This is the pure and simple karmic true practice of the true mind of faith, of the true body of faith. Just in case someone wants to send me any kisses. One human female was born in my house, calls me daddy, and of course her daddy is a Zen priest.

[01:51]

And as a result of her daddy being a Zen priest, She had to kind of make some distance from Zen. So, you know, she had to sort of not be a Zen student. And I didn't force her to be a Zen student, because she had to find her own way. maybe after her daddy is not here anymore in this world, she will be a Zen student. But she had to have her own way. Does that make sense? Yes. So I want you to find your own way, too. So if I talk about... the spirit, the heart of enlightenment, bodhicitta, the wish to become supremely enlightened.

[02:59]

If I talk about this, I want you to find your own way. I don't want to bring this up and make you feel like you have to go someplace else. And as I told you, many Zen students come to me and say, you know, I'm interested to practice, but I don't want to be Buddha. It's too much. I don't want to save all sentient beings. Okay, fine. It's really okay. But I'm interested in this bodhisattva vow, this wish to become Buddha, and I talked to you about it. And I want to talk some more today with you about this bodhisattva vow and about this vow to hear the true Dharma, to hear the true truth, to hear the highest truth.

[04:12]

and to meet the highest truth and take care of the highest truth. And I mentioned a couple of days ago that we say that we vow to hear the truth and meet the truth and And when we meet the truth, we will give up worldly affairs, which means give up being distracted from the truth. Give up distractions from the truth. When they come up, when distractions from the truth come up, we just make them an offering to Buddha and then go back and take care of the truth. This is a vow. the bodhisattvas have, they take care of.

[05:25]

Always taking care of the truth, always being taken care of by the truth, always supporting the truth, always being supported by the truth, always being supported by the vow of the truth. But then it says, although our past evil karma has greatly accumulated, Or you could also say, but I vow to take care of the true dharma, but evil karma has greatly accumulated and now there's some obstruction to my work to take care of the truth. Because of my past, I feel some resistance to taking care of the truth, or I feel some distraction. I have some other besides taking care of the truth. I have some karmic obstruction because of my past action to giving the Buddha way to the Buddha way moment.

[06:39]

I have some habitual obstacle to just taking care of the path of peace and justice and truth. So may all Buddhas who have attained the Buddha way be compassionate to us and free us from these karmic effects so that we can practice the way without hindrance. May they share with us their compassion which fills the boundless universe with the virtue of their enlightenment and teachings. Buddhas and ancestors of old were like us and we shall be Buddhas and ancestors. Honoring, revering,

[07:43]

Buddhists, we are one Buddha. Honoring revering ancestors, we are one ancestor. It says, you know, may all Buddhas and ancestors who have attained the Buddha way, may all Buddhas Be compassionate to us and free us from any distraction from living the path of truth. But another way to say it is, I request the Buddhas to be compassionate to us. I invite the Buddhas to be compassionate to us. I invite the Buddha way to be compassionate to us. I invite the truth to be compassionate to us.

[08:50]

So I propose to you that the truth isn't just some objective thing up on the altar or throughout the universe. It's not just objective. I propose to you that the truth is responsive, that the truth is interactive, that the truth is conversational, that the truth is dramatic, that it's dialogue, dialogical. The truth is the truth and it emerges through interaction, it emerges through It emerges through talking with it. It emerges through making requests of it. The truth is the truth. The truth must be everywhere. Everywhere there's a truth of everywhere. The truth is in everything.

[09:57]

There's a truth of everything. And that truth is the truth of everything, but it responds when we talk to it. Especially if we talk to it respectfully, patiently, graciously, wholeheartedly. Wholeheartedly say, please come and talk to me, Supreme Truth. And when you first, if you invite the Truth to come and meet you, you might think, I invited But part of the problem why we may feel the truth doesn't come is because the truth doesn't come later. It comes exactly at the moment that you say, please, come. So if you say, please come and look for where's the truth, you missed, it already came when you said, when you say, please come, it's right there on your lips.

[11:07]

It's kissing you when you say, come. Come. It's right there. Not later, right now. You can't get it because it's your lips. It's your heart that is inviting. You're inviting heart. As soon as your heart invites, the truth is there. The Buddha is there. Of course, the Buddha is always right next to your heart. Don't say, please come, it doesn't emerge as, as, please come. There's a story about two Zen monks. You could call them Zen teachers, Zen masters.

[12:12]

One's name is Sao Shan. And Sao Shan is one of the founders of Suo Shan in China. Sao Shan and Dung Shan. Dung Shan is Sao Shan's teacher. And Dung Shan's teacher is Yun Yan, the sandal maker. So yin-yang, deng-shan, sa-shan. So another Zen teacher comes to sa-shan and says, no, I think, no, sa-shan says to another Zen teacher, the highest truth is like vast space. pervading everything. And it manifests in response to beings.

