I wish to discuss with you what is called the perfection of meditation of the Bodhisattva. the ancestor Shantideva says that having understood that all the disturbing conceptions, all the afflictions of the mind are completely overcome by insight endowed with calm abiding,

[01:06]

it seems that, first of all, we should realize calm abiding. And calm abiding is achieved through genuine joy, through the genuine joy and flexibility of mind that comes with not being attached to worldly life. And in the chant we just did, it said, I vow from this life on throughout countless lives to hear the true Dharma, that upon hearing it no doubt will arise in us, nor will we lack in faith, that upon meeting it we will renounce worldly affairs and maintain the Buddha Dharma, maintain the Buddha's truth.

[02:26]

When we meet the true Dharma, we will renounce worldly affairs. Also, if we renounce worldly affairs, we'll meet... So, in the approach to calm abiding, part of what we do is renounce worldly affairs. And what are worldly affairs? Well, worldly affairs are... where there's some attachment... If we meet the true Dharma, we will renounce attachment to our life with all beings. If we live with all beings with no attachment, we renounce worldly affairs and meet the true Dharma.

[03:31]

If everybody had met the true Dharma, there wouldn't be time to talk about it anymore. We would just all be living in peace and harmony now. But because of incomplete renunciation of attachment to companions, possessions, states of body, because we haven't really renounced all these attachments, because there's a little bit of trying to get something out of life that incomplete renunciation hinders us from meeting the true Dharma. So today we have a chance to give up all attachment and meet the true Dharma. It's lurking right nearby all the time. It's not the slightest distance away, but a little bit of attachment creates a little bit

[04:39]

separation. And that's sufficient to give rise to a disharmony in the world. Shantideva spends great creative poetic effort in praising the virtues of solitude. So actually we're kind of into that here. We have this quiet valley conveniently located to a very busy beautiful city called San Francisco where we can come and experience solitude and quiet, even being quite close to each other.

[05:42]

The solitude helps us become aware and let go of our attachment to companions and possessions and states of mind. We go on retreat in order to become free of attachment. But we also go on retreat in order to focus on enlightenment. Retreat in order to focus on the welfare of others. Focusing on the welfare of others is very intimately related with giving up attachment to others. I agree with Shantideva's words.

[06:50]

What are they? They're like all injury, all fear and pain in the world arise from grasping at a self. I agree. How about you? Violence and aggression come from self-clinging. And then he says, then what use is there in that great ghost to me? I think demon's a better word. What use is this great demon to me? What demon? What is a demon? What's the demon? Don't copy him.

[07:57]

What's the demon? Yeah, in this context. Yeah. Attachment to what? Yeah. The attachment to possessions is based on attachment to self. Attachment to self is the great demon. Attachment to self is the great demon in the Buddha Dharma. Which gets transferred to attachment to companions, wealth, home, you know, companions, lovers, children, other relatives, friends, and also, by the way, hatred for enemies. All this is based on self-clinging, the great demon.

[08:59]

And almost, what is it, quite a while ago, more than a thousand years ago, Shantideva's in India, different culture, and he talks about, what use is this demon to me? Or he also says, what do we do to get rid of self-clinging? And he says, get rid of it. Get rid of self-clinging. Completely get rid of self-clinging. This will bring peace and harmony into the world of suffering. I would say, what am I going to do with this demon? What do I say? Welcome it. Love it. Be intimate with it. That's the way it is for me these days. I'm not... At this time in the history of the world, I'm not recommending getting rid of the demon. If you do, great.

[10:08]

But... I'm afraid that if you try to get rid of it, it's just going to get bigger. And you might even think that somebody else is the demon. So I would say intimacy is what we do with this demon. This demon is the problem. And what do we do with our problems? Our terrible, terrible problems. The sources of all horror and misery. We become intimate. And Shantideva says, if I do not completely forsake it, I shall be unable to put an end to suffering. I agree. Forsake it. And he says, just as you cannot avoid being burnt if you do not cast aside the fire you hold. Really, human beings are the species that doesn't cast aside fire.

[11:25]

We are the species that learn how to be intimate with it. We can use it to cook rice for the meditators. We don't touch it, but we also don't turn away from it. We are intimate with fire. We are experts with fire. We dance with fire. And this is how we find in order to allay the harms inflicted upon me, and in order to pacify the suffering of others, I shall give myself to others and cherish them as I do myself. This I agree with completely. Shantideva, I beg your permission for me to do now.

