Part of the work of entering into creativity is to stand in the tension between you could say opposites or anyway also apparently contradictory or complementary aspects of life. For example, stand in the tension between self and other. Stand in the tension between conventionalities and realities. Stand in the tension between good and evil. Between life and death. Lots of different dimensions of our life have some kind of like dynamic and somewhat stressful or tense relationship and when we enter yeah, when we enter into the middle of them at the middle in some sense it's it's most tense in a way so there's there's conventional things like people

[01:27]

and all their experiences and mountains and rivers and animals and plants, all these conventional things which seem to have boundaries and substance. And by lovingly embracing these conventional things, which is quite challenging, and requires for example lovingly engaging anxiety is quite challenging but if we fully embrace it again that opens on to the revelation of the reality of the anxiety which is that the anxiety actually When you fully embrace it, you cannot find it. It's not that it doesn't exist or does exist.

[02:33]

The reality of it is that it's somewhere in the middle of existing and not existing. So again, by embracing a phenomenal, conventional thing... No, I shouldn't say phenomenal because reality is a phenomena too, but... by embracing apparently substantial conventional phenomena like anxiety or color, by that engagement we open on to engagement with ultimate reality, which is the insubstantiality of the conventional phenomena. And then the next step is we actually try to be stand in the tension between the conventional and the ultimate. Usually we're involved with the conventional and usually we're attached to it because conventional things look attachable and we can't resist.

[03:38]

And then we grasp them, we attach to them, and then we suffer. If we embrace the things and the suffering, we're ready to face their emptiness, their vastness, their voidness. Then, in opening to that voidness, we stand in the tension between the voidness of things, the insubstantiality and the substantiality. So again, embracing conventional things opens on to a relationship with their ultimate nature. Meeting their ultimate nature, we then continue now to relate to it and the conventional and we can't usually relate to either one of them without denying the other but we can stand in the middle for a while and there's a tension there and an intensity and in order to live there we have to continue to practice compassion and learn to relax with the tension between

[04:53]

these opposites or these things that live together that are different, like ultimate and conventional, good and evil. We have to practice good in order to enter the tension between good and evil. When we first practice good, we kind of emphasize the good and let go of the evil. For example, we practice kindness and honesty and generosity and patience, which are generally associated with good. By practicing the good, we open to the space of the insubstantiality of good. In that space, we enter the place where good and evil are actually living in some kind of interdependence. but to enter the space of the interdependence of good and evil we enter that by good if we don't practice good we stay out in the realm well we stay out in the realm of evil if we don't practice good if we practice good we get to see that good cannot be found and then and then when we accept that good cannot be found then we get to do the dance between good and evil

[06:22]

and that's where the creativity and freedom from good and evil comes. So good is good and evil is evil and generally speaking a lot of people would like to be free of evil but we also need to be free of good. We can be... we can attach to good if we don't understand what it is. So the practice of relaxation with the good the practice of relaxation with compassion, we enter into the voidness of compassion and the voidness of good. And then again we open to how the good, the insubstantial good, is in relationship to the insubstantial evil. And we live in that dynamic situation and then we relax there again. And we continue to try to be relaxed in this dynamic place. And then we live our life there. And our life then is the life of creativity and freedom. In ordinary conventional life there's tension.

[07:30]

But it's the tension associated with grasping usually. It's not the tension of how our ordinary life is in a... Well, maybe it's actually a reflection. Maybe the tension of our ordinary life is kind of a reflection. Even though the tension of our ordinary life is coming from grasping, it's kind of a reflection of the tension between ordinary phenomena and ultimate phenomena. Or it's maybe a reflection of the tension between reality and conventionality. maybe but anyway it is somewhat different the tension that you have because of grasping and misconception and the tension between the nature of reality is that it has these two truths conventional truth and ultimate truth and there's a tension between these two truths there really is a tension between these two truths and the tension also is insubstantial

[08:37]

And if we relax with that tension, we realize the tension is insubstantial too. And then creativity is unleashed. Did that make sense, that picture? Okay, so do you know now how to enter the realm of creativity? Do you know how to enter the realm of transformation, of afflictions and addictions? Yes? You asked the question, do you know how to practice entering? Could you speak up, please? The question is... I asked, do you know how... to enter into the realm of creativity?

[09:40]

Do you know how to enter into the realm of transformation? I wanted to just check something out about this entering. Okay. Okay. So I think what came up was when you talked about gratitude and thanking, saying thank you this morning. Yes. Yes. So I realized that for me it becomes really one-sided because I can say thank you in a way that is directing my thank you towards something I think is substantial. And I didn't feel that that was necessarily entering with another being into thank you.

