I heard a rumor that two people were talking, and one they were talking about what kind of teaching, what kind of teachings I offer, what kind of teachings I offer. And one of them said, says the same thing over and over. But good. But it's good. This year, which in a way seems to be more than half over, I have been dedicated to the study and understanding of delusion, which could be rephrased as the study and understanding of affliction.

[01:22]

or the study and understanding of defilement. There's a Sanskrit word, klesha, which can be translated as delusion, affliction, defilement. Its root, the etymology of the word is stain or dye, like to dye a fabric, something that kind of spreads throughout some fabric. And the illusion in our mind and heart, it kind of spreads through the whole mind and the whole heart. Now the reason for studying this affliction or this delusion is that I've heard and I often repeat that Buddhas are those who study and thoroughly understand delusion.

[02:34]

Some non-Buddhas, some living beings who are not completely realized Buddhas, also study and study delusion but don't yet understand it. And some actually study and understand it thoroughly, but they haven't been studying and understanding it long enough to be a Buddha. However, those who study and understand are basically in the same practice as a Buddha. And even those who study delusion are definitely warming up to or getting ready for the actual meditation practice of the Buddha. But the topic of affliction and suffering and delusion, to be studying that, you're basically moving towards the Buddha way. And when you understand you're really on the Buddha way.

[03:42]

However, there's a long path after understanding delusion this understanding can get deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper. So, the year devoted to studying delusion is really just a little bit. But that's what I said. And then recently, enlisted the aid of one of the most important treatises in the great vehicle of the path to Buddhahood. And this is called Summary of the Great Vehicle or Embracing the Great Vehicle.

[04:47]

as a text by that name, Summary of the Great Vehicle by the great Bodhisattva Asanga. But also, aside from the text, I'm also wishing to embrace the great vehicle by studying delusion. And people come to me with and I listen to them and as I listen to them tell me about their afflictions and delusions I'm trying to embrace their afflictions and delusions which is my understanding is that's also trying to embrace the great vehicle. The great vehicle means all suffering beings moving towards Buddhahood. So we need to embrace all forms of affliction with compassion on the great vehicle.

[05:58]

If we do not embrace some being with compassion, then we are temporarily, in a sense, fallen off the great vehicle. But then we can notice that and be honest and repent it and re-enter the compassionate embrace of all suffering beings, the compassionate embrace of all delusion. So this teaching of the great vehicle, it starts out describing the creative process by which delusions arise.

[07:07]

It proposes that there is a consciousness, there is a cognitive process which is unconscious by ordinary standards, which supports the arising of what we ordinarily consider conscious states. So it's proposed at the beginning of this in the great vehicle that there is this mind, this unconscious mind which supports the arising of all conscious states of delusion. And that this mind is hidden and unconsciously stored in all active states. So that right now in our active consciousness of being in this room together with these people in this active consciousness where we're aware

[08:13]

that it's daytime and that I'm talking and you're listening. In those active consciousnesses, this unconscious storehouse consciousness is hidden. And all these active consciousnesses are also hidden in the storehouse consciousness. So this is an example of me saying the same thing again. to say it over and over until it takes hold of your consciousness, until it's in mind the way it's in the hearts and the minds of the great bodhisattvas. who are meditating on this mind which supports all active minds and this is a meditation on how delusion arises.

[09:19]

This is a meditation arising of affliction. The Buddhas study the creative process of suffering and by studying the creative process of suffering they realize freedom from suffering. So today there's so much suffering, so much misery. And 40 years ago there was so much suffering and so much misery. And 45 years ago there was so much suffering and so much misery. And I was living in Minnesota 45 years ago and I was thinking of in this world, what could I do to help?

[10:23]

I was in graduate school in psychology, personality psychology, and I heard some things that impressed me. One of the things I heard was that Somebody said, the people who are making the most creative and vital contribution to human culture are the people who have a sense of the process of change. It's not so much who knows the most, And there was some encouragement for me to learn more. And my advisor was encouraging me to read more journals.

[11:31]

But I heard this other message was, well, it's nice that some people have lots of information and learn and know a lot, but have great knowledge, but this other person said, The real leaders are the people who can sense where knowledge is going. They may not know a lot about science or physics or philosophy or biology or whatever. They may not know a lot about it, but they can tell where it's going. They may not be such, in some ways, they may not be so skillful as musicians, but they can tell where music is going. So I thought, I think maybe I would like to be a process spotter. And then if I was a process spotter, from that spotting the process, I could make some comment.

[12:39]

So I would be like a newscaster, a news commentator, and I would go on the news. And I would not just tell people what happened today, but give them a hint about what's going to happen tomorrow, or where today is headed. I thought that was creative. And I still feel that in this world of suffering, to speak in the most vital and creative way, we need to be immersed in the creative process, which includes we need to be immersed in the creative process of the mind, the creative process of delusion. Because delusion, I think, is in a sense the main thing that distracts us or obscures the creative process.

[13:42]

The delusion that we're separate makes it difficult, if we believe it, to see how we're creating each other, how we're working together in the creative process. The person who made this point about the process spotters are really where it's at. The people who can tell how the amassed knowledge is moving to a different amassed knowledge. He also said that in order to spot the process, the thing that you need to train yourself is not to get more information, but to develop your senses. And so, and then he made some comment, and the Eastern spiritual traditions are, they kind of specialize in training the senses.

[14:44]

And I think I agree in a sense that the Eastern traditions, the Buddha way being one of them, is to train the senses, to learn to use them, to discipline them so that we can process of creation and then from that place speak with authority in this world of suffering. So here we are in suffering, and if we're in this creative process, we might say, you know, it might be good to go this direction. Or it might be good to give up that. Or it might be good to do this. It might be good to stop that. It might be good to help over here. It might be good to do this, and it might be good to do that. But everybody can talk like that. Not everybody, but most people can make comments like that. They see the situation, they say, you know, I think this would be good. but almost no matter what you say, somebody else disagrees. I think it would be good not to, you know, make lots of holes in the ground in Alaska in order to get natural gas and oil.

