On the morning that Suzuki Roshi let go of his body, at the moment of his letting go, 130 of his students began to sit. I didn't notice that association at the time, but one of my friends pointed out to me that that was his way. That was his way. That was the way he died. He died and 130 of us sat. Dogen was not in China with his teacher when his teacher died, but he said he can remember that his teacher instructed the assembly saying, right at the very

[01:46]

moment of sitting you can make offerings to all Buddhas and ancestors. Right now You can make offerings to all Buddhas and ancestors in the whole universe in ten directions. Right now, at this very moment of sitting, you can, without any exception, make an homage and make offerings ceaselessly. You can do that together with material things, such as fragrant flowers, which are on the altars.

[03:06]

Those can be your gifts. You can also do it with the flowers on the hillside, lamps, jewels, and your clothes. You can give your clothes to the Buddhas. and ancestors. And Dogen's teacher says, do you know and see this? Do you know and see this way of offering, of making offerings, of gifts to the Buddhas right now? He says, if you know this, do not say you are wasting time. If you do not yet know this, if you do not yet know this giving, do not avoid what you are facing.

[04:23]

Then Adogen responds to the teacher, says, I, Eihei, graciously became a Dharma child of my teacher, Tiantong. I do not walk the same as my teacher. and yet I have been sitting the same as my teacher. How can I penetrate the expressions of the innermost chamber of tientung, Please say, what is the meaning of such a statement?

[05:59]

After Dogen said, at the very time of monks sitting do not say that polishing a tile or hitting a cart is making all those in ten directions. And then he says, at just such a time, are there any further instructions for the monks? Some of you may not understand, may not be familiar with what polishing tiles refers to.

[07:41]

So the instruction may not be clear. For now, I would say that maybe we could understand that making our offerings while we're sitting to all Buddhas is done without expecting anything. With no expectation of gain, we make such offerings. In this spirit we sit as an offering, as paying homage to Buddhas without expecting any gain. Maybe later we can go into detail of the subtleties of tile polishing and

[08:57]

But for now, as I first introduce this story, I'll just say that maybe we can understand the instruction in this way. Now, for the rest of Sesshin, and for the rest of this year, make your sitting an offering to all Buddhas. Make your sitting a traditional enactment of your intimacy with the Buddhas. Perform as a statement of your close relationship with enlightened teachers. So your sitting is not your sitting. It doesn't belong to you, and it doesn't belong to the Buddhas. Your gift is not your gift, and your sitting is not to get anything.

[10:05]

It is rather to give something. It is to realize the Buddha way. Like Suzuki Roshi, dies, and his dying is 130 students sitting. And now you, you're sitting, is 80 people sitting. innumerable people sitting. Your sitting is the sitting that all beings are doing. Give your sitting to all beings is to give your sitting to all Buddhas.

[11:10]

Not concerned for what gain your sitting will receive. And if there is any concern for any gain in the sitting, then that concern is one of the beings you give your sitting to. I meant to bring a bell striker with me to balance on my hand. I forgot. Yesterday I tried to balance it while I was talking to someone with the striker on the top. It's a hammer, with the hammer on the top and it was really hard.

[12:17]

So I put the hammer on the box and I was able to balance it. Thank you. And so I I was balancing it or it was balancing I'm talking to the person. Now I'm trying to balance this stick which the second abbot of Zen Center gave to me. Zen Tatsu Baker or she gave this to me. but I'm having trouble balancing it. Maybe that's good. Maybe that's encouraging to you that I can't balance this. Not yet anyway.

[13:21]

Not for long. Oh, oh, [...] oh. I couldn't balance it, but then it balanced. Yesterday I was balancing my hand much around Ratchada. Actually my hand was moving many, many ways in order for that striker to be balanced. So now during Sashin, you're doing this at your seat, right? You have a spine like this and you're balancing it moment by moment. Somehow you're balancing it. But you're moving a little bit all the time to adjust to the changes. Right? You're working, you're taking care of your body together with your friends and you're managing somehow to sit upright

[14:31]

and be balanced. It's hard, especially when you're alive. And then, this is a good practice to do. I think it's really good of you to take care of your body during this session and then, if you like, you're welcome to join the ancient tradition of giving away, making your effort a gift to the Buddhas, of giving everything that there is to give in goodwill to all the buddhas.

[15:40]

And then Dogen makes one final comment. He looks at the group and he says, How can hearing and seeing of ordinary beings compare to having a drink of Zhao Zhou's tea? So this refers to a story which is not so long, so I can tell it to you easily. Bajou was an ancient teacher in China and one day two monks came to And the director of the temple brought the monks and, or maybe he didn't, or maybe, I don't remember, maybe he asked them, asked the monks if they'd been here before.

[17:04]

I don't like it that way. So the monks came to Zhaozhou and Zhaozhou said to him, have you been here before to one of the monks? And the first one said, no, I haven't. And Zhaozhou said, drink some tea. And then he asked the next monk if he'd been there before. And the monk said, yes, yes, I have been here before. And Zhaozhou said, drink some tea. And then the monks left, and the director said to Zhaozhou, putting aside for the moment the one who hasn't been here before, How come you told the one who has been here before to drink tea? And Zhao Zhou said, Director? And the director said, Yes, sir. He said, Drink some tea.

[18:11]

I think Dogen would like to have some of that tea. Chaujo is very good at making offerings of his practice to all Buddhas. And he taught like this to help people understand, to ceaselessly make offerings to all Buddhas. And of course, if we forget, be kind to ourselves and confess that we forgot, feel what that's like, and see if we like to go back to the practice of giving.

