A life without sadness is not a creative life. A life without sorrow is not a creative life. And I would say I feel some difference between sorrow and grief. I feel sorrow more applies to For example, repentance. The definition of repentance is a sorrow about one's actions that reforms. So part of a creative life is to practice ethics. Some artists, if you look at their lives, you see some unethical aspects of their life.

[01:04]

But in their art, if they're good, there's ethics in their art. That's my observation. And in the practice of ethics, there is the practice of repentance. There is the practice of a type of sorrow... that we feel when we don't do, when we're not careful in ways that we feel would be good to be careful. When we're not kind in ways we wish to be kind, when we're not compassionate in the ways we wish to be compassionate, we feel sorrow. And that sorrow, and in the way that that sorrow reforms us and helps us be compassionate in the way we want to be, that's called repentance. So part of being creative is to practice repentance. Another part of being creative is to practice accepting

[02:09]

graciously accepting and opening to grief. This is part of being creative. I propose that the creative mind is transformingly aware of grief. And you could say that the awareness of grief is transforming. It transforms the grieving into creativity. The disciples of the Buddha, the people who are trying to learn Buddha's compassion, are trying to learn the type of compassion which also fosters Buddha's wisdom. which is a type of compassion for all beings, and the compassion for all beings fosters the deepest wisdom.

[03:20]

That's the proposal two. I propose that the creative mind plays And what does it play with? It plays with the objects it loves. It doesn't just play with things. It plays with objects it loves. It plays with the objects of compassion. I propose that's... Or another way to put it is Loving beings and playing with them is creativity. It isn't just playing with people.

[04:23]

It's playing with people that you're practicing compassion towards. It's a play that includes being careful and gentle and sensitive to your playmate's needs. It includes checking to see if your playmate's ready to play. Playfulness includes asking, are you ready to play? And your playmate saying no. And you say, oh. How about later? No. How about never? Okay, great. Let's never play. Okay, good. Let's never play. And I also propose the creative mind is the door to peace and happiness for all beings. It is the door to wisdom.

[05:26]

Psychotherapy is made of the word psycho and therapy. And the word therapy, the root of the word therapy is, I believe, attendant or attention. So it's kind of, basically it just means attention to the psyche. But I think it also has the implication that it's not just attention to the psyche, but an attention which is healing the stress and pains and unhappiness. And so I'm suggesting that play is healing. and a type of attention to the mind which is actually healing. And furthermore, I share the view of certain meditation teachers and psychotherapists who have suggested that there can be intra-psychic play

[07:11]

play with in some sense solitary play where we are playing that we're being compassionate within our own mind that we're relaxed enough with our own mind to play in this mental field and that that can be actually somewhat healing That can be a situation for calming down and being open to creation. But the most thorough, I should say, and maybe not most, but then to complete the picture is to find somebody to play with and then have overlap in our play. So that some ways I play with myself in my own mind, in my own consciousness, I maybe never be able to share with other people.

[08:12]

Maybe never dare to share with other people. But there's certain realms which I can share. And same with you. And where our play, where our creativity can overlap, this is where the greatest enactment of wisdom occurs but the two go together because after we play together sometimes we have to go take a little break like we're talking about it gets too intense sometimes and we need a little break so we need to go in some sense have solitary play play within our consciousness and then after we get some rest and some encouragement, because again, part of being of courage, part of enthusiasm is rest, is knowing when you've done enough of certain kind of play. You've been doing it, it's been going well, and it's actually time to stop, maybe.

[09:19]

It's turned into inertia. And actually, enough has been done on this time, this type, and it's time perhaps to try another kind, but it's not clear what the next kind will be. So sometimes we have to separate from our playmate and look inwardly to find out what the next step would be. Sometimes we start tensing up in the middle of the play, and the play is lost. And we can't find our own play space, not to mention we can't find the overlapping play space with our partner or partners. So we take a little break. Or a big break. And it's good, actually, if you do have a playmate, to let your playmate know that you like a break and let them know how long a break would be. Because playing occurs in time and space. It doesn't just occur in your mind, and actually in your mind it occurs in time and space.

