May I remind you that next week I will be at a prenuptial event in San Francisco, so I won't be here next week. However, I was thinking that some of you might want to come and sit together next week. And I was wondering how many people would like to come and sit here next week. One, two, three, four, five, six. Well, if one of you would volunteer to be responsible for having the keys and locking up after the session, then you could get together and have a sitting. So if there's a volunteer who would be willing to do that. Maybe you can volunteer now.

[01:04]

So maybe next week not much is going to happen in this room at this time, in terms of human habitation. So we have a class the following week. The koan that I wanted to bring up tonight, I actually would feel more comfortable whispering to you. Nancy won't be able to hear me. And maybe some other people wouldn't either. So I'm kind of yelling, but my feeling is that this is a Yeah, my feeling is this is a kind of a, what's the word, a very quiet, kind of a quiet, well, not totally quiet, but has a lot of quietness in it. This is a koan which I was struck by many years ago, and then I was struck by it again recently.

[02:16]

And it was struck. I felt it was quite flower-like, this koan. My perspective on flowers, I'm not telling you how you feel about flowers, but my sense of flowers is that when they're blooming, they're generally fragile and fragile and impermanent. often delicate. The fruit which they go with, from my perspective, is often also impermanent or perishable, but it's in some sense sturdier or heavier. And I'm attracted to both flowers and fruit, but I don't usually think of eating flowers, although

[03:19]

And I also don't think of eating fruit except when it's ripe. And so some fruits are attractive visually, like flowers are, but also they often are attractive in terms of using them as nourishment. And flowers are nourishing too, but not usually in the sense of eating them. But flowers are nourishing, and this koan is both potentially can be viewed as a flower and also relating to it. And I wouldn't exactly call flowers weak, but almost could call them weak. Flowers don't usually strike me as strong. So this is a koan about strength and weakness.

[04:23]

And the weakness that I see in this koan is demonstrated by the teacher. and the strength of the student. Someone recently noted that somebody referred to somebody as a what's it, an Asian psychiatrist or an African-American psychiatrist, a black psychiatrist, a white psychiatrist, or a white psychotherapist. But they often, they might say black psychotherapist.

[05:32]

So this friend of mine said that from now on, she's going to say, you know, psychotherapist, a white psychiatrist, white lawyer, white doctor, white politician. So that should be entertaining. So this person... sometimes refers to me, has referred to me as a coot, as an old coot. So now it's old white coot. Or little shrinking old white coot. A coot, like, it's related to a geezer. Or a codger.

[06:36]

You don't know. Geezer, codger, coot are terms for elderly people. Elderly males. So, elderly males. And codger. So you can check the dictionary and see if the dictionary says that you don't have to say that it's a male coot. I'll think about what I'd like you to call it. So one rather poetic introduction to this case, which might as well say it. Probing pole in hand, shadowing the grass around him.

[07:52]

Sometimes he wraps a ball of silk with iron. Sometimes he wraps a stone with silk. To determine the soft by means of the hard is of course correct. What about the matter of being weak? when meeting strength. Could you hear that, Nancy? What? What about the matter of being weak when meeting strength? When meeting. When meeting. Face to face. Yes.

[08:58]

No. Not that. Wrap that silk with iron. That's the introduction to this story. Here's the story. And this is a story about an ancestor in the Zen history, a major teacher, and his name is Dushan, which means virtue mountain. And there are stories about him where he is quite dramatic and fierce himself, a very energetic being. And so now this story takes place when he is perhaps a codger, a coot or a geezer.

[10:04]

Perhaps he's become a little tottery. Tottery? Huh? What's the word? Tottering. Tottering. A tottering geezer. I don't know. It doesn't say that he's a tottering geezer. But anyway, he's in the position of being the teacher in this story, and he has an attendant. And the attendant, I don't know if the attendant was assigned to him by somebody, you know, like, would you go take care of him, please? Or if the attendant was, like, happy to be his attendant because he was a great Zen teacher. Okay, jeez, I can be the attendant of a great Zen teacher. How wonderful. The attendant's name is He. So attendant He is, goes to, is attending Darshan. Teacher, something like... Where are all the great sages?

