Yeah, I had a question about the concept of anatman or no self. Yes. And I just really want to hear, re-hear what it is and then how it's related to clinging. Well, it's related, one way to rephrase this sense of separation is that we think that what we're looking at exists out there on its own We imagine it has a self, a substantial existence. And Buddhist meditation in the ancient times plus modern neuroscience points out that what we're looking at, like right now what I'm looking at is my brain's construction of you, which is actually like, it doesn't look at all like you, but I can interpret it as, you know, a young man or something like that.

[01:06]

So I'm actually looking at my mental representation, but it looks like my mental representation looks like there's something that is out there separate from me. So it looks like you have a self and then I think I also have a self. So Anatman's saying that it's not denying that appearance. It's just saying that you actually can't ever find the substantiality of any separate being or any external things do not substantially exist externally. Yeah. And of their own self. And of their own self. If they did, you could cling to them. Right. But in fact, when they look like they can be grasped, we can't, we do. And then that causes, the grasping causes a

[02:09]

a warping or a distortion or constriction in our existence which gives rise to pain and then we act to try to do something about that which just perpetuates the process. And of course sometimes even aside from perpetuating the process it causes harm right away. Like we sometimes try to hurt the thing which we think is separate from us. or we try to hold on to it. So then we try to get possessive of other people and animals and physical things and then struggle with people. That's why generosity is kind of first aid to that sense of grasping. Thank you for your question. Yes, you want to come sit up here? Could you pull that cushion over here? My question is actually, I have two questions.

[03:18]

Maybe it's the same question. One is more emotional. When I'm trying to visualize the world without separation, without definition, who are you, who am I, where is the table, where is the floor, I get anxious. And the world without separateness seemed to me pretty frightening. The world without separateness seems frightening. Yeah. Yeah. So separateness seemed to me important. Separateness seems important? Yeah. It is important. It's very important. But if you believe in it, it causes suffering. And also, even while you're believing it, you still can be afraid. Right. So if you imagine that there isn't any, you might feel afraid, a lot of people would. But also when you believe that there is, then you're afraid of those things you think are separate. For example, if they're not liking you or asking you for something that you don't feel you can give to them because they're separate.

[04:26]

So either way, imagining that there isn't, when you imagine that there isn't, actually it looks like that imagination of isn't is out there too. If you would imagine that there wasn't any separation and you didn't feel separate from that imagination, you wouldn't be afraid. But how do you do that? Well, the way you learn how to imagine not separation without separating the image of not separation is by being kind to the image of separation. And And also many people feel separate from somebody and they feel anxious about that separation and they either want more distance from what they feel separate from or less distance. In other words, they feel aversion or greed to bring things closer than they actually are at the moment.

[05:28]

So that leads to more suffering. So the medicine for this is to notice the sense of separation. Not to imagine that there isn't any because that's kind of a... unless you're just imagining that as a gift. But it's kind of a... I wouldn't recommend a gift. Start by trying to be generous towards the sense of separation. And you don't have to imagine not separation, all you need to do is understand that separation is just insubstantial. You don't have to take it away, because all you're taking away is taking a false conception away. But taking a false conception away is another false conception. So taking away, trying to get rid of it isn't usually recommended. What's recommended is to actually fully embrace it with compassion. And if you fully embrace it with compassion then you can be calm with it and flexible with it and then you can understand that it cannot be found and you can't grasp anything.

[06:38]

So usually we don't recommend imagining space in this regard There are certain meditations of imagining space but I think those practices of imagining space are not usually recommended until you are well grounded in giving, ethics and patience and concentration. Then you can imagine space or a lack of separation and then you can deal with that with concentration. Plus if fear comes you can deal with the fear. But just to flat out try to imagine it without the background or the basis of compassion and concentration is not necessarily a good idea. So even in the present moment, without going to the future, how is it like? It's having compassion for losing the mind, in a way.

[07:40]

Having compassion for losing the mind, or having compassion for the thought of losing the mind, but also having compassion for the fear of losing the mind. So, the Buddha actually teaches that, you know, one could lose one's mind. One can lose one's health. one can lose one's self, life. One can lose one's livelihood. One can lose one's good reputation. So, being aware of the potential loss of these things, or even if you don't say loss, just the fact that these things would change, you don't have to see them as losses, but just simply the They cease, but it's not a loss. You can see it that way. But still, being aware of this potential ceasing of life, health, good reputation, livelihood, and mental area of mind, being aware of that possibility, sobers us.

[08:47]

Not being aware of it, we tend to get intoxicated by these things. So life isn't intoxicating unless you don't remember that it's impermanent. Youth isn't intoxicating in itself, it's just that if you don't remember it's impermanent, then youth can be intoxicating. As we see, a lot of people are intoxicated by youth So they do these weird things in relationship to youth. Either they abuse it in others or they try to make themselves younger than they are. Because they're intoxicated by it. So they go to these extreme measures to hold on to youth as though it could be held on to. So being aware of the impermanence of our life sobers us up and makes it easier for us to practice compassion.

[09:51]

Should I be generous with myself and ask the other part of the question? You can be generous with yourself, yes. Go ahead. It was generous of you to ask. The other side of this question is, Why evolutionarily we developed all those separate feelings like jealousy and envy and greed? What is it in the human condition that needed that to happen? Well, I wouldn't say that the human condition needed it because I think in ancient times there were living beings who were... maybe didn't feel like people were so separate. But those beings maybe didn't, what is it, didn't kill off their competitors. Because, you know, but they had a human life, they had a life, or even perhaps a human life.

[10:58]

But, and they were fine, it's just that they didn't get a chance to reproduce. If you look in certain societies, the people who have the most spouses are the murderers. Well, Genghis Khan, but also look in primates, look at baboons or monkeys. Right. the male, the dominant male, basically almost all the females are his spouses. And there's other males who aren't as dominant, who aren't as vicious and aggressive as he is, and they don't get a chance to reproduce except on the sly. So if there's some males who are really clever in some other ways, they might get a chance So now we have, like nerds are getting opportunities to reproduce because nerdiness turns out to be very, what's it called, financially rewarded.

