I speak of is not learning meditation. Another way to say this is the zazen I speak of is not concentration. Learning meditation is a way that in the Buddhist literature, the treatises about concentration practice are under the heading of learning meditation, like learning meditation, learning ethics, and learning wisdom. Learning concentration, concentration practice. The Zazen I speak of is not concentration practice. It is simply the Dharma gate of Nirvana. totally enlightened.

[01:02]

And we realize this zazen by practicing the ceremony of zazen. The zazen I speak of is not dhyana concentration practice. It is the perfection of concentration practice. It is the dhyana paramita. And the perfection of concentration is giving it away. So some of you might say, well, yeah, well, let me have it first for a little while. Yeah, right. It's hard to perfect it if you don't have it because you don't have it to give away. But if you have a tiny bit of it, give it away. Then I can't have more. Yes, you will have more. If you get a tiny bit of concentrated, give it away immediately.

[02:09]

Don't wait for it to accumulate large piles of samadhi before you give it away. It might happen that you receive bigger amounts. So you finally might receive a huge samadhi which you can give away. A huge bliss, a huge openness, an immense... might come because you gave away the little ones. And the little ones came because you gave away, for example, a certain kind of thinking. So the zazen is the perfection of concentration. It is also the perfection of wisdom.

[03:11]

It is also the perfection of giving, the perfection of precepts, the perfection of patience, the perfection of diligence. It's going beyond all these wonderful virtues. This is the zazen we speak of. In other words, it's totally culminated. And the perfection of wisdom can be spoken of as understanding that others are yourself. In other words, understanding emptiness. And understanding others are a self is verified by performing it. The perfection of giving is arzaza in practice.

[04:19]

Giving means to give while not abiding in the practice of giving. by giving without abiding in giver, receiver, or gift. This is Zazen. Just the ceremony of Zazen and make the practice a gift without abiding in you being the giver, the Zazen being the giver, the whole world being the giver, or you being the receiver, the Zazen being the receiver, and the whole world being the giver. or you being the gift, the zazen being the gift, and the whole world being the gift. Don't abide in any of those possibilities. They're all included. This is zazen. In other words, it's the zazen that fills the whole universe, which is a gift to the whole universe. It's the zazen which is the donor to the whole universe.

[05:25]

It's the zazen which is the recipient of the whole universe. This is the perfection of giving. the Dhanaparamita. This is Zazen. Does this sound just like what I've been saying before? Sort of? Good. I also want to refer to something that Lazar brought up the other day She said she was struck by me saying that loving everything is zazen. So, for example, if you're in a state where there is no concentration that anyone can see, a state of yogic catastrophe, a state of wreckage, if there's a situation like that, and there seems to be situations like that, even maybe right in the middle of a zen meditation hall,

[06:32]

certainly other places, when there's wreckage, loving that psychophysical wreckage, and not just loving that, but loving everything. I think I said that's zazen. But I just want to point out that that is in the context of understanding of understanding that the wreckage is your true self. The wreckage isn't something separate from you. But in a way, first of all, you have to love the wreckage before you can save the wreckage. You have to love it before you can understand it's yourself. Or it includes the understanding of loving all beings and understanding that there's no beings to love.

[07:51]

Understanding that there's no beings to love is just saying all beings are yourself. And then go ahead and love them anyway. This is the zazen I speak of. which we can perform right here in this room and everywhere. It's not limited to sitting or lying down. It's deportment beyond hearing and seeing. And I want to say one more time this basic instruction. Settle into a steady immobile sitting position. Or, once you have settled into a steady immobile sitting position, think of not thinking.

[09:07]

How do you think of non-thinking? Beyond thinking. But I'd like to offer another translation. Think of what does not think. Or think what does not think. Or think of that which is not thinking. Settle and think of what does not think. Well, how do you think of what does not think? Beyond. How do you think of what doesn't, of what's beyond thinking, of what doesn't think? And what doesn't think, what is, what is, what doesn't think? The Zazen, which is the practice of all beings, which is, which is the practice

[10:19]

of filling the whole universe and being filled by the whole universe. That doesn't think. That practice doesn't think. It includes all thinkers and all thinking, but the filling and being filled doesn't think. Think of tango. The tango between thinkers, but the tango is that which doesn't think. Always think of, in other words, think of Buddha meeting Buddha. Don't think of Buddha exactly by himself or herself. Think of Buddha meeting Buddha. Think of Buddha dancing with Buddha. Think of Buddha filling Buddha and being filled by Buddha. How do you do that? Beyond thinking. Settle in a steady, immobile sitting position and open up to beyond thinking. And that's how opening up beyond thinking from the steady position is how you think about that which doesn't think.

