Many people have come and talked to me in the little room and expressed gratitude. Gratitude for this session, all the support they have received. In my consciousness, again and again, something like wow arises when I observe how you are supporting each other and how you are taking care of

[01:08]

silence and stillness. Around the country and beyond, many people imagine that we're practicing like we're practicing. And they are grateful that people in this valley, in this meditation hall, sit still and witness stillness and witness silence. Many people feel that they somehow are unable to witness stillness and silence in their life. and yet they feel it's really important that somebody do that. So I'm glad that there's temples like the Green Dragon Temple and other temples around the world where people are supported and supported to take care of stillness, to witness it, to witness silence.

[02:27]

The world needs this practice. And you have been giving yourselves to it, supported to do it. And I say, wow. To the full-time participants, you have really been full-time participants. Thank you so much. I also want to thank the people who have not been full-time participants, who have been working in the kitchen and on the farm and in the garden, and on maintenance and grounds, and in the guest program. Even though you're working, you have still come and participated a lot. And I say to you, wow, thank you so much. Please tell your friends who aren't here right now, thank you. Sometimes during Sashin, people who are not full-time participants and who are working, they kind of forget about the Zendo.

[03:46]

It's happened. And I must say it's a sad thing for me to see. But not this Sashin. The young people have also packed the Zendo in the morning. It's really great. I hope you're not too tired. People also appreciate this community for growing beautiful. edible plants and beautiful flowers and herbs. They go to farmers markets and they see these products of our labor and they are inspired to go on living in the world when they see these beautiful, nutritious, organic produce.

[04:50]

So people are grateful to the practice here, for the practice of stillness and silence and for the practice of great effort in taking care of each other and the land and the plants and the animals. So I over and over mentioned that bodhisattvas, enlightening beings, live their lives by vows and acts of compassion. They live their life by vows and acts of compassion for the ocean of living beings.

[05:57]

And in this way they walk the path of the Buddhas. And in order to live the life of their vows and acts of compassion and walk the path of Buddha, it is necessary and I could say also it is pivotal that they let go of fear of suffering. Otherwise that fear will undermine their life by vow and acts of compassion. It won't usually stop it completely, but sometimes it temporarily completely, and they switch from acts of compassion to other kinds of acts because they get afraid and distracted from their vow.

[07:12]

It happens. It's very sad. They actually have these vows and pain. derails them for a while. We must learn to give up fear of our own personal pain. There's no fear of personal pain, just means when it comes, donate it to your fear bank. In order to let go of fear of personal pain and walk the path, walk the Buddha way, we need to see that things are not something to touch.

[08:18]

And objects or conditions are not something to face out there. So the seeing of Buddha's activity, the seeing of Zazen and the illumination of Zazen is necessary in order to give up fear of pain and joyfully walk on. So we've been looking at what kind of knowing is going on, what kind of realization is going on in the Buddha's pivotal activity. This is the kind of knowing and illuminating which liberates us from the illusion that other people not us.

[09:22]

I should say that the other people who are not us are separate from us rather than we are the people who are not us. We are not us. And many people say, I can't save all sentient beings. Well, It's not that you save all sentient beings, it's the understanding of your relationship with all sentient beings that saves all sentient beings. We are pivots. And we need to fully inhabit our position in order to realize our pivotal activity, which is the pivotal activity of Buddhas.

[10:26]

We need to be at the center where we live. When we're there, we can realize that here is not here and I am not me. I am not I. This realization lets go of the fear and saves all beings. living where we are, living at the center of our life, which is our life, we receive Buddha's intimate transmission.

[11:39]

We are living at the center of our life and we have received Buddha's transmission intimately. It's already been realized. So now we're trying to take care of it. By taking care of it, we realize that it's been realized. The Song of the Precious Mere Samadhi, which we sing and study a lot, starts out by saying, Buddha ancestors, intimate transmission, the teaching of suchness, intimate transmission, Buddhas and ancestors, the teaching Intimate transmission, Buddha ancestors, now you have it, so take care of it.

[12:49]

Now we have it, so let's take care of it. How do we take care of it? Don't touch it. Don't turn away from it. So it says it's knowing which doesn't touch. We can now say it's knowing which doesn't touch and it doesn't turn away. That's how we take care of the knowing by not touching or turning away. In this way we are receiving the intimate transmission which is given to us as our nature. further instructions about how to take care of our nature which is given to us, how to take care of our nature which we give to everyone, how to take care of our nature which is receiving and giving.

