This practice place is devoted to the practice of the bodhisattva precepts, the precepts of those beings who aspire to complete awakening in order to benefit all beings. And the first of these Bodhisattva precepts is called Going for Refuge in Buddha. And there is a ritual a basic ritual of this temple, of this practice place, and of almost all Buddhist temples, a basic ritual of going for refuge in the Buddha, in Buddha, of returning to Buddha, going home to Buddha,

[01:21]

and lying on Buddha as a primary way of living together with all beings in birth and death. birth and death. Someone just called me yesterday and told me about the birth of a grandchild. She was very happy. I was happy for her

[02:26]

And here in this temple a number of our brothers and sisters are teetering intimately on the interface between birth and death. And the whole community is aware of this close to this, looking for a peaceful and harmonious way to be at the center of birth and death. Going for refuge in Buddha is a basic ritual in response to birth and death.

[03:40]

And the ritual doesn't reach the actuality. The actual source of Buddha doesn't reach it, but it realizes it. I want to say a little bit about what Buddha is. In the tradition called the great vehicle, the Mahayana, the Buddha is completely free of birth and death, completely free of the world of suffering, of birth and death.

[04:54]

And simultaneously the Buddha is limitlessly actively involved in the world of birth and death. In the Mahayana there is a discussion of nirvana and samsara. Nirvana being peace or freedom, samsara being cyclic existence of birth and death. In the Mahayana, the Buddha attains a nirvana which is completely free of birth and death and never abandons birth and death. There is a challenge in the history of the Buddhist tradition in this world that during the early phase of the tradition, people thought of Buddha attaining a nirvana, which was complete cessation of all suffering and complete cessation of participation in the world.

[06:43]

But then later, the disciples of Buddha experienced insights which led them to propose another nirvana, a nirvana which has no abode, a complete freedom that never abandons the world of suffering. a nirvana in which Buddhas work to liberate all beings and simultaneously understand that there's no beings at all who are saved. Understanding that there's no beings to save or not to save is part of the complete freedom of the Buddha.

[08:00]

The other part of the complete freedom of Buddha is to actively work in the world of birth and death. This understanding is not so simple as just that Freedom is the cessation of involvement in the world and the cessation of involvement in all conditioned states of body and mind. Logically that's simple. It's more complex and logically intention that we have both involvement in creation and no involvement in creation. The Buddha mind is an unconstructedness in stillness.

[09:04]

It doesn't construct anything. It's completely free of construction, of any kind of construction, of world construction. And it simultaneously is involved in construction of worlds. This is part of, I think, of a confusion that many Buddhist meditators experience because there's some instructions which say, Buddhas don't think, meditation is not thinking. And then Buddhas in the scriptures say, I'm always thinking. Buddhas are always not thinking and Buddhas are always thinking. They're always not creating, not constructing, and always constructing.

[10:06]

They're always constructing thoughts like, how can I help all beings enter the supreme way and quickly attain Buddhahood? And they're always not thinking. And they're always realizing that there's no beings to save. They do both simultaneously. There's a ritual to return to such a state of awareness, such a state of being. And then there's practices. But for beings that are not yet fully realized Buddhas, it may be that we have to go back and forth between two kinds of practice. One kind of practice where we give up all construction, we give up thinking.

[11:13]

The other kind of practice where we're always thinking. Now most people are always thinking. But the kind of practice that the Buddha does is to always think of how to assist, to cause, to help beings enter the way. What can help beings? What can help beings enter the way? How can my life be given to help? They always think of that. That's one kind of thinking. That's the only kind of thinking that Buddhas do. And that kind of thinking makes worlds, constructs worlds, contributes to worlds. Just like thinking of my own welfare constructs worlds.

[12:20]

But the world thinking about myself and my own welfare rather than the welfare of all beings, constructs the world of birth and death. The thinking, always thinking of how to help others, constructs Buddha worlds where beings can learn to think like that and where beings can learn to give up thinking. Give up constructing. Give up constructing past, present and future. Give up constructing any idea of what practice is. Give up constructing any idea or any world of truth.

[13:31]

Give up all construction and enter the unconstructed stillness of the Buddha mind. And when from that world or with that world you start thinking, think like a Buddha. Always think. How can I help? I wish to help. I promise to help all beings enter the Buddha way. And I also recite the teaching that although countless beings are saved, not a single being is liberated. Think that way when you think. That's how Buddhists think.

[14:34]

That's how Buddhists suggest we think. Other Buddhists also suggest and demonstrate not thinking. If you would consider opening to a practice, which is the practice of the Buddhas. The practice of the Buddhas is the practice of all beings. It is the same practice and the same enlightenment as all beings. This practice is not my thinking, is not your thinking. It is the way each of us has the same practice and the same enlightenment as all beings. This is unconstructiveness and stillness.

[15:37]

To be present with not constructing anything is to be present with the same practice and the same enlightenment as all beings. But honest people, sometimes hearing of this kind of practice, I just recently heard some honest people say, but I feel like I have to plan for the future. If I don't plan for the future, I won't be able to make a living. Or even if I can make a living, my mother will be afraid that I won't be able to make a living. If I tell her I'm at a Zen center and I'm not planning for my future, she will become frightened that I won't be able to make a living.

[16:44]

And even if she's not frightened, I'm a little frightened that I won't be able to make a living if I spend too much time not thinking of the future, not planning my education or my employment. I'm afraid I won't be able to make a living. My mother's afraid that if she doesn't think of the future, or of my future, that we won't be able to make a living. Of course, everyone makes a living their whole life. No one doesn't make a living until they're not living anymore. But most people worry during the whole lifetime about their lifetime, about their livelihood.

[17:57]

So places like this set up special opportunities where you can come and consider the possibility that for a certain period of time you could actually let go of thinking about your future, thinking about how to make a living. For some period of time you would be in an environment where all the people in the room with you would say it's okay for you not to think of your future. And then notice that even then you don't trust that you could give up trying to control how life goes. That's helpful to find out that even if your mother tells you that you don't have to think of the future, even if everybody tells you, still somehow

[19:16]

we have this habit of thinking and the habit of thinking is that we must continue to think and that it wouldn't be safe to stop thinking even for a short period of time now I'm saying Buddhas are always not thinking of the future. The Buddhas are always not thinking of the future. They are the ones who are showing us the way of life. Not thinking is an essential ingredient in making a living. That's really the way we make a living, is by not thinking.

