed the freshness of it. And it wasn't so unexpected. Eileen's getting ready to come over here. So I guess it's covered then. With that glazed mind. The kind that people think makes them happy. So you feel kind of like congealed? Congealed? And tasty?

[53:43]

Yeah. Thanks for the talk. I'm leaving town pretty soon. And sometimes I'm getting a sense, I'm noticing myself competing with you. Yourself competing with me? Because you could leave town any moment too. Yeah. And I did here, well, enjoy it so long as it's here. And there is a truth that every meeting there will be separation again. And just don't quite accept it.

[54:54]

What don't you accept? But there are moments that are more bright than other moments. And then, yeah. You don't accept that there are some moments that are more bright than other ones? Is someone asking you to accept that? Kind of, yeah. Who? First and second over truth. They're asking you to... They're asking you to think that some moments are brighter than others? Mm-hmm. Oh. I thought they were saying that they're suffering because of thinking that there's some moments that are brighter than others. Huh? Is it not the same? Is what not the same? Is it not the same to say that some moments are brighter than to say that we think some moments are brighter?

[55:57]

People do think some moments are brighter. Yeah. But nobody told you that in the Buddhist tradition, did they? That some moments are brighter than other ones? But we do say that people think that, and because they think that, they crave the brighter, they crave the crispy creams. We say that, and because we crave the brighter moments, we think of the brighter, we think there's brighter, and then we have some idea where the brighter ones are, and then we crave them, and then we suffer. But we don't actually say that one moment's brighter than the other. We say all moments are bright. You say that very carefully, though, don't you? We say it carefully, yes. We do say it carefully. So I wonder if these precious people will not see a bright moment.

[57:05]

Can you hear her? I wonder if all of you see a bright moment. And how can that be helped, to see that? Could you hear her? No. Would you say it louder and slower, please, so that they can hear you? I wonder if you can see a bright moment. And I do wonder if there's anything in this whole universe that can be helping you to see a bright moment. And what I would say is, does there need to be anything to show me brighter or less brighter moments?

[58:44]

Could you speak up, please? Okay. What I would say is, does there need to be anything to show me brighter or less brighter moments? What makes you say that? The question, as I heard you say it, is, does there need to be something to show them? Please speak up. Please sit up here and speak up, please. Okay. The question, as I heard you say it, was, when I was in the audience, would I, as one of the audience, would I need something to show me brighter moments?

[59:46]

And my wonder inside was, Are there brighter or less brighter moments? And if there are, do I need anything to show me that? Or will I just naturally experience it? That's a question you have? So my question is, do I need something to show me brighter or less brighter moments? if I feel I naturally experience it. I guess I'll sit down too.

[60:54]

Okay. I was the person who said that, and I'm not sure I exactly said it the way you said it at the beginning of class, but that somehow I had a question about this context for me. And part of it was there's some people that I know really well in here I won't go as far as to say really well, but I've come up against them in different ways, and so I probably couldn't even tell you your name, and you couldn't tell me my name, probably.

[62:08]

And I think I've just figured out something, Choho, when you were speaking and people were trying to understand you, And let me just tell a really quick story because I think it's what I'm trying to figure out today. I have a person that I've been working with who can't communicate at all, or she could until about two days ago through blinking. And so if you wanted a question, you would take the alphabet that was red, green, blue, and yellow. And the alphabet was divided into four parts. And so there's six letters in the red group. And you'd say, you know, is the first letter of the tell me from the red group? And then she might look up. And if she could look up, then you'd know it was from the red group.

[63:10]

But sometimes she couldn't look up at all. So the act of getting one word that we would understand, an hour, two hours, three hours, and this is somebody who is wanting to die, so it's very complicated. And the number of people who are involved in trying to understand what she's saying is amazing, technology is amazing. But I think for me what I meant about intimacy is that we are speaking with one another. And even there, to actually understand, for me to understand what you meant about brightness I realized I would have to sit and talk to you for quite some time before I really understood what you meant by brightness.

