Maybe it would be convenient for you to pass those tent cards up here. How many people are not familiar with this document? Up here. So this document is attributed to the ancestor Ehe Dogen. So it says, Ehe Koso means the high priest Ehe. And it's his verses. It's in verse form. And it's actually written in the first person. But I changed it to we, just in case anybody here It's not ready to say, I. But he said, I, Vamo.

[01:01]

So I was kind of, you know, I didn't bring up the issue of faith yesterday during the Dharma talk. But today I'm bringing it up. This could be understood as a statement of intention or a vow of this ancestor. I vow from this life on throughout countless lives to hear the true Dharma, and so on. And this vow is rooted in a faith. a faith in the true Dharma, a faith in the power of the true Dharma, that when we hear it, we will renounce worldly affairs.

[02:16]

And then we can maintain the Buddha Dharma and maintain the Buddha Dharma that we together with all beings and the great earth attain the Buddha way. This is a statement of faith, I feel. It's a statement of faith and it's a vow to hear the true Dharma. And again, in renouncing it, it's a vow to excuse me, in hearing it, renounce worldly affairs and then be able to maintain it. So it's a vow to maintain it. And then it's about, although I make this vow, there are karmic hindrances. And for me, the word faith doesn't exactly mean that I believe in... more like I'd bet, or I offer myself to, I plunge into, right now, and somewhat on an experimental basis right now.

[03:37]

And even make a vow I do as an experiment to see what kind of a life that is. So I was considering asking, but I didn't, but today I will, to ask you, is it that you wish to give your life to? What is it that you wish to bet on in this life? That's sort of the beginning of the practice of the Buddha way. Some people come to Buddhist practice centers or Zen centers, but they have not actually yet identified what their concern in life is.

[04:41]

Ultimate, final concern. But I think it is usually we do start there, in the Buddha way. So I do ask you, what is your ultimate concern? And then, if that could be answered, then we talk about protecting that and maintaining that and stabilizing that. Without clarifying your faith, it will be, I'll put it positively, by stabilizing your faith, you will be able to discover

[05:57]

the mind of great wisdom and compassion. I didn't say faith in what, but if you stabilize your faith you will discover that you're bodhisattva. If you've heard that You're a bodhisattva. Some teachings say that. You are bodhisattvas. You will become Buddha. You are on the path of realizing and great wisdom. You're in this process. Even though you hear that, even if you agree with it, you may not actually have discovered it as your own truth. But if you settle into and stabilize, you will discover it.

[07:06]

So the way the verse goes that we've just read is, I vow to hear the true Dharma, and then if I hear the true Dharma, I will renounce worldly affairs. That makes sense to me. Once you hear the True Diamond, that will be a great resource for you, and you'll be able to give up worldly affairs. What are worldly affairs? They're things that distract you from your faith. They're activities. They're affairs. They're activities, karmic activities, that distract you from what's most alive and important for you. Once you hear the dharma, you won't be distracted anymore. However, before you hear the dharma, you sort of need to... You can't really hear the dharma unless you give up being distracted from what's going on with your faith.

[08:12]

So he said it again. When I hear it, I'll be able to renounce distractions from it. But he also said, then later, but there's karmic hindrances, namely, I have karmic hindrances means, due to my past activities, I am often involved. Due to my past activity, I am often distracted. Due to my past activity, due to my past worldly affairs, I often forget what my faith is, because I'm thinking of something else, and forget my faith when I'm thinking of something else. I haven't learned, because of my karmic background, I haven't learned how to remember my faith while I'm thinking of other things. So, I ask the Buddhas to be compassionate to me. I'm not screaming from karmic effects.

[09:22]

Not that they're going to do the freeing, but they're going to give us teachings. And the teachings they give, if we listen to them and practice them, will free us from karmic effects. Next, worldly affairs. What are worldly affairs? Distraction from what's most important. So, basically, what we move on to is that what we do is We reveal and disclose our worldly affairs. And by revealing and disclosing our distraction from what's most important, the root of distraction melts away by the power of admitting the distraction. Every morning we do the formal confession of our ancient karmic activity, born of greed, hate and delusion, expressed through body, speech and thought.

[10:36]

We confess that. That's an example of a practice that will help us become free of distraction from what is most important in this moment of life. And by the way, how does it go? You are just like Buddhas before there were Buddhas. And you will become Buddhas. you will start noticing your distraction from your faith. When your faith becomes stabilized, you'll notice, oh, I'm distracted. Oh, I'm not acting in accord with my faith.