[10:42]

If you say thank you to something that you honestly feel is substantial, that thank you is the first step towards opening to the insubstantiality of the thing that you think is substantial. So I can keep saying thank you. And I do that, I find myself doing that frequently. So I feel very familiar with a practice called thank you. I also could add very much to thank you very much. Thank you very much. But I realized in terms of this entering with another person that I need to also have the presence of an idea called construction and insubstantiality at the same time. That who it is that I am directing my gratitude towards is

[11:45]

Not who I think it is. So I might be able to say thank you. And at the same time, I realize that I don't know who it is that I am saying thank you to. Right. Sometimes people come and say thank you to me, but they say thank you and they say, I don't know who I'm thanking, but I'm saying thank you in this room and you're in the room. There's a thank you, but the you is not necessarily the person you're looking at. The person you're looking at is kind of a representative of what you're thinking. So thank you. An ambassador from what you're thinking, from the land you're thankful to. Yes. Yes. So this entering seems to be sort of a meeting of wisdom and compassion, of the compassion of thank you and the wisdom of I don't know who I'm thanking.

[12:59]

Yeah. Right. Is this a place of entering? Is this entering? Is this an articulation of entering? Well, in some sense, when you say thank you, and then you somehow, if you would actually kind of realize that what you're looking at is not what you're looking at, then you've entered. But when we first say thank you, we may not realize entry. We may still see this surface, which we think is substantial. And we think that this surface is just this surface. We don't yet understand that this surface is not a surface. Thank you.

[14:05]

You're welcome. Joe. Things got kind of playful last night in the night, and I wanted to share about that a bit. I woke up feeling very present, one something in the morning, and I found myself thinking about the teaching of the day and of one of my favorite... Can you hear him okay? Good. Closer? Louder? Farther away and louder.

[15:08]

Okay. I think I'm gauging my voice for this proximity. Yeah. Yeah. So I'll speak out. I found myself thinking about a poem that's been a strong guidance for me, something that I've been aspiring to live to for years. It's Rumi's The Guest House. And I got curious about, here's this aspiration to have an open front door to the guest house. And, but what's really true? Like, what's the state of my front door? And it was raining really hard in my sweet little cabin guest house in the woods. And I got this image of a very earnest bouncer at the front door saying, standing in a raincoat with a little clipboard with lists and dress code of who could enter.

[16:09]

And I found myself feeling compassionate towards... towards that part of me, towards the bouncer. And I decided I could begin by inviting him into the guest house and to have some tea and to hear about his earnest good work and And then I got curious, so who have you turned away this weekend? And the list was considerable. And this sort of imagery continued, this picture of this crowd out in the rain, some of them in a little dog house seeking shelter. I'm so warm and cozy in here, and Others huddled under umbrellas or trees in the rain.

[17:09]

And this overwhelming feeling, oh, come in. And I had this conversation with my bouncer. The conversation was something like, how do you feel about being guest services manager instead? How about if you interview the guests as they arrive and ask them what they most want and what would make them most welcome? And so we began to process the guests last night. It was... Pardon me, I'd love to share some detail, but maybe it's enough to say there was a wonderful parade and they were all very particular guests. Anxiety actually was a swarm of mosquitoes. I realized that big fears, monsters I've entertained.

[18:10]

So when I asked them what they wanted... They were tired of being a swarm. They wanted to come one at a time and land in my ear and not be swatted and tell me it particularly. You know, like, you've spoken too much at this workshop. People are tired of hearing from you. People won't take you seriously since you jumped on poor Pedram's back. You must not take this work seriously. And so on. And vanity and pride and narcissism out there in the rain come in, you know. karaoke night. So it's just been a sweet, playful, healing, welcoming and entertaining of them all.

[19:16]

And if it's okay, I printed the poem Rooney's Guesthouse. Yes. May I read that? Yes. Maybe you could turn and face the group. That's very sweet sitting here next to you, by the way. It's not just your grandson, is it? So this is Rumi, a guest house. Oh, and he speaks about every morning, but I think in the spirit of this teaching, it's every moment. This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival, a joy, a depression, a meanness. Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

[20:23]

Welcome and entertain them all. Even if they are a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of all its furniture, still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. the dark thought, the shame, the malice. Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. Thank you. I ask again, do you have a sense of how to enter the realm of reality where you can play and create?