[12:14]

So then with the nerdiness now has power. So power is part of like getting opportunities for reproduction. So in some ways, we may have some aunts and uncles who were very compassionate, but our parents and grandparents and great-grandparents, the people who succeeded, tend to be the more aggressive ones. If you look at nature, the more aggressive animals often get more opportunities than the ones who say, sure, go ahead, help yourself. And a sense of self promotes aggressiveness and violence. So part of biological life is that power and violence and aggression, sometimes you get better chance to have more opportunities for reproduction. Plus, if you're not so much the aggressive one, but you mate with somebody who's aggressive, they may be better able to protect your offsprings if you're in the non-aggressive position.

[13:23]

but I saw this one movie about monkeys recently and there was a new dominant male who had just killed the old dominant male and all the people, all the members of the troop were there looking at the dead dominant male who was the spouse of almost all the adult women or the father of almost all the children. And they're all looking at their dead father or dead spouse. And the new dominant male was off at a distance because they all could turn on him and kill him. And he knew that. He sees some sense that would they accept. He just killed this person. He killed this animal who was closely connected to all the other people. Would they accept him as the new? But the new one is the one who killed the old one.

[14:26]

And the other ones who didn't kill him are still there, the other males. So there's something about that and having a sense of separation. It promotes murder very nicely. It's easier to kill people when you feel they're separate from you. And it's easy to be, also when you feel fear, that makes it easier to be violent. Or you could say, put the other way, when you feel fear, you're at risk of being violent. And then when you get into it, the fear fuels the violence. So people that are really afraid can, you know, sometimes fight with extreme intensity. So... So it also promotes survival. Survival. Well, it's not so much survival. It doesn't necessarily promote survival. Sometimes the people who are fighting get killed. But it promotes the survival of the gene. It's genetically. It's not so much that the people who fight live longer.

[15:30]

but they get more reproductive opportunities. It's the reproductive thing. It's the transmission of the genes that transmits the people with more selfishness will have more offspring. Like Genghis Khan, very selfish, has hundreds of offspring. But Buddhism is not about having lots of offspring. in terms of like your genetic reproduction, is having offspring of compassion. And to have offspring of compassion, violence doesn't promote that because people aren't getting the teaching properly. And, yeah, that's what biologic... Yes, you want to come up? You know, there's this book called The Selfish Gene, right? Genes are selfish.

[16:32]

All they want to do is reproduce themselves and we are, to some extent, subject to their power. But because we suffer so much, a teaching has come to help us be kind to our cruel genes and make a deal where they let us not be so cruel. Yes. Those were very good questions. It's very humbling to come after them. And your answers also. As my husband and I, I have a story before that leads to the question. You have a story, okay. As my husband and I were driving here, Mary Berg was playing Beethoven's late quartets. And she ended with a grand fugue. They're very bright and deep. She also told the story about how it's his probably 241st birthday.

[17:34]

Well, actually two days ago. Yes. Mary is a little bit off line. Thanks. Yay, Beethoven. She also told the story about how he had to move many times, his domicile many times because he was evicted by his landlords and landladies. because of his strange behavior, as he got older, he became completely deaf. Oh, he got evicted because he made so much noise? Yes. Screamed and yelled. Screamed and yelled so he could hear what he was... Right, and he seemed very eccentric. And what is it? It seems to me that the person who was hurt most by this was the landlady. Yeah. Who separated herself from this greatness and this great music. Right. Because he seemed so weird. Yeah. And she didn't want to be associated with this weirdness. Right. Whereas if she had opened her heart to the strange screaming and shouting, she may have... Become enlightened.

[18:39]

Yes. Yeah. And that's the same with this. If we open our heart to Beethoven, we'll become enlightened. But it's not that easy. Because he suffers so much. A lot of his music is saying, I'm suffering. I'm suffering. I'm suffering. And this is the way he told us. And he said, if you open to my music, I would say to my suffering, you will be liberated. I think he was liberated. I think he was liberated too. He was so liberated he could suffer a lot. That doesn't sound pleasant. I don't think Beethoven was kind of constantly inundated by pleasantness. I think he was... I have this story about him that he was very nervous and had lots of digestive problems. and was very uncomfortable a lot of the time.

[19:42]

And what we see here is this wholehearted encounter with his unpleasantness. Because he was so anxious, particularly when he was on the verge of starvation, he was very frightened and anxious. And during that time when he was anxious he had lots of digestive problems. And a lot of his works, certain musicologists feel, reflect his gastrointestinal distress. that he's actually expressing in the music. Some of his other music, like the Ninth Symphony, kind of maybe expresses when he finally was really liberated, deaf and liberated from being deaf. So he had different kinds of teaching, but I think even when he was expressing his, even when he was in his most pain, he was still coping with it by his His practice, you know.

[20:47]

And he had to be somewhat kind to the situation, although you can see it's a struggle. A real struggle for him to produce the stuff he produced. You're welcome. Thank you for your compassion to landlords. Thanks for your talk. You're welcome. So to get back to primates, could you talk about the separation and the grass being associated with

[21:51]

love with being attracted to a person and just managing it, understanding it. Oh, you're asking how do you manage, how do you relate to any grasping you feel towards someone? Yes. I mean, I've done this recently and I suffered greatly at the end of it. I just suffered because I felt I, you know, you know, I hadn't been listening to anything. Yeah, right. When you grasp someone who you think is just so precious and so wonderful and then you grasp them, sometimes when you're grasping you're so focused on grasping that you can't hear what they're saying.

[22:59]

Like they might be saying, would you please not grasp me quite so tightly? So it's hard to hear. Yeah, so I think when we When we feel an attraction towards someone, it's good to be generous towards the attraction. A generous attraction does not mean acting it out. It means welcoming it, but not holding on to it. It's not generous to hold on to things. So when a pleasant feeling comes, I would say, don't reject it. When an attraction comes, I would say, don't reject it. And if you start grasping that, I would say, well, don't reject the grasping. But if you can be generous towards the very attractive person from the beginning, that means you sort of like say, welcome. Thank you very much for coming. And when they walk away, thank you very much for going. Oh.

