December 11th, 2011, Serial No. 03916
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Yesterday in the sitting before lunch I entered and saw the assembly sitting. The room was truly filled with great upright effort. I give thanks for this amazing fruit of practice. This is the bliss body of Buddha. the way we have been able to be supported by each other and support each other in the essential working of the Buddha way.
[01:09]
The way we support each other, the way we are inseparable and interdependent is inconceivable. The way we are separate is conceivable. As a matter of fact, the way we are separate is just a misconception. The way we are not external to each other is inconceivable. The way we are external is delusional. Delusion is the way we're external to each other.
[02:46]
Lu Pu's first teacher, first Dharma teacher, was the great Lin Ji. honored as the founder of the Rinzai school, the Linji school. He famously taught, you meet the Buddha on the road, kill it. Kill the external Buddha. He didn't say, if you meet the Buddha inside, kill that one too. Buddha is not something in front of us. Buddha is not external.
[03:58]
And the way that's so is inconceivable and ungraspable, but we can enter the realm of the inconceivable Buddha Dharma If we are kind to everything we meet, if we are kind to the dharmas before us, we may enter the realm where there are no dharmas before us. Shan's second teacher auspiciously gave him the same teaching and as he was about to die with all his remaining strength and compassion he invited his group to play with him around this teaching.
[05:06]
intimately play. Buddha is the ungraspable shared of all living beings. Lu Pu, the head monk, and the elder, Yansong, wholehearted together. And thus, the Buddha Dharma is transmitted. And the play is sometimes very difficult. It's so subtle, constantly changing, challenging us to be wholehearted and not grasp in the game.
[06:35]
Buddha does not play alone. Sentient beings, some sentient beings, can learn to play alone. They can meet another sentient being who is playing, and in the overlap, in the shared play space, Buddha is realized. The Dharma lives in the ungraspable shared space of wisdom. but it's very subtle, dynamic to the extreme, ungraspable.
[08:06]
As we approach the place where Buddhas play with Buddhas, we can do a great deal of good. But when we enter that realm, there is no obstruction and the greatest good is realized. But just at that moment, even though that good pervades past and future, it's still impermanent and requires continuous practice. may we learn to give ourselves completely in such a way that we can give ourselves completely again and again.
[09:34]
Sometimes we don't give ourselves Sometimes we give ourselves too much. We are not ready to give ourselves completely in the next moment. Once upon a time I pretended to be an abbot of a Zen center and I was in the mountains having breakfast in a monastery
[12:57]
in a dining room for guests of the monastery. And a female guest at the table with me asked me if I was a student in the monastery. And I said, yes. I don't remember exactly what happened after that, but at some point that I was pretending to be the abbot.
[14:02]
And when she heard that, she was very happy. I told her I was a student. She asked me if I was a student, and I said yes. I'm very happy to be a student of the Buddha Dharma, a student of Zen, even though I do not know what it is. I can still try to eat it and sleep it and dance with it, even though I do not know what it is.
[15:18]
It's who I truly am and it's not me. Everywhere I go, I meet it. I'm so fortunate to be able to play with this ungraspable reality. I don't know, it's inconceivable to me why, how, I'm so fortunate to see it all day long. Even in my dreams, I should say, in my dreams, my dreams awake and my dreams awake. Zen comes to play with me. What could be finer?
[16:29]
There's no end to this play. This is not our last chance. We will continue this playful Buddha until all beings enter the Buddha way. Thank you for coming to play. Now temporarily enter nirvana. Just regular nirvana.
[17:44]
Not pari nirvana. The doors of the shop are open. Guests are welcome. Also hosts of guests are welcome. Good morning.
[19:09]
Welcome. Thank you. I've come to play, and I'd like to ask everybody to help me play. I hear you. Can you hear me? Yes. Yes. Good. Okay. Before I start the play, there's an introduction. I've noticed that there are some forms developing around coming forward that are different from what we used to do. And I stuck with the old way, as I'm finding bowing a little challenging. Although all the bowing last night was quite helpful. It's okay. This part was not important, really. I noticed some new forms developing about approaching the teacher during Sashin, and I didn't take it. But I wanted to offer or propose another form, and I wanted to ask everybody to help me with it. So if I say mic check, does everybody know what to do?