[10:29]

But particularly interpersonal play, which is, what did I say? That's the place where enlightenment really happens, is in interpersonal play. That kind of play definitely happens in time and space and we have to make formal arrangements. We have to make play dates and the play dates are at a certain time and perhaps also the beginning and the end of the play date is set and also the place. So we're willing to work with time and space when we're playing and we need to be somewhat formal about it in order to, I would say, most thoroughly exercise the play. You can play without being formal, without being specific, but I think both with ourselves and with others, the specificity of time and place offer opportunities for being thorough and getting feedback from our partner and giving feedback to our partner.

[11:44]

around time and space. And then when it comes to time and space, people may feel somewhat playful until someone says, I think it's time to stop. And then they notice that they can't be playful with that. Or I think you're getting too close or too far. And then we find actually some tension or unplayfulness there. a further thing I would like to bring up is that part of what we can play with is teachings about the nature of play part of what we can play with is teachings about the nature of our relationship so there are teachings which are offered like the ones I'm offering and others and so you've been listening to them

[12:52]

with compassion, you've been receiving them and being careful with them and patient with your experience of them, patient with me, generous with me, generous with what's been going on, careful with me, careful with yourself, careful with what's going on. I feel this has been going on, that you've been practicing compassion in relationship to these teachings of compassion. and that you've been practicing being still and quiet and that you've been practicing considering relaxing with all that's happening. And now we're starting to more energetically get involved in playing with what's happening and being creative with what's happening and being creative with the teachings So, one teaching which I'd like to offer you, which I haven't so specifically offered, but I've actually made some gesture towards it, is I've suggested that we are innately inclined, this is a teaching, traditional great vehicle teaching, and that we are inclined to construct, we have a mind which is inclined to construct

[14:16]

the appearance that the things it constructs are separate from itself. We have a mind which constructs mental things, and the mental things are constructed in such a way that the mental things look like they're separate from the mind. In other words, a mental thing that looks like it's not mental, that looks like it's out there separate from the mind. that we're inclined to do that innately. And so the teaching is that because our mind constructs things within itself that look outside itself, it craves them. Partly it craves them because the mind has been split into two and it craves to be reunited with itself. And it not only craves, but then because of that craving, it wants to attach to the things. And because it attaches to things, there's suffering.

[15:24]

That's a basic teaching. And Gail, may I quote you? Your question to me? I think Gail said to me, I think she said, are you saying we're not two different people? Is that what you thought I said? She thought I said, she thought she heard me say, we are not two different people. And I said, I don't know if I said that. But I think what I mean is that you and I are not separate people. We are not separate. I say that. And I say that I'm inclined, my mind is inclined, our minds are inclined, our minds are predisposed to construct the appearance that we are separate.

[16:30]

So I gave her the example of, if you close your eyes and imagine me In your mind, you can imagine me as being separate from yourself in your mind. But you can see that what you're imagining is not separate. When you open your eyes and you imagine that I'm separate, then you believe it, probably. But when you close your eyes and look, you say, well, that's just an image of him. That image of him isn't him. The image I have of him in my mind, that's not separate from my mind. But when you open your eyes, you still have a new image, the kind of image you have when your eyes are open, but you think that is separate from you. Internally, it looks separate, but you don't fall for it. In your dreams, however, when you're looking at people in your dreams and you think they're separate, you actually think that they're separate and you get scared of them. And they chase you around the room and stuff, or you chase them. In your dream, you believe it. When you wake up, you don't believe it.

[17:35]

But then you look at your room and you think your room's separate from you. This is a basic thing we do where things look separate from us. But there is no separation. Separation is a mental construction. We are different people. I agree with that. We're just not separate. The sense of separation is a construction. There's not actually a separation in here. There's space, but space isn't a separation. And somebody made a face like, really? And I say, yes, really. If space was actually a separation, then you wouldn't be able to be in the space because there would be separation there. Separation is a construction which we believe We tend to believe, but it's not forever that we will believe this because if we receive this teaching over and over and keep mindful of it and keep remembering this teaching and receiving this teaching and start to relax with this teaching and play with this teaching, we will realize that there is actually no substantial separation between anything.