[24:07]

Not, not I like you to go. And not, I hate you to come. But welcome this person who I just happen to like. And welcome this person who I happen to like going away. Welcome. I give you beautiful, precious, gorgeous person I give you to the world. And you may never see the person again. And they may not even notice that you generously welcomed them and generously let them go. But you had a blessed experience of being with this wonderful being and saying thank you when they came and saying thank you when they left. And then somebody comes who you don't see as so precious

[25:12]

who you're not attracted to. And you say thank you to them too. And you don't hold on to them. When they go, you say thank you. So if you don't do that and you get into thank you and holding, then you start to suffer. Then you need to address the suffering, the clinging. And we can get better at this. We can get less attached to beings we're attracted to, less and less attached, more and more gracious towards the beings we're attracted to. And not only do we not have as much suffering in that way, but we are able to hear them better, and be more devoted to them, to be a better friend, a better lover with them when we don't attach to them.

[26:22]

The attachment hinders our devotion, makes it spotty. But anyway, if we do have attachment to someone that we're attracted to, we should be kind to the attachment which is causing suffering and disrupting the compassionate Interaction. And when and how does it happen, the two people? When and how does it happen, gracias? The two people? Kind of meet. When does it happen that they meet? Like you. When does it happen that we meet? Yeah. Well... You and your wife.

[27:25]

Me and my wife? Yeah. Well... When I was in the early years of being with her, I think I was more attached to her than I am now. And I don't know how I got to the place of being less attached to her than I was before. But I, for example, in the early days of knowing her, if some other man was acting out his attraction towards her, I noticed this primate reaction arising in a human primate way. Kind of like, kind of like, can I help you? Or, did you want to talk to me by any chance?

[28:32]

Those kinds of comments. Slightly civilized, but, you know, kind of ironic, too. Like, do you realize what you're about to get into here? But I don't feel that way anymore about pretty much anybody that I would talk that way to somebody who was interested in somebody that I really cared for. And one of the main ways, I think one of the turning points from some possessiveness towards this person called my wife to not being possessive of her, the turning point from being somewhat possessive, enough possessive to talk to certain people in certain ways, implying certain things, to switching to not being so possessive, the turning point was to switch from what this person does for me to what I can do for this person.

[29:41]

Switching from what the person does for you or what you get from the person to what you can do for the person makes you less possessive of them. switching to devotion to them makes you less possessive. Because your possessiveness towards them is not devotion. And when you're possessive, it doesn't annihilate your devotion, it just interferes with it. And before, when I was somewhat concerned with having her as my wife, and being concerned for what she would do for me, I was not so devoted. I didn't understand that that was the game. When I switched to devotion to her, basically everything went fine from then and I wasn't possessive anymore. But even though I'm not possessive, even though I don't own her, I have confidence that I will be devoted to her no matter what.

[30:50]

One other little detail is if you're possessive of somebody, that somebody is only going to be here for a moment, and then you get a new somebody, and the new somebody may be incontinent, or not remember who you are, etc. So you're actually committing to be devoted to all the new spouses that are given to you. no matter what the spouse is. And being possessive of this spouse will interfere with being devoted to the next spouse and the next spouse and the next spouse. So devotion is actually the cure. Compassion is the cure for possessiveness. And when possessiveness is cured, compassion is marvelously unhindered.

[31:54]

wondrously unobstructed. But in the meantime, if there's any attachment, bring compassion to it, and that will help you. If you bring compassion that you have towards this person, if you bring compassion to the attachment you have for this person, that will also facilitate your devotion and compassion to that person. Because being possessive of people is not compassionate. However, possessiveness is closely related to compassion. Greed is closely related to compassion. That's why greed is more difficult and attachment is more difficult to overcome than hatred. Because hatred is not at all like compassion. Rage is sometimes part of compassion, but it's a rage which doesn't wish any harm. It's a rage which says, you know, N-O, rather large, towards any harm towards this person, which says N-O to, yeah, any harm that somebody else or you would do.

[33:06]

You say, no, I will not do that. No, this will not happen. But no ill will towards anybody So actual hatred doesn't go with compassion. And hatred is not sort of a near problem to compassion. The near problems to compassion are attachment. Because attachment is a little bit like compassion. Because compassion, you actually embrace people. And when you embrace, sometimes it can turn into, well, don't go quite yet. I didn't get good enough grip on you that time. So that's why attachment's tricky, because it's not, and like codependence is a little bit like compassion. And the other near trap or near problem to compassion is depression. So depression and attachment are the near pitfalls around compassion.

[34:12]

So if you're practicing compassion, you should accept that you'll probably be somewhat vulnerable to attaching to the thing you're being compassionate towards. Like Suzuki Rishi's wife said to me one time, when we take care of something for a long time, we think we own it. So if you take care of a person, a spouse, a child, a parent, a dog, a temple, you take care of it. If you take care of it for one day, you don't think you own it. But if you take care of it for decades, you think, well, this is my temple. This temple is mine because I took care of it for a long time. It kind of sneaks up on you. sorry, here I am, attached to the temple. And I should be compassionate to that when I notice it. Gracias.

[35:13]

De nada, senor. A que hora? Twelve twenty-five. Twelve twenty-five? Is lunch served until twelve forty-five? Do you know what time the portrait rating is? Twelve forty-five. Okay. Okay. A little bit more time. Yes, please come. Goodbye, Jackson. Happy holidays. Give my best to Vivian. Give my best to Vivian. You were talking about the outflowing of generosity earlier. And I wondered if you would also talk about the inflowing of generosity and being upright with that.

[36:19]

Well, you said it. Be upright with it. Well, there are some problems with that. Oh, yeah. It's those problems of being upright with the outflow, too. Either way, when things are flowing, it's a balancing act to be upright. Like, when it's going out, one way of leaning with the outflow is, I'm giving it. Rather than, adios, gifty. You know, like, you give the gift, but you want to attend, you want to go along with it for a little while. So that somebody notices it came from you. Or you go along with it to make sure they use it properly. Rather than, there it goes. Oh, how wonderful. I wonder what will happen to it. I can't see it anymore. It's gone. So don't, you know, don't ride shotgun on your gifts.

[37:24]

Just let them go. You can watch them for a little while, but don't lean. And then when they come to you, also, don't lean backwards or don't lean forward a little bit ahead of when it actually arrives. Like one time I was at a dinner and I was sitting at a table and I thought I was one of the guests. I mean, I think I was. And they brought this big pizza and put it down there. But I leaned forward and selected a piece before it was actually given to me and that was pointed out to me. Which piece is actually for me? I don't know, let's wait and see. You can just wait until everybody else took one and that would probably be it. But if you go first, maybe somebody else wanted that one. So don't lean into the things that are coming. And what if, what if there's a pizza put there but everybody else takes a piece and there's none left?

