Again, I would like to begin by offering you the suggestion that the content of Buddha ancestors' sitting meditation is dependent origination. That's what they are contemplating. they consider dependent core arising in their meditation practice. And they think about it. And they think about it, they learn to think about it correctly. And of course they think about it compassionately. So they compassionately consider dependent core arising. They compassionately consider whatever's coming to them as the pinnacle arising and they consider it as the pinnacle arising.

[01:19]

They realize the ultimate truth. realizing the clear vision of dependent core arising. And this vision of dependent core arising realizes the insubstantiality of all things and refutes all kinds of substantialistic views. like of eternal independent self, of a person, of things, or of the universe. I wrote down here on a piece of paper that all Buddhas have deep faith in cause and effect, have deep faith in karmic cause and effect.

[02:26]

have deep faith in the cause and effect of action. But some might say, no, they don't have deep faith in realization, deep understanding, deep clarity about cause and effect. But in a way, the Buddhas do have faith, it's just that their faith is the same as their realization. Their faith is that they pay attention to the law of dependent glory rising, they pay attention to it, they're devoted to it, and they realize it. So now I think I'll just tell a story about a Zen koan.

[03:32]

It's Case 37 of the Book of Serenity. The name of the case is Karmic Consciousness. And it goes like this. The monk called the Master Guishan, asked his disciple Yangshan. Yangshan was called, in China they called him Little Shakyamuni. So the teacher asks his disciple, asks about, quotes, all sentient beings just have karmic consciousness, boundless, unclear, with no fundamental to rely on.

[04:39]

How would you prove that in experience? And Yangshan said, if somebody comes, if a monk comes, I would say, hey you. If he turns his head, I would say, what is it? If he hesitates, I would say, not only do all sentient beings just have karmic consciousness, but they don't have any fundamental to rely on either. And Guishan said, good. That's a good proof. Proof of what? That this sentient being just has karmic consciousness.

[05:43]

I thought, when he said, what is it? You know, what's happening? What's yourself? What's the truth? Hey you, what's the Dharma? What's the Buddha? If the monk hesitates, he's demonstrating karmic consciousness. When he was first called, he didn't hesitate. And karmic consciousness was not proved. But when the teacher says, what is it? And he hesitated, there's karmic consciousness. But you don't have to hesitate. When somebody says, what is it? You can just say, karmic consciousness. you can say, the pentachord rising.

[06:58]

You don't have to hesitate. When you don't hesitate, karmic consciousness isn't proved, but it isn't proved because you acknowledge it. You prove it. It's proved on you. here abreast of the times, of the karmic times. So this case is saying all you've got to work with is karmic cause and effect. Then in the commentary they raise another conversation. between another teacher named Yangon and a monk.

[08:07]

The monk says to Yangon, in the Avatamsaka Sutra it says that the fundamental affliction of ignorance is itself the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas. What is the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas? The fundamental affliction of ignorance. What does the Buddhas know about? They know about ignorance. Depending on ignorance, karmic formations arise. What is the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas? Karmic consciousness. That's what they know about. They don't have enlightenment floating away from clarifying karmic consciousness.

[09:09]

They don't go beyond clarifying karmic consciousness. Their knowledge is about something quite familiar to us, the fundamental affliction If you've got that, that's what Buddhas know about. So if you know about it, you are entering the Buddha way. So, the monk quotes this, and before I had a chance to comment, I wasn't there at the time to comment. He went on to say, this statement seems really difficult and abstruse in the extreme. And the teacher says, I don't think so. He says, watch this. There's a boy sweeping the ground nearby.

[10:10]

He said, hey you. The boy turned his head. And the teacher said, What's Buddha? The monk hesitated and stumbled off in bewilderment. And then after he went away, the teacher says, I'll tell the story a different way. He says to the boy, hey you, the boy, and he says to the monk, Isn't that the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas?" And then the monk hesitates, the boy hesitates, and he says, Isn't that the fundamental affliction of ignorance? If you say, hey you to a Buddha, they respond with no hesitation.

[11:19]

If you say, what is it? They respond with no hesitation. If you say, hey you to a Buddha, they see karmic consciousness. If you say, what is it? They see karmic consciousness. When they see karmic consciousness, they say, Welcome, sweetheart. No matter how it comes, they welcome it. They compassionately, unconceited, welcome it, clarify it, and realize the insubstantiality and transmit the Dharma. When we hesitate, what do we have? We're hesitating of saying, thank you for the meditation assignment, universe.

[12:25]

We're saying, I don't welcome this. This person should look different. This husband should act differently. This child, this parent, they're not quite right. We're hesitating. We're not being compassionate. We missed the chance. And that proves which is all we've got. So since it's all we've got, let's be friends. Karmic consciousness is coming every moment. Karmic cause and effect is being delivered to you moment by moment, never missing a beat. But it's hard for us to not miss a beat. Maybe our faith is not deep enough to welcome every single dependable arising and realize our job.

[13:40]

Compassionately consider it in order to carry on the Buddha's work. If we hesitate, that's another dependent core arising, that's another consciousness which has just been proved as karmic consciousness, so then we can recover. If you hesitate, the teacher is there to welcome your hesitation as karmic consciousness. If you don't hesitate, the teacher is there to welcome your hesitation as karmic consciousness. Now, very fortunately, people are coming to talk to me about dependent core arising.

[14:47]

They're coming to talk to me about problems they have with themselves and others. And they're wondering how to contemplate this as dependent core arising. How are our problems, problems of karmic cause and effect? And I'm not so much concerned with showing them how that's so, but rather how to deal with these things which are so, in such a way that you will see that they're so. It's already the fact that what's being given to you is a dependent core arising and is karmic consciousness. What we mainly have to work on is how to receive it and be kind to it. And another aspect of receiving dependent co-arising moment by moment in a way to antidote

[15:58]

being sure, you know, I have this story about this person and I approve of this story. I have a story about you, that you're an excellent student, and I approve of my story about you. My approval, my self-approval of my story about you is conceded. The story isn't conceited. Even if it's a story of my own conceit, it's not conceited. If it's a story about your conceit, it's not the story itself so much. It's my apprehending of it that's the conceit. It's my approving of it. So again, all we have is karmic consciousness. All we have is karmic cause and effect. All we have is storytelling consciousness. That's all we've got. The storytelling consciousness is boundless and unclear.