[20:14]
Okay, let's do it again. Mic check. Mic check. Mic check. Okay. Now I'm going to stand up. Yeah. All right. This time I really want you to do it. This time I really want you to do it. You know, the forum developed because they didn't have a mic. But I think... Okay. But I'm going to... Okay. If Yansung had an attendant to speak for him... having the attendant to speak for him. That attendant would be a wooden goose. That attendant would be a wooden goose. Host and guest are not in the words. Host and guest are not in the words. The upright spine is the straight hook. The upright spine is the straight hook.
[21:19]
The sitting body, the live bait. The sitting body, the live bait. Wriggling and squirming, squealing in pain. Wriggling and squirming and squealing in pain. Eat me. Don't eat me. Eat [...] me. The golden fish does not nibble wooden birds. The golden fish does not nibble wooden birds. Above the hidden waters. Above the hidden waters. A boat full of solitary sober women and men. A boat full of solitary sober women and men. Ready to sail. Ready to sail. Free the creek. Free the creek.
[22:21]
Free the creek. I was hoping to have something to follow for form, so that was helpful, actually.
[23:33]
First, I want to tell you how grateful I am to you and to Carolyn and this entire Sangha for the conceptual construction. And wow, it's been quite a journey. It's been quite a journey. Quite a journey. Quite a journey, yes. Well, congratulations. Yes. Congratulations. Many things. Thank you. You really wholeheartedly participated. Thank you. So I do feel a little heart pounding and just looking at what that is for me. I'm not quite sure. But I've been very excited. I had two things I came up here with. One was a poem that came this morning. Would you like to sing it to her? I kind of did. I was going to ask if you would repeat it. I don't know if I want to turn out.
[24:36]
Is it okay if I keep facing you? Okay. Good. It comes the way it came in. And so I'm going to say a line, and then would you say it after me, whoever wants to? Yes. Thank you. Okay. It's called Close. It's called close. It's called close. It's called close. In the not too distant now. In the not too distant now. Beyond the restlessness, the yawns, the coughs. The restlessness, the yawns, the coughs. Once the busy robes, wait, don't go yet. Once the busy robes flapping like flags rest. Once the busy robes flapping like flags rest.
[25:41]
And a steady stillness settles in. And a steady stillness settles in. Near where the first ripple sets out. Then swells, then crests, then breaks. Finally disappearing into the sand without a trace. Neither there. Nor not there. Nor not there. Thank you. That was fun. I enjoyed that. Okay. Woo! So, that lingers, and I've been working with it here and there when I'm not thinking, thinking, not thinking.
[26:48]
that I still feel like I'd like to hear you respond to is what does this core teaching thing before the eyes, there's no thing before the eyes. There is only mind before the eyes. What benefit is that to the practice of loving kindness in your role as husband and father and grandfather? it makes the practice of loving-kindness unobstructed. It removes the obstructions to the practice which leads to its realization. And after its realization, the practice rolls forward continuously, effortlessly. The effort becomes effortless and more and more continuous and non-exhausting.
[27:53]
Before that, before understanding this teaching, the practice can be, you know, have big gaps in it. After understanding this, The practice of understanding is fully functioning. And all the Buddhas in ten directions cannot measure the merit of it. There's a little more there for me. Can I speak up? Not quite, a little more. Can I say, yeah, can I ask? I think I'm being too literal.
[28:59]
Can you imagine you telling your granddaughter that she's not there? I don't say that to my granddaughter. Actually, I don't say anything to my granddaughter. Yeah, lucky girl, she doesn't have words in her head yet, which is awesome. And my grandson, I... I don't very often say anything to my grandson about this but I did say recently I brought him a bicycle I drove a bicycle down to Southern California for him and gave it to him and this was before and I said how do you feel about this sister coming into your life and he said she's not going to ride this bicycle. And I said, by the time she's old enough to ride the bicycle, you'll be in college, probably.
[30:10]
And he said, I still won't want her to ride it. I said, but the person won't be you. And he said, that's totally incomprehensible to me. So I don't very often say anything like that. However, he goes to Green Gulch and he sees the young men and women working in the fields. He loves them and wants to be like them. And since they practice sitting, and they're interested in Suzuki Roshi, he asks me questions about Suzuki Roshi. And so I tell him, but I don't teach him this teaching. This teaching is for adults, and he's not an adult yet. This teaching is for bodhisattvas. This teaching is for people who want to live for the welfare of others.