[38:31]

So being upright is one of our main instructions, right? And also if you notice you're leaning, be kind to your leaning. Being kind to your leaning is being upright with your leaning. So here you are leaning and you bring uprightness to your leaning. You're leaning, bring uprightness to the leaning. See? So then you don't fall on your face. Plus also, you make the Chinese character for person. So people do lean, but then somebody else helps them not fall on their face. And then maybe even straighten up. Okay. There's also... Thank you. There's also the leaning backward. Yeah, leaning backwards. From the receiving. From the receiving? Yeah, leaning backwards. It's very intense when somebody brings you a gift. It might be nice.

[39:36]

You can deliver the gift, but I want to be someplace else when you deliver it, because I don't know what's going to happen to my face if I'm right there. Will I smile in the proper way? Will I say thank you in the proper way? Will I show sufficient gratitude? Just leave it at the door. I'll come get it later. Rather than actually be there when they deliver it. Like, I'm a boxer. Amateur. Amateur. And when you're boxing, people deliver you gifts. But it's hard to actually stay awake when the gift comes. Also when you're playing golf, you know, you give the balls a gift and you give the ball a gift. You bring the club to meet the ball. But it's hard to actually be present there and upright as the club hits the ball.

[40:42]

But actually they do teach in golf be upright with the club hitting the ball. Pay attention to the ball. They do not tell you to watch where it goes. As far as I understand. Any golfers here? Is that right? That you're not supposed to watch where it goes? You're supposed to watch the ball? Keep your head down. Watch the ball. But there's a tendency to swing and then start watching where it goes before you hit it. So again, to actually be there for the gift when it comes, to stay there. You're getting closer and closer. It's coming, it's coming. That's good. You're doing well. As it comes closer and closer... Did you say you blinked? Yeah, I was... It's difficult to actually be present there. I told this story before but I I beg your your indulgence for me to tell it again.

[41:44]

May I? So one time I was going to say something to my daughter. When I say something to my daughter or give something to my daughter that she wants, I don't have such a hard time looking at her when I give it to her. But even that is a little bit hard, to actually look at her face when I give her something I think she would like. It's hard to actually watch right through to the end of the interaction. But if I say something which I don't think she wants to hear, I really have a hard time looking at her face. I do not like to see that face look unhappy with what I'm giving her. But sometimes what I have to give her, I think, actually, what the gift is, is me. It's who I am and how I feel.

[42:47]

That's the gift I have to give her. And there was one time when I I basically, what I was saying is, this is what your father wants. And I didn't think she would like that, and I don't think she did like it. However, the thing I did on that occasion, which I hadn't done so completely before, is I watched her face when I gave her the gift of myself and what I wanted, which I didn't think she would like. I watched her. I watched her response. And seeing her response, I felt okay that I told her. If you watch as you deliver it, and if you watch as you receive it, Sometimes things will change and you say, I changed my mind. I don't feel that way anymore. But sometimes you still feel the same.

[43:48]

You say, this is what I want. I can see this is not a delightful thing for you to hear, but I'm keeping my eye on you and we're together. And anyway, that was a great moment for me. that I didn't flinch from being there with her as I presented her with the father that I actually was. But there's other times when I gave her a father that I actually was but thought she wouldn't like it. I looked away and I didn't see whatever her response was. And then I felt really bad because I didn't face the immediate consequence of that gift. And I don't know what it was, but I wasn't really there. And that led me to say, this time I'm really going to do it all the way. I'm going to really be there for her. And I don't know how things work, but she handled it really well.

[45:01]

much better than she handles it when I deliver the gift and look away and leave her by herself without my support to deal with it because she can see I'm not paying attention to the consequences but it's hard to watch the consequences of what you do to someone that you love that you think might be difficult for them it's hard to be there but if they feel that then they can show you and then they can see how you deal with what they showed you and she did and then she She did so well, and I'm still struggling with that, of saying things to her that are really where I'm at, but I don't think they'll be all that easy for her, that might be difficult for her. But I'm still working on that and it's still hard. So being present for giving and receiving is like the center of the universe.

[46:05]

That's where we live, actually. We live at the place of giving and receiving. And it's hard to be upright there. It's so intense. Where the world is giving us life and we are giving our life to the universe. It's very hard to be present there. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Yes, please. Please. I shout out a brief story and a question. Shout out to the Acolytes, the students who made a commitment to work with Rep. Thank you very much for future reference. A story about the Scottish folk, which leads to the question. The two Scottish brothers, one of whom goes around the world for five years and comes home and says to the brother who had stayed home, brother, you grew a beard.

[47:11]

The brother who stayed home says, you took the razor. So the question becomes, the idea of shepherding stuff which has been the tradition of human beings after all, taking care of stuff closely, let's say, being thrifty. Oh, yeah. Against being stingy. How do we come to the distinction, the differences, to open that discussion? And I'm going to be working on that myself after you put me on that path. Okay. So I think thrift in some ways... I think thrift is very closely related to compassion. To use resources in a thrifty way. I would say thrifty means careful. Not to squander them. To respect them and honor them.

[48:15]

And then... So for example... you feel someone's asking for something, maybe, and you feel that you're trying to be thrifty with this resource, and they're asking for it, and you're concerned about how they will use it. So you're concerned that they don't squander the gift which they're asking you to give them. So maybe you want to, like, convey some sense of honoring the material which they're asking you to give them. So they don't just, like, again, squander it. I said you give it without trying to control how they use it.