[17:07]

But studying the story will bring clarity, will realize the emptiness of the story, the emptiness of the reality of the karmic cause and effect. Studying it properly Studying it without approval or disapproval. Dispending approval and disapproval. I'll approve this maybe later. I'll disapprove of what you said maybe later. I might say no now, but I don't really mean I'm disapproving you. I'm just giving you a gift called no. Approve you. No, I'm not going to disapprove you. I give you that gift. And so now I'm with you, wondering what karmic consciousness is.

[18:11]

So we see a story about what's going on. For example, many of us have a story about the Sashin. We have different stories about the Sashin, but each of us has our story about the Sashin today, yesterday, and so on. This is karmic consciousness. My story about this Sashin is karmic consciousness. This is what Buddhists study. When they're in Sashin, they have a story of Sashin, they study the story of Sashin. But also they hear the teaching of their disciple Dogen, who says, when the teaching fills your body and mind, something's missing. When the teaching of how to study dependent core arising, when the teaching that it's important to study what's happening fills your body and mind, you realize something's missing in what you see.

[19:18]

When it doesn't fill your body and mind, you say, approved. I approve this story. This is true. And that's not true. And this is true, and that's not true. And I approve of these stories. And I approve of the story that it's true. It does not fill you. And the Dharma does not fill me. Even if I'm studying the right topic, karmic cause and effect, still, I'm not really being thorough if I'm In my study, if I think this is sufficient. So we have the image of when you go out in the ocean, away from the shore, where there's no islands, you look around and you think the ocean's round. But the ocean is not round. When you go out in the middle of karmic consciousness, you think this is the way things are.

[20:27]

but they're not that way. That's just the way they look to you. It doesn't mean you should put down the circle. Just don't take it as the ocean. That's all. In other words, don't be proud of your mind's construction of the world. Don't be proud of your understanding of dependent core ising. When you're looking at something, you're looking at a dependent core rising, don't try to control it. I should say, give up trying to control it. If you keep trying to control it, it will be hard for you to clarify it. Stories which are kind of like calling out and saying, please control me, or somebody else is saying to you, control your story. Get your story under control.

[21:30]

This is like This story is out of control. If you don't get this story in control, we're going to like punish you. It's difficult. Now I hear this person saying that, can I like not control that story? Can I welcome it? Can I be calm with it? Can I be honest about it? I'm scared now that you tell me I have to get my story under control. I'm scared. I remember it says to be gentle, upright, flexible, and honest. So be honest. There's the story and I am trying to control it. I am upset about it. I don't want it. Okay, fine. then be kind to that.

[22:35]

Are you approving the story? Can you notice? First of all, we're always telling stories, but first of all we have to notice, oh, I'm telling a story. A story is being told here. Now you're tuned in to what Buddhas are tuned in to. And also, am I? I am. I confess that I approve it. And I now would like to let go of my approval. I think I've let go of my approval. I think I'm welcoming this story. I think I'm calm with this story. Okay, now I think I'm kind of in the right mode of studying karma, cause and effect. Here comes the next moment. Someone said to me, honestly, I'm not ready to think in Zazen. I don't know what I said at that time, but I basically thought, fine, you do not have to think in Zazen.

[23:50]

It is fine. to give up thinking and give up discursive thinking, give up thought thinking and calm down. It's fine. Don't confuse that with enlightenment. And there is Apparently, lots of stories have appeared in the history of Zen about people who think that thinking is suppressed down to somewhere in the neighborhood of zero, and you're calm and full of light and positive sensation, but that's enlightenment. But I suggest that that is not so.

[25:02]

Enlightenment is to be clear about cause and effect. When the Buddha was enlightened it didn't say he sat there with thought suppressed in bliss. It said he He enjoyed the bliss of freedom, and yes, he did that, and he contemplated, he thought about dependent co-arising. And it never says that he stopped. And there's not much since he kept talking about it to people for the next 50 years. No, 45 years. So he kept thinking about it from the time of the awakening for the rest of his life he thought about and talked about dependent core arising. In other words, while he was talking he knew he was talking about dependent core arising of karmic consciousness

[26:08]

In the midst of karmic consciousness, he was contemplating karmic consciousness and teaching it to people who have karmic consciousness so they can look at their own and become Buddha, become free. Of what? What are we becoming free of? Karmic consciousness. It's our problem, our only problem. It's our only problem. It is the problem of Buddhism, karmic consciousness. Not only is it our problem, but we don't have anything else but a problem. But to be kind to it and take care of it all the time requires quite a bit of encouragement. I'm happy to join the, what do you call it, the cheerleading squad I'm happy to join the cheering, the rooting for us to solve the problem of karmic consciousness, which is what causes bondage and misery in this tradition.

[27:27]

That's the teaching. Even outside this tradition, although it's not the teaching, it's the fact. So we're like, let's open the problem. Let's be kind to the problem. Let's be so kind to the problem that we open to the ultimate truth of the problem, namely that it's not substantial. We can be enlightened within karmic consciousness. and within the karmic consciousness of this body and the karmic consciousness of the innumerable bodies that surround us. Somebody said, I feel like I'm at the center of a lot. I said, yeah, I think you are. Now let's welcome it, realizing that we're welcoming it, but really we're welcoming a circle of water of it.

