What we just recited was a vow written by a 13th century teacher of the Buddhadharma, sometimes called a Zen master. And this is his vow and his expression of wanting us to hear the true Dharma so that we, together with all beings, can attain the Buddha way. In other words, attain the way of enlightenment and freedom and peace. That's his vow, and he goes into some details about practices associated with his vow. So I can imagine that this ancient teacher wrote this vow and perhaps quite frequently remembered this vow and lived it, felt it moment by moment.

[01:19]

And that when he sat in meditation, which he emphasized the practice of sitting meditation. as the central form of practice. So I asked you when you were sitting, is that sitting that's happening here, is this an expression of your vow? I imagine Dogen when he's sitting, that he's sitting expressing this vow that we may hear the true Dharma, The sitting is an emblem or an expression, an assertion of the commitment to the vow that all beings together will attain the Buddha way. He used the sitting to express the vow and he used the vow as the way of sitting.

[02:28]

The way he's sitting is this vow. And I also want to mention the English word vow means a sincere, earnest promise to perform specific acts or behave in a certain manner, especially a solemn promise to live and act in accordance with the teachings of a religious order. Vow also means a declaration or an assertion. That's the noun. The verb is to promise solemnly, to pledge, or to make a pledge or a threat, to undertake something, to make a vow, to promise. And the root of the word is vovere, which means Latin, which means to vow.

[03:29]

Synonyms promise, covenant, engage, plight, declaration, and so on. That's the English word. The Chinese word, and there's a Sanskrit word too, but I'll just mention the Chinese word that's used for vow, or one of the Chinese words used for vow. It means to vow, but it also means to pray. or to a petition, or to desire, or hope, or beg, or implore, or request, or be willing, and also aspiration. So the word that they use in Chinese for this phenomena, and I'll look at the Sanskrit next, but it means not just an expression of willingness or wishing to do something or wishing things to be a certain way, but actually kind of a prayer or a request that they be so.

[04:46]

So may we, we vow, may we vow, may we be such and such a way. So people often ask me, I don't know often, but people have asked many times, does prayer have any place in the Dharma practice in Buddhism? And I say, well, actually, in Zen, in a way, our sitting is our prayer. It's the physical form of our prayer is sitting. And we sit quietly. So actually, our silence is a form of prayer. Some other forms of practice within the tradition of the Buddha also use the sitting posture. as a physical form in which prayers are offered.

[05:53]

But often in some other schools, they speak either in their head or out loud while they're sitting. And they say various things like special, what are called mantrams, which specifically try to invite or request certain forms of beneficence to come or to arise. So for example, in Tibet, many Tibetan people spend a good deal of their day saying, om mani padme hum. They say padme for Padma, om mani padme hum, homage to the to the lotus-born one, or to the jewel in the lotus. It's a mantra to invite, to invoke, to beseech compassion to come into our lives, to come into the life of the practitioner, so that the practitioner can share the great compassion with all beings.

[07:08]

And in Soto Zen, we do the same thing, except we don't say anything. invite compassion to take root in our body, speech, and mind in every action of our life. And we also offer our action, our posture, to the realization of compassion. If I ask you when you're sitting, Is this sitting an expression of your vow that might stimulate you to look to see what vow is in you when you're sitting? Is there a vow there? You could have a vow to sit still, or you could have a vow to be calm. There could be a vow. that could be your life vow, to be calm.

[08:16]

But you could also have a life vow, like a bodhisattva, which is to sit for the welfare of all beings, to be calm for the welfare of all beings, to be quiet for the welfare of all beings, to be noisy for the welfare of all beings, to be compassionate for the welfare of all beings. This is more of a bodhisattva vow. I don't mean to force you into the bodhisattva vows, Because as I think I mentioned before, some people who come to practice Zen are not yet ready to actually wish to devote their life, to live their life for the welfare of all beings. I don't want to push you into feeling like you should do that. But I ask you, is that vow in you yet? And when you're sitting in meditation, is this sitting saying quietly, may this sitting benefit all beings.