[49:24]

Okay? And you know they might not use it in a thrifty way. They might not. So, let's start with giving. I think that's number one. Number two is what? Not any of it. That's the same thing. So you're giving and you do not try to control how your gift is used. And you know that if you give a gift to a child, and a child can be any age, in other words someone who does not know how to take good care of the gift, or you don't know that they will be able to you still give it to them to show them that you give it to them and you don't tell them I trust that you'll use it in a thrifty way maybe you don't tell them that because you don't you're actually giving to them and with the risk accepting the risk that they may squander the gift and you don't want them to because this is a precious thing you're giving them you want them to use it in a thrifty way

[50:33]

So you give it, and then what's the next practice? Hmm? Did you say compassion? Giving is compassion. What's the next dimension of compassion after giving? Pardon? What? Being upright? Well, when you give, you're being... Yeah, actually... you give and hopefully you're upright when you give. And being upright when you give means you're not trying to control what the recipient does with the gift. Again, to lean in, to try to make sure that they're thrifty with it, you wouldn't be upright with it. So when you're upright with it, you actually let it go and really give up trying to control how it's used. Now it's their responsibility. However, the next practice after giving is... What? No. What? What? Ethics. The next practice is ethics. It's being careful.

[51:37]

Being careful of what? Well, be careful not to lean. You gave it. Boom. And you're upright. You let go of it. And then there can be what he called giver's remorse. So now you're starting to lean. Suddenly go, oh, I confess that I'm leaning. Come back upright. Right? They look like they might be misusing that gift. That happens, right? Okay. This is an ethical infraction. I'm not upright. I put myself upright. As they're about to squander the gift, I had to put myself upright because I was going to try to lean to stop them. You gave that gift. You gave up your ownership. You gave up your control of it. Okay, ready? And now you're trying to take it back and get control again. This is an ethical infraction vis-a-vis your giving. So you bring yourself upright again as they're about to misuse the gift.

[52:45]

Yes? There's a columnist named John Carroll. He calls it the untied way. Say again? The untied way. The untied... Instead of the united way, which is the, you know, it's the untied way. Untied, like T-I-A-D? You hand the 20 bucks out and you don't worry about whether they're going to go buy vodka or... Yeah, the untied way. Also, we say the gift with no strings attached. So having strings attached as a gift will pull you forward or to the side. But you give with no strings attached, with no tithing, with no tithing, with no... So... Especially if you're giving something that you are giving in a thrifty way. You're not giving too much. You're giving the right amount. It's something you value. And you would like people to be thrifty with what you give. However, you do not have the thrift string attached to it.

[53:50]

And you really let it go. But you watch to see. Am I being pulled around by what they do with it? And if I am, it's a string which I would gently untie and let go of. Ethics, ethics, ethics. And also, once I have let them misuse and be unthrifty with the gift I gave them, then I practice the next aspect of compassion, which is Patience. I feel pain that they have abused and misused and been unthrifty with the treasure I gave them, that they squandered it. It's painful for me to see, not because I owned it, but because they're wasting it. They didn't use it for what they could have used it for. They could have used it for medicine or food for their children, but they used it in an unthrifty way, which I'm sorry for them about. There's a story of one of our great ancestors, one of the great teachers of the lineage of Buddhism called Nagarjuna.

[55:00]

And he had a student. And his student was called, like, noble deity. Aryadeva was his name. And he sent his student on an adventure. There was a powerful magician in northern India who was disturbing the Buddhist community with his powerful magic and he sent his disciple Aryadeva to engage this magician in debate and by this debate to protect the Sangha from the harm he was doing by his magic. And then Nagarjuna says, on your way, you will be asked for something. You will be asked to give a gift. If you give the gift, we could say uprightly, and don't lean into controlling how it's used, and have no regret having given it, you will get it back, whatever it is.

[56:12]

But if you regret having given it, because the gift is not used in a thrifty way, you will not get it back. So this great student of the great teacher sets out on this voyage, on this, actually, this walk, long walk to northern India. And on the way, a blind beggar asks him for one of his eyes. And he somehow removes his eye and gives it to the beggar And he walks on and the beggar tries to put the eye in place and can't. And in his anger smashes the eye on a stump. Aryadeva notices that and regrets having given it and doesn't give his eye back. And then his name got changed from Aryadeva to Kanadeva which means one-eyed deity.

[57:18]

So there it is. You give with no strings attached, but that's not the end of the story. The next thing is watch out. As the gift moves around, see if you try to recapture some control of it to make sure it's used in a beneficial way. That's what you want, of course. You want this gift to be beneficial. And then you see somebody not using it in a beneficial way. And then you lean. But if you do, it's not the end of the story either. You can say, okay, I'm leaning, sorry, sorry. Daddy, did you give that to me or not? Yes. Can I use it as I wish? Yes. Even this way? Are you leaning, Daddy? Yes. Do you want to get upright, Daddy? Yes. Can I use it now again, the way I want to? Yes. And then they use it in a way that you don't agree with.

[58:26]

And it's painful. And you practice patience with that. And then you calm down with the situation. And then you realize wisdom. I love that leaning on the Chinese sim. Did you make that up? No, I didn't. So the Chinese character for person goes like this. one stroke at a diagonal, and then a shorter stroke supporting it. And so the word for person shows that we're dependent on each other. Or like, the man is supported by the woman, the male is supported by the female, or the female is supported by the male. There's no female without male, or vice versa. That's part of our humanity. Is it time to stop? It's 12.50. Sorry to keep you late. we just said that an unsurpassed, penetrating and perfect Dharma is rarely met with, even in a hundred thousand million eons.

[59:55]

This unsurpassed Dharma is something that when we meet, if we meet this Dharma, What's the Dharma? When we meet this truth, when we meet the truth, a truth that when we meet it and become intimate with it, we realize our correct understanding and then we are able to really live for the welfare of all beings. We are able to live in a way that helps all living beings when we meet the true, the true, teaching the true reality. It's not just a truth that when we understand it, we personally become free of suffering, but we become free of any hindrance to practicing compassion with all beings.

[61:34]

the way the calendar is set up this year is such that the next two Sundays are Christmas and New Year's so there will not be teachings offered in this room on those two days. So this is the last This is the last one of the year. And at the beginning of this year I expressed a commitment to study and focus to focus study on delusion for the year. And that focus has, that commitment has not died in me.

[63:01]

I have continued to try to pay attention and discuss with people delusions. In a way I would say that the reason for this focus on delusion is that, is the understanding, the reason for the focus on delusion is the understanding that delusion is the fundamental condition for the suffering of living beings. The secondary condition for the suffering of sentient beings, living beings, is a clinging attachment to experience.