[21:43]

Pardon? Pardon? I think if you take away the and, that's pretty much the way we are. We are the mirror with a face in it. It's one thing. It occurred to me this morning that this outline or this realm that you're exploring with us this weekend is the bodhisattva way, where bodhisattva in training might use some of these practices.

[23:15]

And there's something about the way you described it in this weekend that gave me a little ease in the midst of my anxiety, which is that grief, pain, joy, swirl, and personality that that seems to make, that is Susan, Leslie, that these practices don't get rid of that. In fact, there's this, I'm not sure if I can describe the sense I had, but maybe it's just a little bit of a larger sense that there's a little more room for the practices to interact and that there's this interplay in what I might call my problems and these practices.

[24:25]

Are you saying that what you might call your problems are objects of compassion? Yes. Yes. That you can play with? There seems to be a little more room for playfulness, yeah. And... And relaxation with these things that might be called problems? A sense of relaxation, yes. And I've been thinking a lot about... the fight, flight, and freeze aspect of a mammal or a creature existence. And lately just really feeling the interplay of that if I feel an anxiety come, you know, I'm exaggerating slightly what my body might do, but here I could even feel with a thought that might come through my mind like, time to sit on the cushion, and then I would just have a little tensing, a little anxiety about what might happen in the half hour before Anna would ring the bell.

[25:37]

But you're talking about this compassion with that. Like Joe just said, all of a sudden there seemed to be a little more spaciousness. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And then I had a desire to tell a story about a vacation. A vacation? A small vacation, yes. May I tell this story? Would you turn and face the group when you tell it, please? I would love that. This is what you see when you look out? I think it was in the first talk when you mentioned the idea of vacation and what happens.

[26:47]

I remembered this desire I had. I've lived with my husband, John, since 1988, and I heard of this thing called romantic getaway. Thought would be really a great thing to have or to do and so I asked John about the romantic getaway idea and he Was not interested in either He might have been interested in getaway, but I think romance was not So this went on for about 20 some odd years and finally our friends gave us a gift certificate for hotel stay and in Vancouver, British Columbia. And we set it on the table for about six months and looked at it. And then I said, well, because I had this really hard little heart, and I wanted the romantic getaway very, very much.

[27:50]

And I saw other people going to Hawaii or Paris, and I thought, why can't I have this romantic getaway? With him. Which didn't really help. Now I realize I was possibly creating a little more anxiety than could be handled. So we set the date for the getaway. And that wasn't a particularly easy process. And then in the week before the getaway, I said, you know... Monday is the day for our getaway. And so this is what, 23 years into the process. And he said, no. I said, yeah. And it got a little more stressful every day. And the night before the getaway, he said, well, okay, we can go, but we'll be back on Tuesday. And I said, no, we're going two nights. And he said, yeah, two nights. We'll leave Monday and be back on Tuesday. And I said, well, Monday and Monday is one night. And then it got pretty stressful that night before the get

[28:54]

get away. And I want you to know that I understood that you can't, there's no way to get to. And I wanted to meet him. I think that's what I really wanted. So we were driving and it was raining and, uh, his knuckles were very white on the, he was driving and, uh, we weren't talking and we were about an hour into it. And I thought, boy, this is really stressful. And then I had a funny idea. So I thought, well, what if I was the demon wife? He really thinks I am. And I said, uh, honey, you know, I really like to listen to NPR. And he said, yeah. I said, they had a program on a schedule for couples who were trying to reconnect after a long time. And I printed the schedule out, and it's just for a three-day getaway. And his knuckles got wider and his face got more tense, and I thought, oh, my God, he's going to drive us off the road.

[30:00]

So then I told him, just kidding. There's no schedule. And he laughed. And we had a fine time. But I think, had I known the teaching about anxiety, I might have handled it a little differently. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you for letting me tell that story. I think that's enough.

[31:06]

You do? Good. Someone gave me this napkin and it says bird wings. Your grief. Could you hear it? You thought it was him? Maybe not. Bird wings. Your grief for what you've lost lifts a mirror up to where you're bravely working.

[32:13]

Expecting the worst, you look And instead, here's the joyful face you've been wanting to see. Your hand opens and closes and opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding.

[33:35]

The two are balanced and coordinated as birds' wings. Hearts open and close. In this opening and closing, they pump blood. Lotus blossoms open and close. And they open, and then at night they close.

[34:37]

And before they close at night, some insects go inside and stay in the lotus blossom at night for warmth. So they close and hold the heat in for their guests. And then they open in the morning to let the guests out. They close to protect the heat and their sensitive tissues from the cold and their guests. In the morning, they release their guests and expose their sensitive tissues to the world. So our sensitive tissues are not always exposed to the elements. There's time to rest. But we rest in order to open later. Rest in order to give later. Rest in order to heroically engage later.