[13:22]

And he said to the other teacher, oh, it manifests in response to beings, like the moon in the water. The moon reflected in the water. And then he says, what is the principle of this responding between the truth and beings? What principle do you see there? And the other Zen... It's like a donkey looking into a well. Did you understand that? Donkey? So a donkey goes over to a well and looks down into it. Do you understand? I mean, do you understand the words? A donkey looking into a well. And Sasan says, that's pretty good.

[14:33]

You got 80% on that test. And the other monk says, well, what do you say? And he says, it's like the well looking at the donkey. And then later someone wrote a poem of and said, flowers consciously fall into the flowing stream. That's one side. The other side is, the flowing stream unconsciously carries the fallen flowers. That's the other side.

[15:34]

Another Zen story is about the Zen teacher. His name was Yun Mun. yin-men yin-yen yin-yen means cloudy cliff yin-men means cloudy gate or door and so yin-men had a way of teaching that he would ask questions and then he would answer the question this is one example So he says to the monks, basically, what was Buddha, Shakyamuni Buddha, doing his whole life? What was he doing his whole life? And then the answer he gave was, literally, the Chinese characters are meeting, meeting one, or meeting each, teaching.

[16:53]

Meeting each, teaching. ...what Buddha was doing during the whole lifetime of teaching. A short translation of that would be, what was Buddha doing his whole life? An appropriate response. Do you know that word? Appropriate, like apropos, to the point. a response to the point. So, Buddha meets something, meets another person, meets another person, human person, tree person, animal person. The Buddha meets something and in response to the meeting, teaches something. And the other side is the practice of the student whose learning is meeting whatever, or meeting each.

[18:23]

No mind. Meeting each thing with no mind. literally in Chinese, that meeting each, no mind, without mind. But the way I would say it to you is, meet each with complete relaxation. Complete relaxation is the same as without mind. It isn't that there's no mind, it's just that you give it away That's the way Buddha meets people, and that's the way Buddha teaches. Buddha's Buddha, so all Buddha has to do is meet, relax, and give herself. That's her teaching.

[19:24]

And each person is making a different request. So Buddha gives this to her, this to her, this to her, this to him, this to him, this to her. And if she is doing the same practice on the other side, meeting whatever, meeting whatever, with complete relaxation, then the transmission of the truth is not hindered. If you feel you can't meet that way, meet each person with no mind, then you say, karmic obstructions have greatly accumulated being the causes and conditions of me not being able to give up my mind when I meet people. I meet this person. There's my friend. There's my enemy. There's my girlfriend. There's my boyfriend. Okay? Each person meets and give it up.

[20:27]

Give it up. Give it up. Give it up. I can't do that. I have to hold on to it. This is my boyfriend. This is my enemy. I can't give it up. That's karmic hindrance. Confess. I can't meet each person with complete relaxation. I'm tense, and I don't want to give up my tension. I want to hold on. My name's interesting, huh? Attention. Some people think Suzuki Roshi named me Attention Because of tension. I don't want to give up my tension. I know some people, they don't want to give up their tension. I'm tense and you can have your own. Let me have my tension. Okay. You can have your tension.

[21:28]

The turtle shells are melting. They are melting. If you say, I don't want Buddha. Leave me alone, Buddha. I want to hold on to my attention. Buddha says, I'm right here with you. Take your time. I give you. You, student who resists, you are a great gift to me. You are my great friend. Okay, I'll do it again. Thank you so much. Oh, I'll do it again. Thank you so much. The Buddha's growing. The Buddha's patience is growing. The more we resist, but if you get tired of resisting, you could say, I'm resisting.

[22:41]

I'm sorry. And may all Buddhas who have attained the Buddha way be compassionate to me and all other resistant beings and free us from resisties so that we can meet the Buddha, so we can invite the Buddha. And when the Buddha comes, when the truth comes, that wants to talk with us, that emerges through us looking at the well and the well looking at us. If you want to, Or just confess that you don't want to invite. And sometimes you're thinking, like the donkey, and you're looking in the well, and the unthinking Buddha meets you. Sometimes you're not thinking, you're the well, and the thinking Buddha meets you.