[09:21]

I would suggest that it may be true, it may work out, that if you look inside to see what your vows are, you may be able to find a vow. And whatever the vow is, if you keep looking at it, it may turn out that in the end that's what the vow is. It may not sound like that at the beginning. For example, you might just find the wish to be calm for a little while, the wish to be at peace for a little while. You might find that. And if you keep looking at that, eventually I think you'll notice that your vow is to live together in peace and harmony with all beings and help all beings realize that. I think you might find that. It may take innumerable lifetimes to find it, but I think that's what you'll find eventually. It's just an idea I have. I also had the thought that we are more or less suffering.

[10:34]

or to put it another way, is that we are living together in all suffering. We are living together in the midst of all suffering. We're living together in the midst of all sentient beings. Therefore, we're living in the midst of all the different kinds of suffering. That's what we're already doing. And we're more or less open to that. And sometimes we feel maybe more open to it than we can stand. Some of us feel that way sometimes. And we would like to be less open. Some people are very sensitive, and they can just barely stand it. I remember this beat poet named Lew Welch. He's one of the beat poets.

[11:40]

And one of his poems was about walking down the streets of San Francisco. And he saw this... I saw a black man sitting on the steps of some house, crying, with his face in his hands. And he said, in his poem, he said, If I see one more thing like that, I'm out of here. I can't stand to see one more person like that. And then shortly after he wrote the poem, he disappeared. People think probably he just took a walk into the Sierras, you know. But he was never found. Or a walk into the desert in Nevada. You know, he practiced Zen at the San Francisco Zen Center, too.

[12:43]

Very sensitive person. And he just couldn't stand to feel all this suffering. So, anyway, we're all living in the middle of it, and so may I dare to say that Shall we, like bodhisattvas, choose to live here in the midst of all suffering for the great treasure of benefiting beings? Since we're in suffering anyway, should we choose to be in it for a good reason? That's the question. Or like Safeway says, since we're neighbors, shall we be friends? We're neighbors with suffering beings, shall we choose to be with them or not?

[13:51]

To be or not to be? Lew Welch said, not to be. So I'm really very happy to be contemplating sitting meditation as a vow. It's okay to sit and try to be still and try to be calm, that's fine. So you could say, sitting still and calmly as vow, as living the vow, as a life of vow, as a moment-by-moment prayer, as a moment-by-moment expression of a desire,

[15:12]

And I'll just say a little bit right now with the instruction or with the information that all Buddhas have practiced that way. That they practice sitting meditation, or walking meditation, or standing meditation, or reclining meditation. They practice with the body. calmly, with presence, and they've made all their postures, all their meditations, expressions of vow. They didn't just get calm to experience the happiness and bliss of calm. They did get calm and serene, but that serenity was an expression of their vow, and their vow was expressed by the serenity. If they were ever not serene, which at some point in their practice they weren't, still, the vow was the basic thing that was being carried forward in the practice.

[16:35]

In the Lotus Sutra, which is one of the great scriptures of the universal vehicle, there's a chapter called the Eternal Life of the Buddha. And in that chapter, the Buddha teaches that although it appeared in the world, I said this last week, I think, a little bit. It appeared in the world that the Buddha appeared in the world and that the Buddha was actually born as a bodhisattva. The Buddha was born as a bodhisattva and then evolved during one lifetime to be a Buddha. But he was a bodhisattva in many past lives, too. But in this final life he became a Buddha. And he was a bodhisattva until he became a Buddha. And then as a Buddha, he went into what's called parinirvana, or perfect, complete peace, and then was not reborn anymore.

[17:52]

There was no more bodhisattvas after the Buddha in that particular lineage of evolution. He introduced this dharma into the world and then let us disciples of him carry it on." So he says in the Lotus Sutra, he says, that actually was not really true, what you saw there of the Buddha coming, becoming enlightened, teaching and going away. That really is not true. I'm actually always here. I was here, or not I was here, but Buddha is here before I was Buddha and after I disappeared. This is actually just a skillful presentation to help people, because some people will not practice unless they see a Buddha. So Buddha appears for them to see. And some people won't practice if the Buddha stays, so the Buddha goes. And then after the Buddha goes, they start practicing. So the coming and going of

[18:54]

enlightening beings or enlightened beings is all for the sake of helping people. And some people just don't get with the program unless they can see one. So we have them appear. And some, even that's not enough, so we take them away. And in their grief, they sober up and start practicing. So this is all for the welfare of beings. But actually, the Buddha is always available. I, Shakyamuni Buddha, am always available, and also many other Buddhas are always available. But not in the appearance-disappearance mode, but in the spiritual, meditative mode. All Buddhas are available to you all the time if you practice a certain way. And that way of practicing is a way of practicing as vow. So at the end of that chapter, in the verses, the Buddha says, those who practice all virtues.

