We just recited a vow written by a Zen priest, a Zen monk, in the, like, 18th century, I think. And he's called Torei Zenji, which means Torei Zen Master. And yet he starts off by saying, when I, a student of the Dharma... So the Zen Master, this Zen Master, anyway, is a student of the Dharma. Did you hear the story about Maita Sahara? Which one? Which one did you hear? Did you hear it? Ah, yeah. So there's another one, which is, I was having dinner with a guest.

[01:12]

I mean, I was having breakfast with a guest. I sat down at the table with this woman, and she said to me, Are you a student here? And I said, Yes. And so we had breakfast together. And later, someone told her that I was the abbot. And she was so happy that when she asked the abbot if the abbot was a student, the abbot said, Yes. And I wasn't just being modest. I'm a happy student. I love to study. Student of the Dharma. Student of the teaching of the Buddhas. Student of reality. Yeah, it's so wonderful to still be really interested in studying the Dharma. I'm so happy that I am still interested. And I am so interested. So this morning I told you something I was interested in.

[02:18]

Namely, the early teaching that things have the marks of impermanence, ill, and not-self. And then, the later teaching is that some things are permanent. Some things are joyful. And some things are self, which is Buddha's enlightenment. Buddhas are like that. They're joyful and peaceful and permanent. Of course, Shakyamuni Buddha also has an impermanent body that died. But there's other realms of enlightenment that are permanent because they're the realization of the way things always are. And you have attended the first one-day sitting of the year 2020.

[03:25]

I kind of like that number, 2020. It reminds me of certain things. May this be a year of excellent vision for all of you. May you clearly see the truth of all things. And so this is the first one-day sitting of the year at the place where things don't abide. And from this non-abiding comes the appropriate response to the world. Yes? A theme. One theme is... I don't have one theme. One theme is... I think it's... A flower blooms in the withered tree. A flower blossoms in the withered tree is one theme.

[04:29]

It's the theme of the practice period that's going to start at Gringoltsch in about a week. And that refers to... The withered tree is like when discriminations kind of wither in the presence of great compassion. And then they're just sort of not getting in the way anymore. Then the flower of wisdom blooms when the discriminations are not held to so tightly. That's one theme. One theme. There's more, but that's one. You may hear more themes as the year moves on. Yes? I had a question about this morning.

[05:33]

You were talking about the person who's a really good person trying to stay a really good person to at least justify the life of that person. And then I believe you said that the treatment for that was something to do with that person. I don't know. Well, it's more like some people want to be a good person. And they're really afraid of being a bad person. Or some people want to be a good person. And even though they want to be a good person, they're still afraid that somebody else might think they're not a good person. Again, some mothers want to be a really good mother. And they want to really do good things for their baby. They really do. And they have this side issue. They don't want anybody to think they're not a good mother. Including they themselves don't want to consider that. They're afraid that they will think that they're a bad mother

[06:41]

or that someone else will. And then, in response to that fear, they maybe overdo their caregiving so that no one would ever say, so maybe no one would ever say you're not a good mother. Or certainly, they overdo their diligence so no one would ever say you're not diligent. They overdo their attention to the welfare of their child so no one would ever say, you're neglecting your child. And I think some people, no one ever says that about them. They avoided that. Like some people never drink. And they're really terrified that someone would think that they're an alcoholic. So they don't drink, but they overdo it. And maybe they hate other people who drink or whatever.

[07:46]

They overdo it. And nobody calls them an alcoholic, and they don't drink. But they have an addiction to avoiding, you know, being called into question around that. So be kind to the fear that you might not be a good person or that you might be unskillful or that people might think you're below average. Be kind to that, and that will protect you from being addicted to being a good person. Being a good person is okay. Being addicted to it is misery, to say the least. Not to mention what you might do if someone then by chance mentioned that you're not succeeding in your addiction to being a good person. Even like, I wonder if you're really a good person might be just too much for such a person. How dare you question me?