[31:19]
with what others are going to do for them, who are not concerned about people liking them or disliking them. They're only concerned about the welfare of others. And for people like that, we have this. Those people who live for others need a teaching like this so that they don't think that others are separate from them. and so that they can really serve them. But he's not an adult yet. He is concerned with what people are doing for him. He's finding out that people are doing a lot for him. So much so that someday he's going to be interested in what he can do for them. And he's getting it a little bit. Occasionally there's these amazing breakthroughs where he actually thinks of doing something for somebody. And when he kind of realizes that that's his happiness, then he say, maybe say, granddaddy, I'm ready for the teaching.
[32:33]
And that will be a day that I will enjoy. Don't say anything like that to him, except that thing about the little point about that he wouldn't be the same person. But, you know, it would probably be quite a while before I'll say anything like that again. So I've been giving bodhisattva teachings in this session, in this practice period. Teachings for great beings to help them do their great work of serving all beings, which a lot of people here seem to be up for, which is wonderful, right? So, if I meet the Buddha outside, I'll kill him.
[34:07]
Thank you. But if I meet the Buddha inside, why should I let him live? Why should you let him live? Yes. Kill him too. Why didn't Lin- He did, but people crossed that part out. The way he said it makes a better bumper sticker. It is a bumper sticker, right? What does inside mean? What does inside mean? Inside means you think it's inside. What you think is inside is all there is to inside. There's no other inside. the idea inside. Inside and outside are just conscious constructions. And there is the constant production of these things that are not really there aside from construction.
[35:17]
You're not inside me, you're not outside me. you are inconceivably me. Just thought of a new salutation. Inconceivably yours. Don't get any ideas. Yesterday you invited people to come and play.
[36:37]
And you played with people. And I so badly wanted to come and play with you. But I got scared. And I kept thinking, I'll get up now. I'll get up now. I'll get up now. And then you picked up your curved stick. It probably has a name that I don't know. What's it? That one you had the other day with all the carving? Wow. That was awesome. That was awesome. So you picked it up and so there was no time to come play with you. And I felt really sad. I didn't come forth that I allowed my fear and my not knowing to hold me back. And I looked at ways that I do that in my life, have done that in the past, and ways that I sometimes jump forward like a three-year-old, probably inappropriately, because I'm so scared to come forth that it's like I have to do it quick before anybody stops me.
[37:55]
So today when Catherine came up to me, okay, I'm going to play. So I stood up and walked back and got in line. And it was wonderful to stand in the back and feel my feet on this old floor and feel all the feet across that spot on the floor where my feet were standing And feel all the energy of the practice in this temple. And watch you play. And my body relaxed. And I realized that maybe I do know how to play. I think I was scared to come because I had a story that you have to do things right and that it's all very serious.
[38:59]
And throughout this week, I've been watching the ways that some people do things deeply rooted in their practice, in their heart, but not deeply serious. It'll play deeply rooted in compassion. It's very different from the kind of play that pokes at people, that tries to stand on top of other people's heads. That maybe there's a play that comes from joy and love and a lightness and spirit of being. So I stood him back and watched you play. Came to play with you. And to thank you.
[40:05]
This is my first session. Congratulations. Thank you. You did really well. I tried hard. This is the greatest experience I've ever had in my entire life of the culinary art. Of the what? The culinary art. Well, the culinary art. Yes. I want to I am deeply grateful to the cook and also the whole experience was dependent on it being an oreo key service and that the involvement of a lot I thought about it and I thought you really can't do oreo key with just a few people you can't do Don't get too close to it. Okay. You can't do karaoke with just a few people.
[41:55]
You need a really large gathering. I was trying to figure out what's the minimum number. You can do it with a small number, but it's difficult. Yeah. And so it really was all of us who created this amazing experience of eating, including me who washed dishes and put the food away. many past generations who developed this practice. It was just a very... It wasn't something I expected or wanted or came for, but it was an incredible experience. We're very happy to hear this. Yes. I want to thank everyone at Green Gulch who gave this gift to us. And everybody in China and Japan. Yes, that's right. That's right. Thank you.
[42:55]
Thank you. I have a question that I would like to ask the shiso. OK. Shiso, what have you enjoyed the most about meeting the other students for tea?
