Yesterday we reached the wonderful practice of the samadhi of bodhicitta, the meditative concentration on realizing awakening for the welfare of all beings. concentrated focus on the welfare of others. And the thought arose in my mind, if we are

[01:02]

deeply settled and steadily focused on the welfare of others, wouldn't that be fine? Wouldn't that be wonderful? Wouldn't that be the whole story, pretty much? And then I thought, oh, but there's one more perfection, the perfection of wisdom. What's that for? And then I thought, well, yes, in order to be consistent and not get tired out in this samadhi of focusing on the welfare of others, we also need perfect wisdom, because if we're concentrated on the welfare of others and we think there's actually some others then a little bit of vitality leaks out every time we see others that way.

[02:16]

Every time we see others as separate from us, it's a little tiring. So this wonderful samadhi, it is truly wonderful to be focused on the welfare of others. But if we think there are some others actually out there separate from us, we can still get exhausted in the samadhi and eventually maybe have trouble continuing it, even though it's so wonderful. So one thing is the ability to focus on it. The other is to focus on it without any outflows, without any drainage of vitality due to grasping the others that we're devoted to. So again, here we are potentially aspiring to and committing to the practice

[03:27]

of mindfully living for the welfare of others without dwelling in the others for whose welfare we're living. All the previous practices leading up to the concentration on the welfare of others they kind of hint, they give us a hint about how not to dwell. They give us a hint on how to be devoted. More than a hint, they teach us how to be devoted. And they also hint how to be devoted without dwelling or clinging in the beings that we're devoted to. So if we practice giving we experience joy.

[04:33]

But if in giving we still think that giver, receiver, and gift are separate, exist separate, our giving also gets tired. So as we say, we wish to realize the emptiness of the three wheels, giver, receiver, and gift. Because if we practice giving and dwell in giver, receiver, or gift, we become enervated in our giving practice. Still, the giving process warms us up to realize the emptiness of the three wheels, which again leads us to practice concentration on the welfare of others without dwelling in self or other, without dwelling in receiver or giver or giver or receiver or gift.

[05:39]

I give my life, I devote my life to the welfare of others, but I don't dwell in being the giver. I receive the support of others to devote my life to the welfare of others, but I don't dwell in being receiver. I wish to be a gift to all beings, but I don't dwell in being a gift. The next perfection of carefulness and vigilance again helps us watch to see if we're getting distracted or clinging at all or averting at all in our relationship with beings. But there too, the perfection of giving is not to dwell, excuse me, the perfection of conscientiousness and vigilance is not to dwell.

[06:43]

in them either, not to dwell in transgressing from the path or not transgressing. Of course, we wish to not transgress, but we don't dwell in not transgressing. And we also don't want to dwell in transgressing. And similarly, in patience and vigor, we need to learn to do those practices without dwelling in them. Again, to be wholeheartedly devoted to patience, to be in the present of our discomfort without dwelling in the presence or the discomfort. So one way to talk is that we have now the samadhi of the welfare of others and we need to join that with wisdom, or we need to join the samadhi of being devoted to others with the samadhi of the self.

[07:45]

We need to focus on the self. Because even though we are devoted, hopefully, to the welfare of others in a consistent, focused way, still self-clinging may still be present. When you're focused on the welfare of others, or when there's focus on the welfare of others, the self is not eliminated. We do not wish to eliminate the self. What we wish to become free of is clinging to the self, attaching to it, and then projecting that attachment onto other things. So the wisdom practice is, again, becoming intimate with the self And becoming intimate with the self leads to no self-clinging. And also, if there is any self-clinging, become intimate with self-clinging as part of becoming intimate with the self.

[08:53]

And in that intimacy, the self-clinging is no longer functioning. Then the devotion to the welfare of others will be unhindered. And it will be played out by continuing the samadhi of meditating on the wish to realize the Buddha for the welfare of all beings. It will continue the vigilant awareness of the self and being very careful with the self. There's a self, high self. Be careful with it. Be vigilant about whether there's any attachment to it. Be generous with it. Be generous with beings and be vigilant about if there's any grasping, any particular position in the process of giving. Some people say, you know, I kind of feel okay about giving, but I don't like the position of receiving.

[09:57]

Some other people, I feel okay about receiving, I just don't want to give. Some other people feel, I'm fine to be a gift, I just don't want to be giving the gift. And so on. People have some stickiness in the process of relationship where there's giving. So we practice vigilance to see if there's any stickiness in there. Oh, you just gave me a gift. Thank you very much. Would you be willing to be the receiver also? Well, you just received a gift. Would you be willing to be... Are you up for being the giver? In other words, could you please give that gift away now? You can ask yourself that whenever there's giving. Are you... Any stickiness there? And if there is, of course, we want... There's some discomfort probably. And are you patient with that and so on? And also, are you really enthusiastic about this practice?

[11:00]

Yes. Are you joyful at the prospect of practicing giving? And even practicing giving with some attachment is still wonderful. To play the game even with attachment is still really wonderful. But to play without attachment, it's immeasurably wonderful. Oh, I'm just so enthusiastic about that. And is there any stickiness to that enthusiasm? Could you please give me your enthusiasm? Would you be willing to live without any enthusiasm? I'd be very enthusiastic about that. Sounds great to me. Like we say, when you open your hand, it fills your hand. When you release it, it fills you. I actually feel from what I see and hear that not only are we somewhat still have some challenge around self-clinging, but there's some awareness of it in this group.

[12:18]

I feel that quite a few of us are able to see in ourselves That way there's a little bit of stickiness around ourself, that we're a little self-concerned. Sometimes very intense examples of that arise. How many of you have not heard the story of the croutons in the soup at Tassajara? That's quite a few. You're missing out on quite a bit. Would those who have heard it tolerate hearing it again? For those who have heard it, how many of you do not want to hear it again and deprive the people who haven't heard it of their own?

[13:24]

Any of you? No? Okay. So... Huh? Add something? Okay, here's what I'll add to the story. This is the story of 1969, Tassajara winter. Lots of rain. And today, Maceo Anderson came to Green Gulch, so watch out. He is armed with a sword that Jeff Coe gave him. I told him to be careful, but watch out for him. He's got this wooden sword, which he's walking around Green Gulch with. I said, be careful. If you don't be careful, you might hit somebody with it. Anyways, he's here, and as I was coming down to give the talk... He said, are you going to lecture about the three gnomes? And I said, that wasn't planned.