[20:04]

And I like the interpretation of practicing virtues means practicing virtues in an ordinary sense, of practicing giving, ethical discipline, patience, diligence, and concentration. It means that. But it doesn't just mean that. It means practicing that in the midst of all suffering. It means entering the mud and getting dirty, entering the water and getting wet. It means living for the benefit of others. in the midst of all their suffering. However, it does not mean living in their suffering the way they're living in their suffering, but living in their suffering in a way that will show them how to live in their suffering, in a way that they will be able to see Buddha, and in a way that you will be able to see Buddha.

[21:18]

So it's living in the mud, living in the water, getting wet with all beings, but not just practicing that way, but being upright, being honest, being soft and flexible, and harmonizing body and mind, and harmonizing with all the suffering beings, and with all the Buddhas. But first of all, harmonize with the suffering beings by being with them, since you are. Reiterate the obvious, which we can ignore. We can ignore that we're living in the middle of all suffering. Nothing against Lew Welch, but anyway, I don't think he learned how to be upright.

[22:25]

I don't think he learned how to be soft and flexible. I think he was honest. But I don't think he learned how to be upright. I think he leaned into the suffering. I think he stuck his head into it. and got twisted, or I think you try to get away from it in the end, trying to avoid it. If we try to avoid suffering, it's perfectly normal that we'll do that. And if we try to avoid suffering, just like we see other people trying to avoid suffering, We're there with them. We're with all the people who are trying to avoid suffering. We're with them as they're causing more suffering by trying to avoid suffering. We're with them while they're causing more suffering by fighting the suffering, or by trying to make the suffering worse as a way to get away from it. All the things people do, we're with them.

[23:27]

But also, we're not leaning into their suffering or away from their suffering. And we're doing that for their welfare. And we're harmonizing with all their suffering for their welfare. And we're being honest about our suffering and their suffering for their welfare. And this is the way of sitting and standing in the middle of all beings with this vow, with this wish, with this request, with this prayer, and with this promise. And I promise, I commit myself, my life, to continue to live in the middle of suffering, and to continue to live

[24:29]

for the benefit of others. And I think the way that's beneficial for others is for me to be there in such a way that I will see the Buddha. And they can see how I'm sitting, how I'm walking. And if they see that, and they see me seeing Buddha, they may be able to practice that way, because they're also in the middle of suffering. And they will be able to see Buddha. Practicing in this way, we will see Buddha. And you will be the Bodhisattva Vow.

[25:35]

Living the Bodhisattva Vow, you will see Buddha. Practicing this way, you will see Buddha, and you will live the Bodhisattva Vow. Practice this way, you will live the Bodhisattva Vow, and you will see Buddha. And other beings will learn to do this. And you're doing this not so that you can see Buddha, but so that other beings can see Buddha. To help them, you learn it first. Sitting upright in the midst of all suffering with no expectation. And, just by coincidence, on the back of this robe it says, soft and flexible, harmonious, honest and upright.

[27:03]

This is the Chinese for the Lotus Sutra. Some people went to Japan and brought it back and gave it to me. And I think they bought it in a store. And while they were in Japan, they had Suzuki Roshi's son do this calligraphy. So Suzuki Roshi's son chose this out of the Lotus Sutra and wrote it on the back here. So his... What? The first character means soft, flexible, meek. could almost be translated as surrender. Soft, flexible. And also this character, which means soft and flexible, is sometimes put together with the character for mind or heart.