[64:03]

But this attachment to our moment-by-moment experience, this tightening around or in relationship to our life, this tightening is based on delusion. So it is recommended that we study and understand delusion because if we study and understand delusion deeply, we realize awakening to its nature, namely that it's delusion. And based on that understanding, clinging is abandoned and suffering is released. And beings are released from suffering. So the awakened ones are those who deeply understand delusion. And the suffering ones are the ones who are deluded but don't understand it.

[65:14]

most of what the tradition of awakening most of what the tradition of awakening is addressing is living beings. Living beings are the main thing for the tradition and the teachings of awakening. And in particular, the suffering of living beings is the sort of main agenda The founder of the tradition of awakening in India, who we call Gautama Buddha or Shakyamuni Buddha, the enlightened one of the Shakya clan, he, upon giving his first, traditionally what we consider to be his first teaching,

[66:25]

he gave he taught the middle way and he taught the four noble truths and the first noble truth is called the truth of suffering and many people say that the truth of suffering is that life is suffering but I don't think that is a correct understanding of the truth of suffering, that life is suffering. What the Buddha said was that basically, or briefly, clinging to experience is suffering. Clinging to colors and smells and tastes, clinging to pleasure and displeasure and neutral sensation, clinging to ideas, clinging to beliefs, clinging to our experience.

[67:32]

That is the definition of suffering. He does say birth is suffering, death is suffering, old age is suffering, sickness is suffering, pleasure is suffering, pain is suffering. In other words, he says everything is suffering, but what he means is everything that we cling to is suffering. And he gave many teachings to his students, but one teaching he gave was that all phenomena that we tend to cling to, and that situation, all these phenomena are, because we're clinging to them, they're ill, they're painful, and they don't actually have a self, an independent existence, and also they're fleeting.

[68:33]

So he gave these teachings and people received these teachings and were mindful of these teachings and when they realized that phenomena had these characteristics they were able to stop clinging to them and receive release from suffering. Then later the teaching came that all phenomena are just thought constructions, that living beings live within their own minds. In their relationships with other people, they deal with their ideas of other people. In their relationships with other animals, they deal with their ideas of these animals. In relationship with trees and water and sky, they live within their mind. And that's how they relate to others.

[69:34]

It's not that there's no others, it's just that we relate to them in terms of our ideas of them. And the idea, the way these ideas we have of each other appear to us is they appear as though they were external. When we see other humans or other plants or other animals, they appear in our mind in a deceptive way. They appear as though they're external. And sometimes we have the idea that these external beings are our good friends and sometimes we have the idea that they're not our good friends. But the externality is the basic illusion.

[70:37]

And that is the cause, the belief that externality is the fundamental condition for clinging. Because we think things are external, we actually think we can cling to them. And then we think we do cling to them. We can't stop ourselves once we think it's possible. So then we think we do. We really don't. we think we do and therefore we suffer I've been saying this over and over for a year I've been trying to remember it myself moment by moment to try to remember that who I'm meeting is just my idea not who I'm meeting is just my idea but all I see is my idea of you and you look like you're separate from me and I'm deluded to see it that way.

[71:45]

And this delusion is very important for me to remember or that I'm subject to this delusion is necessary in order to relieve suffering of all beings. Not just hearing the teaching and remember it though that's just the beginning. Hearing the teaching and then noticing that things don't look like that to me. So not only do I hear that teaching and try to remember it which doesn't exactly put me down because it's a characteristic of all living beings have this kind of mind but to remember the teaching and then notice that I can actually see sometimes if I look I can actually see the cause of suffering in this world I can actually see the illusion of separateness

[73:07]

I can see the cause of all stress and disharmony among humans and between humans and non-humans and between humans and the environment. And you can too, perhaps. And if you can, and if I can, then we can practice with the cause of suffering. And a basic principle of practice is that if you immerse yourself totally and become intimate with the cause of suffering, the suffering will be relieved. But the way to transcendence of the cause of suffering is by total immersion in it. What do you call it?

[74:14]

Like Safeway, you know. Since we're neighbors, let's be friends. Or like the Godfather, keep your family close, but keep your enemies closer. And your enemy actually is, the enemy is separation. The illusion, the deceptive appearance of separation between ourselves and others, that is the cause of suffering. And if we become intimate with it, there will be what we call enlightenment. Understanding this delusion is the same as being intimate with it. So intimate with it that there's no separation. We see there isn't really any. It's just totally insubstantial. But it appears. If you can't see it yet, if you do the practices which those who can see it perform, you will come to see it

[75:23]

So the conditions or the cause for the understanding of delusion and the results of the understanding of delusion are the same practices. The way you relate to the cause of suffering in such a way that you understand it is the same practice that you will do after you do understand it. And the way of relating to the cause of suffering, the way of relating to delusion, in such a way that you will understand it and become free of it, is basically by practicing compassion and wisdom.

[76:29]

Before you understand it, you don't have the wisdom. The wisdom arises upon understanding, but you can train in wisdom prior to realizing it. And in order, the wisdom which understands delusion is the wisdom which is based on compassion. So we begin with compassion towards what? Towards the cause of suffering. We practice compassion towards the primary cause of suffering and we practice compassion towards the secondary cause of suffering. We practice compassion towards the illusion and the belief in the illusion of separateness. And we practice compassion towards clinging and grasping. And we practice compassion towards the suffering itself.

[77:35]

Some people can't see the clinging and can't see the delusion that they believe in. But they can see the suffering. So we practice compassion towards all suffering. then towards all craving and clinging, that's the basis of it, and then finally you get to see the source, the belief that you're separate from other beings. So the cause of enlightenment and the results are the same. After you have wisdom, I shouldn't say you have wisdom, after wisdom has arisen, you realize that this wisdom is not yours or anybody else's. It's just the way we are together. And then the same practices which supported the arising of wisdom will now be practiced. The same kindness to delusion and clinging and suffering will continue.

