someone said to me, I did that. And my granddaughter, who's now three, when she was about one and a half, she would often say, I did it. And then we would often say, you did it. And, you know, I let it go at that. But when this person, this adult said to me, I did that. I said, I thought and I said, that's your story. Your story is you did that. I'm not telling another story which is, you didn't do that.

[01:04]

But I hear you tell the story, I did that. The teaching of suchness which has been intimately entrusted to us is something to take care of. And one of the ways to take care of it is when we have the story, I did that, the job is to be intimate with that story. When I think, I did that, I am responsible for thinking and saying, I did that. But my main responsibility in terms of curing all ills, to join the relieving of suffering, is to be intimate with the story, I did that.

[02:18]

as someone who wishes to use every opportunity as a point for relieving suffering, then whatever story I think, I'm responsible to be intimate with that story. Intimate with that story, or if I can enter the intimacy of that story, which is already there, then that is the intimate entrustment of the teaching. And I actually have thought sometimes that I did a good thing, or that I did, like I actually have thought, oh, I gave a gift. I think, oh, I gave that gift. I have actually thought And sometimes I think, oh, I took something that was not given.

[03:28]

I actually have thought that. And I'm not saying that those two stories are true or false. I'm just saying I have had I have had stories like I was not kind to that person. But I'm not saying I actually did that thinking. I'm not saying that now. But maybe I thought I did. Maybe I thought I thought I did that. But I don't necessarily now tell you that I think I do my thinking. But it looks like I do. like I'm moving my hands. But I don't actually say that anymore. I just say it looks like I'm moving my hands. It looks like I'm talking to you. That's how it looks.

[04:31]

And I don't say that's true or false. I say being intimate with that appearance really and not being intimate with that appearance creates suffering. If I think, oh, I'm talking to you, and I'm not intimate with that, that's the problem. If I say I'm not and I'm not intimate with that story, that creates suffering. And then again, as we talked quite a bit this morning, when I tell the story, I'm moving my hands, I'm not moving my hands. And somebody might say, well, the second story was not true. And the first story was. That's your story. And if you're not intimate with that story, that the first one was true and the second one wasn't, or whichever, however, if you're not intimate with that story, be responsible for liberating beings on the occasion of your storytelling.

[05:49]

But if you think that's a true story or a false story, at that moment, if you're intimate with whatever you think, you're joining the work of the Buddhas. And that requires not turning away from your story. And also, if you're listening to other people's stories, not turning away from your story. and not touching your story, and not touching their stories. In this way, the teaching which cures all ills is intimately entrusted in both directions. I also mentioned that I was talking to one of our elders at Green College shortly after a grand mal seizure that he went through.

[06:57]

And he was talking to me and he said, what does it say, what's that book that one of your students wrote? And I said, he's from Chicago. I said, oh, yeah. is that, are you talking about cultivating an empty field? He said, yeah, that's it. What does it say in there? It says something like, in spite of innumerable insults and 10,000 difficulties, the upright cauldron is naturally beneficent. in spite of innumerable compliments and 10,000 blessings, the upright cauldron is naturally beneficent. The cauldron is what attracted me to Zen.

[08:02]

To see somebody who, when you insult her, the insult goes into the cauldron. And she cooks it intimately. If you compliment her, the compliment goes into the cauldron. And she holds it. She doesn't turn away from it. And from this intimacy with insults and compliments comes beneficence. If you wish to realize beneficence in the world of suffering, then here's a cauldron. which is your relationship with all beings, which includes them all, is intimate with them all, doesn't turn away from them, doesn't touch them, but embraces them all. And I invite Jane, a special invitation to Jane, to ask a question or have a conversation.

[09:10]

You're welcome, Jane. But I wanted to ask about the hesitate and move. Yeah. And one of the ways that I heard it, I wanted to hear it this way, or if it might be the way to understand it, is that these, that it's not necessarily that there is something other than hesitating and moving. It's not necessarily something other than that. That there are times when the move will throw you into the pit. Yeah, yeah, good point.

[10:19]

And to throw you into doubt and vacillation and confusion. Yeah, yeah, good point. The practice is to discern and there, you know, it's a... When you say see them together, what is them? The opportunity to move, the opportunity to hesitate. Okay. To see them intimate, see them closely, and have an understanding of the difference between the two and when moving is the right thing and hesitating is the right thing. So this is what I heard. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And also reminds me of, I think I heard someone say that they sometimes feel, I don't know if I got it right, the impulse to fix, or was it, or urge to fix.