[28:05]

And this flexible mind or flexible heart is the mind or heart that is willing and ready, you could say, and vows to let go of body and mind, to drop body and mind, and thus enter into the actual process of saving beings. If we're holding on to our body, it's hard to hold hands with other people. So we kind of let go of our body and mind, and having this soft mind and body, we're actually, we're willing to, even before we do, we're willing and vowing to let go of our body and mind so that we can join hands with other people and walk through suffering with them for their welfare. But if we're holding on to our body and mind, it's hard for us to embrace all beings and show them how to hold hands with us, which means they have to let go of their body and mind to take our hand.

[29:18]

And sometimes people are willing to do that. They're holding on to something, but if someone reaches out a hand, it's empty. They sometimes drop what they've got to join that hand. That's the vow. That by us letting go and opening up, someone would see that and they would let go and open up and join us in the letting go and opening up and joining and letting going. So more and more beings are drawn into this process of liberation. In the Samdhinirmocana Sutra, the sutra in which the Buddha kind of unlocks or reveals his deep intentions in teaching, in the ninth chapter, the Bodhisattva of infinite compassion, Avalokiteshvara, asks the Buddha,

[30:35]

Why is it that among all births in samsara, or birth and death, the bodhisattva's birth is known as the most excellent? I kind of don't like the question in a way, and I don't like the idea that the bodhisattva's birth is the most excellent, but I'm kind of coping with that now, that the bodhisattva's birth is the best. And why is it the best? Avalokiteshvara, this is because of four aspects, or four reasons. I think this is number one. Bodhisattvas establish exceedingly good roots of virtue, and after individually investigating, they appropriate what is learned, they have compassion that protects all beings, and they do not have afflictions themselves, so they can help others overcome their afflictions.

[31:51]

They learn how. They've learned how to go into all suffering and not have afflictions in the middle of the suffering by being upright and flexible. And by being flexible, they drop off their body and mind and harmonize. And they're honest about the suffering, but they're not clinging to their pain or pleasure because they have this soft mind that wants to let go so that they can show other beings how to overcome their suffering. The way they are with suffering is they're not really afflicted by it. They don't possess or dispossess it. They drop off the suffering equipment. The equipment of suffering is dropped off because they have this willingness to let go. And they thereby can show other beings how to do the same.

[32:57]

That's why the Bodhisattva birth, birth to be such a person, is considered the best. And some of these people will become Buddhas in some lifetime, if that's helpful. Otherwise, they just keep being reborn, re-entering suffering, over and over, and over and over again, learning how to be in suffering in such a way as to show other people how to be in suffering such that they become free of it. This kind of birth, for that reason, is considered excellent. And then the next question after that, that the Bodhisattva of Infinite Compassion asks the Buddha is, Why is it that bodhisattvas progress by way of extensive vows, by way of auspicious vows, and by way of the force of vows?

[34:03]

And another translation, this from Tibetan, from Chinese. The question is, to the Buddha, world honored one, Why do Bodhisattvas, why do you say that all Bodhisattvas produce? So the first one said, they progress. The Tibetan says, how come you say that they progress by means of these vows? Now the question is, why do you say that they produce? that all bodhisattvas produce expansive vows, wondrous vows, and superior vows. Another translation from Chinese is, why does the Buddha say that all bodhisattvas carry out far-reaching vows, marvelous vows, and excellent vows? Same question three times. And the Buddha says, for four reasons.

[35:11]

The four reasons are Bodhisattvas are skilled with regard to the blissful state of nirvana. That's the first reason. Second, they are able to quickly attain nirvana. That's the second. Third is they're able to give up both the quick attainment and the peaceful state of nirvana for the benefit of sentient beings. And the fourth reason is they wish to undergo for a very long time the manifold sufferings that arise without cause and without purpose. Or they wish to undergo for a long time, for a very long time, the manifold sufferings of all beings that arise

[36:19]

without cause and without purpose. In other words, with aimless love and aimless generosity. They wish to plunge into the sea of suffering without any agenda. They're doing it for the welfare of all beings. So you could say, well, that's their purpose. But when they actually dive in, they give all beings and themselves a big field where they're practicing love with no expectation, with no agenda, with no memory even of what they're doing there. And so that's the reason I say that they're that they progressed by vow.

