Sitting here, facing the ocean of living beings and the ocean of the precepts, I feel deeply touched. with awe. I feel and sit in awe in the face of the great darkness that these precepts are acknowledging Sit in awe of the great harm within attention to these precepts and non-practice of these precepts.

[01:18]

Cause it. Feel in awe of the great responsibility to protect beings from harm and to protect these precepts from being misunderstood or lost. I pay my respects to all my friends, known and unknown, who have suffered and died in misery from not realizing this precept. I sit in awe facing the light of this precept, the glorious awakening

[02:31]

of this precept, the profound and penetrating wisdom, the infinite compassion of those bodhisattvas over the millennia who have protected these precepts, transmitted these precepts, in order to make sure that they not be lost or misunderstood. I acknowledge the great religious power of receiving these precepts and the fundamental spiritual forces of nature that they assemble. I don't know if I should pay homage to these powers

[03:42]

But I do pay my respects to them, and I also acknowledge that these powers can be misused. I sit in awe of the possible misuse of spiritual power that comes with these precepts. It's difficult to go on. But not speaking, my heart won't help. So I express my understanding. This precept, all precepts of bodhisattvas, are for those of us who suffer.

[04:57]

This precept is a deeply compassionate call to us to listen to the cries of this world. a simple instruction of how to open our hearts and face our own anxiety and the anxiety of all things. In the intense swirl of our changing life and the turbulence of our pain and pleasure, it's very difficult for us to be present and quiet and still.

[06:01]

This precept is kindly encouraging us to be thus. We may lack confidence in being upright and gentle in the present moment of experience, second by second, minute by minute, throughout the day. deeply receiving this and the other precepts, graciously grants us the competence to embody the Buddha way. The English word intoxication

[07:11]

means to put poison in. This precept is called no intoxicants. In the form of Dobinstein was called not selling wine. perhaps today we should call it no substance abuse, since the range of poisons has multiplied vastly. Whether we say intoxication or drugs or alcohol or no substance abuse,

[08:15]

The essence, not the essence, the essential ingredient seems to be that we intend to bring something in. And we're not satisfied with this experience. And we wish to bring something in. We may like this experience but not feel like we had enough of it, so we wish to bring something in to prolong it. We may dislike this experience and wish to bring something in to avoid it and make it go away. We may be fairly satisfied with this experience but want to bring something in to modify it a little.

[09:20]

It is the intention. This precept is pointing to the intention to manipulate, to control our experience. It's pointing to our lack of trusting this moment of experience, an impulse to manipulate it. According to this definition, many things become intoxicants. Coffee, tea, chewing gum, sweet things. and even food.

[10:26]

We want to bring something in to tighten us down or to loosen us up, to pep us up or calm us down, to sharpen our mind and body or dull it. something to give us pleasure and take away pain, or at least take away pain, and that will be pleasurable. Whatever we use, whatever it is with that intention, we bring a poison in. We poison our Buddha nature. We don't trust that what we are is precisely Buddha.

[11:34]

We disrespect the insult by trying to fix this. No intoxication is to clearly observe whatever is occurring. It is to be completely resigned to what's happening with imperturbable peace and composure. Of course, there's a hierarchy of harm from different poisons, from things we make into poison by using them to insult ourselves. The great yogi, Rinpoche said, food is the best intoxicant.

[12:50]

All the intoxicants, that's the best. If you're going to intoxicate yourself, that's the best one. It's better than alcohol or nicotine. Those are much more harmful. But food can be an intoxicant. It can be an addictive substance. It can be something you abuse. Of course, you can also use your mind that way. and your eyes that way. You can bring things into your eyes, your ears, and your nose, and so on, too. One time I was visiting my old home, Minneapolis, and it was autumn. I hadn't seen an autumn for 25 years, a Minnesota autumn.

[13:56]

And since it's cold up there, cold weather brings out brighter colors than can be brought out in less cold places. But at that very moment that color comes out, if it rains or the wind blows, you miss it. Just a few moments there sometimes. But this particular autumn, there was sunny weather at the same time, but the leaves turned. So that turns in more intensely. And then, of course, the lights are on. And the wind didn't blow. And the whole week I was there, every day was just utter radiance. After six days of that, I actually said, I had enough. The sun can go away. It can start raining now. I had my fall. It was worth 25 years of waiting. I was really satisfied and happy to be able to see it.

