Jerry Oliva is still in the hospital taking care of her husband. And Marcia Lieberman is also in the hospital taking care of a friend. So again, before I tell you again, let me just say that I received some feedback and it was of the nature of when I offered teachings, sometimes there's a response on the part of people to really try hard to grasp them and understand them. Somebody told me that.

[01:03]

And this person was feeling kind of some compassion for those who are trying hard to understand some teachings that are being offered and sort of wondered if maybe it's not so good to be offering these teachings because people are getting so worked up trying to understand them. one of the opportunities of offering teachings wherein we become aware of our strong grasping tendencies is that we become aware of our strong grasping tendencies. They're there whether you're receiving teachings or not. They're there whether you are expressing your energy in a form that you can see and others can see the grasping.

[02:13]

So I think they, yeah, so one of the main points of the process is that we become aware of the grasping and get it out in the open. So we become aware of it and other people also can become aware of it. Again, I think it's there anyway, but... But teachings like the ones that have been offered during this retreat seem to be conditions to help us become aware of our grasping. And there's various ways to help people become aware of grasping. You know, tightrope walking is another way to help people become aware of grasping. When they get up, they approach the wire to walk on it, they maybe become aware of some tension in their body and mind.

[03:20]

So... So here's a teaching which might actually be one that, again, you can grasp or not, but fairly simple, and that is when teachings come or when anything comes, meet it with complete relaxation. And so when teachings come and then we tense up to try to get them, to try to understand them, then relax with that grasping, and then play with that grasping, and then be creative with that grasping. If you relax, you don't really have to try to play.

[04:28]

The opportunity to play will come to you and you'll be able to enter the playfulness if you can relax with what's coming to you. And then the playfulness, you don't have to try to be creative. You will be creative if you're playful. And you won't be able to be... You will not be able to be creative In other words, realize that you're being creative. You actually are creative, I say. You can't avoid it. But you can avoid noticing that you're creative. And you actually also are playful and relaxed, too. But you can avoid noticing that you're relaxed. So I think one of the ways to notice you're relaxed is to notice that you're not relaxed. And then you can notice that you actually are relaxing with not being relaxed. And then you can notice that you're playful. And then you can enter into creativity.

[05:29]

And then you can enter into understanding and then liberation. So that's a way to work with these teachings that are being offered. Or you could say these teachings are stories, stories, stories. And each, all of you have stories, and so you're welcome to express your stories here and other places. But for me, the main point of expressing the stories is to see if you can express them and be relaxed while you're expressing them. Relaxed while you're expressing them. To me, relaxed while you're expressing them. to others, to the whole group, and see if you can play with your stories, including letting go of them, including especially making gifts of your stories. Yes, especially your stories which are really the stories of truth, your stories of truth, your prized truths.

[06:41]

Bring them forth and see if you can bring them forth as gifts, not things to get something, like get recognition that your story is true, for example. You may get No recognition is possible. Someone says, that's a true story. Or that's the truth. But I suggest bring forth the story of your truth as a gift. And that, which means you have no expectation. And then watch to see if you really did bring it forth as a gift. In other words, see if you're relaxed when people tell you that what you said is really a stupid story, not the truth. See if you can be relaxed with that and playful with that. If you can, then you can be free of your story. And the main thing is, for me, to be free of the stories.

[07:47]

I'm talking about causation now. So I welcome you to express your stories. But again, I know I've heard from some of you that you have been expressing your stories and you're getting in trouble when you express your stories around here. You get in hot water when you express your stories. And that could be because your stories contradict other people's stories and they're tense around their stories. So when you express your stories and they're different, that causes them some disease, some stress. Another possibility is that they're bodhisattvas and they notice that you're somewhat attached to your stories. So they push on you a little bit when you express your stories. Or they take your story and say, may I put this in the trash, please? That's where it belongs. But they do that, you know, not because they're attached to their stories or your stories, but because they're trying to help you see if you're attached to yours.

[08:55]

I don't know if you're attached to your stories. Sometimes you tell me, actually, that you are. You come and tell me, I'm attached to my story. I say, good that you notice that. Good that you know that you're attached to your story. And you say, well, I know I'm attached to my story. And then someone might say, yes, you know you're attached to your story, but you don't know the way you're attached to your story. The way you think you're attached to your story is not the way you're attached to your story. And then you say, maybe you say, oh, how cool. Or you say something, maybe you feel some attachment to knowing the way you're attached to your story. So if you tell your story, if you try to make your stories gifts, if you try to make your understandings of the Dharma gifts to me and to others, you won't necessarily get applause. You might get kind of like people really upset with you because, again, that they pretend to be upset with you because you're so stressed and uptight and self-righteous.

[10:10]

And then they help you become aware of that. Now some people, I hear anyway, stories about some people who can't even be self-righteous with these teachings yet because they haven't got a hold of them. And they desire to get a hold of them so they could be self-righteous. So that they would have them and then have the correct understanding and then they could have something to hold on to. So... So there are stories offered to you. So is that clear? Causation. So again, I tell you the story that the Buddha way and the Buddha Dharma is a teaching of causation and a teaching of no-self.

[11:24]

And a teaching of no-self means a teaching of being devoted to the welfare of others. It's a teaching of action. which means it's a teaching of faith. So the teaching of causation and the teaching of selflessness and selfless activity for the welfare of others is supposed to be acted upon in the practice. Now some people hear about these teachings but don't act on them, which means, I would say, they don't believe in them. They think they're a good idea but not good enough to act on. I have other things to do, which I also believe in. And I just don't have time to act on these theories of causation and selflessness. So then, that's not the Buddha way. I said that to you. I say it again. That's the part about the again part. So, the Lotus Sutra... So I say to you, my understanding, my story about the Lotus Sutra is that

[12:35]

My story about the Lotus Sutra is that practicing the Lotus Sutra realizes Buddhahood. My story is that the Lotus Sutra teaches that practicing the Lotus Sutra realizes Buddhahood. I've joined the Lotus Sutra story. I agree with the Lotus Sutra. The Lotus Sutra gives us practices. And, for example, reading the Lotus Sutra is one of the practices of the Lotus Sutra. While you're reading it, it tells you, hey, there's a practice of this sutra called reading the sutra, which you happen to be doing right now. So it offers us practices like reading, and then it tells us that when we perform these practices, we enter the Buddha way and become Buddha.