[15:55]

Somebody might say, I think that. Somebody else said, no, I think it would be good to do that. Says that it would be good to do that, might have a lot of money so that they can, you know, have that amplified and broadcast very strongly. But somebody else might have not much money, but they might have enough which comes from speaking from creation. And even though that they don't maybe have enough money for their words to be on many TV stations and all over the Internet or whatever, there's an authority in what they say, not because they're smart and not because they're dumb, but because they have somehow entered into the creative process of delusion. And being there, they become conscious.

[16:59]

for the reality of dependent co-arising of delusion. And being in the dependent co-arising of delusion is the same place as the dependent co-arising of enlightenment and the authority of the Buddhas. But Buddha might watch TV. But Buddha might. I was actually thinking of going on TV. you know, being like Walter Cronkite, but, you know, from the position of maybe being trained in and then be Walter Cronkite. Although I thought he was pretty good, actually. For example, one time I think I saw, it was like a political convention, And there was, you know, a real crowded situation, like, you know, the National Convention to Choose a President, and the news people are there, and they're moving through the crowds.

[18:06]

And if you saw some famous person, some famous TV commentator moving through the crowd, and you talked to them, you know, they might be... Especially if you didn't have a camera with you, they might just sort of say, excuse me, I've got to get through here. Or they might even be irritated with you and mean to you. But I just remember that somebody, he was actually being filmed, but he didn't know he was being filmed. He was being camera-ized, but he didn't know that a camera was on him. Somebody came up to him and talked to him and kind of on his way somewhere. And the way he responded to the person was, even though he didn't think anybody was watching, I thought was very kind. You know, it was a very busy, crowded situation, but this famous person to this ordinary person in the crowd. And I thought, if I was in a position to speak,

[19:08]

and I could have that kind of compassion, that's what I would like to do. But I felt like I needed to be trained in order to be able to do that. I could do it a little bit, but I needed to be trained in order to actually be able to do it, even in a crowded, busy situation. And so I thought, well, maybe Zen meditation would be good. And I still think maybe it is. But Zen meditation, and now I speak of Zen meditation as how to relate to what's happening in such a way that you plunge into the creative process of afflicted states of consciousness. So some of us may never be on TV, may never speak. We may speak to people, but we may never speak to some of the people we'd like to speak to.

[20:12]

We may never get the ear of people who disagree with us. But we might. For example, you might go into a grocery store and where the people in the grocery store think it's really a good idea to drill holes in the land and put lots of chemicals in with the drilling equipment in order to get the natural gas. They don't particularly want to poison the land. They don't particularly want to cause the natural gas to go into the drinking water. That's not their point. They just want to get the natural gas. But they know that They might know that getting the natural gas is to pollute the drinking water, not just the drinking water, but the water, period, some of which you can drink. So they may know or they may not know, but let's say they do know, and they think, well, it's so important to get the natural gas, that I'm sorry, but...

[21:21]

the people who live around here are going to have explosive water coming out of their tap. And now there's movies you can see where people actually can light the water coming out of their tap in the places like, you know, Wyoming and so on, where there's a huge amount of natural gas, and where they have thousands and thousands of wells going into the land there, and the people who live there have explosive drinking water, plus they're also getting sick not so much from the natural gas. The natural gas makes their water explosive, but the chemicals that go through the land to do the drilling is making the people sick. And some people who are doing this drilling, and even the government officials who allow it, are saying, well, you know, I understand, but there's no kind of energy that's perfectly pure. Even the sun, you know, can give us skin cancer.

[22:29]

So then they said, so you know, got to let them do it. Who can say to them, can we stop? Could we reconsider this until we find a way to drill that doesn't make people sick? Who can say something so that people who disagree with them listen? Who can go into 7-11 and speak to the people in 7-11 who are Republicans or Democrats, who agree or disagree in such a way to protect beings and to get beings to study themselves? Well, I say the person who can do it is the person who studies delusion. Everybody can say something, but the person who has the most authority is the person who studies her delusion all the time very deeply.

[23:41]

There's a Zen dialogue which goes something like this. Who can untie the bell strings around the tiger's neck? You know, people put bell strings on their to protect the birds. I guess in ancient times some of the tigers had bell strings around their neck too. Who can untie the bell string? And the answer is the person who tied it. The bell string was put around the tiger's neck when the tiger was little, probably. So they go out in the forest, they find baby tigers and they put bell strings on them so when they grow up, so when they're little and they grow up, people know the tigers are coming. Here come the tigers. Let's be careful now. Here, I can hear. Those are tiger bells. the person who's going to be most likely able to untie them is the person who goes and ties bell-springs around tigers.

[24:52]

It still may be difficult. But maybe they put the bell-string around very kindly and the tiger says, you again. And this person says, actually I'm not going to take the bell-string off you, I'm just coming to say hi because I think it's good that you have it on. But I could take it off if it would be helpful. And the tiger might say, yeah, would you please take it off? This makes it harder for me to hunt. The person who can dismantle delusion and affliction is the person who's there at the origins of delusion and affliction. And maybe it's not even a person. Being, not even a person. It's a being who is immersed in the creative process. It's a being which is nothing other than the creative process. It's nothing in addition to the creative process. The way of being in the creative process without being a person, actually, or not a person, that being, that way of being,

[25:59]

The way of being is the being is the way that has the most authority to speak in the presence about what's most important for the welfare of all beings. This book, this treatise on Embracing the Great Vehicle teaches that the physical world that we live in, which has all these questionable ways of relating, all these ways which seem that are going on in the physical world, this book teaches that that physical world is our shared consciousness. The physical world is, according to this teaching, is consciousness. and consciousness can be transformed.