[18:57]

The separation is a mental construction. And when we realize that, this would be an example of playing with a teaching until you actually enter it. But in order to enter this teaching and realize it, and when you realize this teaching, you become free of it. When you understand that everything we see is just conscious construction, when you understand that, you have opportunity to become free of that and when you become free of that then you can be compassionate basically all the time with everything but as long as you think things as long as you believe the appearance of separation your compassion is kind of touch and go now your anxiety however is not touch and go it's touch [...]

[20:00]

But when you actually are disabused of this illusion, this false impression, this trick of the mind, then everybody you see, you naturally feel compassion for. And not compassion like liking them or disliking them, but compassion like generosity towards them. Even if the person you see is being unskillful, you still feel generous and gracious towards them. You still practice ethics with them. You still are patient with them. You're still relaxed with them and absorbed in their welfare. Absorbed, concentrated in their welfare. Naturally, always thinking of their welfare because they are your life. And you're not distracted from their welfare by anxiety. Matter of fact, anxiety is another thing you're absorbed in being kind to and another thing you're relaxing with. So everything that comes to you naturally, you're compassionate towards and everything that comes to you naturally, you play with and are creative with and are liberated with.

[21:12]

The creative mind is playing with its objects of compassion, and basically everything is an object of compassion. When the creative mind's turned on, what it's looking at is an object of compassion. When it's not an object of compassion, the creative mind is somewhat disabled, or pretty much disabled. So I'm saying, we are not separate beings, we are different beings. You're not me, I'm not you, and actually you are me. All I am, actually, all I am is all of you. I'm nothing in addition to all you. It's not like there's all of you in the whole universe and then Reb. There's just the whole universe and that perfectly accounts for me. I am nothing in myself.

[22:30]

I am a self which totally depends on not myself. Reb is just the sum total of everything that's not Reb. It includes my history, all my past karma, but my past karma is not me. It includes all my friends and family. It includes all my enemies. It includes everybody that hates me. All the people that hate me make me. I'm not separate from anything. And all the things I'm not separate from are my life. My life is nothing but everything I'm not separated from, which I depend upon. That's a teaching I offer to you, I offer to me, and now the question is to be concentrated on it. And concentrated on it, and absorbed in it, because this is my work. I'm absorbed in this work. What's the work? The work is to remember and practice according to this teaching.

[23:35]

No matter what I do, I would like to basically always be thinking about this. always be remembering that all of you are actually who I really am and you're also each of you is a different person from me in a different way and that difference is what makes me you're different from me but you are my life and in some cases you can really understand that like you can understand this boy is different from me and this boy is my life This girl is different from me. I have no life but this girl. I also have a boy, and I have no life but this boy. Mothers and fathers often feel very clear that they have no life but these children. But then they also have no life but their spouse, and they have no life but their parents, and we have no life but each other. And it's possible that the artist of enlightenment... actually is concentrated on that and gets to a point where they never forget it.

[24:40]

But they have to be kind with themselves to get to that place. To be kind with more or less innumerable distractions from that. Innumerable times of forgetting it. But then also innumerable times of noticing it, feeling sorrow about it, and returning to it. I'm talking to you like this right now, and talking to you like this is the practice of energizing and encouraging. I'm talking like this so that you and I will think it would be a really good idea to do these practices. And when I talk about these, I think how wonderful it would be to do these practices. I think I'm going to give it a try. And if I've ever done it in the past, I do not regret it, and I never regretted doing these practices. Do I regret not doing them? Yes, but not in a way that I'm debilitated by that regret.

[25:44]

I would like to regret in a way that makes me feel like I regret not doing them and I really want to do them. The founder of Zen Center said on a certain occasion, observing his lack of attention in a certain situation, he said, after that... And this happened when he was over 60. After that, I really started to practice hard. After that mistake, you know, he was a Zen master at the time, supposedly, but that Zen master had a lapse in his practice. And he said, after that, I really started practicing hard. And then one of the students said to him, Roshi, weren't you already practicing hard? And he said, yes, but then after that, I really started practicing hard. He also said around that time, now I'm getting old and I can't sit up straight anymore, but I can try. And grieving helps old people keep trying.