[13:42]

It tells us about causation. Practice the practices of this sutra, and you'll enter the Buddha way, the effect. The cause is the practice, The effect is the Buddhahood. And the Buddhahood is none other, nothing in addition to the practice. The fruit is the practice. When you're reading the Lotus Sutra, that is entering the Buddha way. It's not like you read it and then enter the Buddha way. In the next moment, you read it again and enter the Buddha way and become Buddha. That's my understanding of the teaching of the Lotus Sutra. The effect is the cause. Buddhahood, the fruit of Buddha's practice.

[14:49]

Buddha is the practice of Buddha. The cause of Buddha is the same as the effect of Buddha. Because the cause of Buddha is selfless practice for the welfare of others. That's also the fruit of the practice. Buddhahood is practicing for the welfare of others selflessly and understanding selflessness by practicing it and understanding the selflessness of everything by practicing the selflessness of everything. That's causation. That's a story of causation. preaching the Lotus Sutra. Like what I'm doing right now, I'm kind of preaching the Lotus Sutra. This preaching is one of the practices of the Lotus Sutra, and this preaching is entering the Buddha way. Right now here at Green Gulch Farm, there is entering the Buddha way with this preaching of this sutra.

[15:52]

Buddha ancestors in some traditions, have given practices. When we perform these practices, we become Buddha. For example, the Buddha ancestors have offered the practice of sitting. When you perform the practice of sitting, that is the cause of the effect becoming Buddha. being Buddha is to practice sitting selflessly. The highest truth offers us practices. When we perform the highest truth, the practices of the highest truth, we become Buddha. So those three ways of putting it are in the Lotus Sutra, but they're also part particularly of Soto Zen tradition.

[16:59]

our practice is the performance of the truth. If you perform the practice of the truth half-heartedly, I would say that's That's not the practice we're talking about. We're talking about wholehearted performance of the practice, not holding anything back. So sitting in the zendo, this sitting is the performance of the highest truth. This sitting is the performance of the Lotus Sutra, which is the highest truth. This sitting is the performance of Buddha's practice. The form of the sitting does not reach the Buddha. However, the performance of this form, which does not reach the Buddha, is the Buddha's practice and realizes Buddha.

[18:01]

Also, I just wanted to mention that the Buddha way is basically leaping. So this performance of sitting as the performance of the highest truth is leaping. Want to know how to leap? That's how. Simple. Very simple. When you're sitting, sit as performing the Lotus Sutra. Sit as performing the highest truth. That is leaping. Leaping beyond. It's using your discriminating thinking to leap beyond discriminating thinking. there may be still some discriminating thinking in the neighborhood like, well, how is sitting here realizing the highest truth? There may be a thought like that.

[19:07]

Anyway, I don't know, but there's wholehearted sitting here realizing Buddha's highest truth. And this is a leaping into the realm of faith. So what I'm just telling you is a theory of causation about becoming Buddha. Also, I don't know how much time I have during this retreat, but I could tell you some other theories of causation. But if I don't get to them very much during this retreat, I will continue for the rest of the year. So see you around. Another theory of causation is very simple. Depending on this, that arises.

[20:12]

Depending on the cessation of this, that ceases. This is a basic theory of causation of the Buddha Shakyamuni. And then he applies that basic mojo to, depending on ignorance, karmic formations arise. Depending on karmic formations, consciousness arise. Depending on consciousness, name and form arise. Depending on name and form, which means body and mind, six sense doors arise. Depending on six sense doors, contact arises. Depending on contact, feeling arises.

[21:16]

Depending on feeling, thirst arises, depending on thirst craving arises, depending on craving becoming arises, depending on becoming birth arises, depending on birth old age, sickness, death, the lamentation, the whole mass of ill arises, and so on. This is a clockwise circle of the theory of causation of bondage and suffering, which you've heard about probably. That's a theory of causation not about how to become Buddha exactly,

[22:18]

But the Buddha chose to tell us about that. Thought that would be a helpful story to tell us. Then also if you reverse the circle and say, for example, depending on the cessation of ignorance, there is the cessation of karmic formation. Depending on the cessation of karmic formation, there's a cessation of consciousness and so on. But you can also say, depending on the cessation of karmic formations, there's a cessation of ignorance. And depending on the cessation and so on, you can go back the other way too. I mean, you can go back from various points on that circle is what I mean. The clockwise circle is the story or the theory of causation of liberation. Excuse me, the counterclockwise story is the story of liberation from bondage and suffering.

[23:21]

The counterclockwise story is liberation clockwise. Okay, so those are two more, or one more with two versions, a theory of causation. First I told you the theory of causation of Buddhahood. Now, some people might say, or some people might think, that the story of this liberation from suffering, the story of entering into bondage and suffering, and doing it the liberation way, that once you're liberated, then you can enter into the causation of Buddha. So the story of liberation isn't the story of Buddhahood. It's a story with the Buddha told, but it's not the story of Buddhahood. It's the story, actually, of being ready to enter into the causation of Buddhahood. And you may feel like, well, I'm not yet liberated, so how can I enter into the story of Buddhahood?