[23:44]

I want to talk to you about mindfulness. And I thought I'd talk to you about the four foundations of mindfulness. And this morning I thought about this book that was written by Thich Nhat Hanh called Miracle of Mindfulness. So mindfulness is part of this. You have to be in your body. You have to be mindful of your body. You have to give yourself to your body. You have to wholeheartedly be who you are in order to meet the Buddha. You have to have your face

[24:58]

and then bring your face to meet each thing. You have a face. It's always there when you meet things that you have to put the face on. Mindfully put it on. Mindfully put your body on. And be your body and be your face. And then, completely meet whatever comes with complete relaxation. And Buddha's doing the same thing. Buddha's putting on her body. When you invite Buddha to come, Buddha puts on her body and comes to complete relaxation. So Buddha's practicing mindfulness. of her body, and now you practice mindfulness of your body. Now you're both in your bodies, and now you come to meet face to face. But you have to have your face so that Buddha can meet your face. And be relaxed and open for the conversation.

[26:14]

Okay, a couple of these. As many as you like. They're for you. I have a commitment to share with you. The word commitment, you know what that is in Swedish? Commitment? What time? Is that good? He's going to share a commitment with me. I vow to follow the path of the bodhisattva. I promise to give myself to myself and thus others to others to save all sentient beings all sentient beings I intend to see everything that arises as a gift I vow to surrender into Buddhahood

[28:36]

and go beyond the beyond. May you always be like this. Thank you for the gift of your life. I thought this twisting thing was so nice when I saw it. I thought I'd try it out. Hmm. Well, I want to say thank you for asking Steve to move three inches.

[30:12]

That was great. And then for your first words. And when you started talking this morning, that's really great. Because I have big doubts about... I mean, it shouldn't mean anything, but I have problems with the word, like, ultimate truth, because it excludes. I mean, I don't have any problems with the teaching per se, but if you talk about Buddha, but if you, I mean, if you could talk about really... It could come in any way. It could come through God, Allah, through Ujjabi, through flowers, through, but just anything. But when you say alternate truth and Buddha, then you put it in a little, I have a problem with that. Well, I do too. I do too. You do? That's why I don't mean, I mean truth that's inclusive. so Buddha could be Allah and God. It was so nice when you started talking, because I was thinking I was going to sit in front of you and be provocative and critical, and you totally disarmed that, and I'm so grateful.

[31:17]

That was great. Did you read my mind? Did I read your mind? Maybe you did. I was thinking, did he read my mind? Or did other people bring it up, perhaps, during the talks that share the feelings of this exclusiveness? The truth, the conversational, what do you call it, mutuality truth, the truth of responsiveness, must be inclusive. It's not like there's some truth over here that exists separate from the needs of beings. So the responsiveness and the inclusiveness go together. So Buddha can have several names? Yes, infinite names. There's actually a sutra that has, I believe, I'm not sure how many, but the names of Buddha.

[32:21]

And also, Buddha used to be in the list of saints in the Catholic Church. But then when the Catholic scholars removed Buddhism, they removed Buddha. But Buddha used to be Saint Jehoshaphat. Jehoshaphat was the way that they said bodhisattva. Bodhisattva, Jehoshaphat. So people came to tell the church, this great being, this great bodhisattva. When they heard about it, they made this person a saint. and they heard about the life of Buddha and the things he taught, they said, oh, this is really a great saint. So they made him a saint. But then they found out, oh, it's Buddha. But the historical Shakyamuni Buddha is one of the ways Buddha can appear.

[33:33]

And Buddha must appear as a historical Shakyamuni, or as Rumi, or as Jesus, or as, you know, we name it, Muhammad. Buddha must appear in response to people's needs. People in India need one thing, people in China, people in Iran, people need different things, and the truth appears in response. And so it's an inclusive truth. Nothing is excluded. It's whatever beings need. So beings should also be flexible like that. The truth should be flexible, creative, and everybody's a creation. Thank you. That's very nice. Then I can stay without feeling any remorse. Thank you. It's a language question.

[34:42]

Sometimes you refer to a product as her. Is that the same? Inclusiveness. Inclusive, and which her you talk about? Her. Her, thank you. Her and him and neither. Whatever helps people, that's the truth that I'm talking about. Meet each and teach. That's Buddha. That's what Buddha does. Buddha is what meets each being and teaches each being how to be free and happy. And sometimes when Buddha meets the beings, they don't want Buddha, so Buddha just meets them again and again until armor drops away. And then they accept the meeting So I think it's important to say use the her and the him.

[35:43]

Is that okay? Is that why it says ancestors also instead of patriarchs? What does that mean? Ancestors came before. The people who lived a long time ago. like Hei Hei Koso and Yuen Yen and Dung Shan, Sao Shan, all these ancients, old-time Buddhas. Not all men. Some of them are transsexuals. In India, Bodhisattva, the Bodhisattva of compassion, in India, usually it was a male figure.

