This is a very positive result of that. I would like to begin by saying again that the meditation practice that I wish to encourage may be called the practice of Buddha, or Buddha's meditation practice, or Bodhisattva meditation practice.

[01:13]

On being Buddha's practice, it is the practice of enlightenment. It is not one person's practice. It is the practice, enlightenment, of all beings. It is the same practice and the same enlightenment as all beings. That's the practice which I'm devoted to and wish to encourage in all beings, that all beings would join the practice and the enlightenment of all beings, which includes all unenlightened beings and all enlightened beings. Such a practice is, of course, not graspable by one person's mind, but a person who has consciousness can enter this practice and realize it, enjoy it, encourage others to practice it, transmit it, and so on.

[02:45]

So there is a practice which is the same as your practice and the same as everybody else's practice. There is an enlightenment which is the same as your enlightenment and everybody else's enlightenment. That is the practice of Buddha that I wish to encourage. This practice includes all doings. It includes every moment of individual experience. It includes every moment of karmic activity. It includes every moment when you imagine yourself as doing something. like sitting in a room or walking on the ground.

[03:52]

Every moment like that is a moment of your own mind being active, imagining you in some place in the universe, on the earth, in England. Every moment your mind is active does quote a story, And all the stories that you ever experienced are included in the practice of Buddha. Giving gracious attention to the story you have right now in your mind. And continuing that practice of giving gracious attention to all the stories in your mind, all the stories which your mind creates.

[04:54]

Or to say it another way, giving gracious attention, gracious and wholehearted attention to every action that you imagine you're doing such a practice will make it clear that nothing has an abiding self. And such a practice will open into the practice of Buddha. Such a practice will open you into the realization of the practice that you're doing together with everyone and that everyone's practicing with you. Our mind creates a little world, a little cognitive or a big cognitive representation of our relationship with all beings.

[06:02]

That's our karma. Every moment our mind creates a cognitive representation of our relationship with others. This cognitive construction, which is our karma, upon which we also speak and make physical postures. This karma, body, speech and mind, is based on our relationship with all beings. But it's not our relationship with all beings. What our mind constructs to represent our relationship with each other is based on our relationship with each other, but it's not our relationship with each other. It's a cognitive rendition of it. And that's basically what karma is. If we don't give gracious attention to this activity of mind,

[07:13]

If we don't pay open to that and pay attention to that, it will also not be possible for us to open to all beings and to the practice of Buddha. So we actually do need to take care of and pay attention to what we're doing or what our activity is. In order to open, to how our activity is in concert with our beings. So people, several people actually have come to me and asked me, like one person said, well, my ritual practice is to follow my breathing. Someone else says, my usual practice is to be mindful of my breath.

[08:22]

And he's actually said humbly, is that okay to do during this retreat? And we said, of course. That's a wholesome activity, I think. You also can wash dishes after meals. Someone said that to me, but someone could come to me and say, my practice is to wash dishes after meals during retreat. Is that all right to do? I would say yes. My practice is to sit upright in correct bodily posture and to walk upright. Is that all right to do during the retreat? Yes. Those are wholesome activities. One of them said, well, my practice is to take illegal drugs at Guy House. At the end, I would say, well, actually, that's not appropriate here.

[09:26]

That's against the policies. Perhaps you should do that somewhere else. Those are karmic acts. It was a karmic act that I am mindful of my birthing. So I'm not actually here to suggest to you that you be mindful of your breathing. That's not the job I have signed up for, to tell you you should be mindful of your breathing, or you should wash the dishes. That's not my job. My job is, whatever you're doing, whatever you want to do, and if you run a college and do meditation, fine, you can call your karma meditation. There is a kind of meditation which is basically karmic, wholesome karmic, probably. But whatever wholesome activity you want to do during this retreat and the rest of your life, you have my full support.

[10:36]

But what I would like you to do over and above, or all around, for example, following your breathing, I would like you, I hope you do it wholeheartedly. I'm here to teach you to practice wholeheartedly. Because if you practice any karmic act wholeheartedly, the door of Dharma will open, the light of wisdom will come in, and you will see and enter the practice of Buddha, which is not your karma, but includes your karma, and everybody else's karma. It is the practice which you cannot do by yourself. and nobody else can do for you. It's the practice you do with everybody.

[11:38]

That's the Buddhist practice. But again, as human beings, we have a mind which creates a personal story of what's going on. Like I'm in a retreat, being mindful of my posture, or being mindful of my feelings, or being mindful of my breathing, or being mindful of my mind states. That's what I'm practicing. Fine. But you do not need to follow your breathing. That's not required. You do not need to be mindful of your posture. You need to be mindful of what's happening. Whatever is happening, you do need to be mindful of that. And not only mindful of it, but I hope wholeheartedly mindful.

[12:41]

So, again, several people have said to me, what about mindfulness of breathing? And again I say, if you wish to practice that, you have my full support. And then, if you're practicing mindfulness and breathing, what can I say that would help it become wholehearted? Well, what I've already said is if you're involved in the practice of mindfulness of breathing, and if you're there in that practice, okay?

[14:06]

For example, right now, if you want to, you could become mindful of your breathing right now. I just was mindful of an inhaler. And another inhale. And another inhale. And an exhale. I can do nine-fold of that. Now how does it become wholehearted? What would I suggest to help that mindfulness of my breathing become wholehearted? I'm also mindful of my posture. I'm mindful of my hands. My fingers being spread and my hands extending in the air. I'm mindful of that. What would make that wholehearted? What would help that be wholehearted? Well, first, first, I open to all beings.

[15:12]

I make postures, and when I open to all beings, I do this with all beings. And then also, I'm honest about what I'm doing. Try to be honest. And be very gentle and tender with what I'm doing. And be upright with what I'm doing, with my action. And as you also may know, sometimes there's the practice of mindfulness of breathing inwardly, and mindfulness of breathing externally. That's a practice which some people do. In other words, they look at other people's breathing. There's mindfulness of posture inwardly, and there's mindfulness of posture externally.