[28:34]

And when we really welcome the water, we welcome the ocean. And when we welcome the ocean and then continue to be kind, we see that the ocean and the circle of water are insubstantial. And we enter the Dharma. But not by getting out of dependent co-arising. Not by getting out of karmic consciousness and going someplace where there isn't any and then clarify space. No. We face the problem, we work with the problem, we embrace the problem, we encourage people to embrace the problem. This is our joy, this is our freedom, this is enlightenment. But we also have to be honest, like I do not want to think about the pinnacle rising today. I just want to calm down. Fine. Just don't think about it.

[29:40]

Just give up your thinking and have a nice day. And then, after you're feeling good, you'll hear a knock at the door and you'll say, It's karmic consciousness. Well, come on in. I've been waiting for you for a few seconds since I calmed down. I'm ready for you. I'm ready to open to you, to be patient with you, to give up trying to control you, to be intimate with you, and to be free with you, and to free you And karmic consciousness says, very good. Now you can teach.

[30:44]

So be honest. If you don't want to study dependent core rising, raise your hand and say, I don't want to. And I support you to not study As long as you don't want to, I support you not to. And I think that the more I and others support you and are loving you when you're not wanting to study the pinnacle of rising, that will help you treat yourself the same. Be kind to yourself when you don't want to. Fine. Really. Fine. And then someday you might come to Green Gulch Farm and start walking around and meet some farm apprentices, practice apprentices, and fall in love with them and want to be just like them. You know, be a farmer or a gardener.

[31:51]

And then you notice that they go to Zazen. You might want to go to Zazen too. Then you notice they're starting to Pentecostalize. You will be drawn into this middle way, this Buddha way. You will be drawn into it when you're ready. But if you're not, be honest, I'm not ready. I just want to calm down now. So session is a time to take a rest. And after you're rested, it's a time to study karmic consciousness. I think you understand pretty well intellectually. I think you understand pretty well. And now it's a question of whether you're going to let this teaching in and let it take over your life. And again, there is a

[32:58]

cheerleading squad, which is going to keep encouraging you to study Dependent Core Rising, to study Karmic Consciousness. So I'm happy for you and me. I like both being encouraged and being an encourager. And I feel and I am enjoying encouraging, or trying to encourage anyway. I also want to just tell you a little story about part of the reason why you might be having some difficulty receiving this teaching. This is a story, or you could all call it, it's a history, the story of a man, told by a man. It could be her story, but in this case it's a his story, the person, the people who tell it that I've heard are men. And the story goes like this. In India, In the Buddhist tradition, starting with the founder, doctrinal part of Buddhism, not all of Buddhism, because part of Buddhism was like, you know, going to town and begging or being in town and giving food to monks.

[34:15]

Part of the practice of Buddhism was being kind to people and around picking them up and cleaning them and helping them. But in terms of the contemplation of the doctrine, most Buddhism was primarily in India, causal analysis, analysis and exploration of the Pentagon Rising. That's what it was. When it got transmitted to China, which is a very big country, When Buddhism moved to China, there were more Buddhists in China than there had ever been before, much more than there were in India. So China became a huge Buddhist flower. And according to history, the first Buddhist texts that the Chinese really liked got into were the Mahayana texts.

[35:20]

The first ones that they really liked, they really appreciated, and a lot of them got interested, were the Mahayana texts. And in particular, the first ones were the Prajnaparamita texts. And part of what started to happen there was, for good reason, the Prajnaparamita kind of comes in and says, you people, it kind of says what I've been talking about, you people who are doing causal analysis are actually being kind of proud. You're kind of substantiating causes and effects. You're kind of making cause and effect too substantial. So the Prajnaparamita, the perfect wisdom, comes in and says, drop the substantiality around this causal analysis. That was the... The Prajnaparamita is trying to do that, is trying to strip away our... in our study of Dependicore Rising, which is good.

[36:24]

But what the story goes on to say is that what happened then is it kind of... this... this strong interest in overcoming the demon in the yogis who are studying the Pinnacle of Rising, it became a kind of like a foundation for making a new kind of substantial thing. What would that be? Well, emptiness. You know, Buddha nature, an eternal, an eternal, glorious Buddha nature, a mind nature, a Dharma element, a true body. So this actually beautiful thing happened, this beautiful dependent core rising happened in China where they made this kind of like substantial version of Buddhism out of trying to cut away the substantiality

[37:37]

of dependent core arising, which is realized non-substantiality. And that hindered in China the study and the conviction that studying karmic consciousness is the central practice. It didn't kill people. It just made it really hard to practice it. And so some people, when they look over Zen, They say, these Zen people don't seem to think karma is a problem. It's not a problem. Because they've got their one mind. So like karma, yeah, but it's not really a problem. Because we've got the eternal Buddha nature. So they just say, just get that Buddha nature, just get that one great mind and you're all set. Then karma won't be a problem. So then when Zen people hear about studying cause and effect, they kind of say, well, that seems kind of like unnecessary.

[38:48]

Or anyway, also kind of grisly and irritating. So let's just go with the Buddha nature and be happy. One of the greatest scholars on Japanese scholars on Buddha nature wrote a very good book and somewhere in the book he said about his analysis of this Buddha nature teaching, he said, it's so beautiful but I'm not sure it's Buddhism. He's still not sure. This guy is actually a pretty wonderful scholar. I don't know if he's still alive, but when he was alive, he was considered the foremost scholar in the world on Tathagatagarbha, or the womb of Buddha, teaching.

[39:50]

So he translated this work called Ratna Gotra Vibhanga, which is a story about the lineages of the jewel of the Buddha, about this Buddha nature. So he didn't say this is not Buddhism, but he wasn't sure it was because it actually seems to set up a self. like, you know, a beginningless, endless, substantial self, Buddha. And the Chinese kind of liked that. And so East Asian Buddhism had this event happen, which then makes it hard for people to study karmic consciousness. Karmic consciousness turns into kind of like, just kind of like a floating around the edge of this thing, this great eternal emptiness.