[15:00]

And of course, not only did I see those colors, but I saw millions and millions of memories from my childhood. Raking leaves, burning leaves, playing football, and so on. Anyway, then it did rain. And as I was driving out in the countryside, in this beautiful countryside, even though it was raining, but it was still very beautiful, the green and yellow and red and brown and the gray sky. And I noticed, in my mind, a thought came up that still it would be a little better if the sun was out. It's very difficult not to lean into that little bit of adjusting the colors.

[16:03]

That doesn't seem like such a terrible thing to wish for a little sunlight. But there is a way of being that's so at peace that it actually really completely does not reach for anything. it is really happy with the gray sky. That's enough, and if that goes away, it's okay. If it lasts, it's okay. Because this is freedom. And not only that, but the consequence of playing around with the colors can be very severe. So we should lightly dismiss that simple human tendency to try to manipulate the situation. At its beginning it seems innocent, but it's not innocent.

[17:10]

Innocence is to not touch it at all. Innocence is to not even think of another color. As she said, I can't imagine anything else but this. So again, the conventional approach, or you might say the approach of individual effort to these precepts, would be to try to control our actions. For example, when I've noticed myself trying to turn the colors up a little bit on the autumn scene. Or if I try to raise, you know, lift my mind a little up, or calm it down a little bit.

[18:13]

Take a little coffee, but then I got a little too excited, so drink a little milk. This constant manipulation to try to stop that. To try to control the behavior. But in fact, the approach of individual effort to try to control our behavior as a way of practicing this precept is actually basically the definition of intoxication. The addictive attitude comes in to the way of practicing the precept of no addiction to substance abuse. However, We must acknowledge that whether we receive this precept formally, informally, or not at all, in fact, some of us are actually doing that very thing.

[19:16]

And we need to directly experience and fully experience the futility of this path of personal restraint. of certain harmful or unhealthy actions. It's necessary in order to... This approach, this aspect of the practice is necessary to fully understand its futility. If there is no impulse to bring something in to modify our state of body or mind, if there's no impulse to do so, then refraining or restraining is not an issue. The conventional approach to personal effort is not an issue. Control is not an issue.

[20:19]

On the other hand, if there is an impulse to turn away, to ignore our state of being, to modify it and so on, then also refraining or abstaining is not an issue. It's not an issue because refraining or abstaining are not possible, because you're not refraining or restraining. The impulse has already happened, and the devil of Although not completely successful, it has had a good day's work. It got me to take the most important step, the first one. Tomorrow, even if today you don't take the next step, tomorrow, if it can get you again to have the impulse

[21:23]

Basically, you're hooked. That's why I think it's really good for the people who practice the substance abuse therapies. At the meetings, they say, hi, I'm an alcoholic. Just not drinking does not mean they don't have the impulse to drink. And they admit, perhaps they still feel the impulse to drink. Therefore, they're an alcoholic. And they admit it. They admit. Admitting is different from trying to control yourself. They do try to control themselves after admitting it, though, which they have to do. But they know, I think, that they can't control themselves out of the impulse, that that has to be removed from some deeper place.

[22:35]

They understand that they have to go to a deeper place where the impulse comes from. And that place, nothing can be brought in. And nothing is desired to be brought in. But they admit. I'm still not there. I'm still not in complete union. I still want to bring something in. I still want to fix it a little bit. Therefore, I'm an alcoholic. Because that's what I use. Or I'm a junkie. Or I'm a whatever. Whatever I use. I should admit. But that's enough. No more control is appropriate, although you need to try it anyway to find out that it's futile.

[23:41]

If you don't try it, you'll think a little bit that maybe the work in there, you don't. I'm sure you have to try. Like my little brother, when it was time for him to go to college, I said, you don't have to go. Take my word for it. Just coming back to Zen with me. He said, I know I don't have to go, but I really don't know I don't have to go. I have to go and find out that I don't have to go. So he went and he found out that he didn't have to go. But he had to go and find out for himself. So we have to try. If you haven't verified this for yourself, that trying to control yourself is not going to work, you should admit that you're still doing it. And if you admit you're still doing it, you can see it's futile, and if you see it's futile for long enough, it will drop off. In that sense, we must admit that we need to go through this personal effort trip.