[36:48]

But in China, at a certain point, it started to change into a female figure. And then, the most common Buddhist figure besides Buddha And I think in China, even more common than Buddha is the female form of Avalokiteshvara. So Avalokiteshvara and Buddha, all the bodhisattvas vow to not hold on to their gender and help people. So if it helps people to be a woman, I vow to be a woman. If it helped people to be a demon, I vow to be a demon. Whatever Buddha manifests that way and doesn't hold that, gives that up once his job is done. So there's no fixed, exclusive truth.

[37:54]

I wonder how could I then give myself to myself if not even my gender to myself? Give your gender to your gender. That's all. If you really give yourself to yourself, you won't be able to find yourself. But anything you have, a gender, a name, a feeling, a body, give yourself to that, be wholeheartedly that, and then be free of that. And then you will be relaxed with that, and then you can meet just like the Buddha, and teach. But you have to, first of all, have the body that you seem to have.

[39:23]

When I sit here and practice, it works. give the demons or the parts of me back to where they belong. Can you hear her? Yeah. When she's sitting here, it works to give the demons to themselves. But... Yeah. It's... One thing coming back to me, and I don't know exactly how to handle that. It doesn't work in this way to give them to them and give me to me. And it's the picture of my husband dying.

[40:38]

It comes to me when I'm sitting and I am helping him the way I can. But it's like, I don't know what to do with it. If a picture of my teacher dying comes to me, I feel encouraged to practice. When you see the picture of your teacher dying, does that inspire you to practice? Yes, I... I knew I asked all my parts or my, well, everything inside me to, to meditate and to, upon this fact that I, my husband is dead and that I was with him when he died.

[41:59]

Yeah. So this is the image of your husband. It can be a place if the soil, the earth that you plant flower where you plant the lotus truth in that image. This is a very good place to build the practice. Is image of your husband healthy? That's perfectly good. Image of your husband struggling? Image of your husband dying? Image of yourself? These are the worldly images or the earthy images, that's where we plant the practice, in the mud. Everything's saying, please plant the practice here. And then everything's feeding the growth of wisdom and the growth of compassion, suffering, pleasure,

[43:13]

This is where we sit and relax, and then relax so that the spirit of compassion can grow. Thank you. First, I'd like to say that I'm glad that you're here, all of you. And I just want to look at you before I sit down with my back. Come on. I also wanted a VAR.

[44:41]

You want to give a VAR? Give. Maybe that's the way to say it. Because you suggested a bank yesterday and it shakes like a tree out there. And I'm still shaking. I'm shaking. Are you saying that when you considered giving a vow, you started to feel some shaking? Yes. What you said made me ring like the bell. I resonate to it, but I decided to respond. Can you hear me? Yes. Okay. He said when I spoke to Bank yesterday about, Bank said he wanted to see everything that comes as a gift. And then I mentioned to him he could lift that want up by making it a promise or a vow to see everything.

[45:46]

And he's been considering that. But Mikael, when he heard that, he resonated with that. And he's been considering that vow since then. Exactly. And also, I'm glad that you're here to be my witnesses, to support me in this. And also, I sort of want to touch the earth. I really wish I could touch the ground so I We include the whole planet in this. But I do include. The floor rests on beams, rests on cement, plinths. The earth is here. So I vow to take care of everything that comes as a gift. We witness your vow.

[46:55]

We witness your promise. I sit here to have a ceremony about my demons.

[48:03]

I sit here to have the ceremony of my demons. I feel my heart beating. I hear the water. Can you hear him? I feel my heart beating. I hear the water. I'm calming down. And I sit here because I'm finished with my demons. I'm here to challenge. Take them as a gift. You've had enough? Yes. You're ready to make them a gift? Yes. I'm not there that I take the vow, but I'm here to... and give them.

[49:23]

Accept them and make them a gift now. You're not saying about later, you're just saying now. Yes. I feel that I'm I'm with your talk. I resonate with your talk. When you finish talking, I feel my expectation on that my demons are lurking on me. Expectation demon? No. It's the Olympics soon and I can feel that they're running fast. Did you hear that? It's the Olympics soon. They're coming, the Olympics. And these demons... I enjoyed your comparison to play the game of the demons.

[50:37]

It tastes nice. It tastes nice. Yes. And I also, when we talked the other day, I'm very fond of the word gracious. He's fond of the word gracious. And you can't. Sometimes I feel it's easier to relax. Sometimes you feel it's easier to relax? Yes. To be able to just to be there, just to breathe.

[51:50]

Well, relax first. And then when you're relaxed, maybe some words will come graciously. Start with graciousness. which is similar to start with doing nothing. Just let what's happening as an act of graciousness, and then see what action comes from the graciousness. This is where Buddha acts from. Join Buddha at that place of graciousness. Join Buddha in liberating our beings. I can enjoy that, but I feel my karma is weighing me down a bit.