[11:14]

Where have all the great sages of heaven gone? And Sean says, what? Huh? What's that? I think that's probably, I didn't have characters, but I think that's probably what it literally says. Huh, what? And the monk says, another translation of the teacher's response is, I don't know. But I think actually that's an interpretation of, huh, what? The monk says, where have all the great sages of antiquity gone? And the teacher says, huh, what? The great Zen master says, what? And then the monk says, the attendant says, the request was a flying dragon horse or a horse that runs like a flying dragon.

[12:26]

But what showed up was a lame tortoise. the teacher, Dushan, let it pass. That's the way I first heard it translated. Just let it pass. Now the translation is, he didn't say anything. Kind of in the spirit of like being defeated, debate. Like the student kind of like, Asked him a question, he gave an answer. The student basically said, I wanted something, you know, I wanted a galloping horse, but you're like a lame tortoise. Didn't say anything. Let it pass. Weak teacher. Or, no, weak teacher.

[13:35]

The next day, Doshan came out of the bath. So again, the first way I heard this story was when Doshan came out of the bath, the attendant served him tea. And he patted the And then the attendant says, this geezer has finally gotten a glimpse. Or, hey, old man, you understand a little better today. He patted him.

[14:49]

That was a little bit better understanding. Again, this pat was interpreted verbally by some people as saying, about the koan you brought up yesterday. And the monk says, you're doing, you know, you're catching on better, old boy. And Dushan let it pass. Commenting on this story, there's ways to go. One way to go is to say, studying with a teacher, serving a teacher, don't worry about the great sages of antiquity or, you know, hot stuff.

[16:04]

Like, you know, don't worry about great Zen masters like Dushan. It's just enough to serve your teacher. Forget about the golden age of Zen and all those masters and mistresses. And just take care of your life with the people you're working with. When a person's being attendant to somebody, they may say, oh, I'm being attendant to this person who's playing the role of the teacher, and the teacher is like, you know, something. This teacher is something the student might feel. And then how much should the teacher let the student serve, how much should the teacher let the student call him teacher?

[17:16]

In some sense, the teacher should not take this seriously. The teacher should understand that the student's understanding, like for example, the student's understanding in this case is, you seem to be a lame tortoise. The student's understanding is, I'd like to see some ancient sages here. The student's understanding from a certain perspective is just kind of a student's understanding. The student's understanding in this story, I think, is that the student's understanding is not separate from the teacher's understanding. The teacher's dharma, the teacher's truth, consists of the student's understanding.

[18:28]

the student's understanding that the teacher's lame. The teacher's understanding is in the student's understanding. With the student having various opinions of the teacher and perhaps believing them, which is not the teacher's position. The teacher doesn't believe what the student believes. But the teacher's understanding doesn't believe what the student believes. What the student believes. And the teacher's understanding is totally included in the student believing what they think. Or going beyond that and getting over it. You know, and not being a student anymore. So this is a story about the teacher, the teacher being weak in negotiating this relationship.

[19:34]

The teacher being very delicate, easily crushed, but not protecting itself, you know, with some strong comeback after it almost got knocked down. As a matter of fact, just gently monk the next day when he served the tea. And then again, the monk, another strong response from this teacher's offering. And the teacher again doesn't say anything, just let it pass. When I remembered this story, I could hardly remember the student's question, you know, the first student about where are all the sages of antiquity now? Where have they gone?

[20:39]

I can't remember the question. I just remember the part about the teacher kind of like not having much of an answer and the student kind of not thinking that that was so cool, and the teacher just letting it be. That part I remembered, but I didn't remember what the student was looking for in the first place. But I did remember that the student kind of got whatever he was looking for the next day. He got a little bit of it. When the teacher patted him, he thought, oh, maybe here we have a little bit of sagehood here. Maybe the teacher patted him. There's a little sage-ness right there. That's a little bit of a wise man. I could feel it sort of the way he touched my shoulder. This is real Zen, after all. I'm happy we have this flower which blooms every spring in our tradition, and I'm happy to offer it to you.

[21:56]

There's innumerable views of this flower, of course. And if you wish to offer any more flowers about this flower, you're welcome. Would I? Yes, please. Yes. My interpretation is that the teacher has become fruit. You're using that enough for fruit and flower. And the student wanted to be a flower. Yeah. The teacher has become a fruit, and the student was looking for a flower. Yes, Bill.