[11:26]

Another way to say it, at the end of Sashin, in the beginning of the next one, which we're starting now, settle into a steady immobile sitting position and think of Genjo Koan. Think of the manifestation of the truth right now in this sitting. Think of this sitting as the present manifestation of... How do you think of this sitting as the present manifestation of the ultimate truth? Beyond thinking. This is the essential art of zazen. The perfection of concentration, the perfection of wisdom, the perfection of giving, the perfection of precepts, the perfection of bodhisattva precepts, the perfection of the Buddha way.

[12:38]

In the Lotus Sutra, the Buddha says, my land is always filled with humans and celestials cavorting with each other in delight. It seems like the Buddha land has been created during this session. And then maybe sometimes people lose sight of it, but some people have, it seems to me, without even thinking that they were in a Buddha land, and filled with humans and celestials in delight. Also the Buddha says, although I'm always close, They failed to see me. Although my way, although the Buddha way is always close, they failed to see it.

[14:16]

And Ancestor Dogen says, in the state of being close and yet not seeing, who could not trust understanding of beyond understanding by wholeheartedness? or who could, that's one way to put it, another way to put it, who could not trust understanding and non or beyond understanding through wholeheartedness? When you're in the state of being close to the Buddha way and not seeing it, can you trust understanding and beyond understanding.

[15:36]

How do you trust it? By being wholeheartedly performing the Buddha way. Trusting your understanding, which you have, and trusting beyond your understanding, which nobody has, but which is the way. Being close to the Buddha way, even though we don't or see the Buddha way, we can enter the Buddha way. Even though we don't understand, even though we don't

[16:39]

we can realize it through beyond understanding and practicing the forms and ceremonies of the Buddha way. The forms and ceremonies which are set up to perform the Buddha way It's not that exactly these forms and ceremonies are the forms and ceremonies of the Buddha way, but these are the forms and ceremonies which we use to perform the Buddha way. You could use some other ceremonies. It isn't just that these are the forms of the Buddha way. It's these are the forms which we use to perform the Buddha way. You could also use hammers, wrenches, rakes, and, of course, in Zen, wrenches, rakes, spatulas, ladles, ladles are very popular in Zen, chopsticks, arrows, bowls, incense, candles,

[17:59]

although I'm getting back into those more familiar ones. We use these forms, we use these forms to perform the Buddha way. But you can use other ones too, but when you use them then you must feel that you're using them to perform the Buddha way wholeheartedly by understanding and beyond understanding. For some time now, we have been creating the opportunity to enter the Buddha way. We have been creating the opportunity for a ceremony of entering the Buddha way. And this evening we will come of this preparation

[19:04]

for a ceremony to enter the Buddha way. Tonight we'll have a formal, in a sense, completion which we've been preparing for for months and years and lifetimes. If you understand what this ceremony is about, or if you understand this ceremony, fine. But please also practice this ceremony beyond your understanding. If you don't understand, then you're all set to practice beyond understanding.

[20:09]

I feel supported to say that all Buddhas are paintings of Buddhas. All Buddhas are painted Buddhas. I feel permitted, allowed to say all bodhisattvas are paintings of bodhisattvas. In this tradition, we are encouraged to say and think that all Buddhas are sculptures of Buddha. We have no other Buddhas than paintings of Buddhas.

[21:54]

Also, some teachers of Tibetan Buddhism say it's important to be able to look at a statue of a Buddha and realize that that's a real Buddha. A real Buddha is a painting of a Buddha. a sculpture of a Buddha. The Diamond Sutra. If you think that the form of Buddha is Buddha, you don't understand. If you recognize the Buddha by the marks of a Buddha, you don't understand the Buddha. The Buddha is just marks of a Buddha. But that's not how you recognize the Buddha. Even a formless Buddha is a painting of a Buddha. There's no fixed referent to the word Buddha.

