The name I gave to this class is the Bodhisattva's Creativity and Freedom. And I proposed last week and this week more or less the same thing, that the creative mind is compassionate towards its objects and plays with them, or that the creative mind plays with the objects which it's compassionate towards. So I'm ... the way I play sometimes is to say the same thing over in many different ways. The creative mind is the door to freedom and peace and bliss.

[01:06]

The creative mind is the path, a practice, fully lived and fully meaningful life. Putting it negatively, if we don't realize this creative mind, our life is less meaningful and healthy and free than it could be if we realized this mind, this creative mind. I've been thinking about and I think one thing I feel is that if you think of the creative mind in terms of persons, then like a human being, I think a human being can sometimes be inhabited by this creative mind and sometimes lose touch with it.

[02:22]

So it's not exactly the person A person isn't created if they lose this mind. So it's possible that some noted creative minds have lapses. I hesitate to mention particular people, but I've heard of some amazingly creative minds And I think that when the person, I think of some people who seem to be inhabited by a very creative mind. And I believe, or I'm practicing according to the understanding that when that creative mind inhabited their human being, They were compassionate towards the field of their creativity. They were compassionate towards the paint, the brushes, the colors, the canvas.

[03:31]

And in that compassion, they played. And in that playful compassion, in that compassionate play, they were free. and happy. And I've heard about these people then, you know, turning towards some other, these people, apparently not being some objects. And I feel that at that time, in the areas that they weren't compassionate, we do not celebrate their activity. That there they did not seem to be artists. There, when their playfulness was not compassionate, when they shifted paints and shapes and when they shifted to people, and if they continued to play, if their play wasn't compassionate, we don't celebrate that as a work of art. So I think it's possible for people in some realm to open to the creative mind, in other words, open to the compassionate mind which plays,

[04:47]

And in that realm, the creative, meaningful life is realized. And then they lose it in other realms. ...is one who aspires. And some of these people, I get the impression that that was okay with them, that they didn't mind that in this area they were creative and that in their family life they weren't. or in their business life they weren't, or in relationship to other creative beings. Suddenly this and playful and got selfish and stingy and impatient and unethical. And then people don't say, that was like so beautiful the way they related to the other artists. No. But some of them did. The Bodhisattva aspires The welfare of all beings, the bodhisattva aspires to compassion towards all beings, all objects of their awareness, aspires to be compassionate to them and play with them all.

[05:52]

Bodhisattva aspires to have every interaction with every being to be free of any obstruction to peacefulness and freedom. They don't attain that all of a sudden, it's a gradual process, but that's their aspiration. So the bodhisattva is not one who's compassionate in one area and not intending to be compassionate in another. Their intention is, their vow, their promise is to be compassionate towards all beings, all phenomena, all experience. But they're not just being compassionate towards things and being playful for them to free themselves from the unhealthy life that's not creative.

[06:55]

They're doing it primarily for others. And that actually helps them be compassionate. and make their play real creativity. Another way of talking about this that I was using at Green Gulch last year was the principle is immersion in X, immersion in whatever, immersion in any object, is freedom from that object. Immersion in suffering is freedom from suffering.

[08:06]

Immersion in delusion is freedom from delusion. Immersion in addiction is freedom from addiction. Immersion in the false is the path of freedom with or in or of the false. And most of us have plenty of false. Most of us, the way we see things, we see, for example, others as existing separate from us. Immersion in the appearance that other people are not only not us but separate from us, immersion in the false appearance that other beings have a life that's separate from our life, of others is separate from our life, immersing ourselves in that false view will free us from that false view.

[09:08]

And immersion means being compassionate towards the false. Being compassionate towards the appearance that somebody's life is not your life. being compassionate towards the appearance that you can live without someone, that you can have a life without this person. Be compassionate to that. And if you can be compassionate with it, then you can play with it. Well, excuse me. If you can be compassionate with it, then you can relax with it. And if you can relax with it, you can play with it. And if you can play with it, you can understand it. If you can play with it, you can enter into creativity with it. And if you can enter into creativity with it, you can understand it. And if you understand it, you can be free of it. So all the obstacles to creativity are objects of compassion.

