I was attracted to Zen Buddhism, the form of Buddhism which they call the Zen sect. I think I was attracted to it because of stories I heard. I didn't use the word love at the time for those stories. I used maybe the word more like the way to be or totally or like that's the best and the word love wasn't you know the word love wasn't in the stories that I heard about now I see that they were about love part of the reason why

[01:01]

the word love didn't appear and also why I didn't think of love as applicable was because the word love had a very narrow meaning for me. So it didn't occur to me. And so I was attracted to the behavior of these loving beings, these loving Zen monks usually, but sometimes just Zen people. And I wanted to be like them. So, but I, you know, I just wanted to be like them. And then somewhere after a long, in my life, I got the message that there was a training program, a training program in how to be a loving being.

[02:05]

Also, although I didn't think of it as love, I thought the reason why I wanted to be the way they were in those stories was because I felt like if I was like them, I would be happy and other people would be happy too. I felt like my relationships with people would be happy ones if I could behave according to whatever subtle principle there was stories. I saw that I would be relieved of my problems and also that would be partly because other people would be relieved of me mistreating them and they would also be relieved of mistreating me because in these stories it was like it went both directions the monk was maybe the central figure but the other people benefited by their behavior too everybody learned in these stories both sides in these stories were enlightened both sides

[03:19]

And one side at least was quite surprised. Sometimes the monk might have been surprised too, but maybe people didn't say so. But the other side was often very surprised by what the monk did. So the story which many of you have heard me tell over, there's two of them, but I'll just say one, was the story of a fairly poor Zen poet, monk, who lived in a small hut. And actually, I've seen pictures of the building. But it was pretty cute and in a nice location on a hillside overlooking the Japan Sea. But it was a humble abode, and it wasn't heated. And that area is called the snow country. So anyway, he was poor. And one night, it was a fall. he heard somebody kind of like creeping up to his house.

[04:24]

And he sensed the person was, you know, trying to get close to the house without the inhabitants knowing that they were coming. In other words, maybe a thief. So before they got into the house, he took all his possessions, including his clothes, and threw them out the window. He said, here, please take all my, possessions. And the thief took them. See, the thief probably was a little surprised, right? Awakened and surprised. Surprised to be awakened. Surprised to be loved. And then he says, going off with his loot, the monk... he called out and said, sorry, I can't give you the full moon, too. Which is kind of like a killer, right?

[05:35]

Coup de grace. Was it the pièce de résistance? My wife and daughter laugh at me whenever I try to say that. I thought, hey, if I could be like, if I could like, you know, give away all my possessions when somebody came to get them, plus try to give them everything else too. Sorry, I can't give the moon and the stars and the castles in Spain and everything, you know. But anyway, here, if I could be like that, I would be happy and everybody I met would be happy. And the way I want to be, I thought when I heard those stories. But how do you get to be like that? So then I heard, oh, these people, they all went to the same thing called health club.

[06:41]

They all had the same training program. What was the training program? Well, basically the training program was they sat down. They sat still. They explained where they were. and who they were. And that stillness and acceptance of who they are blossomed as this true love. Not only did I find those stories very attractive, but I also was, around the time I was hearing these stories, I was having some experiences which were making me feel kind of bad about not being that way.

[07:48]

So there's a combination of two things. One is seeing this possibility of love and how great that would be for everybody, or at least everybody in the neighborhood of that love, everybody that could feel it. But I was also having some kind of experiences which drove home and made me really ashamed of not being like that. One of those experiences was I had a... after I'd already started to, you know, around the time I started hearing these stories and actually started to practice the sitting a little bit, I lived in a kind of a slum. The reason why I lived there was because I could get really cheap housing. Like I got this really nice apartment in a slum.

[08:48]

for $75 a month. It was a big apartment. And it was a nice apartment, and then I fixed it up some more. So I had this really nice, big apartment in a slum. One day I was riding home to my nice apartment in a slum, and I drove by this bar, which was a block and a half from my house. And it was a Native American slum. A lot of Native Americans lived there. And outside this bar was lots of Native Americans who were and falling all over each other. And like some of them were like, you know, vomiting on the street and stuff like that. It was a very unhappy scene of suffering people who were like running away from their suffering with drugs. And as I drove by them in a little scooter and drove by them, this feeling arose in me of I don't want these people in my house. I don't want them to come down the street, up into my nice apartment, and fall all over each other and vomit on my carpet.