[16:16]

They look at other people's, they're mindful of other people's posture. When they see somebody, they're mindful of the person's posture. Have you heard of that? No, it's in a sutra called the Mindfulness Sutra by the Buddha. It said, first mindfulness of body, inwardly, then externally, then both internally and externally, mindfulness of breathing inwardly, mindfulness of breathing outwardly, and both, and so on. This is a mindfulness practice. So again, then if you look at other people's breathing, if you see other people breathing, You see other people walking. And in seeing them, you can see this person, but you can incorporate into all beings. And you can be upright with this person, not leaning into this person, not leaning away from this person, being peaceful with this person, being gentle with this person, being harmonious with this person.

[17:24]

And then in that meeting with this person, opening to our beings too, we enter Buddha's meditation. The Buddha appears and we enter the Buddha's meditation. So someone said they felt that I was giving very big instructions, and they said, what about small instructions? And I wrote to them, is it clear what the small instruction is? What's the small instruction? Would you tell me? Pardon? No, the small instruction, the hard one is the big instruction. What's the small instruction? Pardon? Study the story. Study the story, yeah. What's your story? What's your story right now? Your story, does it include your body? Do you have a story about your body?

[18:30]

About where it is and what it's doing? The smatthu is your own karma. It's to pay attention to your own karma. Don't overlook it. It has consequences. And if you don't pay attention to your karma, the consequences tend to obscure the Buddha's practice. If we do not pay attention to our own karma, the consequences tend to accumulate obscuration to the ray, obstruction to the ray of Buddha's practice. If we do pay attention to our karma, it tends towards us noticing it and noticing it and noticing that there's something worth to confess and confessing it

[19:35]

and noticing it and confessing it, noticing it and being honest about it, noticing it and being gentle with it, and this way of being with our karma starts to open onto the Buddha way and melt away the obstructions to the Buddha way. So the small practice is to pay close attention, give close attention, give gracious attention to all your actions. But I'm not here to tell you what your actions should be. And even if I tell you what your actions should be, you will not do what I tell you to do. You will not follow my order about what your actions will be. Your actions will be determined by innumerable conditions, really doing one of them. In some cases, if I tell you what to do, you will do the opposite, just because of something. So I do sometimes request things of people, but I do that as a gift.

[20:43]

I do not request people to do something in order to get them to do it. I don't do that. Or at least I vow not to. to ask people to do things in order to get them to do it. I vow not to do that. I vow to practice giving, which is I request you to do something as a gift to you so you know what I want you to do. I don't tell you that to get you to do it. as me bow, is not to ask you to do things to get you to do them, but to ask you to do things to give you a gift, so you know what I want you to do, or what I would like you to do. So, although if I told you to follow your breath, you would not follow my instruction, occasionally you might, but mostly you wouldn't,

[21:50]

And especially if I got specific, you wouldn't. You will do something every moment for this retreat, and you will do something every moment for the rest of your life. You will be active from now on and throughout countless lives. You will be active. That's my faith, is that you are active beings now. I don't have to tell you to be active. You will be. I'm not here to control your action. I'm here to encourage you to give gracious attention to your actions. I'm not here to tell you what they should be. People ask me, thousands of times, people say, what should I do? I say, what do you want to do? What have you been doing? And then they tell me. And then I sometimes say, that sounds good. Or I sometimes say, that's not appropriate to do in this retreat center.

[22:56]

I give them those gifts. I say that to them not to control them, but to give them information about me. So people tell me what they're doing, and then I want to help them give gracious attention to what they're doing. Because if there will be gracious attention to what they're doing, they will enter the way of enlightenment. So, please look and see what you are doing every moment. I ask you to do that. But also I just tell you that what I think is helpful is for you to give close attention to what your karma is. And if you do, your karma will evolve positively. If you look and you find your karma is unskillful,

[24:01]

In other words, you find an unskillful story. If you look and find an unskillful story, and you look and find another unskillful story, and you look and find another unskillful story, if you keep looking and finding those unskillful stories, and if you confess that you have found them, and you feel how you feel when you find them, that practice will lead to your stories becoming more and more skillful. That's one of the laws of karma, is that when you watch your karma graciously and honestly and gently, your karma will evolve into more and more happy karma. And then when you have happy karma, But even in happy karma, when you have karma, and that happy karma tends to support you to be wholehearted about your karma, to be wholehearted about the karma and be wholehearted about the meditation in your karma, in that wholeheartedness, body and mind will drop away.

[25:24]

and you will understand the Buddha way. And the other way I was saying yesterday, which didn't get recorded, so I'll say it again, is another way to sell this is that if you care for your karma, if you care for your akshi, if you care for the stories which your mind has created, which includes the story of what your practice is, all these stories will turn into light. And you will be able to see that whatever you are experiencing is this genjo koan.

[26:39]

Whatever you are experiencing is the manifestation of the koan, is the realized universe. is the universal truth. As the Torah Zenji said, everything, all is the never-failing manifestation of the mysterious truth of the Tathagata. In any event, in any moment, in any place, none can be other than the marvelous revelation of the glorious light. You will see this. in everything, in every breath, in every pain, in every pleasure, in every action.

[27:48]

If you give this gracious attention to your action, wholeheartedly meditate on your action, your actions will probably reveal the glorious light of Buddha's wisdom. So the content of the Buddha's meditation, which you could say is the content of Zen meditation, because Zen meditation is Buddha's meditation, the content is this realized universe. That's what we're looking at. So you may be looking at your breath, you may be looking at your posture, You may be looking at a feeling. You may be looking at another person. You may be listening to a crow. Whatever your experience is, whatever manifestation there is that you're aware of, the content of the Buddha's meditation is the light of that thing.

