On July 3rd, in the evening, just before we had our ceremony for the founder, Suzuki Roshi, I mentioned that I heard he said, that if you want to understand Buddhism, you must forget all about your preconceived ideas. I think I brought it up again yesterday, did I? And I really appreciate that some of you heard me say that.

[01:12]

I mean, that I appreciate that your ears were open, your heart was open. And that little message got inside. It's a big message. And some of you are now struggling with that message. Somebody said, you said a whole bunch of R's. But what I didn't mention, which I would like to mention today, is that the... the relinquishment, the non-attachment, the forgetting all about, the letting go of all your preconceived notions and ideas is not something that

[02:33]

you have to do. In fact, you can't do it. So relax. Now, he did say, you have to let go, or you have to forget all about. But that's just kind of like conventional speech. It's shorthand for you... together with me and everybody else and all the Buddhas and all the Bodhisattvas, all of us together have to let go of all our preconceived ideas. One of the preconceived ideas that we have is that we can do something. So you let go of that one. That's a big one. So when you let go of that one, or if that one was released, you wouldn't be left with somebody there to be able to do the relinquishing.

[03:38]

So the context for that kind of instruction is... that we're practicing together with all the Buddhas. All the Buddhas are practicing together with each one of us. It's because they're practicing together with us that there can be this relinquishment of attachment. And relinquishment is emptiness. So we have to work at being ourself.

[04:52]

And the reason why we have to work at it is because part of what we are is a being who has a tendency to try to get away from who she is, to be somebody useful rather than somebody who's actual, matter-of-factual. So the middle way is this way of being ourselves such that we can appreciate all the support that we're receiving to do this practice of non-attachment, whereby we understand. And it's also with the way we realize how we support ourselves and how we support others.

[06:09]

So I'm going to bring up some stuff, I think, now, bring up some teachings that I've heard about. And I'm not bringing these up by my own power. It's sort of like they're being channeled. Part of the way they're channeled is, you know, pieces of paper have writing on them when I read them. And then you hear me read them. So it happens like this, that the teaching comes into this world, that the Dharma manifests onto paper and into words, and people hear it and are changed. You know, I didn't make the paper, you didn't make the paper, I'm not in control of my speech, neither are you, you can't control what you hear, neither can I, and yet, somehow, we're very fortunate because Dharma is reigning in the hall.

[07:25]

And reigning in both spellings of the word. Does everybody know the two spellings of the word? Reigning? Do you, Ana? Yeah. Well, one way of spelling it, I think, is R-A-I-N-G. Know that one? The other one is R-E-I-G-N-I-N-G. Is that right? Do you know the second one? So Dharma is reigning. Dharma is in charge. Completely in charge. Do you believe that? Do you think that the truth is in charge? Well, I do. And so the thing I'm going to bring up, the things I'm going to bring up have to do with the teachings, the Dharma teachings about the middle way.

[08:35]

The middle way is the way to appreciate all the support that we're getting and to have the right attitude, the right view, so that you'll be able to understand the Dharma. And there's kind of like, there's sort of like two kinds of middle way. Actually, there's five, but anyway, there's sort of like two. One kind is a kind of middle way which is a middle way of taking your seat. It's the middle way of being yourself. It's a middle way kind of, you know, practical. middle way. It's a middle way of being sad when you're sad and sitting on your assigned seat in the zendo.

[09:38]

It's a middle way of eating lunch. It's a middle way of love. It's sort of the context, contextual middle way. It's the middle way of readiness. middle way of being ready for what's happening. And the other kind of middle way is the middle way of reality, the middle way of wisdom, the middle way of Ultimate truth. So I want to start with the middle way of settling on your seat, the middle way of love, which is what I've been talking about to some extent for the first two days.

[10:40]

It's the middle way of, you know, like means, skillful means. And the other one's like the middle way of wisdom. And skillful means... are ways to generate love and compassion and virtue, but also skillful means are ways of attraction and ways of universal attraction, ways of attracting yourself and all beings to be where we are. Ways to attract us to not be a little bit ahead or a little bit behind Ways to attract ourselves to taking good care of ourselves right now. To interest ourselves in taking good care of ourselves right now.