[14:06]

It says, if you're excited, you fall into a pit. If you hesitate, you miss it, and you spend quite a bit of time in regret, in retrospective regret, getting excited or hesitating. Excited and jumping towards it, hesitating and shrinking back. So we're instructed to watch out for that. If you move, you turn away from it. You receive it and give it in stillness. You're actually doing this activity of receiving and giving without going anyplace.

[15:15]

But if we don't practice not going anyplace, Or if we shrink back from where we are, we miss it. So part of our job is to be the center which we are.

[16:39]

We are living at a non-abiding center. And even though we're non-abiding, we need... accept responsibility for our position. We need to put ourselves in our position. So we have that ritual here in the Zendo where we actually sit at a certain place. We sit at our seat, right in the middle of it. So an example I often give is when I was maybe eight years old I went to an amusement park and they had a ride which was a conical disc. And people could sit on the disc and then they would start spinning the disc.

[17:52]

And being someone who had a Zen practice in his future, I went and sat at the center of the disk. And again, it wasn't like I fought my way to Zen. Everybody supported me to sit at the center. Maybe because I was just a little boy. I don't know. Anyway, they seemed to be happy to sit around the periphery. And so they started spinning and everybody flew off the cone except the He just pivoted. I didn't resist on that occasion. sitting in the center.

[18:58]

I lost the fun of flying off the wheel. I lost the fun of the struggle to stay on it as things started to spin. But, I don't know, it was fine with me just to sit there in the middle. But sometimes either I couldn't find the middle or I couldn't stand the middle. Sometimes it seems like I resisted the middle.

[20:08]

I, yeah, I hesitated to sit at the middle. And someone asked for examples of and or resistance. So one time I was on a trip with Suzuki Roshi and he became very sick. He experienced really strong pain. We were in a session and he was leading it and he couldn't stay. He couldn't stay in the retreat. He had to go to the place where we were staying.

[21:11]

And he asked me to stay and finish the retreat for him. And after it was over, we took the airplane and came back to San Francisco. And I had the seat next to him. That was my seat. And he was sitting on his seat. And I think he was doing pretty good sitting on his seat. I didn't ask him how he was doing but I really resisted sitting in my seat and I was embarrassed that here I was sitting next to my dear teacher and I was given my seat next to him but I resisted just sitting in my place.

[22:14]

I wasn't overtly saying, I wish I was on some other or had a different seat on this one. Just in my mind, I noticed I was flying away. I was flying off. I was flying off rather than be there next to my suffering teacher. and be where I was. I was his attendant. I was his supporter. I should be there for him. But I noticed my mind was going many places that were unnecessary to go to. Just have my mind be here in this chair next to my team. It was needed over and over, moment by moment, but the mind went off. And I I was embarrassed moment after moment that I was resisting sitting at the center of my work with this suffering teacher next to me.

[23:23]

But from then on, and also before, I really tried, I really gave myself to try to not run away from the opportunity of being where I was when he was nearby. I don't remember exactly when I said it to him, but I I said, why don't I have problems with you? I think when I said that I was not remembering or it had not yet happened that I tried to get away from him or I tried to get away from but tried to get away from how I was.

[24:43]

But even so, I didn't feel like I was resisting him, that he was doing something I wanted to get away from. I wanted to get away from how I was feeling being near him. So I guess what I was saying to him, how come I never have a problem with what you're doing? And he said, you will. But I never did have a problem with what he was doing. I never got angry at him. But he said, I would. But he didn't live long enough for me to get angry at him or to think that he wasn't being kind to me. But he said I would. But even if we think our teacher is such and such, it's still our job at the center while we're thinking that.

[26:03]

And again, we may turn away from that. From what? From how we are in this intimate communication. We may like. We may touch or turn away. We may get excited or hesitate. When we're afraid of fear, at that time, the intimate communication, the intimate transmission is going on.

[27:21]

It's going on. And then if we're in pain and afraid of more pain, the inter-communion is going on. But again, it's hard to not resist the pain and or fear of more pain. It's hard to not resist. And again, if I resist, I abandon my work of taking care of what's been So I need to, if I have already started to go away, I need to do that. And then I need to call upon all the practices of compassion which will help me be at the center with the pain and the fear of more pain or less pain.