[19:36]

Dogen, the great teacher, really loved his ancestors. He lost his father when he was a tiny boy. He lost his mother when he was eight. In the comic book version of his life, his mother said, please give your life to the Buddhas and the Dharma." And Dogen said, yes mother, and he did. So for him, I think the ancestors were always very much like his family. His uncle, who he went to live with after his mother died, was also a Buddhist monk. His feeling of devotion to his teacher, Tien Tung, and other ancestors in the tradition feels very wholehearted and sweet to me.

[20:53]

And yet, he has to walk his own way. So he says, you know, I graciously became a dharma child of Tien Tung, but I must walk differently from him. My way of walking is not the same, but my way of sitting is. And then he also has a deep relationship with the sixth . And he says, I can remember when instructing the monk, , whose practice was to recite the Lotus Sutra, the old-time Buddha said, the essential point

[22:05]

of the Lotus Sutra is the one great cause and condition of the Buddhas appearing in this world. And the one great cause and condition of the Buddhas appearing in the world is the desire to help beings open to the Buddha's wisdom and help beings awaken to Buddha's wisdom and enter Buddha's wisdom. The wish to help people do this is the one great cause and condition of the appearance of Buddhas in the world, in the world which is the result of karma. The Buddhas appear in the karmic enclosure that all karmic beings have created together.

[23:15]

And they appear here because of this deep desire. People open and enter Buddha's wisdom. The Lotus Sutra says this, and the sixth ancestor, the great teacher, says this is the essential point of the Lotus Sutra. It does say that in the Lotus Sutra. The Lotus Sutra says, the one great cause for the appearance of the Buddhas in this world is this. And this is what the great teacher, the sixth ancestor, says is the essential point. But Anand Dogen humbly says, the old time Buddha, the sixth ancestor, spoke like this. His descendant, Ehe, me, cannot avoid saying something.

[24:21]

I cannot avoid saying something. I have to say something. How shall I say it? I would say that the essential point of the Lotus Sutra concerns all the Buddhas appearing in the world. The sixth ancestor says, the essential point of the sutra is the cause of the Buddha's appearing in the world. And Dogen says, I would say that the essential point is the appearing of the Buddha. The Buddhas appear in the world. People don't see them all the time. but they are appearing in the world. And then Dogen says, Tell me, Great Assembly, are the Sixth Ancestor's saying and my saying the same or different?

[25:34]

No. I ask you, to judge and discern this. Sixth Ancestor says the essential point is the one great condition for the appearance of the Buddhas. I say the essential point is that the Buddhas appear. He's the same or different. Please look at this. But then after you look, Dogen says, don't say they're the same. and don't say they're different. Because all Buddhas' appearance in the world could not be involved in sameness or difference. Don't you see that it is said that myself and the Buddhas in ten directions are the ones who can know

[26:43]

this matter. Look and see, are the statements of the sixth ancestor in Dogen the same or different? And then don't say they're the different. Just look and see if they're the same or different. If you have time. I know you're busy making offerings to Buddhas all the time. But if you want to look at it in a different way, that can be another offering. That certainly would be a good offering to Ehe Dogen Daisho. It's being proposed by ancestors and voiced by contemporaries that the Buddhas are present in this world and elsewhere.

[27:59]

And that Shakyamuni Buddha, the Buddha who appeared thousands of years ago and then went away, that that Buddha too is still present to us. Also in the Lotus Sutra, Shakyamuni Buddha says, I appear to come and go, but actually I'm always present with you. I and all Buddhas are always practicing together with you. Right now Manjushri is at another assembly, introducing the Buddha.

[29:25]

And if you open to all beings, if you open to the bodhisattva vow of devotion to all welfare of all beings and you're and flexible and tender and peaceful and honest and upright and balanced in every moment you will actually see the Buddhas. You will see the Buddhas, and particularly you will see Shakyamuni Buddha teaching the Lotus Sutra right now. That's what Shakyamuni Buddha said in the Lotus Sutra. He is teaching it right now, he said in the Lotus Sutra, that he is teaching it constantly.

[30:47]

And if we practice this way, we will see this. So we live in a world where maybe we don't see Shakyamuni Buddha right now teaching the Lotus Sutra right now. But if we practice in this way, we will see. But it doesn't mean that after we see Shakyamuni Buddha, we'll start. Although things will be different, we will continue the same practice, hopefully, after meeting and seeing the Buddhas. Same practice. After opening to the practice which is not our practice, is not my practice, but our practice, and then being upright and balanced and tender with our practice, our practice, and our practice, and our practice, and expressing and making offerings from our practice to our practice, which is from our practice to Buddha,

[32:13]

to all Buddhas, we see the Buddhas. And that will be interesting. That's called drinking Zhaozhou's tea. And opening to our practice, not excluding my practice, my practice is fine, but also opening my practice to our practice and being upright and tender and peaceful and honest This is also called fishing with a straight hook.

[33:18]

And if you fish with a straight hook in this way, the Buddhas will appear to you. And others will appear to you. Someone graciously told me that she came to Zen Center because she realized she was asleep and hoped, in hopes of waking up. After being here for some time she realized that everybody was asleep. This is an opportunity in a dream with other people who are dreaming in the world with us to practice wholeheartedly.