[20:21]

If we don't know that, even though we're making a living, we're afraid. Another way we make a living is by thinking of the future. Because when we think of the future, we're also making a living, always thinking. Anybody who's thinking of the future is making a living. But people who think of the future and make a living while they think of the future, who can't give up thinking of the future, are afraid. Those who can give up thinking of the future are not afraid. including of course that you can think of the future and give it up. You don't have to stop thinking of the future to give up thinking of the future. You just have to make every time you think of the future a gift.

[21:31]

You just have to stop using thinking of the future as a way of making a living. If I stop thinking of the future, I might not make a living. If I stop thinking of the future, I might not be supported. I must keep thinking of the future because I do not believe that everyone supports me, whether I think of the future or not. I don't believe that I will be supported whether I think of the future or not. Thinking of the future, now I say, I am supported. Not thinking of the future, I am supported. I say that to you and I hear myself say it. When I think that, one hundred percent, I am not afraid.

[22:36]

And I'm also not afraid when I think that 100%, to say that whether I think of the future or not, I support everybody else too. If I can't think 100% that everyone's supporting me, that everyone, everything is supporting me, if I can't think at 100%, then I must think 100% that I'm supporting others. If I can see that I'm supporting others 100%, I will see that they're supporting me 100%. If I see that they're supporting me 100%, I will be able to support them 100%. Not support them 100%, open to thinking that I do. And in opening that I'm supporting others 100% and they're supporting me 100%, in that awareness, I can give up thinking of the future.

[23:40]

I can give up thinking and worrying about people making a living. I can see everybody making a living. And I can think. How can I help them enter this path of making a living? By what? By being supported by all beings and supporting all beings. That's how we make a living. But if we don't give up our thinking, we cannot see that. We must be like a Buddha. We must give up our thinking about the future. Make our thinking of the future and the past gifts. Never use them to control. just make them gifts, along with every other kind of thinking. Making all thinking gifts is to give up all thinking, is to give up constructing worlds of birth and death.

[24:50]

And it is to be fearless, and it is to be ready to enter the world of birth and death. actively fully participate in it to show others how to actively participate in it without constructing anything. I'm saying that there is this proposal that the Buddha is a simultaneous giving up of construction and fully participating in it, giving up thinking and fully participating in thinking, simultaneous.

[25:59]

Until Buddhahood, it seems that we have to go from one side to the other. So we need to, in other words, to practice the Buddha way we need to do both practices. We need to think. We need to think, think, think. We need to promise to think. We need to make vows. We need to make vows of thinking about how to benefit beings all the time. And then also give ourselves to giving up thinking. Not getting rid of it, just letting it go. We need to spend time opening to the Buddha's practice which is the same practice and the same enlightenment as all beings.

[27:04]

When I would open to the same practice and the same enlightenment of all beings, I might not be thinking at that moment, how can I help beings enter the supreme way? I might not think that. My mind might be quiet. Or it might even be hearing the sound of a bird. But whatever's happening in my mind, I'm concentrating on making it a gift. I'm not creating anything. So that's one kind of practice where there's no construction going on. We're opening to no construction. And again, that part then, part of us resists it and says, but I have to do something. Confess that and let go of that. Make that a gift and return to unconstructedness and stillness. But when the mind starts constructing, then always have it constructing something which means, how can I help beings?

[28:22]

So there's a going back and forth perhaps between these two ways of practice. And that would be each person's own style of practice. And both styles can be opportunities for resistance to arise because of our past thinking, which says, you know, but, [...] but how am I going to take care of this and that? And I would answer to that, well, you'll see how you do it. You'll see how you manage to walk in and out of buildings or drive cars if you practice this way. You'll see how you can actually make your thinking a gift.

[29:32]

And you can see how you can do things like brush your teeth, but brush your teeth as an expression of the question, how can my life, how can my toothbrushing encourage beings to enter the supreme way? Asking that question, thinking that way. And also noticing when I do not want my toothbrushing, to be an expression of wondering how I can help all beings. I'm resisting my life being devoted to the Buddha way. I don't want to practice the Buddha way. I want to have my way.

[30:36]

My way, my future, my safety, my suffering. This muda way is really just very irritating. Or at least the way he's talking about it is. There's room for every form of pettiness. It's all welcome and included. All of our small-ness is welcomed into this way. But if I don't welcome it, I miss the way which welcomes it.

[31:40]

The way which welcomes it is always going on. The Buddhas are always welcoming all beings and always not constructing or thinking about all beings. No matter how petty we are, the Buddha mind welcomes us. And if we welcome, no matter how petty we are, this is the Buddha mind. If we welcome how petty other people appear to be, this is the Buddha mind. If we make a gift of the discrimination between people of different levels of pettiness, this is the Buddha mind. Giving up discrimination among the open and the half-open beings, the devoted and the lazy beings, giving up that discrimination, making that discrimination a gift to all beings.

[32:52]

This is the Buddha mind of giving up thinking. and also I am devoted to all beings of all levels of development is also the Buddha mind. I give my life to always thinking about that. But it's difficult to always be going for refuge in Buddha. But part of the tradition is to promise to continue to return to Buddha. What Buddha? This amazing Buddha, this amazing unconstructedness, this amazing one practice and one enlightenment of all beings, which is constantly thinking of the welfare of all beings, this Buddha, to constantly return to it, is essential and basic practice, which is available right now for all of us.

[34:18]

And again, as we struggle with birth and death, with all the changes that are coming into our life, into our community, with all the births and deaths, this is recommended as the basic practice to benefit all beings. I've heard the recommendation and now I join the recommendation to you and to me. Right now I say I'm completely convinced but because of past karma I sometimes can get distracted. But I've noticed, I've been able to notice the distraction and confess and repent it. But I haven't changed my conviction that going for refuge in this great mind

[35:44]

of unconstructed stillness which is always thinking of the welfare of beings. I haven't changed my conviction, my conviction hasn't changed that this is something to take care of in this world for the welfare of the world. I can't imagine anything that's not included, anything good that's not included in this. I just can't. Anybody can tell me, I'd be happy to hear. But it seems like a really good path called the path of going for refuge in Buddha. May our intention equally extend to every being.