[27:02]

We know the physical world can be transformed, and we have some problems with some of the ways it's being transformed. We also know that our mind can be transformed, and we have problems with that too. But this book's talking about by working with your mind, with your delusions, of the delusions, the storehouse consciousness, which is the basis of all deluded states, that basis can be transformed and the deluded states can be transformed and the world can be transformed. It isn't just that we work on our own mind and we become transformed and liberated. The world simultaneously gets transformed and liberated. The physical world is entailed in us working on our own mind according to this teaching. It may not be that this meditation will, in the near future, stop abusive energy exploitation of the land and the sky and the waters.

[28:10]

It may not stop it. But it may bring peace even before it stops. And in peace, some of these abusive practices might stop. So I'm again saying the same thing over the night before last. talking to Tracy over in Berkeley, there's a slight difference between embracing delusion and studying delusion prior to entering into the creative process of delusion and studying delusion and embracing delusion in the creative process.

[29:17]

studying it prior to entering the creative process, there's still some sense of separation from the delusion. And the activity of embracing the delusion is still somewhat dualistic. To begin, the delusion has a positive evolutionary effect I say, has a positive evolutionary effect on this consciousness, which is the physical world. However, it does not by its liberation in this physical world. In order for there to be liberation within this consciousness, which means liberation from this consciousness, in this consciousness, and it means liberation from the physical world. It means liberation of the physical world without the physical world changing right now.

[30:26]

And again, once liberated in the physical world, we become the most effective agents in the physical world, once freed. we can then have authority about how to be in the physical world in a way that will be most peaceful and beneficial to all beings. So, if I'm now feeling dualistic, or thinking I'm separate from you, I can be kind to that sense of separation. If I'm now afraid of you, if I'm afflicted by being afraid of you, I can be kind to that fear. if I'm involved in gain and loss, if I can be kind to that involvement with gain and loss. And, you know, people are crying out about gain and loss, you know, economic gain and loss.

[31:30]

People are very uncomfortable with the situation. People are like going, oh no, we lost. Oh, we gained all that money. Oh, we lost all that money. Oh, we gained all that money. And it's very painful and scary. So how do we relate to it? How do we meet this with compassion? If we're compassionate to it, I think right away, actually, maybe we feel some benefit. and some positive transformation of the situation even though at that moment things are just the way they are. But if we continue to practice this way we enter into a deeper realm where we are actually free and more effective than before. And again, I often, I have this little, what do you call it, this little course, which I've told you about before, which has steps or seven.

[32:42]

So the first step is, you could say, commitment. Second step is relax or relaxation. Third step or play. Second is create or creation. Third is understanding or reali... not third. One, two, first. Creation is five. That's what you said. Commit, relax, play, create. Commit, relax is two, play is three, create is four, and understand or realization is Five. Six is liberate or liberation. Change the list since there's... Four. The first one was love. The first one's love is the same as commitment.

[33:46]

Commitment. Well, I didn't say what to commit to yet. Commit to love. The first one is commit. Commit to love. Not just love, but commit to love. Commit to compassion. Then you can relax. To relax without committing to compassion might not be a good idea. But once you're really committed to compassion, then the next step in that would be to relax with your commitment. Not relax your commitment like give it up or abandon it, but don't be tense about your commitment. This is a big important thing, great compassion for all beings. Now let's relax with that. Again, if you're committed to compassion, that still is good. that still transforms the world because it transforms the mind which is the world.

[34:53]

Compassion transforms the mind which is the world, not the world of suffering, is the mind, the storehouse consciousness. And if you commit to compassion, that transforms this mind. But you have not yet entered the creative process of understanding and liberation. And again, practicing compassion is one thing, and practicing compassion does transform the mind which is the world. It transforms the world which is the mind. But when you commit to love, when you commit to compassion, it transforms it more deeply. That's the first step. Okay? Did you have a question?

[35:57]

The difference between committing to compassion, can you say the difference again? Well, like, I might say... I would really, may I help you with, is there anything I can help you with today? And I might feel, you know, or you might tell me, I'm feeling terrible. And I might say, you know, I'm here. I'm here. Is there anything? And I might be really trying to be generous with you. And I might feel uncomfortable to see you suffering, but I might be practicing patience with that discomfort. And I might be practicing ethics. You know, like, Noticing if I'm thinking, let's see, how can I become famous? Woman. So I'm practicing compassion towards you. That's good. And that transforms the mind, which is the world. Okay? And then the next moment, you start doing something else, and I don't practice compassion.

[36:59]

And that's that. But if I am practicing compassion with you, like that example I gave before, and I commit to continue this with her, no matter what she brings to me, I commit to continue this practice. Then the next moment, if I don't practice compassion, I feel really bad, not good, because I said I would continue. Now I feel good being compassionate. Now I'm not being compassionate, but so what? I didn't say I would be. You would like us to not feel good. I would like you to not feel good whenever you're not compassionate. And if you commit to not being compassionate, if you commit to being compassionate, and then you don't follow through, you don't feel good. Bodhisattvas who are not practicing their vows do not feel good. But some people are not practicing good who a moment ago practiced good, and they feel fine not practicing good because they didn't practice good. If you promise to tell somebody the truth and you don't, you feel worse than if you didn't promise.