[34:49]

To wholeheartedly practice in the midst of delusion. And I propose to you that wholehearted means don't just do one practice. Don't do the practice of one person only. Let the practice of one person open to the practice of all beings. Let all beings join your practice and join the practice of all beings wholeheartedly practice, in other words. So just wholeheartedly practice.

[36:22]

That's all there is to it. That's the whole thing. Just wholeheartedly practice. And understand that wholehearted practice means the practice of all beings. Just wholeheartedly the practice of all beings. And we do have that right here now. And we do have wholeheartedness. I mean, it's here. The wholeheartedness is in the room. And I'm very grateful for it. And I say thank you very much, wholeheartedness. As it comes to me through each of you, And I'm laughing because the person who told me about coming here to wake up also told me that when she arrived, she thought of a scene from The Simpsons.

[37:39]

I don't know if this is a story that anybody else saw on The Simpsons, but I don't know if this may be totally a dream. But the story is that the Simpsons won a free trip to Japan. And the trip came with a tour guide. So when they got there, let's see, I don't know the characters, but I think one character's name is Homer. Is Homer the dad? I just thought I might mention to you that I have Homer Simpson slippers I put my foot in Homer's mouth They're bright yellow

[38:47]

Anyway, Homer, I think it's the dad, and I think Homer said to the tour guide, he said, I want to go to America Town. So, you know, the tour guide takes them to America Town. And so this person told me, you know, I want to go to America Town too, now that I'm at Zen Center. Take me to America Town. So, yeah, I'm sorry about this weird place you found yourself in. Where bald weirdos talk to you about making offerings to all Buddhas. ceaselessly.

[39:51]

And where the practice is the practice of all beings. But... That's how it happens. That's what he called it. That's the news from Lake Wobegon today. That's just... I can't avoid... This is... And you can try but you can't avoid it either. Yes, please. I'd like to clarify my understanding of something I think I heard you say. So you were talking about Buddhas appearing in the world or not appearing.

[41:02]

I didn't talk about them not appearing. Not appearing, okay. So appearing in the world, and you talked about Shakyamuni Buddha as a physical form, I think, seeming to appear and not appear. And then I heard you say earlier that when you say Buddha, you mean the silent bond between all beings? That's the basic kind of Buddha, yeah. That's called the Dharmakaya Buddha. The true body of Buddha, the Dharmakaya Buddha, the true body of Buddha is this silent bond among all. So, okay, so that silent bond among all beings, that doesn't appear or disappear. Correct. That's what they say about it. It doesn't appear or disappear. Things as it is. No, not even that. Just... It doesn't appear or disappear, doesn't come or go.

[42:10]

However, it can be transformed in response to beings. And so it can appear, for example, as Shakyamuni Buddha, a lot of other ways. So when you're talking about Buddhas appearing, it's the physical form, seeming physical form of a person, an enlightened person? No. Also, the Dharmakaya can appear in this world. The Buddha that doesn't... Actually, I shouldn't have said appear, I should say manifest. The Dharmakaya can manifest in this world. How does it manifest? It manifests by this conversation. Okay, so activity. But it's not not here ever. It's not not. dash, it's here all the time. The Dharmakaya is non-stop and non-start. It's always our relationship.

[43:13]

And everything we do enacts it. And so we can... Yes, I want all action of body, speech and mind to be the ceremonial enactment of the Dharmakaya. And do we need enactment of some sort to see it? Do we need enactment of some sort to see what? Dharmakaya. Yes. Including... Including every action. And if we exclude intentionally, if we would think that we could exclude some action, that would probably be sufficient hindrance to our seeing it. we may not be able to make every action of body, speech, and mind the enactment of the Dharmakaya. We may forget, because it takes training to be ceaseless in this. But at least if we have the understanding that no moment of activity would be excluded, we have the correct understanding.

[44:23]

That's the correct faith, is that every action can be and wants to be the enactment of the Buddha way, of the Dharmakaya Buddha. And the transformations are infinite. And you can see the transformations sometimes. For example, Shakyamuni Buddha is a transformation of it. And, you know, trees and mountains are also the manifestation of it. The manifestation of it. Like Dogen says, and rivers of the immediate present are the manifestation of the path of the ancient Buddhas. So when we talk about appearing in a way, we're talking about these various manifestations. Some manifestations are appearances, and dharmakaya is not an appearance. So, for example, right now you don't see the Dharmakaya in this conversation, but this conversation can be and is devoted to the manifestation of the Dharmakaya.

[45:35]

But it doesn't make us look any different from intending it to be that way. And how is the manifestation perceived? Is it perceived? Well, each person would perceive it differently. Each person has their own perception of what we're doing here. But the thing which we're enacting here does not appear within perception. We appear within perception and we devote that way we are, which can be perceived, we devote that to the ceremonial enactment of that which cannot be seen. And then that which cannot be seen is manifested. Thank you. You're welcome. Or embodied, it's embodied. And when the embodiment is full enough and certain conditions arise, then we say it's a Shakyamuni Buddha or whatever.

[46:56]

Rev, I've heard you say that, I've heard you recommend bringing up stories, offering stories to themselves. I would recommend that you make your stories, every moment you've got a story, every moment give your stories to all Buddhas. And recently I've heard you say, give everybody a body, speech and mind. It's the same thing. So are all the actions of body, speech and mind stories? What I'm asking you to give are stories. There are some actions. of involuntary physical actions that aren't motivated by intention or story. There are such things like reflexes or bodily movements or bodily actions that aren't actually karma, that aren't a story.