[24:27]

Well, by leaping into the story of Buddhahood. That's how. And noticing that you're not ready. So the Lotus Sutra doesn't teach in detail the 12-fold chain of causation. However, it does, I think, briefly mention that the 12-fold chain of causation is for a certain kind of liberated being. I think it does, doesn't it? In Chapter 2? Hmm? Doesn't it? Yeah, I think so. And it also says that the Four Noble Truths suffer another kind of liberated being. So in the first discourse, which is posted sometimes under the menu, because we have lots of reading material posted in Cloud Hall.

[25:37]

So the Buddha says, what's the middle way? Well, it's the Eightfold Path. And then it goes on to say what the Eightfold Path is and then teach the Four Noble Truths in this First Discourse. So First Discourse sometimes is said that's for the arhats, for the Buddhist saints who hear the Buddha's teaching. And the dependent origination is for the Pratyekabuddhas, the Buddha, the people who attain liberation without having heard the teaching from the Buddha. The Lotus Sutra is actually throwing you right into the Buddha practice. And then when you get into the Buddhist practice, you realize, oh, I think there's some clinging here. I think there's some thirst here. I think there's some becoming and birth and old age and sickness and death here. So then you notice that other kind of theory of causation might apply to where you're at.

[26:41]

But you don't have to wait to finish that course and become liberated before starting the practice of the Buddha. If you're reading the Lotus Sutra or writing the Lotus Sutra or preaching the Lotus Sutra, if you're performing the Lotus Sutra in any of the more or less limitless ways to perform it, and you somehow feel some clinging in the process of the performance, some grasping, some tension, some unplayfulness,

[27:51]

Well, you could also say, I think maybe I'm in that circle of bondage here. In the middle of doing the Buddhist practice, I'm also living in the causal process of bondage and suffering. So I'm actually noticing I'm having a hard time being wholehearted about performing the Lotus Sutra right now. I'm distracted by thirst. and craving. It's hard for me to like just make what I'm doing the performance of the highest truth because I have other agendas which have been set up by conditions, by karmic formations and so on. So I've heard there's a practice for me called confessing these tensions and hindrances in the presence of the Buddhists, in the presence of those who wholeheartedly perform the highest truth all day long.

[28:59]

And that this performance of confession and repentance, in other words, I confess, and I also would actually feel a sincere wish to perform the way wholeheartedly. This leads to the ability to perform the way wholeheartedly. It still might be and probably will be useful to study the process of liberation, but I would like you to understand that the process of liberation is the process of liberation so that you can enter the Buddha way. It's not the process of liberation so you get liberated. It's the process of liberation, so you're liberated to practice the Buddha way. The Buddha way is not just you getting liberated, but you getting liberated in order to practice the way for the welfare of others, which is to perform it according to the causal principle of the Buddha, to realize Buddhahood.

[30:14]

Well, I have a number of other topics which I really want to talk to you about, but I feel like what I've just said is a lot and kind of the most important thing. And the other things are just to share with you some difficulties about how to teach. But I'm going to stop now with this particular package of teaching on causation and faith and hopefully someday come back to these other topics. Well, actually one topic I just want to tell you very quickly. And that is I'm reading this book called Middlemarch This is going to be short. And so this lady, Marian Evans, is that her name? So she's a good writer. So there's a scene on page 490 something or other.

[31:36]

491. So one of the heroines talking to another one of the heroines of the book, their sisters, one's named Dorothea, the other one's named Celia. Celia has just had a baby, her little man, as she calls him. And this is written, this book's written in the Victorian era in England. This book may have been written around 1850. It's referring to a time, the time around 1831. or around that time. But I was just struck by little man, you know. I hear a lot of people using that term now for their sons. The little man. Anyway, she's talking about this little man and she's also talking to her sister about her sister's husband and what a nasty guy he was. And she's basically saying, look at the baby, you know.

[32:40]

And she's saying that her sister really shouldn't be grieving over her husband because it's really just a big relief that he's gone. She's so mean to you. And then she turns to her baby and she says, we shouldn't be grieving, should we, baby? And then it says that Celia said, we shouldn't grieve, should we, baby? She said this confidentially. to the unconscious center and repose of the world. And then she said, the unconscious center and repose of the world, who had the most remarkable fists. Fists. He had remarkable fists. And I just thought how wonderful it is, you know, that back there in Victorian England, little baby boys had remarkable fists. Just like little baby boys have remarkable fists in 2009.

[33:44]

And little baby girls have remarkable fists too. People find it just remarkable, these little fists. And I think maybe even before 1831, people were finding these babies' fists remarkably remarkable. complete, even to their nails, down to those tiny little nails. You can hardly see them, but if you look carefully, they are complete sometimes. And when they're not, it's really something. And hair enough. His hands were most remarkable, and he had hair enough really, when you took off his cap to make you don't know what.

[34:52]

In short, he was a Buddha in Western form. People have been finding Buddhas for a long time in their babies. Worth all the trouble to get your own little Buddha. But then it grows into a sentient being, right? Treating me like a Buddha. All the better to see you. All the better to eat you. All the better to test your love. Can you be wholehearted with this too? You were wholehearted with the Buddha. How about this? No, I'm getting too old. I'm retiring from wholeheartedness. I had enough before. Give me a break. Okay.

[35:57]

Okay. Would you go over this sentence? Sure. I'm feeling really depressed. Oppressed. Deep. Or depressed. Maybe oppressed too. Because you're telling me to perform the Buddha way and then you're telling me to perform it so I can find out how I'm not really ready yet. So, and I'm stuck in some. Find out how I'm stuck by performing the boot away. Yeah. I'm not actually telling you, I'm just saying that if you do, when we do try to perform the Buddha way wholeheartedly, we may notice that we have some reservations, some holding back.