[12:41]

May I? Not really, but sort of. Earlier in the chapter on calm abiding, on meditative absorption, he's talking about some things to help us loosen our attachment to our companions. So he's talking about when you're about to die, and also when you're about to be born, he says, at birth, I was born alone, and at death, I shall die alone. At this pain, at this pain cannot be shared by others. I think maybe Ms. Brent should say, and this pain cannot be shared by others. What use are obstacle-making friends? So he's talking about going off

[14:01]

in solitude where your friends aren't around, your friends and relatives aren't around, so that when you die, because you've been on retreat a long time, they've already sort of forgot about you. So when you die, nobody will be upset. And he thinks that's nice. He doesn't want to disturb people by dying. And he says, and there will be no one around to disturb me. in that with their mourning, thus there will be no one to distract me from my recollection of the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha. So the part I'm making fun of is that he's kind of saying, when I'm dying, it's good for me to be in solitude so that all my students and friends will not be like wailing and screaming and messing with me and making it hard for me to focus on the Buddha.

[15:07]

But what does Shantideva say the Buddha is? What is the Buddha that he's focusing on, that he's always completely concentrated on? What is that Buddha for Shantideva? It is helping others. So he said, what use are these distracting friends, these obstacle-making friends? Well, the use of them for these troublesome people is that they're objects of compassion. That's their use. Their use is those are the beings you're focused on living and giving your life to. That's their use. But you may say, but would they please quiet down so that I can remember that? You're making so much noise, I can't remember that I'm trying to give my life to you. Go away, so I can remember.

[16:15]

Okay, see you later, boss. Okay, now I remember. Now that I've remembered that I'm living for you, noisy, crying student. So maybe when Chantideva wrote that he realized it was kind of a joke that these obstacles are making lots of noise while he's dying. Of course, they are his only business. Their welfare is all he thinks about because he's a bodhisattva. One of our ancestors named Dung Shan, Tozan Ryokai Daisho. He wasn't very old, and he wasn't sick, but... Time to go.

[17:24]

I think it would be good for you guys if I left now. I think he didn't say this really. This is not really what he said because he didn't speak English. So he says, I'm going to go now so you guys can practice better because I think after I go, you won't be just lounging around in the radiance of my love for you. So I'm going to go now so you will generate a little bit more concentration on helping. Because I think some of you are kind of saying, well, he's doing it so we don't have to. So I'm going to go now. So he sat in meditation and died. And then a lot of the students started wailing away. And then he came back and said, can't you be quiet? And he said, we will now have a feast for fools. So they had a big vegetarian feast.

[18:27]

And the students stopped crying. And then one week later, he died again. And this time, they were quiet. So he didn't come back. So we might ask people to be quiet so we can remember that we are here for their welfare. Would you please be quiet so I can remember that? So in a way, I feel today this chapter is a long chapter on calm abiding.

[19:37]

It's a long chapter on the provocative concentration. But I think the heart of the chapter is quite simple. And it is simply... that after considering the excellence of solitude, that then we may completely pacify our distracted thoughts, distracting thoughts, and meditate on the mind of the bodhisattva. We practice giving, carefulness, vigilance, patience, and we are drastically and joyfully up for practicing meditative concentration on this mind.

[20:48]

alerted to the possibility of thinking this meditation on this bodhisattva mind is too much for us. We cannot meditation. We cannot open to the great commitments of the bodhisattvas. It's too much for us. We understand that this is a kind of laziness. So we are joyfully ready to focus on the mind of the bodhisattva, the awakening mind, the mind which Realize supreme awakening for the welfare of others, or to make it shorter, the mind of the welfare of others. We are now ready from now on for the rest of our lives to be single-mindedly focused every moment only just on the welfare of others. And we've read quite a bit now about how we get distracted and how we get lazy and how in pain we get angry.

[21:56]

And when we're angry, we sometimes... The point of life, the point of the life of peace and ease is the welfare of others. sometimes when this is brought up here in California, people say, well, can't we also say the welfare of others and self? And I say, well, sure. But since we can, let's say the welfare of others. Just forget about yourself. You don't have to remember it. It's been published. The self's going to line up for the help. Just thinking about helping others and yourself will be nicely included. Just forget about yourself and then you can remember others.