[28:49]

The Buddha sees the light in all things. but we have to pay attention to each thing wholeheartedly, because if we're not wholeheartedly looking at somebody, our heart isn't open, so we can't see the light. But if you can open to the phenomena, whatever it is, and be that way with everything, you will also open to the genjou koan, to the realized universe, to the Buddhist light. So I'm on the verge of bringing up some other exercises to open your heart, to open it even wider than it may have already opened. And I... I've experienced that in bringing up these other exercises which open the heart even more, people do have some resistance to getting their heart open even more.

[29:59]

So I'm going to stop for a little bit here before I go into the next heart-opening frontier. And see if you understood what I... what I said in my response to what you called people asking for about nuts and bolts instruction. Any questions about that? Yes, and what did you want to do? Would you come up here, please? It was a question about confession. Can you hear her? Would you speak up, please? It's a question about confession, following on from a practice of becoming aware of all the stories and our karma. And as we said, it's about needing to confess that, or part of the practice is then confession.

[31:04]

Yeah, part of the honesty is confession. So is that to another person, or is that just speaking it to ourselves, or... your question sort of is a harbinger of what I spoke of earlier about this opening poem. The confession, first of all, it's being honest with yourself, because you have to notice the karma. Like, you have to notice this, perhaps, a competitive thought in your mind of putting yourself ahead of someone. And then a traditional way of confessing is to go to see a teacher, your teacher, tell your teacher. also a traditional way. In the early sangha of the tradition, the monks would confess in public to the other monks.

[32:05]

So they would do it before the Buddha and the fellow monks or fellow nuns. And so actually... the fullness, the full open-heartedness of the confession is to do it before other beings, and particularly open up to the big ones. Open to the big ones, the ones who really love you, unobstructedly. So, is it necessary to make it verbal, Out loud, or is it? Is it necessary to make it verbal out loud? I think it's more wholehearted to do it mentally, physically, and verbally. Confess it wholeheartedly. Sing it from the top of the highest hill. Even tell the golden daffodil.

[33:07]

Now my secret love's no secret anymore. Confession is about being wholehearted, you know. And to say, is it necessary? I would say, I'm not saying it's necessary or not necessary. I'm saying, what's wholehearted? Don't hold anything back. It just seems I could be doing that all day. You could definitely be doing it all day. Thank you. And that would be an extremely soul-hearted person. You would be confessing and you would be enlightened at the same time. In our Bodhisattva Precept Ceremony, after doing the Confession and Repentance formula, which we did this morning, We say to the person, from now on and even after realizing the Buddha body, will you continue this practice? The person says, yes, I will.

[34:11]

But I often think, and people think, well, if you had realized the Buddha body, why would you need to confess? So enlightenment and confession of shortcomings go together. It's a strange thing about the tradition. We're confessing our twisted karma. Yeah. And we're enlightened. Yeah. They go together. Rather than, I have nothing to confess. And I'm enlightened. No, it's... Self-hearted confession and wholehearted enlightenment are close friends. Okay. Thank you. Pardon? That trip, you don't remember again? Huh? You know? And I said, you guys came closer.

[35:13]

I just asked before, I said, I said, you know, I would be back, but it was bad. You, you, you are requesting that the Paternian talk to you? No. Right. So if you'd like to show John something with your face, go ahead and do so. Yeah. You're welcome to sit here and if you'd like to share a dream out of the frozen, let's just say a phrase. Do you want to share it too? My name is Janine. I know. I've known you for 25 years. Is that how long? Well, actually 26.

[36:15]

I thought it was 21. No, I think I met you in 1981. Is that right? I think so. In the little town of Totnes. That's right. Well, at least that's right. On a lane on the hill that has little hedgehogs walking in the night. Oh, right. I saw my first hedgehog around the corner from your house. Is that right? Gosh, there are lots of rabbits now, aren't there? Mm-hmm. They don't have these pins in them. People would like you to speak up, Janine. Okay. Rob, I have a question about what you were just speaking about, about being conscious about everything you do. And my question is, How can you be conscious about everything you do without becoming self-preoccupied and also without getting the feeling that you should do it like everybody else?

[37:26]

Did you hear her question? conscious of what you're doing without becoming self-conscious and without becoming self-conscious and preoccupied with how to do it like everybody else. How can you do it without that? Probably in your case you wouldn't be able to do it like that. So if you start giving attention to what you're doing, and what you're doing, and what you're doing, and what you're doing, you'll probably want to become self-conscious. And you'll probably want to become preoccupied with the things of everybody else. That probably will happen to you because your question makes me think that that would happen to you since you brought that up. to succinct it. However, if we continue that practice, then we don't really know what we're talking about. If we don't know what we're talking about, the self-consciousness will lower, basically turn into radiance.

[38:34]

And when proactive patient will do it, the soul is in abundance, will turn into the glorious soul, into lotus-western. The more we plan to become very vibrant, the more we'll get involved with stuff like self-consciousness. And what we will do in order to avoid anything, in order to do, because if you put a tissue together around the nervous system, then it will simply close the virus and close to the rest of it. And if you're open to your own behavior, if you start paying attention to your own behavior and then open to it, you're going to open to the stuff that you have never noticed before, which is uncomfortable. Like, I can't go to prison, I can't go to the United States, I can't go to things like self-cultivation, and I can't go to the center of the people, whatever.

[39:36]

So that's a part of what we have to face. And if you're open, because you're becoming invited, you're open to difficult, curious states and beliefs. And if you practice with those, and become really excited with those, all these things will not just disappear, but open you to, not just wisdom and enlightenment, So would you say that spontaneity is a personal thing? Spontaneity is a personal thing? I would say that spontaneity can happen to a person. Right. and that people, human beings, can open to the wisdom which understands that spontaneity is something that is practiced together with everyone.