[37:09]

Right. Okay. That's nicer. That's nicer. Yeah. I'm happy to have it be nicer for now. So you may, but who knows, some of you may be just like, okay, this is performing the Buddha way, no problem, and I feel completely wholehearted about it. So you may not notice that there's any holding back. So then, for example, you could come and tell me, you could come and tell me, I am, I'm sitting here before you performing the Buddha way. I'm talking to you and my words are performing the Buddha way and I feel completely wholehearted about that. So you don't notice any, I'm not saying you always will be holding back and resist and so on. But I'm just saying, if you do notice it, that doesn't mean you have to go to some other practice. You can do this practice and just confess, I feel some shortcoming in my devotion to performing the Buddha way.

[38:12]

But sometimes you may not feel any shortcomings. So at that time, it's traditional to go and tell the teacher that you feel finally you've arrived at wholeheartedness. And then the teacher says, maybe the teacher might say, oh, congratulations. And you might feel some sarcasm in the teacher. That wasn't really a sincere congratulations there. And then you might notice, oh, there's some holding back. Or you might say, was that sarcastic? And when you say, was that sarcastic, you feel like that sentence, was that sarcastic, was the performance of the Buddha ways. And you feel so grateful to the opportunity to perform it in response to this appearance which led to this statement, was that sarcastic? And then the interaction takes it deeper into new territory where you never before were able to look at someone who thought, had the image of a sarcasm, and see that that image, the creation of that image in your mind was actually a stupa, a shrine, because the Buddha way is being performed right here in this vision of sarcasm.

[39:26]

But if you can't see it, well then, you probably are holding back. So then you just confess that and you'll get over it. If you keep confessing you're holding back, in the performance, the root of the holding back will melt away. So I'm just saying, I'm saying very simply, just make what you're doing the performance of the highest truth. That's the school. The school is make all your actions the performance of the highest truth. Cooking, cleaning, sitting, bowing, talking, thinking, make all your actions of body, speech, and mind the performance of the highest truth. We call that in the school just sitting. That's simple, right? But then when you try to do it, you notice you're holding back. You notice you're not remembering, you're not being mindful of making all your actions the performance of the Buddha way. You notice that. Most of us do. Well, then you just confess that. And don't just confess it alone. Confess it with the Buddhas and try to confess it wholeheartedly. Say, well, I'm confessing half-heartedness, but I confessed it wholeheartedly.

[40:33]

Well, yeah, good. And now that's the performance. And then you can get some feedback on that and see if you can wholeheartedly respond to the feeling as a performance of the Buddha way. How's that? Sounds good. Sounds good? Are you still depressed? No, I feel better. I feel good. You don't feel depressed anymore? It changed. No, I don't feel depressed anymore. Okay. Things changed. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. What are the causes and conditions of belief? What are the causes and conditions of belief? Well, there's, again, there's infinite stories of the causes and conditions of belief.

[41:39]

But, you know, basically it's having some communion. It depends on what kind of belief. You mentioned it as the third thing, so that kind of thing. You said there were three aspects, and you said action and belief was the third. If it's the belief in the Buddha way, then one of the main conditions for it is being in communion with the triple treasure. That's one of the conditions. There's many others. In your case, you'd have the conditions of you becoming a human being. There's a lot of conditions that led to the formation of this human being at this moment. Then, in addition to that, in order to have the Buddha way, which you have faith in the teaching, you have to get exposed to the teaching. I jumbo chalk. So the word, the usual word...

[42:47]

There's a very high frequency of use of this Chinese character for faith in Chinese Buddhism. There's other words for faith, but this one's the most common one. It's really common. And this part means person and this part means word. So the word. So faith has something to do with, really has something to do with words for human beings. We're linguistic creatures and So in order to have Buddhist faith, you have to hear the Dharma verbally, in a verbal form. Now, of course, the words don't reach the actual inconceivable Dharma, but we have to hear a verbal expression of it in order to enter it. And then we have to line our body up with... The person has to line up with the word. And so that's one of the conditions. So being a person, having the ability, having senses to receive data, and then hearing the Dharma in verbal form, those are some conditions for the arising of faith.

[43:54]

more. That doesn't seem enough. Because I think there are plenty of people who come on Sundays who have human birth and who hear about the Dharma and they don't believe and they don't have faith. Seems like there's something else in there. Yeah. What? Well, the formation of the person, one of the things that forms the person is the person's past action, the person's past thinking. So, for example, if a person grew up in an environment that had a different theory of causation, then because their mind had been thinking in a different way, like the Buddha Shakyamuni grew up in an environment that had different theories of causations from the one he discovered, the one he taught. So that was part of his challenge, to see a new causal reality. and people he was teaching also. And Dogen also, when he was teaching, he ran into people who were Buddhists who had views of Buddhist causality which he didn't agree with.

[45:08]

So he was actually like... But somehow they had the ability to... also because of various causes and conditions, to relax and be playful with him and open to his teaching. On occasions like this, I often say that understanding causation well enough to realize the emptiness of things is is quite a feat, but to actually be able to see how causation works and be able to explain why one person can understand and the other can, that ability is sort of more down the road for most of us, way down the road. It's very difficult to actually see how one person seems to be open to the teaching and how another one doesn't. I really can't say in particular cases how it is that some people are able to enact the teachings and others are distracted.

[46:18]

I mean, I can see why they're distracted because they think that this is more important than studying the teaching. but why they think this is more important than studying and teaching, that I can't usually see. Or you say, well, I can't, I can see it because their parents tell them that, you know, and their friends tell them that. And when they start practicing, people say they're crazy. But then some people are told that they're crazy for studying this teaching, and they say, oh, thank you very much, and just keep studying. And other people think that this should stop because people are criticizing them for it, like, you know, People of other religions say, you shouldn't be studying this, and things like that, and some people stop because they don't have, again, faith, confidence in the teaching. But it's lovely when someone in a relaxed, playful way just says, thank you very much, and just continues to follow what they think is true, but not in a grasping way.