[11:37]

This is not compassion. This is not compassion. I'm sorry. So I think maybe I probably will talk more about this practice of confession and repentance. But for now I also want to say that on Friday when I was walking through the parking lot and I ran into someone and she told me that the power was back on. Something like that, she said. And then I walked with her for a few steps and she said something like, are we going to be studying something?

[12:43]

Do you remember something like that? Did you say something like that? Are we going to be studying something? Do you remember what I said? We're going to study bodhisattvas. And today I would say, we're going to study bodhisattvas and Buddhas. We started yesterday. I said some stuff about the mind of the great Buddha of India. And so we're going to study the mind of the great sage of India. So I'm not telling you that you have to have the faith of the mind of the great sage of India. But I am saying that if you identify what your faith is, and it becomes stabilized, you will discover the faith of the mind of the great sage of India.

[14:04]

I'm predicting that. So we are going to be studying the Dharma. We're going to be chanting the Dharma together. And in chanting the Dharma together, beings, for example we, will become

[15:11]

mature. We will help each other become mature in Buddha's wisdom. This morning we chanted together. We chanted Hotsugaman, the verses for arousing the bodhisattva vow by the ancestor Dogen. Earlier today, we chanted the Heart Sutra. We chanted the merging of difference and unity. Do you know what page the Hartsikta is on? Eight. Eight.

[16:13]

Correct. Do you know what page the Makkah, Hanukkah, Shingyo is on? Nine. Nine. Correct. Do you know what page the hymn to Prajnaparabhita is on? Ten. Ten. Do you know what page the Enmei Juku Kanan-gyo is on? Ten's kind of one of those main pages. So when the Enmei Juku Kanan-gyo says Enmei Juku Kanan-gyo, where will you find it? Page ten. Page ten. A loving-kindness meditation, what page is that on?

[17:14]

Eleven. Eleven. We're studying the Dharma. We're finding out which page things are on. For example, I learned what pain is on. The question is, how do we give up fruitless distracting activities? That was the question. The answer is, be mindful all the time. Mindful of what? Well, mindful of the Buddha, the Sangha. Be mindful all the time of the mind of the great sage of India. If you're mindful of that all the time, you will let go of fruitless activities, which not only are wasting your time now, but they have the effect of hindering you later.

[18:21]

How do you let go of that stuff? By being mindful of what's important to you. And that's on page 122 of a certain book about bodhisattva. This intensive is a container for bodhisattva faith. For faith that we are bodhisattvas, this is a container for it. We're here to help each other chant the Dharma together so we can mature. Then there's Harmony of Difference and Inequality. What page is that on? Twelve. Twelve, that's right. Then there's the Japanese original of that.

[19:29]

Harmony of Difference and Equality. Sandokai. What page is that on? Fourteen. Then there's the song of the jewel mirror, or precious mirror. Are we precious mirror these days, or jewel mirror? Jewel. Are we jewel? The jewel mirror samadhi. What page is that on? Sixteen. Could we chant that tomorrow morning during service? Please? The Juru Mir Samadhi on page 16. And then we even have the original Chinese of that. called Hokyo Zanmai. And what page is that on?

[20:35]

Nineteen. Getting harder. We have Fukan Zazengi. What page is that on? Twenty-one. Then we have Genjo Koan. What page is that on? Twenty-four. Twenty-four. Then we have self-receiving, applying samadhi. What page is that on? 27. Do you remember chanting that yesterday? You mostly were there for noon service, right? Or no, not yesterday. Day before yesterday. You chanted that. It's on page 27. And then there's Ehe Koso Hotsugamon, what page is that on?

[21:36]

29. Then there's the Gate of Sweet... That's on page 30. And there's the Name of the Buddhas and Ancestors, page 33. And there's the Name of the Women Ancestors, page 35. And then there's the Dai Shinranen. which is 36. Easy to find. It's the last page. Dai He Shin Durande. Do you know what Dai He Shin means? Dai means great. He means compassion. Shin means mind. Durande is like a text to help us remember something. It's a text to help us remember the great compassionate mind of the great sage of India.

[22:39]

Back to the harmony of difference and equality. read today, this mind of the great sage of India is intimately transmitted. And I'm emphasizing also that it is intimate transmission. There's no mind of Buddha that's separate from transmission. The Buddha mind is intimate transmission. just like there's no chanting of the sutras together, separate from maturing beings. Maturing of beings occurs in our anusanga, reciting, studying the Dharma together.