[23:11]

I was wondering if I should tell you the other stories first, because he's so strong in those stories. Well, what I was saying is, if he had a record of having paid his dues, he would be entitled to dote and float. Dote and float? If you paid your dues, you have the right to dote and float. Codger is often dote. upon grandchildren. Yesterday I flew to Los Angeles to do what my daughter called a bold act of devotion. A bold act of devotion. What's the word? she proclaimed that it was a bold act of devotion.

[24:23]

I threw my body across the sky to Burbank to be present at Grandparents' Day at my grandson's school, his grandfather there. The people in the school kind of, I don't know, they ordered him to, he has this book he made describing various things that they're doing in his class, various study projects. And he had this book here, which he gave to me, and I was looking at it, and he was explaining it to me.

[25:26]

He doesn't very often sit me down and give me explanations of things and tell me stories about what's going on and what he's been doing, but they told him to do it, and he did it. And he was sitting there looking at me in the face, telling me about this. And... The tears were not so abundant in my eyes that he was embarrassed. They were just an acceptable level of... He was just so moved by his genuineness in just being there and talking to me. Part of the story was, it doesn't matter what he's saying, but he is saying something. The thing is, he's actually like... he's following the teacher's instruction and doing this thing which he doesn't like to do, like to sit there and tell your grandfather what you're doing in school.

[26:30]

But he did it. And then at a certain point, there was enough of that, and he stopped. He said, give me my book back. I wanted to look at more, but he had enough of it and took it back. Eleven. I don't know if that was a flower or a fruit that I saw. But without somebody besides me asking him to do that, he can't do it. He can't like sit right in front of me and tell me what he's doing like that. But they set him up for it and he could do it. It was worth the trip. And then I came back from Burbank to Oakland. And then I came here.

[27:37]

And I said to him, when his mother said that about this bold act of devotion, I said, I really am happy to do things in service of my grandson. Things themselves are, you know, something I wouldn't ordinarily do. Like I don't ordinarily get on airplanes and go places. But sometimes if it's my job, I do it. Sometimes when I'm at the airport, I wonder, what am I doing here? And now when I think that, I often think, well, I'm here to support the people in this line. They're doing a pretty good job, and I'm supporting them to be patient as they go through the security line.

[28:44]

But you can't actually do that without having a boarding pass. Or you could stand on it, I guess, and take it to the place where you show the boarding pass, and you could say, I don't have a boarding pass. I'm just waiting in line to support these people. But then they'd probably lock you up. So there is a question about where we should be of service, you know, who we should serve. This is a story about somebody who was serving, Deshaun, who had paid his dues for quite a long time. Yes. The teacher's response in some way really was a strong response that he was maybe mirroring the student's confusion because the student was asking about teachers' ancestors from the past rather than being present.

[30:14]

Mm-hmm. Yep. You could say he was mirroring the confusion. He was mirroring the student's distraction. You could say that. And you could say that a mirror is a strong thing. A mirror can be a strong thing, in a way. It can be a startling thing. A mirror can startle us. Right? Like, whoa-hoo. Wow! Amazing! And other times the mirror is more gentle. Sometimes the mirror just kind of lets it pass. Yes? Yes? You don't what?

[31:18]

There are contexts? Yeah, right. Yeah. And to be kind of talking about our reasons in pointing to patients, pointing to patients. And in my own personal work of working with patients and patients, how strict it takes to kind of just be spacious, that you can let it pass. It is not so much an act of So I think it's not a clear story, it's not a clear point there, what's what.

[32:29]

So may I say that you're saying that ...response or responses were strong. See, now that's encouraging to... That's encouraging to coots. Shrunk in form, they can offer something strong. to the young, the young'uns. Well, it's amazing, right? It's like the whole context. Again, the introduction could be also, you could feel from the introduction that there is this contemplation of strength and weakness, that that's part of the opportunity is to contemplate that.