[37:23]

Connecting this back to Zen practice, this person, this A.H. Dogen says, the sitting meditation I teach is not concentration practice. although we're concentrated, it's not concentration practice. It is simply the Dharma gate of repose and bliss. The first two reasons that Bodhisattvas progress by vow, that they practice by vow, that they live by vow. The first two reasons are that they know well how to enter the state of repose and bliss.

[38:30]

Repose and bliss is a nickname for nirvana. They know well how to enter nirvana, and they can do so quickly. Because they know how to enter nirvana and they can do it quickly, that's two of the reasons for them being willing and wanting to live by vow, to live in this world. You could say, they know they can get out anytime they want to, that's why they're willing to live here. They actually do practice, a practice which is repose and bliss, which is nirvana. They know how to practice in such a way that they know how to attain peace and bliss, and they also know how to do it quickly, and because of that, and with that, they give away this state of bliss. and giving away the state of bliss, they wish then, they don't just give away the bliss after they give it away, they wish now to enter into all suffering for the welfare of all beings.

[40:11]

Another translation is, all bodhisattvas are well able to realize the happiness of abiding in nirvana. That's one. Number two, they can do it quickly. They can realize it quickly. Three, yet they give it away. They renounce it. They renounce the rapid realization of repose and bliss. And without cause or necessity, they produce a mind of great vow because they desire to benefit all beings. They remain among great suffering of various kinds for a prolonged time." So one version of Zen practice is you sit, and you immediately attain nirvana, you're sitting, which is the dharma gate of repose and bliss.

[41:35]

And because you know so well how to practice that way, you give it away. And you wish now that you've entered nirvana and given it away, you wish now to live with all suffering beings for their welfare, more or less forever, until they're all liberated. And so practicing meditation in this way is, I would say, practicing as the bodhisattva vow, or living the bodhisattva vow in, for example, the sitting posture. And I might wonder, and you might wonder, well, do Zen students actually have an easy time entering nirvana when they sit?

[42:40]

And most of them probably would say, no, I don't have an easy time entering nirvana. So maybe we're talking about a subset of the Zen students, who we would call bodhisattvas. Some of the Zen students are bodhisattvas. Those are the ones who know well how to enter nirvana. They sit and they know how to immediately enter nirvana. Now, maybe before they immediately enter nirvana, they don't know how to immediately enter nirvana. So they're sitting there, and they're not entering nirvana. They're sitting, not entering nirvana. They're sitting, not entering nirvana. And then suddenly, someday, they suddenly, immediately enter nirvana. They stop resisting nirvana, which is always right there, completely accompanying samsara. It's always right there. They just stop resisting, and they're in nirvana.

[43:45]

because they're bodhisattvas, because they were born for the welfare of all beings. After they enter nirvana, they give it up. They give it away. And who do they give it to? They give it to the people who they now want to live with, all suffering beings. They also want to live with the Buddhas, but that's not the main point. The main point is, that they wish to live with all suffering for the benefit of the suffering beings. They joyfully do that. And part of their joy of doing that is connected with that they gave away the joy of peace and bliss of nirvana. They gave it away. And they know they can go back. And the way they go back is how? Huh? Did you say sitting? Yes, sitting, what? Yeah, by receiving the joy that comes from renouncing joy.

[44:53]

And also, you went like this when you did that, and your uprightness comes from receiving the joy of giving away the joy. Giving away the joy that comes from being upright, when you're upright, When you're upright, you feel this and you have this softness, you want to give away your uprightness and your softness, and your bliss. You want to give it away, and when you give it away, it lifts you up into uprightness again. So by being upright in the middle of the suffering, and being soft and giving it away, being upright and giving it away, being upright and giving it away, is also harmonizing. So all these things keep putting you back into uprightness and make you always on the verge of entering nirvana and always on the verge of plunging into all the different types of suffering. So practicing meditation in that way is practicing meditation as Bodhisattva vow.

[46:00]

And all Zen students are very close to being a bodhisattva in that way. But a slight resistance is sufficient to not feel upright, to not feel soft, and to not feel harmonious. And then you don't feel like you can easily enter nirvana. And if you can't easily enter nirvana, you're probably not ready to give it away. But when you can easily enter it, when you can enter it, and you know how, and you can do it easily and quickly, then you're also quite more in the mood of giving it away. And this condition is always very close. I shouldn't say it's close. It's not either near or far. It's right where you are, you might say, which isn't really close. One time Suzuki Roshi said, when I sit in meditation, he said zazen, when I sit in zazen, sometimes I feel like I can sit there forever.