[53:06]

And I'm tired of that, and I want to do something about it. For many years ago, I sat for quite a long time, and my wife said then, Tristan, you were much clearer and more to the point, to the ground, or grounded. Grounded. Grounded. Your wife said you... Yes, yes. But my, here comes the but, and my karma, I see it and I accept it as a gift. Karma, and you welcome it? Yes. I'm proud of it. Proud of it? And you accept that pride is a gift?

[54:14]

Yes. I do too. And this was my about demons. This is your demon ceremony. Yes. Thank you for everybody. You're welcome. Thank you. I would like to do a ceremony of recognition.

[55:39]

Can you hear him? Yeah. I came to this retreat from another religious tradition, and during this week I've come to realize whole being, Babi Ahmad, that the practice is one and the Dharma is wonderful. I want to say again that there's some rumor in the world that the Buddha discouraged his disciples from doing ceremonies.

[56:56]

And that's not false. because he did discourage them from doing certain ceremonies which were prevalent, which were common in India at that time, which some of them actually knew how to do before they met Buddha. But he did encourage them to do some ceremonies. For example, he encouraged them to do the ceremony of coming to the teacher and asking about the truth. And there was a ritual, ceremonial form that they followed, supported them to do. So the ceremony of going to meet the teacher and expressing yourself is a ceremony that Buddha did with her students and we're still doing now. Also the Buddha did the ceremony when the Buddha was alive.

[58:04]

He did the ceremony of people confessing. The shortcomings in that practice. Also did that ceremony. He also did the ceremony of becoming a member of the community. Very simple ceremony. The student would ask to join the community and the Buddha would say, come. And they would come. It's a simple ceremony for entry. So I just want to point out that, again, my understanding is that the Buddha did do ceremonies with her students. There was some turning down of the ceremonial repertoire to some extent among his students. And in India, the Brahmin class, a number of his students were Brahmins, and Brahmins make their living by doing ceremonies. So his Brahmin students, particularly, if they became members of the community, he did not encourage them to continue to make their living by doing ceremonies.

[59:12]

I think he wanted them to do ceremonies to become Buddha. Oh, money. Hmm. Congratulations on completing this.

[60:39]

I heard you'll be leaving this place. We will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile. He's leaving after lunch today, I heard. sitting this much, right? and congratulating him. I hope it was helpful. Very much. I would give you a gift. I'm showing my understanding of this Sendo and Budo motion weight taught by for a while with everybody. Only has to be present.

[61:47]

My heart is beating. I would like to make a ceremony to take everything to my life as a gift. But I don't dare. I'm not brave enough. But I'm longing for it. It was so blessed. You're doing the ceremony of longing. I'd like to say I give up to take everything that's come to my life as a gift. You would like to?

[65:32]

I'd like to say that. Are you ready to say that? I'd like to. It's very hard to see everything comes in one's life as a gift. But I'm longing to say. I hear you. I'm happy to hear you say that. That's easy to see as a gift. What are you doing now? Shall I try? Hmm? Shall I try? Are you ready? Perhaps tomorrow.

[66:38]

Yeah, perhaps tomorrow. Perhaps I'm not alive tomorrow. Then I miss the moon. Perhaps you're not alive tomorrow. But then the day after you might be again. ahem, ahem, I make a vow that I shall try to see everything as gifts.

[67:53]

Okay. You vow to try. I vow to try to see everything as gifts. Is this a vow? It's a vow. It's a vow. It's a vow. It's a... Is it a promise? It's a promise that I shall try to see... That you should try. I shall... You try to see everything as it is. And I'm very happy to hear your vow. I witness it. And everyone else here witness it?

[68:56]

Do you witness it? Yes, witness. There's a fortune. Watch out, there's something. I have a little gift for you.

[70:05]

The way my hands are, do you see? This is a way of holding your hands when you're meditating, which we give to people. This is supposedly the way Buddha holds her hands when she meditates. This is one of the ways. Another way is like this. But Shakyamuni Buddha, usually this way. Sometimes Shakyamuni Buddha meditates like this. This is a meditation of asking the earth to witness her vow to be still until all beings as touching the earth saying, witness my vow.

[71:26]

And then this is the meditation of sitting still. This is a challenging mudra. It requires usually quite a bit of practice before you can do it in a relaxed way. Just like Christian said, sometimes it's hard for him and relax together. So if you have trouble relaxing with this mudra and you feel more relaxed with your hands on your knees or something, that's okay with me. Then see if you can make this mudra and be relaxed. And if you start tensing up and maybe relax again.

[72:30]

There's a way of holding this mudra that's really quite relaxed. It took me a long time to find it, so some of you a long time to find it, a relaxed way to hold it. I just wanted to give this to you, OK? May I ask you, what happens to your arms? Are you resting them? No. My wrists are touching my thighs, but not resting them. So actually, I can actually hold my hands out like this, too. Right about here. There's a way of doing that. This is actually quite relaxed. I can hold it here. But I feel better when I'm touching my abdomen in close.