[11:51]

the scriptural source for this kind of middle way, and it turns out it's the first teaching that the Buddha gave, the first discourse the Buddha gave. And it's called, now we call it the scripture of setting the Dharma wheel rolling. And he gave it to five yogi monks that he used to practice with before he was the Buddha. So this sermon was given at Deer Park, I hear, by the Blessed One at the Isipatthana which is the resort of the seers, near Baranasi.

[13:05]

There he addressed a group of five monks. Monks, he said, these two extremes ought not to be practiced. These two extremes ought not to be practiced by one who has gone forth from the household life. What are the two? There is devotion to indulgence or addiction to sense pleasures. That's one. Devotion to addiction to sense pleasures. That's one. And then he says these disparaging remarks about that extreme. You don't want to hear about that, do you? You do? It's kind of rough. So get ready, this is kind of Buddha talking tough. I don't talk like this, but the Buddha did.

[14:08]

Okay, so this extreme is low. It's common. In other words, frequently happens. And the way of ordinary people, unworthy and unprofitable. Okay? Number two, there is devotion to self-mortification. It's not low, but it's painful. It's unworthy and unprofitable. That's the other one. The Buddha was like, you know, Olympic champion at self-mortification. And so were those other guys he was given to talk to. They all had tried the self-mortification extreme and found out that it is painful, unworthy, or unholy, in the sense of unholy being like, holy means whole, you know. It's not whole.

[15:09]

It's not a holistic type of practice. And unprofitable. I would add that it's not conducive to liberation from suffering. Avoiding both of these extremes, the Tathagata has realized the middle path Agatha has realized the middle path avoiding these two extremes. It gives vision, it gives knowledge, it leads to calm, to insight, to enlightenment and to nibbana. Unshakeable happiness and peace. And what is this middle path? It is simply the noble eightfold path. So the Eightfold Path is the way to avoid these extremes and avoiding these extremes is the Eightfold Path.

[16:21]

The Eightfold Path is the Eightfold Description of what it's like to avoid these extremes. So now here we are in this little gathering this week having a chance. to consider how to avoid these extremes and thus settle into the middle way, practically speaking. And I... I was struck... I was impressed by the word devotion. One of the extremes is devotion to addiction or indulgence in sense pleasures.

[17:36]

So I've got a double thing there. We've got devotion and addiction. We have three things. Devotion, addiction and sense pleasures. The Buddha did not say that sense pleasures were an extreme that are avoided. Didn't say that. To consider sense pleasures an extreme in themselves and to avoid them is guess what? Just take a wild guess. What would that be? That would be self-mortification. So, to me, it's quite clear that the Buddha is not saying that we should avoid sense pleasures. As I've said before, Buddha ate before, not exactly during, but before and after enlightenment the Buddha ate.

[18:53]

And if you're a monk, practicing like during Sashin, not eating between meals, right? When those meals come, especially prepared by our excellent staff here in the kitchen, when those meals come, it's pretty hard, unless you're extremely depressed, not to have some sense pleasures. Now, some people don't like seaweed, I guess. But, you know, if you think about it, seaweed's really good. It's got all kinds of wonderful minerals and vitamins. At least conceptually, it's delicious. And some people don't like tofu, either. But, you know, it's good for you, too. But that rice, wasn't that delicious rice this morning? Anyway... Sense pleasures, the only way to avoid them is to cut your diet way, way down and lock yourself up in a closet. Because even if you open the door of the closet and see the sunrise, it might be pleasant.

[20:00]

Not to mention the sunset. It's hard to avoid sense pleasures, like I say, unless you're really, really depressed. But anyway... He didn't say that the sense pleasure is the problem. It's the addiction to them that's the problem. Now, addiction to sense pleasures means not just that they happen, like, you know, there's breakfast, there's that rice, there's that rice. Addiction means you use the rice to distract yourself from where you are. He used the rice as a way to avoid feeling what you're feeling. He used the sense pleasure as a way to turn away from your life. That's the indulgence in it. That's the addiction to it.

[21:09]

So that's the addiction. It's almost like even that's not so bad. If you just do it like once a year, you know, once a year maybe, eat some rice to distract yourself from your pain. It's okay. Or maybe once a sashin, you know, distract yourself from your pain for a second by looking at a face or smelling the incense. A little bit extra. It's the devotion to it that makes it into an extreme. You know, like every possible opportunity almost when you might be able to successfully use sense pleasure to distract yourself from your pain like you're on the ball.