[23:50]

In the Sanskrit of that, It's actually a sutra called Dharma Sanghiti Sutra. It's the sutra which can be translated as the sutra of chanting the sutra together. It's often translated as chanting the Dharma together. The sutra of chanting the Dharma together, it's often translated as compendium of Dharma. But I prefer the translation of Chanting the Dharma Together Sutra. Now, what about faith? Well, okay, faith. If I have stable faith, then I'm settled in my... Just say,

[25:01]

profound appreciation of the mind of the great sage of India. I'm settled into my profound appreciation of great wisdom and great compassion. So again, I don't like to believe in I feel better about refuge. Going for refuge in Buddha is very similar to plunging into Buddha. It's very similar to Buddha. The Buddha mind is

[26:04]

the highest, not the highest, the highest or the ultimate concern of this life. So I always return to that. I'm always mindful of that. Someone asked me recently, I think something maybe might have said this, is going for refuge in Buddha dropping off body and mind? Which is the definition of zazen. What's zazen? It's dropping off body and mind. What's dropping off body and mind? It's going for refuge in Buddha, wholeheartedly. Not being distracted from it, just totally plunging into it. So simple.

[27:13]

Yet difficult. Not always difficult, but often difficult. It's often difficult because of karmic accumulations, because something happens and we forget. because something is saying, I hate you, or you're stupid, or you're unfair, or I'm going to hurt that person. At that moment, because of our karmic background, we get distracted from, oh, opportunity for Buddha. This is a job for Buddha, this thing that's happening. This is not something like, oh, this is happening, so I can't remember. This is what I'm here for. So that's, again, this is a vessel, a container for us to settle into the Buddha mind, to stabilize our faith, to settle our faith

[28:42]

in the intimate communion among all of us, to not get distracted from it. And if we do get distracted from it, then we reveal and disclose our distraction before the thing we got distracted from. I got distracted from Buddha. I'm sorry. I got distracted from Buddha. mind of great sage of India, I'm sorry. I confess. I acknowledge. I'm embarrassed. I forgot what I'm here for. I forgot my job. But I'm happy that I'm doing my job now because my job is to, when I forget it, my job is to acknowledge it and regret that I got distracted from what I feel is most important. what I feel is most important, intimate, harmonious communion.

[29:49]

We think things in our mind, and then we forget that what we just thought of is calling for compassion. Or we don't remember, oh, that thought is calling for compassion, and compassion is here for that thought. ...that somebody said something to you and you forgot to listen to that with compassion. You did? Can you do that? So, even in my own mind, I'm thinking these things, and rather than... It's like, well, that's stupid. I shouldn't be thinking that it's stupid. But I do think it's stupid. And I'm not sorry I think it's stupid, because it is stupid.

[31:13]

Every one of those thoughts, there were several there. Did you see them? I could go on. Listen to me, Buddha. Listen to me, Bodhisattva. I'm your job. Please help me. Here's a karmic hindrance. I'm distracted. This is a container to train our minds into mindfulness of the great sage's mind more and more steadily. Things are impermanent, our mind is impermanent, but it can be changed. Even though it's impermanent, it can keep coming up on the wall. you fall off, and you fall on it again. Or it gets taken away, and you're given something else to stand on. Stand on means do what you actually want to do, whether you've discovered it or not.

[32:27]

And if you have, then we're now training to remember that all day long here during this intensive. And then hopefully, The practice will go on after the intensive. It will continue after the intensive if we settle into it during this short time together. So in this simple little book, I wish we had beautiful brocade covers. But anyway, we're doing our best here so far to put these precious teachings into a container for you.

[33:34]

And I would encourage you I'll request you to join the chanting of the Dharma at the beginning of the chanting, rather than later. So we have this wonderful heart sutra. Dharma, Dharma, Dharma. And then we have loving-kindness. Can we do loving-kindness and new service today, please? If we have new service. And we might, right? Oh, there's the harmony of difference and equality. It also says, while human faculties are sharp or dull, in the way there's no distinction between southern and northern,

[34:40]

That alludes to a conversation between the person we call the sixth ancestor and the person we call the fifth ancestor of the Zen tradition. He wasn't a priest yet, he wasn't a monk yet, he was a layman. who made money selling firewood. Anyway, he met the great ancestor, and the ancestor said, where are you from? He said, south, like Guangzhou. And the fifth ancestor lived up in the northern part of the country. And the great teacher says, people in the south don't have Buddha nature. And that was kind of a joke, right? Anyway. knew it was a joke and said, you know, when it comes to Buddha nature, there's no distinction between southern and northern.