[64:16]

I might mean something, but that's not necessarily at all what I mean. And what you mean may change tomorrow or in the next moment, and it probably will. So it's very fleeting. And I think that's really what I meant, that what I realized coming to class last week was that it's so fleeting that I kind of wanted to be home with my daughter, which is also fleeting. So thank you. I want to go back a little bit to what you were saying about the connection between intimacy and fear.

[65:16]

I kind of half caught what you were saying and it seemed to me when you were saying that intimacy is wanting us to be intimate. You were saying that somehow fear is involved. Intimacy is pressuring us to realize intimacy. Intimacy has already succeeded at being the situation. That's the way we are. But that also pressures us to realize it. Intimacy will not allow us to be comfortable with peace until we realize it. We'll be more or less afraid of each other until we realize this. So the intimacy doesn't allow us to not realize it.

[66:17]

It wants to be fully realized. and fear or anxiety is the basic stimulation to pressure us. And then, of course, if you don't face that, you get bigger and bigger problems trying to whack you into facing it. They get grosser and grosser and rougher and rougher until you finally say, But if you're not doing any of that major gross stuff, then you come down to the real thing to face is anxiety. The closest thing, the closest stimulation to the lack of intimacy, lack of realization. And when we have realization, we're not afraid anymore. And then we become a vehicle for the pressure for beings to realize it.

[67:31]

And we're not afraid to be a vehicle for the pressure. So how does that fear go away again? It goes away when you're no longer fooled by the appearance of being separate. We're afraid, we're anxious because of separation and believing it. That's why we're anxious. We cannot feel separate and feel at ease and at peace. There's some disturbance in feeling separate and believing it. And then if you don't face that, it goes from anxiety into fear and then it goes into you know, greed, hate, and delusion, and violence, etc. So realizing that we're not separate.

[68:35]

Realizing that we're not separate, and enough so that when it appears that way, we aren't fooled by it, because our mind keeps creating that impression that things are out there separate from us. So to know it well enough to not be fooled by it anymore. And to realize everything that's coming is realizing you. For that, some things that come we'll be afraid of, but everything that comes that we feel separate from we'll feel somewhat uncomfortable and somewhat disturbed by. And stories is one way to get and test to see if we're opening to the intimacy. So it needs to be tested. Yeah, we need to test it.

[69:37]

Sometimes you don't have to test it, For now, because you already see you're anxious, so you don't have to test. Then you're set to face the anxiety, be intimate with it, and be intimate with the stories about it, which is what we're doing here. Not too many people are asking to be tested yet. We're saying, I have realized intimacy, and I'm not afraid. If someone wants to say that, then we can test that person. most people are saying that they're struggling with this, trying to get more intimate with the sense of a lack of intimacy and the fear that comes. And that's part of the work. You know, it's a big part of the work. Well, I did it.

[71:03]

Part of my story was sitting back there wondering if I was ever going to come up here. And it felt like a far journey. But I want to express gratitude to you And you know, Ling Ji went to and got hit three times and wondered if he made a mistake. And I felt that. And then I came to in Japanese. And that was kind of a surprise. Like, I didn't think I was going to be going around counting people in Japanese.

[72:16]

But you asked us to learn how to count people in Japanese. And so I'm walking my dog, going and just doing that. And it became a practice. And so then I thought, well, I've practiced and I've given it value because to me there was a connection to the source from where that came from. that Suzuki Roshi practice and you were just like, well, what's up with this? Why am I counting people in Japanese? And I had the same thought and yet I felt like, you know, why not?

[73:18]

It's like given and so, and then it started, um, Going it started going in my dreams. It started turning into songs. I was singing the all those words in my dreams, I mean it just Became way bigger than I ever did It was kind of funny to be waking up in the middle of the night singing sorry for sorry In my dreams so So then this little haiku came, and I wonder if I can . It was, I'm counting people in the language of Japan. This must be . So I wanted to thank you for all that I'm receiving here.

[74:32]

And I mean, I don't know anybody here, really, except for I met a gal the other night under the stars when we were walking. Her story, Elizabeth. I just want to say thank you. I'm counting, I'm counting people in Japan. There's not much to Reb Zen. I know, but I changed it. Not Reb Zen. I'm counting people... What was the first one? I'm counting people in the language of... Oh, I'm counting people in the language... Not much to represent.