[14:33]

He says, please. I said, will you come to the lecture? And he said, yes. I said, okay, I can't resist. But he also has a baseball catching date with Jesse Rudnick right now. So I said, which do you want to do? And he chose the baseball date. So that's it. Oh, you want to hear that story? Pardon? Well, she wanted me to add something, so I'm adding the story of the three gnomes to the crouton story. So now the crouton story will have the three gnomes embedded in it, which you can hear about whenever you want. I'm here as long as I can remember. 1969, Tassajara, it's raining a lot. The roads washed out. It's washed out for a long, for most of the practice period, the roads washed out.

[15:33]

which means that our diet gets very simple. We actually had lots of brown rice and wheat berries stored up. So we actually had food to eat the whole practice period, but it got very simple. Like we ran out of oil and sesame seeds and fresh vegetables, so we actually collected the fresh vegetables from the hillside, curly dock and miner's lettuce. Curly dock grows here at Green Gulch around the parking lot. I had some yesterday. And actually, the leafs in Green Gulch are bigger than the ones at Tassajara. But anyway, it's actually quite good, but I got to not like it very much because that's all we had for a long time. But anyway, the diet got very simple. Because of having no oil, it was very difficult to make bread. And so we had almost no bread.

[16:36]

So most of our food was like very kind of thin, like soupy kind of food, except for the wheat berries. They were quite solid. And people didn't chew them, so that's another story. But anyway, one day, I don't know how I found out about it, whether I saw it or heard about it. I heard that there was going to be something solid in the food. And what it's going to be is croutons in the soup. There might have even been some cheese in there someplace mixed in with the soup. I don't remember. But anyway, definitely remember the croutons. And so people were number... I was kind of interested in having some croutons. And I also somehow understood that croutons sink to the bottom of the soup. They float for a while, but then they get heavy and they sink to the bottom. And so then it was time to have lunch.

[17:42]

And we had the soup with the croutons in there somewhere down towards the bottom of the soup thing. And When you serve the soup, if the server scoops the soup from the top, you won't get any croutons. You just get the liquid. So the server has to go down, plunge deep into the serving pot, which there were very deep serving pots in those days, and get those croutons for you. And so it was my turn to be served. And I saw the server coming up the row. And I don't know if I knew that this server was a server, a deep dipper. But I noticed this server who was coming to me was a server who really put that ladle way down to the bottom and came up with all kinds of solid matter, croutons for the monks. And I was looking forward to him reaching me and giving me some croutons.

[18:48]

And the Zendo had four rows and a partition down the middle, and I was on... And on the other side of the crouton... On the other side of the crouton... On the other side of the partition, there was another server, the famous Jerome Peterson, who I knew from experience was a top skimmer. Why he was a top skimmer, there's various theories. But anyway... He served very thin liquid, almost unobstructed by anything but water. And so the server was coming to me, the deep dipper was coming to me. And then I saw the corner of my eye. I saw Jerome coming around the corner. And I actually felt like, you know, kind of like he was coming around the corner on two wheels, kind of.

[19:50]

He was coming fast. And I thought, oh, my God, he's going to get to me before the deep dipper. And there they were, neck and neck, and Jerome got there first. And he served me thin stuff, no croutons. Now, there's seconds, right? But by the time there were seconds, there was no croutons. Anyway, I didn't get any croutons that day. But then, you know, after the meal, when I walked out of Zen Do, I was crying, not because I didn't get croutons, but that I was coming to practice Zen and had been reduced to such pettiness. I was really shocked by how petty I was to be concerned about such things. At that time, my understanding of the bodhisattva vow was not very well developed, but it was well enough developed to know that this was pettiness.

[21:00]

I was attracted to Zen by stories of bodhisattvas, of very generous people who were not very concerned about themselves. who did not, yeah, they were into confidence in helping others and they didn't think they were very important and I thought that was really cool and they really seemed to be happy. So I wanted to come and learn that, but I was kind of shocked how little I had learned about not being concerned for myself, that I would get that interested in which server was going to arrive first. But I also felt good that I was aware of my pettiness, even though it was painful and shocking. I thought, well, actually, this is more what the monastery is for, rather than to come here and think you're all selfless and everything. Which reminds me of another story from the early days. This guy came to Tassajara, and he was quite disappointed.

[22:04]

He told me, he said, I thought when I came here, all the other people would be like in nirvana. And I was really shocked that they weren't. So it's good if we're aware. If we have pettiness and if we have self-cleaning and self-concern, it's good that we're aware of it. The wisdom practice is to look at that. The wisdom practice is to look at our own belief in an independently existing person. So bodhisattvas are not only devoted to the welfare of others, they also understand that there aren't any others and there isn't any self that you can actually get a hold of. It's not that the appearance of a self or appearance of others doesn't exist. It's just there's no independent people out there and there's no independent people over here. But to understand that deeply, we have to go to the place where we don't understand it.

[23:08]

We have to go to the place where we're being petty and self-concerned. And we have to graciously study that along with our focus on helping others. We're studying our self-clinging for the welfare of others. We're studying the self-clinging so we will be able to let go of it and be better servants to all beings. So we need the samadhi, the samadhi of the bodhisattva mind, the samadhi that focuses on helping others, along with the vigilance about self-clinging, the study of the self, along with that. And the self-clinging may continually be offered, but if we keep studying it, and studying it, after a while it is possible that we just won't be able to cling to the self anymore because we really know that it cannot be found. Then our devotion to beings will be wonderfully unhindered and we will be living the life which of course we all want to live, which includes giving

[24:23]

carefulness, vigilance, patience, enthusiasm, concentration, and wisdom. When I was 13, one Sunday afternoon, it's Sunday today, And right now it's about noon in Minnesota. I was in Minnesota. It was a Sunday afternoon. And I was unhappy about something. I don't know what. Thirteen-year-olds are capable of being unhappy. As a matter of fact, Maceo Anderson was extremely unhappy or extremely upset yesterday around 6 o'clock, as he was going on the airplane, he said, I do not want to go to Green Gulch.