[22:57]

There's no fixed referent to Buddha. Therefore, we can create the opportunity to enter the Buddha way with the conditions at hand. So this morning we can create the opportunity of the Buddha with these conditions, this time of day, in this room, with each other.

[24:07]

we can create the opportunity to meet Buddha face-to-face, to do the ceremony of face-to-face transmission, to do the ceremony, the perfection of concentration. Whatever concentration we have, we can give it away now. One, two, three. Give away your concentration. Did you? Thank you. Your tax-deductible donations have been sent to the Marin Concentration Bank

[25:10]

and they will be spilled over the mountains of Mount Tamalpais and run down into the valleys. Tonight, we can create the conditions for bodhisattva precepts entering Buddha's way. With our understanding and our beyond understanding, with our body, mind, with the forms of the tradition, we can create this ceremony. With the robes that have been made for years, with all these materials, we can use them to perform entering into Buddha's Way. But we don't have to wait till tonight to perform the ceremony of entering into Buddha's Way.

[26:18]

Yet tonight we'll have different opportunities, different materials, different ceremonial forms, so it will be a different performance. And that particular performance uses these particular materials which we do not have here now. Now we have a different ceremony. I just have one thing to say.

[27:39]

This sashim is nothing but good. It's a wonderful walking up here. It could be walking towards you, never reaching you forever. You can give it away, too. You can have it.

[28:44]

No, I can't. There you go. But I can receive it. I can receive it, and I'm happy to receive it. Do not possess it. Do you know what that means? No. It means I am a Zen student. Zen practicat? Zen practicant. Or you could say that's more like Zen practitioner, actually. Zen student. It's very similar. That would give it away too easily. Are you a Zen student?

[29:50]

Yes. Am I a Zen student? No. Am I a Zen student? Yes. You're not a Zen student, are you? No. I'm glad. It's a pretty good show. I've been loving pretending to be a Zen student for some time now. I loved it at the beginning. I loved it in the middle. But at the end. I am not a sense student. I witnessed that.

[30:55]

May you be a skillful and artisan student. Thank you. I feel very well prepared to go beyond understanding, so thank you. I have three offerings. The first is a couple of questions. And the first question is, my experience of you over the last couple of months has been of a number of different roles that you have played at. Zen master, teacher, camp counselor. And when I first met you, at Tassajara four or five years ago, and we had to focus on, I couldn't even look at you in the eyes.

[32:09]

You know, you had these laser beams, and they just were melting me. And I'm the one who asked you why you were so serious all the time earlier this year, and I appreciate you as someone. But my... From all the roles that you play and from the costumes that you wear and the different plays that you enact, the sense I have most profoundly of you is that you're a pretty nice guy and that you've been a pretty good friend to me. And I don't mean that as a peer, but when I've had problems here, Available and you've helped in guidance and just I just have this general feeling that you're a pretty good friend and a pretty good guy and I'm wondering is that is that a pretend role too?

[33:14]

Because it feels more real than the others. The second question is, as I was sitting ruminating this morning in Zaza, it occurred to me that I would be able to go into my paperwork in my room, which is kind of a mess, at some point after Sashin ended today. And I thought, oh, isn't that great? How wonderful to look forward to that. I don't like going into your paperwork, so maybe you're not really looking forward to that. It's not such a great prospect. And maybe you're not so happy that Sashin is ending. And I said, oh, that's too bad. So then it occurred to me that if I weren't really caught up in whether or not the idea of going to my paperwork was going to be difficult or unpleasant, that I would be free to do that. And I thought, well, is it possible then that, and here's my question, do we practice what we practice, whatever it is beyond my understanding, do we do this so that we cannot get stuck? People won't get stuck.