[38:12]

And they feel worse too. Because you said you would. Tell me your story. Tell me your story. Tell me your story. You promised that you would. So. If you just say, okay, I'd like to be kind to everybody, and then you relax, you might say, well, no. I'm relaxed with that wish. And actually, I don't want to do it anymore. That's the relaxation that is not going to promote plunging into creation. But I want to be good. I want to practice good. I want to give up harm. And I... then I can more likely be able to dare to relax in this world of affliction. If you're committed to being generous, if you're committed to being honest, you can more relax with what's happening.

[39:22]

And I propose it's necessary to relax with what's happening in order to be able to play with it. And it's necessary to be able to play with delusion. It's necessary to be able to play with delusion and ignorance in order to enter into the creative process that gives rise to ignorance and suffering. Ignorance, suffering. Ignorance, karma, suffering. Ignorance, karma, suffering. Ignorance, karma. In order to enter into the creation of that, we need to enter into the playfulness with it. Why? Could you say that why again? Well, if you see something, like if you see suffering, and you don't play with it, then you think it's the way it looks to you.

[40:30]

You think this is the suffering, and that's it. There's no room, there's no play in the situation. Well, like a child can say, you know, you're a frog. They know you're Tracy. They can say, you're a physics professor. Are you relaxed by the way? You're totally relaxed? Great. And can you play with being a physics professor? Yes. So what? What good is... I just don't get the point. If you can... You don't see the point of you playing, pretending to be a physics professor? You don't see the point of that? I also don't see the point of playing in your four pieces. You don't see the... You don't see the point of plays? I'm saying, because if you're not playful, you can't enter into creation.

[41:36]

and if the candidate to creation side creation which is where most people think they are they think there's me and creation is it that playfulness allows you to just not take yourself so seriously when you're being playful you're not taking yourself so seriously that's the easy part i mean that that's it you're saying something more than that What's the easy part? To not take yourself seriously? Most people have a hard time not taking themselves seriously. Most people do take themselves seriously. They take their suffering seriously. And they take the suffering of some other people seriously. Some people take the suffering of this person seriously and not the other person seriously enough. But let's talk about whether taking it seriously. Then they need to be relaxed with it. It isn't that suffering shouldn't be taken seriously.

[42:39]

To take it so seriously that you tense up, then you're separate from it. And if you're separate from it, you're separate from the creative process of it. And if you're separate from the creative process of it, you're separated from understanding it. I just don't know what you mean when you say separate from the creative process of it. What does that mean? Well, like you think that the things over there are separate from you creating it and you creating you. You think it substantially exists separately rather than you're in this process together and you can't get a hold of yourself or the other thing. It's like two people dancing, right? The dance isn't one dancer or the other dancer. It's something that happens between them, and they don't need to want to make it happen, but it doesn't happen without them. And the dance isn't what they think it is, although they do think that it's a dance. But some people are dancing, and they don't think they're dancing. And other people think they're dancing, but they're not.

[43:42]

But regardless of what you think, the dance is not what you think. But you thinking whatever you're thinking, you could think lots of different things. You could think, well, actually, I'm on the make with this person. I'm trying to impress this person. The thought of a dance, you're doing this dance, but you're actually thinking you're doing something else. But there's a dance there. There's always a dance. But it's never what we think it is. But whatever we're thinking is part of the dance. So a person is thinking this, and a person is thinking that. Their thinking is part of what's going on. If they're thinking something else, it would be a different dance. But it's not what they think. Pardon? Yeah, I think that's right. There's a word. There's a Sanskrit word, cha-cha. Anyway, people often feel like, I'm here, they're there, they're suffering, or I'm suffering, I wish they would help me.

[44:59]

And they are not plunged into the creative process by which this sense of me and her are arising. The creative process by which me and her is arising is the active consciousness that we're separate, supported by this unconscious mind, which is the world. which is the result of many, many uncountable moments of feeling separate, which support us to feel separate now or to see separateness now. And then based on that separateness, that belief in separateness is affliction, is pain. Based on that we act and then we create more minds which support the rising of more afflicted states. We're not talking about stopping that process right now, we're talking about transforming the basis of it. Transforming the basis is by doing wholesome things, they transform it, and as they transform it more and more, then you get to a place where you can hear about making a commitment to this wholesome activity.

[46:17]

And based on the commitment to this, based on doing wholesome activity, Based on doing wholesome activity, based on doing wholesome activity, you come to a place where you can commit to wholesome activity. Realistically. With witnesses, in a community, with somebody who means something to you. Realize you can make a difference to people, and then you can make this commitment. Then you're getting ready to be able to dive into the process of reality. which starts with relaxing with the situation and then entering into play means, again, means there's some play in the situation which means that you're willing to at least temporarily pretend to be the other gender. Or you're willing to play being open to what the other gender thinks of your gender or what the other gender thinks of your view of the other gender. and you're willing to accept what they think about you, and to hear that they think that you're really off base.

[47:28]

And to do that in a playful way. If they say, you know, you really don't understand, not to grasp that as, yes, that's the way it is, I don't understand, but also give let go of, I do understand, but don't rigidly hold, I don't understand. And if they come and say, well, you do understand, then say, okay, I do understand, and take a hold of that, but lightly. And then you start to enter into the creation. And then from there, you start to understand that delusion is not reality. And reality is not delusion. And again, when you understand that, you don't hold to that. You're playful with that. So you enter into the creative process of your understanding. And then you become free of this world of affliction. And from that place, you are liberated and you can liberate. Yes?

[48:29]

I'm just thinking about this. There's a place I got stuck in. Maybe you can help me. I feel like I'm in a sand trap. Ah, she's in a sand trap. You're going to play in a sand trap? Can I describe the sand trap first? Yeah. What color is the sand? It's white sand? It's a dusty sand trap. Water it down before you start playing in it? Actually, I think that's good that they don't spend too much water on this golf course. Yes? That makes you want to weep? Yeah. You know how to play with the weeping?