[10:16]

So anything that's interfering with your creativity, if you practice compassion towards what's interfering with your creativity, if you practice compassion towards what seems to be hindering you from a meaningful life, and you really immerse yourself compassionately with that thing that's hindering you from creativity and happiness, then you can relax with this thing that's basically a big problem for your happiness. And a big problem for other people's happiness, too, if they have similar obstacles. And then you can start to play with it. And then you can enter into a creative relationship that stops hindering you from being creative. I often use the example, you know, what do I know? But I use the example anyway. Michelangelo had this big obstacle. called a huge slab of marble, which was hindering him from making this sculpture called David.

[11:25]

You know, the thing that was standing between him and this sculpture was this block of marble, among other things. I don't know what, you know, that was the myth for him. He himself, I get the feeling, had almost no, maybe, who knows, no laziness. But maybe he did. Maybe he had laziness and he was compassionate with his own laziness and he was so compassionate with his own laziness that he played with his laziness and he was creative with his laziness. He played with his laziness. If he hadn't, he played with it. I say he played with it. I say he was creative with any laziness he had. And he was like one liberated from laziness person. He may have been lazy like some of us. How did he get free of it? By being compassionate towards it and immersing himself in it. And then this piece of marble was also kind of like something he had to be compassionate towards.

[12:35]

He had to be generous towards it. He had to be careful of it. Can you imagine? He had to also be careful of the dust that came off while he was working on it. Maybe I mentioned to you before, he had like, you know, like we do now, sort of like tarps all around the statue. And then he had water spraying on him all the time to wash the dust down. So for a long time he was like working in this shower. Lot of obstacles, but I think he was compassionate towards them. And I think he was playful. And I think he entered into that space. And I think he was understood. the marble and his laziness or whatever, you know, whatever other things he had there that he was aware of that he was being kind to.

[13:39]

So this procreative person works with their own stuff and with marble and plants and animals and other human beings. They work with all that stuff. And if it's a bodhisattva, they work with all that stuff, no exceptions. ...inspired to and when they are tempted to cross somebody off the list, this person I'm not going to be compassionate with, this person I'm not going to be compassionate with them. But then they know that that's not what they promised to do. And there's a part of to be ethical, and part of ethical is not to cross anybody off the list. not to say anybody's less important than you or your works of art. And it's possible that all these beings will like really, you know, interfere with you accomplishing anything.

[14:41]

And all the beings who interfere with you accomplishing anything or something, something or anything, or everything, they're all actually objects of your compassion, and they're all for creativity and freedom. So last week, how many people were not here last week? One, two, three, four. So last week I proposed this, which I just said, although you may not have noticed it, a process of trusting, relaxing, playing, creating, understanding, or realizing, and freeing or liberating. Today I'm expanding, trusting, and calling it immersion. Trusting as immersion. And immersion means being compassionate towards the object.

[15:50]

It means being generous and ethical and patient and enthusiastic. And then you can be calm with whatever, including be calm with the obstacles to playfulness. Be kind to the obstacles of relaxation. With the things you feel like you can't relax, be kind to them, be kind to them, and then be kind to them, and be kind to them, and be kind to them until you finally feel like, okay, I can relax. And then when you can relax with it, you can calm down with it. And when you can calm down with it, so the relaxing and the...

[16:54]

Yeah, the relaxing. The relaxing is the traditional Buddhist practice of concentration. Relaxing and calming down is what we call concentration. And you can relax and calm down with things if you're kind enough to them. you can calm down with them. You will calm down with them. You will be calm with them. When you're really calm, you'll calm down with things. So first is trust, compassion, and what it is until you feel so kind that you really feel like, okay. Either you can say, okay, I've done my job. Basically, I can relax with this situation. I've done all I can do. All that can be done has been done for the moment.