[25:30]

And he really got upset about it and he wanted his mom to come and take him back home. So his grandmother was confronted with this very angry voice screaming in the in the waiting area with a lot of people watching thinking that she was abusing him. Very upset about coming. Now he's here and very chipper. But he was very upset yesterday. And he's only 10. When he's 13, he's going to be able to get more upset with those hormones. And it's going to be bigger. So we have something ahead of us here. And so I was 13. I'm not very big now physically, but I was a big 13-year-old. And I was suffering.

[26:35]

And then, you know, the thought just occurred to me that my suffering would more or less evaporate if I could just just be focused on being kind to other people. That would just... I wouldn't have any problems if that was what I was doing all the time. And I still feel that way. And I was very happy to... And then I just started thinking about that and I had a wonderful evening and then I got up in the morning and went to school on Monday morning and I went up to the school, which was right near my house, climbed up the hill, walked in the door, opened the door and saw the other people. And I forgot. I forgot that that would be happiness. And I got into other things like, did they like me or not? Are they concerned with my welfare?

[27:35]

If you see someone who's really beautiful, sometimes you forget about the welfare of others. Even though the person's really lovely, you forget about their welfare and you think maybe like, well, I'd like that person just to like me, or I'd like that person to spend time with me, or I'd like to own that person. Or if you see somebody who's not attractive to you, you might think, I want to get far away from that person. So when somebody really, or somebody violent, you see somebody violent, I want to get away from that person, rather than, what can I do for you, Mr. Violent, Miss Violent? How can I be of service? What's the matter, sweetheart? It's easy to forget, even though it's the greatest happiness, and the only real happiness is to be concerned for the welfare of others. But we also need to join that concern for the welfare of others with realizing that there aren't any others, really.

[28:57]

I mean, you can never find one. So we have to go ahead and be devoted to something we can't find. Also, you can't find the happiness that comes with being devoted to others. and be devoted to others anyway, and be overwhelmed and underwhelmed and supported by great happiness which you can't find. So to continue to be devoted to all beings when there aren't any to be found, this is really challenging work when all these beings are coming at you from all directions. And this is what we're trying to learn and we're being told that if we practice in a certain way we will be able to learn this and also being told that we will be able to practice this way. It's possible for us to do this practice and we're here to help each other do it.

[30:01]

And the world supporting this Sangha to have this meditation hall. People are sending us money who don't even live here because they want us to provide this place to practice for people. Not even for themselves. They may never come but they would like this meditation hall to be here where people can come and study their pettiness. Where people can come and be still and remember what they really want to do with their life and where people can come and sit and be still and be sad and grieve over the life that's now past and let go of it and be fresh and find the vow to live for the welfare of others. People want a workshop where bodhisattvas are made, where Buddhas are made.

[31:09]

They want this place. They want Buddhas to be made here. And so let's make Buddhas. Let's make bodhisattvas. And if it's slow and difficult, this process, let's be patient. And let's be enthusiastic even though it's slow. Even trying and failing is wonderful. And the story of the gnomes goes like this. This is a short version of the story. Once there was a girl and she had a father but her mother died. And there was another girl who had a mother but her father died. And the mother of the other girl saw the girl and told this girl that if this girl's father would marry her, she would treat this girl very nicely.

[32:22]

Also, this girl was very kind. And the other girl was very mean. But anyway, the girl had some gaining idea. This kind girl, this kind girl has some gaining idea. So she told her father about this woman and encouraged her father to marry the woman. And the father said, well, being married has its good points, but it's also kind of like hell. So I just kind of like taking care of you. I don't want to get married. And the little girl said, well, would you? Come on, Dad. I think this lady will be really nice to me. She promised to do some stuff for me that you don't do. She said she'd take me to the mall. Anyway... The father said, okay, okay. Well, here, take this boot, which you may see has a hole in the bottom of it, and take it upstairs and hang it on a peg and then fill it with water.

[33:43]

And if the boot doesn't leak, I'll marry her. So... she did that. She filled the boot with water and... I guess you might guess what happened, because this would be a short story otherwise. The water caused the boot to swell, the hole closed up, and the boot held the water. And the girl looked and said, oh my God, hey Dad, come and look. And he went up and looked, and sure enough, the boot was not leaking. I said, OK, I'll marry her. So I married her. And then you also might guess what happened. She didn't follow through on her nice. She forgot about being nice. She started out being nice, but then she started being really mean. And she's kind of nice to her own daughter, who was a mean girl, but very mean to this girl. And after a while, she had a little errand for her stepdaughter, who she hated.

[34:50]

And part of the reason why she hated her was because she was so kind and her daughter was so mean. So she did everything she could to make the kind, compassionate girl, the generous girl, miserable. And one day she had the idea of sending her out on a cold winter day into the forest and she made her a special outfit to wear of paper. thin paper. Not only did it provide very little warmth, but this forest was full of brambles, so it would probably rip off her. She said, go out in the forest and collect me strawberries. Fill this basket with strawberries and don't come back until it's full. The girl says, it's cold out there. I'm not going to be able to be warm and this is going to get ripped off me.

[35:52]

Why are you sending me out to do this? And also there's no strawberries in winter. And the woman said, how dare you talk like that to me. Just go do it. And so she went and did it. Off she went into the forest, into the snow and the cold with her paper outfit on and her basket. And she came upon a little cottage And I think maybe the cottage had a little porch. And sitting on the porch were three... This is part of why Maceo likes this story. There were three gnomes. He likes to say gnome. So... So we get to that part and we say, and there were three, and he goes, gnomes.

[36:53]

And then the gnome said, hi, please come here. And he said, what do you got there? And she said, I have a little bit of bread. And they said, can we have some? And she said, yeah. She broke her bread in half and gave them half. And then they said, please come inside, it's cold. So she went inside and sat by the fire. And they said to her, what are you doing out in the forest in the winter with paper dress on? She said, well, my stepmother made this for me and told me to go out and get strawberries. And they said, oh, well, go out in the back porch and sweep the snow off the back porch. Or go out in the backyard and sweep the snow away. So she said, OK. And while she was gone, the gnomes had a little conference and they said, she's a very generous girl and courageous too.