[22:11]

Devotion. Devote. To be completely, you know, To completely vow is what devote means. To completely vow. It means to be ardent. Have an ardent attachment or affection. To have religious ardor or zeal. Piety. The funny thing is that we have a religious devotion to avoiding what's happening. by addiction to sense pleasures. So he's saying we try to avoid that. The other one is self-mortification. So that would be like depriving yourself of things.

[23:20]

and being devoted to defining yourself of things. But what's the addiction to self-mortification? It's when you use depriving yourself or being hard on yourself as a way to distract yourself from what's happening. And what some people do addictively and are devoted to is criticizing themselves, for example, thinking badly of themselves. And this is like, I mean, some people do this, as you know, very sincerely. They're devoted to being hard on themselves and thinking badly on themselves.

[24:26]

And they're also devoted to thinking bad of others and then feeling bad about themselves, thinking bad of others. A lot of people are like that. And this is like a major pain. But the thing is, it's distracting them from something which is even harder to face. Which we have to face. And that is the fundamental consequence of our fundamental ignorance, which is being choked or strangled by the universe, which we say is not us.

[25:30]

We reject that which gives us life, and therefore, because we reject it, it turns into affliction and it comes at us from all around. So if we could get away from that, it would be a good idea. But we can't. Our self is put right in the middle of it by the way we think. So then once we get in that mess, we try to get away by these two extremes. Just like you don't let go of all your attachments and you don't give up and forget about all your preconceived ideas by your own power, you also can't sit on your seat in the middle of universal affliction by your own power.

[26:38]

It's because the Buddhas are supporting you and practicing with you that you can sit on your seat. It's because all beings are being kindly supportive of you that you cannot run away from what it's like to be yourself. Some people go to sashins as a kind of purification, sort of a purification, a purification of these extremes. They come to sashin, they sit down, and then they start to, well, they stop watching TV, you know.

[27:53]

They stop eating between meals. They stop various things just because not allowed. I mean, the session doesn't provide an opportunity. So they start to feel their pain. So then on their cushion, you know, without the aid of, well, of certain distractions, they try to resist the pain for a while. And it doesn't work. And they try again. That doesn't work. So then sometimes maybe they try to make it worse, and that doesn't work. So then they try to go to sleep, and that works pretty well, except when you wake up, they think of sex. That works for a little while until you can't think of it anymore, et cetera. They get angry at the Eno for setting the schedule. They get angry at the servers for the way they serve. They get angry at the cooks for serving seaweed. But none of that works. So then, you know, actually by the third day at about 10.30, you run out of ways of resisting, and then you start to just take it.

[29:07]

Some people even wait longer than the third day. Most people by the middle or towards the later part of the session, they stop fighting it. They stop wallowing in it. They stop resisting. shrieking back from it. They stop thinking pretty much. They kind of like just accept the consequences of the way we are. Accept the consequences of the way you think. Accept the consequences of having preconceived ideas, which is anxiety. The preconceived idea is anxiety. Stop resisting. We stop resisting around this time. We stop resisting the reality that we have entered the school of anxiety. And it's time for the midterm exam. Anxiety goes on, but the resistance starts to...

[30:22]

wane in other words indulging in these extremes starts to wane and we're entering into the right view we're starting to face one of the first aspects of right view is that karma has consequences karma is fruitful we face the fruits of our ancient twisted karma which are being delivered to us right now right now, right now. But we learn that it's best of all to experience these karmic consequences in the smallest possible dosages. And it turns out that actually they do come in tiny little They come in just moment by moment.

[31:25]

And we learn that just feeling them, experiencing them, with no argument, no negotiation, no indulgence, no shrinking away, no discussion, just to feel it moment by moment, we learn it's the best way. Don't we? About now. That's the problem, actually, with shorter sashins, is that, like, two days or three days, you're just accepting, and then you're out in the street. You've just done a big part of the work, you know. And really, it'd be nice to sort of, like, just, like, sit with that for a while before you have to, like, go back in a situation where you don't feel that support to face it. to face the anxiety. So the middle way is this balanced response to the way it is to be yourself.