[09:53]

So I felt that, but then I felt really ashamed of myself. I felt really bad because I was reading these stories about these nice Zen people who don't have that kind of heart, or at least Maybe they sat in the middle of having a heart like that, accepted it, and then even the most selfish heart, this other heart, bloomed in that soil. Because they could sit there and accept. They could sit there and love themselves, even in their pettiness. And that love, even in the midst of their pettiness, blossomed as this great un-petty mind and heart. So the combination of the wonderful stories and being ashamed of my own heart, my own level of love, those two came together to make me want to really get into Zen practice. So I did, 32 years ago.

[11:01]

I'm still trying to be like those stories. I haven't quite got there yet, but getting closer, little by little. Brajesh, hi. Would you like to sit here? This is Brajesh. He's the director of the programs here. He wants to introduce you to Mount Madonna. How many people are here at Mount Madonna? Can I use your left? Yeah. Bye. As I was saying before, I think what attracted me to Buddhism through Zen was actually, as I said, stories of love, but the word love wasn't used.

[12:41]

And then I started to do this training program of sitting, and I would say that to sit still with what's actually happening and to sit still with it not in the sense of like holding yourself to what's happening or sticking your nose into what's happening but actually to be present with what's happening and actually accepting what's happening with you. for you or as you, but that is actually an act of love. So in some ways the kindest, most loving thing you can do for yourself is basically yourself be who you are right now.

[13:42]

I'm gradually more and more convinced who we are actually, what we actually are, what all of us are, is... is clarity, clear seeing and love. That actually that runs through, clear vision, wisdom runs through all of us all the time, every moment. And truth is going through us all the time. And it's going through us and it's also going through running through everything. And letting it blossom is the practice.

[15:08]

Discovering it. Understanding it. Understanding what you are is understanding what love is. What you actually are is love. And being still and being lovingly still reveals that being cruelly still is not really being still. To force yourself to be still is not real stillness. So the practice of love is to lovingly be still and to and to be kind to yourself, and allow yourself to be kind to yourself, and allow yourself to be who you are, because who you are is really lovable.

[16:25]

And also love is something that blossoms from that. So love both promotes us being what we are, and love is what we are. And when, somehow, when we practice that we allow ourselves to be what we are, then what we are becomes realized. If we are not kind to ourselves, if we're not loving to ourselves, somehow we can magically block and obscure this wisdom, this wise nature. We can somehow, we can create this sense that that's not really what's going on. And when we feel that that's not what's going on, we feel bad. And that is because it's not true, and we're out of sorts with ourself. So there's, you know, there's a lot of suffering when we fight what we are, when we fight against what we are.

[17:36]

And this happens when we're not fighting what we are, Okay. I also want to mention that I remember a wedding that my teacher, Suzuki Roshi, was conducting. I think it was a wedding. And I think he said to the couple that they should not only love each other, but they should respect each other and that was a little bit of a surprise to me. I think he almost said that respecting each other is almost more important than loving each other. To me, I guess before I heard that, the word respect was a little cold. Thinking of people getting married is kind of like

[18:43]

in the warmth, in the heat, of what I thought was love, something like respect would be kind of like, well, not that you disrespect the other person, but it was so cruel compared to, you know, other things that were happening. But anyway, I thought about that. I thought, well, my teacher's saying respect. That's interesting. In other words, I guess I had the idea that you could love someone And that respect would not be a big part of the love relationship. And I guess, as you know, it's common among some people that they say they love you or they say they love so-and-so, but they don't act like they respect so-and-so. You heard about that? You know, have you ever heard about it? What comes to my mind, actually, is... When the Russians came into Hungary, I think it was 1956, the Russians came into Hungary.

[19:52]

Do you know why they came? Do you know what their reason for coming was? They wanted to liberate the Hungarians. And why did they want to set the Hungarians free? Can you imagine? Why they thought they wanted to set the Hungarians free? Yes. Because they were suffering. But what was their reason for helping these particular suffering people? Well, you'll never guess it because it's the name of this retreat. They wanted to help them because they loved them. We're the Russians. We love the Hungarians. So we're coming to liberate you. And the Hungarians said, well, we appreciate your love, but we don't want you to liberate us. You can go back. You can take your tanks back to Russia. Thank you. If we're not liberated, we like it better this way. And the Hungarians said, you don't seem to understand.

[20:53]

We love you. So we're going to liberate you. So they did. They liberated them, even though they didn't want to be liberated. They forced the liberation on them. Some people do that. They think they love you, but they don't respect you. They don't listen to you. They think they know better than you, etc., right? Anyway, the Buddhist teaching of love is that love is not just this warmth that you feel. And it's certainly not lust. So what a lot of people call love, in Buddhism we would call lust. or greed. Well, lust and greed go fairly well with no respect. So some people say they love someone, but really they're just greedy for the person or greedy for some kind of a relationship.