[41:01]

But as I said, it looks like in a rather controversial way, the last, not too many years, the last eight years of Dogen's life, he seemed to have like more and more clearly emphasized deep faith in studying karmic consciousness, karmic cause and effect. and using the forms of practice as opportunities to study the cause and effect of action. And bringing in Buddhist scriptures to demonstrate the sources of this practice. Which again, Zen has some reputation, we don't use Buddhist scriptures.

[42:09]

we just got the Buddha nature or the one mind. We got that, we own it, it's ours and here it is. We don't need scriptures. Zen is not always like that but it has a reputation like that and it's very attractive in a lot of ways. It's lovely. It's got a lot of chutzpah. But it makes it hard sometimes for us to do the which has always been part of a living Zen tradition of contemplating our own karmic cause and effect, which most of you are doing. I don't feel you're resisting it. I just feel if you had more confidence in it and less pride about it, more confidence that it's It's the worthy object of your attention and less feeling that what you think about it is really what's going on.

[43:19]

With more awareness that what you think about your friends and neighbors is just a circle of water in the ocean of your friends and neighbors. And there's nothing wrong with you. That's just the way we are. We have limited views. and of ourselves. So let's be really mindful, moment by moment, of what this limited view is. Be kind to it, so kind that we do not push our limits on them, of course. We do not cling to them, we do not apprehend them, we do not dwell on them. We're working with the problem that is calling for attention, we're working with it kindly, I dare say humbly, in our little circle of water way, and we're getting ready to not dwell on it and open to the way things really are, which is

[44:34]

to maintain, transmit it. Or not so much allows us, but allows for it to happen. Again, the saying is, all with God is karmic consciousness. And the karmic consciousness It has no fundamental. There's no bottom to it. You can't get a hold of it. That's all we've got. And studying that is the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas. So we're all set. We just have to be wholehearted about what's being given to us, which is a big, huge problem. And it's a lot bigger than we know it is. and also a lot smaller than we know it is. And I still think it's lovely.

[45:55]

published a book by me. It's called One Mind. It's a small book. I can show it to you. Remember you made that book for me, Miriam? It's a little volume called One Mind. It's One Mind by Reb Anderson. So that's part of my history is I've been a... for quite a while. And I admit that I've been singing the praises of One Mind for quite a while. And I even sometimes say that enlightenment is the silent bond among all beings. And that's it. And actually recently someone said, can we quote you on that and put it on the Zen Center calendar? I said, well, you could, but actually I think you should give for it. I mean, I wish I was the first one who said it, but the problem is that when you say, so that's pretty good.

[47:11]

What is enlightenment? Enlightenment is the dependable arising of all beings, the silent of dependable arising of all beings. That's enlightenment. The contemplation of that, which is so wholehearted that there's nobody in addition to the pentacle rising. That's enlightenment. All Buddhas and all sentient beings are just one mind and there's nothing else. And when he said that, that could be seen as saying that there is this thing, this wonderful eternal thing called one mind. That. I love Wong Bo and I will continue to love him. I hope you love him too. But don't dwell on him. He was really good at saying, don't dwell on me. Don't dwell on me.

[48:14]

If you dwell on me, you're a drug slurper. So he was good that way. He wanted something to tempt us to dwell on him. But he also said, what is it? What is it? What is the problem now? What is dependent core rising? What is? Don't answer. Look. I talked a long time today, didn't I? Not as long as yesterday? Yeah, please come.

[49:29]

Somebody want to come? Yes, you may come. While she's bringing it over, I want to tell you a story about my grandson. He said to me, are you going to Zazen this afternoon? And I said, would you like me to? He said, if you do, I'll go. He said, no. Matter of fact, if you go, I'm not going to go. If you go to Zazen, I'm going to go sit in my quiet place. And I said, well, if I don't go, are you going to go?

[50:34]

He said, I need my independence. Do you want me to tell you a story about you in public? Is it the same one you told in the priest meeting a while ago? No, it's a new one. A new one. Okay, sure. You can have it. The story is, I really appreciate the way Jane has the serving crew. She's committed to the form, but she's playful about it. Congratulations. Thank you. I hope you continue. Do you want to sit there? Please keep up the good play. Thank you. Thanks to my crew. Yeah, thanks to your crew. For receiving your playfulness and your wholehearted commitment to the forms of Soto Zen.

[51:39]

Who, me? That's what they say. Amazing. It's amazing, yeah. What you have become. Oh, my God. Okay. But it's not... Definitely. And not substantial. Absolutely not. I have a question. I thought I heard you say, as you were finishing up your talk, which I really enjoyed very much. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. Not, you were talking about the circle of water and not dwelling in it and not grasping it. And then I thought I heard you say not apprehending it. Yeah. So my question is in there because it seems like we do apprehend our stories. It seems like we do apprehend our stories.

[52:43]

Yeah, so on the subtle level, we do apprehend our stories. So on the subtle level, there's some conceit. What do you mean by on a subtle level? To me it seems like a really gross level. Well, like, if I have a story that I heard that you were an excellent head server, if I have that story, I can apprehend that story enough to tell you. But, for example, if someone says that's not true, I might, you know, that's not true that you heard that. I'd say, maybe so. Or somebody says, I didn't say that. That's not what I said. I can go kind of like, if it's subtle, I can go, cool. This is like, you're coming here to steal my view. How wonderful. I welcome you to like, like Catherine just said, it wasn't as long until I get to, but I welcome that.

[53:43]

And I could have put, you know, pride alert on her, but I didn't. Or I could have. So when there's playfulness around the apprehension, it's lighter than when it's really like it happened. And there's no room for being flexible. So I also wanted to say, you know, that I think I already did, that pride is a very subtle form or very to somewhat subtle form of anger. Mm-hmm. So, you know, you've got a story, I say, mm-mm, and you don't particularly like that I disagree with you, and so you kind of hold to it. Really, you're kind of angry at me on a subtle level, but you're kind of like, well, just me. So there is a level of apprehension in terms of tightness. So it's possible to settle with the apprehension of the story, to welcome it,

[54:50]

whatever it is, including apprehending something terrible. Be calm with it. Be gentle with it. Don't try to control it. Unviolent with it. You know, really love it. And in the fullness of that love, there's enough apprehension so you've got something there to love. But it's like, it's still there, but you're not in it. You're not abiding in it. You just have enough to have something to be kind to. And then in that being present with it, but almost no dwelling, the curtain opens on what it is. You let the ocean in. So this apprehension can go from extremely tight to just almost nothing. Almost no apprehension. Just enough, I think, I still see it, but it's almost gone. Maybe before it goes, though, While you still couldn't dwell, don't.