[32:47]

The balanced response to the consequences of your present level of understanding. And if we don't understand very well yet, then we still have lots of anxiety. But this is our assignment. This is our work. We have to work with it. We can't get away from it. We can only distract ourselves or turn away from it by addictions. It's the only way. But we can become through of it, I say, if we can become intimate with it. And becoming intimate with it, becoming settled with it, then we can bring in the other middle way, which then teaches us how to face our, not just face our suffering, but look at our understanding. Look at the way we think.

[33:50]

Look at the way we understand. Look at what we do believe. First of all, though, we have to face the consequences of what we believe before we can look at what it is we believe. Our erroneous understanding of ourself is the cause of our suffering, but we can't see that if we're running away from the suffering which accompanies it. So that's, I see, the first teaching of the Buddha the first turning a Dharma wheel is face the truth of suffering and that's what he does he goes on to talk about the truth of suffering this is the truth of suffering as it is and then if you can face that then you can see this is the origin of suffering.

[34:51]

And if you can face that, then you can see this is the end of suffering. And then what is the way to realize the end of suffering? What we just said, the Eightfold Path, which is, first of all, to face the consequences of karma, which Consequences of Karma means face the actions which are based on a misunderstanding of self. Face the consequences of actions based on a misunderstanding of self. And so on. So the bodhisattva practices of compassion, of love, which include being generous, being careful of all the precepts, and practicing patience and enthusiasm and concentration, these practices help us be in the middle and avoid these extremes.

[36:41]

So I just talked about patience. Patience is to feel your pain in the smallest doses. To feel the anxiety in the smallest doses. Not to try to make them small, but just notice that they do come to you moment by moment. That's the smallest. Moment by moment. Don't think about how long you've been anxious. Don't think about how long you're going to be anxious. Don't think about how long you've been choked. Don't think about how long you're going to be choked. Just be choked right now. Experience the present moment of choked and in that present moment of being choked there is some breath. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to feel choked. There's still some breath and there's still some choked. Just feel that present little chunk of anxiety and then let go of that and the next one and the next one until you get to be kind of like good at that called being skillful at patience and all the Buddhas are sitting with you in the middle of that anxiety that's where the Buddhas sit that's patience enthusiasm

[38:11]

is that you actually are enthusiastic about practicing patience with your anxiety. Like you're, like, up for it. Like, oh, great, I can go to the Zendo now and practice patience with my anxiety. Another session of patience practice. How great. I mean, talk about fortunate. Talk about holy. I'm like Mr. Zealous. I want to practice this. Would that guy stop talking so he can go back to the Zendo and face this suffering? See, that's a little bit off, though. You should just face the one you've got now. That's called overzealous. Real zealousness is, I'm going to suffer now as I'm suffering. That's it. I'm going to face the first truth now, the way it's being delivered now. Thank you.

[39:13]

And I'd just like to say a little bit about how concentration is love. Okay? How concentration is love. How concentration is compassion. You can practice concentration even if you're practicing concentration, you can practice it in such a way that you're veering off to the extremes. Even while you're practicing concentration, you can practice concentration in an attempt to indulge in sensual pleasure and distract yourself from your anxiety. You can also practice concentration in such a way as to mortify yourself as a way to distract yourself from your anxiety. I said that. Do you understand that? Yeah, good. At least one person does. Actually, at one point in my practice, I was trying to follow my breath, and I wasn't able to do it very successfully.

[40:31]

I was actually not only following my breath, I was trying to count my breaths, but I could only count to one. I think that's funny, huh? So I was in the mountains, and I was counting my breaths, so I had this experience of... I counted the exhales. One... That was it. And then sometime later, I would wake up and... Oh, yeah. One... So that's about as good I could do for quite a while. But then I decided to get tough on myself, so I did. Got real tough. and I self-mortified myself into counting all the way to ten. But I had to get pretty tough. I won't get into the details, but I got really tough with myself.

[41:39]

And then I managed to not just count to ten once, but successively and I had ways of checking to see if I was skipping between the tens and I managed to sit one whole period perfectly. And when I was successful I realized this was not what I came for. So I gave up that kind of practice. Occasionally I think probably I've used following the breathing as a way to distract myself from the pain in terms of the pleasure of it, but not too much, but some people do. They try to use the breath in such a way as to get away from their pain. Quite a few people do, and they feel pretty good when they're successful. It seems better than thinking about sex to them. following the breath as a way to distract themselves from their pain.