[21:53]

They don't actually respect the person. What we call love in Buddhism in some sense has Well, first of all, what I just said was what we call loving Buddhism is actually... It's something that runs through everything. It's not something like that you... Some people have, and other people don't. Or some mountains have, and other mountains don't. It's the nature of all things, this kind of love. And in a human being... This love sometimes is presented as having four elements or four aspects. And those four elements or four aspects are, and once again before I say them, these are four elements or four aspects of being yourself.

[22:59]

These are four aspects of what it's like to just sit still or stand still and be what you are. There are ways of helping you understand what it means to be still and be accepting of what you are. So keep that in mind because they don't sound like that necessarily when you first hear them. The first one's called... sometimes love or loving-kindness or even friendship or friendliness. In Pali it's called metta and in Sanskrit it's called maitri. That's the first aspect of the Buddha's love, of an enlightened love, is loving-kindness And what that is, it's like the intention and the ability or capacity to confer happiness and joy upon oneself and others.

[24:25]

It's the intention or aspiration and the actual capacity and finally the actual activity of conferring happiness upon yourself and others, wishing that you yourself would be happy and at peace and joyful. So what I'm suggesting to you is that the way the Buddha is, in other words, the way one who understands who she is, is that she hopes that she will be happy and that she hopes that she will be joyful. It's natural and enlightened to be happy and joyful and at peace. It's also healthy.

[25:30]

It's also healthy. But it's enlightened. It means you understand what you are when you hope that for yourself. When you let yourself hope that you'll be happy, when you wish that you might be happy, you are enlightened a little bit, at least, when you think that way about yourself. That's why Buddha The great Buddhas, they actually wish that they themselves would be happy. They wish that they would be at peace. They wish that they would be joyful. They hope that for themselves. Why? Because it's natural. It's normal. It's what's happening, actually. Whether you can see it or not, you want yourself to be happy. And Buddhas aren't different from that. It isn't like Buddhas want themselves not to be happy.

[26:32]

They aren't like that. It also isn't that frogs want themselves to be unhappy. They don't. Mountains do not want to be unhappy. They want to be happy. Rocks want to be happy. Trees want to be happy. The sun wants to be happy. Everything in the universe wants to be happy. One time, who was one of Shakyamuni Buddha's students, his name was Pasenajit. He said to his wife, who loves you more than anyone else in the world? And she said, me. And she said to him, who loves you more than anyone else in the world? He said, me. And they had a good laugh.

[27:33]

King and queen. Sometime later, they told him about their conversation. He said, it's like that. All sentient beings actually love themselves more than anyone else loves them. It isn't that you love yourself more than you love others. But you love yourself more than anyone else loves you. That's not evil. That's what's happening. Even for the Buddha. Even for the Buddha. But some people don't let themselves love themselves a lot. Some people don't let themselves love themselves a big time. All out. like wanting the very best for themselves. Can you believe it? Some people say, can I actually wish myself like the best happiness and the greatest joy? Is that OK?

[28:35]

The Buddha said, yes. It's also OK to wish that for other people. Wishing it for yourself doesn't mean you shouldn't wish it for others. Wishing it for others doesn't mean you shouldn't wish it for yourself. This love is to wish yourself to be happy and everybody else to be happy. And it's not to wish yourself more than them or less than them. It's to wish yourself complete happiness and to wish them complete happiness. Those two do not contradict each other in our true enlightened nature. Now I want to parenthetically, and this is a huge parenthesis, mention to you that there is this thing called the thought of enlightenment, or the seed of enlightenment.

[29:42]

In Sanskrit it's called bodhicitta. It's the seed that makes a Buddha. And this seed is the wish enlightenment in order to help others. That's one way it's put. Or the altruistic wish to attain enlightenment. In other words, I wish to attain unsurpassed, complete, and correct enlightenment in order to help all other people. That is the thought that grows into being a Buddha. Another way to put it is, it is the wish to help others before yourself, not after.

[30:45]

Some people say, well, how about at the same time? It's actually the wish to help others before yourself. Now, if you think about that and you hear about practicing loving-kindness, they might sound contradictory, especially when you hear that the way to practice loving-kindness, this kind of love of wishing for yourself to be happy and wishing for others to be happy, is actually, the Buddha recommends, to start with yourself. To start practicing love towards yourself. yourself first practice love toward yourself first that's the person to start with have yourself be the first person on the block complete happiness too i say that does not contradict wishing to help others before yourself i would say actually

[31:56]

practicing loving kindness you start with yourself is not because you don't want to help others first it's just that it works best to start with yourself because if you skip over yourself you can't do it for them you have to learn on yourself and then practice it towards them And when you actually practice wish for yourself, when you actually let yourself be where you are and wish for yourself the very best happiness, when you're successful at that, when you really feel that you have wished yourself the very best and actually feel very happy,

[33:01]

when you feel very happy and feel that you've allowed yourself to be very happy when you feel completely happy and you also have allowed yourself to feel the complete happiness in that complete happiness you want to help others before yourself Loving kindness, which you practice on yourself first, that meditation on love, or that love meditation, which you apply to yourself first, blossoms as wanting to help others first. It is this loving kindness, this intention and capacity for happiness and love upon yourself, that is the essence of wishing others to be happy before yourself. That's what I'm saying. But I think that I've observed in my own mind, other people's mind, a kind of difficulty of understanding how to be happier.