[08:47]

That happened to me a few times when I was doing something good and someone questioned me. And I noticed I got super angry. I just like turned into a pillar of flame. I was trying to help, you know. And then somebody sort of didn't appreciate, said, you know, questioned me. And I just like, you're questioning me? I'm the one that's here to help you. And one case I'm thinking of, I didn't really hurt anybody as a result of that because people could see the flames and they backed away. But I turned into just a super aggressive person. Actually, somebody was going to beat up one of my friends who was misbehaving because he was drunk. And he was, you could say, being disrespectful to this woman. And her husband or boyfriend came over and was going to beat my friend up.

[09:56]

And I was trying to explain to him, he's just drunk, you know. Please don't hit him. I was trying to prevent a fight between them. That guy would have got hurt too if he attacked my friend. But my friend would have hurt him and he would have hurt my friend. It just would have been a mess. And I was there to save the day, to protect them from each other. And then the guy turned on me. Turned on me? I'm the good guy here. I'm trying to protect you from my friend and my friend from you. It's just a big mess. I'm trying to protect everybody, including your girlfriend. And you questioned me? But that was the end of it. He stopped questioning and I didn't hurt anybody further. I scared some people. What happened with the anger? It hung around for a while. It was so huge, it took a long while for it to calm down. It was just tremendous.

[10:59]

Because with that anger comes this huge adrenaline rush, right? So I just turned into this basically monster. Which fortunately, nobody wanted to mess with it. So he didn't. And I just had to deal with this monstrous energy, this adrenaline that came from self-righteousness. Which is similar to self-protection, right? So yeah, we need to not be afraid that somebody, if you're trying to be helpful, not be afraid that somebody will question you. Be kind to the fear that you might not be skillful, you might not be doing good, people might question you. Be kind to the fear of all that and then you're in a good position, if you're kind to that, to whatever, you know,

[12:00]

to be a good person. To try. Does that make sense? Yes? What does being kind to your fear look like? Well again, there's a new book on that. Number one, be generous towards the fear. You have to like it, but let it be. Welcome it. Really like, thank you for dropping by, fear. You're welcome to be here. I'm not going to try to kill you, fear, or get rid of, eliminate you. I'm here for you. That starts there. Then now, after that's set, now let's be careful of it, because fear is, if you don't pay attention to it, you can trip up on it. So, we want to pay attention to it.

[13:00]

Don't deny it. Don't try to kill it. Don't try to get something other than the fear. Don't try to get more or less fear. And, you know, don't say bad things about it. Don't intoxicate yourself in relationship to it. Like a lot of people drink when they're, they get angry and then they drink. They get frightened and then they get angry and then they drink. A lot of people know that, like one person came to see me one time and he said, if I'm angry at you, I'm at risk of relapsing into alcohol and I got to come and tell you that I'm angry to help me like let go of it. And I listened to him and he told me what he was angry about and that was, he came back a few years later and did it again, got angry again. So him being angry, I think is related to him being afraid of something about me or himself. So if you can be kind to the fear,

[14:02]

then you might not slip into anger. And then be careful and kind and then be patient with the fear because fear is, you know, it's basic, it's our basic discomfort. That comes with our addiction. And, you know, that's the basic way of starting to get compassionate. And then practice enthusiasm about these practices, think about how good they are and keep refreshing your energy for compassion. And then you move on to concentration and wisdom. But that's a kind of compassionate way to relate to fear. And of course, fear comes so often, we have lots of opportunities to practice compassion. Yes? I wonder what you think I... I've had some recent experiences,

[15:04]

I think that's a good question. And I think before I can be compassionate or kind or patient, I feel like I have to freeze. I mean, because when anger comes up, there's a lot of energy and, you know, Did you... Did you say you feel like you have to freeze? Right, and you're saying you feel like you need to stop. Don't move. Yeah, so... And I would say... Well, the thing is... There's another way which isn't really saying stop,

[16:09]

which is saying remember stillness. So remembering stillness does not mean stop. Stop, I would say stop is another thing to practice compassion towards. You may feel like you have to say stop, but really that may be actually just another thing to be compassionate to. That's not actually... Stop is not necessarily compassionate. It may be better to stop than to act on the anger, or whatever. That may be better, but in a way... Yeah, I'm recommending... I'm fine with remembering stillness, which helps you be there with it, and then apply the compassion. Yeah, okay. Should we move on then? All right. Yes? What would I want to do now?