[40:38]

That everyone is participating in the spontaneity which you're enjoying. I see. Great. That's wonderful. Can you hear her? Could you speak up, please? Okay, I can. Let's hear you speak up. That theme is a bit far away. Okay, I can speak up. When you had your first talk, the opening evening, you were speaking about the circles and the circle, but I'm not a Buddhist, so I may have misunderstood it, but I had a particular question about what the Bodhisattva is in relationship to the Buddha and what you were saying about the circles. And you did say to us that you hadn't quite, you'd come back to the point you made

[41:42]

On Friday night, the first Dharma talk you gave, and it was something to do with the circles. I said, imagine your karma. Yes. Imagine your intention as a circle. As a circle. So part of what I'm suggesting as a traditional teaching of the Buddha is study your karma. The Buddha teaches to give close, gracious, and eventually, close-hearted attention to all your actions. Which is to say, give close-hearted attention to all your intentions, all your stirs. So I said, imagine a circle which is your stir of your life. Imagine a circle which is your intention, that's your kundalini. And pay attention to that circle. At the center of that circle, another circle, which is a vow. And in the center of that circle is a Bodhisattva vow.

[42:50]

So at the center of your story, actually, there's a vow in the center of your story. There's a solemn, deeply sincere commitment and promise, which you can't see usually until you start to study your karma. The more you study the karma, the closer you get to discovering that there's a vow in the center of it. And there's a bodhisattva vow at the very heart of it. In the middle of all your actions is actually a deep, sincere wish to live for the welfare of the world. And if you hold hard enough attention to your karma, you will discover this good, good vow. And that vow, though, will, it seems, open and sure kind of fills up and show up to be the Buddha way.

[44:01]

The restrictions will be relieved. The kind of obstructions will mark the way when we throw this place at the center of your life. Thank you. Yes, thank you. And that center relates to being conscious in every moment of your actions. Discovering the center relates, the discovery of that center relates to paying attention to the whole field, the whole circle, the big circle. Right. Which is yourself, because... It is yourself? No. Yourself is the addiction. Your karma is the way you see yourself in relationship to the world. Your intention is not yourself. No. Your intention is how you see yourself in relationship to others. If I want to be kind to you, that intention is the way I see myself in relationship to you.

[45:10]

That intention is not me. But I come with an intention, and so do you. People come with intentions. People come with karma. People come every moment with a story of their relationship with others. And sometimes the story is, my relationship with these people is I'm their friend, I'm their servant, I'm their helper, I'm devoted to their welfare. That sometimes is the way that the person sees themselves in relationship to others. And that's karma, that view. It has consequence. It's a nice, good karma. But that story is not the self, that's a story about the self in relationship to others. The self, the person, comes with stories about himself or herself. So you come with stories about your relationship with others. And the way you see yourself is your attention. The way you see yourself in relationship, the pattern of your relationship with others is represented in your mind as your intention.

[46:19]

Thank you. Yes, thank you. And I can see the importance of the intention, especially in the year 2007. It seems to be a more urgent thing than ever before. Yes, it's the world's most urgent time. Thank you. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Thank you for your questions. If you'd like to talk to, to show your face to the group, or if you'd like to talk to the group, that's also fine with me. John would like that, right, John? Would you like to see the people's face a little bit more? Yes, please. Mind racing, John. No, no, no. If you don't need to use this, you can just bounce it out.

[47:30]

My question is about... I forgot my question. My question is about Buddhist practice. And I'm... Can I say something? Yeah. This is not a criticism of you, okay? But there are several people who have said they're not Buddhists, right? And this one said, I'm totally okay with that. Because then they're talking about Buddhist practice. I'm talking about Buddhist practice. Okay? But Alison would like to ask about Buddhist practice, which I would be happy to talk about. Buddhist practice. You want to talk about Buddhist practice? I just want to give an example of what's going on in my mind. Okay, that's good. for example, I am start off watching my breath and then I might be filled with thoughts of anxious thoughts like Well one would be like I don't want to have my tea because I'm not hungry yet and

[48:48]

That would be an example. So I get kind of start to be anxious that I've got to have tea, but I'm not really hungry, so I don't really want it. So I watched the thought, and I suppose I'm not sure how wholehearted I am about it, and I don't know when to stop watching it and to go back to say, well, to move on to, or I don't know when to finish watching it and maybe go back to my breath. Because one thing I find is that watching the thoughts about tea, say, actually activate my mind and my mental energy, and I don't feel calm anymore. Could you give me another example? Okay. Right, so she's telling a story about one day when she's,

[49:54]

she has a story that she's giving attention to her breathing. Is that right? And in another moment, she has given attention to anxiety. Is that right? And then she says, if in another moment she gives attention to anxiety, and in another moment she gives attention to anxiety, she tends to start to feel, did you say agitated? Or? Well, my mental energy kind of increases, so I feel I'm kind of getting lost in this. She feels she's getting lost in anxiety, okay? So, if I, [...] as long as you're breathing, and with the brain there, one practices being upright and gentle and peaceful and honest and one is open to all bullies, then a bully may come who is anxious,

[51:18]

And when the virtuous bird comes, one continues to be open, if one continues to be open, and will be upright, and gentle, and honest, and peaceful. A low being may come, and it may be another anxious being. And if you continue that practice, then you will not Or as you see, then you will actually see the Buddha teaching you the Dharma. Now, then you will enter the Buddha way, in this way, together with the Buddha, all the Buddhas. Just from the thought of your breathing, kind of like, And if you're following the breathing and you're open to your breathing, and open to all beings while you're breathing, even though my anxious beings really are not going to let me go right now, either here or there or outwardly, all that seems to be happening is breath.