[34:01]

Yes, Cindy. Well, it seems to me it's more of, like you said, the student's understanding is not separate from the teacher's. So, perception from the teacher's view of the student saying, well, I was expecting this dragon, and I got this old turtle. So, is that not the teacher... Myself. Being vulnerable to that comment. Where it could be a basic opportunity to get some, to take that comment and not be so vulnerable to it. Yeah, certainly that may be how the teacher views it.

[35:22]

That certainly is possible. But also, I kind of feel like the teacher is committed to be vulnerable. not necessarily committed to be hurt unless it's helpful, but if it's helpful, the teacher may be hurt. The teacher's committed to be insulted if it facilitates the relationship. And the teacher, yeah, the teacher may not, some teachers may be a little queasy about not being separate from their student because their student's understanding is hard to really accept being intimate with. Yeah, but the teacher in this tradition is committed to that, even though it's hard, and kind of scary. Like, if you're not separate from the student's understanding, you might get thrown in the trash bin.

[36:26]

Because students can have that understanding and still be students, but if a teacher has that understanding, maybe that's not acceptable for a teacher to have an understanding that a student has. But the teacher's committed to that. And students may be, but they don't have to be. They're allowed to be students if they're not yet ready to make that commitment. And the teacher may be is encouraging them to make that commitment so that there'll be another generation of people who aren't afraid to be fools. Or who are afraid to be fools, but they can be patient with that fear. The Chinese character for, you know, de, like as in Tao Te Ching, the de means virtue, but it also means power.

[37:28]

His name could be Power Mountain. You know, I think Arthur Whaley translated the Tao Te Ching as the way and its power. the power of the way or the virtue of the way. The way and its virtue. So here this guy's name is Power Mountain. So yeah, dynamic. You have the power to be vulnerable. The power not separate from beginners, fools, etc. Yes. The story reminds me of a principle called Tai Chi, in which overt power and aggressive power is met with a skillful not only man, so that the force of an action thrust with someone

[38:42]

Suddenly that person's not there, and the person being aggressive with whatever you want to call it is suddenly just left hanging in space, as is his intention. Mm-hmm. If somebody is skilled enough to do that. Yeah, it's like that. It seems that way anyway. Mm-hmm. Well, it also seems that when the student asks the question, and then the teacher gives the answer, the student then says, well, I wanted this, but I know I got this. It's almost like an expectation of having this burden. It's the expectation that the teacher is not responding in an expected manner, perhaps to show sometimes the gift is not what you're asking, but something else instead.

[39:46]

Right. And the teacher lets that pass. So, the student expected some spectacular answer. He's asking his sage about where the sages are, and the sage doesn't know where the sages are. And then he makes a comment on the sage not knowing where the sages are. Because he kind of expected the sage to know something about, or at least make some really brilliant response to their absence and their presence, and he didn't, from the student's point of view. And the teacher let him have his expectations. Sometimes teachers don't seem to let the students have expectations. Sometimes they say, hand over your expectations. you may be asked to hand over your expectations. Yes?

[40:49]

Do you think the student knew that he was dancing? Do I think the student knew? Yeah. Well, I think that the knowing that he was dancing, I think in the story was... enclosed in iron. Which reminds me of King's question, could you be in the lineage but not know it? Could you be dancing with the sages and not know it? Or could you know it, but cover it with iron? Could you have this silky dancing relationship with the ancestors, with the sages?

[41:52]

Yes. Would you need to know it? No. Could you know it? The dance would be knowing it. In fact, he was dancing with the teacher. We know it. Now, the iron has been removed temporarily. So now we know that he was dancing with the teacher, that the teacher's skill was not separate from or constituted the student's performance. But it looks like the student didn't know it. It looks that way, that there was a covering. this actual wonderful relationship. And it's even a covering. From some people's perspective, the covering also makes, to me, the covering of the story makes the story look kind of like outstandingly quiet or, you know,

[42:59]

There's not that many stories about the teachers having this rather bland, quiet, letting it pass answer. But there may be innumerable cases of that story, but they didn't write them down because they're so boring. But this one got written down, and I think this actually might be a little bit more common than one or two out of 100 cases What's the word? Anthropology. If you actually saw, you might find that there's actually more about what Zen's about, is to bring people down right here, rather than looking to some heaven with the sages, to come and practice right now together. I love the koans that I see. I'm aware of both the student and the teacher dancing and being awake to that dance.

