I was up last week but there wasn't time so I just gave a brief, just a brief picture of the story and then there were some responses to the story and so I wondered if this story

[01:02]

is something that we should look at this time or not. Any responses? One person's nodding her head means you think, look at the story? You were up for it last week too, weren't you? Are there any objections to looking at the story, hearing about it? Okay. So there are these stories which are called Jataka, which means birth story and they're stories about the historical Buddha's past lives and someone mentioned to me that some scholars think that these stories were made up by the Mahayana practitioners, the practitioners

[02:06]

of the great vehicle of the Bodhisattva and that they weren't really circulating at the time of the historical Buddha and the historical Buddha didn't really say these stories about himself. However, these stories appear in the Pali literature, which is the literature of the supposedly the early teachings of the historical Buddha. But I could imagine that the scholars would suggest that once these stories were made up they were so good that the older tradition didn't want to be without them, even though they might not have been authentic, they didn't want the Mahayana people to have the story and then men not have it. But anyway, these are stories about the Bodhisattva and Bodhisattva originally meant the Buddha

[03:10]

in past lives evolving towards Buddhahood and then after the historical Buddha passed into perfect nirvana, this new movement adopted that word for the practitioners of the great vehicle. For beings who are not just going to attain an awakening which will personally liberate them from delusion and suffering, but a path of actually becoming Buddha, actually realizing Buddha and of course that doesn't need to be understood as a person all by herself realizing Buddha, but realizing in this world what Buddha really is. But these stories are about individual beings heading towards this Buddhahood and this story

[04:12]

was about a person who wished to practice asceticism and went into the forest to do so and was very happily practicing in the forest and his practice was, his central practice was the practice of patience, the practice of being patient particularly with his own experience because there weren't a lot of people out in the forest with him. He might have had to practice patience with insects and other animals and plants, but mainly he was working on his own suffering and his own discomforts. He was working inwardly on himself.

[05:19]

So that his inner discomforts and his inner confusions and delusions and unwholesome states would be cared for in such a way that they wouldn't actually enslave him and cause harm to himself and others. Now there was a king who on a hot spring day wanted to go into the forest where it was cooler and where there were some beautiful waters where one could refresh oneself. So he went with his harem and probably also some guards, some military escort and he

[06:29]

went into the forest and they had a lovely afternoon or day, frolicking in the forest and refreshing themselves and the king, the powerful king, also drank some intoxicating beverages and after having his fill of such pleasures he decided to take a nap. And when he took a nap, his harem, seeing that he didn't need their services and their attention, left him resting probably with a guard and went off in other areas of the forest and came upon this yogi. And when they saw him they were pleased to see his serene, blissful presence.

[07:38]

And they politely approached him and asked him about his practice. I think they actually asked if they could approach him and he said okay and they came close and asked him about his practice and he said, my practice is patience. And they asked him to give them some teachings about the practice and he did and they were pleased. And then the king woke up from his nap and noticed that his harem was gone and went looking for them. He thought, he wasn't pleased that they were gone I don't think. And then as he approached he saw them listening to the teachings of this yogi and he kind of felt that they were more interested in him than the king and he was jealous and became

[08:51]

very angry. He was still drunk, he was still intoxicated and he was angry and so he grabbed the sword from his own body or from his attendants and went stumbling at the yogi to punish him for what he perceived as usurping the attention of his harem. The senior members of the harem, the queens, saw him coming and were distressed to see his rage and went to him and kindly talked to him to tell him that this man did not attract them, he did not distract them, he was just quietly sitting and he did nothing and they

[09:54]

actually approached him because they thought it wasn't necessary for them to stay with the king. And basically the king calmed down a little bit but not completely. And he got this idea, oh, this yogi is not a real yogi, not a real ascetic, he's a fake. In the Buddhist tradition, there's two kinds of ascetics, two kinds of yogis that are criticized as not being authentic yogis. One type is a yogi who is able to attain concentration and the power that comes from concentrating one's energy. Various, when you're concentrated you can hit baseballs better and play ping pong better