[35:42]

Rest is part of heroic effort. But it's good to remember that you're resting heroically. So that when you're done with your rest, you remember what you're resting for. And you say, oh yeah, now it's time to play again. But sometimes... When we're playing, we get fatigued and it's really a good idea to stop playing at that point. Sometimes when we're doing our art, we're enjoying it, but really we should stop because pretty soon we're going to make some mistakes. We've actually been doing this long enough and we could keep going, but it's really time to stop for the sake of the art. That's why we need to keep in touch with whether we're relaxed. So we're relaxed when we're creating and then at a certain point we start tensing up and then the play is lost and then it's time to accept that and close down shop and rest and then start over.

[36:52]

Walking meditation? I hear a sound and I think it's the sound of rain. A compassionate mind plays with the objects it loves. Creative eyes play with the objects it loves. Creative ears play with the objects

[38:07]

they love creative nose plays with the objects it loves creative tongue plays with the objects it loves Creative skin plays with the objects it loves. Is there a mind now that loves its objects?

[39:15]

I'm not asking if there's a mind that likes its objects or dislikes its objects. Like and dislike are also objects of mind. But is there compassion towards likes and dislikes? Is there compassion towards the sounds and sights Now. The creative mind is relaxed.

[40:40]

Its love of its objects is relaxed and ready to play. I heard a request to speak about breathing or breath. Now I think breath could be an object that we love, an object of awareness that we take care of. It could be something that we play with and are creative with.

[41:51]

Caring for breath could bring benefit and understanding and freedom. just like caring for anything else. In order to take care of the breath, it seems auspicious. In order to take care of the breath, it seems auspicious. Auspicious means conducive to success. So in caring for breath, it's conducive to success in caring for breath to pay attention to it. Just like if you're taking care of a child, it's conducive to successful care to pay attention to the child.

[43:03]

Good caregiving of children, good caregiving of adults, good caregiving of breath. I think, to me, they seem that they would follow the same way of practice. If you're sitting upright on the earth, your breath is available for caregiving. Children, however, might run out of the room and you'd have to get up maybe and follow them to take care of them. but you don't have to go anyplace or move to take care of your breath. Sometimes when you're taking care of children, it's difficult to also give attention to your breathing. But now that we're sitting here, it might be an opportunity to give some loving attention to our breathing, to take care of it.

[44:11]

Sometimes Zen students, like me, think they should force themselves to focus on their breathing. And when they do it that way, like if they would force themselves to take care of a child, it becomes stressful and you actually will give up eventually. But I'm talking now about a loving way to take care of the children, a loving way to take care of the breath. So again, give your attention generously, which means that you give generously your attention, but also your attention is generous towards what you're looking at. In other words, you accept the breath that you have. If it's deep, you welcome deep breathing. If it's shallow, you welcome shallow breathing.

[45:19]

If it's rough, you welcome rough breathing. If it's short or long or smooth or subtle or gross, whatever it is, you lovingly attend to it. And you're careful of your breathing. you're not possessive of it you don't get angry at it or you try not to get angry at it you don't slander it you don't think you're better than it you don't take breath that's not given and so on, you're careful of your breath and you're patient with your breath patient with your breathing and then you calm down with your breathing, you relax with your breathing You're not trying to get control of the caregiver or the breath which is the receiver of the care.

[46:21]

You're not trying to control. Not at this practice. Some people actually teach control of the breath. I'm not teaching control of the breath. I'm teaching loving focus on the breath with flexibility. In this way we can start playing with the breath. We're with the breath and we can start playing with it and be creative with our breathing. And let our breathing be creative with us. And in this way caring for the conventional appearance of breathing we can enter into the vast, spacious, ungraspable breath and realize creativity and freedom with our breathing.

[47:32]

And again, the same practice can be done with the posture when you're sitting and of course with all thoughts and anxieties. The basic situation that I'm offering is that you are welcome to be yourself right now and you are welcome to express yourself right now. For me, I welcome whatever way you choose to express yourself or whatever way is given to you to express yourself.

[48:51]

You can express yourself by sitting still by breathing by adjusting your posture by speaking by standing by walking Any way you want to express yourself is welcome. By me, or here, I'm not speaking for other people. I welcome your gifts. I see you right now as giving gifts. Thank you very much. Do you see yourself as giving gifts right now?