[44:08]

So when I hear this koan, it appears that the student isn't awake to the dance. And there's many stories, well, there's many stories where the student isn't awake to the dance, but a lot of those stories, it looks like the teacher is, and the teacher says so. The teacher says, you're not awake to the dance. And then often there's no more comment from the student. But this one, the student's not awake to the dance. The teacher lets it pass in both cases. The teacher doesn't indict the student's understanding. The teacher demonstrates the dance very nicely. But it looks like the student's not getting it. But the teacher, I'm not separate from the student not getting it. I'm not better than the student who doesn't get that we're doing this dance together. Here we are doing, we're actually practicing together.

[45:11]

We're actually doing the thing. The student doesn't get it, and I'm not separate from him not getting it. I'm a successful teacher of a student who doesn't get it. I've successfully got a student who doesn't understand. I'm successful in that way. I'm successful because I can stand to be a teacher who has students who don't understand. It's similar to the story about the Zen. Don't you realize you're talking to somebody who can be cut through? You're talking to somebody who can be weak. I've been preparing to be weak. I've been practicing for a long time, and now I feel I can make an offering in my life. And I can make an offering by having students like you who don't understand anything. You know, I can really accept that. And I'm really successful by having students like you who don't get what we're doing together.

[46:16]

And your lack of understanding further. And the main way I'll explore it is by not saying anything that bright. And you'll get more and more I don't know what about me. The teacher also isn't invested in thinking i'm not a good teacher because he's not getting it and he does get a little bit the student gets The teacher's not invested in, but before you say anything, you say the teacher's not invested. Okay, let's look, just remember that you said the teacher's not invested in something. But that's the important thing is, the teacher's not invested in blank. And you can fill in whichever you want there now. So go ahead and fill it in. But mainly, before we do, just remember, the teacher's not invested in what?

[47:23]

In thinking. In thinking. The teacher's not invested in thinking. What else? That I'm not a good teacher because the student isn't getting... The teacher's not invested in thinking, period. The teacher's not invested in thinking I'm not a good teacher. The teacher's not invested in thinking I'm not a good teacher because the student doesn't get it, period. All those things the teacher's not invested in, plus the teacher's not invested in, blank. The teacher's not invested in blank either. In other words, the teacher's not invested in not thinking. The teacher's not invested in thinking. The teacher's not invested in not thinking. And the teacher's not invested in any thinking as you can be there. However, the teacher also, by not being invested in any of those blanks or those thinkings, can be not invested in being separate from the student who's invested in thinking. So the student's thinking, he's not a good teacher because I'm not getting it.

[48:25]

Maybe. Or the student's thinking, he is a good teacher because I'm getting it. If the teacher's really not invested in any of this stuff, the teacher is realizing nonsense from the student's thinking. So the teacher actually might as well be doing the thinking, and the teacher can do the thinking. But they're not invested in it. So teachers can think. I'm not a very good teacher because look at my students. Teachers can think that, but teachers in this school in any thinking, they should just think and let the thinking drop away and then the next one. But they can also not think. But the thing is, you've got the main thing is the teacher's not invested. And again, The teacher can demonstrate to those who are invested that somebody who's not invested is not separate from you when you're invested.

[49:30]

And they're patient with you. If you're invested, they're patient with you until the end of the investment. And it isn't like universal. Let's have a big party. But you could have a big party at that time because it might be quite wonderful if the investment came to an end and the student wasn't invested. So then the teacher might say, well, now I'm going to be invested. And you can save me from my investments. The teacher is not invested. That's the teacher's role, is to not be invested and still do stuff, like take a bath and pat people and say, I knew the answer to that question once, but I forgot. Yes? The teacher was taking a bath. The teacher was taking a bath. Splish splash, he was taking a bath. Long about a Thursday night. Yes? So he was not invested and he was also not vested.

[50:34]

He was not invested and he was not vested. Yeah, he was not vested. Well, I don't know. He might have worn some clothes into the bath. I'm just very struck by that image in terms of what you were saying earlier about vulnerability and perhaps the state of being of the teacher and how the teacher could be that vulnerable. Think of a more vulnerable moment of bathing and being helped in that moment. And I just thought of my grandson. He performed his service, and while he was performing, he was very vulnerable. That's why he doesn't usually perform it. But somehow the conditions were such that he performed this service, he was very vulnerable, and yeah.