[11:01]

and also fly and things like that. So there was, in Indian culture at that time and before, there was a sense that great concentrated beings had great powers. So in the Buddhist tradition it's not that we deny that, but we question the use of that power for any unwholesome or personal gain. And the other kind, so that would be one kind of false yogi, but the king didn't suspect him of being that kind of false yogi. He thought he was the other kind of false yogi, which is a yogi who doesn't practice yoga. A person who has a practice which they espouse to and get support for, but they don't really practice it. So he assumed that this yogi was not really what he appeared to be and wanted to test

[12:03]

him. And so he asked him after he calmed down a little bit, but he still wanted to kind of refute him or, you know, disgrace him. So at that time his harem, seeing that he was still not in a bad mood, went away very unhappily, because they thought he might hurt this peaceful person. So then he calls and he says, false ascetic, false yogi, what is your practice? And the yogi said, patience is my practice. And so then the king said, oh, you're patient, are you? Well, and then he cut his hands off, or his arms off. And then he said, now what is your practice?

[13:05]

What is the teaching of your practice? And the yogi said, patience, your majesty, is my practice. But your majesty doesn't seem to understand that cutting off my hands will not touch my patience practice, will not reach it. And so then the king cuts off his legs and asks him, now what is your practice? False ascetic. And he says, my practice is still patience, but you don't seem to know where it lives. And then the king cut his ears and his nose off, and again said, what is your practice? And the ascetic said, patience is my practice. But the king doesn't know where it lives. The king says, where does it live? And he said, deep in my heart.

[14:11]

And then the king kicks his heart and knocks him over, and storms off. And then one of the king's attendants, a general, comes over to the yogi and tries to give him some medical attention, but says to him, now, it's okay if you get angry, if you lose your patience, but don't use your power to destroy the nation. So that part of the story shows that the general thought this yogi had great power and did not want the yogi to use the power to take revenge on the king and his army. And the yogi said, I'm not angry and I won't take revenge. I wish the king peace and happiness. I have no ill will towards the king.

[15:18]

And then at the end, I guess the Buddha says, and that yogi is my ancestor, that yogi, that life led to this life. And that's the story. I don't know what led me to bring it up, but that's a brief version of the story. And as I said, you can find it if you write in Kshantivadan or Kantivadan on Google. It's a long story. And it's so long that it makes me feel like, geez, it surprised me that the Buddha would go into such detail about this. Because it seems like he's busy, he's got a lot of other things to do besides telling

[16:29]

long, elaborate stories, but that's the story. And one person who's not here tonight sent me a message saying, are you saying that you it's not okay, are you saying that it's not okay to disallow abuse? That's a lot of negatives. Not okay to disallow abuse. And I said that it's fine to disallow abuse. It can be quite helpful to disallow abuse. You can disallow lots of things that can be quite helpful. Like I use the example, I disallowed the x-ray technicians from moving my leg because I thought it would be too much for me. If they had moved it anyway, I don't know if I would have lost my patience.

[17:30]

As it was, they didn't, and I didn't lose my patience even though I was uncomfortable. But if they had moved it, I don't know if I would have lost my patience. I might have just screamed in pain and not got angry at them. Because, yeah, that's what I would like to do. So part of this story is about the king who's trying to control things in the world, but can't control himself. Or rather, I should say, he's trying to control things in the world and can't encounter or manage his own inner turmoil and confusion and ill will and fear and possessiveness. Doesn't even have the idea to look there to see what's going on. He's a puppet of his emotions. And trying to control the external world and the yogi is primarily trying to cultivate and care for and develop compassion in relationship to his own inner life.

[18:39]

And from that compassion, hopefully, he could relate to the external world in a way that would help the external world. But he wasn't trying to control the external world. And the Buddha's life, the historical Buddha, generally speaking, I think, I feel, I see the Buddha demonstrating that he was benefiting the world, but not trying to control it. And I don't remember him saying, I cannot control the world, but I feel like he almost said that. I'm not able to control the world. I have great powers, but I'm not able to control the world. But I am able to benefit the world. I am able to be kind to the world, inwardly and outwardly. And I can be kind to the world outwardly because I'm kind to the world inwardly. If we aren't kind to ourselves inwardly, that will interfere with us being kind to ourselves outwardly.