[37:57]

You know, she's very polite. What can we do to reward her? And one gnome said, well, my gift to her would be that... Every day she'll become more beautiful. The next gnome said, my gift to her would be that when she talks, gold coins come out of her mouth. The next gnome said, my gift to her would be that she will marry a great compassionate king. So she came back in and she said, I swept the backyard for you and I discovered that there were strawberries out there. And I said, go right ahead and fill your basket. Which she did and she somehow got back home and gave her stepmother the basket.

[39:04]

And I don't know what happened, but anyway, she said something to her stepmother and guess what happened? So this gold coin comes out of her mouth and her stepmother says, where did you get that? And she said, I got it from the gnomes. And another one comes out. And the stepmother actually gets angry about this and also gets angry that she's gotten more beautiful. And so she sends her daughter out to visit the gnomes. But she makes her daughter a beautiful, not beautiful, but anyway, huge, thick fur coat to go out there. And so she goes out there and she goes to the gnomes' place and she walks up to it and they say, hi, what are you doing? And she said, none of your business. And she says, do you have anything for me?

[40:10]

And they say, yeah, come on inside. And then they say to her, can we have some of your food? She says, no, it's for me. And then they say, oh, would you go out in the back and sweep the backyard? And she says, you do it. I'm not your maid. So she has her little snack and warms up and they say, and then they say bye and she leaves. And they say, what can we do to her? What gifts can we give her? And the first gnome says, the gift I would give her is that every day she'd get uglier. And the next gnome said, my gift to her would be that when she talks, toads jump out of her mouth. And the third gnome says, my gift to her would be that she has a very horrible death. This is Grimm Brothers.

[41:14]

But, you know, I think, excuse me for saying so, but I think Shanti David tells the same stories. If you're not generous, if I'm not generous, if we're not generous, we are going to have a horrible death. And not just one. But we're not generous for that reason. Well, we're not, no. But if we are. If we were generous for If we're generous for the reason to avoid, then it wouldn't be generous. Anyway, back to the story. If we're not generous, we will have great suffering if we're not generous. But if we're generous not to avoid great suffering, but because we like to be generous, and we want to help all beings, if we're generous for that reason, with no clinging to a self in the process, well then our birth and death actually will be our playground, our joyful paradise.

[42:32]

We'll love to be here in birth and death so we can practice giving. So it's, you know, it's actually an appropriate story pretty much. The gnomes are not, the gnomes are just, you know, the masters of the workings of karma. They're just the way karma gives us a nice gift of what he called, it's called the wheel of sharp swords and knives. That's one of the stories of karma. If we do not practice, we'll get in big trouble. It's not good to emphasize that in such a violent country as America. People don't like to hear about that. But in more peaceful countries, they do mention the horrible things that happen if we're selfish. If we don't practice generosity, we'll get in big trouble. And if we do, especially if we do it selflessly, it will be really good for everybody. Unfortunately, those people who are not practicing generosity will not

[43:41]

be able to realize the merit which we wish to give to them from our practice of generosity. We want to help the selfish people, but they don't want our help. So if they reject it, that would be too bad. And if we reject the kindness of others, which is coming nonstop in this form, in that form, it comes in all these guises. So, you know, in order... I'm not going to get into the other part about the king and all that. It's too much. But a king does come and all that. And... But part of what I was struck by was the boot that, you know, each story has its unique kind of strange quality about how we get involved in these situations by various special conditions.

[45:00]

And then there's some very pervasive teaching. So this is a folk story which the Grimm brothers, they probably went out into the forest and got these stories from these little ladies who live in those cottages, who have these stories, and they collected them. But these little ladies, old ladies, who are sitting in those cottages telling those stories, they're transmitting certain teachings of karma, which the world knows about and which are out there. And yeah, and so Macy wanted me to talk about that today. And I did. But he didn't come. Huh? Well, just that part of the hero's journey is that her father did not want to get married because it's trouble to him.

[46:02]

And it turned out to be a lot of trouble for him to be married to this cruel woman. But his daughter, her journey required that she get together with this mean lady. He didn't want to live with her. And if she had known, she wouldn't have wanted to either. However, you know, there were forces which were contributing to her evolution which helped the boot not leak so that she could get into this mess. And even in this mess, she continued to be kind and generous. So part of us doesn't want to get into this situation, and we set up some kind of way to get out of it. But sometimes we have the good fortune of being forced into situations which push us to go deeply and get to know ourselves deeply and to find our bodhisattva path. Because just last night when I read the story to him, I was struck by the part about the boot, interesting little detail.

[47:14]

That is, her father did not want to get married. And he set up a major test to whether this is really destiny for me to get married. And the butch said, yeah, you've got to serve your daughter by putting her in this very challenging situation so she can demonstrate her compassion. And part of him didn't want to do that. It doesn't say about how he wasn't noticing this meanness But maybe he didn't feel like he was up for it. Maybe he sensed, this is going to be terrible and I'm not up for it. I don't want to be in such a world. But he did enter it and he brought his girl with him and she thrived in this adversity and became a great bodhisattva. I am fortunately, truly inspired and grateful to the great efforts you have made in this session and in this practice period.

[48:44]

I know it's been difficult at times, but you have been heroic like that girl, you have been generous, you have been patient, you have been careful, you have been somewhat concentrated, you've been somewhat distracted also, and you've been somewhat wise. during this training time. And I just thank you very much for your great efforts. And of course, I pray that we will continue until everybody enters the unsurpassed way and realizes the Buddha body. I'm very happy to still be alive and rooting for this great possibility. Thank you very much. And once again, just let me tell you that Maceo Anderson is at Green Gulch.

[50:00]

And that may have various consequences, particularly on me. So please support me to cope with his presence, which may mean something unusual will happen to me. I may show up at lunch wearing work clothes. or running away from a swordman. Please embrace silence and stillness, not just in Sashin, but every moment of your life.

[51:03]

Even if you're moving or speaking, please be mindful of silence and stillness. And I hope that you discover again and again your ultimate concern and actualize it. Here comes one of Maceo's friends. I heard about that sword and I thought, oh, he's going to be chasing me with that.

[52:13]

Okay. Thank you for your teachings this week. You're welcome. And for the practice period. You're welcome. Thank you for your great efforts. You're welcome. I have a question about the sutra or the verse we've been chanting at lunchtime. Mostly it's kind of a general question about it. And if you could, I could get more specific if I thought about it, I suppose, but I'm not really gleaning anything that is helpful for me from that verse. So maybe if you have something that you would hope we might take away from it. I mean, I should have asked two months ago when we started, you know, chanting it.