[42:54]

But there's another way to follow your breath, which is more like love, and doesn't distract you from your pain, but winds up to be the end of your pain. And people also have had that experience. Where they weren't trying to follow their breath in order to get away from their pain. They were just trying to follow their breath. But not as a technique to avoid what's happening. And that kind of breath following is the kind of breath following which is almost the middle way itself. It includes patience. It includes giving. It includes the precepts. It includes enthusiasm. You're enthusiastically, lovingly, patiently, in other words, you're in pain still and you're following your breath in pain.

[44:06]

You're feeling your breath in pain. You're not coercing yourself into following your breath. You're not using your breath as a distraction from your pain. You're in pain, whatever it is. You don't know. I mean, you know. More by more, you feel it. You're patient with it. You're taking it in little doses. You're right there. You're not wiggling. You're right there. And you're breathing. And you're noticing that you're breathing. You're just sitting and feeling your breath. That's all. You're just sitting and feeling your breath. Sitting and feeling your breath. Sitting and feeling your body. sitting and feeling your breath. This is not like trying to get yourself to focus on your breath and look at your breath. It's just being here in suffering, facing it, and noticing that there just happens to be breathing going on. And you take care of the breathing the same way you take care of the pain.

[45:09]

And you take care of your body the same way you take care of the pain and the same way you take care of the breath take care of everything the same namely lovingly namely uprightly namely not leaning into it or away from it just feel it and then you forget about yourself and you're just with your breath and your body and your pain or you're just with your breath and your body and your pain And you forget about yourself. And that's the end of suffering. That's not avoiding suffering. That's not avoiding suffering. That's intimacy with suffering. And again, I take away the with. Your breath. You forget your body. You forget your mind. You forget yourself.

[46:12]

There's just breath. body, pain. Pain, and in the pain there's just the pain. And in the breath there's just the breath. And that's the end of suffering. There are philosophical sophistications and subtleties which can then be offered to you who is free of suffering. Now that you've graduated from the school of anxiety, there's post-graduate work, but basically you've succeeded at becoming intimate with suffering and becoming free of it. But again, I say you succeeded, but what I really mean is Buddha has succeeded through you. You have made Buddha a success by facing your life intimately.

[47:14]

This is what Buddha is encouraging us to do. When we do it, Buddha is successful. There's no other Buddha outside of us facing our life. Buddha is manifested in the world when we practice this way. And when we practice this way, it's not by our own power. It is by the power of Buddha when we can practice like this. Buddha is functioning. That's why this is accepting Buddha's compassion and reflecting Buddha's compassion. Buddha's compassion is all around us, all the time. Do we let it in and let it fill us so that we can practice concentration in this way? So we can practice patience. Every time you go to the Zendo, you can give a gift to all beings, which is the next period of sitting, which you give to all beings, which you give and dedicate to all beings.

[48:29]

So I'm sorry that I talked so long in a way, because now it's so late that maybe you don't want to have any questions and answers. But still, if you do have some things to say, it's okay with me. It almost sounded like that. Yeah. Yeah, right. That's right. She said, for the tape, that when I said, they're just body, that maybe that sounds like there's no awareness.

[50:03]

Okay? So, you know this quote by the Buddha. Buddha said, train yourself thus. In the herd, there will be just the herd. In the seen, there will be just the seen. Okay? In the smelled, there will be just the smelled. In the touched, there will be just the touched. In the tasted, there will be just the tasted. so that those sensory experiences are like that. And that doesn't mean that there's no awareness, because there is no taste without sense consciousness. So like, what is it? A piece of seaweed is not a taste. A taste depends on the seaweed, the tongue, and consciousness. When those three come together, and contact each other, we have this thing called the tasted.

[51:10]

So you train yourself so there's just that tasted. And when there's just tasted, there is consciousness, there is the field of taste, there is the organ of taste working together. But what there isn't is there isn't somebody in addition some metaphysical self in addition to that taste. There isn't some self in addition to that heard, to that seen. And when there's not that, then there's no identification of the self with that taste and no disidentification of that self with that taste. So there's no location in or out of it. There's no here or there in between, and this is the end of suffering. But the suffering is happening in the life of a living being, a living conscious being.