[19:42]

And ourselves outwardly, my outer self, is all beings. Your outer self is all beings. Is that your story? Or is that a story that you wish to live? Because even if you live that story, it's not necessarily yours, right? So I don't want to say that's my story. Because it isn't really mine. It's a story which I would like to share with innumerable bodhisattvas. But I hear from the bodhisattvas that that's their story. The people moving towards Buddhahood, their story is that their outer self is all beings. Their inner self is their sense organs and their emotions, their thoughts, their feelings.

[20:47]

But my thoughts and my feelings and my emotions are part of your outer self. And that story is not something that is mine, that I own, but it's a story I aspire to. I aspire to learn how to respond compassionately to my inner state. For the sake of responding compassionately to my outer state. So without being possessive, what do you aspire to in relationships? And what questions do you have about such a story or such a path? Yes.

[21:58]

You aspire to have an appropriate response to what's happening? Yeah. Including abuse or someone else being abused. For whatever reason. And so I pick the story that I would want to have the capacity to have that kind of patience. Like he had the story about would support my being able to respond appropriately. Not necessarily that I would let somebody cut off my arms and legs. But I think it makes sense to me that you would have to be open to that possibility. To really be open to what is the appropriate response.

[23:04]

Like you couldn't have a whole plethora of possible responses that were off limits before you got into the situation. I would want to have anything be a potentially appropriate response. Right. If we close off what might be an appropriate response, that will hinder realizing the appropriate response. But the appropriate response could have been, Please, your majesty, I see you're raising your sword now. Please do not cut me. Because that's too much for me. I cannot allow you to do that. And the king might say, Pardon? Yeah, or please don't do that because it won't be good for you. As a matter of fact, you can change the story if you like.

[24:05]

And make a new one. Where the yogi says, Please, your majesty, do not harm me because that will not be good for you. And then the king says, Thank you. See you later. Or the king says, How do you know what's good for me? And cuts him anyway. You tell two versions and see which one lasts for two thousand years. Probably they both would. You can say one more thing, yes. Voter registration and many things that were happening. It sounded like they were taken out and killed by the Ku Klux Klan or something.

[25:09]

I don't know if that was true. But one of them, one of the people that killed them, can confess later. Because what one of them had said, I don't know which of the three had said to him, right when he was about to be shot, I know just how he felt. And that led to, several years later, the person confessing because it just tortured him and stayed with him. So much that comment. In contemplating this story, I've been asking myself, what is the balance between taking care of the external world, like, for example, cleaning the house,

[26:09]

or saving money, or taking care of a car. You know, how much of that can I do without getting distracted from my inner awareness? And which is really most important to me? To have a clean house, or to be working on myself? Now, even if I say, to working on myself, studying myself, is really what's important, still I do clean the house. And when I do that, do I forsake my self-study at that time? Don't have to. But there's a possibility that I would get distracted from my self-study

[27:18]

by vacuuming. It makes a lot of noise, that vacuum. It's hard to even hear myself think when I'm vacuuming. Not impossible, but it's noisy. And if I knew that actually, vacuuming would be so loud that I wouldn't be able to remember, my vows, would I give up vacuuming? Because it's too advanced for me. And then try to quietly ask somebody else to do the vacuuming? Who's more advanced? Yes? What are you doing when you're not vacuuming? What am I doing when I'm not vacuuming? What are you doing when you're taking care of yourself? Well, I'm aware of myself. Here's something I wanted to tell you about. I bought this new car. It's a holy car.

[28:20]

It's a yogi car. It gets really good gas mileage. People say, do you like your new car? I don't exactly like it, but I do kind of like being holy. I like this shrinking carbon footprint. I like this really good mileage. I like it. I feel good about it. I feel like I'm doing the right thing. But now I've learned another thing about this. And that is, I've learned that I'm slowing down, too. I'm not just in a car that gets good mileage. I'm driving slower than I did in other cars. Where I'm not so aware of how the speed decreases the mileage. So now I'm driving really slow. And I'm driving kind of as slow as I can without harming the people behind me.