[26:59]

And grieving helps young people keep trying. I won't say I'm old, I'll just say this. I'm older than I've ever been before, and you're seeing the oldest version of me that's ever been here. This is the oldest me that's ever been, but I'm also a brand new version of me. I'm completely fresh. This is like totally new me. And yet this me is older than any of the other me's. And there's been some past me's that weren't as fresh as this one. in a sense that I missed them. I wasn't celebrating the fresh me's and I regret those times. When I remember how fresh I am, I don't regret remembering that. So I don't have time to do a census about whether I'm more often remembering my freshness now than I did 25 years ago or 30 years ago.

[28:06]

I'm just grateful that I do quite frequently remember that this life I'm living right now is brand new and also the person that I am I have some sense is in a sense older than his predecessors and I'm not the person I used to be I'm a new person and there's some similarities people have trouble with me now and they used to have trouble with me there's that similarity but but they're having trouble with a new me and that's part of the trouble they have They wish I would just sort of be the same for a while so they could get control of me. But I'm not into controlling you and I'm not into controlling me and I'm not into controlling our relationship. I'm into play. I'm into creativity. I'm into freedom. So I'm into giving up trying to control. I'm not into giving up control.

[29:08]

I don't have control. I'm just into giving up trying to control. I have tried to control people in the past and I noticed that it was no good. No good. Want to hear a story about that? You do? Once I had a dog. Her name was Lara. By the way, I'll tell you a secret. That's one of my passcodes, passwords. It says, what's the name of your first pet? So I think of her quite frequently. Anyway, It's a security code. And she was a mixture. Someone gave me her. Gave her to me as a gift. Anyway, I'll shorten this story.

[30:11]

Two occasions where I tried to control her. One was, I tried... Well, actually, I'll give you a whole bunch of them. One is I tried to not have her have puppies. I didn't want to have a lot of puppies in my apartment. I had a dog. I was okay with that. And my dog looked like she was in heat. I could accept that. And one of the ways I knew she was in heat was because lots of red oozy stuff was coming out of her rear end and it would drip around the house. I accepted that. But I did keep her in the kitchen with that linoleum floor. And she had her bed in the kitchen where she could get this red stuff on the floor, which I could clean up, and on her own bed. So I was kind of accepting of that, but still trying to control that, where the red stuff would drip.

[31:14]

But I didn't want her to get outside because if she went outside, I would have lots of puppies. So when she went to go outside, I went with her. But one time she escaped. And she ran out of the house because she wanted to go out where those guys were. She wanted to have puppies, sort of. I don't know if she wanted to have puppies, but she wanted to meet these guys. She could smell them. They could smell her. And she ran out the door. And they were waiting, you know. They could smell her in the house. So she ran out. I was trying to control her. I lost control, but then I kind of felt, oh, okay, all right. I just kind of gave up. But then there was a different, there was a variety of mates out there, actually. And still, then my controlling impulse came back. When I saw, you know, the different alternatives, I wanted her to choose, I wanted her to get together with this, I wanted her to get together with this husky rather than this other guy.

[32:19]

So I was kind of like letting go of control, letting her say, okay, okay, have a puppy. But then my controlling impulse came back and I wanted to like have her choose, I wanted to choose my son-in-law. But the other, the little guy I didn't like, he was quicker. So he got together with her just like that. And after they got together, I, you know, again, I didn't want her to be with him, so I told her to come in the house. And she was quite obedient. And part of the reason she was obedient, because everything was going well for her, which meant that she dragged the guy up the stairs. Because, you know, once you start, that's it, until you're done. There's a way, you know, that they lock in, and you can't dislodge very easily. So she was actually dragging this little guy up the stairs. So again, I said, okay, okay, forget it.