[48:47]

You could have a story about them, but they're actually not coming from the story. Are there any actions that are not karmically motivated? I just said. Pardon? Coughing. Yeah, coughing. And salivation is often, I think, not a story, not motivated by a story. So there are activities which are not karma. And you can give those activities. You can give anything, even things that, like a rock, isn't karma. But the story you have about the rock is karma. So, and most of what I say, and most of my, I shouldn't say most of, but anyway, a great deal of what I say is motivated and based. And like I have a story that I can talk to you like this, so I am. And I have a story that I can sit like this.

[49:50]

So I am. So I can offer these stories, these karmas, all of my actions can be offerings. And the appearance of the story in consciousness and the giving of the story, do those sometimes happen simultaneously? That's the best way, actually, is that you give as you're at the actual story. You give it. You learn to give your present story of your life. You learn to give your life now. Give your story of your life now. Moment by moment, give it away. Sort of get with the program of the arising of your stories of your life and the ceasing of them. Get with that program, but make it... make it include the process of giving. So it isn't just impermanence, it's constantly changing giving, constantly changing offering to those who teach us this, to tune into this process of impermanence and make it a relationship rather than something that's terribly difficult to adjust to and that we like to ignore.

[51:11]

Is it constantly changing because we're constantly being given different gifts? Yes. And also because by innumerable beings so nobody can hold that still for more than a moment. It's just amazing that things come together the way they do but they don't hold together for long. So it's wonderful and the wonder of it dawns upon the world when we And again, as it was asked by Meg, if we don't enact it, does it manifest? If we don't enact this, we don't realize it. So we have to join the giving. So we have to join the giving. So that practice of giving, that enactment, that ceremony is similar to or the same as the practice of zazen, enacting the ceremony of zazen.

[52:16]

The ceremony of zazen, yes. manifests, enacts the actual zazen. And actual zazen is the actual process by which you're giving yourself to the universe and the universe is giving itself to you every moment. That's the actual zazen that we're talking about. That's the self-fulfilling samadhi. The ceremony to enact that to let that come more and more into our storytelling, our manifested, deluded life, gets more and more infused with this immediate enlightenment, which is itself unconstructed and unmoving. Thank you. You're welcome. Please don't take this as an offense or as a provocation.

[53:42]

Can you hear her? She said, please don't take this as an offense or a provocation. But I keep hearing you saying to offer our states of mind. Do you feel this is like the answer to everything? I think it's the beginning of the answer to everything. I think it's the first practice of a bodhisattva. of practicing giving this way. It's the beginning. But then there's also patience and ethics and concentration and wisdom, which are actually included, but they may need to be articulated so that it wouldn't be that I would say, well, this is the answer to everything and then stop there.

[54:53]

it's more like the opening on the totality of practice. Start with giving. So, you don't have to start with the giving, but usually that's where we start. So, Samantabhadra's vows, the first of Samantabhadra's vows is give your homage, give your loyalty, give your worship to Buddhas. This is the beginning of opening in your relationship to the path of great compassion. But I'm not saying that's all. I'm not trying to describe the end of it. But I am trying to describe the beginning. Thank you. You're welcome. And I'm not saying that it's an easy practice. As a matter of fact, there's a chapter in the show Bogenzo by Dogen, talking about where he recites stories of Shakyamuni Buddha making offerings to a very large number of Buddhas for a very long time.

[56:11]

And the Buddha said, although I made offerings to this very large number of Buddhas for a very long period of time, they did not They did not sort of say, okay, you got it, kid. They did not affirm my practice and predict me to Buddhahood because I had expectation of. And the Buddha says this over and over and over that our historical ancestor had a history. of serving many, many Buddhas very wholeheartedly, but not completely wholeheartedly, because he still had some expectations. Our ancestor, the Shakyamuni Buddha, had that problem. So, that's not to say, well, don't worry that you have it, but anyway, but take solace that

[57:13]

To make gifts wholeheartedly for a long time with no expectation of gain is something that even the Buddha over and over fell into. So this kind of giving means not just not giving to get the answer to things. It means really giving. And it's really, it's not easy to be that wholehearted to really give with no expectation. with no expectation. It's not easy. I would like to thank you for the instruction you gave us yesterday to offer our eating to .

[58:19]

So I tried it this morning for the first time in my life. Thank you for trying it. Thank you. It was very interesting. First of all, I discovered that the mindfulness of breathing has to be there. And so breathing in, I took some food and had the thought of making an offering. And to my surprise, I realized it wasn't possible to do it. unless I had the right posture. So upright spine and head are important. It's important.

[59:24]

So right posture supports right breathing, mindfulness of breathing, which supports mindfulness of eating. Which supports mindfulness of the vow to benefit all beings. Which supports us, the individual. Which supports you being upright. Which supports proper breathing. Yes. Which supports and so on. Yes. Yeah. So, thank you. Yeah, thank you. Your uprightness opens you to the vow and your vow opens you to the upright. The vow makes it, you know, you don't have to keep yourself upright once the vow is working in you.

[60:27]

It will lift you up. It will buoy you up. Hi. Hi. I'm nervous with this microphone. All these people. Partly I have a confession, and I need some help with the repentance part. You have a confession, yes. Yesterday I heard you say we need to be open to everything so that we're open to what we really want when it comes. Is that correct? I don't know if I said we need to, but anyway, I would agree that in order to be open to what to what we may really want, some things, and then be open to, for example, awakening. I'm also hearing Meg's voice from her Sunday talk saying, you just can't write off anyone.