[52:37]

Hello. Open to breath, open to not breath, open to breath, open to all beings. Upright with it, gentle, tender, honest, peaceful, harmonious with this breath. If you're that way with the breath and open to our beings, the Buddha will appear to you and you will enter the Buddha way in your reading with your breath. It's not really how long I should pay attention to the breath, how long I should pay attention to the anxiety. It's whatever comes. We want it the same way, with complete relaxation, uprightness, gentleness, honesty, and peacefulness.

[53:43]

I'm finding it quite hard to, when I study the anxiety, to see when I wholeheartedly meet the anxiety. That's why I'm wondering if I'm finding it hard to see the light in that anxiety. You're finding it hard to see the light? Did you say? Yeah. Are you trying to see the light? Well, you said that I would meet. You said something about meeting. Well, I want to be with her. Yeah. The light of women's world, if I were a volunteer. Yeah. No. Yes. Yeah. She has a lot. She's been honest that she hasn't yet. Right? Yeah. She's a professor. She has a right. It's still a right. But it's worse to... Okay?

[54:50]

So be honest about that situation. If you continue to be honest about the situation of mass elutive light, okay, you'll be upright with that. Not the slightest bit of linearity. Whoa, is it going to happen? Or leaning backwards like, I'm not going to play anymore if I don't get to see it. Or like, what if I slip around the side and I can see it? No, upright. I'm not trying to get anything out of this practice. I'm upright with it. I've heard that I'll see, I've heard that if I'm upright, I will, I will, revelation will come if I'm upright and gentle and so on. But I must, but honest also, honestly, I haven't seen it yet. Okay? And you might say to me, you might ask, is the reason why I haven't seen it because I have not yet reached first the heart of this? You may answer, it may be. yes, you have not yet reached full, 100% developed self to being where you are in this way.

[56:02]

Not yet. What you're going to do, what you're going to drop away, and there's no obstruction anymore to the light, what you're going to hold is in everything, without exception. It's in your breath, it's in your anxiety, it's in your teeth. Everything is another in the glorious light of the Buddha. But if we're not truly open, a slight bit of clothes is enough to shut the door. You're welcome. And we have a practice for being, for psychosis, psychosis and big seizures. That's a good question. I feel slightly closed. I feel a big, heavy closing. And I'm mostly closed.

[57:04]

Please come. Can you hear me again? Jenny. Juliet. I feel very nervous. There's a story I have that I'm compassionate and loving and kind to beings, and then there's another story that happens frequently. An example of it is in the queue for breakfast this morning and I'm looking at the apples and see all sorts of different apples in the dish. And I go for the nicest apple. And then I heard there's a being that comes in that says, what about all the other beings here? How loving is that to take the nicest apple out of the dish?

[58:04]

And this is kind of how life is generally. There's a being that wants to survive and therefore wants good things. The best room in the house, the nearest toilet. And then there's the being that says, oh, no. let go? What about other beings? And it's survival and... I don't know what the question is, but there's one there. Well, could you hear? So, I rejoice in your wellness of the stories. which are arising with your consciousness. I rejoice and praise the mindfulness and the attention to your mental activity, to your karma. This is very, very helpful to you and to all of us that you do this.

[59:15]

And then, if you can be upright with this, When you see those different stories, like you see these pleasant stories and you see these embarrassing stories, if you can be upright with them, like when you see the pleasant one, don't wail into them. Like, oh boy, I got a good one here. I'm really a good, compassionate one. Don't wail into that. Don't touch it. It's a mass of fire. But also don't wail away from it. Say, oh no, I'm not compassionate. No, no, no, no, no. If it's a compassion story about your life, be upright with it. And be gentle with it. Maybe you're a little gentle with compassion stories, but sometimes you have a hard time when you say compassion stories are not gentle. You go, I got it. That's amazing. So you can be gentle with horror stories, or you can be gentle with horror stories.

[60:18]

Or you can be ungentle with both. So be upright with it, be gentle with it, And be honest. I feel like you're being honest. Got the honest part. That's the confessional part. And be peaceful with it and harmonious with it. Practice that way with these stories and you will and also open to possibly being even more open with them and including, you know, more beings than we have so far. in this meditation practice. And that's the way I'm recommending. Thank you. He can just come up. He can just come up and go, let's go.

[61:20]

He can come up and go, let's go. I wondered if you would say some more about some of these rituals and forms that you invited to take part in. Because on one level, I think they can seem to look... They can seem to be restrictive and... controlling, controlled, and... For example? For example, if, well, sitting cross-legged very still for a very long time seems to be quite... can appear to be a restrictive practice, and bowing when we come in, or... Okay, so sitting still for a long time could appear to be a restrictive practice.

[62:21]

Everybody hear that? So, if I'm sitting still, right now, and I maybe have this story that I've been sitting still for quite a while now, and I'm feeling, when I'm feeling about my feeling, I'm feeling I should keep sitting still longer, and if I don't keep sitting still longer, uh, you know, like I was struck by Buddha's lightning, or a certain master would beat me up, or I'd rather be a good person, okay? If all that thought arises, is this probably what he's talking about? Yeah. If such a thought arises, if such a thought arises, and you meet it with complete relaxation,

[63:23]

and you're gentle with it, and tender with it, and don't try to get rid of it, like, get out of here. And when you're in harmony with it, then that story will turn into the glorious light of wisdom. and I will experience total bliss. Now, some people, they sit that way. They sit still, and they actually, they have the story, other people have the story, that they've been sitting still for quite a long time, but they don't have the thoughts, like, if I move, it's like curtains. For example, me, okay? I've been sitting for quite a while, 30 years, you know, have been sitting here for years.