[47:16]

And then he said, but when the bell rings, I get up and do walking meditation with everybody. Sometimes he entered nirvana when he sat. And when you enter nirvana, it's joyful and peaceful. And you feel like, hey, I can do this forever. This is like, I can do this forever. There's suffering all around, but I am joyful and at ease in the world of all suffering beings. And I can sit here with the world of suffering beings forever. But when the bell rings, I give it up and take a walk with everybody. Many Zen students, when they sit, they do not feel like they can sit forever.

[48:24]

They do not feel repose and bliss. And then a day comes, finally, when they feel it. And when the bell rings, they do not want to give it up and take a walk with those other people who haven't attained this yet. Understandable. But that's not the bodhisattva vow. That's just simply attachment to repose and bliss, which can happen. The bodhisattvas know how to taste repose and bliss. That helps them give it away, and that helps them be willing to live with all misery. And they're born for that purpose.

[49:27]

They're born to learn how to be peaceful and harmonious, and soft, and let go, and then plunge into suffering for the welfare of other beings. And they learn that. They learn how to sit upright, honest, soft, flexible, and harmonious where they are, which happens to be in the middle of all suffering. Everybody is in the middle of all suffering. Nobody's actually in the suburbs. People want to be, but that's not the Bodhisattva vow. The Bodhisattva vow is, except your assignment, you have been assigned to a particular central location in the ocean of all suffering beings. Each of you has that position. It's a different position, but it's the center.

[50:32]

Everybody's around you. you're being given a particular place to be in the middle of it all. You are. Everybody is. Now, who is willing to be there and do the practices so that they can be there? And so that they can give away the practices which allow them to be there, so that they can be with the people who don't know the practices and teach them, so that they can learn how to be there by finding a place of peace that they can give away. I'm very happy to talk to you about this and to be looking at Zen practice and Zen meditation as this kind of practice. Not about me getting calm, although that's fine, but about me getting calm so I can give it away. The perfection of concentration, the perfection of serenity, is to give it away.

[51:40]

And learning how to be calm helps you have calm to give away. Learning how to be peaceful and blissful, learning how to enter that state, helps you have it to give it away, and helps you have the courage to give it away. Discovering that you've been born with the vow, with the wish, with the intention to benefit all beings and to live with the people you're benefiting, rather than live someplace else and benefit them from a long distance, to benefit them up close, in the right relationship, to learn that that's what you're here for, and then realize, oh, I have to learn now how to be in the mood to do what I'm here for. I have to take care of myself so I can do my job, so I can stand the suffering of the people I want to help.

[52:46]

I have to take care of myself in a certain way. I have to learn how to enter nirvana. And as soon as I enter nirvana, that's enough. Now I can give it away. I can come back any time I want because I know how to practice nirvana entering. And nirvana is always right there next to my suffering. And nirvana is right next to everybody else's suffering. But in my case, I have my own nirvana, which I give away and help other people find theirs, which will help them give it away. Now, although we give away peace and bliss, As Roderick said, when you give away your peace and bliss, you get more bliss. You get a new dose of bliss, which again, you give away. So anyway, I'm very happy to have thought of this class and to think about Zen meditation this way.

[54:00]

I hope you're getting a glimmering about it. I know it's got a hand on the end of an arm connected to a body. Yes, Reed? Sometimes we talk about the suburbs of suffering as opposed to the downtown. Yeah, inner city. Is that distinction, is there no distinction? There's a distinction. Yeah. Well, when someone tastes repose and bliss and becomes a bodhisattva, do they get on a subway and head for downtown, the downtown of suffering? Or do they stay in the suburbs because there's no distinction between the suburbs and the downtown? Bodhisattvas are vowing to live downtown. They're vowing to live in the inner city. There isn't really any suburbs.