[61:35]

You can't write off anyone. Not if you want to open to the Buddha. You have to go beyond, way beyond all write-offs to welcome, to welcome Bodhi. I see in myself that I have this intention to serve and save and honor all beings. And I can get up, wake up and go about my day with that intention until someone annoys me. And then it's like, okay, I'll save all beings except so and so. Tick me off. And I see that. I see the minor and the major harm I've caused to myself and others that way. And yet, it continues. You mean that such a pattern, patterns like that continue to arise.

[62:37]

Yeah. So you continue the practice of being honest, that this pattern of, well, I want to write this person off the chart of helping all beings. You write that one off. I see that. and be, again, try to practice while you're confessing. Be gracious with yourself and be gracious with this pattern of exclusion of some being from compassion. And then be gracious with how you feel after you admit this. And also there is the, you know, there is the O Bodhisattva Mahasattvas, O great Buddhas in ten directions and three times, please be aware of me right now confessing this.

[63:38]

I invite you to witness my confession of my closing down in relationship to beings and aid me, you know, in confessing in a way that's not too harsh or too easy, but just right. Invite, invoke and acknowledge the presence of all those who understand how to confess properly and who have confessed for a long time and got really good at it. And ask them to help you be skillful at confessing of your compassion in a way that encourages you to confess the limits of your compassion again. and confess the limits of your compassion again, and realize that this is a practice, what do you call it? This is the pure and simple color. The true mind of faith, the true body of faith is to admit honestly who we are and be upright with that and gentle with that and to do this with the Buddhas, as the Buddhas and for the Buddhas.

[64:57]

and understand that they did this practice too. And it's a good practice. It's a truthful practice. It's a healing practice. But people can get better at it by practicing it and also ask help to get good at it. And you'll become a skillful honest person, a person who's honest about her, the limits of her and the breakdown of her vows. Thank you. You're welcome. People are walking back and forth at the threshold where the two worlds meet.

[66:27]

The door is round and open. Don't go back to sleep. I have a story that I'd like to try and offer you. Can you hear her? Would you speak up a little bit, Rachel? I have a story that I'd like to try and offer you. Is that okay? The story is that all along I've been doing this practice in order to do it better than everybody else. Prove that I've been doing it better than everybody else, and that my practice is more intelligent, more diligent, more sincere than everybody else's practice, and that I even came up right now in order to prove that.

[67:39]

And I wanted to offer you this story. Thank you for offering that story. I will take good care of it for you. I will treasure it. And I won't... Thank you. You have another story now? Right now? Yeah. Do you have a story of your practice now? Now that you've given me that old story? Oh, isn't that going to come again? Okay. Thank you. Can you hear me?

[68:51]

I think last week on a Monday night, I spoke about a real old story about not fitting in, which a lot of people seem to have. But the idea of talking about it in front of people like that was possibly facing the fear. And I want to say as a result of that, or I don't know as a result of it, but that doesn't feel anymore. My story is now that I fit in. Again, it's a story which I want to give. to the Buddhas. And also I want to say that I got tremendous support as a result of sharing this story.

[70:02]

And I appreciate all the support. And from the vulnerability that came intimacy. And so even though it is terrifying for some reason, you know, the fear is, the fear is I will look stupid and that I did or something. And so again, the fear often doesn't materialize into the real thing once I decide to take a risk. So I want to thank you for the opportunity and thank everyone for the support.

[71:04]

I have a question too. All right. When you said that Shakyamuni Buddha spent a long time giving to many Buddhas, he possibly had a tiny want to gain something from it. Did that mean he was deluded? Yes, that meant he was deluded. So it's possible to be very devoted and generous To serve Buddhas and also to serve all beings, it's possible to really wholeheartedly work at it. He was very wholehearted about it and still be deluded. But this process of offering to Buddhas and having expectation evolved into offering to Buddhas without expectation. Finally he evolved to serving all Buddhas with no expectation.

[72:09]

he finally arrived at this. But, so we, and if we, then we don't have so much, we're not so vulnerable to expectation. If you just make a tiny offering to people once in a while, you maybe can do that without noticing much expectation of gain. But if you really put your whole heart into making, then it's maybe easier to notice that there's some expectation of gain, and that may go on for a really long time, like it did with the Shakyamuni Buddha. Just one other question. Does that mean Buddha had been deluded at some point? Yeah. All Buddhas before Buddha were, as it says, all Buddhas before Buddha, before becoming Buddha, were just like us.

[73:12]

And Shakyamuni Buddha did a lot of confessing, to say the least. An inconceivably large practice of confessing of his delusion he did before understanding delusion completely. So we have delusion, and if we notice it and confess it and practice giving, while still deluded, we will learn to be generous without expectation completely. This is the proposal. This is the way. and of course serve fellow sentient beings, but also don't just serve them, serve the Buddha with all beings, all sentient beings and all Buddhas. I have some confusion.

[74:37]

In the chant there is a bit about the emptiness of giver, receiver and gift. And I'm hearing you talk about giving and proposing that we give gifts. And I find that I'm having resistance to that. because I feel like I receive gifts. So I feel this life and my practice are gifts that I receive and I don't see how I give gifts. So I'm wondering by being here and talking to you right now, I'm giving you my confusion?