[47:21]

So if somebody was practicing Christianity that way, I would say that really they're in accord with the Buddha way. If a Buddhist went up to them and told them that Christianity was really a false path, a path of misery and harm, and they listened to that in a flexible, relaxed, playful way, I would say that, you know, that that's the Buddha way, even though they may say that they're a Christian. But I would say that's the way a bodhisattva would respond to being told that the path they're on is really stupid and so on. But how does someone get to be able to be playful and relaxed? I don't know. sitting in a class like this where some people keep telling you over and over again to be relaxed and playful, that may be a condition or not.

[48:28]

Some people may not have even heard of being relaxed and still be able to be. But I don't think so. I think usually they probably have heard it before and somebody did guide them into being relaxed and playful. Is grace a useful way to think about it? It seems like a fine way to think about it, but grace still doesn't explain the workings. There's still some workings there. There's conditions. It's grace, yes, but still, then there's grace for this person not understanding and this person understanding. So there's different conditions in the two different kinds of grace. That's going to be my next question. Okay. Well, it just seems like if it's such an important part of this teaching, faith and belief, I'm going to relax with not grasping to try to understand it, but it's a little mystical here.

[49:30]

Well, but in your case, there might be a simple way to deal with this, simply to say that the Buddha way is not just hearing these teachings, the Buddha way is to act on them. That's the faith. You don't need to spend time, I'm not recommending you spend time figuring out how you're able to be faithful. So if you hear a teaching like, live for the welfare of others, and then you just sort of like are mindful of every action you do, you think, how is this for the welfare of others? If you were able to do that, that would be, I would think, an act of faithfulness to the teaching of that moral imperative to live for the welfare of others. You don't have to think, how was I able to pull that off? What led me to be, you know? I have occasionally, I don't know how many times, maybe 10 or less, but maybe not even 10, I've sort of wondered maybe about 10 times over the last 40 years, how could I be so lucky to be able to hear the Dharma and have such nice teachers as I've had.

[50:35]

I've wondered that maybe ten times. I just go, how come I'm so lucky? Because I see other people, they seem to have more virtue than me, and they haven't heard the teaching. And I've even seen some people who have more virtue than me, who have heard the teaching and just don't even pay attention to it. You know? Like when Suzuki Roshi was alive, I watched people walk away from Zen Center and I've said, how come they're going away? I mean, people that Suzuki Roshi was like spending time with, people that Suzuki Roshi really like was giving himself to, like people who Suzuki Roshi liked more than he liked me. I said, you're getting all this attention and you can walk away from it? I just couldn't understand. Huh? Yeah. So, you know, it's like, how did that happen that I even got a chance to meet him and be at Zen Center and practice here? It just seems so fortunate.

[51:38]

I don't know why. And one time I said that to Ok-san, and then she said, she said, I know why, but I never asked her. I didn't want to get into it. But how did I happen to be so fortunate? I don't understand. I really don't. Because again, I look at people who I grew up with and they were, from what I could see, they had more virtue than me. What makes someone have more virtue? What are you speaking of? Well, be kinder, more selfless, and so on. Not necessarily more virtue in every single way, but in a lot of ways anyway, more virtuous than me to people I've known in my life who somehow just don't think that the teaching is worth spending all their time thinking about it.

[52:41]

They think other things are more important. Like, I don't know what. Something else. And so they didn't get the chance to spend their time, for example, with Sikrush. And again, even people who had a chance to meet him walked away while he was still alive. Now everybody is like, could we have him back for a little while? But people who actually had a chance to be with him passed up on the opportunity. I saw that and I kind of wondered, but it wasn't because they weren't as good a student as me, it's just that they somehow just didn't see the teacher there in such a way that they wanted to spend their time with the teacher when the teacher was available. And now maybe some of them would regret it, say, I could have spent more time with him, I wish I had. And some of them who feel that way are now, today, they're very devoted to him, some of them. but they still passed up on opportunities when he would have spent time with them if they were available.

[53:47]

He was available to them and they weren't available to him. And anyway, does that make sense? Now, some people I might think, well, they're not as virtuous as me, you know. I might have thought that. There were some people at Sam Center who were, you know, criminals, you know. felons you know drug addicts they were Zen Center too insane people who were having trouble practicing virtue so when they left Zen Center I didn't feel like well how come how could they leave how could they pass up on this I thought they didn't see anything to speak of but the people who were practicing with me some of them walked away from Suzuki Roshi passed up the opportunity Thank you for a wonderful answer. And now I'm going to do something a little risky. Might we be thinking about you that way?

[54:49]

Thinking like, God, how come I didn't spend all my time with Ren? What fool was I? In your mind, when you talk about Suzuki Roshi, do you ever think about, are we being that way with you? Because every time you mention that way related to Suzuki Roshi, I think, oh, man, are we doing the same thing right now? And I'm wondering, do you think that? I do occasionally think that. Maybe I'll be in the Zendo sometimes. Not during this retreat. Thank you very much. When I'm in the Zendo, I usually say, wow, it's great, all these people are here. This is wonderful. But I do sometimes go in the Zendo at Green Gulch. And I think, well, My practice is kind of little.

[55:51]

My practice is kind of puny, obviously. Because nobody wants to sit with me. I accept that. What I'm doing is just not that interesting to people, that they're going to get up in the morning and come here and sit here. They've got other things to do. They're tired or whatever. They want rest. It's understandable. But sometimes the Zendo's just got a few people in it. Often they are, sometimes it's like, I don't know, four priests and three guest students. But I often am feeling like, I do have this feeling like, well, I particularly have the feeling that, well, there's four priests here, that's great. At least those four are here. So I sometimes feel like, well, I'm actually available here to sit with and people have other things to do.