[22:58]

And when you remember others, you're safe. But don't add the self in there. Completely let it go. Give it away. Give it to others and focus on that. Solitude, the excellence of solitude. Now that we're really convinced that this is a good thing to be solitary, to not be distracted, now we're not distracted, now we're focused, the welfare of others, basically, we're ready to roll. And again, for 88, verses he talks about all the different distractions and basically there are outward distractions and inward distractions. And Bodhidharma taught his student very simply the same teaching which is outwardly don't activate your mind around objects.

[24:02]

Don't get excited about colors, smells, possessions, companions, enemies, friends. Don't get distracted by these things. Inwardly, no coughing or sighing in the mind. Same inwardly. You say, thus with a mind like a wall, you enter the way of the bodhisattva. Attaching to these things outwardly or inwardly is the source of all misery. It's a projection of self-clinging. Bodhisattvas are devoted completely to every single being and they renounce attachment to every single being.

[25:07]

Joyfully devoted. It's a joy to be devoted to others. But if there's attachment, the joy can be strangled. And then there's not joy. Then there's devotion and misery. There's devotion to misery. So it's quite a feat to be devoted to people with no attachment. what the bodhisattvas are focusing on. They're concentrated on that. Not activating the mind around things, being quiet with everything and devoted to everything. Inwardly, not about what's going on, but being devoted to it and intimate with it. Thus we enter the way So this meditative absorption of the bodhisattva is actually the contemplation focusing on this mind of aspiration, of giving, of patience, of vigilance, of care and devotion to the welfare of others.

[26:39]

It's very alive active, and at the same time completely calm and undisturbed. That's the mind. This is not a blank consciousness. Many people think meditation is blank consciousness. Or what's the other word that's used? An unknowing kind of non-conceptual void. But no, it's not like that. It's an active, compassionate consciousness which is focused on, which is concentrated. So when we are concerned for our own welfare, we are, you could say, being childish.

[28:49]

We're like children. When we're focused on the welfare of All others, we are like Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. That is their only concern is the welfare of others. They are focused on that. So it's a very simple thing, just focus on the welfare of others. but it's hard to actually achieve it moment after moment. But again, the heroic endeavor, the enthusiasm is that we do have the ability to learn such a meditation.

[29:50]

We do have the ability to be intimate with self-clinging and to not dwell in it, and being released from self-clinging to be devoted to the welfare of others. And this focused attention is serene, undisturbed, and this undisturbed serenity is focused on a great activity. So it's not a dead serenity, it's a very flexible, great activity serenity. So it is possible to, in this serenity, to serve, or maybe I should say to prepare lunch, to serve lunch, to receive lunch, and to eat lunch.

[30:56]

all for the sake of the welfare of others, focusing as we act with body, speech, and mind always on the welfare of others, only on the welfare of others. Once again, as we focus on the welfare of others, if there's any squeaking in the area from good old self-clinging, we focus on self-clinging.

[32:01]

Yes? What about me? What about me? Yes, I'm here with you. This focus on the welfare of others is really stupid. It's really grandiose. How dare you even bring this up? Yes, I'm here with you. I hear you. Got a good point there. undevoted to your welfare, rebellious, self-clinging, trying to knock me off this meditation, I welcome you to try. I welcome you to bite me. Give me more opportunities, please.

[33:06]

Good morning. Good morning. I may want to tell a story, but first I want to ask a question. Will you speak up, please? I may want to tell a story, but first I want to ask a question. Yesterday you talked about rest. And I... The way the question comes is, is it right to say, I'm sorry, that would be too much right now? Because there's a... I went into some great suffering over saying that to you. So... Obviously there's a piece of me that does not think it's okay to say, I'm sorry, that would be too much.