[55:07]

The suburbs are surrounding the inner city. There's people suffering in the suburbs, too. But to want to be away from the center is a natural tendency for someone who does not know how to be upright, honest, harmonious, and soft. If you can't be that way, then you want to take a walk into the desert of Nevada to get away from it. Hopefully in the winter, because I think dying of freezing is more comfortable than dying of heat. It's a good way to go if you want to commit suicide. Freezing. because you feel warm. You start to pass out. When you get hypothermia, you feel warm for a while. And you have dreams of being by a fireplace as you're freezing to death.

[56:10]

That's what I've heard. And I myself remember getting close to hypothermia and feeling warm. And I know that's a signal that I should get out of the water. And I said, gee, I can stay here forever. This is really getting comfortable. Get out! So suburbs, there are suburbs, but the suburbs are surrounding the inner city. The Bodhisattvas in the inner city, connected to all the suburbs. The suburbs are just enhancing their sense of cooperation with all beings. But to want to get away from the inner city is what people who don't take care of themselves properly want to do. But it doesn't work, of course. So, in a sense, the suburbs are the people who, in a sense, are beyond your reach, maybe, in some sense, who you don't feel so close to.

[57:19]

But the wish to get away from the center of the flames is something to be generous about, to be kind to yourself about, and others who wish to get away from the center, to be kind to them. So when we see people trying to get away from the suffering, we should be kind to them. Open your hand to them. And then maybe as they're running away, they'll hold your hand, and then they won't run away quite so far. And if you want to run away, be kind to yourself and you won't run away too far. Does that make sense? Yes? If a bodhisattva to become the person who is inspired by this vow, they're not sure about Or they get inspired so they cannot hold on to their seed, and they just start.

[58:35]

They get inspired so they cannot hold on to what? Hold on to their nirvana. Yeah, hold on to nirvana. They don't hold on to nirvana, right. But then they grow, and then they burn out. So there's something wrong. If they burn out, that's because they're not practicing upright, harmonious, honest, and soft. Then you burn out. If you're in suffering and you don't practice that way, then you won't see the Buddha. And without seeing the Buddha, you're going to get scared in the middle of suffering. So you're going to try to, like, go to the suburbs. Because you're burning out. And you go to the suburbs by, you know, all kinds of addictions. But if we don't jump into the water, there's a tendency. We never learn how to swim. Right. We're in the water. We're already in the water. We're already in the water, but we feel like we want to get out, because we didn't think we chose to be in the water.

[59:43]

And if you're in the water and you want to get out, it does make it, generally speaking, harder to learn how to swim. But if you're in the water and you say, hey, I chose to be here, and since I'm here, I think I'd like to sign up for some swimming classes. But if you're in the water and you say, how did I get here? Whose fault? Who got me in here? How come me? How come I'm here? And other people maybe aren't in such bad water. Get into that. This is not upright. It's a little bit honest, but not really a little bit honest. At least you're recognizing you're in the water and you're trying to find somebody to blame, or even blame yourself, rather than not blame myself, praise myself for choosing to come here. And now I'm going to take swimming lessons. It's more how you can actually do it and not to get burned out, so by sitting upright. And knowing, and knowing the time that you really, you know, it's like... Knowing the time you're really... Excuse me, knowing the time you're really... My mind says that, well, there is no time.

[61:04]

Any time is a time. Okay, yeah. But what's the really? Knowing the time you're really... It's now. Now, what is it that you really know? What? That's the honesty part. There's the honesty part. I'm burned out. Honesty is necessary. I'm not upright. I'm not harmonious. I'm not relaxed. You need the honest there. That's this part of the vow. By revealing and disclosing your lack of faith before the Buddha, it melts away the root of transgression. That's the honesty part. I'm not relaxed. I'm tense. I'm not relaxed. I'm leaning various ways. I'm not upright. And I'm not harmonizing with all this suffering. I'm fighting it. There's honesty. Confess it before the Buddhas. Then you come back in. Find the practice again that you want to practice, that you got distracted.