[29:24]

So I probably won't be getting any tickets for quite a long time. Because I'm driving really slow. Did they give you tickets for driving too slowly? They do? How slow? Below 40 on the freeway? And they give you a ticket for driving too slowly? Okay. Six or more? How do you see how many there are? Anyway, I notice that I've slowed down. I'm really driving much slower. And then I notice that I feel a lot different driving slower. I really feel different. It's really, I'm more aware of myself driving slower. It makes me more kind of interested to study myself when I'm going slower.

[30:31]

I'm more interested, yeah, more interested. I'm not so much trying to get somewhere anymore. I leave earlier. I'm not so concerned how long it takes. Because the longer it takes, the better the mileage. So, you know, I'm not saying I never noticed my inner state when I was driving before. I did. But I notice it more now because I've slowed down. And I've noticed that I'm more aware of myself driving now, that I'm driving slower. But I could get distracted. Or I could even try to get distracted. I might distract myself by, you know, turning on the radio. But again, what am I turning the radio on for? Is it part of practicing patience to turn the radio on?

[31:33]

Is it part of studying myself to turn the radio on? Or am I trying to go someplace else and be just here with me the way I am? I'm the first person and maybe the only person in the neighborhood who's looking to see that. If somebody's in the car with me, they may ask me, Are you studying yourself? If one of you were in the car, you'd probably be asking me that, right? Did I answer your question? Do you have any further questions about that? No? How about you? What are you studying? Did you ask me what I was studying or what did you ask me? Oh, yeah, that's what I'm studying. And driving slower, I can drive and study.

[32:38]

Pardon? I would tend to get more distracted as I drive faster, but not just drive faster, but drive faster to go faster. If I drive faster, step on the accelerator to get there faster, step on the accelerator to go faster, rather than step on the accelerator to go the appropriate speed. Not trying to get anything, but just be, what do you call it, in the zone, so to speak. And what I need is a vacuum machine that gives better mileage if I'm meditating. But I don't have a vacuum cleaner like that. I have a car that gets better mileage if I drive more slowly, which means I have a car which gets better mileage if I'm... Of course, you can drive more slowly, but not study yourself. But it has had that effect that I'm studying myself more driving this car

[33:49]

than I have driving other cars. I borrowed one of Green Gulch's cars a while ago, because I told you about the car that kind of blew up. So during that time I gave my holy car to my spouse. Then I didn't have a car, so I borrowed Green Gulch's car. Green Gulch has this old clunker which had just recently been fixed. It didn't start very well. It's an old Subaru station wagon. And I got in and I thought, this is like a Corvette. Compared to my holy car. And again, it's harder to meditate in that clunker, because it's like a sports car compared to my car. Plus, there's no indication that driving it with a little bit peppier way, no indication that that affects the mileage. It's kind of more fun to go a little faster,

[34:55]

to like zip up the hill rather than... crawling up the hill. Unless somebody is behind me, and then I give up crawling, and go at a speed that they would like, or pull over. I'm also pulling over more than I used to. So again, vacuuming makes it harder for me to study myself, actually. It's kind of like I'm trying to clean... Sweeping? I also do it with a broom. The broom is easier to meditate, yeah. However, the broom does not work very well on carpet. What? You have to sweep more, yeah, right. Actually, I like vacuuming, it's just it's hard to meditate when you vacuum. It's more advanced, I think, for me anyway. And then it's also hard to vacuum in a symmetrical way.

[35:59]

It's difficult practice, quite advanced for some of us. Yes? What occurs to me, and I'm listening to you speak about your experience, is that maybe it's the contrast. It's not that slow or fast is more or less conducive, but if you have a tendency to do X, and then you do something different, then it brings up a different awareness. Yeah, the contrast might be part of it. If you're trying to go slow all the time, or there's a circumstance where you speed up, and you're quieter, or you're thinner, with a noisy vacuum, then the contrast is what articulates something about yourself or your mind. So maybe, do it. I'll check that out. Yes? What I'm relating to is the story part.