[34:03]

So wishing that others would be happy before me does not mean I sacrifice myself. It doesn't mean that. It doesn't mean I denigrate myself. It doesn't mean I deny myself happiness. Once again, wishing others would be happy before me goes with me allowing myself and wanting for myself to be happy. They go together. And I will even go further to say, if I do not wish that I myself would be happy, I cannot really, truly wish others would be happy before me. And once again, wishing that I'm happy in this meditation does not mean I don't wish others would be happy. It's just that it works out, and I'll explain how it works out, that you have to start with yourself. And before I go into more detail on this first one, I want to mention the next three and come back to the first one.

[35:13]

The next one is called Compassion. or in Sanskrit, it's called karuna. Karuna? K-A-R-U-N-A. Karuna. And I heard one etymology of karuna is that it means dented happiness. There's a dent in your happiness. In other words, when you see suffering beings, it hurts a little bit. And you want, and this is like the intention, to confer sympathy and also to wish to relieve, to want them to be relieved of suffering and anxiety and misery.

[36:16]

One is you hope them to be relieved of suffering. You wish that they would be. It also applies to yourself. Compassion is that you wish that you would be free of pain, anxiety, suffering, fear. You wish that for yourself, you wish it for others. That's compassion. You wish it, and also it includes not only wishing it, but being able to relieve. It includes being able to relieve your pain, being able to relieve your fear and anxiety. And that's called joy, mudita, in Sanskrit, and I think also in Pali, mudita. This is a joy. In other words, when you love, there's joy.

[37:23]

So one of the aspects of love is wanting other people to be happy, wanting yourself to be happy, wanting others to be free of pain, wanting yourself to be free of pain. But another aspect of it which needs to be there is joy. You're happy, you're joyful. Doesn't mean if you're happy and joyful you don't continue the work of wishing, hoping that people will be happy and joyful. Now, some people say that what this joy is, is that it's sympathetic joy. In other words, it is that you're joyful about other people's happiness. Well, it certainly is that, that you're joyful about other people's happiness. I agree. But you're also joyful about your happiness. It's not that you're joyful, and it's also not that you're joyful about other people's suffering, but you're joyful about loving them, and you're joyful about working to relieve them of suffering.

[38:32]

You like the work. You like the hard work of helping people. You love the work. You're happy. That's joy. The next one, the next aspect of joy, I mean, the next aspect of love is a little bit about, it's kind of like respect. But anyway, it's kind of like respect. It's upeksha. It means, sometimes translated as being equanimous. It means to be, what do you call it? What's another word? Do you have definitions of it? Equanimity. Equanimous. Upeksha. And some people think it means indifferent. It doesn't mean indifferent. It goes with understanding that everything is the same. And everybody's the same.

[39:34]

You may feel differently about each person. Probably you do. But this upeksha is that you also understand that everybody is the same. So you work for everybody's happiness with equal devotion. That's part of Buddha's love, is to want everybody to be happy, And not to want a little bit more for some people to be happy than others. Not to want your kids to be happy more than you want the neighbor's kids to be happy. Not to want your dog to be happy more than the neighbor's dog. In some ways that's the most advanced one, most advanced aspect of love. But it comes, it blossoms, this aspect of love comes to fruition from practicing these things on yourself.

[40:47]

In other words, that you actually feel all the different selves you are, all the different ways you are, are equal. That you appreciate the... and this moment of yourself, and this moment of yourself. In other words, you actually sit still and don't wiggle away from what's happening. You actually accept this. Not like you accept this almost completely, and you accept completely in the next one a little bit. It means that you actually accept each moment of your life. And that way it's like respect. It's kind of like, okay, I'm sick today, respect. In other words, take another look. Take another look. Are you sure that... Excuse me. I don't like being sick. Take another look. I don't respect this state of mind. Take another look. What you actually are is, you know, is not a mistake.