[52:20]

It's just that this... Did I say the suffering? The suffering, this freedom from suffering, is happening into a conscious being. is living in this conscious being. It just says being is no longer thinking dualistically. So a non-dual consciousness has been realized through that training. mental continualness, or if our mind is what creates karma. I'm not really clear on how just being upright in pure awareness with what is transforms the mind.

[53:24]

Somehow, with the support of of all the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, a sentient being who thinks dualistically can train herself in such a way that she lets go of, there's a relinquishment of dualistic thinking. The dualistic thinking isn't exactly transformed. it's just released for a while. You just take a little break from dualistic thinking. Just let go of it. And the non-dual awareness, which was always there and is always there and always will be there, and non-dual awareness is simply that when you have a being that has consciousness, exactly the way that being is,

[54:33]

that conscious being is, precisely the way they are, is non-dual awareness. We're always that way. The way we always are is that we're precisely the way we are, and that is non-dual. But if we, which we do, actively and instinctively generate dualistic thinking and grasp to it instinctively, that opposes the actuality of our being. So the actual condition of a sentient being is precisely what is meant by Buddha. Buddha is the actuality of a sentient being. That's why Buddhas and sentient beings are completely inseparable. And when sentient beings accept Buddha's compassion, that means they allow themselves to be just the way they are.

[55:39]

And the way they are is that they are actuality itself. And they are a non-dual being who has the ability to imagine dualistically and therefore to grasp and lose sight of So it's not exactly a transformation of mind. It is a realization of a mind which embraces the totality of what we are without pushing away our dualistic thinking. Just letting go of it. Just releasing it. But again, that release has not happened by the power of the sentient being. It happens through the power of our true nature, our Buddha. It seems like a transformation. But it's more like, you know, just the other side of all phenomena. So all phenomena, as you know, have two qualities, a deep quality and a superficial quality.

[56:46]

Superficial quality is dualistic, conventional. The deep quality is non-dual and ultimate emptiness. But all phenomena have both these truths. We have to become so intimate with the world of conventional reality that it's relinquished. And then we open to the other side, to the other truth. So it's not exactly a transformation, but more like... be intimate with the two truths and then for some time we switch back and forth from one truth to the other until we're a Buddha and Buddha sees both simultaneously plus Buddha also after going back and forth between the two for a while don't worry about it how long we gradually can answer the question of how cause and effect works in the world of

[58:03]

of duality and conventionality. How do things actually work? You actually can see that after a while, exactly from the point of view of emptiness. But let's first of all become free of suffering, okay? And let's first of all, before that, start practicing compassion so that we can really face in this upright fashion our life. Yes. Facing pain and facing pleasure. Yes. Facing joy also. Yes. So, like I said earlier, it's not that we run away from joy. That's what some people do. They thought if we run away from joy, that'll set us free from suffering.

[59:07]

But that's self-mortification. So we don't run away from joy. We don't run away from pain. When joy comes, we say, hi. When pain comes, we say, hi. When joy goes, we say, bye. When pain goes, we say, bye. Like that. Except you don't have time to say that usually because they're coming and going so fast. So you just let them come and go. And you develop the ability to do that. Does that make sense? You're welcome. Yes? So I'm noticing that it's not just the taste or the feeling or whatever. It's like some words, maybe the other words. But it was definitely tape. What are the instructions on? Can we say that again? a little bit louder or slower, or both? You're doing, you're eating.

[60:10]

I'm eating, and it's not just eating, it's eating and whatever tape is going on with my head. What are the instructions to do with that? Oh, that's the tape. Um, yesterday I actually do talk. So, so you're eating, and then there's a tape of me talking? Okay, so that's like, in the tasted, there's just the tasted, and then in the heard, there's just the heard. and then the tasted, the tasted, and then the touched, the touched, and the tasted, the tasted, and the heard, the heard. So when you're eating oreochi, you might hear replays of the lecture. That's okay. Just let that sound in your head just be that sound. So you train yourself. In this case, I guess it's not a... A regular sound, it's like a mental sound. In other words, you're cognizing something. So you let that cognition just be that cognition.