[55:51]

Something like that. Okay, thank you. You're welcome. Can I say one more thing? I'm not sure what I'm going to say, but when you said pride is sort of like anger, I thought of, like, it's also... It's a kind of anger. I thought it's like anger in that sense of pushing away or holding a boundary. Yeah. It's like that sense. It has that in common. Yeah. It's like a little bit of defense. Right. And that little bit of defense is a little bit of defense to the ultimate truth. You know, it's like a little bit, you know, and then we're a little bit afraid what would happen if we had zero defense. But really no defense. I think I know a little bit something about what's going on here. I know something here.

[56:52]

I have a lot of experience. There's some things I don't have to agree with. That's a little bit of anger there. It's easier to see as pride, but it's a little avoidance, a little bit of blockage. And it's the last thing for most of us before we open. Thank you. You're welcome. Those are kind of closely related also to boredom. Boredom's in there, around there too. Boring. Here's one of my grandson's teachers. Hi. Is this on? Good morning.

[57:53]

Good morning. When I hear you talk about contemplation and to study the dependent core rising, it sounds like an abstraction. It sounds like something extra. To study it? Yeah, to study it. Instead of just to drop our view and sit with, we can call it co-arising or sit with the world, but when we say contemplation, it sounds like an extra mental faculty, almost just like an intellectual Well, so what I'm saying is when your mind is functioning, that mind is thinking. So I'm saying, and that's karma.

[58:57]

And it's a process. So I'm saying be aware of your thinking. And being aware of your thinking means that you're thinking about thinking. You're thinking about karma. And also you're thinking about how, you sort of think a little bit about how to be with this thinking. So you have to kind of remind yourself not to be, not to, because there'll be sort of, probably some impulses to try to control your thinking, to get it to go someplace. Well, that's So just thinking about how to be with your thinking, which is going on, you might not be able to be with it. Now, if you can be with it with thinking of being kind and giving up control, if you actually do give up control, then at that moment you don't have to think about that anymore. You're with it. So when you're really intimate with your thinking, in some sense, then thinking kind of drops away.

[60:04]

In other words, the way you're with it is not thinking anymore. But it's not like you... It's just like you're giving up your view of what thinking is, including that you're watching thinking, giving up your view of what you're watching. And this is abstract, or this is intellectual, but it's a way to engage your intellect so your intellect doesn't veer away from dealing with your problem, which is your intellect. But if we engage in it that way, are we just creating more karma? If we engage in it that way, are we just asking? Because we're putting it in this model of dependent co-arising, and what I'm doing is I'm contemplating dependent co-arising. Isn't that just creating more karma? Well, in a sense, it's creating wholesome karma in relationship to whatever kind of karma. So your mind is arising with karma, with thinking, and we're receiving teachings about how to be with this thinking process in a more and more skillful way.

[61:14]

Even if it's unskillful thinking, there's a skillful way potentially to be with unskillful thinking. Like you can be skillful with other people's unskillfulness, and you can also be unskillful with other people's unskillfulness. But you can be skillful with your own unskillfulness. So that is a kind of karma. But as it becomes more and more wholehearted, you realize it's not karma, it's karma. You finally realize that. And thinking isn't really thinking. Would that go beyond dependent co-arising? No, it doesn't go beyond it. it is what's revealed when you're caring for dependent co-arising. When you clarify dependent co-arising, that dependent co-arising is insubstantial, too. Dependent co-arising is insubstantial. Karmic dependent co-arising, karmic cause and effect, is insubstantial. But if you aren't totally engaged with it, it whacks you all over the place, and then it seems substantial, because

[62:19]

We originally take it to be substantial. We originally take things to be substantial. And substantial karmic cause and effect is a problem. It's not a fun thing to be taken care of. It's a handful. It's a troublesome child. But we can be kind to troublesome children and realize that they're insubstantial and open to the truth and practice enlightenment. Could I say that contemplation would just be being awake or being aware of what is around me or inside me? It's being aware of what's around me or inside me. And what's around me or inside me is karmic consciousness. So it is being awake and aware, but it's being awake and aware of the dependent co-arising of the universe. It's not just being aware. It's being aware of karmic consciousness and its cause and effect.

[63:29]

And if you're really wholeheartedly aware of it, you realize it's space. But to go to space first is called being spaced out. And then based on that, you can think, hey, I don't have to pay attention to karmic cause and effect. To think that you don't have to pay attention to karmic cause and effect, the Buddha said, that is the worst view in the world. Of all wrong views, the worst one is, you can have a wrong view, like you can think you're the best person in the world, or you can think you have a substantial eternal self, that's the wrong view. But to think you don't have to study that, That's the worst thing that there is in the world. So spacing out can be very harmful. We have to be careful. If we wholeheartedly engage in studying our action, the cause and effect of our action, in the wholeheartedness we realize the emptiness of the whole process of creation.

[64:34]

Then if we stop there, we space out. So even in terms of substantiality, we have to go back to work again. So Buddhists realize the insubstantiality of all phenomena by studying karmic cause and effect. But then they go back and study karmic cause and effect and tell people about it. What are you doing? Well, I'm studying karmic cause and effect. How do you do it? Well, like this. and then they're seeing it as empty right along the way. So Buddhas see karmic cause and effect and its emptiness simultaneously. We see karmic cause and effect and as we fully engage in our vision of it, emptiness is revealed to us, but then we don't see karmic cause and effect anymore. So then we have to go back to it. So we have to go back and forth between form and emptiness. Form means karmic cause and effect, form, feeling, and they come together in karmic packages. We study them, and in the fullness of the study, in the wholeheartedness of the study, we see, oh, it's emptiness.