[35:49]

And when it comes to Buddha nature, there's no distinction between dull and sharp-witted. Sharp-witted people, especially young people, are sharp-witted. That was a chuckle I just heard. I could hear it. Little children, they can hear that from two blocks away. But in terms of Buddha nature, there's no distinction between the shark and the dog. Everybody is in the mind of the great sage of India equally, and everybody's different. The spiritual source shines clear in the light. What's the spiritual source? Well, I think the spiritual source is the sameness. The spiritual source is that all the different beings are really the same.

[37:01]

They have the same practice and the same enlightenment. That's the spiritual source. But that spiritual source is in the dark. And it shines. It's something that's invisible, and it shines. Where does it shine? It shines in the light, but it shines in our deluded consciousness. In the realm of difference, the spiritual source of sameness is shining. How does it shine? It shines in the differences. It's dark. In darkness you can't see difference, and in sameness there's a great light. So this is one of the sutras, one of the scriptures we will be chanting today, which is to help us stay focused on the mind of the great sage,

[38:11]

and then stay focused on the mind of the great sage. So this great resource we're already living in can play out in all of our daily activities. But we have to train. Because as some of you know, maybe all of you do, we have, we are, at risk. We are at risk of getting distracted from the mind. We are at risk of getting distracted from intimate communion. That's just something to, again, remember that we remember that we are at risk of being non-mindful. we're at risk of being hasty, impetuous, reactive.

[39:21]

So in some Buddhist words, talk, talk is though we're going to eliminate all these emotions. I'm more of the surfing school, which is not about eliminating waves on the ocean. It's about learning how to be mindful in the waves on the ocean. It's also not about going where the biggest waves are. I know that some surfers do that. I'm more of the, let's surf on the waves that we've got right now. Big ones may be coming. I think they are. Now we have a chance to train at riding the waves we've got. We have some waves here, right?

[40:31]

We have power energies. And then that creates waves in people. And everything... There it is. And then power comes back on and we get another wave. So I want this container to support us learning how to surf our impetuousness, our forgetfulness, our agitation, our hastiness, our impatience. I want to learn how to ride these waves. and be upright on them, and then things change, and then find our uprightness, and then things change, and then things change. Help each other and learn that. And when you see somebody who's practicing it, rejoice in them.

[41:32]

Rejoice that they're able to stay present with their body and mind that's constantly changing. When you see somebody who can listen when people are making a lot of noise or when people are quiet, when you see them, rejoice in that. And if you see somebody who gets distracted, who seems to lose their mindfulness, rejoice in practicing towards them. And the same for yourself. There's so many things which I remember and then don't know what to say. One of them which I remember and now I do have an opportunity to say is that when Suzuki Roshi was alive, after I became a Zen priest, he gave me some instruction about being a Zen priest.

[42:34]

And he said, the job of a Zen priest is to encourage people to practice zazen. And one of the ways that a Zen priest might encourage people to practice zazen is by sitting cross-legged or in a chair in a zendo. And if the priest sits in his endo and there are no people there, he should not tell people that he's doing that. Mostly he's sitting to encourage other people to sit. He should not tell people that he sits. The main part of the job is to sit to encourage people. And the way you do that is, one of the ways you do that is to sit where they can see you doing it, and that encourages them.

[43:39]

If you sit where nobody's around, if you do that, don't tell them you're doing that. Then they think, you know, You're doing extra zazen, because you're so tongue-in-the-hole. I asked him one time, he said, okay, if I go to the zendo early, people get to the zendo. He said, you can do it, but don't let other people see you. Let people see you practicing the way, and also, if you're not practicing the way, let people see you. Show people, reveal, if you're not practicing the way. If you are practicing it, show it. Show it, show it, show it. If you are practicing, show it. Go to Zendo. Show us that you're there. It encourages us. You're doing it. Thank you. But if you're not doing it, show us that too. Equally important.

[44:42]

And if you don't want to show us because we're not so compassionate, show the Buddhas. They want you to show them. They don't want you to be distracted. But if you are, they want you to say, hey, hey, I'm distracted, and you don't want to listen to me. And Buddha says, right, I'm listening. That's the talisman. I encourage you to continue. Every time you're not practicing, let me know. And letting me know turns the wheel of discernment. Turning the wheel of Dharma, letting Buddha know you're not, turns the wheel of Dharma. I didn't have to turn around and look at that clock because I have the clock in my wrist. What time is the kitchen leaving? 10.30? Wow. That's a long time from now.

[45:44]

Thank you. So, do you see what we're studying now? A little bit? Yeah. We're studying the Buddha way. We're studying the Buddha mind. We're looking at ourselves to see what is our faith. Where do we sit with this mind of the Buddha? Where do we sit with great compassion? Where do we sit with intimate communion? Let's look at that together. So he said, the Zen priest is to encourage people to practice Zazen.