[49:57]

Which is the same question as, is there a mind of compassion here now? Here comes a gift, a walking gift, a sitting gift, a woman gift. A talking gift. A talking gift, a gift of talking. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Thank you. So sometimes my body says everything's fine. Sometimes my body says everything's fine. Yeah. And my mind says it's not. And my mind says no way. Yeah. And sometimes my mind says it's okay.

[51:02]

And my body says no, it's not. And sometimes my body goes, and my mind says, welcome. Well, see, that's the thing. See, that's the thing. Yeah. That is the thing. That's the thing. That's the thing. Yeah. That's the thing. Welcome. That's the thing. Yeah, because... Welcome cancer. If I don't, huh? Yeah, no. Welcome cancer. Yeah. Welcome anxiety. Welcome anxiety. Yeah. Welcome stress. Welcome. Welcome stress. Welcome enemy. Welcome hatred. Welcome lost keys. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome lots of trouble. Yeah. Welcome bummer. Well, as this last key thing has been developing. How bad does it get before I say thank you?

[52:05]

Yeah. This is bad enough, don't you think? I think it's plenty. Yeah, I do too. You're like ready to say thank you. I'm ready to be done with it. That's the thing. That's not really thank you, is it? It doesn't sound like it. No. You could say I'm ready to be done with it after you say thank you. And then say thank you again for ready to be done with it. Or, I'm ready to be done with it. Thank you very much. Easy for me to say. I was just going to say that. Yeah, I know you were. That was easy. But still, I said it, even though it was easy. I don't just say the things that are hard. So how are you doing with the key situation? The key situation, yeah. Are you saying thank you very much yet?

[53:08]

Well, for parts of it. Good. For parts of it. There are people in this room who have been absolutely wonderful, kind, supportive. I really appreciate that. And just as a report... As a report, yeah. The car is now unlocked, but the keys are still nowhere to be found. Okay. So there's a plan, and there's a car dealer that says they can make keys in the morning. So that's kind of where that's at. And that's not bad. That's not bad. There have been moments. But is it bad enough to just say thank you? Yeah, see, I'm really kind of stuck there because thank you that it's not that bad. Thank you that it's not that bad. It's not so much it, actually. It's bad enough so that you say thank you. It's not thank you for it.

[54:12]

In other words, it's gotten bad enough so you realize you should be into the thank you mode. And you don't have to have the car totally smashed before you say thank you. You could start now. Yeah. Or you could wait later. It will get bad enough eventually that you'll start saying thank you. It's true. That's true. We're all going to say thank you eventually. But it may have to get really crushingly difficult before we do. I think sometimes the trivial things are harder. Yeah, right, exactly. I don't have to say thank you for this. But for that, yeah, when it gets to be that bad, I will say thank you. Definitely. Yeah, the trivial things are more difficult in a way. I was talking with Paul and several people about, you know, what's the message in this?

[55:18]

What's the message in this? And I have a, there's some kind of thing about keys and wanting to be, yeah, where's the, if I could just unlock the mystery, you know, as well as the car. Yeah, that's right. So how do you unlock the mystery? Have you heard of how to, do you know how to unlock the mystery? That's what I asked earlier. What did I ask? Are you going to tell me? I said, is there a mind of compassion? The mind of compassion unlocks the mysteries. The mind of compassion and concentration, which is not and, the compassionate mind is relaxed and concentrated on what's going on, and that unlocks the mysteries. Then you enter into the mystery of the lost keys. Really? Yeah. That's a novel I wrote recently. You too? Me too, yeah.

[56:20]

It's a short novel. I've just said the title so far. Does it turn out well? It turns out, well, I think it turns out well. At the end of the novel, everybody becomes Buddha. Let's do that again. At the end of the novel, everybody becomes Buddha. Probably. Well, somebody might have taken them to Gilroy. What? We don't think so over there. No. And we welcome you not thinking so. I don't know where those keys are. But I love them. What? Buddhahood is at Mount Madonna today. And everybody will realize that eventually.

[57:23]

But we've got this novel to go through until everybody realizes it. Everybody says, oh, Buddha was already at Mount Madonna. It took us all this time to realize it. So you might be taking a walk again, perhaps? I don't know. You don't know if you are? You might, though. I've sort of gone through everything once. Yeah. And I could go through it again. Well, if you thought it would be an act of compassion, I would encourage you. Because you're going to stay overnight, right? Probably? I may go down the hill. You may go down the hill and come back? With a key. Oh, with a key. Oh, I see. Or they can make a key without having the car? Yeah, they can make a key from the vehicle identification. Wow. Yeah. Yes, but he's closed till tomorrow morning. So you may be hanging out in Gilroy after all?