[51:39]

And that was great. He was so vulnerable, telling me about this work that he was doing. And he doesn't usually want to be there, which is understandable. He hasn't taken me on as his teacher. And this wasn't, I wasn't either, but the people who he does accept as his teachers, I don't know what the word is, but anyway, they supported him to perform this service to his grandparent. And he was so vulnerable and so, you know, he was so naked. It was amazing. So he was doing that. And you're, you know, but you're in a position with your kids of being the teacher. So, it's a little harder for you to tell them to be you. But if you'd gave them some assignment with their grandparents, you could support them to do that for their grandparents.

[52:50]

Yes? Yes. Power is the iron, and it's not separation of all vulnerable. Teacher's vulnerable, student is vulnerable, and maturing is our relationship, how we stand in relationship. And strength. And strength, yeah. Both. Actually, there is no separation in our vulnerability, but how we process the relationship is how we mature. Because if I feel really scared or vulnerable on the inside, I might come out kind of fighting to protect that. Say again? If you what? If I feel really vulnerable on the inside, I might come out fighting to protect that, or kind of shield. Yeah, you might put iron around your vulnerability. So I think this way that we relate to our vulnerability and maturity, we all have that, is part of the maturing, our maturity, and feeling maybe not requested, or I don't know if that was the right term.

[54:23]

Maybe it's actually knowing that there's no safety. No safety or lack of safety or holes in the safety, pretty much the same as vulnerability. Vulnerability doesn't mean you're being hurt, it means you can be hurt. It's not exactly a translation. That's the usual way we say it. The practice is to welcome being vulnerable. To welcome everything, everything, and then also everything. That's the practice. Basically, welcoming. And then that's the basic.

[55:25]

Then you move on to ethics, patience, enthusiasm, concentration, and wisdom. But the basis is welcoming, learning, anyway. We don't always welcome, so then we have something to confess. I didn't welcome. I wonder, I guess you said that the teacher wasn't invested? No, I didn't say that. Vera said that. But I appreciate that she said that. I welcome that she said that. I underline that she said that. Well, apparently, yes. Apparently most people have gone through innumerable lifetimes of investment. Could be wrong, but I'm not invested in that story. But it looks like most people have done a lot of investing, and now it's time to divest.

[56:32]

But, you know, lovingly, graciously, not in our investments, carefully give our investments away. Convert all our investments into gifts. carefully, patiently, ethically, patiently, diligently, calmly, and wisely give all our investments which originally could have been seen as gifts, but we didn't see it, so they looked like investments. They were actually gifts. That was the dance. But in our immaturity, so now it's time to understand that. And it's like, we can. We can do this. We can do this. We have the rest of our lives to learn this. And that doesn't mean that that's the end of the story, but we have the rest to do it.

[57:41]

And then maybe we'll have more opportunities later to continue to learn to divest. Yes? All of this conversation makes me think, not feel, my weak attachments to everything, other passions, which of course bring a lot of pain. Yes, I would say that.

[58:43]

I would say, yeah, welcome. So now you've noticed them, so now you can welcome them. Welcome them and be careful of them and be patient with them. Then you bring benefits Attachment and the afflictions, well, they are afflictions. Attachment is a basic form of affliction. And so bring kindness to this affliction of attachment, and that will be beneficial, and that will set the stage for Meditation and wisdom to also work on the attachment. But first of all, we have to benefit the attachments before we can effectively meditate on them. I mean, benefiting them is a kind of meditation, but we're not necessarily calm with them until we benefit We have to be kind to them and then we can calm down with them and then see them clearly.

[59:47]

So the fact that you notice them and can express that you see them sets up the opportunity for you to start acting beneficially towards them. Pardon? Yeah. Yes, it does seem that way. They are insufficient. They are insufficient. They're not enough. However, they're necessary. In order to do what's sufficient, you have to start by doing those things. You first of all have to benefit these afflictions. in order to do what is sufficient. What is sufficient is wisdom. Buddha's wisdom is sufficient.