[36:13]

Well, when you said, I'm sorry, too much, did you do that for the welfare of others? As you were talking this morning, I suspected that would be your answer. And, you know, I could analyze the situation and the conversation and include the welfare of others in the concerns, you know. You could. I could. But did you? Yeah. I mean, I didn't go through that analysis at that time. Retrospectively, I could. So if I was in a situation like that, I would be sorry. that I didn't, that I forgot my practice of meditating on the welfare of others when I said... Right in that moment. Whatever I said. Whatever I say, and I lose my focus on the welfare of others, then I think, I'm sorry about that. To say, okay, I'll do it,

[37:19]

even then, to lose my focus on the welfare of others. Sometimes we say, okay, I'll do it, but we're not actually thinking of the welfare of others. We're thinking of the welfare of us. We're worried about what will happen to us if we don't say yes. Well, don't we often say yes or not now without thinking about either of those things? I mean, like literally thinking... That would be good for me, so I'll say yes, or any variation of that. That would not be good for me, so I'll say no. The question I'm asking is, are you intimate with what's going on with you? So can you say yes very quickly, but are you speaking from intimacy, or is it just a reflex, and you're not actually present with what you're doing? you're not focused, you're not present, you say yes, and maybe later you find out, yes, and you didn't look, you actually were trying to protect yourself.

[38:24]

Sometimes you find out that. And in saying no, you could be trying to protect yourself. No matter what you say, self-cleaning is usually in the neighborhood. The demon is not, we don't get rid of this demon, it's there all the time. it's part of the human situation, and if you're not aware of it, if you're not taking care of it, that will interfere with you actually acting for the welfare of others. And so if you say there's too much, you know, is that a joke? What do you mean, is it a joke? Is it a joke like, hey, I got a joke for you. This is too much. I'm a bodhisattva, and this is too much. That's a joke, right? You're just kidding. Nothing's too much for a bodhisattva. Well, that's why I asked about that. So you just say that. You say, I'm a wimp. Yeah, but that's what I'm asking about rest.

[39:26]

That's the voice in me that doesn't believe it's okay. But not too many people have the courage to say I'm a wimp. Not too many people have the courage around here to say I'm a wimp. Because if you say that, it's dangerous to say that. But if you think it would be helpful to people, you say it. I'm still concerned about... About what? What are you concerned about? Check it out. Is there some self-concern there? That's the thing. I've been sitting with self-concern through most of this session in a lot of pain and giving it lots of attention. Good. And you're not taking a break, are you now? I thought I was getting a little break from the pain of the self-clinging, but you've brought it back for me. Thank you.

[40:26]

Yeah. I still suffer from feeling there's some, I mean, this is, I recognize that this is a manifestation of self-clinging to feel like it's not okay to need a rest. it could be a manifestation of self-clinging. But again, you can be with the pain of self-clinging as possible, like, okay, there it is, this is uncomfortable, blah, blah, blah, and I now wish to offer the gift of taking a rest for the welfare of all beings. And I'm I'm not trying to get away from the pain by doing this. I'm actually resting so that I can be more intimate with the self-cleaning.

[41:27]

You can feel like that without getting rid of the pain of the self-cleaning. It's still there. And you're like, you're patient with it. You're up for it. And I think it would increase my my effort to rest now and to say whatever, you know, I'm sorry. You can say I'm sorry. It's okay to be polite when you're a hero. Say I'm sorry. This is too much. And I'm offering you this as a heroic gesture. And the person may argue with you then. And suddenly you don't feel tired anymore. And then in the end, you might still say, okay. And the person might say, I totally support you to rest. This was a great interaction. Thank you. It was helpful. I'm not sure what the next thing... Don't get into the next thing.

[42:31]

Yeah. You've got plenty to deal with here. That's another part of this practice is always be here in this place with this work of being intimate with this demon and we're intimate with this demon for the welfare of others. We get used to this demon so like we're actually kind of comfortable with the pain. Well, the demon has expressed itself in many ways this week for me. And one morning at breakfast, I'm going into the story now. Oh, okay, story time.

[43:34]

One morning at breakfast. You want to take nap time before or after story time? Everybody wants, we'll be fine. Story time. One morning at breakfast, I was asking myself, I mean, the voice went something like, why is my heart so cold or so closed? And another voice answered, I'm afraid. Or because you're afraid. I don't know which person it was. And that was helpful. Yeah. And... The next day, I think it was, so I'd been opening to various manifestations in my mind of identifying it as self-clinging. But the next day at lunch, I opened suddenly to the fear. And I wasn't open to the fear itself before. I was open to all these other things, even though I knew it was there. And that really seemed to lighten up greatly.