[24:49]

A friend of mine from long, you know, the early days of Zen Center, a lovely man, a big, strong, smart, talented man, became a junkie, became a heroin addict. And over the years, he would come to Zen Center, you know, as we say, strung out and asked me to help him get off the drug and start practicing again. And we would always do it. And he would live at Zen Center and get off and then get back on and leave or leave and get back on and come back. Round and round we did that. One time he said to me, you know, Rep, If you get up in the morning, we get up in the morning and wash our face and go to zazen and sit, and then after zazen we go out and look at the sunrise, we feel good.

[26:14]

We feel clean. We feel alive. We're happy Zen students. But when I look at the sun, I always think, It would be better if I had some heroin in me. Now my friend is in prison in Florida. or seven counts of rape and one of kidnapping. He was so clear and beautiful when he was upright.

[27:15]

But when he leaned into the drugs, he turned into a monster. And he would kill me. Just like for all the other precepts, the gate to the precept is being upright and entering the self-fulfilling awareness. And in the self-fulfilling awareness, study the precept. And the precept will tell you its secret, its beautiful, simple secret, just the way you understand.

[28:27]

So if we want to understand the precept, we first have to be upright in our situation. There is a beautiful, well, when you say beautiful, there is a sublime piece of music written by an Italian composer named Giovanni Battista Pergolesi. I don't know how old he was when he wrote this, maybe 20, because he died when he was 26. Anyway, this genius wrote this piece of music, and Christina gave me a copy of it. And the name of the piece is Staba Mata. It's Latin. It means mother stood. The mother that stood, her name was Mary.

[29:43]

And she stood. That's all she did. She would have done more if she could, but she couldn't. Her son was being tortured to death. Her anxiety and pain completely engulfed that hill that she stood on and she stood and he cried and she couldn't do anything and she stood and he hung

[30:52]

And they both had a hard time settling into their work. Even the man on the cross wiggled a little, had his moments of doubt, thought maybe it was a mistake that he was having the kind of experiences that he was having. But finally he realized that this was what was happening, and he might as well just stop meddling. And his mother did the same. Matter of fact, maybe she taught him what to do. So it's a wonderful piece of music where you can listen to the mother and the other women crying out from this position.

[32:05]

It doesn't mean you don't cry. It means you are present in this anxiety and you listen to it and you don't mess with it. This is not easy. It's just necessary. We're all doing it to some extent. But we must be thorough. We must give our whole being to it. We must give our sexual nature to it. We must give our hunger to it.

[33:09]

We must give anger to it. We must give everything of our being. Someone here just recently found himself in a kind of hell. Very down. Didn't know what to do. Practice wasn't working. Really depressed. Just down. No drugs to take. Just down. That's it.

[34:12]

That's all that was going on. That's all you had to work with. But then there was dinner. And some people came in. Some humans. With all kinds of little dishes and things. And he saw himself coming in all these different forms, as food, as people. And his mind, his thoughts, too, were like out there with the people. His thoughts and the food and the people were all just kind of the same thing. This is the self-fulfilling awareness. It opens when you are down, when you are down.

[35:15]

And that's it. It opens when you are up, when you are up, without trying to prolong. This person got a little bit of uprightness and got a taste of Buddha's mind, which of course makes you happy. Now, he was pretty good at being down when he was down, but at being up when he was up, he couldn't handle it. Not for very long. I don't know what he did, but anyway, maybe he wished it would last. This is not uprightness. Finally, I got here. Let's have some more. No, that's not uprightness. That's not how you got there. You didn't get there by doing something. You got there by not trying to do anything.

[36:19]

You got there by not having an imagination of something else as being possible. You were stupid enough to be depressed and not know anything else. And some people know something else. They're smart. It's a coffee machine. Drink enough coffee, things will change. Anyway, he was dumb, but he got smart when he got enlightened. So, of course, he lost it. He said to me, well, now what? I don't know what I said, but he said, well, then is it back to hell? And I said, yes, but upright, be upright in hell. be upright in hell. And it's not to get out of hell. It's not to get out of hell.

[37:24]

That's not the point, really. That's not the point. The point is for the Dharma to open up in hell. And the Dharma can open in hell or heaven or even in regular old human land. It can open anywhere if we just realize this very magnificent precept of no intoxication. The door to self-fulfilling awareness is uprightness. Self-fulfilling awareness is the awareness which is no intoxication, where you no longer try to put any poison in

[38:25]

And where you don't abuse substance means also, in the sense of the middle way, you don't abuse substance means you don't take substance and misuse it. You don't take substance and put it on life. You stop abusing substance. You stop putting essences on things. That's the end of intoxication. So we must continue to be upright even in no intoxication. You can't then, once you get there, just check out. You have to keep the practice going so even those who are liberated continue to practice even beyond release, to come back to the zendo. Nanchuan said, you must go straight into birth and death.