[17:56]

So now it's time to relax, rest, calm down. And now that I'm calm, now the wisdom part can start. And the wisdom part starts with being playful. Again, if somebody's suffering and you're not really kind to them, Maybe you don't, you or they may not feel comfortable with just getting playful. If somebody's suffering and you're not really there immersed in their suffering and they don't feel that, they may feel funny, they may not be ready for you to be playful. They or you, when you're really immersed in their suffering, then there can be some play. and then the wisdom part starts and then we can enter into the creativity there in this wisdom part then we start to understand and then there's freedom

[19:05]

Some people maybe think of the color blue or the color white or a stone. They may think that these things are delusions or obstructions to their compassion. They may. But maybe some people don't. But most people find various kinds of addictions and delusions a problem for their compassion. Most people don't even think of being compassionate towards blue. But in this sense, I suggest that we start to be mindful about being compassionate towards the color blue. If only that, you know, start with the easy stuff. Blue, blue t-shirt, blue raksu, black clothes. Start That's why I asked you when you're sitting, you know, nobody was bugging you, particularly besides me.

[20:25]

And so when you're sitting here quietly, can you be kind towards the objects you're awareness? Can you be kind? Like I actually thought, I wasn't saying for sure I am being kind, but I felt kind of like kindly towards the sound of that train. Did you hear the train, the sound of it? I felt, I really felt good about being kind to that train sound. Here we are, you know. came all the way over to Berkeley to be kind to that train sound. So, yeah, be kind to colors, be kind to sounds, be kind to smells. Don't skip over any object. Every object, see if you can be compassionate towards everything you see, hear, think, and everything you think, too. Even if you think negative things, even if you think thoughts which are kind of like unethical, If you ever think any unethical thoughts, and lately I've been using the word for ethics.

[21:28]

Another word for ethics is just or justice. If you think any unjust thoughts, if you see any injustice in your mind or injustice outside, practice compassion and justice. Be generous towards injustice. Be just. towards injustice. Be patient with injustice. And of course be patient with impatience. Impatience and stinginess and impatience are obstacles. Could be seen as obstacles to creativity, but really they're not actually obstacles, they're opportunities to develop the compassion, which will make it possible to relax with these obstacles. So we don't usually think of a color as an obstacle. We think of ill will as an obstacle or greed as an obstacle.

[22:31]

But they're only obstacles if you're not being kind to them. But they're not really obstacles. They seem to be obstacles when you're not doing with them what you need to do in order to be creative. Painters actually find colors, you know, major obstacles. They have like big problems with them because they sometimes are impatient or ungenerous with what's available, you know? I wish I had different colors. I wish I had, I'm looking for a different red and I don't have it. And I'm feeling kind of impatient and stingy and I'm on the verge of slandering the colors I've got. Use a color that you don't want to use. I'm just saying if you can't find the color you want and you're kind towards the colors you have, you'll do a work of art before you even get to the color you want. Again, addictions, a lot of people would see addictions as problems, but again,

[23:50]

if we can be compassionate towards addictions, I mean basically things that make us veer away, the tendencies which make us veer away from being present in our life situation. And we need to be present in order to be compassionate with what's here. So the addictions are the things which make us veer away from taking care of this. So again, part of being compassionate is to have the courage to not veer away. And part of having the courage to face veering away. human beings have a hard time being in the middle of their life because we're surrounded by existence and non-existence, self and others.

[25:03]

I was talking to somebody recently about being open and relaxed on one side. That's one kind of, is that an extreme? No. The extremes are around being open and relaxed. So what are the extremes of being open and relaxed? The extremes around open and relaxed are inattention and not caring. That's one extreme. And the other one is caring too much or giving too much attention. Those extremes, generally speaking, live in a realm of too much attention and not enough attention. And being open and relaxed is in the middle of them. But in the middle of those two, things are much more intense than on the extremes. And people often go to like caring too much, much at all, to avoid the intensity of neither of those. Being ethical or just means to be careful, to be full of care, but just to be full of it

[26:19]

not overflowing, not leaky care. Just like right to care. Just care. And it's hard for us to have the courage to be there because there's a tension between caring too much and caring too little. If we care too little, people we care about may have a problem with us. So we're afraid of that, which, yeah. If we care too much, did I say care too little over on this side? If we care too much, people will call us uptight, you know, tense, rigid, inflexible. And we don't want that. Fine. We don't want it. Don't. Neither of them is more intense than making either of those mistakes.