[65:37]

And then we treat emptiness the same way. Oh, it's karmic cause and effect. And so we go back and forth until dependent core arising of karmic causation is fully integrated with emptiness. And then we just keep going like that. Thank you. You're welcome. Thanks for the question. Thanks for taking care of my grandson. And this battery is running down, right? The light's red. It seems to be getting weaker. No? You can hear okay? I think it gets a buzz. Anyway, go ahead, use it. Come and fix it?

[66:44]

No. Pardon? I don't know anything about microphones. What are you here for? A question. Okay. She was, but... You thought you just came up here to work on the microphone? Green. Okay, yes. You have a gift? I do. Well, I have a question. My question maybe follows up a little bit to the last one. I think part of the problem I'm having with this idea of thinking Like this mental thing?

[67:44]

You're having a problem with thinking, yeah? Thinking is the problem. It is, yeah. So, it really is. So, I wanted to ask about this idea of contemplating carbonic consciousness in relationship to the idea of body with... you know, when you're sitting and things are arising, if that is part of what you're talking about with contemplation of karmic consciousness, is being aware of that. Yes, well, karmic consciousness is the consciousness of the story of your body and your mind and your friends. So it's good to be aware of your body. Just check it out, do you have one? Is it, you know, and then that's good. Now you got that down. And then are there any feelings there? And is there some kind of awareness? What kind do you have? Well, it's kind of depressed or a little excited or cloudy or it's cold. You know, we can call it just cold.

[68:45]

It's a kind of consciousness, right? And it's related to your body. Your body feels cold. and you're feeling kind of uncomfortable. So the body, the feeling, and the consciousness. And then you sort of listen, well, is there some kind of opinion about this? Yeah, the opinion. I don't want to come to Green Gulch anymore. So that's sort of like, but that's based on body, feeling, and your consciousness. So your thinking is like your overall, it's like the story you're telling about the relationship between your body, your mind, your feelings, and your environment, and that you have one every moment. So being aware of your body, feeling, and consciousness support a wholehearted awareness of your thinking. Thinking that you're aware of while you're simultaneously aware of your body is a more of your thinking. Being aware of your feelings also enhances and whole-heartifies your meditation on your consciousness.

[69:52]

But usually we don't recommend looking at the consciousness unless you're grown to this. That's why it's nice for people to have a body with and then look at karmic consciousness, which is body-based. Thanks. You're welcome. Susan, since you're close to the... But you don't know where the glasses are, do you? Would you give me a glass of water, please?

[70:58]

Good morning. Welcome, Catherine. Thank you. You have a nice green light on there. I do have this green light on. Well, what I first came to express kind of got washed away by some other conversation. But maybe as an example, when I said to you, not as long as yesterday. Yeah. Any thought about that whatsoever? You said it, and I said that back. And then when you brought up the possibility of a pride alert in relation to that, I experienced that comment of yours as an assertion that there was some pride, not as long as yesterday, which may or may not have been your intention. But you thought that... That came up for me. There might have been such a thing. This reactive, like the protection thing that I was talking to you about.

[72:14]

And then I felt real sorrow and sadness on the vulnerable side. And it distracted me for the first few moments of the conversation that was ensuing between you and Jane at that time. And I'm also reminded that you asked me to express something to more people than to you, which I expressed to you in Doksan. So I got up, and then there's further interactions took place, aside from the conversation with Matt, and then the microphone and everything. And then it came back to the body in your... So I would like to go back to what I said in Doksan this morning. which came out of talking about seeing in a thinking and contemplating way. I have a story that sometimes is really, I really experience having two sides,

[73:21]

of my body to different, very different sides. And in fact, once upon a time, Anna Thorne was doing craniosacral work on me. And I think it was the first, gave me the first led to this way of experiencing things, which was that on this side, my right side, she found, if I remember the story, this is how I remember the story, that it was kind of dead and not responsive in that area, whereas on the left, it was completely responsive. So what I found was that more and more, I have this tightness on the right side and not so much tightness on the left side. And sometimes the subjective experience that I have of this body is that they're two very different bodies. So I was experiencing yesterday and relating those two physical bodies to these

[74:26]

more sort of psychic selves or states, one of which is active, assertive, expressive, and kind of dominant and pushes me over. And on the left side body is this softer, receptive, pliable, and kind of caves in to the right. So often in Zazen, I'm leaning over to the left, and I have to straighten my... Come up. And the thing that I said to Rev this morning, which I think some people who know me probably also know this, but I was really expressing it in relation to the two-sidedness of the body. But I think the suggestion was that maybe people don't know this or they don't know that I know it, which is that... This active, assertive, expressive side is very visible to people and gets a lot of responses and also acts as a kind of protector, but this receptive side that receives

[75:38]

This is a side I have more sense of identifying with as myself, in quotation marks, as this psychophysical being, so that I often feel people are seeing someone and responding and reacting and relating with... They don't know who I am because they're relating to the person over on this active side and they... are not seeing or hearing or meeting or receiving the person that's back here on the receiving side. And that's a very schematic way of describing something. It's a karmic way of describing something. That is karmic. Well, it's a karmic way of describing karmic, and that karmic way that it is is overlaying something that's not karmic. Right, and it's an effort to express something that's fuller than the expression.

[76:41]

This analysis is a causal analysis. So this is, I recommend you continue and express and then reveal this analysis to get feedback on it. So the invitation of this expression at this moment is for every who either didn't know this left-hand side of me or hasn't seen it or doesn't know how to meet it to help me bring it forth in activity. Yeah, and then when this thing happened to me saying something about the pride alert, the receptive part received it. It cried. That's what the receptive part does quite a lot. And the receptive part cried, and then the defensive part came up. There's something besides receiving.