[78:44]

It's just that after wisdom, after awakening, after understanding of delusion the practices of compassion and wisdom are unhindered and uninterrupted. Before we understand we are practicing compassion some of the time with some of the people and some of the animals and some of the plants and some of the water etc. And that's great that we do it some of the time with some of the people. And we practice it with some of our own feelings, some of our own ideas, some of our own opinions, some of our own prejudices, some of our own judgments, some of the time. Which is great. All Buddhas practice these modes of compassion some of the time with some of the people

[79:47]

until they finally woke up. And then they practiced it all the time with all of the people and all of the plants and all of the animals. And this is what the great vehicle is heading towards, is a steady, unlimited practice of compassion. But again, until we are free of the belief in the illusion that other beings separate, we're somewhat hindered in the wonderful practice of compassion. Or sometimes more than somewhat hindered. Sometimes flat out not doing it. And even sometimes not wanting to. I do not want to be kind to that person. People sometimes say that. I actually do not want to be kind to that person. Or I actually don't want to be kind to myself.

[80:54]

I'm not worthy of kindness. People think that. And they seem to mean it. today I put on these robes that you see me wearing over actually on top of there's lots of layers so there's layer upon layer upon layer of robes upon the body of a human being upon the skin and flesh and bones of a human being all these robes And part of me would like to find something to wear that testified to that I'm not different.

[81:57]

I shouldn't say not different, but not separate from the people who are not wearing these robes. And I thought, well, one nice thing about when the presidents and prime ministers and so on of the world get together is They all wear suits. All the men wear suits and even the women wear kind of like suits. And it's kind of nice that they wear a uniform. So if we could make a uniform that everybody wore, I would wear that. But until then, I think I'm going to continue to wear this to remind me of the delusion of separateness. Because when I put this on, it's very easy to feel separate. And a lot of people don't want to put on these robes because they start to notice that they feel separate.

[83:01]

And they don't want to feel separate. We don't want to feel separate. It's not something we want. But all living beings do. They feel it. That's the kind of minds they have. Even Buddhas have a mind that can see separateness. It's just that they don't believe it. So in a way, wearing these robes is humiliating. Because I'm wearing something that brings this sense of separation to the four.

[84:18]

And now that it's here, I wish to be kind to it. And the practice of kindness starts with the practice of giving. Practicing giving towards a delusion, yes. What does that mean? Well, it could mean that when you see the delusion that you're separate from other beings, or that they're separate from you, that you let it be. You let that delusion be. You give that delusion to that delusion. Another way of saying it is that you welcome the delusion. Another way to say it is that you say thank you to the delusion. Thank you for coming. Thank you for showing yourself.

[85:21]

Thank you, thank you, cause of all suffering for showing yourself, for coming out into the open so I can practice compassion with you and realize that even the delusion is not separate. The delusion of separateness is not delusion. It's not separate from my mind or this mind. this temple and I wish everywhere was this temple or the temple is a place the temple of peace is a place for people to come and learn how to be kind

[86:24]

The temple is a place dedicated to help people learn to be compassionate and wise. But first, first, compassionate. First, it's a place for people to come to learn to give. And many people who come here are coming to learn to give. But some other people are coming here to learn something else. But even the people who are coming to learn to give often confess that they're coming to get learning to give.

[87:30]

That they're really trying to get something for themselves. They're trying to get to be really good givers. Many people come here and say, I came to get compassion. I came not just to receive it, but I came to get the ability to practice compassion. I came to get wisdom. I came to get enlightenment. I came to get approval of my enlightenment. Some people are already enlightened and they want to come and get some approval for it. Not too many of us come to the temple come to the learning center thinking that we wish to go and give a gift by our coming. But we often do come to get something at the place that is primarily a place to learn to give. Fundraisers may be not unhappy to hear me say this but as a spiritual practice I encourage us not to give unless you really want to.

[88:52]

Not to give something to get something. Not to give something So you think better of yourself. Not to give something so that other people will think better of you or like you, but give because you actually want to give and not give more than you actually really want to give and not give with any expectation of getting a reward. So some fundraisers might say, it's okay if they give expecting a reward. It's okay if they give expecting something. Just let them give first and then tell them later. So then some people might say to me, well, I see that you only give when you want to, but you're stingy. The amount of giving that you seem to want to do is very little.

[89:57]

And then I have to accept that people think I'm stingy. And I have to accept that people think I'm stingy. Not have to. Not have to. I want to. I want to be kind to people thinking I'm stingy. If I think I'm stingy, I want to be kind to myself feeling stingy And also I want to be kind to the feeling that my stinginess is separate from your generosity or your stinginess. I got my stinginess, you got your stinginess, and they're separate. And I'm more stingy than you. And they're separate stinginesses. I want to be kind to that. I want to be generous towards my stinginess.

[91:01]

Working with stinginess is part of the practice of giving. Working with one's own or other people's stinginess is part of the practice of generosity. Or another way to put it, part of the practice of generosity is being generous towards an underdeveloped practice of generosity. Being generous towards low-grade generosity can develop, does develop, generosity does develop generosity. When you really, really welcome a low level of generosity, the generosity grows. The low level of generosity is just the low level of generosity. But alongside of lots of low level generosity, a great generosity can grow.

[92:06]

there can be great benefit brought to stinginess. One can also practice generosity towards abundant generosity. When great generosity comes you can also practice generosity towards that. In other words, You can practice. We can practice. We can learn to practice generosity towards absolutely, completely, totally everything. We can learn it. We can learn to practice generosity with every experience, with pain, with pleasure, with delusion, and with enlightenment. The fundamental thing to practice generosity towards, the most important, the most important thing to practice generosity towards is this delusion.

[93:17]

Practice generosity towards the sense that you're separate from others. And also practice generosity towards everything else. So this is a great time when many of us will be attempting or will be asked to attempt to practice generosity. For the next couple of weeks, the drums will be beating, practice giving. There it is. Practice giving, practice giving. And practice giving means welcome what you feel. Be generous towards what you feel when you're asked to give. When you get the... When you get the list. The gift list. So a young man has sent... Has sent...

[94:22]

my spouse and myself a list of things and we're, you know, we're going through the list and negotiating. How do you practice giving to the list? That's, you know, it's a kind of a ongoing giving practice. How do you interact with that? And then the next practice after giving, the next dimension of being kind our experience, being kind to our experience so that we can finally realize our experience is not separate from us and not cling to our experience, is to be careful of it. So, for example, if you notice stinginess and practice generosity towards your own stinginess, or if you notice other people's stinginess and you practice generosity towards other people's stinginess, In other words, welcome stinginess of others and welcome stinginess of self.