[39:47]

Dogen Zenji says, commenting on his precept, where nothing can be brought in, that is where everything is inviolable. We must be upright, open our eyes to the place that nothing the place where nothing is brought in. That place can never be tainted or violated. This is the great brightness. So my friend is in prison. At least there he can't get any drugs. Or I should say, usually when he gets in prison, he's done that before.

[41:18]

Usually when he gets in prison, he gets off drugs. And he's great in prison. He's great. He writes beautiful letters. He's grateful to everyone for their help. He tries to practice. Another friend of mine, beautiful man, He once was selling drugs in Hawaii and got put in prison in Hawaii. And while he was in prison, somebody gave him Zen Mind Beginner's Mind. And he read it and decided to practice. He came to Zen Center and he practiced. And he practiced very sincerely. He was a good monk. And he became a priest. And then he started, you know, trying to improve things again.

[42:19]

He started trying to make things more interesting and exciting again, and took cocaine, and then became a cocaine dealer. And of course, because he was a Zen priest, he was a very good cocaine dealer. He became present because he was so mindful and concentrated. Anyway, he finally came to the end and killed himself by putting poison in, poison called heroin. Another dear, sweet bee.

[43:22]

Saw a movie one time about a father and son in prison. They were innocent, too, both of them. And they were in the same cell. And the son started taking some drugs in prison with the other inmates. And his father got very upset. And so his son came back one night, stoned. Hi, Dad. Jumped to bed. His father turns back on him. And he said, what's the matter? Father said, I'm really worried about you. I'm really upset about you. You're ruining your life." The son said, Well, if I said that I would never take any more drugs for as long as you live, would that make you happy?

[44:50]

The father said, no. I want you to stop taking drugs even after I'm dead. The son said, OK. I won't take drugs anymore while you're alive. And even after you're dead, I won't take drugs. Now are you happy? The father said, yes. And when I heard that, I thought, that's how I feel. I'll be happy if people wouldn't take drugs even after I was dead. In other words, I don't want to take the precepts all by myself.

[45:57]

I don't want to practice by myself. I want everybody else to practice, even if I'm dead. I want this precept to be idiomatic. I want this precept to live on the streets of America. I want it to be cool to not take drugs. I want it to be cool to realize Buddha's mind and to not need this kind of stuff being brought in. I want it to be in. As part of that, I feel we need to acknowledge that beyond the harm that comes to the individual user, there is a concomitant disaster.

[47:19]

which puts the entire world at risk. I want us to hold up the dominant flag of this precept. announcing our vow to help all beings realize this precept. We need to find a way to skillfully bring up the message of this precept as our public service. By skillfully, I mean that we bring the issue to awareness in such a way that the maximum number of humans are encouraged and attracted to actually practicing it.

[48:36]

Sharing joyfully the study and practice of this precept with others can serve as a reminder of the almost inconceivable horror of mass violence and cruelty and immeasurable suffering that now arise with the use of these substances, that now arise from the impulse to modify our present experience. And in all this, hopefully regard against our own self-righteousness

[49:55]

that we remember that all of us have this impulse very close at hand. None of us are incapable of wishing to turn the sun any brighter or to lift our state or depress it a little bit. It's not a matter of superior or inferior. It's a matter of what's helpful What is helpful? We must not be narrow-minded or self-righteous about what might help. It might help to have a drink. It all depends on whether you're bringing something in, whether you're trying to manipulate your state, or whether you're trying to help in a place beyond satisfaction and dissatisfaction.

[51:28]

Thank you for helping me say what I had to say. Let me know if you want me to continue giving talks on these presets. There's some more. but they're already the same thing. It is one thing, Buddha's mind being reflected out with different dimensions of distraction. And each dimension of distraction from Buddha's mind is also a dimension of union with Buddha.

[53:15]

In our sense, the precepts show about how we lean away from our Buddha nature, not a sense that we roll back. We need to recognize both sides and become fluent with the process. So I'm very encouraged by the way you've been practicing in this practice period so far, and I hope you can continue steadfastly along the path that you've been walking. But even if there's no more of the practice period, for me it's already been a great honor to be here with you, just in case I don't come back.

[54:19]

Thank you very much.

[54:21]

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