[44:05]
It's hard to say most. I enjoyed meeting all the students. It was relaxing and warm and illuminating and The cookies were great. Thank you, Benji. So it's just a wonderful way to help people a little bit, and I wish I would have had more time, a longer period, than just the few minutes we had together. Thank you. Is there anything else that you would like to add? It gave me, it was a great support to me, and I hope it was a support to them. And they had, some of them had some very interesting and wonderful ideas.
[45:18]
The Dharma, and I was grateful to receive those. She said, I just wanted to tell you that your practice has been a tremendous support to me, and I thank you. That's fine. Thank you. I've been pestered by one of the characters from a story from two days ago.
[46:47]
It's about the demoted advisor to the emperor. I don't know if that's right. And the one who left. Demoted. Well, actually, yeah, demoted advisor to a king. To a king. Mm-hmm. And as he left, he said, everyone else is polluted. I'm the only pure one. Well, first he got kind of like demoted and then he was walking along the Milo River and he saw a fisherman and he said, you know, only I am sober. Everybody else is drunk. Everybody else is polluted and I'm the only one who's pure. And then he threw himself in the river. So as I reflect on him throwing himself in the river, I think about the boatman and how he capsized his boat, but it was after completion.
[47:58]
And I write about that in an odd way, even though I liked the boatman. Yeah, I liked the boatman too. However, this advisor, he felt sanctimonious to me. I didn't like him, and I felt bad when he threw himself in the river. I think many of us, some of us don't like him, and some of us love him but feel sorry because we see that his sense of personal purity and personal soberness excluding other beings from his purity, this is the saddest situation. Well, it's about equally sad to exclude others from our impurity. So, I may be impure, but there's nobody from my impurity.
[49:01]
I may be pure, It doesn't belong to me. Everybody supports me in my purity and impurity. This is the happy state. But if I'm pure, if I'm good and they're evil and they're separate from me, this is a sad situation and so I'm just going to want to throw myself in the river because this is a horrible way to go. Try to start over. whereas a very happy camper. And he went to play with the mermaids. His swimming activity was a bodhisattva activity. We don't know where he went and what he did from there on. But really, really, where he went was jashan,
[50:08]
lupu, and us. That's the boatman. He's living here today in the joy and encouragement that his life transmitted to the present generation of people who aspire to the bodhisattva path. That's really where he is. That's where he's swimming. That's where he's rowing his boat over the rough waters So the boatman didn't say he was pure. As a matter of fact, he said, I'm kind of lazy, you know. I'm just going to get some simple job like rowing a boat. You guys go do that Zen master thing. But I do feel and I would like to give somebody what our teacher gave me. So if you have somebody... That would be easy. Send me some real easy student.
[51:11]
And I'll just, you know, I'll finish him off. So we, yeah, so the Bowman's great, and he didn't think he was better than anybody else. And, yeah, I think moral superiority is not moral authority. It's the opposite. Moral equality, moral appreciation of others is moral authority. Or appreciations of other people's justness, that's real authority. The Buddhas have this ability. Bodhisattvas are trying to learn it. Chu Yuran was a sad guy and so, so it's a sad story. Thank you.
[52:18]
You're welcome. I would like to share my understanding of the story. Not as written, however. That's a good understanding. Well, I think that the... The understanding of the story is not.
[53:19]
So go for it. Okay, thank you. Hand it over. I think the boat of compassion is a mistake. I think the boat is the body and oars are compassion and wisdom. And... The sun confirmed you. Thank you. And when the, well, hopefully one learns how to be skillful with the oars, but when the water is rough, you have to tuck the oars in and guard them. But as you become more skillful, perhaps you can, you know, weather more storms. But the wooden duck is useless because it's a nation. And the boat, I'm not sure whether I said this or not, but I believe that the boat is the body.
[54:32]
You said that already. Did I? Okay. You can say it over and over if you want. Okay. But I'm thinking that the boat is no longer before my eyes. When I am... when I realize the emptiness of the boat, then I will become a golden fish. I'm wondering, what do you think is the What is the true nature of the golden fish? Is it empty also?
[55:33]
The true nature of the golden fish is the same nature as the sad world. self-righteous minister. Same to nature. But by compassion towards being a self-righteous minister, one understands and one becomes and realizes the golden fish. As you said, Earlier you mentioned that the boatman was nearby in Muir Beach.