[95:27]

This starts to promote understanding that the other stinginess and your stinginesses are not separate. And then to further enter into the non-separateness for me to enter into the non-separateness of my stinginess and your stinginess or my stinginess and your generosity, then I practice ethics. I practice justice. Justice towards my stinginess, your generosity. In other words, I'm careful of it because stinginess is something to be careful of. If there's stinginess and you don't honor it and you don't respect it and you override it, if you give when the stinginess is saying, don't give it, if you don't honor that stinginess, then after you give, there will be revenge.

[96:34]

Or there might be revenge. Not for sure. Because sometimes stinginess is going to wait for later when nobody's watching. So when you're practicing giving, if there's no stinginess apparent, be careful. If there's stinginess apparent, be careful. If there's generosity, be careful. Be vigilant. Don't trip up what you have been generous with. Don't trip upon or don't trip up on what you've let into your house. And then practice patience. Patience with what? Well, if you're stingy, patience with stinginess. Because stinginess is not very comfortable. The word miser and the word misery have the same root. When I was 11, I watched a movie called Christmas Carol.

[97:43]

And the central character is a person named Ebenezer Scrooge. And then there was a school play and there were tryouts for the part of Ebenezer Scrooge. And Most of the people who had tried out for the part were boys. I don't remember any girls trying out for Ebenezer Scrooge. So the various boys tried out for it and they read a few lines that Ebenezer was going to say and maybe they hadn't seen the movie and I had. So they read the lines, but when they read them they did not sound stingy and miserly and nasty.

[98:48]

But when I read them I really sounded very selfish and cruel and got the part. And having seen the movie and having an 11-year-old brain where you can pretty much memorize everything you hear, and could still remember the parts. I just ad-libbed. I just was a nasty, stingy guy and just responded to the situation appropriately. It worked out fine. I really can't. Well, in the center of our room is this great statue of the enlightening being of perfect wisdom, Manjushri Bodhisattva, which means splendor and sweetness, Bodhisattva.

[99:55]

And that Bodhisattva said in one scripture, I'm the foremost among the deluded. I'm the foremost among the stingy. I do not dare to say, and I really don't think it's true, that I'm foremost in stinginess. I'm kind of, I would say, just sort of mediocre stingy. Maybe a little above average. But I'm not foremost in stingy. But I aspire, when I'm stingy, to be totally stingy. Because being totally stingy when you're stingy is being totally generous. And when you're totally generous with being totally stingy, totally immersed in stinginess, you can be totally generous.

[101:02]

And then, since you're a stingy person and you're generous with it, now you can be careful of it. You can be careful of the sickness that you're not the slightest bit separate from. And all the other stingy people you're not separate from. But also, when you're totally giving yourself to your stinginess whenever it appears, you're not separate from the totally generous beings. from the totally enlightened beings. There is no separation. But if we hesitate somewhat from being who we are, if we alienate ourselves from our own experience, which we do, unless we can plunge into that, we still feel separate from some beings. And then the practice is somewhat hindered.

[102:06]

So there will be... there may be lots of opportunities in the next few weeks for you to look at the practice of giving. and in that practice to notice if you feel any separation from those who are giving to you and to those you are giving to or between those who hesitate to give to you or who are stingy in giving to you and any hesitation you have to give to others or any hesitation you have towards others giving to others to get into the details of how you feel about the various gifts coming to and going from you, potentially or actually.

[103:22]

And notice, is there any sense of separation between the giver, the receiver, and the gift? And usually there's some separation between giver and receiver and gift. And to be kind to that sense of separation makes possible intimacy with that sense of separation and relief of that sense of separation and relief from the belief in it. I heard somebody say something about, how did he say? Oh, I think he said, speaking of this delusion of separation, he said, and be able to get out of the clouds of delusion, of separation.

[104:35]

And I wrote above, get out, get in. Because the sense of separation is sometimes it's sharp, but sometimes it's cloudy. But I guess I am betting on getting into the clouds of separation, to work with the clouds of separation. to realize intimacy with the clouds of separation. The clouds of the delusion of the belief that we're separate. And if it's not clouds, if they're sharp walls, then the same. But actually when it starts to get cloudy, it's a good sign that you're starting to get into the subtlety of it. And the thought arises in this situation, what about next year?

[107:05]

Is there anything else to study besides delusion? If I continue to study delusion, will anybody come and study it with me? Such an unattractive topic. If you say, well, let's study compassion, people say, well, that sounds good, but what's the object of compassion? We don't usually practice compassion towards enlightenment. We don't usually practice compassion towards peace and bliss. I mean, I'm not against it. But we don't usually hear about be compassionate to the enlightened ones, except now that I said it, you did hear it.

[108:11]

Be compassionate to the enlightened ones and help them out by practicing compassion. Give them a hand by practicing compassion. But basically, all of our delusions are the objects of compassion. And again, many people tell me about various delusions or they tell me about deluded people that aren't them. But again, a lot of times they tell them about a deluded person who they think is them and they actually do not think that this deluded person who they think is them is somebody to be kind to. They actually think, well, no, this person is not worthy of This person is not worthy. Worthy means worth, you know, value. This person is of no value who happens to be me. Plus also this unworthy person isn't worthy of compassion.

[109:15]

No matter no matter how deluded we are and no matter how terrible the things we do based on that delusion And we can do terrible things when we're deluded. All deluded suffering beings are objects of compassion. All of our deluded states, all of our fears, all of our negative judgments of ourselves and others are objects of compassion. That's what compassion works on. So maybe next year I won't mention delusion, I'll just talk about compassion and just mention where it's applied. Which is basically, it's applied to all living beings.

[110:19]

Because all living beings need compassion in order to deal with delusion. and thereby, if they deal with it compassionately, they can help other living beings deal with it compassionately. More and more consistently, more and more energetically, more and more joyfully, more and more calmly. And finally, to practice compassion towards all living beings without any grasping, to teach them compassion and non-grasping. by example.

[111:33]

It has turned cold. The mountains grow more vast and more blue. The autumn waterfalls are louder. I can hear the last cricket singing in the cold evening. I take my cane and go out for a walk.

[113:11]

The evening smoke hangs above the village. I am happy. I throw back my head and sing the willow song at the top of my lungs. Thank you very much.

[114:10]

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