[75:38]

Yeah. But I'm also asking you... And you also gave me a confession of resistance, or some resistance, you told me, you gave me that. But I don't know if you meant it as a gift, but I saw it as a gift. But did you mean it? Yes. Yeah, so that's what you do. You mean what you are as a gift. See yourself as a gift to everybody. Remember that you're a gift. Think about it that way and want your moment-by-moment being, your body, speech, and mind, karma. Learn to want them to be gifts. And the more you The more you remember that and are mindful of that, the more you will enter into an understanding of the process of gift-giving. That you're a gift and you're a receiver and you're a giver, always.

[76:42]

At the same time? At the same time, you're all three. And everybody else is a gift, a receiver and a giver. a donor, a receiver, and a gift. Everybody's all three all the time. So you can't... That's the emptiness. You can't get a whole process separate from the rest of the process. You can't make one person the giver and the other person the receiver. If you look carefully, you see that they're inseparable. So when I do see you as the giver and me as the receiver... That's true. I am a giver. No. No? You can see me as a giver and you as a receiver, and you can also see yourself as a giver and me as a receiver simultaneously. Which is the emptiness of giver, receiver and gift, is that right now we're both gifts, we're both receivers and we're both givers.

[77:45]

And that's where I get confused. Well, then you're getting confused in reality. Or you're getting confused in, you know, maybe trying to hold on to something in this process. Maybe you're still trying to get a hold of it a little bit, rather than just really relaxing with this ungraspable mutual assistance that's going on between us. Maybe, you know, get it. rather than just receive it and let it happen to you. Maybe you'd think you'd faint if you opened to it. Yeah, right. A friend of mine was describing this kind of situation to his son, you know. And his son fainted.

[78:48]

His son kind of opened to it, you know, and he fainted. And the guy called 911. But the son, the boy woke up, you know, before the paramedics came. But it can be overwhelming to open to the intensity of our intimacy with each other. It can be, you know, what I call a Victorian lady swooned, right? because it just is breathtaking how dynamic our relationship is, but breath-giving also. So you can kind of warm up to it moment by moment when you're sitting. Try to breathe with this giving yourself, giving yourself to all the Buddhas and receiving yourself. from all beings and giving yourself to all beings and receiving yourself.

[79:50]

So this giving and receiving is the awareness that helps us to the actual practice of all beings. But at various points you may feel a little dizzy. But maybe not. Maybe, like with Jnanas, you'll feel buoyed up and find it easy to sit upright with all this support. You don't have to practice well by your own power anymore. So each moment is a gift of the bodhisattvas and buddhas, right?

[80:56]

Each moment is a gift, yes. Not just of the bodhisattvas and buddhas, though. It's a gift of all beings. as an expression of my gratitude for this moment, like I'm not having anything to do with the creation of this moment. It's been given to me. You're not having anything to do with it. Well, maybe that's going a little far. You do have something to do with it because you are receiving it. So your receptivity is a wonderful thing that you are. So you do have something to do with it, it's just that you don't know yourself. Well, as I've been sitting, I've been practicing the listening, the hearing faculty. Yes. If my story enters in, I feel that it's a very different quality than being open and hearing, allowing the faculty of the hearing

[82:07]

So I could hear a neighbor's breath, I could hear a bird. If I'm involved in my story, I'm not attuned to what is being given to me, to that life that is being given to me. So are the, is what I'm hearing then, the neighbor's movement of their clothing or the bird, those would be, how would you characterize those as, are they, I want to put a name on, are they like Bodhisattva, or are they the Buddhas that are... I hear you telling me a story. And the actual awareness of a sound is not a story.

[83:09]

But when you're aware of a sound, almost always you have a story of your relationship with the sound. Like you think the sound is your sound or not your sound. You think the sound is to the east or to the north or all around you. There's many stories you could have about your relationship with the universe of this sound. And so that story naturally arises. It could be a simple story, which you don't get very involved with. So the simple story would be merely the naming of the sound, bird? The naming, and also that you see yourself as not the bird, perhaps. You may not notice it, but if I asked you, in that story, were you the bird? And you would say, well, yes or no. You know, whatever the story was. birds and people think they're people. But sometimes people think they're birds. There's a lot of possibilities. But there is mental activity in addition to basic knowing.

[84:11]

And the mental activity is what we call karma. And that's what we tend to get, you know, caught up. And so in these cases, you said, use the word involved with your story. And if you get involved with your story, I would say that that's similar to not being generous with your story. If you have a story and really just let it be, and you're upright with it and gentle with it and so on, you don't really get involved with it. And then the truth of the story becomes more and more available to you. The truth that it is a story and the truth of what it's about somehow becomes more intimate with you. And underlying that can be my practice of being grateful, of being grateful to be given this moment again and again and again.

[85:14]

You can say underlying it, yes, you can say that, or in your history, committed to such a practice. And commitment to that practice of gratitude would influence the way you don't get too involved in your stories. That you have more of a grateful attitude towards your stories, even if they're horrible stories. You have a background of practicing gratitude with whatever story. And out of that place of gratitude, I can give gifts. Yeah. You can give your stories as gifts, which in fact you do give. Now, you're not trying to get rid of your stories. Here's a story, it's a gift, and it's a gift to the Buddhas, which ends anyway, so before it goes, I'm going to make it a gift. Rather than, I'm not going to make a gift, and I'm going to stay with it and be sunk in it, and that's another story, but a very unhappy story. So, yeah. You're welcome.