[53:19]

But here we are. I'll chant it one more time at least. Well, the first thing that actually probably won't chant it today is there's been a request to chant the opposite of that verse. Okay. So I think we're not going to chant it again. Maybe tomorrow at noon service we can do it for you. Okay, good. Good, thank you. The first thing that occurs to me is... I was wondering is when you say I wasn't getting, I wasn't seeing anything useful or beneficial for me in the sutra. I was wondering is it kind of neutral or do you have some negativity or some opposition to what's being said? Because if there's some opposition then we could work with that. Some actual problem or dissonance? At this point it's pretty neutral. I've just kind of decided not to let it bother me.

[54:23]

But when it bothered you, what was bothering you? Well, so there's a Buddha that sounds like an omniscient God who is kind of, he's watching over us, helping us, I suppose. And, yeah, and he's sort of manipulating us, I don't know, in a way, but he's trying to get us into this unsurpassed wisdom, right? So it sounds all right to me, but I guess I'm not that interested in believing that that's true. Okay. It sounds like you're a little bit irritated that he's manipulating you. He seems a little bit arrogant to me.

[55:25]

And that's kind of irritating. An arrogant Buddha. Especially since he's going around telling everybody not to be arrogant. Yeah, exactly. So what's he doing? Yeah, so there's many points here. One is that I offer the proposal that it is possible to have lots of confidence at the same time not be arrogant. And so the Buddhas are speaking with tremendous confidence, and some bodhisattvas do too, and at the same time they're humble. So the Buddha actually speaks with this tremendous confidence and unsurpassed authority and is humble. So we need to see how the Buddha is humble. And I can tell you stories about how Shakyamuni Buddha was humble. But the Buddha of the Lotus Sutra is maybe even more magnanimous or magnificent, but still needs to be humble

[56:30]

He's teaching us to be humble. Matter of fact, he says in this verse, he says, if you're humble, you will see me. Right now, we can't see the Buddha, maybe. But if we're really humble, we will see the Buddha. And the Buddha we see will be a humble Buddha, even though it's a great, compassionate, and wise Buddha. The wisdom goes with humility. So, I can see how you would say that the Buddha maybe looks arrogant, but that's because it's hard for us to see confidence without arrogance, because usually when humans are confident, usually they're very vulnerable to pride. So he's recommending that we be humble so we can see him. As a matter of fact, he won't show his beautiful, humble body to us if we're arrogant. Because it wouldn't be good for us arrogant people to see the Buddha and then reject the Buddha. It would be very bad for us.

[57:31]

And Suzuki Roshi had, what do you call it? I feel that Suzuki Roshi, for a lot of people, had moral authority. But he didn't have moral superiority. In other words, especially he didn't feel he was morally superior to us. And that went hand in hand with his moral authority with us. And I feel the Buddha teaches that Buddhas and bodhisattvas should not put themselves above other people. This is one of our precepts. Buddhas are great without being better or above us, even though we put them up on the altar. We put them up for our benefit, not for theirs. And they allow us to put them up to show us that they can be above us without looking down on us. that they really feel, the Buddhists feel like, I'm nothing but you. I'm nothing but devotion to you. That's all I am. And the historical Buddha Shakyamuni was a historical manifestation of this, you could say God if you want, but it's a historical manifestation of a compassionate, wise form of being.

[58:53]

that is kind of, what do you call it? What's the word? It's an emergence of suffering beings. So we have suffering beings, right? Plenty of them, having problems with each other, being afraid of destruction of their goods and companions. We have all these suffering beings. And what seems to have evolved in this world is out of this suffering has arisen compassion. Somehow compassion has been born of all this suffering. And, you know, we can see it sort of historically, that there was all this suffering, and then we now have a historical example of a compassionate being who is also wise. But part of the teaching of the Buddha is also that Buddha is not just a historical person. Buddha's this compassion and this wisdom is insubstantial. It's not confined to historical process. But it's willing to come into historical process for beings that live in history.

[60:00]

And we human beings, we live in history. We live in his and her story. We live in story land. And the stories we live in, we have lots of problems with. That's our karma. So Buddhas, this emergent quality of humanity and not just of sentientness, which gives rise to Buddhas, the Buddhas then also come into the world of delusion, of birth and death, to help the beings in birth and death. However, sometimes They go away too. So Shakyamuni Buddha came into the world as Shakyamuni Buddha so people could see the Buddha. And he taught them, but then he left. And he left because he thought it would help them if he left. But he was there before, the Buddha was there before he manifested in history. And after he left history, after he was history, the Buddha's still there.

[61:06]

So part of what the Lotus Sutra is saying is the historical Buddha did go away, but the Buddha which manifested as the historical Buddha is still here with us. The teaching of that chapter is saying Buddha is still right with you. And not just Shakyamuni Buddha. All the Buddhas are with you right now. That's what this chapter is saying. The impersonal manifestation of compassion and whatever else is with us. It's with us. The unmanifested in historical form is with us. However, in that verse, in that chapter, he's explaining two things. One is, well, in this Lotus Sutra explaining, first of all, at the beginning of the Lotus Sutra, he says the reason why Buddhas appear in the world, in other words, Buddhas don't just live in the human world of birth and death. They live also beyond it. So Buddhas live in vast openness of space, and they also live in the mud and the weeds of birth and death.

[62:14]

And they care about beings even when they're not in birth and death, but they appear in birth and death in order to teach beings. That's the first part of the Lotus Sutra mentions that. It's one of the main teachings of the Lotus Sutra is, what's the reason for Buddhas appearing? They appear because they want things to have wisdom. Chapter 16 is telling you, not only do they appear for that reason, but also they leave for that reason. But not only that, but even though they leave, they're still here. So he's explaining why they leave, and the reason they leave is because some people will not practice when they're around. And in my life, in our life at this Zen Center, we had a very nice teacher, and he left. So I said at one of the memorial ceremonies for him, on December 4th we do the memorial ceremony, I said, no actually it wasn't a memorial ceremony, it was when I became avid, I said, he came,

[63:19]

to teach us, he stayed with us to teach us, and he left to teach us, just like the Buddha. The Buddha comes to teach us, spends some time with us to teach us, and the Buddha leaves to teach us, because if the Buddha stays around, like if Suzuki Rishi stayed around, a lot of us young students would have just sort of said, well, that's nice, he's here, we don't have to take responsibility for this Zen center or for Buddhism in America, because we have him. Daddy's still here. So we just, you know, it was very nice, you know, to bathe in the warmth of having a nice, compassionate, enjoyable Zen master. And then maybe someday I'll grow up and, you know, accept responsibility for this. So when he died, I think we started to grow up, some of us who were pretty young. We didn't do very well, but we have been growing up And so if the Buddha stays around, some people, not everybody, but some people don't grow up.