[37:32]

Could you say something about the concept of being liberated and how that is a position of being saved? Could you say it again, please? Yes. Versus being saved. I didn't mean to say versus. Did you think I said versus? Well, this is my interpretation. You're making a distinction between being liberated and being saved? Yes. What do you mean by the distinction? To me, being saved is more of a passive thing. Uh-huh. And being liberated is more from within. Uh-huh. I think you could use them synonymously. If you want to use, if you want to think of a, what do you call it, a passive salvation, you could have like a passive salvation, an active salvation, and a salvation which includes both.

[38:50]

If you're saved, you can do whatever you want. Would you like a muffin? We'll go up. In response to her question, at one point in your talk, it sounded like you said there's a difference between liberating beings and saving beings. It sounded like that? Yeah. You agree? Yeah. I know what sounded like that and I know that that's not what you said. Oh. If you want to hear what you actually said. What did I say? You were making a distinction between saving beings and there being no beings that are saved. But you then changed the verb to liberated.

[39:56]

Oh, I see. I see, uh-huh. That's what happened. No. Yes, that was... I vowed to save all beings, but there's not a single being saved. I vow to liberate all beings, and although innumerable beings are liberated, not a single being is liberated. Okay? But if I switch the saved and the liberated, you might think there's some distinction. I vow to save all beings, and although innumerable beings are saved, not a single being is saved. Okay? So for me, the synonyms in my mind, they come out intermittently with each other. They're all mixed up in the process. Confusing innumerable beings, none of whom can be found. You said one thing about thinking about the future, letting go, or maybe not thinking about our future in a particular scenario or stage.

[41:13]

For myself, I think often about when my mom was older, I wanted to care for her. And maybe that's four years from now. So it's like four years of fishing. I'm thinking about it. I need to work. I need to save money. What if she doesn't have anything to cover her cost? I need to price for her to go with it. All of these different things. And so I need to plan my life so that it's not just for me. I need to care for her. It's like life. Well, right now you can care for your mother by letting go of your thinking. Right now, I don't know about your mother in the future, but right now, if you let go of your thinking, that will help your mother.

[42:18]

And not just your mother, also your relationships with everybody. You don't have to wait for 40 years before you start helping your mother. In other words, you can help her right this minute. by giving up your thinking, by making everything you think a gift, not just to your mother, to all beings. That will help your mother. Now if your mother was right here and in your presence while you were giving up your thinking, then it might in some ways be easier for her to see your generosity. But the effects of your generosity reach your mother at infinite distances. And in the next moment, if you'll continue to practice this giving up your thinking, that will help your mother again. So you can help your mother every moment that you practice this way.

[43:26]

But you won't be just helping your mother. You'll be helping everybody. by giving up your thinking. So you're a normal human being, you think. Okay? Is that all right? Me too. But it's unusual for human beings to make their thinking a gift. That's not so common. So when they don't make their thinking a gift, they miss the actual gracious process of reality. They miss the way they're helping their mother and their father and their uncle and their brothers and their sisters and their friends. They miss it. It's there, but they miss it because they don't join the process of giving up whatever they are. And a big part of what we are is we're conscious constructors. We're thinkers. We're storytellers. That's a big part of what we are. But that being that way supports all beings.

[44:29]

And also, all beings support you to be that way. If you participate in that consciously, intentionally, then you realize how you're helping your mother. And it would also be easier for your mother to pick up on how you're helping her and how she's helping others. When she starts to realize how others are helping her and how she's helping others, She'll start to realize how others are helping her. And she'll start to participate in understanding how she's helping and being helped. If she does that and you do that, then you're helping each other and you don't have to wait till later when you get rich to help your mother. You can help your mother now. And she can start helping herself now. not helping herself, but realizing that the way she's generous is helping her. If you do not practice this way, and your mother doesn't meet somebody else that practices this way, and if she doesn't learn this, even though she will be supported, she will be supported to the end of her life, maybe materially very well,

[45:53]

But even if she is, and she doesn't learn this, she'll be afraid the rest of her life. So that's too bad. But if you can learn this, you can teach this to her, and if she learns this, regardless of her level of material support, which she will be supported the rest of her life, everybody is supported as long as they live, by definition. Some people are starving, but they're alive until they die. And many people who live in affluent situations stop eating as they get older, as an act of generosity, happily. But some other people are eating right up to the last minute, and they're scared right up to the last minute. Anyway, we are supported as long as we live.

[46:58]

We do not live without support. Nobody can live without support. Everybody lives with support and everybody supports while they're living. This is the reality which I propose to you. If you can join this, this will help your mother. And hopefully she will learn this so that she will be fearless and joyful before long. And you can make plans, like for example, you can plan to get up tomorrow morning and practice meditation. You can plan to have breakfast tomorrow morning. You can plan to work at Green Gulch tomorrow morning. You can plan like that. But if you plan to try to control, rather than plan as a gift, then you'll be afraid At the moment of planning to control, you will be afraid at that moment. So you have a plan, yes, but you're afraid.

[48:01]

But if you have a plan as a gift, you will not be afraid. If it's really a gift, like now I can make a plan. I plan to meet you in the Cloud Hall after this talk's over. In fact, I just want to change the plan. I plan to meet you out there after this talk's over. But I don't plan that to control you or me or my future. I just do that as a gift to you. So you can see that I can make plans with you as gifts, not to control you or me. In fact, I can and I do live like that. I do make plans as gifts, not as controls. Sometimes I slipped into planning as control, but then I feel sick. I'm very fortunate because if I try to plan my life, I feel sick quite quickly. It's obviously unhealthy for me to try to plan my life, like to try to plan how I can meet lots of people and help them.

[49:09]

It's like very sickening thought. If you think about planning to help one person, one mother, or one child, it makes you sick too, but you might not notice it. But if you think about how to take care of 100 children, you realize that if you're doing it to control the health of the children rather than as a gift, you notice that you get sick. But if you just think of giving yourself to 100 children, hey, I'm their problem. They have to deal with me after I give myself. So you can plan, but the planning must be a gift. Otherwise, it must be a gift if you want the planning to be beneficial. If you want to have trouble and pain and suffering, then plan to control things. Plan to control things and plan as an attempt to control things. Then you'll have a regular, middle-class, suffering life. By middle-class, I mean in the middle of all living beings. Because most living beings are trying to plan to control, including chipmunks and ants.