[41:58]

It's actually... actually deserves that you want this person to be happy and joyful that you want this person to be free that you're joyful about this person the way they are and you really accept the way you are right now and you don't try to trade this in on somebody else if you can do it with yourself it's actually I think it might be harder to do it with yourself than anybody else it might be easier to wish happiness for your neighbor's kids as strongly as you do for your own kids, that might be easier, actually, in some cases. Because I think some people can do that. The people states. Now sometimes tell them about the fact that you can see the sameness of their states because they might get upset with you.

[43:04]

But in your heart you may feel that way because that's the way you feel about yourself. I sometimes feel that way with people and if I let them know without preparing them they sometimes get upset with me. You know what I mean? In other words, I feel like this happy moment's pretty much the same as this sad moment. I feel that way about other people too. Sorry. Just because somebody's happy doesn't mean I don't wish them to be happy. And just because they're sad doesn't mean I don't wish them to be happy. They accept that they're sad, and I wish that they were happy. But I don't wish they were different from what they are. This is really hard for people. They somehow can't get that you want somebody to be well even though you accept that they're sick. They think you should hate that they're sick and wish that they were well. But it turns out it doesn't work like that. I'm kind of sorry. but it ain't like that. If you don't like the way somebody is, you know, if you don't appreciate the way they are, if you're not joyful about the way they are when they're sick, then you're not recognizing and you're setting the example of, I don't want you to be happy right now.

[44:29]

It's hard for people to get there. Okay? That's a lot, right? You probably see it. I guess. Are you? Just let me say, huh? What? Hmm. Let's say a person's sick. Let's say a person's unhappy. Sick and unhappy. You wish them to be happy. You wish that they were happy. But right now, before they get happy, you appreciate the way they are.

[45:34]

They may never get happy. Matter of fact, be waiting to get happy until you stop trying to make them different from what they are, like your own children. You wish them to be happy, but if you don't appreciate this miserable little twisted pouting, if you don't appreciate that person, they've got to keep doing that until you know who they are. Then they can say, okay, now I can accept and go along with this happiness program. In other words, if you don't accept that the way they are in their unhappy state is basically the same as they are in their happy state, you have not brought the full sense of happiness in this person. So you've got an unhappy person, you've got an unhappy self, Do you wish that you weren't this way? Do you disrespect the way you are? Do you say this is really like... In other words, you don't see that when you're unhappy and you're happy, there's not really a difference.

[46:40]

You don't see that when you're happy and unhappy, there's not a difference, that they're the same. You don't see that? Well, if you don't see that, then you might, when you're unhappy, wish you weren't that way. Because it's different from being happy. Right? That interferes with being able to help people be happy. Which you want to do. Happiness is great, right? We want that for ourselves. We want it for other people. Joy is wonderful. We want that for ourselves. We want that for others. Happiness and joy, joy is an aspect of love, but love goes away even when there's unhappiness. It isn't like turn unhappiness on and the love goes away. Buddha's love and Buddha's happiness is that no matter what happens, there's love. Love cannot be stopped and nothing can stop love. Love is not stopped. Love is like coursing through everything.

[47:45]

It has not been stopped. You can only ignore it. That's called ignorance. You can ignore it, but it's still there. If someone is miserable, you love them. You wish them to be happy. You appreciate them the way they are now. And wishing them to be happy has something to do with the fact that you appreciate them the way they are now. You don't think, oh, miserable, blah, blah, blah person, I don't like you, I wish you were happy. It's more like, I love you, I wish you were happy. I love you the way you are right now. Now, if you're unhappy now, I love you in your unhappy state. If I'm unhappy now, I love myself in my unhappy state. I don't like to say, okay, I'm unhappy, I'm miserable, I wish I was happy, and I hate the way I am. I don't so much love the way I am, I love this life that's miserable right now.

[48:48]

And I wish this person to be happy. But if that doesn't take effect in the next minute or ten or two weeks or twenty years, I'm going to keep loving this person every moment of the time. I'm going to hold their hand through all this difficulty. And if it gets more difficult, I'll keep holding their hand. I'll keep holding my hand. If it gets more difficult, I'll keep holding my hand. I'll keep holding my body. I'll keep being me no matter how bad it gets. Because I always feel the same love. Getting the picture? Is this kind of like quite an attainment? Yes. Is this like love? Like big time? Yeah. So anyway, some people could satisfy the first three, but not the last one.