[33:26]

But she was very obedient. She came. And then that was that. And then that did impregnate her. And then she grew and [...] grew. And this oozing continued through the whole pregnancy. And she actually preferred my bed to her bed. She always did. And before she was oozing, that was okay with me. But again, so I kept trying to keep her on her bed in the kitchen and not have her be up in my bed and getting whatever that stuff was all over my pillows. I was trying to control her. I was not being really compassionate or playful with her. I'm sorry. Anyway, one day I came home.

[34:29]

Yep. Yep. And guess what? I went into my bedroom, and guess what? There she was, up on my pillows. And they were all covered with red stuff. And I said to her, get out, or get in the kitchen. And she got up and went in the kitchen. And then I went over to clean up the mess, and there were quite a few puppies. And I said to her, okay, you can be back in the bed. Over and over I've learned that trying to control beings is not really what I want to do in this life because after it's over I won't want to look back at my life and say, I controlled three dogs and 16 people on 27 occasions, and that's what I accomplished. And I never did learn to give up control and be compassionate and be playful and realize creativity and freedom.

[35:32]

I didn't do that. So now I'm trying to look for any opportunities I can to play with dogs and people and babies and other messy media. For the sake of what? For the sake of creativity and blessings and freedom and peace and enlightenment. But it's hard, you know, when things get messy and when messy stuff gets... interacting with our sense of unmessiness and order and tidiness and control. Right? So that's my introduction to creativity. Any response from you that you care to offer at this time? Yes.

[36:41]

Are you coming up, Karen? You seem to have lost your card keys. Oh. Well, and locksmith's going to come and make you some new keys, maybe? All right. Thank you for telling us. And how are you feeling about this? You're feeling unhappy? Are you practicing generosity towards the situation? Huh? Karen? I'm kind of whiny about it. Are you practicing kindness towards your whininess? Yeah. Good. Do you want me to be compassionate towards your whininess? Yeah. Okay, I'm working on it. Welcome. Welcome, whiny Karen. Yeah, thank you. Hey, Karen, hi. Hi, whiny one. Who's been holding your hand? Oh, not Joe hasn't been holding your hand? No, but... He's willing to, yeah. Yeah. Okay, Karen.

[37:43]

Karen, who is working on her whininess to be compassionate. Your sense of separation from your keys. Okay. Are you trying to relax with your sense of separation from your key? Great. I can sympathize that I would also... I actually was... I was in my car in Berkeley before a class and... I was using the radio, which I probably shouldn't have been using, without the car running. And then suddenly the car stopped. And I actually got kind of upset about that. And I wouldn't have got so upset, except I had a class, and I couldn't even lock the car, because, you know, the car locks electronically. I mean, I didn't think I could. So I thought, well, now what am I going to do? I'm stuck in this car, and I can't have a class, and... I got a little upset about that. And I was kind of impressed that I got upset about such a little thing.

[38:48]

And then everything worked out fine. And here I am. I got over that. And now I move on to Karen's keys being lost and saying that I didn't lose my keys, but I had a car. I had the keys and a car, but the car wasn't responding to the keys. It was kind of like losing the keys, except just that the car was... Actually, the car was just resting. And then after a little while, it came back on. But it had been... I used the battery too long. It didn't go completely dead. It just sort of said, okay, that's enough of you, bub. No more radio for you. Anything else you care to offer? Any other separation problems you're having? Yes. Please come. Angela. Mistakes.

[40:01]

I just, I don't know, naturally, even though sometimes it's painful when I, if you will, make a mistake and notice my ignorance. I always, I... Mm-hmm. It seems as though I don't... It doesn't bother me so much. In fact, I embrace it because I learn it. When you say, it doesn't bother me, you mean making mistakes doesn't bother you? The ignorance, the human condition of my ignorance when I do something. Can I say something? Yes. Mistakes sometimes happen not so much because of ignorance, but because of inattention. Okay. Which isn't the same as ignorance. This is true. So because of inattention or impatience or uncarefulness or ignorance, we make mistakes.