[28:40]

In this way, I can be at the place where everyone's supporting me and I'm supporting everyone. It's the place I am, but I can be where I am. And this way of being at the place we are There is a knowing which doesn't touch or turn away. And there is an illumination which doesn't face or oppose conditions. The illumination of this presence at the center is Not facing the conditions. Not facing the conditions is the elimination. And it lives where we are.

[29:47]

There is a knowing which doesn't touch or turn away. And not touching or turning away is the knowing. Don't touch or turn away. That is the knowing. and this occurs where we are. I want the touch.

[31:28]

Do you want some instruction about that? Yes. Don't touch the wanting to touch. And don't turn away from the wanting to touch. The wanting to touch, the wanting to touch is at the center. The touching takes you away from the center. The turning away from wanting to touch is turning away from the center. I want to soothe. You want to soothe? It is a knowing which doesn't touch the wanting to soothe.

[32:35]

And it doesn't turn away from the wanting to soothe. In this way, you can be at the center of wanting to soothe. So how do you make a decision? I think you have to come closer, you're too far away. With the support of everything that's not me. And I am responsible with the support of all beings for the decision to rise at my center or the center.

[33:44]

I am responsible for all decisions in the universe, including the ones that appear in this consciousness. Generosity, ethical discipline, diligence, diligent care for our vows, tranquility, these practices help us live at the center where we can see the pivotal activity of all Buddhas.

[35:29]

I want to run. Welcome, wishing to run. Me too. Do you also want to sit at the center of your life? I'm scared to.

[36:49]

Do you want to sit at the center of being scared? I'm trying. You're trying. Do you want to? Do you understand that pivotal activity of the Buddhas is occurring where you are, when you're afraid? Buddha must be just like you. Buddha must be, can only, Buddhahood can only be Buddha as you.

[37:59]

Your job is to be you so Buddha can be you. And that's really hard for us Sit at the place. Sit at our Dharma position. When you are afraid, that is an unavoidable, necessary condition for Buddha.

[39:18]

Buddha is the irreversible, unavoidable irreversibility of your fear and Buddha. It is your responsibility to not turn away or touch your wanting to run and your fear. That's your responsibility. And no one is forcing you to do it. And everyone is giving you this opportunity. And my job is to... Hey, there's a mosquito in my ear. I was happy to hear it because I didn't turn away from it.

[40:57]

I was happy not to turn away. I'm happy not to turn away. But if I do turn away, I want to confess and repent that I turned away from something. And I told you stories about where I turned away from the person I most wanted to be with. Or I turned away from the way I felt when I was with who I most wanted to be with. Another time I was, he asked me to come to his room and to chant with him, or for him. I had been trained by a visiting teacher, a visiting priest who had been the Eno of the great

[42:13]

a Heiji monastery and was for thirteen years the lead chanter of all the services. And he came to Tassajara to teach us chanting, and I studied chanting with him. And Suzuki Roshi came to Tassajara and asked me to show him what this visiting teacher had taught him, which I was happy to do. And I was happy to be with him. I came to Zen Center to be with him and to show him my practice. And here I had a chance to be with him and show him my practice. And so I changed. And he listened. And then he started to give me some feedback. And I wanted to, I didn't want to run, I wanted to walk out of the room. Here I was, full attention, listening to me, you know.

[43:40]

And he's listening to me, and then he stops and shows me a slightly different way to do it. I try it, and he watches, and I watch him trying. I watch him watching my voice and giving me feedback. And I wanted to walk out of the room. He wasn't beating me up. He was just intimately changing the way I breathe and the way I move my tongue and lips and throat and jaw. He was just doing... micro adjustments in my body and mind. He was just being intimate with me, which is why I was at the place. And I wanted to walk out. And so I said, I don't want to take any more of your time, Roshi.

[44:47]

And he said, it's okay. You can stay. And I... I don't know if it was one more, two more, three more times, but I kept trying to get out of the room. But, you know, I didn't tell him Roshi, I'm trying to get away from you. I learned this chanting so that you could work with me on it. And here I am, you are working with me on it, and I don't want this intimacy. But I do. So it's It's an ongoing thing that we want to get away from the center because it's so intimate and we're so not in control and we're so being adjusted by everything, even by the person who wants to adjust us.

[46:02]

Still, when they actually do adjust us, it's like... Could we do this later? Enough. This is overwhelming. Except we sometimes don't say so. But you said so. And you said so. And you said so. I wasn't as good as you. I just said, I don't want to take any more of your time. I don't want you to give me any more of what I came here to receive. I can't stand the blessings that I'm receiving. They're too much." That's kind of it. Yeah, I'm like, I can't accept this blessing because if I did, then would I have to give you back a blessing like that?