[49:49]

You know how to play with weeping and discouragement? Well, now we're in one of those situations again where he's going to say the same thing again. So here we go. What's he going to say? He's going to say, commit to compassion. You know, start all over, even though you already commit compassion. Start over. I commit again to great compassion. Great compassion means I now commit to being kind to this weeping and kind to this discouragement. Discouragement and discouragement of this world, welcome. This is the discouragement today. I welcome today's discouragement to come and dump discouragement right here. This is a discouragement dumping area. And I am committed to embrace this discouragement and embrace these tears with great compassion, which means generosity,

[50:58]

Very careful, because you've got to be careful of discouragement. If you're not careful with it, you can, you know, you can not only be a sand trap, but you can hit yourself with the wedge. You know, pull the wedge out of the golf bag and hit yourself in the head with it if you're not careful. So, here we are in the sand trap of, we're stuck in this sand trap of discouragement and fear and tears And we are bodhisattva in the sand trap. We're going to practice compassion with this sand trap. And we're committed to it. And now it's time to start playing. Oh, there's a golf bag here. And there's a golf bag over there. And I have a feeling that person thinks they own that one and I own this one. I'm going to actually say, can I play with your clubs today? I'm not taking so seriously for me getting my ball out of this. I'm concerned with playing, not winning.

[52:04]

And so maybe I'll just have this. I've got such a strange idea that I would actually borrow somebody else's clubs. But use your own clubs. Say, well, why don't we just trade clubs for a while? I mean, I know I have clubs, but I was just thinking maybe we could trade. You might wake up and say, that's really an interesting idea. I'm calling the police. Are you willing to go to jail in order to liberate all beings? Well, I'm already in jail, so of course I'm willing to go to jail to liberate all beings. I entered this sand trap to liberate all beings. That's what I'm here for. I'm in hell. I'm in sand trap, discouragement, hell. I got here to help all beings. Now I'm here and I'm going to practice compassion here and also going to ask people if I can trade compassion tools with them. Can I have your patience for a while?

[53:08]

Thank you. You've got to give me my patience. And then keep playing until we feel like, whoa, whoa, I don't even know what's going on now. This is what it starts to seem like when you're actually in creation. You don't know who's doing what anymore. And so again, you have to keep practicing compassion and be generous towards the fear that might arise before. Now I don't even know what discouragement is anymore. So now I'm afraid. Discouragement was bad, but at least I had discouragement. Now I don't even know what discouragement is or who's discouraged. I'm really scared. I don't even have any possessions anymore. I used to at least have something. I used to have some tears and a body. Golf clubs and discouragement. But now I don't even have that. I'm getting scared. You have to keep practicing compassion when you get scared when you're starting to be successful. successful in compassion, and now, because of being successful in compassion, you're starting to be a little successful in wisdom.

[54:19]

As you start to be successful in wisdom, you meet some things you haven't been seeing for a while, or you've been pushing away, like, for example, the ungraspable nature of our relationships. The fact that who you're looking at, you don't know who it is, actually. You don't know what you're looking at. You don't know what you're looking at. You don't know if you're looking at yourself or somebody else or neither or both. And actually you think none of those categories actually work. Those four categories don't work. Who you're looking at is not you, and it's not you, and it's not both you and not you, and it's neither you nor not you. None of that. You can't get... And that can be pretty scary. So you have to keep practicing compassion in order to stay in the creative process. And the longer you stay there, the more you understand. And the more you understand, the more liberation. Now, has the world been completely healed at that time? No. I mean, in a sense, it has been liberated, and in our sense, a lot of people don't get it yet, so I have something to say.

[55:29]

And so you speak from there. You express the fruit of liberation and wisdom, the fruit of compassion, and entering into the creative process of delusion, which is Buddhahood. You express it. Yes. Yes, but before you propose it, could I say something? It's important. He noticed that he had an idea of what would be beneficial. Okay? So now we're going to hear an idea of what's beneficial. He's going to propose this idea. Yes? a Facebook account or a Twitter account, and you could make comments on the news, this perspective you've been developing over your lifetime.

[56:31]

I think that would be beneficial for me and for others in this interesting time here. Twitter in times. Twitter in times. Twitter in times. I hear you. And yes, this is an example. He's saying something to me, and I'm committed to embrace him. And part of compassion is to welcome the idea, and then another part of compassion is to be careful of this idea and be careful of my response. to be vigilant, you know, that I'm being honest about what, you know, with perhaps a little or at least a little discomfort about whether I'm gonna start twittering and face looking or not. Okay? So, honestly, I feel at this point that the step has been taken

[57:42]

that these words that are coming out of my mouth now will go on the Internet. So that's happening. And at first I thought, this is really weird that people are listening to me through a computer. So I've been trying this for a while and it seems to be going well. Nobody's saying, would you please stop making yourself such that people can hear you on the Internet. So I've been doing that for a while. It seems to be all right. However, I am not looking at you right now, I'm looking at you. And I'm able to feel like, yeah, I'm willing to be compassionate to this person who's making this suggestion, and I hope I can be compassionate to this person who makes other suggestions, which might be even more, you know, But I'm not talking to a computer right now.

[58:44]

And I find that when I start looking at computers, I don't necessarily feel like I have trouble actually embracing the computer with compassion. It's harder for me. I feel that I'm embracing living beings and also embracing my own state with compassion. And I'm entering a creative process with this computer there and this Twitter equipment. Then I would do it. But it's going to be, that would be quite a stretch. It would be a new dance for me to learn. And I'm willing to try, but basically people want to have various communications with me in ways other than what's happening right now. What's happening right now is face-to-face. And this can be recorded and people can listen to us. People will probably be listening to us have this conversation, but I don't have to stop being face-to-face with people for them to hear me say this.