[60:47]

When you have Buddha's wisdom, that will be sufficient. Then you will not be fooled by attachment anymore. That will be sufficient. But to have that wisdom, we must first of all be very kind to the problem. Or as somebody said, you have to love the world before you can save it. You have to love your attachments before you can save them. But loving them isn't enough. You have to also see them for what they are. And for what they are, they're saved. Without changing them at all, they're saved. And this story is a very much, this story is a very much a story about not changing anything. A student was maybe looking for some changes and the teacher was not really was not reorganizing the setup. The student, in some sense, almost was running the show.

[61:48]

Yes? How often times do you go once the student wakes up, and the student's like, 65 days, and you go, oh, yeah, OK. That's going to be a lot. Yes, Mary. I'm wondering if maybe it's the attendant or a student that's actually the fragile one rather than the teacher? You're wondering if the student is fragile rather than the teacher? Right. Is the fragile one in store? Well, yeah, I think the student is fragile. The student is fragile. I agree. I wouldn't say rather than the teacher, though. I think the teacher should be somebody who's gotten used to being fragile through many years of college.

[62:59]

Fragile. or through many years of contemplating, avoiding being open to fragility, had led her to be able to actually then open to the fragility, open to the vulnerability. The teachers should, you know, to face how fragile we are. But students are fragile even before they face it. Again, my grandson, he doesn't usually like to admit that he's fragile. Even when he's crying and wants to be with his mommy, he doesn't quite admit he's fragile at that time. Like not too long ago, we were riding bicycles at Green Gulch, and I saw him approaching a speed bump. And I said, slow down, there's a speed bump. And he didn't. slowed down, and then he fell off the bike. And when he hit the ground, it wasn't so bad, but then he kept going.

[64:07]

And then it started to get really painful. And then he didn't admit that he was fragile. He was very fragile, but he didn't admit it. He said, I'm never going to ride a bike again. And then when certain people tried to assist him, he said, nobody's going to touch me. It's my body. Nobody can touch me. So he manifested and demonstrated his fragility, but he was not able to. Wow, I'm fragile. And now I'm vulnerable to people helping me to clean my scrapes and bruises. And in my case, I just, you know, I recently said in a group of priests, I was talking, you know, how long we're going to go on with this came up. And I said, well, as long as I can study like this with you, I'm up for it.

[65:09]

If I can be of help in the study, I love to do this. And... You know, if you want, I'll keep serving you in this way. And afterwards someone said, well, I feel I'm kind of not so good about that. Seems like you should stay beyond that and let your dear students take care of you. You know, not able to do anything, really. Really. when you're not the teacher the way you used to be, when you're just a ball of fragility and vulnerability and let them serve you in that state when you don't even remember what you're saying again? What's the text? By the way, that's one of the next stories I'm going to bring you. What did you say?

[66:15]

Huh? I said, good point. I was kind of like, well, I can serve as a teacher, but when I'm serving as a teacher by basically just being this, you know, deteriorating, actually not deteriorating, but this thing that's changing in such a way that he can't do any of his old services, he can't perform any of his previous duties, that then I kind of feel like, well, I'll see you later. I don't want to be here for when I'm like not able to do any of the stuff I used to do. I'm not much use to you then. But this person said, well, you know, you're offering yourself to be cared for. And that's another service which you haven't been doing maybe as much as you could do later. I said, yeah, good point. ...invested in which way you're going to be of service.

[67:23]

I'd like to be of service in this way rather than in service this way. When I'm of service this way, I'll just die. But if I'm of service this way, I'll keep living. But if this is the way I'm being of service, I don't know if I really want to And then somebody says, yeah, but that's just as good as the other one. Good point. Because I remember Suzuki Roshi, when he was dying, you know, first of all he, you know, stopped giving talks. stopped giving doksan, but he still went to the zendo. After a while, he couldn't go to the zendo. After a while, we had to carry him to the zendo. And after a while, he couldn't go to the zendo, couldn't go down the stairs. But he was still there in the building, in city center. He was still there. And he was... What he did was like, to me anyway, everything he did just went right into my...