[46:46]

In other words, to encourage people to practice dropping off body and mind. In other words, to encourage people to completely take refuge in Buddha. In this moment. And then train to do it in this moment. And then train to do it in this moment. I don't like next moment so much. This moment. This moment. This is... The faith is, as we say, meets the road in this moment. And every time it meets the road in this moment, it promotes another meeting in other moments. Zen priests encourage this kind of zazen, this taking refuge, but all the bodhisattvas basically are encouraging the same thing.

[47:50]

They're encouraging the practice of encouraging people to practice, encouraging the practice of helping people mature in the practice. And as I said, you are all bodhisattvas. Your job is to encourage people in the practice. And you are in this intensive and each of you is encouraging the other people in this intensive to be in this intensive. Your presence here now and about the earth in this valley and in the zendo. Your presence encourages the other people to practice. Your presence has the power to remind them to remember what they're here for in this life, which is to help beings mature in practice.

[48:58]

The Self-Receiving Unemploying Samadhi, again, which we chanted not yesterday but the day before, it describes the mind of the great sage of India. It describes the Buddha Samadhi. It's the Samadhi of the Buddhas. It's the Samadhi, it's the mindfulness, it's the focus, it's the centeredness on intimate communion. And it says, however, it does not appear within perception. We cannot see how we're in intimate communion. But we can see how we're here as humans individually, and how we are here to encourage each other to contemplate this samadhi. So I pray that your good health continues because so far your health has been good.

[50:11]

One person got sick, but the rest of you are here. That's why we have so many chairs. And... You know, if we didn't have this many people, we wouldn't have this many chairs. And I wouldn't be talking like this if you weren't here. So I see a finger raised. Can you ask questions? I want to hear a little bit more about how to think about distractions, worldly affairs. I mean, everything's an opportunity for practice. And I think when I was younger, I would think worldly affairs was this class of things that you did, and practice was this other class of things. So maybe if I can just use a slightly uncharged example of like a chocolate cookie. So, I know I have a desire for chocolate cookies. So, maybe I eat a chocolate cookie, maybe I eat it mindfully.

[51:13]

That's not a distraction, right? That's not a worldly affair, even though maybe white sugar, white flour, chocolate maybe going to keep me up at night. Like, I eat the chocolate cookie, I can eat it mindfully. Distraction, a worldly affair, as long as I eat it mindfully in practice, But then I'm also wondering about the second chocolate cookie, which I maybe could eat mindfully, even though I know I don't really need a second chocolate cookie. Maybe I'm right there saying to myself, I don't know if this is such a good idea that I need a chocolate cookie, but I feel the desire to eat it. Where is distraction? Where is practice? How does that break out? Well, at the beginning of your You said something about... Did you say there was an interest or a desire for a chocolate cookie? A chocolate cookie appeared on the horizon, and there was an interest in it.

[52:15]

Okay? So, the interest in the chocolate cookie is a distraction unless you forget to be kind to the interest. Before you touch the cookie, there's this wish to perhaps eat it. That wish is not a distraction. When the wish comes, I forget my job. So I'm doing my job with my job. Compassion, compassion, compassion. The cookie comes up and I forget compassion. So we say, then we blame the cookie, or we blame the cookie, and say the impulse is a distraction. But it's only a distraction because my mindfulness broke down, and I forgot to be kind to the impulse, or the interest. Then, if I did notice that, oh, impulse to have a cookie.

[53:22]

And I missed being kind to that impulse to have a cookie. We're not reaching for cookies yet. We're practicing with that. We noticed that we missed a chance to be kind to the wish to have a cookie. Now I say, I'm sorry, Buddhist. I missed my chance to do my job, and I'm sorry. Now, one might wonder, do you still want the cookie? But you might check. And that checking, again, don't distract yourself from being kind to checking. Do I still want it? But the compassion isn't saying, ask the question, do you still want it? But your mind might wonder, do I still want it? And do I still want it? is not really a distraction. I get distracted by the sense that I forget to decline to, do I still want it? And the story might be, yes, I do.

[54:26]

And the answer might be, no, I don't, actually. This little exercise I did, this quick little exercise I did, it nourished me completely. How wonderful. Nothing against cookies or morning milk, but I'm satisfied. This is what I'm here for." At the end of that versicle, at the end of that poem, he said, this is the pure and simple color of true practice. This is a mind that doesn't mean that it doesn't sometimes wish for a cookie and forget to be kind to the wish. Maybe it does, but if you notice, I had a wish and a working kind. I criticized myself for wanting this cookie, and then I also was not mindful when I reached for it.