[58:26]

No, I think I'll be hanging out on this side of the hill. Oh, I see. Okay. Fred's sort of rescuing me, so... And, I mean, what I love and what I'm thankful for are people in this mess with me. It's just, yeah. It's to be in this mess together. Yeah. Yeah, right. That's sweet. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. Leon. that I might suggest to you that Nancy has a good conviction. Oh, oh, God. I bought the book, Victor, in my hall to prepare it.

[59:27]

A double gift. They have the keys. Would anyone like some cushions? You're fine with that, Leon? You're both okay? All right. How close should I sit? Okay. Okay, well, it's a very simple question. Recently... Sorry. Recently, I... Can you hear her? ...had occasion to... Is that better? ...laugh out loud, which was a wonderful experience... tension relieving. And I was wondering, is it possible that that could be an outlet?

[60:46]

You're dumping so much tension and so much anxiety instantly. Could that be a niche into your void? An instant peek into... Yes, yes. That was the answer I was hoping for. Because it's very pleasurable to laugh, especially when you are laughing uncontrollably. Yeah, you can laugh your way into reality. On the same, along the same lines, joy... You mentioned that you give it away. Well, if you're practicing compassion towards the joy, you would give it away. But I'm looking at all of these things, fear, guilt, shame, joy, pleasure,

[62:00]

in a similar light, and I want to let go of them all. But I don't want to share my shame, my guilt, my fear. You don't want to share your pain with people? No. Well, if you don't want to share your pain with people, that would be another thing, that not wanting would be another thing to let go of. And share. You just shared it with me. You just shared with me that you didn't want to share these things with people. And I appreciate that you shared that with me. And I welcome that you don't want to share your pain with people. But I want you to share your pain with me. I don't think too many people want to share their pain with them. A lot of people don't. And if they don't want to, you should be careful of that. So my feeling is I aspire to share my pain with everybody, not to be possessive of it, not to hide it, not to be possessive of it.

[63:08]

In other words, be generous with my pain. Generally, I find that when I'm feeling generous towards my pain and with my pain, there's some people who actually do want to know however i'm careful so first of all the feeling is i'm willing to i'm happy to share my pain i'm happy to share my pain not to possess it but to offer to the world certainly to offer to offer to the buddhism bodhisattvas they want me to give it to them and they'll take care of it with me but i wouldn't necessarily offer it in certain forms to children but I would offer my generosity towards my suffering to children I wouldn't necessarily tell them about it because following generosity is being careful and being sensitive to whether the person wants to hear about this but my basic feeling is I do want to share my suffering with the whole world and I want the whole world to share their suffering with me and sometimes people come to share their suffering with me

[64:16]

but they get distracted in the process of sharing the suffering with me and they don't share their suffering with me they start hiding it they come to share it and then they start hiding it and actually I don't particularly want them to do that So in the process of trying to tell me their suffering, they get distracted from what they came for and I sometimes have to figure out a way to help them come back and do what they came to do, which is to share their suffering so we can work together on being kind to it and they can learn to be kind to it and relax with it and play with it and laugh and enter into the vastness of it. So I do, I welcome you and all beings to bring their suffering to me. And I know that when they start to bring it to me, they sometimes start telling stories which are distracting themselves from their job. And then I try to be kind to that so they can come back and do their job of sharing their suffering so we can work on it together.

[65:19]

The laughter is only with two, with a joint to, you know, Of union, of a group of people. I mean, you mentioned also that... You can't... So when you're alone and you laugh, you're really laughing with everybody. Maybe. Yeah, I think so. Maybe. Laughter opens to the realm that you're not really separate from all the people. Right. So when you laugh, you're starting to get the joke that you're separate. Right. Nancy said something to me that I think she didn't say this part, that I thought was especially insightful. Because when you were talking about the abyss and how to get there, and I think that Nancy said that she thought that laughter was a window with which we could escape or move into the abyss.

[66:25]

I thought that was, I find that a very... interesting and compelling thought and now that i started this way of saying the abyss i want to say that i don't think it's actually so good to say the abyss because it's not it's the you know the insubstantiality it's more like insubstantiality it's not the insubstantiality it's not the emptiness, it's not the void, but it sounds nice to say the void or the abyss, but really it's emptiness, it's the abysmal, it's the insubstantial, it's insubstantiality. So it's difficult to say the. Even though it is kind of a noun. And it's good to remember that it's a noun.