[86:17]

Mm-hmm. Would you like this? I had a giant reaction when you said that Victorian ladies swooned, you know, because it was all too much sometimes. And they had these real tight, these things around their waist so it's hard for them to breathe. Right, so I pictured these ladies with these... corsets that were so tight their organs couldn't function, they couldn't breathe. And then I pictured the whales that were killed to make corsets so women couldn't breathe. And I just, I had this huge kind of, and then the fact that my heart started beating very fast and I could breathe, so I had grief and gratitude that they couldn't breathe and I can breathe.

[87:30]

I just wanted to offer that story to all those Victorian ladies who swam without breath for all those years and all the whales. And I have a question about the Lotus Sutra, which maybe I just was talking about, but Dogen said, don't say it's the same and don't say it's different. So the sixth ancestor said that the causation for Buddhas to appear, the whole purpose of the Lotus Sutra... That's the main point. The main point is appearing in the world to help beings. And Dogen said just Buddhas appearing in the world. Yeah, Dogen was trying to emphasize, they're here. They're here.

[88:33]

Yeah, they're here. Let's use them. And the sixth ancestor is saying, the reason they manifest is because of their love for beings. That's the reason they manifest. He thinks the reason for their manifesting is the main point, and Dogen thinks the main point is that they're here. Of course, the reason they're here, he agrees, but he thinks that... They're here. That's what he wants to say. He wants to live it up. So he's more, in some ways, he's more clearly enacting his gesture to enact it and realize and meet these Buddhas is very strong. And then he says, Are these different? Look to see if they're different, because they could sound that way. So please examine that, but then don't say that they are, because we're talking about something where difference and sameness doesn't make any sense. But let's exercise our discriminating powers and then not get caught by them, because there's a difference here that you might discriminate and tighten up around, but let's not tighten up.

[89:46]

Thank you. You're welcome. The whales may be in the ocean. I'm not sure what I want to say up here, but I felt it was important to come up. I didn't feel like I was just practicing alone in the back.

[90:50]

And I didn't feel like I was avoiding participating. Were you feeling like you were avoiding possibly? Yeah. I was feeling a lot of resistance in sitting, in two-sitting. I wonder if anybody else is feeling like they're avoiding. I guess I wanted to kind of hide that, or I was afraid that somebody would notice that. Oh, really? Wow. Thank you for tipping us off. So I guess I would have a question about how we can practice wholeheartedly when we don't feel the motivation or enthusiasm to practice, to give ourselves to the practice that way.

[91:55]

Well, the first thing that comes to mind is honesty. Be honest. I don't feel, I'm just not in the mood to give myself right now. I'm feeling kind of tight and closed. Honestly, that's my story. It's a story of being that way. But saying that and being honest about it with myself and then also being honest with certainly those who have no problem hearing this, namely the Buddhas, I've just done something which is antithetical to that closeness. So, honest and in expressing it. Now, what if you don't even want to express it? Well, do you notice it? Then you notice it because there is some expression of it. For there, you know, try to be tender with it.

[93:03]

Be tender with... And again, if one is feeling open and you see someone who is constricted, be tender with them. Don't overwhelm them with your openness. Enjoy in being open. and being open to them and loving them. Don't overwhelm them. Be gentle with them. Be tender with them because that may cause them to tighten up more if you show them this openness you feel. And if you be tender with yourself about your closeness, generally speaking, it has the potential to open. Sometimes prying things open is good, but usually... kind of coaxing it or whispering to it or... See? Would you ever want to come out and meet me? A little bit?

[94:04]

Open up a little bit, please? But even that might be too much. Even that might be too scary. So really letting the person be closed. And you can be closed and like, I'm totally with you being closed. That's really okay with me that you're closed. to my openness. I feel like maybe it's not so much that I'm feeling closed as that, like I don't really... this feeling of not really knowing what I'm doing or... You feel like you don't know what you're doing? Yeah, in the practice in some ways, like making these different efforts, like to follow my breathing or... Would you kind of like to know what you're doing? I feel like that's part of the trouble is it's sort of a contrived, like I come up with, you know, I sort of conceptualize something that that practice is. What I'm saying is you conceptualize something, that's what the practice is, and do you think you do that because you'd like to have something which you could get a hold of as the practice?

[95:09]

I feel like that's kind of the obstacle, and I can't seem to, you know, and then it's just swapping out different versions of the practice and sort of mimicking those conceptions. Yeah, so now you're saying that you're, I hear you saying that you have these conceptual versions of the practice which are coming quite frequently, and you're swapping between them and stuff, and it sounds kind of nauseating, is it? Yeah. I mean, it still sometimes feels joyful or open, maybe, but... So I think the thing is how to deal with... And you can turn this into another conceptualization of the practice, which it is. This... You know, now I feel like cornucopia of ideas about what the practice is. All this flush of stories about what practice is, how to deal with it in a way...

[96:14]

that you can be upright with it and honest and gentle and peaceful with these stories about what the practice is. Now you say, well, so that's the story of what the practice is. Well, okay, fine. But then practice that same way with that story about what the practice is. So someone can like you say, Forget this tenderness and uprightness and peacefulness and honesty. Just get rid of it and you can go. Okay. You can, you know, tenderly, uprightly, honestly and peacefully listen to them tell you, throw away the practice you're doing. And do you have any question about whether you want to do that practice or not? Do you wish, do you actually, would you like to be honest about what's going on? Yeah, I would like to. Would you like to be peaceful and harmonious with what's going on? Yeah.