[55:26]

But noticing that and regretting it, that's the practice. And it could lead, you could wish to have a cookie, and be kind to it, and then there'll be another thought, I am going to have a cookie, and you can be kind to it, and then there could be having a cookie, and you can be kind to it. Then there's no distraction from the practice, but there is cookie consumption. There's cookie issue, there's cookie reaching, there's cookie eating, but the practice is alive. The lotus grows in the muddy water, or it doesn't. It grows in muddy water when we engage the mud and say, this is mud. This is an opportunity for compassion. Then the mud isn't a distraction. The mud is where we grow the lotus.

[56:31]

It's where we grow the compassion. And then there's no distraction. It's just lotus planting and lotus nourishing. And maybe if we eat a lot of cookies, there'll be some problems for our body. I'm sorry. But some people who don't eat cookies, they also are not compassionate to the impulse. So they stop it. They feel the impulse, they're not kind to it, and they stop it, but not as an act of kindness. So they don't eat the cookie, but they didn't plant the seed of compassion. So that's the real sad thing, is when we miss a chance. For me, the sad thing is not that we didn't eat the cookie, or that we did eat the cookie, is that no matter when or how we're eating anything, It's an opportunity for compassion.

[57:33]

Will that change our dietary activity? Maybe. sugar is not good for our body. Like the doctor says, you're pre-diabetic and you shouldn't eat so much sugar. Matter of fact, you should cut down your carbohydrate. You might listen to that. But when the doctor says that to us, the doctor is calling for compassion. When the doctor tells us to change our diet, we can get distracted by the doctor's instruction. And if we do, we say, oh, I was listening to the doctor, and I forgot my job was to help this doctor. I'm sorry. Doesn't mean you shouldn't listen to the doctor. You should listen to the doctor. Listen with compassion. Not listen to try to get something like perfect health.

[58:34]

And if you are trying to get perfect health, listen to that. Is that clear? Yeah. Exactly. So we have an opportunity. If we want to give up worldly affairs, we have to be mindful while we're chanting about giving up worldly affairs. So when we read the line, when we read the Dharma, when we announce worldly affairs, don't get distracted by that sentence. Be kind to that, too. Be intimate with that. Don't forget to be intimate with it. What are you doing? The kitchen. I thought you said 10.30. It's 11. Oh, it's 11. Or is it 10? Wait a second. When does the kitchen have to leave? 10.30. What time is it now? 10.11. 10.11. Would you mind staying a little longer?

[59:36]

Yes. Would you be happy to stay longer? Yes. Are you having a good time? Yeah, I'm having a good time. Sorry, I stepped on your toes. Yes, yes, yes. Harry and Brian and Vanessa. Is your name Vanessa? I found that a little emotional at the beginning of the talk today. When you talked about faith and you redefined it or put your definition on it. And I realized when I was a little girl, kind of the Catholic kids and a lot of the kids had this thing that my family didn't have. It's just kind of luck of the dawn. My family didn't have that. And it was always mysterious and unavailable.

[60:43]

And then, somehow, out of my late fear, and I, you know, the question about what is my ultimate concern and what is my life, answered you I feel very very clear I'm clear not without but I'm not clear about defeat and Sometimes you do this language jiu-jitsu, where you take a word that I've known my entire life, and you say, no, faith isn't belief, it's honoring myself. You said you're calling it honor. For me, it's not belief. For me, it's more like what I offer myself to. I just can't get my mind around the difference between offering myself to something... Well, offering myself, it was something I could do on this occasion.

[61:46]

And vow is, I vow to, this is an open-ended commitment to this thing. I just did this thing called sitting. When I became an abbot, I was supposed to make a statement, and I said, my faith... In other words, that practice, I trust that practice, that mysterious thing. I commit to it. So vow follows the faith. You can have faith in things but not commit to them. Like you could have faith... But can you commit to something and not have faith in it? Say, I feel like I've committed to this, but I don't know that that means I understand faith to be in it. I don't know if you can commit to something if you don't have faith in it. I think the vow is based on faith, then vow. So we have this thing called Bodhi mind, and Bodhi mind arises from this intimate communion with Buddhas.

[62:55]

The Buddha mind communicates... In that intimate communion, this wish, wish, wish, wish to practice in order to realize for the welfare of all beings. Is that wish faith? No. It comes from faith. So first faith, then communion, then wish, then vow. Vow is what protects the wish. So bodhicitta is not really a vow at the beginning. When it first arrives, it's a wish. It's like, I want to be of the greatest possible benefit to all living beings. Because you believe that... I still am stuck on the faith part. Yeah, I got the wish part. What's that got to do with faith?