[67:27]

So it's not really a noun. We use a noun to direct our effort towards realizing it. I think that somehow, just before the laughter, there's some relaxation. Or right with the laughter, there's relaxation. And I think part of what is good about laughter is I think when we laugh and are relaxed, we get a little sniff or a little taste or a little touch or a little hearing or seeing or thinking of reality, which is very encouraging. And, you know, Zen is often given the great compliment of having a lot of humor involved with it, a lot of laughter. Laughter that comes when you get the joke of life.

[68:32]

Life appears in a kind of tricky, deceptive way, you know, like life manifests as You look like you're separate from me, but I get the joke. You're not really. This is just a joke that you're separate. Or like that guy. It's just a joke that I'm being beaten to death. I get it. It's actually, this isn't being beaten to death. This is like the, this is my, finally I'm coming alive after all these years of being half alive. Finally I'm alive. I am being beaten to death at the same time, but really this is my life. Any questions? When Buddha sits, oh when she sits, when Buddha sits, oh when she sits, when Buddha sits, oh when she sits,

[69:48]

She washed my fear away. Oh, happy day. Oh, happy day. When Buddha sits, oh, when she sits. When Buddha laughs, oh, when she laughs. When Buddha sits, oh, when she sits. She washed my fear away. Oh, happy day. Is Buddha sitting now? Is your name Allison? You actually want to stand here? And you are doing what you actually want to do.

[70:50]

Thank you. You're welcome. I want to stand here because one of the things that I realized in sitting in the back row is primarily what i've seen of all of you is the backs of your heads and i'd like your permission to look at your faces and i don't know quite i have come to realize it's important to ask people for permission to do that and i don't quite know how to uh get that in a group, but you're right. This is an amazing place to stand. Thank you for pointing that out earlier. So I guess if you don't want me to look in your face, then you don't have to look in mine. Does that work? I appreciate you saying that, and I'm sorry I didn't ask earlier. Because I've been looking in your faces.

[71:53]

But I didn't ask if I could. Please forgive me. Just don't look back. There you go. Because I want to see you. I really want to see you. Which direction would you like to face? Okay. I'm going to hold this for you? Or do you want to hold it? I think I'd like to hold it. Is that okay? Okay. I have been carrying this around with me all weekend. And... I read it to Reb, and I couldn't put it down still, so I'm going to read it now.

[72:59]

This is a quote a friend sent me, and I'm anxious because... Could you speak up a little bit? Sure. Is that okay? Yeah. Is that okay? Okay. Thank you. That helped me not cry. And my anxiety is that I'll cry, but Reb's used to it. My husband shoots too. So that's okay. But this is a quote from Teilhard de Chardin, and it is this. There is an almost sensual longing for communion with others who have a larger vision. the immense fulfillment of the friendships between those engaged in furthering the evolution of consciousness has a quality almost impossible to describe. And

[74:00]

That's very much my feeling of gratitude currently. And it certainly applies here too. So thank you very much. What were you thinking about when you got the Lotus Sutra out of your bag?

[75:08]

Oh, there's a story in here about grieving that I thought might be relevant. I would like to hear it. You'd like to hear it? Anybody else want to hear it? Anybody not want to hear it? Pardon? This is a story from a scripture of the great vehicle called the Lotus of the True Dharma, the lotus flower of the true Dharma. And it's in a chapter called The Lifespan of the Tathagata.

[76:13]

And Tathagata is one of the names for Buddha, which means the thus come one, the one who comes from truth. So the basic message of this chapter is that the Buddha is actually right here now with us But... The Buddha has actually... The Buddha does a kind of magical show of appearing and disappearing. So like the Buddha did the magical show of appearing in India a long time ago and then disappearing from India. And... But the message here is that the Buddha was there before he appeared in India and the Buddha has continued to be present ever since. The Buddha is always present. However, we can't see the Buddha unless we practice.

[77:17]

We can't meet the Buddha unless we're compassionate towards our experience. But if we practice compassion with what's happening, we actually will meet the Buddha. So this story is an example of the situation. And I think I'll just tell the story from memory rather than read it. So it's a story, I think it starts off by saying, yeah, it starts off by saying, oh, wrong chapter. No, it's the right chapter, it's the wrong one. Oh, there it is.

[78:27]

Yeah. So again, part of this is that the Buddha says, if I was always around, some people would never start to practice. Some people do. So the Buddha appeared in India and some people did start practicing. But not everybody did. So the Buddha left. So the people who didn't practice at that time which is like those people that were alive at that time and all of us since then or many of us since then would start to practice because the Buddha was absent. But really the Buddha is not absent. He's just... the leaving of the Buddha, the departure of the Buddha, is just to help us really want to meet the Buddha. So the example is, suppose there was a very skillful physician who, you know, really knew how to make excellent medicines.