[44:39]

Lighten it greatly. And I was starting to think, oh, maybe I'm finally going to relax and enjoy, says she. And then we left the Zendo, and you went so quickly, and I was so far behind you because I couldn't get my robes straight, which I don't know what happens, but it happened more than ever. And so I was back in the misery of myself clinging. And I was about to go home in that misery. And then I went up to see the Tonto instead in her Tonto room. And Sonia came to see her business. And so I expressed my fears to them, my fear. And they helped me a great deal. And I want to say thank you to them. And then I felt better again. But the last two mornings in the break, after breakfast, when I lie down to rest, I've gone into these extreme grief states.

[45:51]

I guess one was before that meeting with them and one was today. And they don't last that long, but they're very, very... And then they stop just kind of suddenly. It's like, okay, time to grow up. And I don't know why I want to just tell that. Oh, because this morning when it came on again, I... that all of these extreme griefs, these things of extreme grief, that I can't really... I mean, if I put words on it, it's just to shape it into a particular form, and it's not really shaped, clarified by the... This morning when it came about, this deep old grief of my mother's death, which was 10 years ago, and... it was related to the saying, I'm sorry, right now, to you about the dog.

[47:05]

You know? And I said yes to so much in taking care of my mother, and then there was some place where I couldn't keep saying yes. By the way, Could I say something? Edit your story a little bit. I think you said to me, actually, I don't want to do it. First I said, I don't want to take the dog. And then I said, I'm sorry, it's too much right now. Oh, I didn't hear that part. But that's okay. But I just want to emphasize that you said, I asked you if you would like to. And you said, I don't want to. I did. That's what I said. And then I said, I'm sorry, it's too much right now. The second part, actually, is not true. The true part is you didn't want to. And then you're sorry.

[48:09]

I think you were a little sorry that you didn't want to. I was very sorry that I didn't want to. And I think you said that's not correct, that it was too much. It wasn't too much. You just didn't want to. You could have done it. You just would have had a different life. But that was part of what... You didn't want that. That's another thing about this, is that you didn't want to have the dog, and that was fine. And you wanted to rest. And the question is, were all these things... the welfare of others. And that's the key thing, whether you're focused on that or not. Well, I confess that I was not clearly focused on that. Yeah, right. And that's the problem. And if you're focused on it, then you can... Nothing's too much, including feeling like it's too much. I understand that, but I don't understand why...

[49:10]

Something feeling like it's too much isn't part of, I don't want that. Why that's not a true, I don't want that. Oh, it's a part of it, but it's not true. It can be part of it. It's not true that nothing's too much for you. That's just you feel that way. And also you feel like you don't want some things. And those are gifts you give, for example, to me. You give me this gift. So, I'm sorry, I feel like that would be too much. Or that feels like too much. You could say that all this could be gifts you gave to me. They were, actually. I felt like they were gifts that you gave me. But you didn't hear them. You only heard the part. I heard the part that what? Made you angry. You weren't angry. Did you say made me angry? Yeah, you weren't angry. Wow, you see, now the story is getting more interesting. No, no, that's the part, that's where I beat up myself.

[50:15]

Yeah, I didn't get angry at all. No, I was angry at myself. Oh, you're angry at yourself. I did say that, but I'm not saying that's what happened. Wait a second, did you say you thought I got angry? No, I'm saying that my upset that I felt with myself about not being able to imagine or project from that upset that you were displeased with me, not literally angry, but displeased with me for not taking the dog. So that's what I meant when I said that. So that happened too, but you didn't say anything about it. Yeah, that was part of it. Especially when, yeah. Whatever. I was not disappointed at all. I thought, I actually felt that you gave me a gift in these things you said. And, yeah. However, when you give gifts, it doesn't mean that I won't, it doesn't mean that I'll appreciate it.

[51:17]

But in fact, in this case, you gave me gifts. I was grateful to you for being honest. I don't want you to I don't want you to take care of the dog if you don't want to. If you don't want to give yourself to it, I don't want it. So I was giving you this opportunity. You gave me a gift of saying, no, thank you. I don't want to. And so the problem was you weren't right there with that as a gift. Being you, being who you are, was not seen by you as a gift. even though it was. So that's why we have to remember that we are a gift. Us being a gift is part of living for the welfare of others. You being this person you are with these particular struggles, this is the person that's living for the welfare of others.