[59:49]

But for me to go away from people and do this with a computer, I'm not sure yet that that would be authentic in my evolution. But I hear you. And that's my question. Because I feel like, again, I didn't quite finish what I was saying. People ask me if they can keep from around the world, like I'm not yet doing Skype with people. Some people are and I say, okay, but for me, I just feel like it's hard for me to do this thing. I've tried to do it a little bit. I just feel funny about it. I don't feel comfortable. I'm not sure it's beneficial. So I say to people, I'm sorry, but I'm kind of a face-to-face person. But I appreciate that you're saying this and now the world can hear that you've asked me and the world can hear that I'm dealing with that request and enter that realm.

[61:03]

Partly because it's also partly, just to give another example, about maybe 10 years ago, approximately, maybe even 15, I retired from doing weddings. And part of the reason I retired from it was because I felt like other people are, many other priests are able to do that at Zen Center now. some even want to, you know, want to start or want to continue. And I feel like other people can take care of that. But there's certain things which I feel like if somebody asked me to do, not too many other people can do it. Like, for example, funeral. I still do funerals. And I haven't retired from that because I feel like on that, not so many people can do that.

[62:06]

And also, nobody gets divorced after their funeral. So, everybody's totally committed. It never goes against that commitment. of the funeral. So I've retired from that in order to work on things which other people aren't doing, like this text. As far as I know, nobody else, it may be that nobody else on the planet right now, I mean in terms of like studying with a Sangha, some scholars are working on this text. But I don't know if anybody else is discussing this with people. It's something which is not going to be a bestseller, this book. People read this and I think very quickly would quit without a lot of encouragement from somebody like me.

[63:11]

So I look at what are the things which I can do that nobody else can do, and I can... So maybe other people, it's more like their generation or their phase of evolution in their practice that the Twitter and Facebook thing would be, that they could do it. In some sense, for me. You could do it for me. You know, you can even say, can I do something for you on Facebook? And you could tell me what it was. I'd say, yeah. So in some sense, the people who are using these, if they're working with me face-to-face in some sense, I'm responsible that they're doing that, and they're responsible that I'm doing what I'm doing. And that is conveyed through their Internet life.

[64:14]

But I'm not closing the door on what you're requesting. I'm telling you a little bit about how I kind of come to a conclusion about where I'm putting my attention. I'm mostly putting it in face-to-face. The Twitter stuff will go on potentially. The Twitter and Facebook stuff can go on more than that. Yeah, but the space is only around a little bit longer. So I kind of want to do this physical thing as long as there's this physicality. And part of me doesn't want because it's so embarrassing to have a body. I kind of would like to die tomorrow. Why it isn't before it gets really embarrassing. But part of me feels like, no, I should just keep offering this more and more embarrassing situation.

[65:18]

For you to watch how I can't remember what I, at the beginning of a sentence or something, to watch my speech become more and more slurred, to watch the saliva drip down my cheeks, to watch me going blind and not being able to hear. for you to see how embarrassing physical degeneration might be a more, you know, a special gift that I can give, because this, you know, but on internet, this physical embarrassment isn't really, you know, if I can't finish the sentence, it's like, not that big a deal. I can't even remember to press the send button, so nobody knows. Can't find the send. Can't even get on the Internet. But even if I'm not on the Internet, if you see my deteriorating body and how I deal with it,

[66:19]

So when I watched Suzuki Roshi die, you know, I've often said this, I was sitting there one day and he, it was in the Dharma Hall, in the Buddha Hall at City Center, and he looked at me, and probably other people may have felt like they were looking at them, and said, things teach best when they're dying. And I thought, why is he saying that? And this is just nine months before he died, he knew he had cancer and hadn't told us. But that really drilled into me that he was dying. Things teach best from their dying. And when he said that, that really taught me really well because he was dying. So now I'm dying. And so my dying, the dying part of me is really teaching well. And I just don't know how that comes over on Facebook. We'll see. But I must admit, it is a little embarrassing when I'm speaking and I have to really work to get the K there at the end of the speak.

[67:34]

Speaking. It's like a big effort to pronounce words. If I don't make a pretty big effort, then the words kind of fall off the edge of the tongue and I hear this slushy sound. It's kind of embarrassing. Yes? You say you say the same thing. I feel like I asked the same question, so I'm going to ask a question I think I keep asking. But newly, right now, with you, okay? Let's do it, okay? Yeah. So I had dinner last night with... I was kind of very into Tibetan, quite a serious practitioner. Yes. And she was . Yeah, I had dinner with a friend last night who's a very serious Tibetan practitioner. She kind of sought me out, and she was very excited that her passion for the world was now at the level of anger.

[68:42]

So she thought it was a very encouraging thing that she's so committed to the area, her area was food justice, that... Food? Food justice, yeah. And she's really passionate and informed, and she was excited that... People like drinking out of bottles in grocery stores and she was practically grabbing the bottles away from them. Yes. And I saw for her it felt like No, there's no question. Kind of as a Zen practitioner, I think what you said the night before, starting with love and then these, you know, the four steps. And I was thinking, you know, she's not starting with love right there, it doesn't seem. She's starting with anger. And then I think, okay, well, maybe my job now is to have a loving response to her anger. Maybe that's the most helpful thing I can do. Watch the word most.

[69:44]

Just drop the word most and change it to maybe that would be helpful. And I would say yes, maybe it would. Okay, continue. What I was questioning is is my commitment to having the or to saving all sentient beings it felt like I got confused, because on one hand, I think, you know, like you were saying, maybe more people should be grabbing bottles away and not letting bombers go up in the air. But then I'm thinking, but the Zen path says, what it is, just be loving. The Zen path is definitely, definitely absolute. One thing is absolute, and that is be loving. That's absolute. Buddha is absolutely loving, no exceptions. That's absolute. Absolute in the sense of that his complete, utter commitment of the Buddha is to love all beings, but without attachment.