[17:13]

I don't know. I might do the same thing, but what I want to do... If I see that, okay, here I am. I'm going to protect all beings in the parking lot. This was in a parking lot, outside of a restaurant. Me and my drunk friend. I was not drunk. My friend was drunk. Here we are. We're going to go into this restaurant. So I would aspire to protect my friend and everybody in the parking lot. That's what I'm doing here. And also be aware that I might be at risk of being self-righteous, since I'm doing such a good thing here. So here we are, moving across the parking lot, or moving across the world. I'm trying to protect beings, and I'm at risk of being self-righteous. So watch out for that. And then, you know, that's how I start.

[18:15]

And then if I get... If someone interacts with me in such a way that they question my righteousness, then I know, okay, if they question my righteousness and I'm self-righteous, I'll probably have some reaction to that. And if I have a reaction to it, I say, oh, I'm self-righteous. Rather than, they question my righteousness, and I go, thank you for your question. That's what I would like to do, is, you know, thank you for questioning me. You know, I'm sorry if I was... I'm sorry for me and my friend. Thank you. And I apologize for any disrespect towards your girlfriend or you. But that's after I maybe didn't get all self-righteous about him, you could say,

[19:17]

questioning me or accusing me of doing something inappropriate. That's what I would like to do. Thank you. Another story that comes to my mind is, right down the hill here, towards the highway, there's a thing called 7-Eleven. It's been there for me. There's this business called 7-Eleven on Highway 1, between here and the highway, the big highway. Everybody's seen 7-Eleven probably, right? You ever gone in there? I haven't been in there for a while. I used to go in there and buy It's It's. But now I don't go in there anymore. Anyway, one time, I don't know, maybe I was buying an It's It,

[20:18]

and I was wearing my robes. And I think before or after I bought the It's It, I was getting into my car, and a woman, I think, was getting into her car, getting out of her car. I don't remember which. But anyway, there was a woman there, and I looked at her, and I think she said, what are you looking at? So maybe I looked at her in a, not in a sufficiently respectful way, which was probably not to look at her. Anyway, she says, what are you looking at? And then her partner, her boyfriend, kind of also appeared, and then he said basically the same thing, but much more fiercely. Maybe he just said, again, what are you looking at? Or something like that. But very fiercely. And I think the self-righteousness came up.

[21:20]

Like, I didn't do anything. What are you treating me like that for? And then I thought, if I would do anything now, it would really be amazing. I have my robes on, right? If I would say anything or do anything, it would really be big news. For me to get in some kind of a, I don't know what, with this man with my robes on. So I don't know, I think I probably said something like, sorry, and got sat down. Robes are good for that, I guess. Yeah, robes help you realize that certain things are really inappropriate. And they might be inappropriate even if you didn't have the robes on, but with the robes on, it's like, whoa, no way. That would really be silly, to get in an argument with somebody in a parking lot of, it's it.

[22:24]

But there was something, when they both had this strong reaction to me looking in their direction, there was something came up in me, some defensiveness. And yeah, and like, well, that's that. There's nothing to do about this. Doing anything about this is like, not appropriate. No way. Really ridiculous. Well, thank you for a lovely day again. And as they say, it's a lovely day today for doing things by two. Rope 10. But if today is not a day for doing things by two, well, it's a lovely day anyway. Thank you very much.

[23:15]

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