[27:24]

It takes more courage to be in the middle of the two and be open to both faults than just say, okay, I'll just do one of them. And I get to choose maybe which one for maybe. They can fault me for that, but they can't fault me for that. I'm only half wrong. I'd be both double wrong or triple wrong, quadruple wrong. There's no limit to how wrong you could be if you're in the middle. You can make mistakes in multiple dimensions. But if you lean over to this side, you're only making this mistake. When you're not making any mistakes, then you're vulnerable to all mistakes. So again, when you have the courage to be in the middle, You're in a place where you can relax, and then when you relax and open up, that's when you're most vulnerable. People think of concentration, you know, as like focusing on something.

[28:26]

That's not really what it is. It's giving up distraction. It's being open to all kinds of mistakes rather than this one or that one. If you're making this mistake, those are your distractions from being in a place where you're open to all mistakes. When you're relaxed and open, you're ready to make any mistake. And you might. Well, who wants to be there? The bodhisattva wants to be there. And in order to be there, we have to be really kind. We have to be kind with ourself who's having a hard time being there. Be kind to ourself who's scared to be that vulnerable. Again, vulnerable to what? Unlimited mistakes. There's no mistake you couldn't make. Again, when you're leaning way over to the left, it's fairly, it's pretty likely you're leaning to the left, but it's going to be more difficult to lean to the right than it was when you were upright.

[29:32]

When you're upright, you can lean to the left in many, many ways. In many, many ways. You can lean, what do you call it, left by forward, and forward by right, and back by left, and back by... Do you understand? When you're balanced, you can be off. There's no limit to the ways you can be off. And you're totally vulnerable to being off when you're not off. Who wants to be there? The bodhisattva. Why? To benefit all beings. Why would that benefit them? Because everybody's afraid to be there. Where is that place? That's the place of bodhisattvas. That's the place of life. That's where life really is. That's where Buddhas sit. Like they say, Buddhas sit in the midst of fierce flames. That's where Buddhas sit. What are the flames? The flames of infinite error That's where they sit.

[30:35]

That's where creation happens, is where there's no mistake you can't make. It takes a lot of courage to be there. Where's the courage going to come from? It's going to come from being compassionate, from being generous and full of care and patient. It's going to come from thinking about how cool it would be to be in the middle of the flames. How wonderful it would be to really be fully alive and show other people how to do it. But if you want to be in a place and say, well, I can do whatever I want now, it's more like I can make unlimited kinds of mistakes, but I'm actually trying to be careful so I dare to be in a place of unlimited number of mistakes. I have the courage to do this because I think it's really, really good.

[31:39]

And now that I'm here, I also now would like to calm down in this extremely vulnerable place. And I'm also vulnerable to, this balance is, not only can I make any kind of mistake, but even that situation is constantly changing. So I'm fragile. So the way I'm vulnerable isn't going to stay the same. The next moment it's a different kind of infinite vulnerability. And again, so fragile and invulnerable. So now I'm here. Can I relax here now? This is the place where actually now I can think about how good it would be to relax in the middle of this extreme intensity and tension. I really need to relax here now. And then can I play with this?

[32:42]

Because again, when you're balanced, you think, well, can I play? Well, playing here is really great. I think I've just thought of that guy, you know, what's his name? What's his name? Was his name Pierre Petit? Petit, Mr. Petit? Was his name Petit? It's a little French guy who walked between the Twin Towers. You know, he got out there and the guy played. Philippe Petit. He got out there and he played. Was he happy by any chance? Was he free? Was he vulnerable? Was he kind? I say he was kind. Was he kind when the police got him?

[33:44]

Was he kind to the police? I don't know about that. But I feel that he was very compassionate when he got up on that thing. And I feel that he was very concentrated and he was very vulnerable. He relaxed. You ever seen pictures of him doing it? Lying down on the thing up there? And then was he kind to the policemen who were calling him in? I think when he was on the rope, I think he was kind to them. When he got off the rope, I don't know how he did. But I think he was kind with them, and I think he was playing with them. And I think that they didn't mind. They almost opened him being playful. So anyway, that came to mind. Bodhisattva's aspired to this balance with compassion,

[34:45]

and playfulness and understanding what life's about and freedom. And so part of what I invite you to do is bring up anything you think doesn't bring up anything you think isn't a good opportunity to work with that as a way to enter into creativity. And I have some examples myself. I brought up some. I welcome you to bring up your doubts, your reservations, your, yeah, your, yeah, your doubts, anything, any realm you don't trust, compassion. Anything you think, yeah, anything that's hindering you from relaxing. And if you feel relaxed, then tell me if you feel relaxed and unable to play.