[41:08]

And you're saying that sometimes when you make mistakes, you're not so bothered by the mistake. Yes, because it seems as though this is what I recall in my mind, especially with my Dharma teacher, who would be you. When I do something that I feel is unskillful where I'm not in the moment. it really resonates. It really stays with me. And I learn. I mean, it's almost like I have this bounding... Right. Yeah. And part of the reason you learn is that you're somewhat relaxed around your mistakes. Okay. If we're... We make mistakes, but if we're afraid of making mistakes and we don't take care of our fear, then when we make mistakes, it's harder to learn from them.

[42:11]

So to make mistakes and feel a little bit, a little pain of it, maybe helps us have it be a learning experience. So great beings make mistakes, but they notice them, and by noticing them, everybody is protected. Because they learn. They're constantly making mistakes and they're constantly learning. Everybody makes mistakes, but not everybody's learning. So the question is, how can we be in a position where we're learning from them? And that's why we need to have a compassionate environment in which the mistakes happen. And then if we have that environment and we're relaxed and playful, we can learn from all these mistakes. The point is to learn. Very valuable. It's very valuable. So I'm glad you're just a little bit troubled by the mistakes. Just enough to pay attention, just watching, noticing, you're noticing and you're feeling a little discomfort and you're learning from them.

[43:23]

That's great. Thank you. You're welcome. And there is a rumor, was a rumor, that when Reb Anderson had a grandchild, he... Became more relaxed. I don't know if that was the word that was used. Soft. Softer. More grandfatherly. Became more grandfatherly. Grandfatherly. Became a lot more grandfatherly when he became a grandfather. So after you go meet your new grandbaby, it will be wonderful to experience you again as a new. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I'm also a grandfather of my older grandchildren, too. So soon I'll be a grandfather of a teenager who may not be interested in his grandfather anymore. We'll see. And then I can deal with him not being interested in me anymore.

[44:25]

Carl and I... Carl, yes. Carl, your son? During the break, we had some time, and he takes piano, so he's been wanting to play the piano, but the room was occupied, and he needed to, well, an assignment for school is reading, so he did some reading. And he said to me during reading, you know, I really want to get back to the room so I can play games on the iPad. And... I said to him, and we started, I said, let's walk. So we started walking, and I said, you know, Carl, I feel really anxious when you say that. That makes Mommy feel. When you say you want to get back to the iPad. Yes, when you want to get back to the video games. That makes Mommy anxious. And he, it was lovely.

[45:29]

I mean, he just, he got real still and concerned about, Yeah. Very good. Thank you for doing that practice. Very wonderful. Thank you. Thank you. I am the father of a number of women And it's not news to me that women can be sweet. I've observed that. It's not news to me that women can be sweet. But I didn't really know. I mean, I heard some people saying that men are sweet, but I didn't really get it. I thought, oh, okay, I'm glad you can see that.

[46:31]

But my grandson taught me how sweet the male of the species can be. He was much sweeter than his mother was when she was young. His mother is a fabulous person, but sweetness is not one of her main things. She's got a lot of other amazing qualities, but sweetness isn't a big deal. But he was so sweet. So it made me open my eyes to the sweetness in men. It really made me see that men can be very sweet. Not just little men, but big men can be too. So he really helped me a lot. I kind of feel grandfatherly towards all my male friends. And also towards males that I don't even know who are actually acting like little boys and being quite aggressive about things that they're afraid of.

[47:49]

Like somebody scratching their huge truck. Any feedback you care to offer on how things are going? We have another session tonight. Is there any requests of where we will go from here? In the spirit of creativity, any suggestions or requests? You have a request? Yes, Gail? I would be happy to add guilt. Do you want me to write it on the board or just... Yeah, so Gail would like to add guilt to the list of sentient beings to take care of. Guilt, yeah. So guilt, the same would apply to bring compassionate care to guilt. Both guilt and the sense of guilt, or feeling guilty. Some people, you know, maybe everyone would agree they're guilty, but they don't feel guilty.

[48:53]

So it would be both guilt and feeling of guilty. Add to the list. Again, remember, this is all, right? All. So you can add anything to this list you want. Shame? Yeah, shame. Yep. Shame. How about pride? Pride? Pride. Pride. Okay, I'm running out of space. Pride. Pride should be treated with the same kindness as pain, as guilt, as shame. Yes? Was there another suggestion? About how to be kind to joy? You mean you'd like to give a little more attention to that? Okay. Let's give some more attention to joy and pleasure, how to be compassionate towards joy and pleasure.