[49:51]

But the last one isn't enough. You can't just go up to somebody and say, okay, you're miserable. That's basically the same as you're happy. It's not enough, though. You have to say, you're miserable, and you don't say this to them unless you're really, like, intimate. You're miserable, and this is the same as when you're happy. You're happy, but the same as when you're miserable. You don't say that, just say that to them. You say, you're happy at the same as when you're miserable. You're miserable at the same as when you're happy. And I wish you'd be happy. I really do. I'm miserable at the same as when I'm happy. I'm happy at the same as when I'm miserable, but I wish I was happy. i would like myself to be happy even though i'm miserable so without degrading the misery loving loving this phenomena and not trying to trade it in because i understand basically the same then i can take care of myself in all states and keep hoping the best for myself in all states and i can do the same for other people but as you know some people you know some people, and you know yourself too, some people are suffering, and you wish that they'd be happy, and you wish that they'd be happy, and you wish that they'd be happy, but they keep being miserable, and they keep being miserable.

[50:59]

After a while you say, you notice, maybe you don't notice, I notice, that you're not just wishing they'd be happy, you're also not liking that they're not happy. You're expecting that they will be different, rather than wanting them to be different. And then after a while you start hating them, Okay, I don't want you to be happy anymore. I'm not going to want you to be happy. It's too frustrating. It drains me to wish you were happy. You just keep not getting happy. No. That's why you've got to have this upeksha in there, wanting the person to be happy, wanting yourself to be joyful. Every moment, every moment, wanting yourself to be happy. every moment letting yourself be what you are every moment letting yourself be what you are and really because you appreciate the way you are and wanting this person to be happy wanting this person to be joyful to be free of suffering with no attachment to expectations and no thinking that when they're happy they're better than when they were sad

[52:10]

Because part of love is not thinking that somebody's better when they're happy than when they're sad. Part of love is not thinking that somebody's better when they're well than when they're healthy. Love is like no matter what's going on, you love them. And even though no matter what's going on, you love them, part of your love is you wish they were happy. But if they don't get happy, you don't withdraw your love. That's why they... seals the system so it doesn't drain life. How many people heard the story of teaching my daughter to ride a bicycle? Would you raise your hands? So now I want to just mention a little bit and maybe go a little bit more into that you start with yourself.

[53:14]

You start with yourself. You start the first one, and the second one, and the third one, and the fourth one. You start all these things with yourself. You don't skip over yourself. You don't skip over yourself. Because if you skip over yourself, your self will take revenge. Your unloved self will block you from practicing it on other people. And also, if you don't That's unloving too. So in both directions, if you skip yourself, there's going to be a kickback, a whiplash. There's going to be trouble. So forget the trouble. Just do what you have to do. Number one first, start with yourself. This unselfish Buddha, the selfless Buddha said, start with yourself. If you start with the others, you're just going to get in trouble. And also, it's draining to start with the others.

[54:22]

Now, there's examples. For example, first you start with yourself, and then number two, here's the categories, okay? Self, someone you like, someone you're neutral towards, someone you, what do you call it, someone you really like, someone you really... And someone who you feel really uncomfortable around and don't like and kind of like either and or they're your enemy. Okay? Self, somebody you like, somebody you're pretty neutral about, somebody you dearly love, and somebody who's kind of like enemy. Number one. Who's number two? Huh? Like. Someone you like, yeah. Who's number three? Neutral. Who's number four? Really like. Enemies last. So if you, if you, one person went from, I think, I don't know if he went from himself to someone he dearly loved or if he went directly to someone he dearly loved.

[55:27]

I can't remember the story exactly. But anyway, either number one or number two was somebody he dearly loved. And they say in the book, he tried to practice loving kindness on someone he dearly loved. Who I dearly love. He said, oh, my wife. So he put himself in a meditation hall and practiced this meditation of wishing the best happiness for his wife. And then it says, so then he spent the wife banging his head against the wall all night. So the story was that he was in this meditation hall and he started thinking his loving thoughts towards his wife and he got so aroused that he started running towards her and couldn't find the daughter's room and kept running into the wall to get to his wife. Are you saying he better do that?

[56:37]

No. If you practice on someone you dearly love, if you practice this, you get too carried away. You become lustful. So anyway, that's the order to do it in. Start with yourself, then somebody you like, then somebody neutral, then somebody you really like, then somebody you... That's the order of wishing is happiness. Start with yourself. Okay? And then you can learn to, you know, to do that. So, any questions about that? Yes? Yeah, well, you start, I don't start, but anyway, you do it, you know, you start by doing sitting. Partly the reason why I start doing it sitting is that when you say, when you say, you know, may I be peaceful, may I be happy and light heart, light in body.

[57:39]

May I be safe and free from injury. May I be free from anger, afflictions, fear and anxiety. You wish that for yourself. But you're actually sitting there feeling what it's like to be there. So you're not just saying it's sort of like running around town, although you can do it there too. You start by like actually sitting down and feeling what it's like to be who you are. And you probably feel some of these things you're wishing yourself to be free of. And then you should actually do it all day long everywhere. But the thing is, once you start moving, even if you can remember this mantra, this prayer for yourself, even if you can remember it throughout the day, which is good to do, it's good to start in a situation where you can feel yourself. So it's not abstract. You're wishing these things for this person who feels like this. And if you start moving to keep the mantra going, but you've lost track of your body.