[34:21]

Okay. Do we also do it so we don't get stuck? If you do it because other people won't get stuck, you already are not stuck. Then I won't be stuck. Okay, great. Okay, my second... If you do it so you're not going to be stuck, that's what you've already been doing that for years. That would be getting stuck then, wouldn't it? That's not being stuck. We're trying to get ourselves unstuck. It's getting others unstuck by understanding who they are, by understanding ourself. Okay, thank you. You're welcome. And please clean your mind of the Buddha way. Please do that. I will. For me. You got it. You want me to check? Yeah, I do, I do. Give me a little notice. You can invite me when you're ready. Literary recommendations. I'm, you know, just for you, for everyone, in thinking about this idea of play and storytelling and how it relates to everything we do, I think, and I hesitate to engage in support of Zen Center, but one of the best,

[35:44]

Examples, I think, of performance and play is A Midsummer Night's Dream by William Shakespeare. I think that anyone who knows that play can enjoy the multifaceted dimensions of performance. And I think the greatest... undoubtedly the greatest literary example of storytelling and play is Don Quixote de la Mancha by Cervantes. I don't know if you've read that or not, but if you haven't, I really recommend it because it's a wonderful story about stories and about playing. I read it during my... Really? Perfect. I never had the time before, but... And my last offering is I... While having Gokhasan with Linda Ruth yesterday, she mentioned that she wanted to come to Final T to write a poem about it. And I thought whatever Linda Ruth does is probably a good thing to emulate. So I thought I would try to write a poem. So I came up with a haiku about Final T. Let's see if I can remember it.

[36:50]

Empty ton, wondrous vessels full to brim, am I cup? Can you say it again? Empty ton, wondrous vessels filled to brim, am I cup or tea? Will you enact the priest... Will I what?

[38:22]

Will you enact priest ordination with me? I need you to request... Please ordain me as a priest in this tradition. Anil asked me to please ordain him as a priest in this tradition. And now I've received his request. Please ordain me as a priest in this tradition.

[39:36]

Please ordain me as a priest in this tradition. Come. I was wondering, how can I integrate the pain by getting stuck in it?

[41:20]

Integrate it without getting stuck in it? Yeah, how can I work with the pain? Well, integrating, part of it is to, like, become whole with it, right? Right. So open up to it, and... Be patient and kind if you start getting stuck in it. And when you start getting stuck in it, continue to be kind to being stuck. Be patient with being stuck. I continue to these years of Revisiting the same thing and trying to revise it. You can't revise it. Well, the revisiting is a little bit different than the pain. So the revisiting also meant then you have to integrate the revisiting. It's another thing to integrate. And how do you not get stuck in the revisiting?

[42:23]

Same thing, just open to the revisiting. Oh, here I go again on this trip. So just open to it all, and here's the instructions of relax with it. Open to it, relax with it, and in the relaxation and openness you'll settle with it. And then the play will start. And when the play will start, then we're not stuck anymore. And then if you're able to play with it, it will learn to play with you. So then you and the pain play together. And in the intimacy of the play, of you and the pain playing together, there's no stuck. There's just Buddha. And what happens to the love? That is love, what I just described. Love is to open the beings, relax with them, play with the beings and the borders and the limits and the constraints and the twists and the turns and to play with all that.

[43:32]

And to play, there's no being stuck. Including the ones that are not around. Including the ones that are not around. The love that's not around? No, I mean, what I'm saying is that the love is still there, even though I may... The love is always close, even though you don't see it. The Buddha way is love, even though we don't see it. It's always there. But if you don't, the teaching is that it's always close, even if you don't. And so if you're wholehearted about the situation where you don't see the love, that's the love. Well, I connect the love with... I think with the people that I think about or the images or the situations that have happened. I connect with them. So if I relinquish the pain, I feel like I relinquish the love. Yes, if you relinquish the pain, you relinquish the love, right?

[44:34]

Yes, you should relinquish the love too. Relinquish the love, too. Relive the love. Relax with the love. Give away the love. Play with the love. It isn't like, okay, pain, that's not sacred, but love is, so I'll hold on to the love and I'll let go of the pain. No. The pain is sacred and the love is sacred. And one will thrive and the other will no longer be stuck in. And the one, the pain, is a constant fuel for the growing of the love. It's the opportunity field of the love. We don't need, right now, we don't need any more pain. We've got plenty. We need more love. But pain is where it grows. So treat the pain and the love the same, basically. Be compassionate towards compassion. Namely, don't grasp it, don't possess it.

[45:38]

Don't be the owner of compassion. Don't be the owner of love. Don't be the owner of hate. Don't be the owner of greed. Don't be the owner of pain. Be open and relaxed and playful with it all. Amen. Thanks. You're welcome. Are you going to practice that way now? Yeah. That would be good. That's what I'm here for. Right. I would like to begin by making a confession and repentance.