[56:57]

And I often tell the story, I went to Zazen one time at 5.30 in the afternoon at Sokoji Temple, which is where Zen Center was before. It was a 300-page street. And I went into the Zendo and there was only one person sitting there, Suzuki Roshi. And then when I got there, there were two. And we sat the period of Zazen. And afterwards, I don't remember exactly what happened, but I might have said, Roshi, where is everybody? And he said that they went to a peace demonstration. But I kind of felt that he was feeling kind of lonely with only one of his students there. So I was kind of glad to have him all to myself, but I also felt a little sorry for him. And I think he felt a little bit missed his students, too. That somehow their priorities weren't such that they would be, even though they were doing some other important things, that somehow their priorities didn't allow them to be with him when he was making himself available to them.

[58:13]

Could I say one more thing about this? Some students come to me who say that they have a problem that I'm not available to them as much as they would like to be. And I do not mind that people feel that way. I think that's good and it gives me and this person an opportunity to deal with them feeling like I'm not as available as they'd like me to be. So that's another nice opportunity. Well, I came up partly to respond to the pounding heart that occurs. Good, welcome. Yeah, come up. But I also have a story. I was in the zendo this morning having breakfast, and I looked up and I noticed that one of the people with a towel was on my serving curtain. You thought that was odd.

[59:35]

Then I looked up to the front and I noticed that my soku was up at the front. Then I realized that I was not where I was supposed to be. And I briefly contemplated, was there a way to get to where I was supposed to be? And I realized there wasn't. Then I had this big, big experience of shame. feeling very ashamed. And it was a big experience, a feeling. But I realized, you know, kind of, okay, I had that feeling of shame, and there was nothing I could do, and there was no more point in going on about it. So I felt like the practice period was working. Hallelujah.

[60:37]

I have another question, though. Up the street from me, where I live, there's some people that get together every week and they chant Namo Amitabha. and I don't go. I go to a place where we do practice like we do here and sit on a weekly basis. What do you think? Should I go up there and would it be a good idea to join in? I think so. I was thinking so. Good idea, good experiment. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Has anybody ever done that? What do they do? How long does it go on? I'll report back. I would suggest you tell Karen before you go. So she knows where you are. So if it goes on too long, she can come and get you.

[61:42]

Okay. There's some Christian churches near where you are too, right? That's true. Yeah, you can go there too. And also there's some gas stations near to where you are. I was just struck at the point where you told about the sequences of causes, that ignorance comes before consciousness.

[62:58]

Well, before, but it's in a circle. It's before in a circle. What is? Oh, ignorance. But ignorance as a condition comes before consciousness, you could say. But there's no ignorance floating out in the air with no consciousness. That's why I wondered. It's ignorance as a condition. When there's this, then this arises. but doesn't mean that it pre-exists it at a time when there's no consciousness there. So it's ignorant consciousness is a condition for karmic formations, and karmic formations come with consciousness, so it's a consciousness, but emphasizing the karmic formations gives rise to consciousness. And this next consciousness also has karmic formations and ignorance. So all these different parts, there's consciousness throughout this process, but emphasizing different conditions in the process as essential, as especially good to meditate on in the evolution of consciousness, developing bondage.

[64:17]

But nothing is seen really as a sequence in that order. It's all... Like every step is rising together with the other, like... No, it's actually all... it can see it as simultaneous, but it's actually presented as temporal. But I'm just saying that it doesn't mean that there's no consciousness where there's ignorance. It's just emphasizing the ignorant quality of consciousness, or a conscious ignorance. Because ignorance has also the quality of ignoring in it. There's actually some activity there in this ignorance. It's not just all passive. So there's consciousness there, but we're emphasizing the ignorant part of the consciousness, and that sets up this karmic way of constructing the world. But that's our consciousness with that activity of constructing karmic formations.

[65:21]

And now we have consciousness which is going to be set up now to deal with the world. So we have name and form, and we have sense organs, we have contact, and then we have feeling. But this feeling is conditioned by ignorance and karmic formations. But actually, this can be viewed in what's called time. This isn't time, this is temporal. It's temporal, but all the different parts of the process are present at each time. Just like all of us, in a sense, are in the room, but we're proceeding, what do you call it, temporally, too. So there's temporal sequence, even though each, you know, and the temporal sequence could be emphasizing the action of one of us in a moment and the action of another one of us in a moment as explaining a particular aspect of our evolution.

[66:22]

And does that circle suggest, too, that there is no consciousness without ignorance? No, it doesn't, because it suggests that actually with the cessation of karmic formations, there's a cessation of ignorance. If you go counterclockwise... But also a cessation of consciousness. With the cessation of consciousness, there's a cessation of karmic formations, yes. It tells you that too. So it's telling you interesting things. It's telling you, for example, if you have consciousness, it depends on karmic formations. So it's giving you Abhidharma teaching. This early teaching is... He didn't say it, but if you look at it, it implies a basic Abhidharma teaching, a basic Buddhist psychological teaching, which is consciousness doesn't arise without karmic formations. So you don't just have an awareness of a blue color or a salty taste.

[67:29]

you're aware of the salty taste, and also you have a story about your life at that moment. That's a basic teaching, but this sequence shows you that if there's consciousness, it depends on karmic formations. And it also tells you karmic formations depend on consciousness. So you can draw from that that if you've got consciousness, you've got karmic formations. And you don't have floating karmic formations without consciousness. They're interdependent. Wholesome and unwholesome. Unwholesome and unwholesome, yeah. So these are conclusions which you can draw from this basic teaching. Which aren't explicitly said. You wouldn't draw the conclusion, asking that again, that without ignorance there is no consciousness? Without ignorance there is no consciousness?