[35:47]

I'd like to hear about that. So that's what I'd offer you tonight. And again, that's what I offer you tonight. You look like you have a headache, Lisa. Are you OK? You okay with your pain? What? You're immersed. Great. Yes? I think this is sort of resonating with what you're saying. One thing I've been noticing and it seems to have become more permeable for me is like the anxiety. Anxiety about anxiety, yeah. So I'm noticing that I just... It kind of makes sense that I have anxiety about something or someone else does.

[36:53]

Because I think in the past there was this layer of anxiety about, you know, being anxious about being anxious. Mm-hmm. Did you say that now you just have one... But a lot of people, that's their, you know, I'm still working with it, but it's kind of become more permeable. So it's like, you pass through that down to the central anxiety. Yeah, or also just take the other anxiety and just sort of like squish it in together with the other one. Lay it in there to make a more condensed or bigger ball of anxiety. Okay? So now I got this ball of anxiety. So you know, about that, you know. Turning away from this and touching are both wrong. For this is a great ball of anxiety. This is a great ball of fire. And if you turn away from it, you'll freeze.

[37:54]

If you turn away from that anxiety, you got any other anxiety, don't push that away, just bring that, bring that layered in with the other, now you've got a nice big fat ball of anxiety. If you turn away from it, you'll freeze. If you touch it, you'll get burned. So how can you be like, stay close and stay, you know, use it to keep warm, walk around it, stay close, and don't touch it. Don't, you know, don't grasp it. Another principle in this practice is How would I put it? Flow means you're not grasping anything in the flow. So your immersion in the flow of anxiety, there's no grasping of the anxiety.

[38:55]

And in the immersion with anxiety, you will freedom from it. immersion right to the center of the anxiety. In the center of the anxiety is where the artist sits, is where the Buddha sits with the artist, in the middle of that anxiety. And to get to the middle we have to . So sometimes, I just talked about walking around it, but if you walk around it without grasping it, you're actually in the middle of it. My friend anxiety, I don't hold onto it. If it goes away, I say goodbye. I say hello, you say goodbye. That's kind of like not grasping it, right. That's kind of like being respectful of it.

[39:58]

That's kind of like not . That's kind of like not grasping it. It's kind of like welcome. And it's also kind of like helps you be patient. And it also helps you get ready to like actually start play with it, that attitude. Yeah, so that's all that goes very well with that. Eileen? Could you speak up, Eileen? Yeah, you might be right.

[41:06]

Well, did you remember, were you here for the early part of the class by any chance? Were you here for the early part of the class? Yes. Yeah, I said it's not like you don't look at the person, you look at their performance. So, when he was on the rope, at that time, he wasn't being a jerk. I'm proposing that to you. I'm proposing that this selfish guy found a place to get a little break from being selfish. If you're right that he was like 82% selfish in terms of like anthropological study of him, I'm saying that when he's on the rope, I'm saying there was an exception to his selfishness. And I'm saying the bodhisattva wants to be on that rope all the time. all the time, you're not going to be unkind to your friends. But some artists do find a place which they value very much because they get relief from their selfishness by their art.

[42:17]

But they don't have the vow. They don't tell people, and I vow to do this with you, so that people don't say, well, you're not being compassionate to me. You're compassionate with your with your rope and your bar and your compassion with your colors and your music, but you're not being kind to me. I thought you said you're going to practice this with everybody." The bodhisattva says, oh, sorry. It's just as important for the bodhisattva to be balanced with his friends as it is to be balanced 1,400 feet in the air. And so I'm saying that there are examples of people finding this freedom and happiness which I believe, as I just suggested, and then they get off the situation where they do not have a way to find that balance again. They can't find it in daily life. And maybe in some sense you might say they're worse than ordinary people who haven't found it in one day.