[49:57]

Yes? Yes. If you have any suggestion, that's why I ask people to come up. It's so that we can get closer and have more of a sense of each other's bodies. So that's part of it. Yeah, yeah. But if anybody wants to come up and offer something to me, because some people, I'm sort of up for it, but some people might not be up for you dancing with them, perhaps. But if you want to come up and dance with me, you're welcome to. Yes? I have a question about creativity. Yeah. You can bring Joe with you, too. That was pretty good.

[51:05]

Fine. Friend Ronald. Can I say something to you that I've been wondering about for quite a while? Yeah. Yes. Did you intentionally have that shirt on Inside Out? Yes. Kind of playful? I want people to see me first, then my sweatshirt. Okay. So, playful maybe. Yeah, it's kind of playful. Do you want to guess what it says?

[52:09]

I see it says Sac State. All right. Sac State. Because you live in Sacramento, right? Yes. Do you go to Sac State? Yes, yes, I do. Okay, great. Creativity... I usually sit with a lot of anxiety towards a family member that abuses drugs. And I give myself compassion when I feel that anxiety. And I want to know, how can I be creative with that? Are you relaxed with that anxiety? No.

[53:18]

Yeah, I think before you can be creative and playful, you kind of need to relax. You need to be kind of like calm and relaxed. You need to be able to focus on it. but have flexibility around it. And when you get to that place, then the playfulness can start. It actually wouldn't probably start spontaneously, but if you could show that to me, if you could show me your relaxed, calm mind with this anxiety, then I might be able to start jiggling things with you a little bit. But to start playing before you relax, you know, if you're tense and you start playing, you can pull your muscles, right? And both your mental and physical muscles can get twisted and you can pull a muscle if you don't warm it up first. So the concentration practice kind of warms our body up. The compassion does too, but you can be compassionate and tense.

[54:23]

You know, you can be generous and still be some kind of tense, and you can be ethical and still be some tense. You can be patient and tense. But still, all these practices bring benefit, but they're not necessarily yet supporting, but they haven't yet realized this relaxation and flexibility and pliancy. In playfulness, we really sort of, we kind of, we're ready to let go. But if you're tense, you're not ready to let go. So if you're playing and somebody starts, you know, like, well, again, in Judah, if somebody throws you and you're not relaxed, then you can get hurt. That's why you should be relaxed and comfortable because then when you're thrown, you won't get hurt. Like drunk people falling out of a car sometimes don't get hurt. But a person who's sober tenses up. So, yeah, I think we need to work more on relaxing with this anxiety you feel relative to the welfare of your loved one. Then when that relaxation, then some playfulness.

[55:28]

Because again, when you're relaxed and you start playing, if the other person's not up to play, you're okay with that. But if you're tense and you... Actually, if you're tense and you start to interact with the person, you can't tell if they're tense. But if you're relaxed and you touch somebody who's tense, you can feel the tension right away. It's like, oh, sorry. And if you're relaxed and the person's relaxed, you can feel, oh, they're giving, they're moving with me. Sometimes when we do long sittings at Zen Center, at the beginning of the sittings, I sometimes check people's posture. I touch their back. And I can feel sometimes they're really tense. As the days go on, I can feel them getting softer and softer. And if they're tense and I make an adjustment, they can't move with it. So I don't push. I'm sensitive to that. And I accept that they're not ready to move. So yeah, if you're flexible you can start playing and be creative with your friend and in that playfulness some creative thing can happen and they can learn something about their condition which may help them get a new perspective on the situation and be healing.

[56:47]

in that playfulness, some surprising thing might happen where they get a whole new perspective and feel released from some of the problems that are contributing to their addiction. And that explains why I haven't been able to verbally express to that person what I feel about the situation. Yeah, I think I get the feeling like you were sensitive to your inflexibility and that for you to talk in a stiff way probably wouldn't be helpful. So I think it's kind of wise of you to realize you're not quite ready until you're more relaxed. Maybe you could find a friend who's more relaxed to go talk to him for you. Maybe somebody who... Yeah, maybe somebody else who cares for him is more relaxed than you.