[50:17]

Does that make sense? Ann? Yes. Is there another hand there? Yes. In Spanish, there's an expression, me muero, which means I'm afraid. But if you translate it directly, it's I die. So you're saying the Spanish word for I'm afraid is I die? Any other expressions like that? Okay. She said in Spanish there's a word which the meaning is I'm afraid but literally it means I die. And she was wondering if there's some other languages where something like that is... We have the expression morbid, right?

[51:18]

Yes. Making thinking a gift as opposed to just thinking? Well, you kind of said it, I'll say it again. People do think, right? That's just normal. People are thinking all day long, pretty much. And I would say that their thinking is a gift. But if they don't actually make their thinking a gift, they miss that it's a gift. And they actually might think that their thinking is not a gift, but it's the way things are. Like I think this is a good person, rather than my thought that this is a good person is a gift. It's not that the person is actually a good person. It's that I think they are.

[52:35]

And I don't stop there. I make my thinking a gift. Now, if I think this person is a bad person, that's also not saying that this doesn't have to be that I really think this is a, I should say that I believe that this is a bad person, just that I think they're a bad person. Plus, in the case of thinking that it's a bad person, I make that a gift too. So no matter what I think, I make all my thinking a gift. That's what I'm recommending for me. All beings support me to think whatever I think. So all my thinking is a gift sort of to me. But if I miss that my gift, my thinking is a gift to others, I miss that all beings are giving me my thinking. So by noticing thinking, we become fearless and we start to open our eyes to our mutual support.

[53:41]

So thinking is the first practice of a bodhisattva, of an enlightening being. It's the first way to change our perspective from getting to receiving and getting to giving. So we pick what we're doing all the time. We pick our activity. So we're active beings. So when are we going to start practicing giving? Well how about now? Since we're active, make our action a gift. Which in reality, in Buddha's reality, our activity is a gift. It's something given to us and something we give to others. You are a gift to the universe and the universe has created you. You are a gift to and from the universe. If you practice giving, you start to open your eyes to your relationship with the universe, your generous relationship with the universe.

[54:55]

If you don't consciously practice giving, If you don't remember that you're practicing giving, you can get more or less distracted from that. To some extent, some people get to the place where they don't see any giving going on. They're totally immersed in a gracious situation, but they're totally closed and blind to it. So they feel, of course, horrible and terrified. That making some sense? Good. Yes. I really enjoyed when you were talking about how you were kind of touching on this a second ago, how I'm here to support all beings 100%. But what I really enjoyed was when you said all beings are here to support me 100%. And if we believe that, We lose the fear that comes. I'm not sure exactly how you said it.

[55:58]

I was wondering if you could talk about that a little bit. You said it good enough. Yeah, it's good, right there. How do you practice that? Well, like right now, you're moving your arms and you're talking. So just make what you're doing right now a gift. nodding your head, make that a gift to me and everybody here. It is, so make it that. What you just said was a gift, so you can say, I did that as a gift. I can walk up to somebody and say, hello. They might think it's a gift and I might miss it. Or they might think it's not a gift and I might think it is. But if I really... mean it as a gift. I'm not saying hello to get something from them. I'm not saying hello to control them. I'm just giving myself and my speech to them. If I really feel that, they will start to wake up to that it was a gift.

[57:01]

Even if they don't like me or me talking to them, they start to realize, yeah, he's really obnoxious, but it was really a gift. And my realizing that I'm a gift helps other people realize I'm a gift. But it also helps me realize that they're gifts to me. Even if they don't like me, they're gifts to me. And of course a lot of people help me grow by not liking me. So I'll see if I can see that they're gifts to me. But when I really feel generous towards someone and they don't like me, it's not so difficult for me to see that their dislike of me is a gift. But if I don't feel generous and somebody likes me, I may miss it as a gift. If I'm not generous and everybody's trying to be generous with me, I can miss it. But if I'm generous, I start to see, oh, they're generous too, even though a lot of them have a problem with me.

[58:04]

I still feel like, thank you very much for helping me really be generous beyond my wildest dreams of how it could be. Is that enough? You know, when I... Can you hear her? No. She says, you know when I... Speak up, Kathy. I'm trying. You know when I... I'm trying. When I give wholeheartedly. Yes. So when I bring awareness to...

[59:07]

to anything, to a movement of my hand, to words. So when I give wholeheartedly, it breaks the heart wide open. When I give wholeheartedly, and that is, then I see, I receive the gift. Right. I agree. Could you hear her? She says, when I give wholeheartedly, it breaks the heart open, and then I can see that I'm receiving gifts. In other words, that everything, in other words, not yours, everything that comes is a gift. You don't take anything, everything's a gift. Everything you experience is a gift. And it's a gift that's coming to you and it's a gift that's being given.

[60:10]

It's both ways at once. And give that too. And just keep giving. Because that's what's happening. Join what's happening. And give that too. Yeah. It's kind of fun, and then it's also kind of like, hey, give me a break. This is too intense. It's kind of painful, too, yeah. It's kind of everything. So can I go off to the side someplace and hang out where it's not so intense, please? Sure. No, no, no, no, no, no, as a gift, right? Yeah. Yes. Yes. Watch to see how I accept it, what I give it, or how I use the paper, how I see this video.

[61:48]

Is that the gift right there? It's appreciated, but now I have an opportunity to... Yeah, basically, you got it. That's it. That's right. You said, at one point you said, is that the gift right there? That got a little too concrete. Just before that, you were doing fine. But don't try to substantialize it. Yeah, yeah. You wouldn't experience anger except in those fairly rare situations when anger is helpful. What would be anger? It would be anger that you weren't offering to hurt anybody.

[62:50]

You know, it was an anger that maybe that you're offering to stop a charging bull from hurting somebody, you know, by shouting at somebody. The kind of aggressive energy can sometimes be helpful. What if somebody was shouting at you? Pardon? What if somebody was shouting at you? Yeah, well in that case... And I'm accepting it as a gift. Yeah, in that case you probably wouldn't get angry. In that case, you'd probably say, wow, what a gift. Yeah, my experience is usually that's the way it is. But if somebody is about to be hurt and some hot energy coming off me would be helpful, it might look like anger, but I wasn't offering it to hurt anybody and there's no disrespect in it. You know, like I use the example of my daughter walking near the edge of the street and me yelling really loudly, no.