[63:57]

I guess I believe that... I believe that being a benefit to all beings... and being benefited by all beings, is the life I want. That's where I'm at. That's most important to me, is to benefit the whole universe and be benefited by the whole universe. That's my faith. And settling in that, I open to being in communion with the Buddhas who have realized that. And then I wish to do that work So you could wish, you could feel that what's most important is to live a life of benefit to our life and be benefited by all. You could wish, you could want that, but you wouldn't necessarily wish to become Buddha yet, until you meet a Buddha. And then we meet a Buddha because we're open to this great work.

[64:59]

And we get open to it by wanting it, by by being willing to live that way. We haven't yet really made a clear commitment at the beginning. And then the wish arises, nice and clear, and then we realize that needs to be protected. So the faith needs to be protected. And then the communion needs to be protected. And then the wish needs to be protected. And then the vow needs to be protected. But people who are not yet practicing actually really feel like benefiting all beings and being benefited by them. Yeah, that's at the center of my life. But not yet wish to become Buddha. And not even knowing that such a thing is possible, I do know that I want to benefit, maybe,

[66:04]

my mother, and I want her to benefit me. I do know that. But I don't necessarily want to become a Buddha so that I can do that for everybody. and join in this great work of the Buddha Way. That doesn't occur to me. But if you settle into your faith, you will open to these beings of awakening which have the realization in this world, the teaching that it's possible to become really good at this thing you wish for. And that's that part. Acknowledging that there are these beings who... I think it's the thing first. It's what's most important to you first.

[67:07]

Then that opens you to the fact that there's Buddhas who have realized exactly what you... You haven't realized it. You just think it's cool. It's what's most important to you. You don't feel like you're able to do that, or that that's being done for you. You don't get that. But somehow that's the most... You don't know what it is, but it's the most important thing to you right now. Just like, again, some little boys or little girls want to become healers. That's what they want. That's what they sense. That would be so great, so cool to become a great healer. That would be great happiness for me. But I'm not yet a great healer. They know that. I know what a great healer is, but I want it. And living in that, wanting that, knowing that you're not that, opens you to meet a great healer.

[68:16]

And then, to become the great healer. And then you vow to be a great healer. Some people want to be a great healer, that's great, but they don't vow, so they don't do the work of becoming one. Because it's a lot of work. You have to give up a lot of stuff to become a great healer. Brian... My question is about the weight metaphor. Yes. Not going out and searching for the largest weight. No. To work with the greatest of violence first. And I get tripped up by that one quite a bit. Because I've previously interpreted that as there's really no point in taping up a drip.

[69:19]

when I could go and try to fix the whole roof. But I get burned by that pretty frequently. So what kind of occurred to me and I wanted to ask is that maybe that there are a lot of waves simultaneously. And within those, there are the lesser ones, and ones that maybe would require more effort, and ones that maybe wouldn't require as much effort. instead of going for the ones that don't require as much effort, going for the bigger ones. But I get the question. Well, a lot of things come up when you bring that, but one of the things that come up for selecting. So I would say, don't select. Don't jump over what's being given you. Just deal with it. And you might be like, I read this Lord John phrase that I should start with the greatest. But this doesn't seem like the greatest. However, because it doesn't seem like the greatest, makes it the greatest. Because I'm supposed to be doing the greatest, and this is like a puny little...

[70:23]

What's the word? Defilement? Yeah. This is such a puny defilement. Give me a big one, please. I'm in the school. Once you've read that Lojan phrase, it makes it hard for you to deal with puny little defilements. So then they're pretty hard then for you. Like I often, when we used to have, when we used to call, use operators when we made telephone calls, I used to think, you know, if somebody tells me that I'm going to, I'm going to die tomorrow, they're going to shoot me tomorrow, cut my head off tomorrow, or I have terminal illness, I think I'd do pretty well with that. But if I called the operator to get, and they're not kind to me, I kind of feel like, I don't have to deal with this. I don't need this.

[71:28]

They're supposed to be helpful, so, you know. And then, I don't know, maybe say something unkind to the person, rather than, oh, I've been waiting for you to give me this. I'm not kind to you. No, it's like, this is, I don't need these little mean little things. I want a big mean thing. I want a giant monster. Because I heard that that's cool. I want a cool brother thing. One petty comment after another to me is like, anything, basically. Even though it's a puny thought. Vanessa? I say, I have this mnemonic to remember your name, which actually makes it harder to remember your name. What is it? Vanessa. Every time I think of her, my niece, I say, Vanessa, could that be?