[37:12]

You're relating to what? I'm trying to put it in words. One moment. What the story brings up is how I relate to abuse. I can look at that as abuse, or I can look at that as a story about abuse, which I had an opportunity on Friday, on that Friday, to see that. I had someone call me at work, and someone called me from Seattle, that's my superior, and was angry. And it felt like he was yelling at me, but he wasn't. But it's just, because we're musicians, it felt like he was yelling at me. So I got triggered and upset, and it took me a whole day to come down

[38:18]

and see through the story. He was right. And he was scared at the same time, because part of the way he was relaying it is through his own fear, which, because of the abuse, and because of the story, I didn't see it at first. It took me some time to see that my story prohibited me from actually seeing the person on the other side, and that he was right. Well, it wasn't so much that your story prohibited you, but the way you responded to your story. Yes. Interfered, yeah. The way you responded inhibited your ability to understand. Luckily, I didn't say anything to him, I just said, yes, yes, yes, and had enough time to process it and to realize the next day that I could really approve it. Because what I want to, how I would like to operate in the world to be of help, to be, how can I help this man?

[39:20]

I could see his position, I could see his fear, and I wanted to help him, and I actually came up with a solution, came up with a solution to help him, and was very happy, it worked out very well. But it was the story and how I related to that story of abuse that had to go kind of off, right? There was something left over in there. And it's more, I'm beginning to see more situations in life that the mess in the head, I call it, the clutter in my mind is going on. Lucky I don't say anything, or someone's not around for me to say anything. I consider that being very lucky. And then if I had an opportunity to process it, to look at it, and see, again, my own

[40:23]

relationship to what happened a long time ago, of either somebody got it wrong, or, you know, all kinds of different stories, essentially. And then at some point, I can see how I can be in another person's shoes at least at some point, and see that. Not take things personally, essentially. And the response that comes when I cease to see things personally, the response that comes is that of either being helpful directly, or being helpful indirectly, in a way, or being an adult in a situation that I wasn't intending to be. I wouldn't be if it didn't happen right away. That time wasn't really necessary. That story reminds me of Buddha. I'm way so good. Being effective, but it's...

[41:29]

I can see more situations like that in my life, but I'm not sure I have an opportunity to see it. And it really related to what she was saying about the car and driving faster and being more slowing down and more present. Essentially, really, like a shift happens when I slow down. It's just like I'm in a different world. All of a sudden, I'm relaxed, and I'm beginning to enjoy it. And, you know, I'm just going to have to go fast enough to get somewhere on time. It's just insane, you know. Sometimes I really... I was struck by one of the things you said when you said, I was very lucky that no one was around. That also reminded me of the story

[42:33]

because he was very lucky. The yogi was very lucky because he spent a lot of time when nobody was around. So he could be... He was having his stories there out in the woods, right? But nobody was around so he could work on his stories rather than have to, you know, talk and get distracted from his work. So it was very lucky that he could have nobody around a lot. So we need some time when nobody is around so that we can check ourselves out. We can check these stories out. Not just the stories, but also the story of our response to the story. To see, how was that? How do I feel about that? Why am I upset about that afterwards? And so on. Rather than have somebody around right afterwards and then we don't have a chance to look. Aside from the trouble we get into,

[43:35]

we need some time to look at our stories. So I... I hope that if you've been given this opportunity to have some time when nobody is around, or even if someone is around where they are letting you look at yourself, that they are being quiet, that they are giving you some solitude. Rilke said that I think he said maybe he said something like this, but forget about Rilke and just say a spiritual marriage is a marriage where the partners are protecting each other's solitude. That you let the other person be quiet. But that's the same in just friendship, a spiritual friendship is one where you let your partner, you let your friend be as though there weren't anybody around so that they can work on themselves. So they can study themselves. So when we're together,

[44:37]

let's try to help the other person and maybe ask them to help us too. Yes? I have to tell you a story. You have to tell me a story? Yes. Would you tell it loud so Nancy can hear? Sure. I think it was last week. Last week we had the class and we got in our car and we were driving and we go down Ashby and we go to get on the expressway and there's a car and the car is in front of us and there's cars moving by and we're going along and we're trying to get over into the lane the next lane over but we can't because there's a car in front of us and they're going kind of slow.