[68:34]

Or there is no consciousness without ignorance? this kind of consciousness, the word that's used here, vijnana, this kind of consciousness, according to this teaching, there wouldn't be consciousness without ignorance. Yeah, discriminating consciousness, dualistic consciousness, you wouldn't have that without common formations and ignorance. You wouldn't have it. Isn't there also a specific ignorance, an ignorance that believes there's a separate self? But that's discriminating consciousness, which actually thinks these things are separate. There's a self in the thing you're seeing, actually is the ignorance. The ignorance, the basic ignorance is the thing you're seeing, the color or the taste you're tasting, that there's a sense that it's out there on its own. That's one definition of basic ignorance, and that's the kind of consciousness that arises.

[69:42]

So it is possible that, first of all, that this consciousness and this karmic formation and this ignorance are empty of any inherent existence, and in that context, they don't exist. In that context of that realization, they don't exist. I'd like some hot water. Please come. Senor Valentino. Sometimes coming up here, I think you have fangs. You think I have fangs?

[70:44]

Yeah, and it's a little dangerous. So I come up here and I usually stumble over what I'm saying. And it makes it kind of difficult. Yeah. So wholeheartedly scared. Good. What you're saying about causality, in terms of causality and emptiness, The causality is this constantly changing process, and it's sort of like seeing the two of them together, the way you were explaining the other day, is if you look at all the things that are changing, there's nothing that ends up being fixed, there's nothing that ends up being the thing. So the entire process of emptiness is, as you were saying the other day, causality.

[71:46]

So if you look at change, and you can't find a thing. And so everything that we do is within change. And so in the Lotus Sutra, it's like the entire process of existence is change. And so you're talking about reciting the Lotus Sutra. Existence is reciting the Lotus Sutra all the time. Existence is reciting the Lotus Sutra all the time? In the Buddha way. Existence is reciting the Lotus Sutra. Existence is reciting the truth all the time. That's the Buddha way. And that's the sense that I have from what you were saying, that what we do is create a thing which is a fixed entity separate from everything else. That's our ignorance. And that process sort of fixes it in time.

[72:47]

It can't change. We construct that, that it's that way. It's not really that way, but we make a construction like that. And that process there makes us stuck with things we want to hold on to as being this way or wanting them not to be another way. Right. That's the clinging which leads to the birth, old age, and so on. That is sort of the process of seeing that everything is changed. including this. Not just change, though, but causal change. So it's a change and causation together, that there's patterns here. If there were no patterns, I think the Buddha is saying, he isn't just saying it's change, he's saying it's change in cause and effect. So not just saying study change, but study the pinnacle rising of the change, or in the midst of change, study the pinnacle rising.

[73:56]

There's no independent change. And there's no independent change, right. And this is what helps us in thinking that the Buddha way is a fixed thing, or that Buddhas are fixed things, or that sentient beings are fixed things, or that evil is a fixed thing, or that good is a fixed thing. It helps us see the Dharma in everything. And the Dharma is this causation, this constantly changing set of causal relationships. And deep faith in causation is to be mindful of change. In other words, watch this causal nexus and then be ready for the next one and the next one. So it requires uprightness, alertness, flexibility. And what you're seeing promotes uprightness, alertness, and flexibility.

[74:58]

So practicing with these things this way opens you to the teaching, and the teaching opens you to practice this way. That process of seeing change as existence, as everything, it eliminates that self, that separate self. And so that process is just engaging with everything because it's doing it anyway. It doesn't really eliminate the separate self. Because you can't eliminate a separate self. Because there isn't one to eliminate. What, the belief in the separate self? It eliminates the belief in the separate self, yeah. You stop acting on that belief so it's not really a belief for you anymore. Because you act on what you believe. So you can stop believing the image of the separate self, the idea of the separate self. That's called selflessness.

[76:03]

That's selfless action. And it's for the welfare of others. Because you're completely engaged with what's arising. Yes. You can do that job because you're completely engaged. Not that way to be. Got it. Even if it's a bad way to be, it's not a fixed bad way to be. No, it's floating. And even if it's a floating way to be, it's not a fixed floating. And sit on your unfixed seat. That's one of the ways to practice is when you sit down, sit on unfixed chairs. Last night, I had a hard time getting to bed.

[77:17]

I was tossing and turning, waking up. Going to bed or going to sleep? Going to sleep. No, going to sleep. But continuously I woke up several times and I had this feeling that Dharma was processing me. There was some time I woke up and I was picking my nose, and it's like I don't know if I was really awake or dreaming, but I was thinking that this feels like, this picking my nose is like realizing picking my nose. I was like, there's... Performing the Lotus Sutra? Yeah. Performing the Lotus Sutra? There's no boogers to pick, you know. You're making a snuff Buddha. Congratulations.

[78:18]

But going to bed, I was kind of enjoying... somewhere, feeling that there was just this, that I was just this flickering person passing through. Did you feel relaxed? Yeah, I felt glad. Yeah, when you said that, I felt really relaxed when you said that. And I thought about you. I thought about you. I thought about Reb. Lovely Reb. And I thought some words to myself. I can't remember them. I thought that God asked me to thank you for for being fearless in your actions and use of words.

[79:22]

Saying one word, sitting somewhere, setting your foot down somewhere, excluding all the other possibilities, not being afraid of excluding all the other possibilities. Kind of like not being afraid of fleshing out the picture, the painting. I thought about how feeling the edges of the wave, this world that we create here. Feel the edges go out to the edges of the wave. Because there's a, and you're able to do that because you know that there is the ocean. The other day you talked about Nagarjuna and you said he made a, or he said that, what's the word, conventional designation is the middle way.

[81:11]

He said, that which is a dependent core arising, I proclaim to be emptiness. That being a conventional designation is the middle way. What does that mean? Conventional designation. Well, it means like dependent co-arising is a conventional designation. It's words which have some conventional meaning, a shared meaning about what dependent co-arising means. the different words in English, but also within the Buddhist context of what that means, causation. And then the word that, that I could proclaim to be, that's another conventional designation. Emptiness is another conventional designation. And the fact that I said those things and now I'm mentioning to you that that's a conventional designation, that makes my proclamation the middle way.