[64:21]

That's why they leave. So he's explaining, in the first part of the sutra, he's explaining why they come. In this sutra it says why they go. And it uses the example of the doctor. You know that story? So the doctor, his children are sick. He's a skillful doctor. He gives them medicine. And the sober, sane children take the medicine and become well. But some of the children are so insane and intoxicated, they don't take the medicine. So then he goes away and sends word back that he's died. And then in their grief, they sober up. And then when they become sober, they say, Oh, yeah, our father left us some medicine, and then they take the medicine. And as soon as they take the medicine, he comes back. So Shakyamuni Buddha left us some medicine. Some of us have not taken it yet.

[65:24]

As soon as we take the medicine, this scripture is telling us in that chapter, as soon as we take the medicine, we'll actually see the Buddha right now. You will actually see him or her or it. teaching the Lotus Sutra right in front of you when you take the medicine. What's the medicine? Be devoted to all beings. Give yourself to enter the realms of suffering in order to help them. Be upright, gentle, harmonious, honest. And if you're that way, you will see the Buddha. But if you're not that way, the Buddha's not going to come say, hi, and have you say, I'm busy. That wouldn't be good. So this amazing chapter is saying, the Buddhas are with you. The Buddhas are in this world. They're in this room with us, supporting us.

[66:30]

But we have to do our part. And when we do our part, we'll realize Shakyamuni Buddha is still here with us. Then we get to go to those places with the gardens and the groves and the pavilions and the beautiful jewels and stuff? It isn't that we get to go there. We'll realize that's where we are. We'll realize that this is nirvana. When I was Shih Tzu, you know, I had kind of a difficult time being Shih Tzu, some challenges. And then the Shusol ceremony, I was kind of unhappy with my performance. I was kind of ashamed and humiliated by my performance as head monk. And then there was a few days of practice period after that. And I just happened to have noticed, just before it ended, that I was in heaven, that I was in a pure land. It was quite nice. Sometimes we notice that we're in heaven.

[67:35]

that we're all in peaceful, harmonious relationship with the other. Even though we know people are fighting over in Iraq, somehow we still see that right here, this is nirvana. And then we feel encouraged. We might even be willing to go to Iraq if necessary because of that encouragement. And also, sometimes, I remember I used to go sometimes down to the field. We used to have, in the summer, communal work every day after Zazen when we were younger. And sometimes I go down there and work in the fields and I just realize, this is nirvana. This isn't a bunch of selfish people fighting with each other. This isn't war. This is peace and harmony, us working together. That's what you realize when you practice the way the Buddha taught. Until then, well, we know what the world looks like when it's in turmoil and there's strife and disharmony.

[68:40]

We see that. We got that down pretty well. But the Buddha is saying, I'm with you all the time. The Buddha is saying, we're with you all the time. If you practice this way, you'll see it and you will be greatly encouraged and then you'll be able to help other people practice and see it. Thank you. I think that's helpful. And just one last thing. What does the word sharira mean? It's the, after the Buddha goes away and they cremate the Buddha, there's little pieces of bone left. And people venerate these remains. So actually, there are the remains of the Buddha which are still cared for in various places. They're almost all in Asia. And so another principle here is that Buddhas appear in the world so people can have something to worship.

[69:46]

Because when people worship means see some worth, acknowledge some worth. And acknowledging the worth of this world of suffering seems to be part of helping us live in it. So Buddhas appear in a way that people can acknowledge some worth and receive some inspiration to live in this difficult place with a sense of how wonderful it is to try to help the other people, some of whom do not see any worth. My grandson, last night at the airport, didn't see any worth in coming to Green Gulch. But his grandmother, you know, played the part of the Buddhas and supported him. And now he's Chipper Maceo again. But he may get into one of those places where he can't see anything but the terror of this world, of being ripped to shreds by causes and conditions and torn apart and separated from his mother and all those terrible things.

[70:53]

So Buddhas appear so we can see some worth, and from that worth we can then help all beings. And so sometimes after the historical Buddha goes away, he leaves these little pieces, which people all over Asia for 2,500 years have been worshipping, to keep their spirits up under these horrible, challenging situations we get into. That's what the Sharira are. relics. It's the Sanskrit word for relic. And if you want to know what asamkhya is, that's a long time. Good morning.

[72:26]

Good morning. I'm hoping you can help me with something. I'm hoping you can help me with something. I don't know yet, but I may need to take Molly, the little kitty cat I've been living with, to the vet's assistants who have offered to try to find a home for her if she can't stay here or I can't find another home. And I really can hardly bear the idea of that. And I'm wondering if that has something to do with my sense of self and projecting that onto her. But if I tell myself that, you know, beings don't have inherent existence, if I try going that route, it feels like denial or nihilism.

[73:46]

So if it comes to that, can you tell me or give me some hint out of practice? If it comes to you taking Molly to the vet? Yeah. Yeah, I think the main thing that comes to mind is to try to look into your heart and see if there's probably two things going on. One is your concern for her. And in some sense, we don't recommend being patient with other people's suffering. So in some sense, to feel her suffering and not go with that, don't do anything which would cause suffering for her. And the other part is to see what part of it's about your own suffering, and that you should be patient with. So I should be patient with my suffering, but not hers. And try to see which is which. Don't deny either one.

[74:56]

But one, practice patience with. Well, I know I'm not going to be with her. And I have some peace with that. I think I do have patience with at least that part of my suffering. Okay, that's good. But then the suffering, my other part of my suffering comes up when I imagine her suffering in a cage, you know, disoriented inside, blah, blah, blah. You know, the conditions that she'll be put in, at least temporarily. That's when my suffering really comes up. Yeah, and I'm saying there's two parts there. One is her suffering, which I'm not telling you to be patient with. And the other is your suffering with her suffering. So my suffering with her suffering and my suffering with your suffering, that I practice patience with. Not denial, not... It's practicing patience with that which goes with understanding insubstantiality.