[43:20]

So I'm talking about the bodhisattva who is open to criticism in all areas, including, yeah, in all areas, they're open to feedback on whether they're being compassionate in all areas, because they want to play with all beings. And if they're not being compassionate with the beings, then the beings can't relax with them. I think the heroicness of living in everyday ordinary life is just as important as Right. That's the Bodhisattva's way, his ordinary life. But it doesn't mean that they can't do a little tightrope walking. You know, they might not be very good, but they could try. And you might find out that they have a hard time compassionate to a tightrope that's four feet off the ground.

[44:24]

You're welcome. Yes, Nancy. By the way, can you hear me okay tonight? Good. Yes. And then my visions just keep up. I was so angry with these people that they wouldn't be patient with me. That's how I felt, that they wouldn't. I'm going to be patient, and then they're not being patient. I'm just noticing it. I thought I was on a good path.

[45:28]

Maybe you were. Yeah, you thought you were on a good path and then something came up and you felt discomfort or you felt insulted. You felt perhaps not appreciated, not respected. And that was uncomfortable. You felt that they were being impatient with you or maybe they were even acting angry with you. Yeah, honking their horn at you, being rude. So then it was difficult for you to say thank you. Yeah. And it was difficult. And you felt like they were being unjust. Yeah. And it was difficult for you to find a just response to them. Yeah, yeah. And so I would say now try to be kind to yourself. having been somewhat unsuccessful being kind, be kind to your failure, to your apparent failure.

[46:35]

I'm trying to drive faster without driving. I'm saying, well, how slow can I go without being irritating, without being too difficult for people? So like, you know, I'm sort of tentatively trying for 55, but I... 56? How fast? What do you say? Huh? 65? In a 65 mile an hour zone? So you... The kind thing to do is always be at the speed limit. And if they're tailgating me if I'm at the speed limit, what should I do? What? Get over. Get over?

[47:39]

You agree, Nina? Play with them. What do you advise, Nina? You're not going to give any advice right now? . Pardon? Yes? A Jeopardy question? Is this a TV show or a game? Okay. Giving yourself over to something. What is that? A devotion? What? The root of the word addiction is to give yourself over to something. Yeah, well, the root of the word addiction is similar to the root of the word devotion. They have similar roots.

[48:41]

I'm a little confused. Where addiction and immersion touch... I think giving yourself over means kind of like a devotion that throws you off center. Again, there's a tension between taking care of yourself and taking care of the other. So you kind of like either take care of yourself and not the other, or take care of the other and not yourself. You can give yourself over to yourself, excluding other, and you can give yourself over to other, excluding yourself. You can betray yourself and give yourself over to the addiction, but you can also get rid of the addiction

[49:52]

and be too rigid about yourself. So it's a constant balancing act. But I think also that the word addiction touches on something very essential to spiritual practice. And people who have addiction problems, I think, are close to spiritual practice. Which means everybody's close to spiritual practice. Everybody's got addictions. everybody's got some kind of leaning away from the center. Everybody's got some sense of like using something other than being in the center. Everybody's tempted or at risk of grasping something in the flow of creativity.

[50:56]

Everybody's tempted to grasp objects, be creative with them. But if you're creative with objects, you're not grasping them. And you have to be in immersion as necessary in order to not grasp, or when you're really immersed, you're not grasping. So then you can be in the process. Addiction also comes about by a creative process. It also is creatively arrived at. And you can be in the creative process of addiction, and if you're there immersed in it and not grasping it, you're free of addiction. But that's, you know, again, it's like very difficult when somebody honks their horn at you or yells at you. It's very difficult to like not grasp something at that point.

[52:00]

Tap in the face, you went, ooh, tense up, grasp something. So we have to be doing the immersion practices all the time in order to be able to not grasp when some of these sudden insults come. or sudden praises. If we're working with just ordinary things, you know, our ordinary friends, then when our friends suddenly become extraordinary, extraordinarily beautiful or extraordinarily monstrous, we have a chance to continue this immersion in the flow of consciousness, the immersion in a creative relationship of not grasping what we're looking at. The main problem is the grasping of what we're meeting, grasping of the people, grasping of our pain, grasping of our pleasure, grasping of whatever. That's the main problem. And this gets us to the place of finally understanding that grasping is impossible.