[68:25]

It could save my heart, but it kind of like went into my bones. Everything he did was like such clear teaching. I can see so clearly almost every moment that he was, you know, while he was dying. But he wasn't teaching in the ways he used to teach. He was like teaching by wincing, you know, when incense cones got down to his skin. you know, for the mock Sebastian, he was wincing when he was teaching. And that's not usually what we think of as the way of teaching. And I also told you the story about this quite, you could say, famous Zen master who was the abbot of one of the biggest monasteries in Japan. And then after he was abbot, he retired, and then he got what they called very old.

[69:28]

And I went to see him when he was in his 80s, and he was still this great calligrapher and very neat and very energetic. And then I went to see him when he was very old. And there he was, and his students put on his robes, you know, and put him in a chair, fancy teacher's chair. And then they invited some people like me to come. I came to visit him. And then his student says, Roshi, do you remember this man? He's from San Francisco. Remember Tenshin-san? He's visiting from San Francisco Zen Center. And his eyes were just glazed and he was drooling. And I saw no sign of him recognizing anything anybody said. And I looked at him and I really thought, what is a Zen master?

[70:32]

Is this a Zen master? Or was the guy who was like doing this calligraphy, was that a Zen master? Where's the Zen master? When he was doing the calligraphy, I kind of thought, well, there's a Zen master. But I didn't really wonder, what is the Zen master? In some ways, his teaching, when he was teaching, didn't really make me wonder what a Zen master was. I just thought, well, you know, this is nice. But when he was in that state, I really wondered, what is it? What is wisdom? What is compassion? Is it gone now? When you start drooling, does the wisdom go away? If you can recognize that it's Tuesday, is that wisdom? And then if you can't … So in some ways, the most powerful teaching that he ever gave to me

[71:34]

was when he was in that state. That's when he really made me wonder. Rather than, oh, that's what Zen masters are like. And they often do have really nice calligraphy and people pay a lot of money for their calligraphy because they're Zen masters. And if it's not very good, well, maybe he's not a good Zen master. But At a certain point they say, well, when the handwriting comes really shaky, it's even more beautiful. But what about when there's no handwriting anymore, it's just drool marks? Some big scroll, you know, just a big drool mark. People look at it, is that a Zen master there? Is that Zen master drool? Your dog is your dog even when they're old. Your dog is your dog even when they're old, yeah. So, you know, this is about what is a Zen master?

[72:42]

Are they guys that give these startling, amazing answers that, you know, light the sky? Well, sometimes, yeah. Some of the stories are just dazzling. But sometimes they're just not, you don't see the But the dance is there. And what is the dance? What is the dance? It must be there all the time. Say again? The dance may be a slow dance. Slow dances are nice sometimes, right? Yes, yeah. And tortoises go even slower than turtles. Yeah. So next week, looks like we're not going to be meeting here.

[73:48]

Hopefully we'll meet the next week. And also I told you before that... There's a class here in other venues. We're starting kind of a new type of study, which sort of starts with the study of the Buddhist teachings of the unconscious mind. And so they'll be offered at various venues, but in particular we'll offer a class here in the yoga room. the unconscious support of the mind of delusion. So this is the beginning of, I think, a long study of a text called The Summary of Mahayana, The Summary of the Great Vehicle, which is a study of the mind of delusion. It starts with looking at the unconscious support of the mind of delusion. So keep tuned to your local information sources.

[74:53]

The Sanskrit name is Dhanasamgraha. It's by the great ancestor Asanga. And it's a commentary. Basically, it's a commentary on the Samdhinir Mochana Sutra. And Donald Moyer and Linda Kugosa have a publishing business and they're publishing a commentary on the Samdhinir Mochana Sutra. And And then the Mahayana Sangraha is a commentary, an ancient commentary, on that sutra. And so that… towards that for a while. And it seems to be going quite slowly, so it'll probably be a while. But I'm really… I'm enthused about what a rich object of contemplation it is. inform you of this direction.

[76:04]

And the publisher of the translation will be very happy that I'm doing this. The publisher of the translation of Samgraha, which is in English, Summary of the Great Vehicle. But actually now I just might briefly mention that the word that they translate as summary from Chinese could also be translated as embrace and sustain or embraced in. So it could also be translated as embraced by and embracing the great vehicle through the study of these teachings of mind. Thank you very much.

[76:55]

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