[52:22]

But you have to tune into that. I think it's a kind of afterthought that takes away the gift, the giving of the gift. Yeah, the afterthought takes it away, but also the inattention to the thought of always living for the welfare of beings. So when somebody comes to the door... That's the way you answer the door. I'm coming to the door as a gift to this person. The person says, do you want to take care of the dog? And you give them the gift of, no, I don't want to. And then you might also feel, I feel sorry. And so you say, give me the gift of I'm sorry. And then you might say, and this funny thing happened. I just thought you were angry with me and disappointed. I want to tell you that too. And then I give you the gift of, wow, this is really interesting. No, I appreciate all you're doing. Thank you. I actually felt good that you could say, because usually you don't.

[53:25]

Usually you say, yeah. And so I thought that must have been really authentic that you didn't want to. I didn't feel like you were, I didn't feel like that was a joke. It was authentic. Yeah, that I don't want to. But I could have thought that I'm sorry. That could have been a joke, that a person who really felt like, I just gave you this great gift of telling you who I am, and now I just also want to say, I'm sorry I gave you that gift. That could have been a joke. But the first part I felt was that just happened to be where you are, that you didn't want this person to come. So afterwards you can destroy the gift, you know, kind of like obliterate it. And beforehand, if you're not up for it, you kind of miss it. So what do you call it? Get excited and you miss it. And then afterwards, retrospectively, so before and after that event, you need to be focused on giving and afterwards too.

[54:32]

So this is related then to those when other people see some gift-giving and generosity that maybe I can't see myself. That we can't see. Well, I'm using myself. No, but other people were joining you in this. Where others can see generosity and giving in that they can't see themselves. That's what I'm trying to point out. Yeah, and sometimes we feel, well, that's wonderful. That's amazing that they can see it. I don't see it. And I just feel like then you have sympathetic joy for them. Wow, it's great that they can see that. I missed that. That was wonderful. I often see that around here. Amazingly able to see the reality of our life that they actually see the pure land in these various situations. It's wonderful. I'm just amazed how much you see each other's virtue.

[55:38]

It's wonderful. But it would be helpful when we can see our own as well. That's not such a big deal. But isn't that part of being tuned in to the gift-giving? There's almost no discussion of seeing our own virtue. Well, now I feel contradicted. I'm confused again. If we're talking about our act of generosity, our active generosity, that's what I meant by wouldn't it be good to be able to see. You just were telling me how important it would be to see that and be tuned into that. Yeah, but you don't think of it as your own virtue. Okay, yeah, but that's what I meant. You just think, God, that was great, but you don't think it's mine. If you think it's mine, then you take care of yourself. That's the self-clinging. Oh, that was my idea. Yeah, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant... Own virtue, watch out for that expression. So there's this little, tiny, tiny place where you can be aware without falling either into non-awareness of your generosity or taking ownership of your generosity.

[56:45]

To be aware of the generosity without any possession of it. To be devoted to generosity without dwelling in it. That's what we're trying to learn. And, well, I'm sorry to take so long. I just feel like there's... You're not taking long. It's been given to you. Thank you for giving me so much time. And I'm not just giving it to you. I'm giving it to you for all these people. And all of these people are giving it to me. Exactly. So I'm thanking them. You're not taking them. You're welcome, Kathy. Thank you, Sonia. I guess I'm still struggling with the pre-awareness or pre-cognitive. Well, stop then. Find it. Go to the place where the next thing you do is going to be a gift.

[57:48]

Be here where bodhisattvas live, where the next thought, the next word you say is for the welfare of others and it's a gift. Go there and keep going. Start the moment from the place of that concentration. Thank you. Okay. Well then, don't have that consciously in mind, that instruction that was just given. I often am acting with some sense of devotion or to some activity that is an offering to others, but I'm not specifically in the moment consciously thinking this is an offering.

[58:56]

I'm honestly expressing my response to the question, but I'm not in the moment thinking here I am giving you the gift of my honest response. So my struggle that I was about to express before receiving this that's allowing me to talk like this now is in that case where the action of devotion or generosity is following from a sort of general intention to be generous, but not that specific moment of conscious generosity. Is it kind of a mixed action, or is it still just coming from self-clinging, or is it coming from generosity because of the earlier intention and commitment?