[63:59]

You know, a very fierce no. It looks like anger, you know. It looks just like anger. I understand that. Huh? I understand that it's safety. Yeah, that's the basic way of using it, safety. Or somebody's lying, you know. Or I should say, if I'm lying and somebody yells, no, it's sometimes like, thank you. I got very angry at my mom. Anger definitely can be a gift. Yeah.

[65:00]

And when anger is a gift, it's appropriate. But it's, you know, not very often. I seldom see anger as a gift in my life. It's just... Huh? Oh, anger towards me is a gift frequently. But me feeling anger towards others, for me, it rarely comes up as a gift. But sometimes it does. Once in a while, a wonderful anger arises in me which I see as a gift. Once in a while. But usually anger that arises in me is not as a gift. It's some kind of controlling thing or a derivative of fear. or a derivative of pain, like feeling disrespected and feeling pain. Instead of dealing with the pain, getting angry, that's quite common.

[66:03]

That's a gift too, but I usually don't see it as a gift then. If I would actually see it as a gift, it would be a totally different anger. And that one usually, by the time I see it's a gift, the anger's gone. It's passed. Yes? I use the word lesson frequently instead of gift. Because a gift just arrives. But a lesson is something that can help me to change and improve and change my behavior. Yeah, that's fine. Okay? Thank you. Yes? What does it matter where one begins and how one begins?

[67:07]

Not much. I mean, not much means it's always the same place and always the same time. But it doesn't matter which always the same place and always the same time it is, because it's always the same place and the same time. Second question. Okay. When you were speaking about how the Buddha is not thinking, the Buddha mind is… You want to use that microphone for people that are having trouble hearing? Yes. When you spoke about how the Buddha mind is not thinking and yet thinking. Buddha's always not thinking and Buddha's always thinking. According to the Buddha, I'm always thinking.

[68:09]

That's what the Buddha says. But sometimes the Buddha's not saying anything. And a lot of times when Buddha's not saying anything, the Buddha actually is not thinking anything. the Buddha's in a state of unconstructedness, where there's no thinking going on. Buddha's live there. They're not doing anything. And that's where they act from. And when they act, they say, I'm here and I'm thinking about you. So they're always thinking. They're always, you know, thinking of how they can help beings. And they're always totally focused and concentrated in not thinking, not constructing. And then from that not constructing, their constructing comes. And their constructing makes these Buddha lands which they're trying to invite people into. But they have to actually create Buddha lands by thinking, and they do think. So they're both always thinking and always not thinking.

[69:13]

We You need to do a little of both, back and forth, either frequently back and forth or five minutes here and five minutes there or 40 minutes here and two days there. So you kind of need to keep track of what kind of practice you're doing. Are you doing the unconstructed openness kind of practice or are you doing the positive thinking practice? And Buddhas do both simultaneously. Beings that aren't completely enlightened go back and forth. Could you talk about how that ties into, it sounds like, when we talk about in the Heart Sutra, the emptiness? The emptiness is the unconstructed. In emptiness, there's no thinking. There's no eyes, there's no ears, there's no nose, there's no construction going on. So Buddhas are actually aware of that and meditating on that all the time.

[70:18]

So they both see the emptiness, the ultimate way things are, and they also see the constructed way that things are. So they're participating in the ultimate and the conventional world simultaneously. They're in nirvana. but not abiding there, so they can also be in samsara. They're in the world of peace and the world of strife simultaneously in Mahayana Buddhism. In early Buddhism, it sounds like they were just in the world of peace. But if you look at the behavior of the Buddha, it doesn't look like that. It looks like he was in both. I did? Okay. Okay. Yes. Hi. I was wondering about the part about other people being angry at you and just accepting it as a gift because I feel like when people are really putting out that energy that it feels like they're suffering quite a bit too.

[71:29]

Sometimes they are suffering. You know, they're suffering for my benefit. It's very nice of them. Yeah, but on the other hand, you don't want to be what you call in Western terms passive aggressive, where maybe they're angry for a reason. You don't want to be passive aggressive? Yeah. Right, I don't want you to be. Yeah, so that's why sometimes it feels like if someone's really angry, you have to really pay attention, I guess. Part of being gracious is to pay attention to the person who's doing you favors. So you pay attention to them, yes, definitely. Yeah. Yeah, and the person seems to be angry with me, seems to be irritated with me. I could be wrong, too. They might actually not be angry with me, but anyway, whatever they are, and plus my own thinking about what they are is also a gift to me. My thinking what they are is a gift to them and to everybody else. Everything's a gift.

[72:31]

So if you just see it with generosity, then it kind of diffuses that. What? If you see it with more generosity, then... If you see it with generosity, yes. It diffuses whatever's there, perhaps. If you see it with generosity... I think you need to hold it farther away from me to hear it. Oh, okay. If I see it with generosity, what? Then it diffuses it. It diffuses it? Does it diffuse it? I don't know if it diffuses it. I think it more like turns it into a gift. It doesn't diffuse it. It makes it more valuable. It turns it into a precious thing when I see it as a gift. Before that, huh? But you said your own anger, it doesn't feel right. I'm saying usually. Not very often do I see my anger as a gift. When I do see it as a gift... Yeah, usually it's more like I'm recovering from it when I see it as a gift.

[73:35]

But sometimes I see it as a gift right when it's happening, and that's like a glorious moment. There's no manipulation in it, it's more like, wow, and it's not even mine. And it's just, wow, this is amazing. And usually the other people like it too. Usually. But that's rare. What time is it? It's almost time to stop? Yeah. Yes. What time is it? It's 12.18. 12.18. Wow. Yes. Yes. Speaking of which, I'm just wondering if you can talk a little bit more about thinking about the future. So you said that it's okay to think about the future as long as you recognize it as a gift.