[11:25]

Did somebody say something like that? Possibly. Possibly. So, when there is an urge to fix, you see some problem, and then you feel the urge to fix. I would encourage us to be intimate with the urge to fix. Someone may say, would you fix me? You hear that and your response might be, hmm? Yeah, I'll fix you, right? But actually, when the person says, please fix me, that's what's happening now. is you're hearing, please fix me. In other words, I'll just, I'll tell you about in other words in a minute.

[12:28]

Please fix me. I'm saying be intimate with listening to please fix me. Intimate with please fix me, it's possible that following from that there might be an impulse to fix. However, that's often also called countertransference. That this person is confusing you with their mother. And they think they're still a child. So they say, please fix me. I am immature enough And I need somebody else to fix me, rather than I need a relationship to realize being fixed. I need somebody else to fix me. And I think this person will fix me, so I say to this person, fix me, please.

[13:33]

The person who's listening, if they're not intimate with that please fix me if they're not intimate with it, they will miss that they have responded to the request. What is the response to the request? What is it? Intimacy. Intimacy is the response to the request. It's not, please fix me, or I want to fix you. It's, I'm with you asking me to fix you. They do not collude with the transference to you as their parent and them being a child, which they're not now. They're ready to be responsible that when they say, please fix me, they can be intimate with, please fix me.

[14:39]

But they cannot do it by themselves. And they will not do it by themselves because when they say, please fix me, there's a response to that request. The request is misput, sort of. It's really, please meet me and show me that I don't need you to do my job for me. And so when you hear, please fix me, you know, oh, they're actually asking me to be intimate with them. They're actually asking me to totally listen, not to fix. They don't understand that yet, so I'm going to show them by listening to them and kind of listen full speed. Now, it's possible that following that, you might feel the impulse to fix them. And it's possible. And then if that happened, which it might, you could be intimate with that problem. And you wouldn't be doing their job for them because it's not their job for them to be intimate with that impulse because it's yours.

[15:50]

However, they're asking you to be intimate with that. And the impulse is also asking us to be intimate with, I feel I want to fix them. But that feeling of I want to fix them might not arise, but it could. And again, as you say, it might just look like it. It might not really be that. It's just a story. I want to fix them. And it's just a story. So, in fact, whenever anybody makes a request, not later, at that very moment, we respond by listening to it. And the listening meets it, and in that meeting is the intimacy. They don't do it by themselves, they do it with us. And we do not do it by ourselves, we do it with them. In that relationship, there's a Zen master. And the problem is taken care of right then.

[16:51]

That turns into a pivotal opportunity. That turns into an intimate entrustment. Which might be followed by, hey, I had this strange thing I wanted to fix you. I don't know where that came from. But I want to be intimate with you. Now that it's come, because we're not going to say that can never happen. I just had this issue. Or I had this idea, I want to fix me. Or I had this idea, I need fixing, because I'm somewhat defective. I could think that. I can think I'm somewhat defective. I can think... I can think that. I can think, I'm a Buddha. But when I think I'm a Buddha or I'm a bad person, that's an opportunity to be intimate with that thought.

[17:58]

Calling out, please be intimate with me. Hey, how about try this on? I'm a bad person. Can you be intimate with that? Oh, yes. How about I'm a stupid person? Can you be intimate with that? Yeah. How about I'm a great person? And even arrogant. Can you be intimate with that? Yes. But intimate with that doesn't mean rejecting it. No, you're not really arrogant. No, you're not really great. Yes, you are great. Yes, you are. It's none of that. It's not touching. Right. So, there can be all kinds of stuff. You name it. I'm a good person, I'm a bad person, I'm a fixer, I'm a fixee, fix me, I'll fix you. All that stuff can arise. We're talking about saving all beings.

[19:02]

which means being intimate with all beings, which means being intimate with everything I think, and everything I hear you say, and everything you appear to me. And you're asking me to be intimate with you. I'm asking you to be intimate with me, and when I ask you, you respond. And if you're intimate with me, you know you respond, but not know like think you're intimate or think you're responding, you know by the intimacy. The intimacy is the Zen master. So, yeah, we might sometimes think, oh, I need to fix that person. It's possible. And we might sometimes think, hallelujah, I'm right.