[60:05]

Or is it different moment by moment? In some sense, it's all of that. And then the question is, are we focused on all action for the sake of others. Are we actually focusing on welfare of others? How can we be focused on that? And are we focused on it even when we're not saying those words? Are we actually focused on it? Focused on something without saying the thing. But you can also be not saying the thing and not focused on it. So once you're focused, the mind has infinite possibilities of mental factors. And you're focused in some of those situations and other ones you're not.

[61:08]

So we're trying to learn to be focused on it while we think, while we talk, and while we gesture. Okay. So... The focus of concentration, that mind. Always. Keeping that as the focus and actually being focused on it. In other words, remembering Buddha. In other words, going for refuge in helping others, which means... always thinking the welfare of others. Whether the English sentence is there, the German sentence, whatever, there may be the words there. Even when the words aren't there, you have confidence that that's your job, and you care about what you care about, and that's your whole life. And then the question is, are you really intimate with that?

[62:09]

And when self-cleaning comes, do you not get distracted by it? Sometimes you feel like, no, It didn't distract me, even though I wasn't thinking of helping others. What I was looking at was the self-clinging. The way I responded to it did accord with helping others. And so I'm very happy about that. It's a great encouragement. And now I do it again. And when you really need a rest, you rest as a gift to others. Yeah. And the one part of the rest is, that was great. I did my job. And now that's over. I'm not going to do it again. I already did it. It would be nice to do it again. And now I got another situation. Another one is sometimes that's too big a challenge for me. I have to admit I'm not ready for that to welcome that guest.

[63:12]

That's another kind of rest. That's too much. I don't want it. That's my gift. Nothing is too much. You said earlier nothing is too much. I know. I agree. And this is an example of a show that nothing is too much. Because you can say there's too much, so it's not too much. You can say it's rest time. And the other kind of rest is you feel like you're, you know, you're... your homeostasis so much that you need to eat something or you need to rest. You need to re-coordinate yourself so you can do this great work. But you're doing this to do the work. You're not doing it to avoid the work. And if someone says, rest now, do the job in your your compromised state, you say, okay, I'm going to really do a bad job. You know that, don't you? They say, yes. I say, okay, here we go. This is going to be a mess. Fine.

[64:15]

That's where the self-clinging is. Yeah. Yeah. I'm really afraid of being in the compromised state when called upon to do a big job. Yeah. It's coming. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. We are leaving today, Violeta and I. And is it OK now?

[65:49]

So today we're leaving right after your lecture. And I wanted to say so many thank yous. Thank you. I'm deeply impressed by your devotion to the practice. It's amazing. Thank you. I wanted to thank everyone here. I think if you hold the microphone just a little bit farther away, I think it will work better. All the bodhisattvas in training, So the gifts just kept coming this week as we were able to sit and to use clean toilets and receive wonderful food and good instruction and smiles and tears and

[67:03]

Thank you for the memorial service for my father. And it was nice to share that with, is it Michael? Michael's and Michael's friend. And I have a confession to make and a story. The confession is that I was very inspired by the priests you just ordained. Deirdre and Caroline and Steph and Timo, I think, and Yumi. And I think I'm missing somebody. Who's Brian? Is Brian here? Brian's not here. He's in the kitchen. I thought so. So they were very bright, shining, upright, ready.

[68:12]

And I was so fortunate to sit next to Steph for this wholehearted devotion. And a short story. Over 20 years ago, I was going to Tassajara to enjoy the baths and the community, and I was working, and I wasn't very much into Zen. I just started getting into Zen. And then one morning when I was leaving, in the courtyard there was all these young monks, We're surrounding one person who just came, and I had no idea who this person was. And then I was asking my friend or talking with my friend, and I said, there's this person there with the shaved head and blue eyes, and all these people are around him.

[69:19]

Who is it? And I said, he's young. He can't be a priest. He looks like a star, like an actor. And then I thought, oh no, he looks like an astronaut. So for many years, whenever I thought of you, I thought of you as an astronaut. And now I see all these astronauts in training, and they're getting great instructions for landing. And I'm so inspired because we have the instructions too.