[75:43]

So now you've learned people in Japanese. Now maybe you can learn to... What? To... What should you work on now? Moment by moment. Yeah, so how are you going to work on that? Fall into it. Fall into it, moment by moment? Leap into it? Enjoy the donuts. In this matter of not knowing people, some expression that how can we practice intimacy with people we don't know, I also find that I don't really know people who I've spent a lot of time with either.

[77:37]

I find that when I think I know them, I kind of put them in a box, put myself in a box. I wanted to say that and also I have a story, if that's okay. It's short. Could you say it louder, please? Yeah. So about quite a long time ago, my had terminal cancer. He had treatment for a while, and then doctor came back with the bad news that it was not working and that he didn't have much longer to live. And when he heard this news, the first thing that he said to me afterwards was,

[78:49]

You know, what I'd really like right now is some Krispy Kreme donuts. Really? Yes. Here's another story about Linji's enlightenment. Wang Bo said to his community, In the old days, I had a companion in the way, a fellow student of Matsu named Dayu.

[79:59]

This man travels on foot all over the place and his dharma eye is clear all the way through. Now he's living at, I think, yeah, at Ta'an. He does not like to dwell among the crowds, but lives alone in a mountain hut. When we parted, he said to me, later on, if you should meet a spiritually sharp person, send them to me. When Wang Bo said this, there was a person named Lin Ji. After he heard this, he immediately went to Da Yu.

[81:11]

Once he got there, he told Da Yu all about what Wang Bo had said about him. In the evening, In the presence of Dayu, Linji spoke of the treatise on yoga, the Yoga Sutra, and discussed the teaching of mind only. He also asked for points. Dayu said to Linji, this old man lives alone but Dayu remained aloof all night and did not answer any of Linji's questions. When dawn came, Dayu said to Linji, this old monk lives alone in a mountain hut. Considering that you came a long way, I let you stay for the night. But I wonder,

[82:18]

How you shamelessly be spewing filth before me all night. When he had spoken this way, Dayu beat Lin Ji several times with his staff and pushed him out the door and shut it. He returned to Wang Bo and told Wang Bo what had happened. When Mangbo heard this, he lowered his head and said, an adept is like a blazing fire. It's lucky for you that you met such a man. How could you go there in vain? When Linji, or then Linji went again to visit Dayu, And Dayu said, before you had no shame, what is the reason again today?

[83:21]

When he finished speaking, he again drove Linji out the door with his staff. Linji returned to Wang Bo and said, this time I have not come back in vain. Ongbo said, how so? Linji said, at one blow of the staff, I entered the realm of the Buddhas. Even if my bones are shattered and my body smashed for a hundred times and circled Mount Sumeru countless times, carrying it on my forehead, I would never requite this profound debt of gratitude." Wang Bo, hearing this, rejoiced and said, You now know how to rest and you can even assert yourself on your own.

[84:31]

After ten days, Lin Ji again took leave of Wang Bo and went to Dayu's place. As soon as Dayu saw him, Linji immediately, no, excuse me, as soon as Dayu saw Linji, he immediately tried to strike him. But Linji grabbed his staff and immediately pushed Dayu down, and then he struck him on the back several times with his fist. All the while, Dayu was nodding his head repeatedly. and finally said, dwelling alone in this mountain hut, I thought I would spend my whole life in vain. I never expected that today I would, after all, find a son. Linji stayed with Dayu for ten years. That's another story of his enlightenment.

[85:37]

This is another story to see, to look at, and see. Is this your story? Or is it not your story? Is this Linji's story? Your story? Not your story. Not Linji's story. Where do you stand Are you intimate with this story or not? If you're not, how could you not be? How could you not be? Tell us about it next week. If you're not, tell us about it next week. Please. Thank you very much.

[86:50]

Beings are numberless. I want to save them. Illusions are unstoppable. I want to end them. Don't be so boundless. Oh, one other question for you. It's kind of related. Have you realized intimacy with me or not?

[87:36]

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