[46:57]

I confess that I went to Gassho for this shuso this morning, and I want to apologize to her. I think... Would you like to look at her? I'm really sorry, shuso-san. I think although it has something to do with you becoming increasingly diaphanous. Diaphanous is a very sheer, you know, I can practically see through you now. And I didn't see you or know that you were here until you materialized in the middle of a turn. I actually saw you. appear as you turn, so I'm very sorry. And I'd like to apologize to the entire Sangha for eating seconds during lunch yesterday before everybody was served.

[47:58]

I hate seconds. I'm really sorry. I was completely spaced out. Spaced out. Not excessively greedy, just spaced out. Mostly spaced out. Just the usual level of greed. Nothing special. Also, to confess to many other smaller infractions of discipline and courtesy, many of which I know that I don't even know that I committed, that were through omission, perhaps because I was... So I will try to do better. I wanted to comment, if it's okay, on a couple of things that people said, like Luca talking about the robes. And I understand what Luca said about the robes looking too good.

[49:02]

But that's because I think it's because we can see immediately that they're Buddha's robes. And that's why they look terrific. But most of the priests that I know around here wear these robes, don't know that we don't own these robes, that they belong to Buddha. So it's not us that becomes special, but that we have particular responsibility for taking care of them, which can be very difficult. Let me think it over some more. You may recall that I used to have ropes like most of the other priests wear, and I had so much trouble keeping them on and straight and so forth that I asked you permission to get these other kind of

[50:07]

different sort of robes, thinking that that would solve my problems. And, of course, what I found was that it was a whole new set of problems, and there weren't that many people around to solve them. So I've been kind of more on my own with them. The same thing is true of the bowls, Anil. Those bowls are way more complicated. The lacquer bowls are like a timpani. And it's almost impossible to be silent. And all of that other stuff is really all slides around on the tongue. These aren't things that people tell you in advance, but you should know. Excuse me, I don't think this is a good idea. It's just what's happening now. Oh, OK. I'm completely sympathetic. It happened to me too. All the warnings I'm hearing and heeding them.

[51:09]

Too bad for me. I can tell you're lost already. And about Green Gulch, I've heard many people offer criticisms of Green Gulch and I've had them myself and I've sadly watched some people leave Green Gulch who I thought I thought Off had a lot to offer Place and had much to be offered by it for myself. I felt that Green Gulch although imperfect that in its own way has always been a wish fulfilling gem and But I realize that for some people, it's not a wish-fulfilling gem because they have wishes that won't get fulfilled here. But I was thinking about that. Maybe it's not for everyone, a wish-fulfilling gem, although it's clearly kind of sparkly, walk along your beach, and it's a shiny thing that you find here.

[52:15]

But I think there's a... Zen poem, it goes, you can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometime, you just might find you get what you need. And for Michael, I thought Michael, maybe in that interaction that he had yesterday, got what he needed. But in a way, I thought that he dropped early for me. And I think that it's important to understand how everything is a ceremony. the sense in which everything is a ceremony, because I think he's right. If we say that everything is a ceremony, then the word ceremony is just everything is everything, which is true, but it's not informative.

[53:26]

So if we think of everything as being a ceremony, then I wondered about that, and I wonder if what we mean is that everything that we do by intention The ceremony that everything has. I thought, what are the elements of ceremony? It has a form. It has resonance. That is to say, however it unfolds, there's resonance to it. So whether it's a clearly recognizable ceremony or something that's very offhanded and informal, apparently uncaring, that that has resonance also. And I wonder if that's what you meant, that whenever we intend to do something, that that is necessarily a ceremony. Right now I feel like I'm in a position where I should refer you to Carolyn.

[54:32]

I've met Carolyn. You're no Carolyn. Well, I will look forward to meeting her and discussing this and also of whether or not the five skandhas are other with her or with you in the future. And thank you for singing these songs of freedom. You're welcome. I forgot to apologize to my knees for these many years of abuse, and I hope they will forgive me, too. I have a question, kind of a confession slash question about Zazen, something that appears to happen during Zazen.