[45:42]

And we're standing there and we can't get around and we're like, boy, this person they're really going slow. Who is this person? We go around and it's you. I'm sorry. You never got home? No, we got home. You couldn't go the usual way? No, we just couldn't pass you. Pardon? You did pass me? We did. You did not or you did? You did pass me. It was dangerous passing you. It was dangerous. That was the G-rated version of the story. I have a story.

[46:47]

I used the computer at the local library and I used the computer at the local library where I live and at the very end of the series of computers there's the last computer and then one more which kind of sticks out that way so it's always a tight squeeze and I came in and I looked to the left where someone was sitting and someone was sitting to the right of me and I said hello to the person on the left because I knew that it was going to be hard to get in and I wanted him to be aware of me and he just looked at me and didn't say hello not even a tiny smile and I vaguely remembered once before that this person, this man didn't respond when I said hello and seemed angry so then I sat down

[47:50]

and I kind of rolled forward, the chairs are on rollers and then maybe I backed up a little to square myself off and all of a sudden there's this loud yelp and I turn around to my left and he said you pinched my elbow in between the two chairs and he was really in pain he seemed really in pain and I said I'm so sorry and then he looked at me and he said did you do that on purpose? and I got angry and I said how could you even ask a question like that? Would you do something like that on purpose? and then he got up and he went to the librarian he talked to her and after a while I got up and talked to her too because I was worried that he was going to say something that wasn't going to be quite like

[48:51]

it happened and she said well he's very upset he wants us to take the diamond notes and I said well you know he's very angry and the woman next to me on the right said the same thing and I told her exactly what I thought happened and I said you know maybe he's going to sue somebody because he wants to get something out of us and she said well don't worry he's not going to sue you, he'll sue the library and I said well I don't think he'll get in trouble either and she said well he's going to Kaiser now, he's going to see the doctor I even asked him I said well can I do anything to help you before he went to the librarian and he just ignored me, he was very very angry and it was very unpleasant it was really really unpleasant but then you know I was thinking was there

[49:53]

some ill will on my part because when I sat down and said hello to him he just didn't respond his face was like a stone sculpture and you know did I push the chair back too suddenly, I mean I certainly didn't say in my letter but pinched this guy's elbow in between chairs and causing pain it was very unpleasant he could have been a drunken king a drunken what? king but but I thought about it a lot, I just couldn't let it go and think oh well there's just another angry person because I did touch his elbow I did bump his elbow ...

[51:00]

I was reading the obituary in the New York Times last week by Elizabeth Taylor and in the obituary there's a story that Joan Rivers who's a comedian told that she'd been making jokes at Elizabeth Taylor's expense as she got older and put on weight her most famous joke was that Elizabeth Taylor had more chins than the Chinese phone book that got a lot of damage and then she wrote a story that when Elizabeth Taylor heard that joke she said that doesn't touch me where I live and I heard that same phrase in her story and also Joan Rivers when she heard that response Elizabeth Taylor immediately became her idol for life so I guess one question that comes up for me in that story is where do you live? and it does remind me of the passions of Christ in this story

[52:23]

it's got that same approach to it and but we don't see unlike Christ we don't see the yogi struggling with faith in this situation and I'm just curious about the thoughts about faith in that story is that another way of saying patience in this case about where you live? I didn't quite follow is faith another synonymous with patience in this context, in the Buddhist context well I guess he his faith is patience patience is what he trusts he lives in the heart of believing that that's that's the way he wants to live is to respond patiently to whatever

[53:23]

happens, he believes in that but is he being patient with sort of the ignorance and the delusion and the hatred that came in this situation is it patience with others delusion or hatred or slander towards you yes patience with that yeah definitely okay or patience with your thought that he's deluded like this king is intoxicated powerful deluded frightened okay that's what I think about the king and I feel uncomfortable when I think or stupid I might feel uncomfortable if I think that about somebody I might think they're not worthy of my friendship they're not worthy