[57:11]
Pardon? You mentioned the boatman was nearby in Muir Beach. Yeah. So I went for a swim and he came to play. Great. And he told me to tell you that he loves you and he appreciates you and your practice and all of you are practicing sailors. Thank you. Thank you for the message. I'm glad you survived the water. All right, Lupu, you're about to croak.
[58:12]
So pose me your question I've come to face. I share your joy with my death. What's the question you have that you want to pose before you go? Will you play with me forever? Well, that was a long pause. Sure I will. Yeah, sure I will. Yeah. And will you play with all sentient beings forever? Of course. Okay, I can die now. Happily. Well, let's go back to the story.
[59:20]
That's a perfectly good play area. What was Lu Po's question that came from his master? What was his question that came from his master? His question that came from his master was, Before the eyes there are no things. There is no Dharma before the eyes. Mind is before the eyes. It's not within the reach of eyes. And then Lu Pu said, which is host and which is guest? I think that that's a crazy question at this time.
[60:27]
I mean, why don't you ask if the monastery is solvent or if we have enough firewood for winter instead of giving a question that's a crossword puzzle? Was what you just said your answer to my question? I have more. But as an old man who's had a full and hard life, for you to be asking that question at this moment strikes me as, why don't you see that You're supported. I don't see that I'm supported.
[61:33]
I understand that I'm supported, but I don't see how I'm supported. I just see something before my eyes which is not how I'm supported. But I believe I'm supported. I do, I do, I do. I believe you're supporting me. But I don't know how. But the question seems to ask for proof of what will follow in your footsteps. If I answer the question properly, give you an answer that strikes you as profound or what, I don't know, but... Yeah, it does seem that way, doesn't it? It does. But that's not supported. That's just how it looks in front of my eyes. Dharma is not how it looks. But it does look that way, I agree, out in front. And we have to play with that in order to actually take care of this transmission, which is not in the words.
[62:50]
But the words do look like somebody's trying to get some profound answer. I agree. I keep thinking of Yung Kong. And the lady asked yesterday, who said, look at him. He didn't want to answer because he thought, don't pose that kind of a question right now. You're dying. And we love you. But I know, too. Yeah, she said that. But the meaning is not in her words. But her words are good. But the meaning is not in those words that she said. And the meaning is not in her idea of this story. The meaning is what comes when we're kind to the words and don't attach to them. I want to tell you who's host and who's guest.
[63:59]
Which phrase is host and which is guest? I've been waiting for this. Uh-huh, uh-huh. I write all through a crew of phrases. You're the guest of this earth, this sweet earth. And it's about to take you back. The sky is the host. The sweet earth too. And for all your phrases and all your puzzles and all your work, now that you leave it, you can't imagine where you're going or what you will do, who will receive you. And you're going to yourself and you've always been yourself. You are yourself.
[65:05]
And we are you and you are us. And those are just words. They're words. They're good words. Yes. Yes. Thank you for leaping into the precipitous streets. All right. Good morning. Did you come to play? I definitely came to play. Great.
[66:09]
Um, I, uh, I wanted to ask, I, well, I wanted to say that, uh, thinking of Suzuki Roshi's passing, which is always brought up during the Rohatsu Sesshin, and, uh, I wondered if you wept, you know, if you were sitting during sesshin, or, you know, did you... I wondered, people who were... It must have been a moving event. I couldn't hear all that you said. Can you start again, maybe a little louder? Rehatsu sesshin? Yeah. I can see how you get used to this. A very moving event with Suzuki Roshi's passing annually.
[67:11]
Each time I try and imagine what it must have felt like to have your teacher pass away and be sitting upright doing this practice, which one's teacher inspired one to do. What struck me most deeply was the authenticity of the tears, that they didn't come according to expectation of when they would come. I was really struck by that, that some of the close students were not crying and were quite relaxed. And some were crying bitterly. And that the tears came, you know.
[68:15]
Yeah, the tears came at surprising times. For me, the tears came before he died. when he announced that he was, that he had cancer. You know, I stood and looked into the mirror in my room. You know, my room number 10, which is next to his. I looked in the mirror and I was looking at myself crying and I said, why are you crying? And it just felt so wonderful and I didn't know where it was coming from. The timing totally surprised me. And then at times when you might think it would come, they didn't. It was marvelous.