[73:34]

But we're not leaning on our legs. We're in posture. Now, on the other hand, if you do it without leaning on your thighs and you start to get tense and you feel more relaxed putting on the thighs, then do it that way. But the way I'm showing you is touching the thighs and touching the abdomen but not leaning on it. That's more... more relaxed, actually, and more awake. But hard to find the position. It took me a long time to find it. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of hours to find it. But then I found it. And pretty much I can find it again and again.

[74:39]

Is that enough for this morning? Someone's coming? I've had an interest for this, the Buddha way, for many years. I lived in Japan for a few years, where it was more like an integrated part of society. At the same time, I think it was more of a distant interest, a remote interest, which I didn't have time to deal with due to work, children, etc. I got this invitation to come here from a dear friend.

[76:16]

And it's been interesting. Good and bad. But interesting. But overall, a very learning experience. So my question to you then, I have two questions really. The first is I want to understand more of the Buddha way. going forward from here. What's the best path? The best path is be yourself. Moment by moment. Be where you are. Be mindful of what you are and be gracious towards what you are. If it's good, welcome it. Not in general, but specifically. Welcome what's happening. Yeah. If it's difficult, if it's in you, if it's outside you, be the person you are with whatever's happening, in what's ever happening, by what's ever happening.

[77:33]

That's the best way. Okay. Read. Read. Read. Okay. When you're not reading, don't read. I have another question as well. You said something that stuck with me. That a thought that's not taken care of is a lost thought. Something like that. I believe I might have misquoted you. What was the question? He said, a thought that's not taken care of, it's a lost thought. Yeah. And I might have said that, but I think the question is, is that true or do I agree with that? Yeah. I mean, can you elaborate a little bit more about it?

[78:38]

Maybe I'm just... I think I would say that a thought that's not taken care of is a lost opportunity of being gracious. So if I meet you, or if I meet a thought in my own mind, I missed an opportunity to practice the way, to be gracious. Every person I meet, if I don't welcome them, I miss the opportunity to meet them and to practice the way with them. So I miss that opportunity. However, if I practice in the future and meet beings in the future, and I'm playful with that, that can heal the past moments of forgetfulness and distraction.

[79:48]

I understand, doctor. Thank you. You're welcome. I had many meetings with you in my mind. Thank you for coming. With lots of profound questions. And I'd like to be here without any profound questions.

[80:59]

You'd like to be here with nothing, just you and me. Me too. I'm having a problem with the word promise. Promise?

[82:05]

Yeah, to promise. I cannot... It's kind of a tension in that word for me. I cannot see the openness, the flexibility in the word to make the promise. It's kind of some hardness in that for me. Can you understand what I mean? Yeah. Though I feel like to make a vow, but to make it into a promise, then I feel like it gets... Vow in English. Vow, promise, oath.

[83:07]

Oh. Oath is another word. They're basically synonyms. And commitment. You know, when you commit, it's kind of like you commit your foot to the earth right here. It's committed. It's committed. So there's a kind of, there's a little bit of like putting yourself in a certain place and time when you vow or when you promise. And there's a, it can get, you can feel some heaviness there. It's possible. Because then I feel, if I make a promise, then I can break the promise. Then I have to deal with the Yes, that's right. So I get in a position where I feel kind of locked in, somehow.

[84:10]

In ancient times, when people made promises, if they didn't have a witness to the promise, then they could agree to some punishment if they broke the promise. Like... The Vikings used to do that. If you make a promise and you break the promise, you cut off your hand or your arm. They used to do that, the Vikings. They used to make the promise. And they would say, I promise to do this and if I don't follow through, you can cut my arm off. And we also have the expression in English, I'll be damned. You know damned? So it followed from, I'll be damned if I don't do this.

[85:13]

It's lost. We don't use it that way anymore. Because the vowing practice is strong in modern English-speaking countries. But it used to be, I will follow this practice or I will be damned. So this is the ancient way. Now, in modern times, it's similar. I go to someone who I respect, and maybe in a community, and I make a vow, and the witness makes it... actually, in one sense it makes it heavier, but also it lifts it, it makes it higher. And then if you go against it, you feel it more. So if I say to you, I want to be kind to you, and the next day I'm not kind, maybe I don't feel great, because I told you I wanted to be kind to you.