[70:53]

That's why we need the playfulness and so on. And your friend who is happy to be angry now about this stuff to some extent, you say, well, shouldn't she start with love? But maybe she already did start with love. Maybe she already did commit to the welfare of all beings. That's her basic commitment. And now she's happy she's got anger. But when you're having this... You know, caffeine is not all bad. Caffeine is not absolutely bad. Nor is anger. Is that what you're saying? Nor is anger. As you may have heard, people who are committed to the welfare of others, a lot of those people say that self-righteousness and anger are the sugar and caffeine of welfare work. Some people, you know, are committed to the welfare of beings and they get up and

[72:01]

you know, exercise that commitment. And they feel good to exercise that commitment. But it is like caffeine, and it's got drawbacks. So, you know, if somebody needs your help, and you say, I'd like to help them, and I'm committed to help, but I'm too tired. If anger would help you get up and help them, maybe it's to go gay. But then you're going to have an energy dip after that. So it's better to do it without the anger. But if you want to help people and you won't do it if you're not angry, well, maybe being angry... I know some great yogis who drink coffee in order to do their yoga. Can anger be intentional so we won't have to jerk up? Yeah, you might even learn that. You say, okay, I want to help people.

[73:04]

I have to get angry again. I'm too tired now to go and do this thing for people. But I'm going to think about how terrible it would be to not do it. I'm going to get angry because I think if I get angry, I'll get up and work. Some people do that. They're all bad. But The point is that at this level of working, I think we haven't yet hit the pay dirt of creation. When you get into the realm of creation, you don't need caffeine anymore. You don't need sugar. All you need is rice. You do need some rice, otherwise you're going to... You do need some rice or you do need some carbohydrates. Not right away because you can use your body. Your body can break down. But you don't need those things because you have the fabulous energy of our relationship with each other. Then you're cooking.

[74:08]

You don't need to get yourself rolling. But sometimes in order to get yourself rolling... You have to say, okay, now, okay, I'm going to practice. I'm committed to compassion. And then you start doing this compassion work, and you think, well, maybe I'll go and take these bottles away from people. But again, how can I? This has got me going now. I'm about to take the bottle away. Now, again, I start practicing compassion. Maybe I'll say, may I have that bottle? Could you donate that bottle to me? I'd like to talk to you about that. you come back to generosity. So you're committed to generosity, but sometimes you get tired to get angry about generosity in order to go to practice generosity. And then after you're practicing, you can drop the anger and just do these compassion practices. It's not all bad to get angry. It's just, it can be temporarily expedient. We shouldn't be rigid about no anger.

[75:13]

The Buddha was very emphatic about anger, but he wasn't rigid. If you're into hatred, you're not my disciple. My disciples are not into ill will. He was emphatic, but he wasn't rigid about it. He was very creative and wonderful. He loved beings who were into hate. He loved them. And he loved being compassionate. He loved them both. But he said, those who are into ill will are not my disciples, and those who are into compassion are. I love you, but you're not my disciple when you're into ill will. And you can be angry with no ill will. You can just be, I hate it. Do good. But then you're all tired out from that. I mean, at least you said, I want to do good, but then you pooped out from that excessive energy displacement. So it's better maybe to say, just to say, I am not good.

[76:22]

Okay, now I'm going to be good. Again, I told you this story. When I was 12 years old, I was really enjoying being bad because that made me very popular. I was like one of the leaders in my school at being bad. Some things which none of the other boys and girls dared to do. I got to go to jail when I was 12 years old. And none of the other kids in my school had ever... I lived in an upper middle class neighborhood. None of the other kids had ever been to jail. I had went to jail. I took a car from a gas station. Twelve-year-old. Of course, I didn't have a driver's license and I didn't know how to drive. So, the car got crashed up. And then the police captured the driver. It was not classified as grand theft auto.

[77:26]

It was classified as taking the car without the owner's permission. So I went to jail, and when I went to a dance the night after I got out of jail, it was like a ticker tape parade. It was like, well, here he comes, you know. And in my apartment building where I lived, there was a big man who loved me. I was a big boy. I'm not very big now, but I was a precocious 12-year-old. I was like 5'6", and weighed about 150 pounds at 12. But there was a man in my apartment building who loved me, and he was 6'4", and he weighed 240. And he loved me and he was 1946 National Heavyweight Golden Glove Champion. He said to me, you know, it's easy to be bad. What's hard is to be good.

[78:29]

And I thought, okay, I'll try to be good. But that's, you know, If that's hard, I'll do the hard thing. It's been hard. It is hard. It's easy to be bad, actually. But it is hard to be good, and sometimes, if you're committed to be good, sometimes you have to get angry in order to get yourself going. It's okay. But it's better to sort of say, it's better to stop and go. It's hard to be bad. It's easy to be bad, and it's hard to be good, and It would really be good to be good, and I really want to be good, and I really do want to be good. In that way, work yourself into a frenzy of energy to do good. But the shortcut is just get angry and self-righteous and boom! But to work yourself up by contemplating how good it is to practice compassion until you feel more and more, yes, it would really be good and I would like to be good even when everybody's cruel to me and even when everybody's polluting and throwing these plastic bottles and making huge piles and making a lot of money on pollution.