[64:32]

I've been sitting a lot, upright, still, for a long time. I don't feel like, I feel no restriction. I don't feel like, hey, if I move, it's not really bad. I feel like... When I'm sitting in a field as a gift to other people, I feel like, hey, I'm here sitting in the room. That's what I'm sitting for. I'm not sitting to get concentrated or to have a bliss state. I'm sitting here so you can have bliss states. I'm sitting here as a gift to them. I'm sitting here so they might want to sit here with them. If I go in that room and sing with them, they'll appreciate it. I will encourage them. Some people, they don't really help them. And when I get up in the room, they like that too. Whatever I do, you know, they like it. I don't have any restrictions that I'm used to.

[65:33]

So I went down to the Reddit, and I said, I will gentle with it. And I was upright with it. And it turned into a letter. So, but now that thing doesn't come anymore. Like, you should not move. And some Zen teachers say, You should not move. Don't move. You think Taoist says, Don't move. So we can just confess. I remember when I was a head of practice, I had a very good friend who said to me, Don't move. If you do, I will hurt you. I don't say that anymore.

[66:35]

But I just did. It's one of those things where we say what we don't say. Oh, don't say. Don't move. I will hurt you. I don't say that. But when someone does say that, you see what he says. You want to see what he says? Or outside your head. What do I say to do? Meet it with openness and gentleness. Meet it with openness and gentleness and uprightness. Uprightness, I understand. Be balanced and harmonize with it. Harmonize and be peaceful with your sense doing it. What you said, you do not move. This is the true way. And if you end up doing anything else but that, you will go straight to hell." This could have been said. He was then terrible.

[67:41]

And the Buddha's teaching about what to do with that is, do it with complete relaxation. We don't just have, it was in temples, oh, we love you, whatever you do, so chill, be relaxed. We heard that. We're like, yours, be on time, and so on and so forth. And when we hear that, we make that with complete relaxation, with gentleness, and uprightness, and be ready in that gentleness to go wherever it may be helpful. So the practice is very restricted. The practices are opportunities for constriction. The practices are opportunities for dressing up. The practices are opportunities for giving up. The practices are opportunities for stiffening up. The practices are opportunities for closing down, filling up, and dying. And they're also opportunities for hoping. for relaxing, and for loving.

[68:48]

That's the four. The four. The popular students and the unpopular students. And if the unpopular student is there, you want to give some assistance, or you want to notice and then confess it. That wasn't the unpopular students. If you're the unpopular student, is there anything you want to say to them? Yeah, I guess whether the practice is sitting or chanting or bowing or washing the dishes or entering the hall, the practices, all those practices are there for that. All practices are there for that. All those practices. you can stiffen it, or lean into, or lean away from, it'll be disharmonious with, it'll be disrespectful with, you can be dishonest with, you can have all those unhelpful responses to. And whenever you have an unhelpful response, you can read that response wholeheartedly. And that unhelpful response can turn into radiance if you meet it properly.

[69:52]

Do you understand? Anything is the role of the universe as that thing. And if you relate to anything properly, you can see the light of it. But again, some things are very difficult to relax with. When some big, giant system, it's very difficult to say, hello, good morning, boss. I told that Woody Allen story, you know the Woody Allen story? But it's one of those interviews where there's a bank robber in it. I would call it a very auspicious bank robber. Do you know that story? They're not scared of bank robbers, so what happens to those guys if they're caught?

[70:54]

And they're sent to prison. So they're sent to prison and they're inducted into jail. And the head guard in the prison is indoctrinating, initiating into prison life and trying to teach them to be good prisoners. and follow the rules. And the head guard says, if you hear a very soft sound, blah, blah. So he's a very frightening, monstrous head guard. And if you don't do this, I'll hurt you, basically, right? And William says, any questions? And William raises his hand. And he says, do you think it's all right to pet on the first date? Yes. They got him a big huff yesterday.

[71:56]

Big one. A big hoof. A big one. A cord. And I... Yesterday. Wanted to lose. I was planning it. Throw the whole lot in. This is the story, huh? This is the story. We created this story. I'm blaming you. So that's what I blamed you. Oh, I know. I blamed you. Because... I blamed you because you indicated to me how I could work with one of the things I know I need to work with and in a different time and place would welcome and would ask you, but I couldn't take it really.

[73:01]

You know, talking, talking. You couldn't take something? No, I mean... in the action of event, these, uh, this anger and, uh, oh, uh, I was going. It made a difference. It was also a relationship. Talking. Maybe you could be silent during retreat. Yes. She was talking about talking to someone, and I said, well, it is a policy here to try to be silent during retreat. I said that to her. Could I say something about the hugging? – Could I say something about that part? – Yes, you could. She was hugging with someone, and I said that, if frogs don't love, there's one other policy a guy has against hugging.

[74:04]

Do you know what that's called? I haven't read about the policy against hugging, but there was a policy to be silent during retreats, right? So I said to her, but I think there is a policy about being sound, so you can try to be sound from the West unless you think speaking would be inefficient. In that case, of course, it would be good to speak, but that is the policy. And when you did something like that, what did you do with it? Good time. Good time what? How dare you? How dare you? How do you know? How do you know? You invite somebody to do it, and you're in that situation, and when they do it, everything comes up. Wow. It came up big time, and so I planned. I was going to go this morning.

[75:06]

That's when you came to get your... Not so. No, no. Where are you? I told her I'd give her a present the last day, and she came here today. Well, I should be more aware of that, but I wasn't aware of that. I thought I came because I misunderstood the day. That was my story. You weren't still planning to leave? Hello. I was over it. The light came. Instead of going to bed, like I usually do habitually, because I think I must get rest so I can wake up. I haven't been waking up, so I thought I should have been. I thought, I'm not going to bed, damn it. So I went out. And it was. Was there a moon? There was, and stars, and silence, and people, and enjoying.

[76:13]

And it was all so vast. And end of story. So I slept very well without trouble. Miraculously, as I don't usually. Yeah. But it was, yes, it was there. And sharing it in the silence, I appreciated the silence. And so this morning was no connection when I came. Okay. Although you did ask me, didn't you, were you planning to leave? You asked me that, but I wasn't then. I was... So may I ask another question? These things are very vast and uncommunicable in words.