[54:24]

blah blah blah but again another thing that Enrica said was that she didn't take it personally so as I mentioned in the Diamond Sutra when the story is quoted the Buddha said the reason why I didn't lose my patience with this king is that I didn't feel like I didn't take it personally I didn't feel like he was separate from me and his stupidity and his fear and his intoxication and his possessiveness and his being threatened by my powers and his possessiveness of his harem I didn't think how disgusting because I saw the king was me like I know how you feel so Diamond Sutra is saying the Buddha was saying I know how you feel man you think I took your harem

[55:24]

away from you I know how you feel but this story didn't emphasize that he could see this person with himself but still he was patient with you see the patience is key to realizing this person who is doing this thing which you think is not so good or this thing you think is stupid or degrading you can still think that that the person is harming themselves but the thing is you don't think that somebody other than you is harming themselves and the patience will help you not just not get angry at the person and wish them well but something even more completely enlightened of realizing that this is yourself you're meeting and this is a difficult situation to meet yourself and help yourself but that's sort of the ultimate point

[56:26]

of patience is to realize that the thing we're being patient with is ourself all the time that our inner pain our inner confusion and other people's pain and confusion, that's who we are we're nothing in addition to any of that but if you don't practice patience it's really hard to realize it if we can't like be there in the interface between two things that are really completing each other because it's really difficult at that point sometimes somebody's driving too fast somebody's driving too slow that's a hard place to be it's a hard place to be patient but if we can be patient we can realize that who we're talking to is ourself that who's talking to us that who's accusing us that who's abusing us is ourself

[57:27]

and it doesn't mean that we don't come back with some appropriate response to this thing which both parties may call abuse we might, but that the response would be the response of a person who is realizing that they're talking to themselves but we've got to be we've got to be able to be here to have that realization if it's theoretical and we're off to the side it doesn't count to actually come and take your seat and then do it we need patience I think it's very hard to you can talk about what it's like to look at someone else and see that it's not so for ourselves but I think that's it's not like being in that state I think

[58:28]

and so for me the story is not really about abuse it's more it's more it has to take this radical mean situation to kind of like shake us out of trying to kind of get off the hook or try to rationalize like the stories we've told and the stories I could tell are all ones that are like I have these incredible dramas about things that are not really abuse anywhere near that but I still treat it like abuse and it's still so difficult to not get angry or be patient so to have a story that has such an extreme what most of us would say extreme border it becomes like you can kind of say oh he was just really patient or he was in this place and he understood that he wasn't separate but we really can't kind of like grasp that so it has to

[59:29]

the nature of the extreme situation causes us to be amazed kind of I think and to kind of inquire like how could that be, what is patience you know because that's not the patience I am that's like what kind of patience is that, what kind of situation is that so that's kind of what I think of I don't feel so horrified by it or I don't see it as a marking I see it more as like a conundrum that kind of makes me say what is that usually whenever you bring up patience I hate it you hate it yeah I was doing fine in the class and then to bring up patience every single time I had a head fall

[60:32]

I just had a hole in the road and I've been looking at that tonight what that is and I think the way I've understood patience and maybe I don't understand it that way but I've understood it as having the quality of waiting for something so on patience when I hear patience it's like alright, alright, alright I'll be okay with it but what I'm hearing tonight what I'm thinking about tonight is is patience really another way of what you talked about in the past when you talked about welcoming what is because when you talk about when you bring that up in the class I'm thrilled, I'm delighted I love that idea but the idea of being patient seems always like there's an argument a built-in argument to the work called something's happening I want it to stop happening and so I have to apply this band-aid called patience

[61:33]

Can I say something just for a moment? Can I say something for a moment? Can you hear her? Would you speak up a little bit? I can hear you but I just wanted people You're talking in my direction Could you speak up a little bit? Okay Okay Did you have a You asked me a question, right? Sort of? Yeah Before I answer your question Did you want me to call on you before I respond to that? So First, the first practice is welcoming The first practice is you know say thank you to it The next practice is to be careful of it The next practice is patience You can welcome the thing but not be totally there with it You can let it in the door