[74:43]

And I'm trying to understand that with being in the present moment. How can you think about the future and see it as a gift, but also being in the present moment? Monday. Monday. So the word, you said that, then Monday came to my mind. You're asking this question and Monday came to my mind. It was a gift to me. Now we can say, okay, Monday, should we make a plan to have Monday? Want to? We could. Let's have a plan to have Monday. Let's have Monday tomorrow. Okay? Am I trying to control anything by doing this with you? I'm not, really. I'm not even trying to control you to understand what I'm saying, but you might. This kind of Monday planning that we're doing now, to plan to have Monday, is not trying to control anything. And I'm just doing that playfully with you right now. I have a mind that can play games right now with you who has a mind like that too.

[75:47]

So we're planning on having Monday. It's just totally a gift, not trying to control anything, and it's in the present moment. It's got nothing to do with some future time. We can see that right now, right? It's just like, hey, let's forget it. Let's have Tuesday tomorrow. Okay? Totally ridiculous, let's have Tuesday, right? This is not really, we're not really in the future now. We could, we could get into that. I don't know, somebody could say, this could be upsetting for somebody. Wait a minute, tomorrow has to be Monday, and I'm planning on it being Monday. And I want it to be Monday, otherwise I won't get paid. This can happen. People can think like this. And then we can be generous towards that if somebody thinks like this. But we can talk about Monday without being any of the slightest bit off-center from the present moment. Like during this conversation, we've been talking about Monday, which in some sense is not the name of the present moment. Not tomorrow you say, okay, tomorrow's, I mean, on Monday we can say, Monday's the present moment.

[76:47]

Okay, fine. So you can be in the present moment and make plans. As a matter of fact, all plans are made in the present moment. They're never made any other time but the present moment. And you can lose sight of that and feel like you're leaning into the future even though you're in the present moment. Right? We can feel off-center, yes, but we're actually presently experiencing off-center. It's a dream, but we can dream. So, what do you say? Sounds good. Okay. Yes. Yes. I feel like I can't do anything that isn't a strategy, and that doesn't sound like letting go, that even to let go, I stop thinking of it as a strategy.

[77:51]

Just now you said, I feel like I can't do anything that isn't a strategy. Was that a strategy? I don't know was the first thing I got speechless there. But I feel like even bringing this up is a strategy for me to let go. Now you feel that way. But a moment ago you kind of didn't know. That's right. So kind of not knowing is sort of a soft strategy. But it's a strategy. I take it back. Okay. If you say it's a strategy, I would say it's a soft strategy. You're kind of relaxed about your strategy if you don't really know if it's a strategy. But I didn't really think that you... It didn't look like that was a heavy-duty strategy when you said, even when I bring this up. Yeah. No, anything I bring up.

[78:52]

That didn't sound like a strategy, but you could say it was. But still... Even while you did that, could you see it as a gift? Yes, because it's, yes, I can see that it's in line with my wish to benefit. Did you see it as a gift as you gave it? Yes. You did? Okay, good. Then even if everything is a strategy, if you make it a gift, you'll be free of it. then I have a question on whether or not to adopt a strategy. which is I'm reading a book about organization, and I really love it, and it's the idea of having all these open loops and closing them because then you can have more peace of mind if you close a lot of the open loops around you. And for me right now, grace is a big open loop. And I have, I want to say, I have legal action against me, and that's a big open loop.

[79:58]

And then just life and the way my own habits and my disapproval of myself. So I feel these are open loops. So I'm working really hard to try to close these loops and clearly. So when I catch myself caught in them. Would you tell me how grace is an open loop? I feel I'm listening all the time for how she's doing, or I'm aware. And I might forget it in a moment, but I feel physically, I just feel that these are physical, there's like a back of the mind, physical listening through that particular physiological event. What's the problem with listening about her? I think that then I'm not being present, that I'm carrying burdens rather than just being, I'm carrying it as a burden or I'm trying to solve my legal situation in the back of my mind all the time and listening to what's happening to me through those unresolved, you know, woken up places.

[81:07]

So now it sounds like an open loop is a burden. Yeah, I think, yeah, that they're an energy drain and that they would keep me from being present because I would just be listening to the world through, that's where my attention is on those things rather than fully here with, in this room. Yeah, so what do you think I'm going to say to do with these burdens? And I needed to hear you say it because I feel I'm not good at remembering. I'm believing them, you know, is to be generous. They're a delusion. Well, be generous, first of all. Be generous. Their delusion is... Not so generous. No, just before you get to their delusion, first of all, let's be generous with the thing. First, be generous with it. Now, if something else comes up called their delusion, then be generous with that. But first of all, be generous with these things. Otherwise, you're going to get very heavy. You've got to keep giving stuff up, giving stuff away.

[82:11]

Mm-hmm. opening your hand and giving it away. Otherwise, life gets very heavy. And we don't need you to be squashed by your life. Got plenty of people who are squashed by the heaviness of their life, which comes from not giving it away. Otherwise, life accumulates and just gets heavier and heavier. We have to learn to give it away. You can say delusion if you want to, but that's just another thing to give away. it's also another burden on top of all the other ones. You can have a big pile of delusions on top of all your other responsibilities. And so then I feel a knot in my stomach now, and then I feel I ought not to have that knot in my stomach. But before feeling that you ought not to, before that, what? What? Be generous with having a knot in my stomach. Be generous with the knot. Then if you go on from being generous with the knot to now have an opinion that you shouldn't have the knot, then be generous with that.

[83:18]

You must practice giving. That's the first practice. There's other practices, but that's the first one. So with all these burdens that you have in your life, make them gifts. Then they aren't burdens anymore. They're just your life, which is given to you. Grace is given to you, this legal situation is given to you, etc. Everything is given to you. If you don't see them as gifts, then they get to be burdens. If I don't see them as gifts, they're burdens. And it's easy to not see them as gifts. And then things start getting heavy. And if you can see things as gifts, then new kinds of things come which don't look like gifts. New ways of not looking like gifts is to expand your gift giving to include these new varieties of things like grace and Michael, et cetera, et cetera.

[84:23]

Gift, gift, gift, gift, gift. Got it. And then That's it. Don't get off the giving practice. It's fundamental. And if you forget it, hopefully notice that you've forgotten it, and then notice how heavy you feel and how you don't like to forget it. Now, Now, what's happening? Well, for a moment I felt, ah, yes, and then I wanted to make a joke about that's my strategy. Fine. That's okay. And then, no, it's my soft strategy. And then it made me sorry because I do think I'm searching for something underneath that. I mean, there's some linchpin I could pull out of my life. That's a subtle infraction. Now you're practicing giving, but then you want to find something under the giving.