[76:01]

It isn't that I feel insubstantiality and then don't practice patience and put the pain aside. But there's two pains. One is hers. And hers is something we do not wish to be patient with. Hers is something... feeling her suffering should be happy. You should be happy that you care for her this much. There's another part, which is your suffering, and that you need to be patient with. And to tell the difference between the two is possible. And then there's another kind of suffering which is not about her suffering, about your suffering, about her suffering, but is the suffering of separation, which you seem to be okay with. So don't, yeah, I would not say apply insubstantiality to her suffering, and not to yours either.

[77:06]

But it will come to you. It will come to you if you take good care of it. For her and for us. Not just for yourself. But I can't take care of her suffering. Yes, you can take care of her suffering by taking care of your own. The main way you can help her and help me and help everybody is by taking care of your own and showing us how to do it. And not to say you're not doing it, but it's also part of taking care of suffering is to tell the difference between one kind of suffering. It's not suffering, it's pain. When you love someone and they're suffering and you feel pain, that pain is not suffering. That's compassion. You're supposed to be happy about that part. Yeah. There should be a joy here that you feel pain about her suffering.

[78:10]

That part is good. But I'm the agent who delivers her into her suffering. No, no. You're not the agent. You're not an independent agent. You're not an independent agent who's delivering her. I have that thought sometimes that I should be able to prevent it or something. I think wanting to prevent her suffering is fine. Wanting to protect her from suffering is fine. But even that, I should not think I'm the independent agent of that either. I'm not the independent agent of anything. We're working together on this. And that part, if you work on that, that helps her. That can be transmitted to her if you don't take all the responsibility over to yourself, which can be blaming yourself. That's too much.

[79:12]

But I think there is an element here that should be, that not should be, is a joy. And the element is that you care for her such that when she suffers, you feel pain. But that pain is not suffering, that's compassion. then there's another kind of pain which is suffering, which is any kind of clinging to the situation or thinking that you're the independent actor here. That will be painful. That's suffering. That's not compassion. That's suffering. But again, if you feel pain at the suffering of that, then you feel compassion for yourself. And that's your main gift to give to Molly, is that you give her compassion. In other words, I'm with you, I love you, I feel pain at your suffering. That's what will help her. Thank you.

[80:15]

And please don't see this as you're doing this independence on your own. I don't see it that way. I think a lot of people are supporting you. Whichever way you go, whatever action appears, you're not going to be doing it alone. Many people are consciously and unconsciously supporting you, whatever you do, however it goes. And you're part of it, however it goes. But you're not in control by yourself. Thank you. I appreciate the depth of your study of this. And I'm very happy that you ... I would be very happy if you can get in touch with ... that there's some joy here. It's wonderful that you feel her pain. That's wonderful. In the future.

[81:17]

It's my imagination for paintings. She's living in the present. She's still very happy. Oh, okay. Not there yet. Well, I hope you can find a little suffering that you can have compassion for. Hi.

[82:18]

Welcome, Frederick. Thank you. And talk for E-Dog. What's that? Talk for E-Dog. For, oh, no. Do you understand me? Ask Osa. Oh, I thought you said something in English. I've never been so insulted. Sorry. So I'm noticing this tendency in our minds that the thought of being inadequate... The thought of being adequate has arisen in your mind?

[83:26]

Inadequate. Inadequate? Yeah. That tendency to kind of feel in certain situations that you're not good enough, you're feeling kind of... you know, inadequate or it's a lack of trust in yourself. Lack of confidence. Lack of confidence, lack of trust, yeah. In those situations, what can we use to remind ourselves that that's not true? Well, it's not so much that it's not true, It's a matter that it's about whether it causes you to be despondent. For example, I could say, I'm not adequate to play pro football. In other words, if I went out and played with those guys, I probably wouldn't live much longer because they're so huge and strong and I've become so fragile that I probably would die

[84:33]

So I don't feel adequate to go out there and play with them during a game. If we made special arrangements, we could do something, but I feel inadequate to that kind of interaction. However, I don't feel despondent about it. I accept it. What's despondent? I don't feel depressed. I don't feel like I'm putting myself down. I think I'm just being realistic. But when it comes to, like, feeling I don't feel adequate to, like, face my life, then I think people might have that thought. But if you feel happy about that thought, it's okay. If it's encouraging. But to feel like, okay, I'm not up for it, so I'm not going to make the effort. You know? So the bodhisattva spirit is, I say, Frederic, would you please do something for me? And you say, yes. Before you say, what? Say, would you do something, would you give me a great gift, Frederick?

[85:40]

You don't say, well, what? You say, yes. And then maybe I say, now if I tell you what it is, you might say, no. Like I say, would you please be cruel to Vajra or John? You say, no. But you're not despondent. You're just like, no way, man. You feel happy to say no if I say it for you to do something unwholesome. You say, no! Hey, I got a gift for you. No. You're not despondent. But you could say, I feel inadequate to be cruel to them. I just can't. But you don't have to be despondent. It would be like, I can't do that. It's too hard. I don't have the ability to be cruel. Well, that's not true. But sometimes you feel like you can't do something, or you can't do it because it's wrong. I cannot do that wrong thing. And you don't feel despondent. But the basic spirit is, if I would say to you, would you do something for me?

[86:45]

You say, yes. And I say, would you move those mountains? And you say, yes. Or you say, well, I don't think they should be moved. I'd be happy to do it if it would be a good idea, but I don't think it's good to move them. And I said, what I mean is just cooperate with the general tectonic shift of the mountains. They're being moved. Would you please cooperate? And you say, sure. The point is that this thing about despondency is laziness. So when it's laziness... then that's something we should say. This is laziness. This is just laziness. But when it's like, this is unrealistic, then you have the capacity and the ability to wholeheartedly say, this is unrealistic. And it isn't like you're, what do you call it? You can be humble and enthusiastic at the same time.