[57:49]

Maybe they could help him before you can. And that's part of the flexibility is to know, oh, I'd like to help him, but this person here is more relaxed. I'm going to ask this person to go help him because they'll be more successful. I'm not attached to me being the one who helps him. Is it almost five o'clock? What? Is it almost five o'clock? Okay. Well, is there anything else you'd like to bring up before dinner? Yes? Yes? Thank you so much.

[58:54]

I was listening to President Ram's, what he said, I was going to bring up about caring too much and too little, and also another related topic is assuming too much or too little responsibility. I'd like to talk about those things in relationship to this. After dinner. After dinner, and a little about how the stories that we... Yeah, I'd be happy to talk about that. Please remind me about that. And if there's any other things you'd like to add to the list of things to be compassionate towards, please let me know. Because even though we said all, there's some things which you maybe don't believe could be on the list. So tell me about those. If there's anything you think, well, that should not get compassion, let's see if there's anything we won't put on that list.

[59:55]

Yes? Gail had a question about the practice of following one's breath. If there were any of these concentration practices, maybe you could mention something else. Okay. And also Gail had a question about this robe, which I could address briefly. These are traditional Buddhist robes. Before the Buddha was a Buddha, the Buddha actually practiced naked. When he was a yogi ascetic, before he awoke, he didn't wear any clothes, which was traditional for certain yogis in India at that time. But then he actually started to feel like his practice was not balanced. It was too extreme. So he thought, I think I should wear some clothes. So he started wearing clothes. And he also started eating a little bit. He was eating almost nothing, practically dead. So he thought, maybe I should eat a little bit and wear some clothes.

[60:59]

And maybe even wash occasionally. So then he became the Buddha. And his disciples followed him and wore clothes. And ate a little. And also... washed a little bit they weren't excessively washing all you know and then they didn't wear real spiffy clothes and they didn't eat a lot but they they they weren't extremely in the other direction either and then a king came to the buddha and said you know i'd like to pay respect to your disciples because you're my teacher but i can't tell your disciples from the other religious people so would you make a uniform for your for your people and the buddha said okay And he considered what a reasonable type of clothes would be. And he was walking with his attendant and he looked at the rice paddies and the way they're laid out. And he said, wouldn't the pattern of a rice paddies be a good way to design our robe?

[62:00]

So the robe is actually like rice paddies. It's made of little rectangular and square pieces put together like on a rice paddy. Can you see? It's made of patches of cloth that are rectangles sewn together. So it's called a patch robe. And so this has been the traditional Buddhist robe. This is a small version of it, also another version which wraps around. And that's been the style of Buddhist clothing for almost 2,500 years. So when people receive the Buddhist precepts, they're often given this robe to go to wear after they receive the precepts. Okay? Pardon? The colors. Originally, the color was... The pieces were made of just scraps that were found, so they were different colors.

[63:06]

So then a color was chosen to dye them all so they'd be kind of like blend in. So some would be red, some would be white, some would be brown, some would be blue, yellow, green. And so if you mix all those colors, you get kind of like a brown mix. So the original color was kind of a brown. And like in Burma today, they still wore kind of a brown robe. In Vietnam, they wore kind of a brown robe. In Thailand, they wore more kind of an orange or ochre robe. So the traditional color is kind of a brown color. However in China, because of Confucian influences, the robe became more black. And so in the training, when people are training, They wear more of a dark color, a black or a dark blue. And when their training is complete, they sometimes get some more color in their robe, like my robes.

[64:07]

After I finished my basic training, I was allowed and encouraged to wear other colors. So you may notice I have this color and I had a gray one. We usually don't wear really bright colors like pink, We don't wear white. We don't wear bright yellow. We don't wear... There's some sense of muted colors still. Okay? Would you like to have some dinner now then? So can we resume about 7 o'clock, please?

[64:50]

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