[61:11]

So you treat that little sentence or that word you hear the same way you treat the taste. So in all these, I said, you know, I didn't say the whole list. I went through the physical things, but then also he said, in the cognized is just the cognized. So what you're thinking, you treat the same way. Yes. When we said you were sitting, not thinking, what do you mean not thinking? What do you mean trying to be empty? No thoughts are percolating, so to speak. you're trying to reach a place where no thoughts are percolating? Where did you hear about that practice? I think that's what I was here for.

[62:18]

Oh, but where did you hear it? Did somebody tell you about that practice? I think, you know, unless somebody actually has instructed you to do that, Maybe you should wait on that practice. And more like deal with what's happening rather than try to be in some other state, like you're describing. If some teacher is actually working with you to be in some other state from what's happening to you, we can talk about that. But what I'm talking about is you simply facing what's happening. So you are hearing things, you are seeing things, you are thinking things, so you just lovingly attend to what's happening. Not because it's good or bad, but just because it's happening.

[63:19]

It deserves and needs your attention. Now do you have a question? No? No? Okay. Yes. I don't have a word to this, but that the suffering will always be there. I mean, in a sense, in other words, if you're sitting there and sometimes it seems like the sense of suffering sort of goes away for one, should you just more or less interpret that, well, it's not paying attention. I don't want to distract myself with something. Or is it perceivable that somehow authentically, for some moments, the suffering would go away? The Buddha observed this is the end of suffering as it comes to be. The Buddha witnessed there is an end to suffering. But that end of suffering was seen simultaneous with the truth of suffering.

[64:29]

Four truths. This is suffering, this is the origin of suffering, this is the end of suffering. They coexist. They're simultaneous. Four Noble Truths is not that they take turns. The Four Noble Truths are always happening until there would not be any conditions for it anymore. But there are conditions for it. There is craving. There is ignorance. So there is suffering. Simultaneous with The world of craving, attachment, and suffering is another world where there is no craving, no attachment, no suffering. They're just the Eightfold Path, the Noble Eightfold Path. They coexist. They're two truths, simultaneous. So if you can get a little glimpse of cessation, no problem.

[65:35]

Enjoy your nirvana. No problem. Buddha, however, doesn't live in nirvana. Buddha doesn't live in nirvana. Buddha also doesn't live in samsara. Buddha doesn't hang out in nirvana and doesn't get stuck in samsara. However, samsara is the life of Buddha. So when you realize nirvana, if you're a Buddha, You don't detach from beings in samsara. These are the two truths, ultimate and the conventional. Conventional truth is there is suffering and there's a condition for it. Ultimate truth is understanding the conventional truth. Based on understanding the conventional truth, you understand there's an end to suffering and there's a way to live which is the end of suffering called practice.

[66:38]

But you don't then stay in that truth. You don't stay in the ultimate truth if you're a bodhisattva. You let go of it and embrace the relative, the conventional, to develop virtue and manifest the Buddha body among all beings. And again, until we're a Buddha, we go back and forth from... First of all, we have to understand the conventional truth. We have to understand suffering and how it works pretty well. We have to become intimate with our suffering in order to see how it works. Then we open to ultimate truth. Realizing ultimate truth, we're all set. We have some liberation, a little break. Then we come back to conventional and practice virtue. Then we go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth until Buddha is realized. Freedom from suffering can be realized. It can be realized.

[67:40]

And it's not that you're ignoring conventional truth. It is that you have done your work with conventional truth. You have become intimate with conventional truth. Therefore, you can be taught and you can realize the teachings of ultimate truth. So Nagarjuna says, if you're not familiar, if you're not intimate with the conventional truth, it's not appropriate for you to be taught and try to practice ultimate truth. And without practicing and becoming familiar and understanding ultimate truth, you cannot achieve nirvana. You cannot realize the cessation of suffering unless you understand ultimate truth. But ultimate truth is for those who had faced conventional truth, for those who are intimate with anxiety, And in order to be intimate with anxiety, we have to practice compassion.

[68:43]

Really deeply practice compassion in order to be able to settle into this world of suffering and be intimate with it. Then we can receive ultimate teachings. And it isn't like Buddha is necessarily waiting to teach it until that time. We're naturally open to it. The teaching has been coming all along. We're just naturally open to it. Now, sometimes it seems like somebody actually starts talking to us, but basically it's always there. And we just have to be careful that we don't study it before we've done our homework in the world of anxiety. That's all we just need to be careful of that, because we can get distracted from our work of compassion if we hear about the teaching of ultimate truth and start getting involved with it too early. But, you know, your job now is to develop more and more love so that you can become more and more intimate with the conventional world of suffering. And when you're intimate, you can realize that there is an end of suffering.