[58:43]

So actually, and I'll go into more detail on this later, you start with your body. So the first thing you do in this meditation actually, which again you can do all day long, but the first thing you do in the meditation is you basically sit down or stand up, be still, and look at what's going on with yourself. Before you apply this wish, you find out who it is you're going to apply it to. And the same with others. So you don't just say, well, I wish Stan was... I really would like Stan to be happy. First of all, if possible, I actually look at Stan. You know, look at his face and see his face and his body and direct it while feeling what it's like to look at him and smell him too or taste him or touch him, if that's appropriate.

[59:45]

So you start by the first step is to accept yourself as you actually are right now. And then start wishing this for yourself. And maybe you're feeling sleepy or dull or maybe you're feeling really excited or maybe you're feeling pretty good. You can still wish this for yourself. Maybe you are feeling anxious. Maybe you are feeling afraid. Maybe you're feeling restless. Well, if you're feeling restless, you've got to like, if you start feeling the restlessness, you're not so restless. In other words, the first thing to do is survey your body. See what's happening with your body. And then if you can be still with what's happening with your body, then you're ready to wish this body to be happy, to be joyful, to be light and relaxed and flexible.

[60:52]

to wish this body to be safe and free from injury, to wish this body that you have a feeling for, anxiety, affliction, fear and anxiety for the body. And later I'll go into other dimensions of your self, other aspects of your experience, to wish the same thing for. But you start with your body right now, and find out what it is, and then wish that these things. So it's very closely related to, actually, just sitting with what you are. The source of your happiness is to fully settle with what's happening to you. Now it's, what time is it, 8.30? Yes? So she's saying, what if you check yourself out and you find out you're unhappy with yourself?

[62:04]

Let's just say, for starters, let's say you start checking out your body and you find your body's in pain. Okay? You actually have physical pain. So she's saying, what happens if you find out you're in physical pain? Then what do you do? What's your question? Okay. Well, for me, I'm happy that I'm in physical pain, but I'm happy that I'm unhappy that I'm... You know, I get into this sort of... Yeah, okay, so let's... See, now you're expanding this beyond your body, okay? It's okay, you're getting ahead. I told you I was going to do that later, but anyway. First of all, you have a physical sensation in your body which is painful, unpleasant, uncomfortable physical sensation. Now let's say, to make things simple, that you're sitting in a nice posture. You feel, this is a good posture I'm in. There's nothing wrong with this posture. But I, you know, maybe ate too much. Now take that one away too, because you shouldn't be sitting if you ate too much. I ate too much sugar today, or I drank too much coffee, or something like that, and so I'm feeling kind of unpleasant from the effects of this, you know, my blood sugar's low or blood, I'm having, what do you call it, lactose, I'm in lactose shock.

[63:19]

I'm uncomfortable, and really, but I'm in a good posture, and I think I'm doing the best thing I can under the circumstances of, like, not having eaten very well today. And there's nothing much I can do about it. I did drink too much coffee. There isn't an antidote for it, really, other than just wait it out. Going to eat something, another cup of coffee is not going to help. I can't take a nap. I'm basically a wreck. And no matter where I go, or no matter what I do, well, maybe not. Maybe if I ran around the block, that would be good. So you might say, well, maybe I'll go run around the block. You use up a lot of the excess energy. Then you come back and you sit down and maybe you're still nervous or maybe now you're all real tired. But anyway, let's say you feel okay about what you're doing. You're in a good posture. You're not something wrong with your posture, but you feel unpleasant in your body. If you feel unhappy about that, that's called your feeling about your body.

[64:25]

It's more of a mental phenomenon. You feel unpleasant or negative about having this experience. That's moving on to the next aspect of what it is to be you. But we apply this loving kind. If I'm in a state of being happy right now, in other words, given the way I am at this moment is the way I am this moment, I am the way I actually am, is like this, I have this kind of a body. Or maybe my body is even like, not in physical pain, maybe it's in neutral pain, neutral situation. But neutral, pleasant, whatever it's in, pain, pleasant, or neutral, I still go ahead now, that's what's happening with me, and wish this body would be happy, joyful, peaceful, and light. Free of anxiety, fear, affliction. at peace, safe, and free of injury. I'm sitting in a good posture.