[53:05]

That's what you understand when you enter into the flow. And when you understand, then you're free. But before we understand, we have to act like we would if we understood. If we understood and if we learn how to not grasp, pretty much, and be playful, then we enter into creativity and there we understand that in creativity, in the immersion in the flow, there's no way to get a hold of anything. We understand that. So we have to practice that first, though, I think. We can't practice it as fully before we understand as after. After you understand, you will spontaneously, you will effortlessly not grasp before you have to work at it. In other words, you have to notice, oops, I'm about to grasp this position. I'm about to grasp what is right, like this is right.

[54:07]

This is the right thing to do here. OK. You can say that. That can be something in the flow. But are you grasping it? If you are, forgive yourself. You just made a mistake. Whenever you're grasping anything, it's a mistake. Whenever anybody else is grasping something, it's a mistake. But don't grasp that they're making a mistake. Just say, looks like they're making a mistake. Who knows what's actually going on here? But it looks like they're making a mistake. That's what I think is going on. I'm going to like donate that to the Red Cross. I'm not going to hold on to what I think is going on. But I do have, I do think something's going on. And I have quite a few times in the past I thought was going on and because I did in the past as a result of that I have an unconscious mind which is sponsoring grasping things in the present.

[55:13]

So if I do, I want to forgive myself, I want to be kind to myself in my grasping. And yeah, be kind to myself when I'm grasping. There's good reasons for my grasping. The reasons are many, many, many times of grasping in the past. I don't want to. He doesn't want to, but another part of me is sponsoring me doing it. And every time I do it, I might be a little embarrassed or very embarrassed, but I'm not going to be mean to myself about it because I have a teaching which tells me the reasons for it. Like Laurie was saying, you sort of know why you're doing it. It helps you be kind to yourself. And when you're kind to yourself, that has the consequence of making it likely, more likely to be kind to yourself again the next time you do something which is based on your past actions which were not that way.

[56:15]

C'est ce? You introduced two concepts in the sort of playground you described between the two extremes. Yeah. And I'm trying to reconcile them. And what I keep hearing is coming to a sense of balance between the two extremes. Then I hear this other thing about playing, playing with grasping and sort of pivoting whenever you find yourself grasping. And that doesn't feel like a balancing act. It feels more of a mediumness of a flow that you're talking about. You can pivot at the balance point. If you consciously try to find yourself in the balance point, I guess that's the problem. And if you're in flow, are you striving to achieve a balance there, or is the balance just coming from being in the flow itself?

[57:25]

Is it happening in the flow? We are in the flow already. We're in the flow. We're in the flow now. We're not behind the plow. We are in the flow. So there's practice in your best position in the flow. And one of the practices is called being upright or balanced. So we actually try to sit upright in the flow. If you're in the flow, you don't have to like, not sort of, it's not, again, it's not being balanced to try to not do anything in the flow. That's another kind of grasping. You want to grasp You don't want to grasp not practicing compassion. And you don't want to practice practicing compassion. But the instruction is practicing compassion in the flow will help you find balance and not attach to balance. But we do want to have balance because, again, that's about streams where we tend to grasp. We're tempted to go in a direction of grasping one side of the story of our life.

[58:30]

So balanced means not grasping. So balanced in the flow is another word for not grasping. And we don't want to grasp not grasping. We don't want to grasp balance. But that balance means also you're allowing the alternatives of the situation. You're welcoming the alternatives equally. That's kind of a balance. Yes? That's right. The balance is very fragile. Playfulness is fragile. It's just playfulness now. And again, once we find it, we might feel its value and then grab it. So once you find balance, you might grab it, and as soon as you grab it, you lose it.

[59:36]

Then if you don't grab it, you get rewarded with being able The playfulness, you lose it. And also, even if you don't grab it, you lose it. You can lose it because you grab it, and you can lose it because it's impermanent. It's better to lose it because it's impermanent than because you grab it. Because if you lose it because it's impermanent, you have a chance to again meet it with no grasping. But you don't get to keep it in any case. To relax with is how fragile the condition by which we enter creativity is. And you're going to give that idea up, aren't you? Yes? You were thinking about what? Kindness, yes. Yes. I remember that now this whole year I've been trying to see how do I do during the day?