[77:28]

So would it be all right to sort of put that on Valukiteshvara and sort of give her that understanding for you or If it's too much, the... If it's too much? Yes. You want to give it to Avalokiteshvara? Yes. Because she... She already has it. You don't have to give it to her. But you can make offerings to Avalokiteshvara. That's fine. But allow her to... Take care of it. She already is taking care of it. Well, formally, could you do that?

[78:33]

Formally, you could do it, but it sometimes doesn't make sense to give her what she's already doing. She's already taken care of infinite compassion. You don't have to give that. That's her job. She's already doing it. So when you say something's too good, you mean something too good for you? Yes. Yeah, don't give that to her. Look, you test for her. She's not going to do it for you. It's your job. You may not be ready for it yet, but you may not be ready for her job. But don't think that her job is going to excuse you from opening to her job. I see. She's there to give you infinite compassion. If you're not ready for it, it isn't really appropriate to give it back to her before you've accepted it. But you can confess to her. It's okay to confess to obligates as far. I'm not ready to accept your compassion. I'm not ready to accept infinite compassion.

[79:36]

It's more of a confession. I'm not ready for you. You're too big. I can't open to your level of compassion yet. I confess that. So that's very appropriate, very traditional. Go to the bodhisattva of infinite compassion and confess, I cannot open to infinite compassion, I cannot open to all beings, I confess this to you. And if you keep confessing to the bodhisattva of infinite compassion, and you do it in this proper way, uprightly, gently, and so on, gently with yourself, gently with the closed feeling, if you practice that way, the obstruction to infinite compassion will melt away. The great leaders have done this. They have confessed that they are not yet ready to be a great being. And they've confessed that they're not ready to be a great being to great beings.

[80:41]

And confessing to great beings as you're not yet ready to open to them and open to all beings like they're doing, that melts away the root. So confess to Avalokiteshvara. Don't give Avalokiteshvara your limitations. Give her your adoration. Give her your confessions. I confess my limitations, I don't give you my limitations. She is totally open to your limitation. She is totally open to your limitation. She loves you in your limited form. She loves you in your present state of development. She is tender with you and open to you and upright with you. If you're not ready to be that way with her, then confess it. Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva, I confess to you that I'm not yet ready to accept your great compassion. And after you confess it, then how do you feel? I don't feel so good about that. I don't feel so good not accepting your great love. But now, even though I'm not quite ready, I want to learn to accept your great love.

[81:48]

I want to learn that. I do. I want to be your successor in this world. I know you're ready, but I want to learn to be that way. That's a traditional practice, a traditional way to relate to the bodhisattvas. And again, as Devon pointed out, you could make that into a restrictive ceremony, but that's not necessary. This can be something that can be done very gently, very sweetly, very tenderly. tenderly confess your heart, which isn't quite willing to be totally tenderized. But I would like it to be. Thank you for your confessions.

[82:53]

Would you tell me your name again, please? Katrine. Katrine. I would like to ask more about wholeheartedness. I've been trying to really go deeply into my experience. I tried it with one experience a few times. And as much as I try, when I'm there, I go from one little point to another. Can I say something right away? Did you hear what she said? She has this intention or desire to go deeply into her experience. But the way she put it, right away I think, oh, what she's telling me is her karma. This is a comic. This is a story she's telling me about how I wish to go deep into something.

[84:31]

And then she's going to tell a story about how I went. And she's relating to wholeheartedness. Well, the path you wish to take is potentially a good path. Okay? But the way she's equipping herself to the path doesn't sound wholehearted to me. It sounds like a half-hearted way to go on a journey into depth. Do you know what I'm not hearing in her story so far? I don't know what I'm hearing. Anybody? Yes? Yeah. I'm not sure. She's going to go deeply. I'm not hearing that, I wish to go deeply together with all beings and to go on this journey without bringing the Buddhas with you. If you want to go deep, they're the best people to be with you.

[85:32]

Get into depth. If you want to go, bring the Bodhisattvas and bring all of us. That would make your trip more wholehearted. And that also pretty much changes the character of the trip. If you're going down into a deep, if you're going deep and you're going with everyone, if you don't get to go deep, it's not really much of an issue at all, because then we're all not going deep. My little trip, my little project of going deep, If it's a good project, maybe I would, I don't know why, find out something very helpful. Do you think you might find something helpful if you went deep? Of course. Sure, she thinks she might find something helpful if she went deep. We wait. But before we even go one step deeper, if you do it self-heartedly, before you go one step deeper, we'll find what you're looking for.

[86:34]

It's already here. Before we go deeper. It's right here now. And if you wish to go deeper, you can do that too. But to do it by myself is not wholehearted. That's just another comic story. And if you watch that comic story, that's good. But it isn't wholehearted until you're doing it together with all beings. How can I do it together with all beings? How can you do it? Yeah. I have nobody. Everybody's on their own story. They're on their own story, but all of them are supporting you and all of them are with you when you're on your story. And you can open to that.

[87:35]

So what is the difference to first? What is the difference to? To what I said first, that I try to go in. The difference will be that I, together with our breeders, want to go in. So it's in my intention? Well, it's in the vow. I'm going to open this up to all, and I'll explain this. that when you do something, you also make it something you're doing with the Buddhas. You have a relationship with the Buddhas and bodhisattvas to take care of. But again, just on the level of, like if I go shopping, you know, I can think about my wife or not. Or if she goes shopping, she can think about me or not. But if she does think about me, it's a more wholehearted enterprise than if she doesn't think about me.