[97:18]

Would you like to be in balance with what's going on? Would you like to be tender and flexible with what's going on? Yeah, I would too. But it's still kind of, like you said, nauseating. It's still that sort of... It's still very busy, like trying to stay on top of it all the time or something, you know? The staying on top of it all the time, it wasn't on the list. but that's what's happening like that's what you know that's what like i'm being upright with so to speak in fact when you are upright you are on top of it all the time you know in fact you are but you're it's not you don't have that feeling yeah you're constantly balancing right but the feeling of being on top of constantly the way you said it was sounded like you were get tensing up So that would be something to confess. I'm tensing up around this balancing. Rather than being tender and flexible around balancing.

[98:19]

Be tender when you're balanced and be tender about not being in balance. Like, oh, I'm off balance. It doesn't feel very still, right? It doesn't feel very still, yeah. Like yesterday I had that thing and when it was falling over I didn't feel very still. But after a while it started to balance. And although I was constantly to balance it. I started to feel calm, more and more calm, as I was more successful at balancing. But, in fact, I was moving all the time. But moving and balancing that hammer. It was balancing. And I was getting more and more calm with the balancing. So there is a time when you're trying to learn to balance and be upright when you feel like, well, not upright. It's mostly not upright, [...] you know. And once in a while, upright. Actually get more skillful at it after a while.

[99:22]

But also part of it is to feel okay about not being upright. About the thing falling over. That that's really okay. I guess I felt quite sad about not being, about the times when it felt not upright. Past when you weren't upright? No, in those, when I would notice and how much momentum those sort of, this daydreaming and so on would have and how hard it was to pull myself out of it, I felt kind of sad about that. So sad is part of the repentance around being upright. The same as feeling bad about it. Sadness helps you like, okay, let go of that and come back to the job again. So feeling the sadness or sorrow is part of what helps you come back to the work. It's good. It's medicine. Just to feel it. notice the imbalance, and then how does it feel?

[100:24]

The way it feels, that sadness or that sorrow, is the repentance part, that you feel it again, but in a way that kind of encourages you back on the path you wish to walk. And of course sometimes, even though one feels the repentance, one doesn't have the strength or thinks one doesn't have the strength maybe to actually Yeah, and then you could confess that too, that you feel a lack of strength or a lack of energy. Tender with yourself when you feel a lack of energy, because part of having energy is resting. So sometimes you feel a little bit of enthusiasm, but not enough to try this big balancing act again. So then you say, well, maybe I'll rest a little while. Yeah, and that's, I heard that's okay. I mean, I heard that's part of effort is to rest.

[101:26]

And then the resting does its job, and now you feel now the energy to return is there, is part of enthusiasm. Could you say something more about the practice of resting in the context of zazen? I mean, what that would actually... Something kind of concrete about what that would be like. Well, again, when I was first balancing that hammer yesterday, at first it was just like, it was kind of effortful. I wasn't getting tired, particularly, but it was pretty effortful for me to... Again, first I tried the hammer with the hammer on top, and I couldn't do it. It was just... I just wasn't willing to make the effort, you know, to run around the room with it or whatever. I just couldn't, I shouldn't say I couldn't, I hadn't been able to. And I sort of switched and turned the hammer the other way around and put the hammer head down and then I found it was easier to balance.

[102:33]

And the more I practiced balancing it, the more I made the effort, effort to move my hand in such a way that the hammer didn't fall over, the more I started to rest, the more restful it became. So balancing, as you get more skillful at it, even though it takes effort to balance, you start to feel more rested. I feel like I don't have even the effort, the energy to balance. Or even have the energy to rest. Or even have the energy to rest, right. But fortunately, we usually eventually collapse. But it's good when you collapse to realize, oh, finally, I have the energy to relax. Like that story, you know, that first, in some ways, it's the first Don Juan story. Ever read Don Juan? It's about this, I should say Don Juan story.

[103:36]

It's the story of Carlos Castaneda and Don Juan. Anyway, this guy went, Native American shaman. And this guy told him to find his place. And he searched for it and searched for it and searched for it all night. And then the next morning the shaman asked him, did you find your place? And he said, no. He said, well, where did you fall asleep? He said, over behind that rock. That's your place. So eventually you will collapse and hopefully When you collapse, you won't be embarrassed to admit that that's where you collapsed and that you did collapse. And then you allow yourself... I did rest, actually. You do let yourself rest. And then after you rest, you think, I think I'll practice Zen. And you get up and you somehow get your way over to that seat back there. And then the drama starts again. But just allow rest, rest wholeheartedly, please.

[104:43]

Rest together with all beings. Rest for all beings. I'm resting for all beings. And then people say, Bhaja, we don't want you to rest. You say, okay, I won't. But oftentimes we won't say that to you. All of us, we actually will support you. Can you believe that? And we will expect you, when you're done resting, to come back to our aid by sitting uprightly and resting in your uprightness. And if you need another kind of resting, other than the resting in uprightness or sitting, you need to recline, and you feel like you can be more wholehearted in that way, well, go ahead. Little by little, you will find rest which is part of your enthusiasm. Thank you.

[105:49]

You're welcome. Well, it's 12 o'clock. So that must be... Oh, and actually, my watch is a little fast. So it really isn't 12 o'clock. Yeah, my clock says 12.08. So it's time for service, right? It's time for us to chant. to sing and dance about this practice of all beings. May our intention equally extend

[106:50]

@Transcribed_v005
@Text_v005
@Score_88.25