[69:28]
You know, each person had their own way. And for many people it was not sad. That wasn't what it was. It was something else. And for some people it was sad. A wide variety of individual responses. And people came one by one that day. to his room where he was laid out and offered incense and bowed. And each person was so different and it was just such a beautiful moment. And the pattern, it really felt like people were really being authentic in their relationship with him. And the story goes on. Here, every day, it goes on.
[70:45]
But I felt, you know, quite early in the process that he had to go for us to grow up. And we seemed so young and not ready, but somehow It seemed like he couldn't stay around until we were ready for him to leave. That wasn't the way he was going to go before we're mature, so that we can mature. It would have been wonderful for him to live many more years. And of course we would have matured in some other way, but the way we matured was when we were too young to be without him and yet that was the way it has been and for me it was like he went before I went with him you know I never got to have a really hard conversation
[72:08]
like Lu Pu and Yan Song had. And he told me we would have one like that someday, but we never had it. It got tough, but then later it did. And now it's tough. It's getting tougher and tougher. So maybe I won't leave too early. So people can have a really hard time. Thank you for sharing those recollections. And thank you for creating these tough situations with us. Living as long as you have. I guess I would ask you if you'd comment on how we're doing this project here.
[73:23]
Well, I hesitate to say that, for example, you're not making it tough enough for me. I apologize. No, I hesitate to say that. I'm not saying that. I hear it. And although I didn't say it and you did hear it, it's true. I'm so sorry. And maybe someday you won't be sorry anymore. Maybe you'll feel like making it tough for him. How could I possibly make it tough for you? Well, how could I make it tough for you? If I made it tough for you, it might be tough for me. But I haven't been able to make it. Yeah. That deserted boat swamped in moonlight.
[74:29]
I'm there. Well, the way you're having a hard time is not tough for me. So I'm not suggesting you do that, but I'm glad to hear that it's tough for you. I'm happy to hear that. Yes? May I go on? That's the point? Yeah. Are you going to? I'm going on. It's happening. This... This making it tough for one another. Someone said Dharma combat and that didn't quite resonate with me. It doesn't feel like Dharma combat. We are... We're what? Pushing the loom and shuttle back and forth? I think being playful is the criterion. The interaction is one where
[75:35]
There's no end to the interaction. We keep getting off track and making mistakes, but that's part of the game. And we're not trying to win. We're trying to realize reality without any winning. But it's difficult. It's so subtle. It's difficult. And it welcomes all difficulty to see if we can play with all difficulty. All beings in precipitous straits can learn to be playful and relaxed and understand reality in the most difficult situations. But part of the reason why I asked Suzuki Roshi about not having difficulty was because I noticed that other people did have difficulty.
[76:54]
And I heard about difficulty in many Zen stories. So I wondered, was I missing something? And he didn't say yes, he just said, we will have difficulty eventually. There will be precipitous straits. So I'm glad to hear you're already in them. He never told me. Thank you. I'm glad you're challenged. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Companion means to break bread together with bread, pani.
[78:42]
Will you honestly say whether I'm your companion? Do you honestly want me to say, if you're my companion? Please don't. Please don't say it. I'm so happy I didn't fall for that question. I've been... see a lot of wooden geese, many, many wooden geese.
[79:52]
And I've been gratefully letting them go. I recognize, there's another one. Oh, there's another one. Lu Pu, such a helpful, helpful thing to say. And one of the wooden geese, I was going to ask you to join me to sing a song of our native land. What is it? Is it come canto? There's companion. Is there come canto? Come canto? Yeah. Sing with? With singing? Oh, come canto. Yeah. Cantare. Okay. I'd be happy to sing with you.
[80:56]
Okay. It's a song from our childhood. It starts out. From the land of sky blue waters, waters. From the land of pies, lofty balsams, comes the beer refreshing. The beer refreshing. I think this part is a beaver pounding a log. Thank you. Wow, that's the one I was going to sing. After the one I thought you were going to sing. What did you think I was going to sing? I thought you were going to sing something like Minnesota, hats off to thee.
[81:59]
True, we shall ever be firm and strong. United are we. For the U of M. I thought that's a one year. And then I was going to follow it up with, from the land of sky blue waters. Thank you. Thank you. So I didn't have to say if she was my companion or not, but there were goose bumps.
[83:05]
But of course. Thank you very much.
[83:33]
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