[60:51]

How do I do my regular life when I'm out there with my obstacles? And I see that it's difficult. There is a kind of a point where kindness and niceness intersect. kindness and niceness intersect? The niceness is actually self-motivated. And it's sticky form. So, where you cannot move. So, I wanted to say something about that. I see that someone says something to me. It's, I don't know, it's a great, I'm not actually leading the situation. Yeah, being nice could be kind of a way to support yourself in not meeting someone.

[62:23]

I just got this image of this movie where this white lady was saying to her black servant how nice it would be for the black servant to have her own bathroom in the house. She wanted the black servant to use her family's bathroom, so she made another one for her black servant. And she was talking about it as though she was being really nice, but didn't really feel like she was meeting her black servant. But she was kind of like being nice so she could not notice her unkindness. So there is a kind of niceness we might use to be unjust, to be dishonest. Like we're being mean, but in a... We're being mean, but nicely. And if you're going to be mean, I think it's fine. Nicely, but not nicely so you don't notice you're being mean. So another way to be nice would be to say, you know, I just have, you know, I kind of noticed that I'm being cruel to you.

[63:34]

And yeah, that was, it's kind of nice, nice way to notice that I'm being cruel. But then I can say, you know, maybe nicely, you know, I'm sorry that I was, that I'm being cruel. I really feel terrible that I'm being cruel to you. Please help me. And then maybe the meeting starts to happen. Sometimes kindness has an edge. Yeah, sometimes kindness has an edge. But I think often kindness is actually a kind of deception. A deception. It can be used as a deception, but mainly deceiving yourself. That you're being nice so you don't notice that you're being cruel.

[64:36]

And the other part of it, which I didn't bring up yet, but maybe bring up more next time, is that in the playfulness, I'll try to do this more next time, in playfulness, you can play by yourself. And again, that's like some artists play by themselves, or some children play by themselves. Solitary play. And then there's parallel play. and then there's actual interactive play. And so what I'm leading up to is where you're actually in your own realm and you're relaxed and you're playful and you're understanding pretty well and things are going pretty well and then you come and get together with somebody else whose play pattern is somewhat different and you're going to try to find a way to meet and overlap that that's the real place is not in their place, although they knew how to play.

[65:44]

So in one sense, they know how to play and they want to teach other people how to play, but they also want to learn how the other people are playing and meet in the place where their play and the other person's play are kind of like, but overlapping. So I think that principle is what I'd like to bring out more next time. Because I think it is possible to play by yourself. I often tell the story of when I was eight, my parents noticed, maybe I was nine, my parents noticed I didn't have a lot of time playing alone. And so they had my ears checked. And it turns out my hearing was OK. So then they sent me to a doctor, Dr. Hansen. So then I went to see Dr. Hansen, and Dr. Hansen and I played together. And he was more mature than me, so he found a way to overlap with the child's play area.

[66:48]

But I wasn't playing by myself. I was playing in a way that he could join. And in that overlapping area, I had a good time. I wasn't playing by myself. It was different. But not a lot different. And before every session, he would say, is there anything you'd like to talk about? And I said, no. And at the end of each session, he says, is there anything you want to talk about? I say, no. I never talked to him about anything the whole time. We just played together. And I traveled all the way across a fairly large city by myself to see him. I really liked going to see him and playing with him. Homage to Dr. Hansen. A place to overlap. It's not easy sometimes for a middle-aged man to find a way to play with a boy.

[67:50]

A lot of times boys or girls, they have other interests and all you can do is watch them. But he found a way to play with me. We appreciate his play with me made me able to do things I couldn't do by myself. And that's the basic principle, is that when we find the overlapping play space, we can play in a way that we cannot play alone. So I... That's what I like to... Huh? We built cities... out of cardboard. We built boats, airplanes. Yeah, and I got to take this stuff home for my little brother to destroy. One of my beautiful planes, he sat on top of a lamp.

[68:55]

It just melted all over the lamp. And I didn't hate him. And I was happy that I didn't, that I understood he's just a little boy. Later I thought, maybe he was more mature than I thought. But anyway, I think he's just a little boy. So that's what I talk about next week, is to talk about the overlapping play, which I hope we've already started. On this full moon night, we dedicate the Bodhisattva's play.

[69:44]

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