[70:24]

Safe landing, everyone. Buckle your belts. And thank you for bringing Violetta with you and Violetta on your first seven-day session. And the other people also, congratulations to you on your first seven-day session. Is this your first one? Yeah? And Benjamin, first one, congratulations. Your first one? Any other first-time people? Yes, okay. Congratulations to you all. And you've done, again, I'm deeply impressed by your great efforts. Thank you. It's wonderful. And thank you all for helping them perform this great feat of sitting quietly, mindfully, for the welfare of all beings.

[71:47]

Did you want to come up, Nora? I would first just like to thank, especially the practice period, but the whole sangha for giving me opportunities to talk in these public situations and work with my vulnerability in that way. Yeah, so thank you. And I guess... I... Yesterday in Dokusan, we talked about my intention for practice.

[72:54]

And... And I... And I... I felt some pain of not meeting you that we hadn't really met when we were talking about that. And also, sometimes during these last lectures, I feel dissonance between what you're saying and things that in my limited and deluded way I hold as true. And I guess I just wanted to say I realize that that's painful because those moments... The dissonance is painful?

[73:58]

The dissonance is painful. Yeah, yeah. And it's painful because I want that resonance so much. You know, I want that from you. I guess it's kind of a confession. Yeah, it's hard for me to sit with moments when I'm not meeting you. We're not meeting each other. Well, you might not be surprised if I would say if you welcome the dissonance, if you trust... I think you, to some extent, you're, I think, literally just saying and demonstrating some vulnerability to the dissonance that you're...

[74:58]

and somewhat uncomfortable or quite uncomfortable. So that's good that you're feeling. It isn't just the idea of dissonance. You're actually feeling the dissonance with much of your body. That's good. That's part of the welcoming. And then if you could also welcome the pain, the discomfort. And then relax with the dissonance. Now try to get rid of it, not give up your authentic view to have resonance with what you think I'm saying. I don't want that. I want authentically you, even though that seems to be perhaps dissonant with something that I'm offering to you. I give you a gift, do you feel dissonance? I want you to give the gift of feeling that, of being who you are and feeling dissonance as a result of being who you are. And then, welcome that, relax with that, and then you can start playing with it.

[76:06]

And if you can play with it, we can be creative with this dissonance. And if we can be creative with this dissonance, we can realize the truth of the dissonance. never does necessarily change into resonance. But we find another resonance, resonance with the creativity, with the dissonance. And then we find another resonance based on creatively working with the dissonance. So resonance is great, but when dissonance comes, how do we work with that in such a way to make something beneficial, a beneficial resonance out of the dissonance? Because I don't want a resonance that comes from denying dissonance.

[77:08]

I don't want a resonance that includes you betraying your authentic self. Me neither. So it's difficult to relax with, usually, and be playful with. But that's what I am recommending we do with dissonance. Dissonance is an opportunity for compassion. playfulness, and in that playfulness we realize helping not just resonance between us, but a resonance which helps everybody. So I hope we can keep working on practicing this way when dissonance arises. If resonance happens, we shouldn't then say, okay, resonance, I don't have to relax with that, I can grab the resonance. So with resonance, we should practice the same, namely, don't attach to the resonance, don't reject the dissonance, don't attach to the resonance, because then that won't be beneficial to all beings.

[78:19]

I think that the dissonance is helpful for me to notice how much I'm in danger of sacrificing my authenticity to have resonance. Or better to say betraying your authenticity. Because actually you can make your authenticity a gift, sacrifice it, but don't betray it. Say, here is my authenticity. I'm in dissonance with you. Then you're sacrificing, you're making a sacrifice of it. You're making a sacrament of it. Don't reject it. Don't deny it. Don't betray it. I feel dissonance. I disagree. Whatever. Please do that for us. And one more thing I would say, particularly if the young people can't do this, the older people, the vitality of the tradition will be diminished.

[79:26]

So if the next generation has a new take on the practice, which seems to differ and be a dissonance with the older generation, the tradition needs the younger generation to stand up and say, we disagree. Just like I just was kind of disagreeing with, playing with Shantideva. respectfully trying to vitalize his ancient instructions. So I do deeply appreciate him, but I kind of disagree with the way he was talking for today. So you might say, I appreciate what you're saying, but I think this way. We shouldn't use that word anymore. And the younger people have a sense of maybe what's more appropriate for the next generation, and that they disagree with the language of the old generation. That really is helpful if you bring that. You're welcome. Thank you.

[80:23]

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