[47:08]

This is all too much. But in this way, by hesitating and noticing it, we can find our way back to the center again and again where we engage with, where we let go and plunge into the pivotal function of all Buddha. Were you afraid? Afraid? Was I afraid? What do you think I was afraid of? Maybe.

[48:18]

I more felt like... Did you say, wasn't I afraid instead of what? No, I was embarrassed that I couldn't stand being with my feelings of being next to his pain. I was kind of saying, you know, kind of like, what am I doing not being willing to be here next to him? I was watching myself get ahead of myself and behind myself, any place, but right now, here. I was watching my mind go all over the place, flying away from being, you know, flying away from being with Buddha. Being with him was, not that he was Buddha, but being with him was Buddha. And I was running away from it.

[49:22]

And that's where I wanted to be, and I got to be there. And then I'm going away. I was embarrassed how silly I was. And I didn't feel very afraid of being this silly boy. I was accepting, I am a silly boy. Here I am. I, of all the students in the world, I'm the one who gets to sit next to him and look at the one he's got. You know? All the other ones who probably would be able to sit next to him, they're not here. It's me. You know, the person who can't stand the discomfort of being near his pain. When you're sitting next to your teacher, your dear teacher in pain, what do you do? Do you tell jokes? Do you say, how are you feeling? Are you silent? Do you talk?

[50:23]

Do you sing a song? Anything I can do to help you? I didn't think there was anything I could do to help him but to sit there. I thought that would be the most helpful thing. I did. I had been around him for a while. He sort of gave me the that the best way for me to help him was to sit at my seat. And because I did usually sit at my seat, he gave me opportunities to sit in the seat next to him. Do you understand? That's why I was sitting there, because usually I was sitting in my seat. And he said, oh, he sits in his seat, so he would be a good person to put next to me. He probably could sit there. But when his pain got turned up, I kind of said, okay. And I noticed I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed that I was missing this great opportunity to be with him.

[51:26]

And here's kind of the punchline. I did not miss the opportunity. I did not waste that time. I thought I was wasting the time and I was embarrassed, but I didn't waste the time. The way I was now helps you. Telling the story, it makes it not a waste of time. but I have to tell the story, and you have to ask me to tell the story." We do not waste time. But we think we do, and we notice that, and we confess it, and we're embarrassed, and that lets us tell the story again until we realize that we always were at the center,

[52:42]

with the Buddha. Another story could have been about me being afraid and trying to get ... the story of the ... being afraid, being afraid of what he was seeing while I was chanting, being afraid that he thought, you know, what he thought of me. I wasn't running away from being with his pain. I was running away from him looking at me and being afraid of what he might think if I did another little funny thing. That time I was more running away from fear. Then I was afraid of running away from fear. On the airplane I was afraid. I was afraid to sit at my seat. I was afraid of not knowing what to do to help him.

[53:47]

I was shirking my responsibility to sit at my place. But not really. Not really. At the end of some, on the tan it says, don't waste time. At the end of another one of our chants it says, don't waste time. It's a setup for a joke. And the punchline is, you can't waste time. And when that joke, when you get that joke, you realize you never did waste time.

[54:57]

your whole life for not wasting time. And now I would like to ask for a recitation of Hung Ger's poem in Chinese. Would the reciters please come stand here? and read or sing or dance this poem. How about, let's try twice and then maybe... You are free to correct anytime.

[56:07]

These are, this is called the Chong Sisters. I don't know how to do this. I'll hold it. Okay. I'll do it closer too. . 我要饥,足足饥药,不斥世而知,不对缘而诈,不斥世而知其之自为,不对缘而诈。 Thank you for watching! Niao Fei Miao Miao

[57:23]

Fǒu fǒu yào jī, zǔ zǔ jī yǎo, bú qì shì é zhì, bú duì yǎn é zhǎo, bú qì shì é zhì. zhi zhi wei, bu dui yuan er zhao, qi zhao zhi miao, qi zhi zhi wei, ceng wu fen bie zhi si, qi zhao zhi miao, ceng wu hao wu zhi zhao, ceng wu fen bie zhi si, qi zhao zhi miao, ceng wu hao wu zhi zhao, Niao Fei, Niao Niao. Thank you.

[58:51]

@Transcribed_v005
@Text_v005
@Score_89.89