[65:26]

That's nice. I'm free of injury, I think. I feel fairly safe under the circumstances and so on. I wish that for myself. I wish that for myself wholeheartedly, even though I'm uncomfortable. And it's possible. that while feeling uncomfortable, at the very moment of feeling comfortable, letting myself be that uncomfortable person is already love. Letting myself be that uncomfortable person is kind of like saying, uncomfortable, but this is what we're working with. And also, loving this person and hoping the best for this person while she's uncomfortable. While she's uncomfortable, a great, boundless happiness in the midst of that uncomfortable, painful body. Like a woman having a baby, right?

[66:32]

Extreme pain, but sometimes in the middle of that extreme pain, doesn't wish she was somewhere else. She does not wish she was back a few minutes before or a few minutes later. She doesn't say, well, when's the baby coming? She's just like totally there in the middle of the pain, no wiggling. Maybe she's hoping for self-happiness. No problem. She's not hoping herself to be someplace different. If you hope yourself to be someplace different, that's not true love. If you want yourself to be really happy, you undermine it by wishing you were somebody else. You disrespect yourself. To be happy goes with being who you are and not getting a little bit before or after that person. So many women have the most important experiences of their life right when they're in the most pain. And with the support of their life, there's a moment where she is not trying to be anyplace else.

[67:43]

And they have a great happiness at that moment. Of course, they're happy later, too. That sets the attitude for being happy in several moments following and being happy with this baby. Say, is this the wrong baby? I think you got the wrong baby. Give me another one here. In some ways, that kind of thing sets up the fact that mothers actually often appreciate the babies that they have. They actually do think, geez, I think this is the right one. This is the one. Even though they had ten before. The baby. This is the one I'm going to love. If the baby's suffering, they feel bad about the suffering of the baby. But they love the baby no matter how deformed, what color it is, blah, blah, blah. They love this baby. They don't wish this baby. If they do, I say the love is not true love.

[68:44]

But start with yourself. And for a woman delivering a baby, you start with your own pain of being stretched and stretched and your own body saying, ow, [...] pain, pain, pain. And you start there. is this actually can you actually appreciate this and wish yourself freedom from suffering right now without trying to trade yourself in for somebody else as a way of getting happy because you can't so forget it it's not going to work get with the program wish yourself well being who you are okay That's part of what practice is about. Everybody's got a body 24 hours a day. You're sitting in meditation. You've got a body. Survey it.

[69:50]

Check out the territory. What is it? That's the first step. When you get it, when you feel it, and you're there, then you're ready to wish it well. which in some ways just deepens your ability to be there. You realize that you can really be there even if you're uncomfortable. And you can even be there even if you're really comfortable. In other words, you're really happy, you're really comfortable, but you don't shift into, well, geez, I hope this keeps going on, which again is a kind of disrespect to the moment. Because if you say you wish it was going on and it doesn't go on and you say, no, thank you. No. Thank you for this. Thank you for this. Not thank you for this and can I have some more. That's not really that nice of a thank you. Thank you for dinner. Can I have another one? Now, it is possible to say thank you for dinner and really mean that and then say, I want another one.

[70:53]

But right at the same moment, you don't want another one. You're really happy with Unless you're greedy. And greedy is not love. All right, so now I... Unless there's more questions, I'd like to actually do some walking meditation, sitting meditation, where you actually start to practice this. I mean, you probably have already started it anyways. Or you do it without me making too much noise. Any other questions before we start? Okay, so we're going to start. We're going to do some walking. And we're going to start doing this. You're going to start practicing love towards yourself. And you know, it's going to be great. You're going to have fun. This is going to be... You're going to like this. Some years ago I heard that meditations on love, which has these four aspects of loving-kindness and compassion and joy and equanimity, were primarily

[73:03]

intended as an antidote to anger, which I think is true. Not that they're primarily for that purpose, but that they are antidotes to anger. And I heard that they were preliminary practices and that they were concentration practices. And in this big book, this is kind of a classical book on Buddhist practice, which is divided into three parts. This book is called The Path of Purification in English, and in Pali it's called Visuddhi Magga. And Magga means path, and Visuddhi means path. The first part of it's about ethical practices, practice of virtue.

[74:06]

The second part's about the practice of concentration. The third part's about the practice of wisdom. And the meditations on love, these four meditations on love, are in the concentration section. And they're called, these four meditations are called the, sometimes they're called the divine abodes. Or in Sanskrit or Pali they're called Brahma Viharas. Vihara is like a temple or a place of spiritual practice. And Brahma is like one of the leaders of the gods. And They also call the four Unlimiteds, and they're in the concentration section.

[75:14]

So if they're just concentration, then there's some limit to them. So it's... I'm not saying they are just concentration, but I would say that they're part of... So these meditations on love, meditations of love, are part of settling down into our body-mind experience.

[75:53]

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