[56:14]

Sometimes when I remember with the pain, what starts happening instead is I start like trying very hard to do something called relaxing with the pain. And this just creates this kind of buildup of tension. That's... Some people are really amazing. Thank you and welcome. Master, face to face.

[57:36]

And the story, what is the difference in the middle between the inviting and the waiting? What crow story? My crow story. The story. Maybe no crow. I've been hearing a crow for seven days. So you paint the painting. And you go outside. And you put the painting next to the tree. And you, in the middle of the story, you invite. And then you wait. And you talked about the beginning of the story. And you talked about the end of the story. And so I was listening for the inviting and the waiting. And I always thought it was a crow story. It could be you've never mentioned the word crow.

[58:39]

Yeah, I just said bird. So when you said crow, I didn't know what you meant. But yeah, crow is how to paint the portrait of a crow. Yeah. So what's your question? The inviting and the waiting. Well, the inviting is to, you know, provide a form. Like a room. A room with lots of space in it. And, you know, that's the first thing that's being done. Not just in your mind, but in form, you know. And then put it out there in the world. and then sit near it. And, you know, with no expectation of when... when your partner will come.

[59:52]

And the waiting. Yeah, waiting with no expectation. Are they the same? The waiting and the no expectation? The waiting and the inviting. No, I think you can wait without... Some people wait without putting a form out there, without indicating precisely where they wish to meet, where they're willing to be. So that's the ceremony, the form, that you put a form out there. That's the invitation. But you can wait without the invitation or you can have an invitation to walk away from it and not have any waiting around it. You could also put a form out and close the door on it and say this is a form but it's not for anybody to come to, it's mine. That's not recommended in this story. This story is a form that's offered as an invitation. Yes. In this case it's an open space which you put out there in the world and you stay with it

[60:55]

You don't wander away from the tree. You stay right there with it. And you have no, you're not trying to control which bird comes. Doesn't have to be a crow. Yeah, yeah. And about when it's going to come. but you're there and trying to be awake when it comes. And then when it comes, and at that time, really still, there's a temptation to maybe get it, or you might be very excited, you know, that might scare it away. And a lot of energy might come up, and as a matter of fact, the bird might be a lot of energy coming up. So then you've got to really be settled and still and relaxed when it comes. And then it wants you to put your arms around it. Might be a rat.

[61:57]

And it's a painting of putting your arms around it. so it can be painted away. So the duke of Chao. Yeah, you have duke of Chao. What is the difference between the carved dragon, the real dragon, and the duke? What's the difference? What's the difference? I don't know. But I want to not abide in any of them and not abide in any of them. You know? I want to not abide in all of them. I put it that way. I want to practice non-abiding with all of them. I want to be devoted to what I can see and I want to be devoted to what I can't see. I want to be devoted to thinking and I want to be devoted to beyond thinking.

[63:11]

and not esteem or despise anything. I come on behalf of a young boy and a middle-aged man in order... You come on behalf of a boy?

[64:53]

A young boy. A young boy and a middle-aged man? And a middle-aged man who apologize for the fact that they... didn't quite get an agreement on how to paint their intention yesterday, and so thereby probably upstaged people, which wasn't their intention at all. So I think that leads me on to the next bit. That's one of the risks in play, is that Sometimes we're attempting to play, but we lose the play. We lose our playmate. That's one of the risks. And that's why some people don't play, because they don't want to lose their playmate. So it's very precarious. And I think the boy and the middle-aged man were playing, but they lost it a little bit.

[65:59]

Not everybody was able to participate. But that's one of the risks. So please keep daring to play, even though sometimes we slip off the play and get into I don't know what. Got you in piles with it. Me and the little boy, or maybe anyway, you know, the pair of them have jumped the cliff into that a lot. Yeah, okay. It's fun to be a lander. So anyway... So it means I need to once again make a vow to find and let go of the way of bringing the two together.

[67:11]

So that their intention can be more fully realized and let go of. You're vowing to find and let go of the way. Is that right? Yeah. To find and let go of the way. Yeah. That the two can be brought together. Yeah. Thank you for the opportunity. I've been away a long time.