[85:28]

A linchpin in my behavior that has me perceive things as not being gifts. Yeah, right. But I feel that there's some linchpin if I could pull, then I wouldn't have this struggle to see things as gifts. I would just see them as gifts. There might be. Okay. But gift giving is not concerned with finding that. Okay. Okay. It's not trying to get the linchpin, so we don't have to keep doing this, just the regular old gift-giving, you know. But while you're giving gifts, you could not think, gee, it'd be nice to find some way to, like, have no problems giving gifts, wouldn't it? Where is that? Yeah. Thank you. I mean, I'm enjoying this, but couldn't I find some way to make this easier? Okay. Okay. Thanks. That's a gift, too. You're welcome. Thanks. Yes. I can clip it on? You think so? He says I can clip this on.

[86:33]

You're right, I can. The health department's going to get upset now. yes oh well one thing I would suggest one thing I suggest is come up here please come up here come up here No, come sit here. Sit right here. This is wonderful. I was getting very angry at you because I couldn't hear.

[87:38]

Yeah, isn't that interesting? You didn't see not being able to hear as a gift. No. How about now? Now it's wonderful. Well, you just, this isn't a permanent solution. The permanent solution is to see not being able to hear as a gift. To see not being able to see as a gift. To see not being able to smell as a gift. To see losing your memory as a gift. To see death as a gift. To see life as a gift. That's the thing. It's sad in a way, isn't it? There's some sadness there, yeah. To see sadness as a gift. All these things, if you don't see them as gifts, get heavy. Okay? But for now, here you are, you can hear quite easily. Yes. And so that's a gift too.

[88:39]

Can you see that? Yes. Yeah. So when you can't hear, it's the same. Yeah, sit there now, right? You can stay here Unless you really want to go. I think I'd like to sit down. You'd like to sit down. So you were about to ask a question, but you changed your mind? Or your mind changed? I just wanted to ask if a gift can be a close enemy of denial. Can a gift be a close enemy of denial? Definitely. Gifts are close enemies of... Denial is a close enemy of gift. Gift is not a close enemy of denial. Gift is a friend of denial. And denial is an opportunity for giving. Gift giving is close to everything. So any kind of problem like denial is close to giving because all problems are gifts.

[89:41]

In the spiritual life, all problems are gifts. In the world of suffering, all problems are problems, are burdens, are enemies. So when you're gift-giving, you start opening to denial, delusion, you name it. Welcome. Test my giving. Test my spiritual life. She's stretching. But still, you don't sacrifice the truth someplace. You don't sacrifice the truth? You make the truth a gift. But not Engel.

[90:46]

Pardon? But when I said Engel, something was wiggling. I couldn't feel that you could say that about Engel. make anger a gift and you'll disarm it. Generosity changes the mind. The basic way of changing the mind is by giving. If you have anger and you make it a gift, the anger is disarmed. Any harm that anger has occurred already Fine. Now practice giving with that anger and the situation is disarmed. The anger is disempowered to cause harm. Does everything dissipate when you make it a gift? Everything dissipates anyway. Happiness, everything. Everything dissipates anyway. The giving helps you enter into the way everything's dissipating.

[91:48]

The giving helps you enter into the way things are pulsing and changing and moving and flowing. Giving helps us open to our spiritual life, the fullness of it. And that's reality. When we don't see giving, we start to close to the pulsing spiritual life. So giving is what's going on, and if we don't join it, we miss it. If we do join it, we open to it, we start to realize it. And it's moment by moment, because every moment's that way, with everything. And then from that place, all kinds of skillful actions come forth. Thank you. Yes. It sounds as if we must, I sometimes say, oh, we must be grateful, even though you got a blue sweater and you wanted a green sweater or someone gave you a gift that wasn't what you wanted, you know, with circumstances, I can see maybe as a gift, but do I have to use it?

[93:06]

No, you don't. No, you don't have to use it. No, no, you must use it. Yes. You must use it. Really? I can't be hurt? When your leg was broken, I remember this lecture you gave after you broke your leg in the bicycle accident, and I got so upset because you were saying, thank you very much, I have no complaints whatsoever. He said, maybe just as you were about to hit the pavement, you had a moment of not being grateful or something. And I just felt, oh, I'm wretched, I'm not grateful for all these gifts I made. Well, yeah, it's true though, it's true. It's true that when we aren't grateful, we are wretched. That's true. And when I was not grateful for a moment, I was wretched. And then when I was grateful, I wasn't wretched. So I was not grateful and then I said, relax. And it wasn't before I hit. It was after I hit, I was not grateful.

[94:07]

Before I hit was just, you know, trying to ride a bicycle. And then, boom. And then it was like, shit. And then it was relax. And then the gratefulness started. So I wasn't wretched. But if I shift away from gift-giving, if I get deviated from the gift-giving, I become wretched. Instantly, you become wretched when you get out of touch with giving. That's normal. So if you're that way, you're like everybody else. But I must be grateful. I don't say that to myself. I don't talk that way to myself. I don't tell myself I must be grateful. I tell you you must be grateful. But I'm not really saying you must. I'm just saying if you want to be happy, that's required. That's a basic practice. And if you want to help people, you have to be that way so you can show them how to do that with their life. You have to show people how to deal with the burdens of existence, and that is to make them gifts, and then they're not so heavy.

[95:14]

Then it's wonderful. It's wonderful to have a problem to give, to share, to be gracious with. And if we miss that, it's wretched. That's normal. That's the way it works. Get distracted from reality, it's wretched. Yes? Can't hear you. How do I see tragedy? Other than an opportunity for the rest of us to try and help. Well, there it is. You just said it. It's an opportunity to help. All suffering is an opportunity to help. It's terrible, but it's still an opportunity to help. It's a great loss, but it's an opportunity to help.