[79:30]

And this physician had lots of children, like 10, 20, or 100 children. And these children somehow ate some poison and became very sick. So then the physician made them some very excellent medicine. And I'll read that part. This is repeated over and over. Yeah. These guys got really sick from these poisonous drugs. These poisonous drugs they took. And they were in agony and writhing on the ground. And then the physician made them some really good medicine. And this medicine was good and perfect in color, fragrance, and flavor.

[80:39]

And I often speak to people about how grief... is really good medicine but it's kind of bitter but it's really good medicine so the physician made this medicine and the physician gave it to his children and the ones they all were sick but some were not only sick but had really become totally crazy the ones who were sick but still had their mind was somewhat intact They took the medicine and were healed. But the ones who were totally crazy, even though he gave them this good medicine, even though they loved their father, they didn't take the medicine. So he said, I'm leaving town for a while. And then after he left town, he sent word back to his children that he had died. And

[81:44]

in their grief over his death they sobered up they came to their senses and they took the medicine and as soon as they took the medicine their father came back so The Buddha appeared and now the Buddha has disappeared and the Buddha is still present. And if we take the medicine, we will see the Buddha now. But if we're not ready to take the medicine, we may have to grieve quite a bit. And if we do our grieving deeply, we will open to the teachings. We will get the joke. We will take the medicine. and then we'll see the Buddha right here. The Buddha is saying, I'm always present.

[82:50]

Not just the Buddha, but innumerable Buddhas are with us all day long. And if we practice, we will meet them face to face. But if we don't practice, even though they're there, we won't see them. However, our grief over the things we do see sobers us up. and makes us ready to do the practices, which when we do them, when we perform them, we will see the Buddha. And we will actually see the Buddha, you know, everywhere, in everything, in everybody. But not in everybody out there, or everybody in here, But in the ungraspable relationship between all beings, we'll see the Buddha. That's the story. Summary form. Yes?

[83:54]

You request a song? Do I remember singing about what? You mean the one about... There is a balm. I do remember that one, yeah. You request that one? I don't remember it. The original is... There is a balm in Gilead that heals the... Yeah, that heals the what? that heals the sin-sick soul. But I changed the song. But I forgot what I changed it to. I changed it to a more Buddhist way of talking. So... There is a balm in Buddha land that heals the grief-sick soul.

[85:00]

There is a balm in Zazenville Which heals the suffering soul. That's what I knew. But there was another one. I worked on it and I had more interesting lyrics, which I forgot. But did you enjoy it when I did it last time? You enjoying it now? Yeah. There is a moment in the air. There is a moment in the air. The Christian Church sponsors some really good music.

[86:22]

For a thousand years, some really good music was sponsored by the church. It's one of the great things about the church, the Catholic Church and also the Protestant Church. The Catholic Church and the Protestant Church. Bach wrote for the Protestant Church. And some other great people wrote for the Catholic Church, like Palestrina. More? More? What? What did you say? The resolution of what? Why don't you... I think Lenore knows the whole thing. Okay, maybe... So how do we do it, would you... There is a balm in Buddha land that heals the grief-sick soul.

[87:34]

There is a balm in Buddha land that... Does that do it? You're welcome. Thank you for asking for what you need. Yes. Ask for what you need, please. And if possible, ask for what you need without trying to get it. It's a great gift to ask for what you need, even though that may be just a great opportunity to be patient after you say it. I really want... I really need and want this... And I really, I didn't expect this, but what I got was the beautiful rain falling out the window. That wasn't what I was expecting, but that's what I got. So, that last poem, so somebody came up here, and I think his name was Joe, and he did a poem written by Rumi.

[88:52]

Was that Joe? That's what you think. And then I read a poem about bird wings, I think. And that was also by Rumi. So here's another poem by Rumi, which is apropos of what I just said. The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don't go back to sleep. You have to say what you really want. That's a big one. We have to say that. We have to find it and say it. Don't go back to sleep. The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.

[90:04]

Don't go back to sleep. You have to say what you really want. Don't go back to sleep. People are walking back and forth on the threshold where the two worlds meet. The door is round and open. Don't go back to sleep. The door is round and open. Don't go back to sleep. Thank you very much for coming here and giving yourself so wholeheartedly this weekend. I'm very encouraged. May our intention equally extend to every being and place with the true merit of Buddha's way.

[91:16]

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