[62:34]

wholeheartedly let it in but not feel now that I let it in I'm responsible to really be here with it The patience is like to be there with it after you have allowed it Your first response was not to push it away So now you can practice patience If you push it away you're going to have a hard time practicing patience because you're not in the neighborhood of the thing Patience is like to be completely there and not to think of the future So the previous two practices are generosity and ethics being very careful of what it is that you're practicing patience with inwardly or outwardly or what you're going to practice patience with and there's nothing to do with waiting because you're actually doing the thing that you've been waiting your whole life to do

[63:34]

so to speak until you practice patience you're waiting to do it now you can do it, now you can be there with this moment but you have to let it in the door first and so you don't have a problem being gracious, it's difficult but you understand it and I don't think it's just a problem of being careful it's difficult but you understand it so the patience isn't then waiting, the patience is now let's really sit there with it, let's be still and that sets up our energy to then practice the concentration Was there another hand over in that neighborhood? Yes? Oh, excuse me I'm sorry Is that okay? Yes? After the tsunami and earthquake in Japan

[65:01]

apparently the Russian mob was making fun of the Japanese people that were in the evacuation centers because they were very orderly and they were still recycling so he was mocking them for being stupid and this really got me going I was very angry and several weeks before somebody told me that he was mocking the Chinese president, he was angry that America even recognized him with having a state dinner for him and so after his latest remark I was I was very angry and upset and I actually, you know, I knew I was violating the precepts of what I was thinking about, what should be done with him and then coming here and hearing about patients I was going Jesus

[66:02]

this is really hard but hearing what Tracy said and what John said and what Amita is saying I think it's been very helpful to try and deal with this as you told me was before racism is going to be there after I die and after you die I'll have to learn how to deal with it is not the word but I have to learn yeah racism was present at the time of the Buddha, it's still present the Buddha spent her life responding appropriately to racism that was the Buddha's contribution to this world is to show again and again an appropriate response to racism to violence to other kinds of prejudice in Indian society

[67:07]

he couldn't stop it but he showed a way to respond to it and we we have a potential here of eventually drawing everybody into this appropriate response then maybe there won't be any racism then when everybody is practicing but until then all this stuff is challenging us to come up with the appropriate response challenging us to see how could Rush Limbaugh be me how could Rush Limbaugh be me how could I say I know how you feel the guy is in pain you know he takes pain, he overdoses on painkillers right and then when you take too many painkillers

[68:10]

you don't care what you say because you are so high on your painkillers so you just all this unconscious stuff comes out because you are so free of pain I can say whatever I want Elena I've been thinking about the word impeccability yes I've been thinking a lot about the word impeccability can you hear that louder please she's been thinking a lot about the word impeccability in part because I picked up a book by Castaneda and of course Don Juan says

[69:11]

that sorcerers their behavior is impeccable and that's somehow it stirs something moving to me I don't want to go far afield but recently I saw a movie called Kinamant with a Chinese actress called Vivian Wu and it was her behavior it almost brings tears to my eyes thinking because I thought it was a high state she was in a high state of impeccability and I am sure that one may be the main ingredient of behaving in an impeccable way with patience impeccable has the root of ped foot or stepping

[70:12]

impeccable means not tripping so in order to be impeccable we have to look inwardly so we don't trip up on ourselves and it's hard to look inwardly and see all this confusion but be with it so we don't trip on it so these people who are impeccable are people who know about their own confusion it's not people who have no confusion it's they've learned to be aware of it so they don't keep tripping on it and then it inspires you to learn to be impeccable by doing the same practice Bill is impeccability like the number pi or can you actually get there? is impeccability like what?

[71:16]

the number pi or can you actually get there? I don't know but I would like to try even if I'll never get there may our intention equally extend to every being and place with the true merit of Buddha's way beings are numberless I vow to save them delusions

[72:09]

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