[86:16]

And you could say to me, you wanted to be kind to me, and today... I don't feel like you're being kind. And I might say, oh yeah, that's right, I'm sorry. But if I say to you, I promise to be kind to you, and then I'm not kind to you, then it bothers me more. But I don't want to be bothered if I'm not kind to you. I feel good that if I'm bothered, that I'm not kind to you. So promising to be kind helps me be kind. But it makes not being kind more unkind. But if I would take a vow to give myself to myself, And if I wouldn't be able to do that.

[87:19]

Yeah. And feeling bad when you do something is repentance. Repentance means to feel Remorse, the English word remorse means to taste, like manja, to taste again. So, it isn't just that the bodhisattva confesses when she doesn't give herself to him. She does confess when she notices, I didn't give myself to myself. I wasn't even anywhere near myself. I was totally distracted. So I couldn't give myself to myself. Or I was there, but I didn't give myself to myself. I wanted to be somebody different from who I am. I wasn't giving myself. I wanted to get rid of myself.

[88:23]

And I promised to give up that way and be gracious. And I don't feel good about that. And that feeling sorrow or sadness of not doing what you want to do that pushes you back into where you want to be. So it's confession and repentance. It's not just confession. And repentance is a feeling of... In English, repentance is a feeling of sorrow that reforms you, that puts you... For example, in the path of graciousness. in the path of giving, in the path of mindfulness, in the path of relaxation, in the path of being ready to meet the Buddha. Because I feel like I cannot give a promise that I will

[89:29]

succeed, to give myself to myself all the time, because I can... You're not promising to succeed, you're promising to do something. It's not quite the same as saying, I know I'm going to, I know I will do what I promise. But I promised, and if I don't do what I promised, I think I probably will feel bad because I promised. There's a power in promising. Promising power. I can say later it has some dark sides, but it is powerful. And all the Buddhas have promised, they all promised, all the Buddhas promised to live for the welfare of other beings. But it isn't that after they promised, as Bodhisattvas, that they never forgot.

[90:35]

They sometimes forgot. The promise didn't change. They still had the same promise. They didn't say, I'm going to take away my promise. They just said, I feel bad. Even the Buddha, in his last lifetime, sometimes acted that were not like a bodhisattva. And when he acted that way, he felt bad. And he said he felt bad. So, if you don't make a promise, you will feel bad. You will feel bad in a different way than if you do make a promise. Hmm. So the bodhisattvas have the pain of not following their path. That's their pain. And they have the joy of following their path.

[91:39]

In order to have more joy of following their path, they promise to follow their path. They commit with witnesses to follow the path. Without the commitment, most people cannot follow it very well. With the commitment, people can follow it really well, but still making mistakes. I think I have the commitment in myself, but I... You do have the commitment, you're right, but we all have this commitment to be Buddha, to be Buddha in every way. We all have the commitment to benefit the whole world. That's reality. We all have the commitment. It's our nature to be kind and to be generous. That's our nature. But if we don't do the ceremony of the commitment, we don't realize it.

[92:44]

And if we don't do the ceremony of committing to the path of compassion, then it doesn't make much sense to do the ceremony of confessing and following. So we do the ceremony of committing to the path of the bodhisattva, and we do the ceremony of confessing and repenting that we got distracted, that we... Both those ceremonies... make it so that we become Buddha. But without the ceremonies, I didn't hear of anyone that became Buddha without the ceremonies. Even though everybody has this vow in their heart. But you have to... You have to enact it with your karma, with your actions of body, speech, and mind.

[93:56]

Realize it. Otherwise, your actions are doing something else. The buddha-world is non-invasive. There's no place it doesn't reach. But without practice, it's not manifested. The buddhas are with us all the time, but if we don't invite them, they don't manifest. But if we do, they do manifest immediately with our invitation. and again, and again, and again, so that our true nature becomes part of our life, moment by moment. What are the dark sides?

[95:02]

The dark side is that there is a kind of regression, that's involved promise. Kind of going backwards to a lower level of development. So, for example, in order to... It's hard for children sometimes to actually realistically make promises because they don't have enough mental development. So in order to make a promise, there are some requirements. One is that you can tell the difference between yourself and others. Another one is that you can sense the flow of time.

[96:05]

Another one is that you have a sense of future. Another one is that you sense that this vow or this promise would be important to someone. Another thing is that you understand that you have some conflicting intentions. Children sometimes cannot identify that. When you make a vow, in some sense, you're discriminating powers which you've developed. You give up the discrimination between what you say and what you do for the moment. You say, I will do this, and you mean it, but when you're not doing it, you're saying it. So it's a kind of... Children have to learn there's a difference between saying you're going to do something and doing it.