[62:05]

And now you're back. And now you've given up the distractions, the worldly affairs. Now you're back. So being honest about being burned out, that's part of the thing. We need that, too. Because we're upright, and then we lean. We're relaxed, and we tense. Or we're relaxed, and we open to nirvana, and we hold on to it. Oops, I'm honest. I want to stay here a little bit longer, not quite give it up. The bell rang. No, no, I'm not going to get up and do walking meditation. I'm going to keep doing sit. I finally found nirvana. I'm not going to give it up now. Honesty. I do not want to get up and walk with those turkeys. OK? Good. Thank you. Now we can be generous with your clinging. And we can be generous when you burn out after you cling. OK? Then we're back. Now we can relax again and be upright.

[63:09]

Round and round. OK? And we're not just learning this wonderful nirvana realizing technique just to attain nirvana. We're learning how to enter nirvana, to have something to give away, and also so we can tolerate the work of living with all beings. We need it. And they need it. And we can have it. But it's good not to hold on to it for very long. And the quicker you get it away, the sooner it comes back. and then give it away. Farouk? You said something about... Farouk? Farouk? Yes, I said something about... Something about not leaning away from the suffering.

[64:16]

Or into it. Yeah, that's why we have this posture. This posture is to remind us how to be in suffering, how to be with our own, how to be with others. Well, can you imagine wallowing in suffering? Like, oh, I'm suffering so much... or you're suffering so much... Too much, you know. You're so into it, you're not even paying attention to it anymore. You're just making a lot of noise, and you're not really paying attention to it anymore. And you're actually using... you lean into it as a way to avoid it. Can you imagine that? Screaming and hollering. Like when I go swimming in the cold water, some people, they run into the water and make a lot of noise when they go in.

[65:22]

I try to go in and really feel it, feel the cold. It's very difficult just to feel it, [...] just really feel it. You sort of want to get going, get in there, get over this intense feeling coming. And it doesn't just come once, it comes again and again and again. And when you move into the water, it comes up into new parts of your body, just to feel the new feeling. Very difficult to stay right there with the new delivery of the new intense sensation. You kind of want to just get it over with, make a lot of noise, start swimming fast. In my case, another good reason for doing this is that I had a heart attack. If anybody goes into cold water, if you put your hand in cold water, your heart rate goes way up. If you put your face into cold water, it goes up even more. So if you go into cold water, your heart rate goes way up.

[66:23]

And if you also, at the same time that you go in, and your heart rate's going up, if you start paddling rapidly, that also makes your heart rate go up. So then your heart rate goes up really, really high all of a sudden, and it's hard to tell whether that actually is okay or not. Because then you start getting afraid, and then it goes up even more. And you can actually maybe get it going a little bit too fast, faster than it needs to, actually. So if I go in and I feel the cold and I feel the heart rate going up, I don't really wallow in it. I try to feel it step by step, moment by moment. I mean, I try not to wallow in it, and I try not to shrink back from it. And to find that uprightness in that intensity is just a wonderful challenge. And when you're with a suffering person, or other forms of your own suffering, it's very difficult to be upright with it, not try to get ahead of it, kind of like, you know, okay, let's have it, give it to me.

[67:31]

Well, it doesn't come that way, it comes its own way, but if you make a lot of noise, it seems like you can you can jump over it or get into it and not feel it all the little... And the same way if you're visiting some person who's sick or dying, to actually feel the moment by moment, it's difficult to be right there, you know? Did I tell you about the lady with the broken neck? No? So, one of my friends was a bicyclist and she broke her neck. And so I'm talking to her on the telephone, and it's very difficult to be right there with her. She's trying to be cheerful and, you know... But still, you know, I can feel it. Her whole life, she's a very athletic, super active woman. And now, her whole life is so different, you know. And she feels a lot of love and support, but also it's very difficult. And to be with her, and not lean into it, and kind of like get excited with her positive energy, just to stay right there with her, you know?

[68:40]

There's that place, and that balancing place, you can really stay, not stay so much, but you can be there, and be there, and be there. When you start leaning around, you start getting burned out. And then you want to get away. That's leaning back. Or you start by leaning back, and then you want to lean forward, or you want to go to the right. So this is the art of learning how to be in the mud. Are you getting some feeling for it? You're welcome. So is that the practice of real engagement or authentic engagement? Pardon? Is that the practice of authentic engagement? Authentic engagement, you can use that word for it. Well, thank you very much. Good night.

[69:41]

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