[69:50]

Okay? Yes? If I understand you correctly, you talk about the craving and the addictions, and then on the other side, the self-mortification. Could it also be that sometimes the craving and addiction for the understanding and the knowledge can also be a distraction from the practice? Yes. [...] So, when you think about certain saints or certain bodhisattvas, you can think about them And when you think about them, it's possible to think about them and feel really, really a lot of pleasure. Just look at this work of art up here, Shakyamuni. Isn't he a good-looking guy? Every time I look at him, I say, God, he's good-looking. I almost always feel sensual pleasure when I look at this face. Okay?

[70:54]

Now, this face is nothing compared to what this face represents. If I think about the Buddha... If I read about the Buddha, I feel good. Almost always. It just feels good to hear about what we can realize. That's central pleasure. It's like a sunrise or a sunset. It's like a full moon on a clear night sky. These things are pleasant sometimes. So the teachings and the practices, just thinking about them and just aspiring to them can be pleasant. It can be a mentally sensual pleasure. And if you indulge in them, if you use them as a way to turn away from your life, they also are addictions. And we can become addicted to that. Yes. So you can use practice to distract yourself from your practice. Definitely. Again, we're devoted to these kinds of distractions.

[72:05]

So we're looking for any possible way to get away. And we're really good at it, mostly. That's not a problem at being good at this. As a matter of fact, that is the problem, is how good we are at it. The people who aren't so good at it, they have the problem of facing their suffering. But they are. As someone said to me the other day, I must be on the right track because I'm really feeling anxious. And I said, you are. You're on the right track if you're feeling your anxiety. It's not you're on the right track that you are anxious. You're anxious because you're a little off. Your understanding is not right, so you're anxious. But that you're feeling it means you're on the right track. And if you're feeling it steadily, that means you're on the right track steadily.

[73:07]

And that means also you're probably practicing patience and kindness to yourself, because you wouldn't be able to face this steadily if you weren't taking pretty good care of yourself. So it's OK to take good care of yourself when you're facing this hard stuff. Matter of fact, you have to. And also, once again, you cannot take good enough care of yourself. Nobody can. You can do your part, which is great, but you also have to realize that other people, realized beings and ordinary beings too, Enos and Doans and Tenzos, are also supporting you. And your fellow sitters, practitioners, they're supporting you. And the realized Buddhas are supporting you. All that's supporting you too. We need tremendous support to do this very difficult thing. So if you're doing the difficult thing, that means you're accepting the support.

[74:08]

And if you're not able to do the difficult thing, you need to come and ask for some more support. And we need to do some fundraising for you. We need to work on getting enough support to do the work. Because we need a lot of support. We need it, and we need to feel it. Otherwise, we just simply will give up, at least temporarily, will give up on doing this hard job, because it really is hard. Don't you think? Isn't it hard? It is hard. OK? We have to become intimate with the world where beautiful birds come into the courtyard and eat our goldfish.

[75:26]

That actually happened, I guess, in this very courtyard. Birth and death, birth and death. Bert who's in charge of the schedule told me that I could go on forever. So I want to say something else. And I'm going to say it again tomorrow. So Clay's question, completely want to say this. Xenon Patrick Dogen says that after you settle into a steady, immobile city, think, and he says, think, not thinking, argue, think, not thinking, non-thinking.

[76:48]

Now, when he said think, not thinking, that's the kind of thinking that Putin does. Buddha does kind of thinking, which is beyond thinking. How do you do the kind of thinking of Buddha does? By non-thinking. What is non-thinking? Non-thinking is what I've been talking about this morning. Non-thinking is to be intimate with your thinking. Non-thinking is to be intimate with your smelling, tasting, The meaning of thinking is just thinking. That's the way to realize who it is thinking. Not thinking is not that you're not thinking. It's that there's intimacy with the thinking that's going on. Not thinking is not that you're not feeling something.

[77:55]

That's the way.

[78:01]

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