[82:20]

So emptiness is the middle way. Dependent core rising is the middle way. And I also mentioned to you that me saying that those are the middle way and that my saying them that I mentioned that I'm making a statement of that effect remembers that this is a linguistic expression that emptiness is the middle way. I'm not saying emptiness is the middle way and forgetting that I just said something. Otherwise, you might think it might substantiate both dependent co-arising and emptiness. I'm giving you these words, dependent core arising, that's the central teaching of the Buddha. And I'm telling you that it's emptiness, namely there's nothing substantial about it. And also insubstantiality of things.

[83:28]

All things are empty, but the insubstantiality is causation. It's not nothing. Emptiness isn't nothing, it's causation. But causation isn't something, it's emptiness. So we tend to think causation is something, but no, it's emptiness. We tend to think emptiness is nothing. No, it's not nothing. It's causation. And also what I just said now is talk, is language. Remember that, and then you'll understand this teaching is the middle way. If you hear me say causation, the main teaching, is insubstantial, that's good. If you hear me say that insubstantiality of things is causation, that's good too. But remember, you just heard a verbal expression of that. And if you remember that's a verbal expression of these two important points, then that will be the middle way to balance these three things.

[84:30]

If you forget that this is just language... then you'll substantiate the hard work to free you from substantiating. So once again, if you study causation, which you've understood is the Buddhist teaching, you might make it substantial. Even though you're watching change and the causal relations of change, you still can put substance onto it, still. So you're told, no, no, that's emptiness. You're looking at the right thing, but you can't get a hold of it. You're looking at beauty, but you can't get a hold of beauty. It's emptiness. So emptiness helps you empty the teaching of causation. But causation helps you from substantiating emptiness. But then on top of all that, this is just talk. Don't forget that. This is the middle way.

[85:36]

The one verse is the middle way. It's maybe the most important verse in Buddhism. Chapter 24, verse 18. Chapter 24, verse 18. That's maybe the most important in Mahayana Buddhism. Thank you. You're welcome. No, the Fundamental Verses of the Middle Way by Nagarjuna. And once again, I said that the Prajnaparamita is usually understood as the topic of the Prajnaparamita's emptiness. And Nagarjuna's writing about the Prajnaparamita, but he's really emphasizing the basic Buddhist teaching in the context of emptiness, he's emphasizing causation in that text on the Middle Way. But more than that, he's emphasizing also that what's here is just conventional designation about this wonderful topic.

[86:45]

And that's what we're doing in this class, too. That's why it's good to be relaxed and playful with all this. I'm very confused as to the issue that I'm going to try to talk about. And if I see that it doesn't come out, then I'll stop and I won't ask you now. So is it possible to be aware of having direct perception of reality? Or is awareness itself already the realm of thinking? Are you asking, is it possible to have direct perception? And be aware. Well, to say, okay, so most people are having direct perceptions, but they do not ascertain their direct perceptions.

[87:50]

So that's a kind of basic proposition of Buddhist epistemology. We do have direct perceptions. And yogis verify that not just they have direct perception, but ordinary people have direct perceptions. They verified that, and now modern science has verified that there is direct perception. But modern science and Buddhist epistemology also have proposed, they seem to have found that people have direct perceptions, but they do not ascertain that they're having direct perceptions. What does ascertain mean? Well, in a sense, they're not conscious of it. They have a consciousness, but they're not conscious of it. So, like, you can do tests with people and watch them respond to certain input, and you ask them about the input, and they do not know they registered it, but you can see that they are registering it and responding to it. So, you know, like, direct perception is the way we actually become aware of physical data.

[88:56]

But we are not aware of all the physical data we're aware of. We're not conscious to the usual level of ascertained conscious mind. We are not aware of most of our direct experiences. Right. Most of all, we're aware of these conceptual cognitions, which are indirect. Because I have this dream or story that it is possible to live in awareness in such a way as to not be identified constantly with everything that is happening, but just flow in that awareness, not rejecting thoughts or feelings or opinions or anything, but

[90:13]

Well, basically, I think that the traditional Buddhist stories agree with that, that it's possible to ascertain that level of life where we're flowing with all these causes and conditions and change. It's actually possible to actually enter that flow and be aware of it. It's possible to live that way part of the time anyway. Harder the time. Because when you come into speaking language and so on, you have to go into conceptual cognitions, which in some sense, it's hard to... Most people can't be aware of conceptual cognitions at the same time that they're actually ascertaining direct perception, where this actual rich flowing is going on. But it's possible when you don't have to talk and hear language, that you can enter into such a space and people who get concentrated enough can do that.

[91:19]

If they can get concentrated enough. Usually people who have this experience are really concentrated at that time. So a high degree of, say, I don't know how you call it, training or whatever. Yeah, training. Training. I'm thinking of Dogen saying, if you XXX, because I cannot remember the words. Oh, yeah, I know that part. Then you will find, and I'll let you say that part if you want to. Yeah, when you experience... sights and sounds with your whole body and mind, it's not like the moon reflected in water. It's not like the mirror in the image.

[92:22]

When one side is illuminated, the other side is dark. Is that what you're referring to? I think so. Good. So when you discover, and now I'm going to say something terrible, I'm sure. Really? A treasure trove. And you'll use it at will. And you'll use it at will. Yeah, right. That was terrible. Well, so... Yeah, so, who cares if it's terrible? It's a treasure trove and you're using it at will. And you're using it at will? Yeah, it's good. It is. Oh, thank you. So, the ancestors welcomed us to

[93:29]

see sights and hear sounds with our whole body and mind. Any problem with that? Is that okay if everybody does that today? Shall we? Okay, let's go. May our pretension equally extend to every being and place, wherever the Jew and the devil dwell this way.

[94:03]

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