[77:42]

To feel anxious, yeah. Well, feel anxious, but also say, maybe I'm being accused or something. Yeah. So I got the image that the defensive side, the active defensive side, in some ways it makes it possible for the receptive side to be kind of quite pure. The receptive side is letting this other side do a lot of work. That is something I expressed this morning. Yes, right. So that's part of the analysis is to notice that. Right. The vulnerable side that cries when accused thinks that it didn't do anything but disavows that active side. The active side and its friends. Or its cohorts. Yeah, and the world, the whole world. That's what I mean. Yeah, that's right. But not me. That's right.

[78:42]

Yeah. And I mentioned to Catherine that the image of Soto Zen meditation is this receptive center surrounded by this kind of like active surround, which in some sense is a container for the receptor, receptive, and a protection. was we wanted to somehow find a way to integrate these. So the center is maybe the center would be where a lot of people identify. The receptive center. Because maybe the first thing that happens is when it's touched very quickly the active comes in to do something about it so they don't notice that actually something alive was there. Just as you're saying that, it feels like the... Well, now I'm already not believing this.

[79:43]

I was going to say that it seemed like the site of believing the story was up in the conceptual place that makes the story, but also that's the site of doubt and questioning. But I felt like there was also a deeper sense of, maybe it's not doubt, but of building the story in the soft place. Yeah, just receiving it without holding it somehow. Maybe that's the doubt, the place where the wholesome doubt is also. Doubt in the sense of not being proud, not approving the way you feel about what you just got. And maybe the skeptical, critical doubt is just another form of holding and assertion. Mm-hmm. Okay, that's pretty fun. Thank you very much. And then I just wanted to also just briefly mention that

[80:56]

could also be, for myself I wish it to be, a ritual. In the sense that I'm doing this analysis but I'm also ritually enlightenment. That I'm doing an analysis but the analysis is also the way of meeting Buddha face to face. So in one sense it's like very close to psychotherapy, to analyze karmic consciousness. But in addition to being psychotherapy, it is also enlightenment in that not only are you looking at what Buddhas are looking at, but you're meeting Buddha in this. But the Buddha you're meeting is a projection. It has no fixed referent.

[82:04]

It's that kind of meeting. You're meeting through doing this while realizing that the whole process is empty. And so it's a ritual. You're not really doing it. Yes, if you'd like to come, you may. Did you want to come? Please. You're welcome. Thank you. Can you talk about Hyakujo's fox, please?

[83:08]

Well, very briefly I would say that in the story somebody was asked ...highly cultivated practitioner fall into karmic causation. And somebody said, no. And as a result of that, they got some heavy karmic causation for a while. Then that person comes to talk to this other guy and says, this happened to me. And then I got this big, heavy karmic causation thing happening for me. So would you please give me a turning word? Would you turn my response in a way, please?" And so then Bhai Jan says, well, ask the question again. So the guy says, does a highly cultivated person fall into cause and effect or not? And Jau Jau says, they don't obscure cause and effect.

[84:09]

In other words, a highly cultivated person clarifies cause and effect. He doesn't say they do fall into or they don't fall into. He says what they do. What they do is they're clarifying. They're going to obscure cause and effect dash highly cultivated people are clarifying cause and effect. They're in there with cause and effect, illuminating it. That's the short story about that. While he was interacting with this person, while Baijiong was interacting with the former Baijiong, he was clarifying cause and effect and his words came from that clarifying of cause and effect and then cause and effect was clarified and he was liberated through the clarification. But they're both still in cause and effect clarifying together.

[85:12]

And in that case, you could say that that was meeting Buddha face to face. They were both...Baijong was meeting Buddha face to face. Baijong I meeting Baijong II. They were both meeting Buddha face to face in their discussion of karmic cause and effect. in their mutual clarity of the dependent core arising of karma. Thank you. You're welcome. So again, for me, I find it helpful to be mindful that I'm pretending to be a disciple of Buddha.

[86:24]

I'm pretending. I'm doing a ritual of meditating like a Buddha. I'm doing a ritual I'm playfully, I'm doing a play, a little play. I'm studying dependent core arising. I'm studying karmic cause and effect. I'm playing. This is a playful ritual. This is to help me not be proud of being a disciple of the great Buddhas. The ritual awareness helps as an antidote to the pride of doing the most excellent meditations. Hey, baby.

[87:39]

I have some problems with some things that you're saying. Like... I am bringing this up because I'm aware of conceit. And I'm definitely aware of fear. I'm definitely aware of being threatened, feeling threatened. And I sort of am threatened about That you're asking me to turn a blind eye to beings who are suffering?

[88:45]

You feel threatened at the possibility that I would ask you to turn a blind eye? Is that what you're saying? Yeah. I mean, what is threatened is... If I give up my conceit, my conceit feels very protective, and if I give that up, there's this feeling of blindness. If you give up your conceit, a feeling of blindness might come? Do you feel that I can articulate that more? I was just checking to see if I heard you correctly. That's all.

[89:49]

I thought it was clear. That as we contemplate giving up our conceit, we often notice that we're afraid of what we're doing. Like if we think someone's being harmful, and then we feel kind of We approve of our understanding that it's harmful. It's kind of conceited. And we might be afraid if I give up my conceit about this, maybe I won't be able to be protective anymore. Maybe I'll just let this harm occur then if I don't hold to this is harmful. Is that kind of what you're saying? Yeah. And I think people feel that way about precepts. If I want to practice the precept of not killing, I'm afraid if I would give up my approval of my understanding of that precept, that maybe I wouldn't be able to practice not killing anymore.