[96:15]

It's a great loss, but it's actually a gift. And now we have this wonderful person in our community that's been incredibly badly injured and, you know, and she's so wonderful and now she's totally different and now how can we take care of her? And this is our great gift to us. She was a gift before and we saw that and now she's a gift to us again. How this is a gift to her we definitely want this to be a gift to her, somehow, to help her see it as a gift. But if we don't see it as a gift, it's pretty easy for her not to see it as a gift. So somebody needs to see this as a gift, to teach her how to see it as a gift, for her spiritual life to go on. But maybe she's doing fine, I don't know. I haven't been able to see her yet, really. I saw her a little bit but she's just going down the hall.

[97:18]

But we have these things where a person seems to be on a track of life and then everything gets broken and turned and seeing it as a gift seems to be the path of happiness and peace. The people who are helping her in the hospital They see this, here's an opportunity for them to do the thing which they've been training for their whole life. This is what they're about. This is how they express their love to her and to us by doing this for her. But it's terrible and it's horrible, too. And it... So that's that. It's both. It's a world of suffering that we participate in from the point of view of giving. And we do not have to grasp anything in order to be helpful.

[98:22]

There's plenty of grasping going on. Yes. Rep, it just seems so uncompassionate and selfish to take someone else's suffering, to take Grace's suffering and Michael's suffering and see it as a gift. It just feels wretched. It feels wretched to take it as a gift? To see it as a gift? It does. It feels like you're not, it feels uncompassionate. The first practice of bodhisattva is giving. The first compassionate practice is giving. So if you feel like the practice of giving is uncompassionate, the bodhisattva graciously accepts that you feel that way. They do not hate you for feeling that way. They do not despise you for not being gracious about the situation. You can feel wretched about feeling generous towards somebody else's suffering.

[99:30]

And you can also feel wretched and ungracious towards your own suffering. You can do that. That's fine. That's normal human behavior is to feel that things are not gifts. And then when you feel that things are not gifts and you think about seeing them as gifts, you can feel wretched about that too. In other words you can say, I don't see gift, I don't see it as a gift. So I don't really hear you seeing it as a gift. I hear you seeing it not as a gift and I hear you saying that thinking of it as a gift is also not a gift. So But almost everybody knows how to do that. Almost everybody knows how to see having a broken leg as not a gift. It's very easy to do that. And then, if you hear about being gracious towards it, like with my leg, when I was gracious towards it, you think I was generous towards my leg being broken.

[100:30]

I still keep being generous towards my broken leg. So you can think that's wretched. But I don't. I'm very happy to think of my broken leg as a gift. When I think of it as a loss, I feel wretched. And if you lose something and I think of it as a loss, I'll feel wretched. If I see you lose something and I see it as a gain, I'll also feel wretched. If you get sick and I think it's a gain, I'll feel wretched. If you get sick and I see it as a loss, I'll feel wretched. If you leave Green Vulture and I see it as a loss, I'll feel wretched. I already know how to do that. But to see your comings and goings as gifts, I feel happy and open to you. Then you can come and go, and I'll keep practicing giving towards you, and I won't feel wretched. And if wretchedness comes, I'll see that as a gift, and I won't feel wretched. Somebody has to practice giving. Otherwise, there won't be any giving, and then there'll just be fear.

[101:34]

We know how to lose things and gain things. We know how to do that. What we need to learn is how to see everything as giving. Then we bring fearlessness into the world. Then we can be a bodhisattva. We need to learn this. And if you feel wretched, please express that so that we can be generous towards you feeling wretched. And then you can see that you can be generous towards yourself when you're feeling wretched. You don't have to feel wretched about being wretched. I don't have to feel wretched about myself being wretched. I can say, I feel wretched. I feel wretched. I'm so wretched. I don't have to take my wretchedness really seriously. I can let go of my wretchedness. I can make it a gift to you. But I can also feel wretched about being wretched about, you know. But people don't need any more people like that.

[102:37]

We've got enough of that. What we need is more bodhisattvas who embrace beings' wretchedness joyfully as gifts and as giving to lift people up out of their misery. But if it would help anybody to go down into the pit and say, yes, it's really terrible down here, fine. But as a gift, to show them no matter how bad it gets, there can be giving. There is giving. But we have to practice it. Yes. I just wondered as you were responding to Saad whether part of the difficulty hearing the word gift around situations like the earthquake or the accident is a confusion of gift with gain.

[103:42]

Gift with gain? Yeah, like obviously I don't want to say, oh, this is a great gain. when some terrible, you know, in the world of problems, terrible thing happens. But it might be, it's just occurred to me that maybe there's a confusing the idea of a gift as a gain, like something self-oriented. Yeah. Well, in this, I was going to mention this earlier, that when we, I was sitting at the deathbed of a Zen teacher named Kadagiri Roshi, and his wife was sitting next to me, And he and his wife had just received a grandson a few days before. And his wife said to me, you know, with the grandson we feel joy, and with the husband dying we feel wretched. Because in one case you feel like you're gaining, in the other case you feel like you're losing. So if you feel, so that we get one kind of feeling when we gain, another kind of feeling when we lose.

[104:49]

But he said, the people who are coming, who are being born, and the people who are dying, they're having equally difficult time. The baby has as hard a time as the dying person. They're both going through this huge change. But we get happy about one and unhappy about the other. But we don't have to get happy about one and unhappy about the other. We can see them the same. namely as not gains and losses, but as gifts. And then we can help them, because they need help, because they're going through this particular big, big change. They need help. So some people who see the baby as a game, I would say that they don't help the baby as much as those who see the baby as a gift, not as a game. And similarly, the dying, many people who take care of dying people feel like this is a gift to be here with this person. This person's dying is a gift to me. But the dying person sometimes needs help to realize that they're a gift to everybody there.

[105:56]

That helps them for you to feel the gift and convey back to them that their dying process is a gift to everybody around them. That helps them go through the process. Or, you know, with being broken. To have people come to you and show you that you're a gift to them, even in your broken state. So you can see, oh yeah, and they're a gift to me. Everybody's being generous with me. I can see that now while I'm in my broken state. Maybe before I could see it too, but I can continue to see that I'm being supported. And I'm also helping these people by the way I'm being broken. By the way, I'm feeling grateful, not so much for the brokenness, but to be able to see it as a gift. Well, I think I'm getting tired.

[106:58]

Can I stop? Can we stop? May our intention equally extend to every being and place.

[107:12]

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