[88:46]

If you include other people in your learning when you're doing something, it's more wholehearted. And I know that some people will definitely want you to include them when you do certain things. You realize that if you don't think of them when you do it, they would feel excluded and maybe, yeah, they would feel unaccounted if you didn't have faith of them. And I would actually think, how could you do that without thinking of me? And what I actually get was, I didn't want to be hurt-hearted. I didn't want to open my heart to you when I did that thing. When you do something, Do you think, okay, would this be beneficial to everyone? I don't want this to be beneficial to everyone. I want to include everyone in this. But we don't necessarily know what we're thinking, but if you do that, and we tell you we did that,

[89:50]

they often think, did you think of me when I did that? People often, I often have this experience, people have this thing, so they say, did you think of me when I did that? Because it doesn't seem like you thought of me. I don't feel like you thought of me. And they almost always say, no, you didn't. I wasn't thinking of you when I did that. That's why it doesn't feel like you did. I think if you had thought of me, you would have at least asked me about it beforehand. Or you would have thought, I think I should ask him, or I don't think he would have liked that. I wouldn't have known that he would have liked that. So it's in your mind that you open your mind to all beings and that you act with that openness that you're including everyone in your actions. That makes it wholehearted. And also that makes almost anything you do in life I don't know what the word is. It's not nearly as important, almost the only act you can ever do is not nearly as important as the fact that you're open to everyone when you do it.

[90:54]

Because even an unskillful act, if it's in this context, turns into the Buddha way. And even a skillful act, if you don't have this openness, it's skillful, but it's basically quite constrictive, quite constrictive and petty. Because you're excluding people who you're related to. You're excluding people who you are already related to. You're not honoring your relationship with beings. But that's our usual way, so we have lots to confess. But then I also believe in interconnectedness with people. So you also believe in it? Yes. I'm saying the same thing. Yes. So when I do something like what I said before, or even being here, this is for me Well, it's something which I'm not only doing for myself.

[92:02]

Good. But you're not only doing it for yourself. However, when you talked to me, when you spoke to me, you said, I want to go deeper. And they were going to say, but they were going to do this. I go from point A to point B. They started talking about what you were doing. Yeah. So the way the language was coming up, I didn't hear it how you were thinking. Okay? And so now that you believe that, you weren't necessarily enacting it with your verbal karma. And the reason why you won't do it with your verbal core is you won't think you need it as you were talking about it. You will visualize yourself going deeper. If I say, do you feel connected to everyone? Are you going deeper? You say, yes. But you didn't see it that way. On your story, you didn't see, here I go together with everybody. And if you learn the story of many generals, okay, they do this. They try to do certain things. Heroes and heroines try to do various good tasks, and they fail.

[93:03]

And then they open, and the helpers come, and then they succeed. For example, this retreat. Everybody here believes in interdependence, interconnectedness, right? Even the non-believers do. Okay? But some people, quite a few people, generously have given in their minutes One notes where they tell me, I missed this period because of this. I missed this period because of that. I was low because of this. I was sick. I was tired. People informed me. This is a ritual, an accident of inner connection. They think, oh, I'm going to miss the period. Only way I should tell Reb, because he cares about me. He feels connected to me. And if I do this without talking to him, he doesn't see me. He doesn't know who I am. That will have an effect on him. But they think of me when they do that. Now, if you come to the Zen, if you come here, you don't have to tell me, because I can see you.

[94:07]

But if you go to a place else and you don't tell me, you won't know. But even if I can't see you with my divine eye, you're not enacting our connection by sending me the notes. So you have done it, and I really thank you for that. And I ask people, you know, please let me know. A lot of people say, I didn't really care. I didn't know you felt connected to me. Well, I do. Especially during this retreat, I feel like whatever you do, I'm totally responsible with you for this retreat. So that's the reenactment of it. This means just a background thing. It's to implicitly, we implicitly believe in independence, but explicitly, it's sometimes not being expressed. So, Is it clear?

[95:09]

Wonderful. Thank you so much. So, bring us along on your journey, okay? That last talk fits quite well with the question that I have, really, which is that I'm quite ill at the moment, so I have lots of pain in my shoulder and shooting pains in my head and pains in the middle of my back and my arm. And I really struggle with... whether I should force myself to sit and meet the pain, really, or go and lie down.

[96:15]

Also, I didn't know that you cared either, so I haven't left you any notes, but would you like me to? Yes, please. Yes, please. Yes, please. And we could tell your considerations about what is beneficial for you and for all of us. Now? In each case. In each case. A little bit about it. Like, I think it would be beneficial for me to go rest. So I... I do not force myself to participate in this retreat. I don't force myself to do so. I want to. I'm happy to. And I don't want you to force yourself to participate in some particular way. I want you to find the way that sounds beneficial. Find the beneficial way of participating. Look for that.

[97:18]

Be devoted to that and be open to all of us while you look for it. So, when you're in pain, I definitely think it's a good idea, whatever pain arises, I think it's a good idea to face it uprightly and tenderly. Don't force yourself into some situation that's painful or pleasurable. But when pain comes, I do think it's good for you to focus it. But also I think it's good for you to do what you think is good for your health. As a retreat activity, we can have sick people in this retreat. You don't have to learn the retreat if you're sick. We do have sick people in this retreat. We have people who are sick. Various types of sicknesses. It was a way to care for sickness, which is called the Buddha way.

[98:22]

When the Buddha was sick, and the Buddha was sick not just at the end of his life, the Buddha had back problems. Did you know that? Shakyamuni Buddha had back problems. His back hurt, and sometimes it hurt so much that he did not think it was a good idea for him to sit up in his usual beautiful upright posture. So what did he do? He reclined. And he took his robe off and gave it to his senior student to give the Diamond Talk on his behalf while he was reclining next to his student giving the talk. He was still the Buddha, and he was still the Buddha Ray in the reclined posture. So, and so people are reclining in this room.

[99:27]

I completely support that. If you think that that's beneficial for you and for us, and if it's beneficial for you, truly it's beneficial for us.

[99:37]

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