[90:55]

Maybe the killing thing would just get out of control if I don't find out what that means. that comes up for people. So I think I have to be really sure of what not killing means, otherwise I might not be able to practice the precept, and that would be so terrible that I've got to be conceited about it. Yeah, so now you're explaining what I'm trying to articulate. Great. So I would encourage us to find out, you know, do I want to practice now? I don't know what it is. Can I be committed to it so wholeheartedly that I don't have to also be holding on to it? But a lot of people say, yeah, well, it's certainly okay to be rigid about not killing.

[91:58]

I'd say, It's okay, but it would be better if you were not rigid about the precepts. To be committed without rigid adherence to them. But again, then we get frightened, if I don't rigidly adhere, if I don't try to control myself around the precepts, maybe they'll get broken. And yes, maybe they will. But I think it's a little bit more likely Maybe. I'm not sure that they'll get broken if we're rigid about them. Yeah, I feel that. In my protectedness, I feel that. Yeah. So, in practicing the precepts, we have opportunity when we notice rigidity around them, or pride around them, self-righteousness around them, that we confess that pride and that self-righteousness around the precepts, and then we develop a more wholehearted way, we discover a more wholehearted way of practicing, like, I really want to practice this, but I don't know what it is.

[93:15]

To find a confidence, proud, somehow. I noticed that when I greeted you, there seemed to be... I thought I noticed that. Well, whenever you come to meet me, there's always tension there. Do you care to say more about that? Zenki. Tension is Zenki. It's a great gift. Please enjoy it. Wait now, so the whole works? Wait, wait, and help me out.

[94:19]

Tension is the whole works. That's my name. Yeah. And we don't know who owns tension. That's part of the whole works. This is a very troubling affair. Very troubling affair. This is a very troubling affair? Yeah. But I think that's really great. Bodhisattvas are wholehearted about trouble. I feel deeply supported in my problems with pride.

[95:25]

Wonderful. Please support your proud friends to study their pride, too. I commit to this endeavor. I apologize to your knees and the knees of everybody still. I'll try not to be... Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'll try to make it quick, but I feel a confession that I have to make, which goes back to those lectures that you referenced.

[96:39]

In 1992, I was in that practice period when you gave those luminous and illuminating lectures. And I remember after you spoke one day, I said, I said, of the unmistakable ring of liberation, how can I sit here and not wake up? And then before you could respond to me from across the room, another voice came, kind of a whiny, accusatory voice of someone who was my personal nemesis during that practice period. I didn't, at the time, Tassajara had a standing position of unbowed personal nemesis, but there it was.

[97:51]

There she was and she said in this naggy whiny accusatory voice Why is it every time I? Feels like there's a tractor running over my back And I felt and things move down from there and I felt that that what I had asked you was something that was important to me, and I felt that you answered me in a way that would be important to me. And then when you were talking yesterday, I realized I created this story that actually the answer was, came from across the room, it's because you have not yet learned to be compassionate to me. and that throughout the many years here and before I came here, in retrospect, it's obvious, I've realized it in part all along, but in retrospect, it's really obvious that the greatest

[99:19]

I've had in practice the greatest blockages to practice. That which has stopped me more than anything else is anger and lack of compassion and a lack of appreciation to people who were appointed to be my personal nemeses. I'll try harder next time. I'm so happy to hear this. I was telling myself two stories the last few minutes.

[100:39]

One of the stories is that I'm in an ocean of sangha. And the other story is that somehow I seem to be in a little capsule that's isolated and can't reach the ocean. And I was thinking that I was kind of laughing to myself because so frequently my partner will ask me something that she's been reading about Buddhist practice or has been experiencing in her practice, and she'll say, well, how do you understand this? I don't. And we kind of laugh about that's the difference between my Zen practice and her not Zen practice because I don't. I don't understand. And so usually I really enjoy hearing you speak, feeling like your words are going directly to my heart and my mind doesn't understand at all.

[101:47]

And this morning, I didn't like that at all. I felt lost. I felt sad and scared. Somehow, thank you, Catherine. Catherine's willingness to be vulnerable kind of brought me back to earth and gave me the courage to just come up and share that I feel confused. And I'm torn between this part of me that... wants to be a Zen student at Green Gulch all the time. Pardon? That wants to be a Zen student at Green Gulch all the time. And this part of me that has this rich life at home. And how do I bring those together? The experience of sitting at home with me. How do you take the experience of being confused?

[102:49]

I know how to take that one, Holmes. Well, there you go. That's how. Take your confusion home. Then you're always in the Buddha way. I'm not asking you to like your confusion. I'm just saying, take it home and be compassionate with it. It's karmic consciousness. This is your gift. Now, if you go home and you don't take it with you, then you should come back here and get it. If you can't bring it home, it's here. Come back and get it. And keep bringing it back home until you can stay with what you have, which is

[103:52]

the pentacle arising of the karmic cause and effect. That's what you have. When you've got that, you're in the play space of the Buddhas. When I watched your words, when you said, take it home, and you guessed your heart at me, I realized, I think maybe you were saying what you said a few days ago about being welcoming and kind. Yeah, welcome the confusion. Welcome the problem of karma. Welcome the problem of our... ...and effect of our action. Welcome it. With all the confusion that comes with it. Would that be kind of like saying, welcome life? Welcome life, yeah. And welcome life as it's appearing to you.

[104:55]

It's not just welcome life, it's welcome what's called a pint-sized version of it. Welcome this little version of it and be kind to this little version of life. And if you're kind to it, you realize this little version doesn't have any walls. really, and then you open. But this little version is hard to deal with. It's hard to be kind to, because it's so confused and painful. But this is what's been given to you, so this is what you become the host of. And when your hosting becomes wholehearted, then you open to all of life. In the meantime you're doing what a Buddha would do with your situation and when you become wholehearted you'll meet Buddha without moving a particle of confusion.

[105:59]

I'm not a confusion engineer. I'm not a confusion bulldozer operator. I'm a confusion host. And I have confidence in that and I'll watch for my pride in that. Thank you for coming to visit. Satchin beings are numberless. I vow to welcome them. May our intention

[107:12]

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