[97:11]

Like children said, I will clean my room. And then they don't. And then there's a difference between saying you're going to clean it and then cleaning it. So then they say, I'm going to clean my room. And the parents say, does that mean, are you really going to do it? They have to learn that. There's a difference. When you vow, in some sense, you go back to being a child. You're like a child where you dare to say that you're going to do something even though you don't know if you're going to do it. And human beings often say that the only people who know what's going to happen are mind beings. So if you say you're going to practice good or practice compassion, it's only you're acting kind of like a god. So the dark side is you're sort of right at the edge of being arrogant, or when we say hubris, you know the word hubris?

[98:18]

Mm-hmm. You're on the verge of taking too much, like that you could say what you're going to do. Mm-hmm. This is part of the danger around promising, besides the danger of repentance. But repentance isn't really a danger, it's a pain. Mm-hmm. There's a sorrow that goes with promising, but then there's other dangers like regression and arrogance. And again, children, when they promise, they often would slip into being arrogant. Somehow we have to promise without being arrogant, without really thinking that we're predicting the future. And if we don't really think we're predicting the future, and yet we're committing ourselves, people feel frightened, because they know that they don't know what they're going to do, but they're promising anyway.

[99:22]

That's part of the difficulty of it, which you can see in this group, that people want to promise, but they're afraid of promising and then not following the truth, because they know it will be painful. And that's right, it will be. That's good. It's good to feel pain when you're not being compassionate. And it's good to feel pain when you are being compassionate. When you're not being compassionate and you feel pain about that, that encourages you to be compassionate. When you are being compassionate and you feel pain, not about being compassionate, but about the suffering of others, you feel great joy.

[100:26]

Did you get that? Did you? It's kind of a difficult point. When you are practicing compassion, you feel pain, pain of suffering people, and you feel joy, the greatest joy, that you love people so much that you're open to them. You'd rather be open and feel the pain than be closed and not feel the pain. This is your great joy. When you are practicing compassion, When you're not practicing compassion, you feel pain of not practicing compassion, but you don't get the joy of compassion because you're not practicing it. So compassion is a great joy that has pain. So we have these two kinds of pain. One joyful pain, the other unhappy pain. And for gracious, I say compassion.

[101:41]

Because graciousness is the first practice of compassion. And I say this to some people, I feel that you're practicing, I feel many of you, I can't be sure all the time, but I feel you're practicing compassion. to practice this schedule, to be here regularly, period after period, and to sit still, you're practicing patience. And I really appreciate that. It's very nice to see this. And I think that you're practicing patience has helped the other people practice patience. I did some retreats here at Ida Board before, and it was a smaller group, and the people had, I didn't feel that they were so successful at practicing patience, because there weren't so many helping them. But with so many patients around you, you all have been quite patient, I think.

[102:44]

So I feel the patience practice is really going well here, even though I haven't been talking about it. We've been showing it to each other very well. The surprising practice, though, the practice I'm surprising you with, which I don't think you're so familiar with, is the practice of giving. I grew up in Minnesota, which isn't quite as far north as Sweden, but it's just as cold. Minnesota is very cold, and lots of Swedish people live there. And one of the good things about living in Minnesota is that the winters help us be patient. And I think that's one of the advantages of dark places is it gives you an opportunity to practice patience. Now, not everybody practices it. A lot of people use alcohol instead to deal with the pain of the cold and the dark.

[103:54]

But it's stimulating the practice of patience. So I think the practice of patience is nice and strong in Sweden. Thank you. But the practice of giving, I feel happy to surprise you with that, with this great opportunity. And giving's first, actually. Usually, start with giving, and then precepts, bodhisattva precepts, and then patience. These are all compassion practices. Patience is compassion with pain. Giving is graciousness with pain. And bowing is available. I just think that if I would do that, I'm afraid I would get too hard to myself somehow, that I would easily become too hard to myself.

[105:19]

That's why this confession with the Buddhas. You need to look in the Buddha's kind eyes and confess and see that Buddha is not hard on you when you confess. invite the Buddhas who never are hard on you who always are gracious with you so if you're not gracious you confess it to those who will be gracious to you when you confess and be gracious to you when you feel the pain of not being generous with yourself so maybe you should find the Buddhas to confess to before you commit Thank you.

[106:27]

Now... Patience. I've come back up here. To... To... To fully... To... Wow. And I... Earlier I turned around... to meet the other witnesses. That's where it sits. I'm dying. I'm dying. I find it very hard to share this in your longing of mine with all of you.

[108:25]

So... Now I'm... back here to look at you and let to let you look at me What are you doing?

[110:08]

Thank you. Can I try this one? Can I do that? I can see you too. Yes.

[111:55]

Thank you. I can hold you for a day and I can hear you. Hmm.

[114:19]

I'm just waiting for the bell chimes over there to ring hallelujah. May our intent be to live a life strong, to live in happiness, with joy and love, that do not sway. May our intent be to live a life strong,

[115:30]

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