[68:37]

Can you remind me of what our practice with flies is? Could you speak up, please? Can you remind me what our practice with flies is? To love them. And if they become very intimate with you, is it okay to chase them away? Can I tell a story? Mm-hmm. Is that an adventure story? Okay. All right. So many years ago, long, long ago, sitting Tangario at Tatsuhara, I was pretty desperate. And I thought I remembered that Suzuki Roshi had a special place in his heart for flies. I might have misremembered that. Do you remember? I remember that it had a special place in his heart.

[69:40]

I remember that he... I wasn't there, but I heard a story about him which came to mind when you said, is it okay to something... Chase them away? Chase the flies away? Can you tell that story? I hesitate to tell it because it's a terrible story and I didn't actually hear him say it myself, so he might not have said it. Oh. Well, I thought I remembered suddenly during Tangario that he had a love of flies. I had heard some story. You heard that he had a love of flies? Loved the flies, yes. I hope he did. Well, I thought I remembered that there was a fly on the semi-beginner's mind. And somehow, so that connected. There's a painting of a fly. A painting of a fly, yes. Not a real fly, although maybe.

[70:44]

It might have been a real fly. It was... So we always seem to be sitting with flies at Tatsuhara. There's so many flies, and I didn't remember them here, but they're here. So anyhow, I thought that this one fly in Tatsuhara was actually Suzuki Roshi come back to wake me up to say, you know, love me and open, you know, to this. We're fine. We've washed our feet. We're, you know, not a problem. And so for many, many years, when flies would come to me, I would say, oh, Suzuki, it's here, you know. So the other day I was walking in Cloud Hall, And a very, very pesky fly came, and I was trying to say, okay, I hear you, I know, I want to be awake, open my eyes, all that good stuff, you know.

[71:56]

But then... And so I was like, I don't think I'm ready for that because I don't know if it's like a health hazard, you know, I just don't know. So anyhow, I did chase the fly away. It didn't come back. And then I thought, oh, it's, oh, here it is. It's here. Yeah. Yes, thank you. Okay, so you don't know a good story about Suzuki Roshi and flies. You don't know why he put that painting of a fly on Zen Mind Beginners? I don't know the causes and conditions of that coming to be in the book. I can ask Mike Dixon what he thinks, since he drew it. Oh. You know Mike Dixon? No. No. Anyway, I think again that it's very important to realize that one of the kind of wonderful gifts we can give to beings is boundaries.

[72:59]

So sometimes it's good to, like, give flies an eyelid as a gift. Close your eyes. I did. Yeah. And, you know, give them that boundary. But don't do it to control them. Do them as a gift to all beings. Thank you. So I think it's, you know, you really have no expectation when you give the gift. You just think it would be nice to give the fly that gift of, you know, closing your eyes when it seems to be wanting to go in your eyes or covering your ears maybe. But if you're sitting in zazen, it's hard to cover your ears because your hands are so far away, so you might ask permission to get ear covers. which would be, you know, an interesting adventure. Some people mine ears, and without, I don't know if they've consulted with people, but they actually put ear covers in their ears, especially during Tangario or Tassajara.

[74:11]

None of them ever came and asked me, but I saw that some of them were wearing these things in their ears. Well, the flies this summer before the fire were very biting kind of flies. I don't know that, you know, I could... That's a hard one. Very, very hard. So one of the main boundaries is clothes. Clothes are allowed. That's why Buddha decided... Many flies in India. So that the monks didn't have to kill the insects. Yeah. So also he recommended sitting on... on kusa grass. It's partly to protect the monks' bodies from the insects, but also to protect the insects from the monks being tempted to protect themselves in an unskillful way. And so, yeah, so making some padding or something, setting some boundaries as a gift between different species is sometimes, or between different genders, is sometimes a skillful offering.

[75:22]

But not trying to control, just as an offering to play with some limits, some boundaries, some forms, some ceremonies. So there's a ceremony of how to practice with the flies and the mosquitoes. And we look to see, is this really an act of love, this boundary? Or am I expecting something? Am I trying to control? Am I being disrespectful? To be right there and look at that. I think this was Susie Kirosh's way, to be careful that way. Thank you. And also I want to say thank you to the entire Sangha. I don't mean to be critical, but this, I feel, is the most quiet, solid Sushin that I have ever participated in, and I'm so grateful. I think we all are.