[20:07]

That might occur. I know better than you, little girl. You're three and I'm a wise old man. I know better than you. That thought might occur. it's okay, granddaddy, I can run in the street when the cars are coming. I know better than that. I could think that. Or not. She could say, I'm going in the street, and I might not think, oh, I know better than you. I might say, I might think, if you're going in the street, I'm going to be intimate with you. because I want to live with you in a way that relieves suffering. Wherever you go, whatever you do, I'm not better than you, I'm with you.

[21:14]

And that's not easy sometimes, like if you want to go in the street. Rather than fixing you, rather than controlling you. Do I trust controlling or intimacy? And when things seem dangerous, we think, well, maybe later on the intimacy, now control, and then later we'll get intimate. After I save you from getting hurt in the street, then I'll get intimate with you. But that's not a good habit to get into because just before you start to be intimate, another thing comes along which you need to control. And so I spend all day long trying to control everything. Being successful or not, who knows? But missing the pivotal opportunity. Missing the place where you don't turn or touch away. which is that place of not abiding.

[22:19]

Nobody's in control of, and everybody is living it right now. It is our actual life. You already have it. So please take care of it. I would like to. How about you? So it is the teaching of suchness, but it's not just the teaching of it, it is the intimate entrustment of it. And you have this responsibility, which is the same as being responsible for every experience you have, and being responsible for being intimate with every experience you have. Yes? Patrick, one more time.

[23:22]

Jack Patrick. Jack Patrick. I just want to query the use of the word responsible here. When you say you're responsible, you're also talking about about being able to respond, rather than just be kind of an obligation of being responsible, but responding, in a sense, to your story, to be able to pivot at that moment from your story, is what I'm hearing. Well, if you wish... every story that appears in our mind, of every action that appears in our mind, we have contributed to that somewhat. So that's one meaning of responsible. I've contributed to this. We're not to put too much responsibility on us and doesn't realize that other factors are involved.

[24:25]

But the one I'm talking about is the respond, the ability to respond in a way that realizes this intimate entrustment. And we do respond. So we have to learn how to join that response, which is basically to learn how to not distract ourselves from it because it's happening. And the way we distract ourselves from the way we do respond to everything we think and everything we hear, the way we distract ourselves is by turning away or getting excited. So like, again, somebody asks for help and you just help them. And you miss it, so then you think you have to move. The student comes and says, please teach me Zen. And you think, well, when they said, please teach me Zen, this is Zen. This is what Zen's like. People say stuff like, please teach me Zen.

[25:29]

That's what Zen's like. When you listen to somebody who says, please teach me Zen, this is like learning Zen. And then if you miss it, then you think, well, let me see what... Because you missed the teaching already going on, then you move. And then your movement, then you go into a pit. Not only did you miss it, but then on top of missing it, now you do something. So then you really get in trouble. But if somebody says, please help me practice Zen, and you catch it, then you don't move. Or if you miss it, you say, I missed it. I just, that's like, I hesitated. So it's when you hesitate, you move. You hesitate, like, somebody just said something to me, and that was, we were practicing Zen just then. And I hesitated, so now I think I have to do something to practice Zen.

[26:32]

That's our responsibility in this context, is to learn to not miss that relationship where every moment we are asking for the teaching, and every moment we are being asked for the teaching. However, we cannot see that every moment. Because sometimes people, the way they ask us is they say, or they say, please fix me. It doesn't sound like they're asking for the teaching. But they are. And we don't realize that the reason why they asked us is because we asked them for the teaching. And so they said to us, please help me. Because of the teaching, they say, please help me. You ask the Buddha for the teaching, Buddha says, please help me. But we may not notice that we asked. Sometimes we do notice. We say, please help me, and the Buddha says, okay.

[27:36]

Or we say, please help me. He doesn't move, and we realize we've already been helped. Intimacy is where it's at, but one of the drawbacks of intimacy is nobody gets to have it. It just is the way we are. And if you try to have it, that's touching. Thank you so much for another day of intimate entrustment. I hope you're as encouraged to practice the teaching of suchness as I am.

[28:38]

Thank you for encouraging me. May our intention equally extend.

[28:50]

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