[87:48]

Yeah, so when you're despondent and you're in that form of laziness, you spoke about Shantideva's third form of laziness. What do you say to yourself to remind yourself that that's not maybe... It's not good. Yeah. So it's not that difficult, actually, I don't think, to spot, oh, this is laziness. I know what this is. This is laziness. So now you know what it is, okay? You're not believing it. You just realize, I'm being lazy. Like my daughter was learning, teaching her math, you know? She said, I can't do this. She's actually very smart, you know? But she's being lazy. I can't do this. She can. But she says she can't. Because it takes a little effort for her to learn it, right? So she says, I can't do it. It's just unwholesome laziness that she's saying. If her going out that night really depended on her doing her math, well, that would, you know... So the first step is identify it as laziness.

[89:00]

That's why this teaching's there. So you can tell the difference between realistically telling what you cannot do. And then the fourth thing, the fourth force... is to not do things that are too advanced. Do not go and play pro football unless you gain about 200 pounds of muscle. Do not. That would be something you should give a rest to. And to say to yourself, I'm not up for this, is realistic. But for things that you can do, and you say you can't do them just because you're lazy, you should be able to spot that as lazy. So like, for example, I can't be a great bodhisattva. That's laziness. I can't be devoted to the welfare of all beings. That's laziness. I can't do it now, today.

[90:02]

That's not laziness. That's just a fact. But I can never be that way. That's laziness. So now we've identified it with this teaching. Now we've spotted it. This is laziness. This isn't true. It's lazy. Then we go and practice generosity with it. We say, welcome, laziness. Please come in. I love you. You can be this way. And in that love, there won't be dwelling in it. It'll just be a difficult guest. And be patient with it. And be calm with it. And be nonviolent with it. And don't look down on it. So once you've identified it as laziness, then you practice compassion towards it. Identifying with laziness is part of compassion. That's part of noticing.

[91:04]

That's part of ethics. This isn't a realistic thing. This is a kind of cop-out. And then once you notice it, be kind to it. Be kind to copping out. Yeah, I guess I'm thinking a bit about when you spoke to Catherine here yesterday. She was kind of upset when you guided her back to her calm, peaceful self. You said something, I can't remember what it was. Maybe something like that. More of a positive reminder of actually what's the real case here. Maybe I missed the last little bit. a positive reminder of what's really the case? What's actually going on? Spotting it as laziness reminds you about making effort.

[92:07]

And you say, now that you spotted laziness, now you know you've got something kind of unwholesome to be kind to. Before that you thought you had a reality. Now you know, oh, this is laziness. We know what to do with laziness. We admit it, and then we be kind to it, and in the kindness we won't dwell on it. So laziness is an opportunity for practice. But if we think it's a reality, it's hard to practice with it. But at least then maybe, in some sense, if you accept it as a reality and be patient with it, your patience is being misled. It's okay to be patient with the pain, I think, of despondency. That's okay to be patient with. That will probably help you realize. And sometimes we realistically feel like we can't do something

[93:18]

And we feel pain around it, not because it's despondency, but because we're attached to doing the thing. Like, you know, I might be attached to certain things which aren't appropriate for me anymore. Like playing pro football. All right, thank you. You're welcome. I kind of felt like I didn't quite understand your question. I don't know if you felt met. I don't know. Maybe not completely. Do you remember when you spoke to Catherine here yesterday? I do. Maybe Catherine also remembers. Maybe if you were as upset and gave Reb some upsetness to meet, he would be able to give you the instruction that you're asking for.

[94:30]

I don't know if I'm capable of doing that right now. Is that a criteria for... Pardon? Is that a criteria for that lesson? Well, I think maybe what she's saying is if you actually did feel despondency, we could work with the actuality of it rather than, maybe it's too theoretical. And if you show me actual despondency, we might be able to look at it and see that it's laziness and be kind to it. And then you might be able to experience some release from it. Yeah. So if it's too theoretical, maybe it's hard for us to meet, unless you're showing me the current despondent Frederick. And then we can try to find out if this is something other than laziness. Yeah, no, I can't really find it right now. It was more like, you know, I don't know. In case it ever comes. When it comes, I mean, it comes like various... Pardon?

[95:38]

It comes now and then. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah. Yeah. But it's not here right now. It's just not here. Yeah. Despondency, I think, is not only the thought of, oh, that's a big job, and I don't know if I can do it, or I think I can't. I might think, that's too much for me, I might think. But then I might just let it go. It's just a fleeting thing like, that's too much. This is too big a job for me, this bodhisattva thing. I might think that, but then it just fleets by. So I don't have it long enough to get despondent. But when the thought, this practice is just too much, you know, session's too hard, practice period's too hard, you know, blah, blah, blah. And then I hold it too long, then I get to be despondent. But I usually don't hold these thoughts of how difficult it is to practice. I've learned that it puts me down.

[96:42]

So, like, I often use the example, this isn't a very big session, but in big sessions... I have in the past, the thought has crossed my mind, how can I do doksan with 90 people? It's like, I can't do it. And then I feel lazy. I feel despondent because of the way I'm thinking about it. But if it just goes like, how can I do doksan with 90 people? That's the end of it. then I don't even really get despondent. I don't feel down. But if I hold it for a little while, I learn I can't hold it. It's going to crush me. So then I've learned not to hold these big jobs for more than a flash of a second. And it can come again, but just for a flash. So I just see one person at a time. I don't know how many times that can happen, but just one person at a time. If you add them all up and look at it, you get scared. And then you get despondent, maybe.

[97:45]

So I sometimes do that, but I don't dwell in how difficult things are because I find it crushes me if I do. I become despondent. But I have slipped into it in the past, so I kind of like stay away from thinking about what a big job it is and just handle tiny little pieces of it. And one tiny little piece could be, this is too big a job. Okay, bye. It hurts, you know, just the thought, oh, it's so big. It hurts, but that's enough. Now let's have the next thing, please, next thing, next thing. If you have a little burden... you may dwell on it and not notice how the dwelling is the problem. The dwelling is laziness. If you have a big burden and you dwell on it, you can feel how unworkable that is.

[98:51]

That's one advantage of having big burdens, is you can realize how inefficient it is to dwell. You're doing a lot of thinking there, it looks like. Yeah, maybe I'll come back to you. Thank you. Thank you. Or as I often say, quoting our teacher, Suzuki Roshi, what we're doing is far too important to take seriously. May our intention equally extend to every...

[99:55]

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