[76:26]

Hearing Alex's poem, I remember that I made up a haiku yesterday also during the tea, and it probably could use more work, but what it was was one more sip of sweet tea before they take the cups away, last day of Sesshin. I'm not sure if it carries that whatever happens when those cups get taken away every time for me, but that's the point. And the other thing is a song that keeps arising for me about playing. Do you know it?

[78:41]

It's a kid's song. I don't know. What is it? If other people know it, please join in with me. Playmates, come out and play with me and bring these three. We'll climb the apple tree, slide down the rain barrel, climb up the cellar door, and we'll be jolly good friends forevermore. It's true. Let's pretend. Let's pretend. Let's pretend to be jolly good friends. And we all pray that your good health will continue to help take care of the next generation of priests, wonderful people becoming priests.

[79:51]

May your health continue as well. And may you live long and never leave us. And whatever you say at my funeral, I wish I could be there. Like Tom Sawyer. Thank you.

[82:42]

This magic cape protects and includes all beings. This is the phone booth. I kill bugs.

[84:51]

And I ask other people to kill bugs. And yeah, sorry. The other day, I thought about shooting crows, ravens. It was kind of playful, actually, because I wasn't actually going to shoot them, but I would have been happy if they left. Yeah. Well, that's a really good thing to pretend at. Pretend? Pretend. Not actually. Pretend that you're thinking of killing crows. Yeah. Just pretend. I would. Good. And pretend that you're killing people. When you're thinking of killing people, pretend. Because you really are. We have a precept about that.

[85:57]

No killing. Not killing. Which means pretend killing. Pretend to have a self. Pretend killing anything. It's very important to pretend. To realize not to kill. So you have a great opportunity to practice not killing all those beings in earth, you and your friends. So if we're doing a ceremony, it wouldn't just be a ceremony of killing the bugs. It would also be a ceremony of not killing the bugs. Do explain this to the apprentices next summer.

[87:08]

And you can come and argue with me. Pretend to argue with me. If you want to. What would we be pretending to argue about? I don't know. If you have a disagreement with the ceremony I suggest to them, you can create the ceremony with us. We don't want to have a rebellion against you or anything. It was a really elaborately staged rebellion. We want you to participate. I'll hide. Would you pretend to be the painter?

[89:17]

Would you pretend to be the painter and paint the bars out? Would you help me paint those up?

[90:30]

Thanks for the invitation. With the kind permission of the Eno, this morning I had a video conference with my mother, who was 70 yesterday, and she has champagne glass in her hand.

[92:39]

And many of our family were around her. And I was struck that I had been through in her life. You were struck by... I don't know what she's been through. You were struck by that, that you don't know. And I've heard a story that 37 years ago tomorrow I was born. You've heard a story that 37 years ago tomorrow you were born? Yeah. On Buddha's birthday. And I believe four days... I mean, on Buddha's Enlightenment Day. Yeah. Let me out of here.

[93:57]

And I believe that was four days after Suzuki. And... That's the story. You might be Suzuki Roshi. Thanks for coming back. I went pretty fast through the Bardo's. Pardon? I went pretty fast through the Bardo's. 49 days is the maximum. You can come back in four days. Yeah, I went pretty fast. I hope that I don't respect you any more than I used to now that I know that my teachers come back to me and not just to me but all of us. So thank you for coming back, Suzuki Roshi.

[95:01]

I hope... I hope that you don't respect me anymore. And I hope I respect you as much as I respect Suzuki Roshi as, you know, a different body. So please stay around people who are students of Suzuki Roshi so that they can remember to respect everybody. like they would respect him if he was here? I can't really fathom that for all of my life. People have been practicing.

[96:01]

I appreciate being able to listen and receive some of the fruits of a practice that's beyond my imagination and that can't be spoken of I vow to practice the ceremony of meeting Buddha face to face in all my meetings with all beings.

[98:04]

And I know that I'm vowing to do something which is very arduous, takes a tremendous effort to remember this person coming now, that this fly coming now, that this floor, that this ceiling, that this door, that this food, that this crow, whatever it is that I'm meeting is the opportunity to to face. It's very difficult to remember that every moment. But I vow to learn to remember that with all beings. And if I forget, I vow to practice confession and repentance and then practice May our intention equally extend to every.

[99:15]

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