[72:29]

She had the same name as my niece. So my question is about practicing compassion, our own thoughts. Yes. And that was one right there. That one, I can do that one. That was one that you could do. And did you? Yeah. Well, great. I did too. And it's easy to be compassionate to your question. than it is for you because you're trying to get it out there. But if you Okay, well, okay, well, that's sort of my question. So okay, I can I feel like I can practice compassion towards other people's Dark thoughts. Easier than I can towards mine. And when I have a dark thought or an unkind thought towards myself or about my life, sometimes I practice compassion to it and I feel compassion.

[73:40]

I feel love. So how do you feel love for the dark thoughts? It's... How do I explain that? There's like a sensation or a feeling or an emotion towards it that's loving. Maybe looking at a hurt animal or a hurt child and feeling... Oh, like... I don't know how to say that. Compassionate. What's... You say, oh... Like I want to hold it and take care of it. You want to embrace it. Yeah. And then sometimes... You want to be intimate with it. Yeah, I want to be intimate with it. Yeah. Sometimes you see a dark thought. And then I... And you don't want to be intimate with it.

[74:44]

So there's a dark thought. And then there's, I don't want to be intimate. And that's like the darkest thought that there is. That's like the epitome of dark thoughts is, I don't want to be intimate with something. Now let's be intimate with, I don't want to be intimate. Let's embrace, I don't want to be intimate with so-and-so. Or me-and-so. So at some point, I don't want to be intimate, I want to be intimate. What is really the problem? It's the lack of compassion. So oftentimes people say, I can't be compassionate to so-and-so. I say, well, can you be compassionate to... I can't be compassionate. Yeah, I think I can. So you're not yet ready to embrace certain dark thoughts, but can you embrace your inability to do so?

[75:56]

Maybe that you can, and if you can't do that, Can you embrace your inability to embrace your inability? And eventually you get to it. Yeah. You've got to start someplace to plant the seed. Maybe you can't plant it over there because you're afraid it's going to bite your fingers off. You've got to throw it from a distance. But eventually you find someplace to plant it. And working towards eventually embracing everybody inwardly. And does that have, I guess, part of my question is, does it need to be accompanied by that feeling of like, or if I'm just attempting to embrace that feeling? It does not need to be accompanied by any feeling or thought. But it can be.

[76:59]

The embrace... Sometimes we can embrace dark, difficult phenomena, dark, difficult beings, inwardly and outwardly, with no feeling about it. Just embrace. And some other... I think it's just so funny that if you ask me, do you want to be with someone who's going to actually embrace you, or somebody who feels like they're embracing you? If I have to choose between, I'll choose the one who actually is embracing me. Do you want somebody who's going to carry you across the room and set you down? Or do you want to have somebody who feels like they're carrying you? And if you have to choose between, I'd choose the one who actually does it, rather than the one who feels it. And what about somebody who does it and feels it? That's fine, they can feel it too. I'm Buddhist. that feel like I'm Buddha or think I'm Buddha.

[78:03]

It's optional. And sometimes people mix up the feeling and they miss the actual compassion. They actually have the ability to embrace the thing, but they don't feel like they want to. They're already doing it. Like I just thought of a woman who maybe is breastfeeding, and she hears a baby cry, and she doesn't necessarily want to nurse the baby, but her breasts wet her blouse. In fact, she is offering the food to this guy, but she might not think she wants to. Other people might say, oh, I want to give the baby some, but the milk doesn't come. So, back to Zazen. Zazen is beyond feelings of discrimination. There can be feelings of discrimination, but this intimate communion isn't limited by whatever feeling or discrimination is going on.

[79:14]

So it can be with, oh, yeah, I'm embracing this dark and difficult thing, or not. And Buddhas, like also Ginger Cohen says, when Buddhas are truly Buddhas, they do not necessarily think, I'm Buddha. That's one translation. Another translation is they don't. I prefer don't necessarily because I think Buddhas think whatever they want to think. So they can think, hey, I'm Buddha, but they don't necessarily think that. They have other things to think. Like, it's Monday. They can think that, too. But when you're Buddha, you don't necessarily think, it's Monday. You can think anything, and it's an opportunity to demonstrate and encourage beings to embrace everything with compassion. Well, the kitchen's going to leave at 10.30, and guess what time it is?

[80:18]

It's 10.30. May God bless you. May God bless you. May God bless you.

[80:27]

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