[79:44]

I want to practice compassion. That would really be good then if I could be compassionate in such a terrible situation. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Wonderful, wonderful thing if I could be compassionate. When things are really, really bad, when people are really, really rude and attacking me, I would like to come back with, treat them just like somebody who is praising me. And I would also like to treat people who are praising me just like people who are attacking me. That's what I want to learn. Stories of people who related to attack and praise the same way, those were another thing that led me to Zen. I wanted to learn how to do that. That's what we're talking about here. But still, a little bit of anger, if it helps us do that, it's okay. Yeah? I was thinking about

[80:44]

Often when we talk about anger, we are not thinking about something necessarily positive, maybe more negative or violent. But the idea of play and anger, so that you see a lot when kids are playing. They're playing. And when we get so serious about our anger, that all thought of playing with whatever we're angry about seems to disappear. But just to think, you just sort of do that. Pardon? You just now just sort of did it. Yeah, right, exactly. So when there's anger, I'm not using anger to do good, but when there is anger, then we should be compassionate to the anger and play with the anger and be creative with the anger. Anger is a perfectly good opportunity for compassion and creativity and wisdom. So no matter what, absolutely we should be compassionate including ill-will. The Buddha was compassionate to ill-will, and the way he was compassionate was, he said, this is not my disciples, they don't do this.

[81:50]

But that was his playfulness. He was playful with them. He wasn't rigid. He said, you know, you're not my disciple, but I love you and I'm going to teach you that you're not my disciple. I'm going to teach you how to be my disciple. But right now, you don't seem to want to be. You want to be not my disciple. And you succeeded. You're not. But I'm your friend, and if you would accept that, then you would be my disciple. If you would accept my love, if you accept my love, you're not going to have it. There's going to be no ill will there if you would accept this love. And some people said, no thanks, Buddha, I don't want it. And in the next minute, they did. They were ready. So yeah, but again, we have to be committed, I think, in order to be playful with violence. Otherwise it doesn't lead into the creative process where we're not separate from the people in a violent way, in a liberating way.

[83:01]

Yes? Could you please, I don't know the word, teach me, initiate me, help me into embracing. As much as I say I do like to embrace or I do embrace others, I do embrace the teaching, but truly down deep, I feel I don't. Because if I was doing it, I would be a total different being than who I am today. Yeah. Well, I would say, commit to being compassionate to this person who is the person she wants to be. You're not quite the person you want to be. If you tell me that, then I want to be compassionate to you, who's not yet the person she wants to be. I want to be patient with you, who's not the person she wants to be. I want to be generous towards you, who's not the person she wants to be. I want to be careful with you who is not the person she wants to be.

[84:07]

And I want to commit to that. And then I want to play with the person who tells me she's not the person she wants to be. And if I was looking at myself, I would do this. So now I'm playing with you to tell you to do the same thing with yourself that I want to do with you. And although I want to do that, I might occasionally lose track of that. and not really accept that you're not the person you want to be, and say, why don't you be? You told me who you want to be, and you're not doing it. And I could even do that, perhaps, in a loving way. And I'm really generous towards you, and I really appreciate you, and I'm really being careful, and I could talk to you that way. But in my heart, maybe, I really, really am not feeling nasty towards you. And I really, really... than you and I really really am calm with you and I really really am not nasty with you and I'm really really gentle with you being a person who I know you don't want to be or being the person who is not yet who she wants to be I'm patient with you not yet realize what all the things you'd like to realize and I'm patient with myself

[85:25]

being not yet fully realizing who I want to be. So I wanted to be this person who, when insulted and when praised, basically responds to both the same way, kindly and the same way. I wanted to learn that. I've learned it a little bit in these 40-some years, and I'm happy that I learned it a little bit. I'm glad that I learned a little bit, and I'm patient with that I haven't learned it a lot. or completely. I'm patient with it. I'm not always that way. And when I'm not that way, then I sometimes, when I see it, I'm coming up short. I sometimes notice it. I'm honest about it. I'm patient with it. And I'm generous towards it sometimes. And that's what I came to learn. And sometimes I practice what I came to learn. Then I do the same thing I just said again. That's my vow.

[86:27]

So noticing that we're coming short on what we wish to be is part of the practice that I want to learn. Because we're always kind of short until there's complete Buddhahood. So you do this practice of noticing that we're not quite there until and actually beyond Buddhahood. So none of us really have to... If you understand that we're all heading towards Buddhahood, all of us are not quite who... All of us have not quite realized who and what we really are, who and what we really want to be. All of us. I don't know, somehow, in some part of me, I do feel... Buddha who the Buddha is, and there's nothing more or less or which or not which. Then I keep being that I see that I am that, and then I'm not. Then I keep... Yeah, right.

[87:27]

You keep saying that, but without a certain kind of practice, it seems like we're not. Even though that's the way it is, without a certain kind of practice, it seems like it's not. And so when we slip, we slip in the realization. And it takes a long time to never slip in the realization. And when we do slip into realization, we have a realization in a sense because we... is realization. When realization meets lack of realization, realization practices with it in a certain way. When realization meets a lack of realization, then realization practices with the lack of realization in a certain way. It practices compassion towards the lack of realization. That's... in the case of lack of realization. And there's all kinds of ways to work with that, but this is a very well-established principle of the Buddhadharma, is that enlightenment meets lack of enlightenment with compassion.

[88:38]

well established, lack of enlightenment meets lack of enlightenment meets lack of enlightenment with cruelty and punishment and impatience and non-generousness and you know, blah blah blah, I'm better than Eunice. But Buddha's wisdom and Buddha's enlightenment meets all these shortcomings with compassion and it plays with these lacks it enters into creation with them, and then when it offers its gift of compassion, the compassion comes with authority. It isn't just compassion, it's a compassion which understands that what it's compassionate towards is not separate from itself. And this is the most effective compassion. So we need compassion, we need to join it with wisdom in order for the compassion to be fully sweet. nourishing, and fully startling, and awakening.

[89:48]

So, thank you very much for letting me say the same thing again. May our intention equally extend to every being and place.

[90:08]

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